oh god this kid is driving me insane

✨ Squad Goals Season Three: Episode 2✨

When I wake up the first thing I notice is how nice my hospital room is. I must’ve been moved to a VIP ensuite. I have to blink several times to focus my eyes and when I do I see my parents lying together on a pull out couch, a shaggy blanket resting over them.

“Mom?” I croak my throat is  on fire. Neither of them budge and I can’t blame them, they’d probably been here since the… The accident. My hands fly to my stomach and immediately a surge of pain shoots throughout my body.

“Mom!” I say louder and this time my father wakes up, his glasses resting messily on his nose.

“Amelia! Louise ( in all honesty you guys i forgot what I named her mom. If u remember comment it lmao) wake up!” He shakes my mother awake and she is immediately attentive, pressing all types of buttons next to my bed and running into the hallway calling for my nurse.


“Don’t try to talk sweetheart, they just took out your trachea tube a few hours ago, your throat is going to be sore for a bit” I nod in understanding and accept the icy glass of water he’d poured me.

“Miss St. John, how are you feeling?” A female doctor walks in with a timid looking nurse trailing behind her.

“Where’s Justin?” I ask in a panic. He was the one driving, did he take the brunt of the accident? Everyone’s eyes shy away from me and I clench my fist and then regret it immediately as it crunches in pain.

“Answer me, please?” I beg and the doctor nods.

“Mr. Bieber, Justin. Has been placed into a medically induced coma. Though he didn’t suffer nearly as many injuries as yourself his were a bit more taxing on his body.”

“But he’s okay?” I ask and the doctor gives me a sad smile,

“not at the moment no, but he will be” I nod and decide that that answer is more than enough for me. Justin is alive.

“Rhiannon, sweetie, how much of the accident do you remember?” My mother asks from her spot behind the quizzical looking doctor I close my eyes and wrack my brain. Flashes of headlight, the beeping of horns, and the shattering noise of class come rushing back full force and I wince with a sigh.

“Don’t strain yourself Miss St. John. Many patients find it hard to recall traumatic accidents” I try to rub at my temple but a large white cast covers one of my hands and the other arm is wrapped from elbow to wrist.

“We were driving, we- we fought, someone honked and then nothing”

“Miss St. John you were thrown nearly a yard away from the vehicle. You experienced mild trauma to you spinal cord and as you can see your arms were damaged as well.” My body starts to ache as the doctor continues with a list of injuries,

“The glass from the car caused several deep lacerations to your shoulder area as well as to your forehead and your right leg had been dislocated. We have since rectified that.” My eyes travel down to my stomach which feels oddly numb with a dull, throbbing pain.

“The force at which your body impacted with the ground caused severe internal bleeding and…” Here she pauses and looks from my mom to my dad and then to me,

“Unfortunately Miss St. John, the fetus was for lack of a better word… Decimated” I pressed my castless hand to my stomach and felt a few raised ridges. The doctor saw my concern and began to explain,

“We had to stint a few of the internal organs in order to cease the bleeding. Those stitches are dissolvable and should start to blend with the skin in a month or so.”

“My baby is gone?” I ask with a croak and the room is completely silent. Why did I care about scars when I had lost a fucking child?

“We are so sorry sweet pea” my mother says, pushing past the doctor to kiss me on the forehead. My dad follows suit and soon I’m sobbing, loud, horrible tears.

“This is all my fault” I whisper and my parents attempt to hug and comfort me but I manage to push them away. I don’t deserve to be comforted.

“Can I see Justin?”

“Not at this moment no. They’re running some diagnostic exams” the doctor informs and I only sniffle.

“Can I see my friends?”

“Five at a time. I’ve seen our waiting room, you and Mr. Bieber have a wonderful support system” I nod and wipe my nose with an offered tissue.

“Kylie, Cara, Gigi, Kendall, and Selena. All the girls basically” my parents and the doctor leave the room and moments later a flurry of sweatpants and Nike short clad women hurry inside and flock to my bed.

“How are you doing Rhi?” Kylie is the first to speak and the rest look on with timid eyes.

“I um… I lost the baby” my voice cracks in the middle of my confession and my friends are quick to fuss over me.

“We heard earlier this morning, when they said your vitals were looking stronger. We’re so fucking sorry Rhi. You and Justin don’t deserve this” Selena says with her voice full of sympathy and her brown eyes watery.

“I just don’t know what, or how I’m going to tell him if he wakes up oh god what if h-” Cara places a firm index finger on my slightly bruised lips and apologizes when I let out a tiny wince.

“Justin is going to be fine. They should wake him up in the next week or two”

“Two weeks?"  The girls nod and a fresh round of tears attack me.

"I can’t handle this by myself for two fucking weeks” I say quietly and that’s when Kylie loops a pinkie with mine and says a firm,

“you aren’t alone Rhi. With us around you’re never alone.”


“I knew I should’ve stayed here in California. I knew it” mom?

“Pattie. Even if you were here what could you have done to prevent this accident?” Dad?

“I would’ve been stricter on what type of cars he could drive, he’s over here being speed racer and look what’s it’s done to him! Oh my beautiful boy” my mom starts to cry here and I can imagine my dad pulling an awkward face. He never was one for tears.

“You think that you could control what this kid whips around these streets? Try again Pat, he’s an adult now.” Dad has a major point. I want to tell him this but being in a coma is number one on the shit list. I can’t do anything but I can feel and hear everything around me and it’s driving me damn near insane.

“God it looks like it’s so painful” mom whispers and my dad grunts in agreement and then I feel a bit of pressure on my neck, not quite pain, thanks to the pain meds but an uncomfortable feeling nonetheless.

