Do you even know how many times you have been arrested?
- I don’t know all the answers, sweetheart. I just do my best to pretend.
- Like many things in life, it started great and ended in disaster
- Oh, come on guys, who steals trash cans?
- I could barely find a decent one-bedroom for under one grand
- I still do believe you owe me dance
- Dee, your stupid ass Irish boyfriend isn’t answering his phone… Call me.
- “Shit, I didn’t realize how tall he is…”
“Kick him to the knees!”
- “Jimmy’s whore house, how can I help you?”
“It’s me. Can you stop answering like that?”
- Kicking people in the head didn’t give out a great impression to be honest
- I don’t know where the fuck you learned to whisper, but fucking hell…
- Could you stop sending me creepy pictures of yourself with no context?
- “You need to talk to your brother.”
“The brother who tried to kill me with a phone book last christmas?”
- “Are you crying?”
“The walls are thin, sweetheart. Are you okay?”
- “Is he gonna pay for that?”
“Don’t worry, buddy. We’ll send somebody to go through the damages.”
- Don’t set off the alarms, this is our only change
- If Iain calls, deny everything and tell I wasn’t involved
- “You’re crazy, woman!”
“How come? Was it me who put a gun against a six-year old’s head, huh?”
- You’re many things but not a failure
- Is it weird being back?
- “Who are you hiding from?”
“The blonde guy.”
- She was friends with people who can help me
- It’s scary how bad you are handling money
- “Do you see double?”
“Can you even see out of that eye?”
- “Are you crazy?!”
“I could be. Did you know my brother spend half of his life in asylum? Oh, and don’t even get me started with my mother.”
- Mrs. Gill wants her house painted again, when should I book her up?
- Can you stop laughing like this is something you enjoy?
- “Don’t you worry about money?”
“I have you doing that for me.”
- I majored in kicking rich brats to the nuts
- It’s amazing if she spares you from beating after this
- “Are you okay?”
“I didn’t see anything for fifteen minutes because you mazed me!”
- I slipped on a condom today! I’m not fine!
- You are fine, tovarisch.. You’re just fine.
- Can you not put the cards into a straight pile?
- I’m pleasantly surprised that I’m alive
- Alana, darling, let me sleep
- “Shut up! We are all in trouble, mate”
- “I’m trying my best!”
- How late do I have to be to make him realize that I don’t give fuck about this date?
- “You son of a bitch -!”
“No, no, no! Jimmy, calm it!”
- Okay, your aunt screwed up and now she’s going to go before your mom and dad find out what happened and kill me.
- Oh God! I think I killed him! Oh God… He’s fine.
- I’m armed with concussion
- “What happened to your arm, kiddo?”
“There may have been a small – very controlled – fire at the garage.”
- Don’t wear that in public, please
- “I can’t date anybody who owns a yacht”
“Why? Obviously he has ton of money. “
- “What on your to do list today?”
“I have to bride a cop and then make sure that the fire on 9th street isn’t blamed on Ian. You?”
- Did I make this awkward? Sorry, I’ll go
- “Don’t trust me.”
“Whatever you do… don’t trust a thing I say. I will get you killed and that’s blood on my hands.”
- “I didn’t do it! I swear, I didn’t!”
- Deny everything. Deny until you have no other choice than to slightly admit to it.
- You think this was my first choice of career? I wanted to be a dance, own an auto shop?
- Her face turned from sad to anger in a second
- He called me wifey material and I don’t know how to feel about it…
- I have gone fourteen years with only four pairs of shoes.
- Oh god dammit.. Where the hell did he come from? Get rid of him!
- Dad, why are you wearing superman suit?
- You scared me. Oh God.. Are you okay?
- Let me at least walk with you
- I ain’t the greatest listener, but I’ll give it shot with you.
Guys, I’m so sorry about my shitty blog