oh god why do i even bother

I JUST WATCHED DEATH NOTE WITH MY MOTHER

- SHE CALLED L “THE SAD ALIEN MAN”

- SHE ASKED ME WHY I COULDN’T BE LESS LIKE L AND MORE LIKE LIGHT

- AFTER EXPLAINING THAT LIGHT WAS KIRA, SHE SAID “THAT MAY BE SO, BUT AT LEAST HE HAS CLEAN SHOES”

- “WHO’S THE MONSTER?” “OH, YOU MEAN RYUK?” “NO NO NO, I KNOW WHO RYUK IS, I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE WEIRD DETECTIVE. IS HE EVEN REAL?”

GOOD QUESTION MUM ONE THAT I HAVE BEEN ASKING MYSELF FOR A LONG TIME

- SHE WANTS ME TO BUY A PAIR OF KHAKIS IM GONNA SCREAM

- “WHAT A GOOD BOY” (REFERRING TO LIGHT YAGAMI, WHO IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A GOOD BOY WHAT AN ASSHOLE)

- “WHY DO YOU BOTHER COSPLAYING WHEN YOU WAKE UP EVERY MORNING LOOKING LIKE THE SAD ALIEN MAN?”

THANKS MUM

(we’re watching cowboy bebop next oh god)

oh my god, tempted by mcu fic ideas for the first time in a million years

nope. nope, not doing it. not even gonna entertain it.

EXCEPT I STARTED ENTERTAINING IT IN THE TAGS BUT THAT GOT WAY TOO LONG FAST, FUCK


but just–darcy though; she’s not gonna be in the next thor movie bc tptb always considered her a vestigial jane attachment anyways. and since natalie’s not coming back (for good reasons of course) then why would they bother bringing back the snarky sidekick?

but like, imagine in-verse something similar-ish happens? it would obviously depend on the in-universe explanation of why jane has up and disappeared and isn’t in this movie, but say jane and darcy for whatever reasons split ways. necessity or misfortune or darcy wants to take another stab at her own career field again. 

only things don’t work out.

it’s a shit economy and she’s been noodling around for like five years AFTER completing her polisci degree, and let’s face it her resume in the interim is–well–eccentric.

she’d expected job hunting not to be EASY, but impossible? well that caught her off guard.

so she’s in some city of relative size, not even new york because she couldn’t afford the rent anymore. she’s barely hearing from jane these days because jane’s on a project and it’s a stroke of luck if jane foster remembers to eat or wash her hair when she’s in High Science Mode, much less respond to email and text. erik started corresponding with her less and less the more he started coping, and that was BEFORE he got some new fancy secret government job.

things have gotten rough and she’s working crap jobs, maybe waitressing maybe retail, just trying to pay bills and figure out how the hell her life came THIS CLOSE to superheroes and alien demigods and action and adventure and things Really Happening, and still ended up HERE of all places.

she reads the headlines on her phone and she watches clips of the action on youtube, and she feels like she somehow fell out of the life she really should have been living, if she’d just found a way to hold on to it, to be invaluable, to seize opportunity, to really MATTER.

and she watched with despair as the sokovia thing and then corresponding accords happened, (and not a little outraged ranting about the absurd political maneuvering of it all and oh my god tony stark what are you DOING) and then it all went a little bit quiet for just a little while.

and a while later she’s busing tables or restocking pastries at a cafe or diner that pays a third of her rent, and clocks two shady as fuck beefy dudes at the table in the corner (backs to the walls eyes on the entrances/exits).

they seem to think they’re low profile with their ballcaps and hoodies and giant sunglasses and newspapers, but darcy lewis got within five feet of that star spangled square jaw one time and even said hi, and he keeps coming in with a short muscley black guy or the mangy looking brunette with the unseasonably long sleeves and gloves and that godawful haircut, and she is Not Stupid. 

but being Not Stupid means knowing steve rogers and friends are considered international fugitives, though she thinks for a moment–a breathless, adrenaline-buzzing moment–that they might somehow be here, in her shitty little diner/cafe in her mediocre little city ON PURPOSE–because she is.

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Roommate Starters
  • "Have you seen my stuff?"
  • "Oh my god, lock the door next time!"
  • "Clean up your things, you aren't the only one here."
  • "Have you taken out the trash yet?"
  • "I'll be doing the laundry today, so, give me all the dirty clothes."
  • "What did I say about putting the dishes in the sink?"
  • "Didn't I say you couldn't bring anyone here?"
  • "...We need a bigger dorm room."
  • "God, why am I stuck with you?"
  • "Oh shit it's you!"
  • "We are never going to last long here in this room together."
  • "I'm taking the top bunk!"
  • "Oh no, you're taking the bottom bunk!"
  • "Whoever wins gets the top bunk."
  • "Was... was this left by the older occupants of this dorm?"
  • "Oh god, ew, they didn't even bother to clean the room up!"
  • "Would you prefer to sleep together or do you want either the top or the bottom bunk?"
3

You and Alec were sitting in your room, trying to find a birthday gift for Isabelle on Amazon, when he did it. That stupid little mouth thing that made him look like an honest to god rabbit.

