oh hey this is more satire

So, I saw Sausage Party today.

And I have to say…

You’re all a bunch of stupid pieces of shit.

“Wah, this movie has racial stereotypes! Dat’s not allowed!”

“Wah, this lesbian mexican taco is a taco, and taco means lesbian in my head! U can’t call a lesbian a taco! Dat’s not allowed!”

“Hurr durr dis cringey fedora neckbeard atheist made fun of religion, dat’s a fink to mock and laugh at. Duhuhuhuh! He doesn’t know! Dat’s not allowed!”

“This movie mocks the Jews VS Muslims war thingy and suggests they live in the same place instead of fighting, AND mocks their 72 virgin heaven! Dat’s not allowed!”

“This movie contains nazi jokes! Dat’s not allowed!”

“Dis movie has a bottle of firewater and it’s native american! U CAN’T HAVE NATIVE AMERICAN PEOPLE ACT STEREOTYPICALLY! REEEEEEEEEEEE! Also, dat’s not allowed!

"Wah, this movie contains an orgy sequence between food! I’m not emotionally prepared for sex! But food getting chopped up and murdered onscreen is a-ok, I won’t spend more than a sentence or two talking about that unless I’m wanking over how much I dislike violence. Anyway, wah! Food has sex! Dat’s not allowed!”

This movie is satire that mocks religion and how it keeps cultures separate. This movie is satire that mocks religion for what it is, a lie to keep people stupid. This movie doesn’t do things cleverly because it knows the average person isn’t intelligent to understand anything smarter than “Oh hey dat’s a reference to a comic the wiki can explain for me!”.

When Blazing Saddles came out, the scene with farting cowboys was considered shocking. People mocked them for being edgy. Bitches said “Yes, you can make whatever story you want, but I don’t like fart jokes, so it’s a bad film and you should change it! Fart jokes? Dat’s not allowed!”

Despite believing you’re a Precious Smoll Babs™ or Enlightened Egalitarian or whatever stupid label you wrote up and slapped onto your forehead, you are not progressive or norm critical or intelligent, you are on the moral level of scared old women crying because a scene with farting cowboys triggered them. You don’t realize how pathetic you look, and that just makes you look worse. And no, posting “Lol im trash im a potato” doesn’t count, you idiot.

Have you ever heard the old saying, “When a wise man points, a fool looks at the finger”? That’s you. You’re the fool, staring intently at the finger and crying about how unclean it is.

Seth Rogen managed to take a premise that sounded retarded, and he made it into a film about how we should throw religion into the trash where it belongs, love one another, fight back against the “Gods”. Instead of the ham-handed anti-religion stuff you’d expect from the genre, he showed the effects of religion, how even the most clear messages of peace are distorted into “Our race is better than yours, our religion said so” by religion’s infectious stupidity, how the divide between those that find new evidence that disproves their beliefs and recoil like bitches and dig their heels in like mules and those that want to know more can tear relationships apart… Hell, it even threw in a nice little “Simply disproving your beliefs with evidence you don’t want to accept is TOTALLY the mean option, you have to sugarcoat harsh truths so they can be swallowed by even mental toddlers” bonus for you, whether you noticed in your triggered little pseudo-panic attack bitch-seizure or not.

Also, check out the ending. Everyone lives in peace and harmony and sex, throwing away racism and homophobia. You’d think SJWs would love an ending like that, but you’d only think that if you somehow hadn’t yet noticed that SJWs only say they want X or Y, what they actually want is power, validation, something to blame their failings on, and the rush of feeling offended. If that sounds crazy to you, congrats. Now look up the facts BEFORE responding, so you don’t embarass yourself.

To everyone that once filled this site with whiny, impotent, virtue-signalling and utterly pathetic bitching: Congratulations on being too fucking stupid to properly understand a SETH ROGEN STONER COMEDY ABOUT TALKING FUCKING FOOD.

>Inb4 some dumb fuck, in their desperate desire to avoid digesting what I wrote, laughs it off with something along the lines of “Hurr durr this pony ask blog is serving up truth lol what even is 2016”.
>Inb4 some incurably-divorced-from-reality SJW goes “But da movie has racial stereotypes in it! Dat’s not allowed!”.

Leader Of The Free World

Title: Leader Of The Free World
Rating: PG
Summary: Clint Barton’s presidential campaign started as a joke. It didn’t end that way, except for Steve.
Notes: Written for @MemPrime, who requested it as a birthday fic. (Sorry I didn’t actually write the debate you suggested, @fatfemme-inist, I chickened out. :D) Happy birthday, Mem!
Other Notes: I don’t know how presidential campaigns work, guys. I didn’t do any research because politics is very boring and I only research it when I am myself voting to make sure I don’t vote for Darth Vader in disguise. Please forgive for any inaccuracies, I wasn’t willing to put that amount of energy into what is essentially four thousand words of LOL CLINT BARTON.
Warnings: None.

****

It was kind of a dare, and it was sort of at a party, which were both excuses Tony and Clint used a lot, because “we were drunk” was not an excuse Steve would put up with. Technically “it was at a party” wasn’t either, but he and Tony had shouted their way through several arguments over “it was a dare”, and the result was that Steve no longer got into fights over dares. Because Tony knew his history, and he knew that if Steve Rogers was telling someone not to take a dare, Steve Rogers was being a giant hypocrite.

