oh i need to clean my scanner

Security measures of the Gotei-13 squads


As requested by anon. :)


When the Quincy broke into Squad 1 and asked why there didn’t seem to be any security (buuurn), Yamamoto replied that HE was the only security that was needed. So what security measures are in place to protect the other squads?


1. Squad 2

Soi Fon: My squad is its own security.

Soi Fon: Anywhere you look, there is probably an unseen ninja, waiting to kill you dead.

Omaeda: Also, I bought a whole bunch of expensive, high-tech traps and placed them around! Motion detectors, lasers, fingerprint scanners…

Soi Fon: …not that we needed high tech security devices, because ninjas.

Omaeda: Yeah but they’re pretty darn cool.

Soi Fon: We lose three ninjas a week to your traps, Omaeda.

Omaeda: Really? Sorry!

Soi Fon: I was complimenting them.


2. Squad 3

Rose: Oh, nothing much.

Rose: Just some hair trigger traps rigged with piano wire.

Rose: They’ll take your head clean off if you’re wandering where you shouldn’t be!

Kira: I have a new-found respect for you, Captain.

Rose: That’s very sweet, Izuru!


3. Squad 7

Komamura: I purchased something from the world of the living, actually!

Komamura: It is called an “invisible fence.”

Komamura: It is very effective!

Hisagi: …does he know it only works on dogs?

Iba: Hush!


4. Squad 10

Hitsugaya: We’re, uh, between security measures right now.

Hitsugaya: Our last attempt was not overly successful.

Matsumoto: Yeah, those fences you bought turned out to be WAY too short, huh?

Hitsugaya: THEY SEEMED BIGGER IN THE STORE


5. Squad 6

Byakuya: I am a noble. I have my own guards.

Byakuya: …although there have been fewer of them around lately, for some reason.

Byakuya: But I’m sure it’s fine.


6. Squad 13

Ukitake: I used to just keep a few men on the perimeter, but lately there have been more, larger guards showing up from somewhere!

Ukitake: So that’s lucky!

Byakuya: …

Byakuya: YACHIRU ARE YOU STEALING MY GUARDS AND GIVING THEM TO UKITAKE??

Yachiru: They’re so cute and confused when I carry them away!


7. Squad 9

Kensei: You know…I’m not really sure. I told the lieutenants to take care of it.

Kensei: What did you guys do, anyway?

Hisagi: We, uh…..put up these……signs?

Kensei: Signs???

Mashiro: They have your scary face on them! 

Mashiro: They’ll definitely scare away any unwanted visitors!

Mashiro: Sometimes they even scare away Shuhei!

Hisagi: T-that only happened once and I was drunk!

Kensei: THIS HAD BETTER BE A JOKE


8. Squad 8

Kyoraku: Oh, I don’t really bother with security measures.

Kyoraku: I imagine it’ll all be fine.

Nanao: I put up an electric kido fence, captain. I told you that.

Kyoraku: Like I said, I knew it would be fine!


9. Squad 5

Shinji: Thanks to Hinamori’s cool kido net, I didn’t have to do anything!

Shinji: Well…we did have to work out a few bugs when I first arrived….

Shinji: Like the fact that the net would shock you if you tried to hug anybody.

Hinamori: I still say hugs are dangerous.

Shinji: Only if they involve swords!!


10. Squad 11

Kenpachi: Security measures? Ha!

Kenpachi: The only security measure we need is being Squad 11!

Kenpachi: You enter, you fight us!

Kenpachi: If you win, then you get to join our squad!

Kenpachi: If you die, then who cares what you wanted.

Yachiru: You’re so welcoming, Ken-chan!

Kenpachi: Yeah.


11. Squad 4

Unohana: We are a medical squad. Perimeter security is not what we need.

Unohana: Sometimes I consider adding security measures inside the squad, just in case any of the patients become…unpleasant.

Unohana: But whenever I walk around, everybody seems very well-behaved.

Isane: …

Hanataro (whispering): Does she know that’s just because everybody freezes up when they hear her coming?

Isane: I don’t know!

Unohana: [smiles]


12. Squad 12

Kurotsuchi: Oh, I don’t bother with anything crass like security measures.

Kurotsuchi: There is just a little sign.

Kurotsuchi: Informing would-be intruders that if they come any further, they are volunteering to be my research subject.

Kurotsuchi: And after that are the pits filled with various kinds of poison I’m testing. 

Akon: …don’t pits filled with poison count as security measures, captain?

Kurotsuchi: No because at that point they are volunteers.

Kurotsuchi: Members of the family, really.

Akon: …

Kurotsuchi: I’m a tender-hearted guy.

two-sides-one-girl  asked:

-Isis was rushing around getting ready for work but couldn't find her gun even though she'd put it in her lock box.- Luca! Have you seen my gun?

*Luca was reading his book* Hmm.. Oh, sorry.. I noticed that it needed to be cleaned. So I cleaned it. *hands it over* I also took the liberty of fixing it and also adding a fingerprint scanner on the trigger. No one but you can fire it. *Keeps reading as he talked* Jacs was nice enough to make the parts.