“Why do you do that all the time?” You said, breaking the silence. 

He started slightly at the sudden conversation and gave you a puzzled look, “Do what?”

“That mouth thing you do when you’re thinking hard.” 

“Mouth thing?”

You rolled your eyes and acted it out for him. 

“Oh.” He said, “I don’t even remember doing it honestly. I think my nose just itches. Why? Does it bother you?”

“No,” you said, “It’s just strangely adorable.” 

A blush spread across his cheeks and he cleared his throat, “Ah thank you?”

“Not a question, you can thank me for being adorable Alec.” You said cheekily. He blushed harder.

“Let’s just find a gift for Izzy.” He said.

You gave him a bold grin, “Whatever you say Lightwood.” 

Oh my god did I tell you that the cousin we held the baby shower for now has a baby and the kid is ridiculous and she makes the funniest remarks about her

  • “This baby cries so dramatically. She’s like a mexican novela”
  • *baby cries* *imitates ironically*
  • “Why do we even bother dressing her up she outgrows everything in like 30 seconds” (to which her husband replied patiently that public nudity is generally frowned upon)
  • *crazy snickering at the faces she made every time the baby saw a new member of the family* “AND THERE’S MORE”
  • “I don’t get it I spent hours sterilizing all her bottles but she shares the pacifier with the dog and she’s alright”
  • *wiggles the baby’s legs and whispers* “porkchops” *cue more snickering*
Akatsuki Humor Headcanons

Itachi: jokes consist of anything that takes a while to put together why it was funny and or clever to begin with

“Creativity is a Sharingan.”


Kisame: casually throws out riddles, prob gives em to Itachi when they’re going about their travels but Itachi always solves them
“What do you have to do before you go on a journey?”
“Start walking.”
“Start wa- …why do I even bother with you?”


Sasori: sassy one liners delivered in the most monotone voice that prob (all the time) are not actually sarcastic to begin with
“I would rather die than continue to interact with you.”
“You don’t mean that, danna.”
“You’re right. I’m already mostly dead.”


Deidara: meme lover. He’s 19 after all
“Hoe don’t do it.”
*Tobi exists*
“Oh my god.”


Hidan: “your mom” and “that’s what she said” jokes
“And then I said ‘your fucking MOM was buried by a deer’!”
“Hidan, that’s enough. I can’t take this anymore.”
“Hah! That’s what she fucking said!”


Kakuzu: the joke killer
“Why did the banker quit his job? Because he lost INTEREST!”
“What a fool.”


Nagato: despite his natural leadership skillz and charisma he can only tell really crappy jokes
“Someone told me to go to hell, couldn’t find it at first- so I started it.”


Konan: really salty burns delivered in her calm, stoic voice. She leaves your sorry ass butthurt on the cold, hard ground with goat screams and everything.
“Your jutsu just wastes paper!”
“Hardly. Your birth certificate was a waste of paper.”


Tobi: pretty sure it’s canon that Tobi LOVES cracking puns but he’s a big fan of knock knock jokes
“Senpai! Knock knock!”
“Tobi… Ugh, who’s there?”
“Ketchup.”
“Mother of Pein… *sighs* Ketchup who?”
“We should ketchup and TACO bout your problems!”
“KATSU!”


Zetsu: “PHOTOSYNTHESIS!”

anonymous asked:

lmaoo in those arrow throwing videos, literally nobody has any clue and matt is randomly taking charge out of nowhere and nobody even bothers to listen to him. it's the funniest thing, matt is running between two segments like it's the hunger games, kat being super giggly, isiah running around like headless chicken and harry literally not even bothering to move from his corner why are they like this lol

god i love them so much, they were so terrible at it?? the guys kept on telling them what to do but no one knew what to do. oh my, this cast are my everything

Why I Do This
  • Me: [buying pieces for my Supergirl cosplay] oh my god this is gonna turn out so bad
  • Me: [hand-sewing the emblem and the cape] no one is going to like it
  • Me: [putting on the costume] i'm too fat for this character, people are gonna heckle me
  • Me: [walking around Comic Con] i look so crappy why did i even bother i should just—
  • Little girl: [shuffling her feet, tugging lightly on my cape] Supergirl, can I please take a picture with you?
  • Me: [internally sobbing from sheer delight] Yes! Yes you can!
  • Little girl's dad: [takes photo]
  • Little girl: [hugs me around my legs, gently tugs on my cape so she can whisper in my ear] you've always been my favorite superhero!
  • Dad+Little girl: [walks away]
  • Sister: hey man, you okay there?
  • Me: that was the single most amazing moment of my life

anonymous asked:

Would you ever get married or consider marriage?

