1. You cry. Holy shit, do you cry. Sobs choke you on buses and in the bathrooms at school and most heavily late at night as you wait for a text.
2. This text won’t come. You cry harder.
4. You run into him in the hallways. You may try to catch his eye but when you do, it feels like ice slipping down to your stomach and proceeds to gather there like lead. Next time it happens you walk fast with your head down.
5. Polite mumbles are finally passed between the two of you. Maybe an obligatory thank you as he holds a door, or an excuse me as you walk past, utterly daunted by the prospect of brushing his arm. He mumbles an unintelligible reply, and your ears will by habit perk up to seek that special and soft tone of voice reserved only for you.
6. You won’t find it. And eventually, you stop looking.
7. The two of you are officially on speaking terms again. Possibly not one-on-one conversations, but if he’s in a group you no longer feel the need to exclude yourself. Your heart breaks as he laughs easily at other’s jokes, but then proceeds to mend itself and soar as he does the same to yours. He always loved your sense of humor.
8. You text him for the first time since everything happened. It’s strictly for homework help, it’s been nearly two months, and it takes you four hours to work up the nerve to hit send. He replies within the minute. You can’t help but marvel at the fact that even now, he’s still coming to the rescue when you call.
9. You’re good friends by this point. Conversations alone are no longer scary things, but something you hope to happen throughout the day. But then, when one does, his friend flashes you two a heart symbol across the room. Like a tidal wave crashing down on to the beach, you’re reminded of how much you still love him with such force it nearly knocks the breath out of you. You walk away without meeting his eyes. You go home with your head down.
People seem to be getting their copy of the zine so here’s my full piece for @krazehkai‘s FE Cafe Zine!! Thanks again for all your hard work and for inviting me to participate in the zine, Kai! And thanks to everyone who bought a copy!!