“It’s honestly not that hard to get your ass on a ballot,” Tony said, tipping his beer at the presidential debate going on silently on one of the televisions. The Avengers had developed several patterns around their missions against Hydra, and Tony liked the post-assault protein-load that they usually did right after, but the post-assault party the weekend following a mission, that was his favorite.

“There’s a ton of paperwork, isn’t there?” Clint asked.

“Not really that much. I mean,” Tony corrected, “Not that much if you have, you know, your own legal department.”

“Oh, rich-dude-not-much,” Clint teased. “So you could run for president pretty easily, huh?”

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lyrically-lit-deactivated201601  asked:

Thank you so much for your awesome reviews! Would you be able to explain the progression of art through the ages? Like Renaissance, romantic, baroqu...

Hi lyrically-lit!

Alright, art through the ages in 20 minutes flat:

1. Check out this post on Renaissance through Baroque.

2. Okay, once you’re prepped:

ROCOCO: omg these roses go great with these swoops that go great with these curly cues and the swirly whirly-o’s

-The shift of power form royal court to the aristocracy is paralleled by the shift in taste from Baroque to Rococo.

-Characterized by flowery, flowing, detailed and over-stylized architecture and painting. With Rococo, think frivolity and frilly things.

-The French Royal Academy dominated this style and dictated taste in Paris during the 18th century.

-Rococo portrays the wealthy aristocracy in their leisurely pursuits.

-Epic dudes: Jean-Antoine Watteau

-Developed a talented school of satirical painting.

NEOCLASSICISM: ugh, oh my god i am so dramatic, ugh, Rome was so dramatic just like me, ugh, brood, hey doesn’t this julius caesar look just like the king. yeah. that’s not an accident

-Enlightenment - rejection of aristocratic authority

-Neoclassicism perceived as more democratic, inspired by Pompeii and work of art theorist Johann Winckelmann

-Frequent classical allusions within contemporary depictions, and frequent contemporary allusions among classical depictions.

-Drew inspiration from Greek and Rome.

-New technologies because of the Industrial Revolution - bronze carving, cast iron.

-Epic dudes: Jacques-Louis David, Benjamin West, Angelica Kauffman

ROMANTICISM: i am such a special snowflake, the world is not a machine and I am my own person, also isn’t nature great and i once had a dream about a melting banana so i painted it and also i fantasize about shadows and also fog. nature though

-Influenced by a spirit of individuality and freedom, naturalism of man, and a rejection of the Newtonian ideas of the world-machine and unchanging laws.

-Expresses an appreciation for nature’s excellence and political revolution

-Photography invented in this period

-Architecture does throwback thursday to the Medieval period

-Epic dudes: Eugene Delacroix, William Blake, Goya, Gericault, Joseph MW Turner, Caspar David Friedrich

LATE NINETEENTH CENTURY: i’ll only paint what’s actually there. what the hell is all this mystical crap. what was this. no one ever saw this. what is this shit??? goya??? what is this??? you never saw cronus eat a baby?? oh also isn’t light cool. look at light. wow. imma do that. ugh nevermind that’s way too unstructured. let’s add structure. 

Impressionism:

-Modernist movement furthered by the avant-garde artists who spearheaded the movement. Shadow contains color, brushstrokes to capture the ‘dappling effect’ of light on objects.

-Epic dudes: Renoir, Monet

Post-Impressionism:

-Took Impressionist movement and reapplied structure and form to the technique, making impressionism more “solid and durable”, as Cezanne once said. Moved toward abstraction but also managed to preserve solid forms and traditional elements.

-Epic dudes: Van Gogh, Cezanne, Seurat, Munch

EARLY TWENTIETH CENTURY: i am all over the map. i don’t know what’s w rong with me??? w orld wARS???? just fuck me up

okay very quickly, the major early twentieth century art forms IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER:

-expressionism: violent juxtaposition of color, abstraction as a way of perceiving the natural world in means beyond literal representation.

-cubism: took post-impressionism a step further, meant to emphasize angles and shapes, from many perspectives at once. PICASSO.

-dada: a nonsense word that means “hobby horse.” The movement was effected by the disillusionment and hopelessness of the era after World War I. Rejected most conventional methods of representation. Began to champion “ready-mades” as an art form. Basically taking random things and incorporating words. Duchamp, Duchamp, Duchamp.

-destijl: At best, completely abstract. White background, black lines to outline rectangular spaces. Only primary colors used. Diagonals are forbidden. Mondrian.

-bauhaus: The Bauhaus was an architectural school in Germany. Taught that everything, from simple objects to large buildings, should be crafted as a unit. Technology embraced. Simple and elegant designs. Expressive forms.

-surrealism: inspired by psychological breakthroughs of Jung and Freud - represented the unconscious world. Dali. 

-art deco: a reaction against popular simplified forms, embraced a taste for refinement and linearity. Streamlined, industrial, mechanic, aerodynamic figures. (think of the Chrysler Building of New York City in the United States) 

I hope that helped! Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do. Best wishes!

-The History Geek

anonymous asked:

Hey can you please write a crisscolfer reaction fic based on the fifth episode? It can be smutty or fluff whatever it is. I just love your crisscolfer fic like the one when first episode of season 6 is airing. Thanks love<3

Aww…thank you for saying that. I whipped the following up as quickly as I could, and as a result it’s quite short. I hope it was something like what you wanted.


The harsh luminescence of a laptop screen woke Darren up.

Chris was awake concentrating on something, but he wasn’t typing furiously away on his keyboard like most nights. 

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