Oh, dear GOD. 

I would fellate Pope Francis before I even gave consideration to the idea of marriage. Marriage is a farce. The idea of promising oneself to someone is against everything I am, every rational thought in my mind. I belong only to myself. Marriage would benefit me in no way, why would I bother?

Marriage is merely religious sentiment about ownership. Isn’t that adorable? I hate everything to do with it. No. Never. Not in a million years.

10

These are all the pictures of the process of making Crescent Rose and Myrtenaster.  I managed to get both done in three weeks…somehow…???  I’m in high school, I shouldn’t have been able to accomplish that.  Well anyway it’s a good excuse for the really amateur work.  

You get a bonus tour of my house because I couldn’t contain this damn project to even the entire basement.  

So I made all the pieces of Crescent Rose out of corrugated plastic, with the ugly edges finished off with electrical tape.  The shaft is a huge garden stake (with the corrugated plastic for the more structured upper half of it).  The red paint on the shaft was hand painted (I cannot tell you how tedious it was to get it looking just decent enough) and all the detail of the blade was just lazily sharpied on.  Something I love about it, though: it’s almost perfectly proportioned to the real thing, though it isn’t as massively huge as it is in the show.  I printed out a giant picture of it, made a pattern piece for the shaft and each segment of the blade, and essentially  recreated the giant picture into a real, 3d thing.  

Myrtenaster took a lot more…innovation.  My plan for making it constantly changed as I continued to work on it.  The dust cartridge is made out of a chopped up spray bottle for some sort of cleaning stuff.  But since I couldn’t have it just flopping around, I stuffed it with half a toilet paper roll.  Yeah.  It’s held all nice and stable by…literal poop napkin.  It actually worked so well though, like I could tailor it to the perfect size and still be able to thread the shaft that held the whole thing together through it.  The handle was made with the sawed off end of the shaft I used for Crescent Rose with the handle of a paint roller.  I’m for even sure what the blade is :/  Don’t look at the swirly design on the four tiny blades.  Don’t.  It’s so awful.  Sharpied on the morning of the convention.  Real fuckin awful.  

Post of the actual cosplays at the actual convention

He Sees Your Tumblr

I am making some pancakes on a Sunday morning, Calum sitting at the counter with my laptop. He asked me if he could borrow my laptop since his phone is completely out of charge (he forgot to charge it last night). I said yes because I didn’t want to hear him whine about how far his laptop was, which is literally a two second walk.

  He can be quite lazy.

As I wait for the pancake to cook, I watch Calum’s eyebrows going funny. He laughs at something and I don’t bother to ask him why, he is always laughing at something he just read on the internet. I can’t blame him because I do the same.

  “Oh my God,” he mumbles.

I raise my eyebrows at him but he is too concentrated to even look at him. I turn my attention back to my pancakes. I place two on a plate and walk behind Calum to put his plate just beside him. He doesn’t even thank me or look at his pancakes, he just keeps looking at my laptop. I wrap my arms around his naked torso and lay my head on his shoulder.

I can see he is on Tumblr but suddenly I feel like the edits and the posts are all too familiar.

Wait.

That’s my tumblr.

“Calum!” I shout.

He laughs as he takes my laptop in his hands and start to run. I start to run after him, he can’t see all the things I reposted.

Calum stops and stands up on the couch as he reads a post I reposted earlier in the week, “Calum’s arms are just life omg wow” he laughs and I feel my cheeks getting red as I remember the picture with that caption.

“Calum, give me my laptop!” I whine.

He chuckles, “Nope, this is way too funny!”

I shake my head no,“ It’s not… I’m just being nice to your fans. They asked me to follow them,” I explain.

“But they didn’t ask to repost their posts, did they?” He smirks.

I sigh, “Calum…”

He grins at me, “That’s so funny.”

I stand up on the couch and furiously take my laptop before going back in the kitchen. I close my laptop and go flip another pancake.

Calum comes back from the living room with a big smile.

“Don’t be mad, Y/N,” he says and I don’t reply.

He looks at me, waiting for me to say something. Sighing, he comes closer to me and wraps his arms around me as he back hug me. He kisses my neck slowly, knowing I love when he does this.

“Sorry,” he murmurs between two kisses.

I sigh. “It’s just so embarrassing,” I say as I hide my face in his chest. I giggle some nervous giggles and he laughs.

“I find it cute,” he says.

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Oh my god I can’t be bothered arguing with people about why (white) spider man doesn’t need another identical reboot like if you’re not going to do something different don’t reboot the whole goddamn franchise so soon after you’ve already rebooted it
The Garfield movies were actually pretty good so it’s not like they’re even improving on a bad film

why do I even fuckin g bother
I’m never enough
I never was & I never will be
Everybody hates me I hate me I hate me so much
All I do is make everyone angry oh my god
Why am I still here
Why why why