“Scooter is already looking into speech therapist and vocal coaches. He’ll sing again Pat, he won’t rest until he can” the pressure stops and my mom starts to sniffle.

“That’s what I’m worried about. He’s going to push himself so hard to get back to where he was, but what if that’s unattainable now Jer?” I hope dad hugged her I wish I could.

“The doctor said that it’s not totally impossible remember? When he ran the diagnostics he said that it wasn’t as slim a chance as he once thought”

“God it’s going to kill him if he can’t sing again” it really will.

“I almost don’t want him to wake up” what the fuck mom? My dad must’ve made a face because she’s quick to clear up her mistake.

“Not like that Jer. It’s just because when he wakes up he’s going to be hit with all of this news and I can’t bear to watch him digest it all at once.”

“You mean this on top of Rhiannon…”

“Poor thing. I’m going by her room in a bit. The girls are in there right now” what about Rhiannon? I’m panicking, I want to fucking scream I want to wake myself up but something is keeping me under and it’s so fucking strong.

“Pat call the doctor again”


“He’s crying again and I think he’s in pain.”

The entire summary of Zexal
  • Astral: *conveniently shows up* Hello I have no fucking idea whats going on and I don't even remember who I fucking am or what I'm doing here but I know how to card game so I'm gonna help you
  • Yuma: fuck no
  • Astral: Yuma do the thing
  • Yuma: I'm not gonna do the thing
  • Astral: Fine then don't do it
  • Astral: Numbers have my memories so help me find them
  • Yuma: Okay
  • Kaito: *flies in* My little brother is sick so I'm gonna take your fucking numbers now
  • Yuma and Astral: *transform into Zexal*
  • Kaito: well shit
  • Haruto: *blows shit up*
  • Black Mist: remember your mission, Astral
  • Astral: go away
  • Dr. Faker: Kaito, get those numbers to 'save' your brother and give them to me lol
  • Tron: Hold the fuck up, I need to get revenge on you so I'm gonna force my kids to do dirty work and I'm gonna torture children
  • Chris: Dad, your kinda fucked up
  • Tron: Dont care, imma absorb Haruto's life force and shit
  • Shark: I hate IV cuz he burned my sister, imma get revenge
  • Thomas: Omg no pls
  • Miheal: *murders Astral*
  • Yuma: nooooooo
  • Astral: *comes back* hello
  • Yuma: Tron be nice to your children
  • Tron: no
  • Tron: okay *lets go and falls into depths*
  • Dr.Faker: *kidnaps Yuma and Astral*
  • Shark and Kotori: We've got to save Yuma
  • Kaito: I want to save my little brother but I guess I can come along with you guys and help Yuma too
  • Astral: Yuma be free *throws yuma out*
  • Dr.Faker: Wait guys, no I love my kids. I just sacrificed the lives of my two best friends to save my youngest son from dying, I made a deal with a Bairan to save his life and now I gotta kill the Astral world or he'll get Haruto
  • Astral: wat
  • Vector: *shows up* hello!
  • Yuma: fuck off
  • Vector: okay
  • Yuma: well, everythings good now
  • Shark: Shit guys, the Barian's are invading and my sister is having some weird psychic power overload
  • Yuma: well thats not suspicious at all
  • Gilag: ayyy time to posses people
  • Rei: hello Yuma I'm super uber obsessed with you and I love you so much lets spend all our time together *fucks shit up*
  • Yuma: god dammit Shingetsu
  • Rei: oopsies
  • Astral: Shingetsu kinda fucks shit up a lot, I dont like him
  • Yuma: fuck you Astral
  • Alit: ayyyyyy Gilag wtf are you doing, don't fall in love on a mission *falls in love* *salsa music*
  • Alit: omg Yuma im rly gay for you. Let's be rivals
  • Yuma: okay
  • Alit: *gets beaten unconscious*
  • Gilag: Rei fucking did it. Im gonna get revenge
  • Yuma: okay Rei, I'll protect you
  • Rei: *fucks shit up*
  • Astral: *faints*
  • Rei: surprise I'm actually a space policeman
  • Yuma: sounds legit
  • Black Mist: Astral, let me out and I'll help you
  • Astral: no
  • Black Mist: pls
  • Astral: okay
  • Rei: omg Yuma help me I'm getting kidnapped!
  • Yuma: we've gotta save Shingetsu
  • Astral: *drives spaceship into Kaito's house* come on kids lets go
  • Yuma: oh shit, I let him give me a Barian card
  • Astral: how dare you *goes insane*
  • Yuma: *Pushes Astral out a window* *becomes Zexal II*
  • Vector: well shit
  • Don Thousand: *awakens* hello I am the god of the Barian world
  • Astral: turns out Barians were humans that were killed violently then transformed into devilish aliens
  • Vector: Black Mist team up with me
  • Black Mist: *sexual pose* Okay
  • Black Mist: *stabs Astral*
  • Astral: *fucking blows him up*
  • Yuma: Astral don't die!
  • Astral: I'm sorry Yuma, take care of the numbers
  • Yuma: *depressed for 1000 episodes*
  • Mihael: Surprise! We're good guys now. Also I heard Astral died, it wasn't me this time btw
  • Kotori: we made a grave for Astral
  • Yuma: ...yay
  • Kaito: Me and Chris made a portal, we'll send you to Astral world
  • Yuma: *goes to Astral world*
  • Ena: hello, pls help us
  • Eliphas: go the fuck away
  • Yuma: not without Astral
  • Eliphas: I'm going to wipe astral's memory of you and reprogram him with his mission
  • Yuma: fuck no *saves Astral and hugs him*
  • Eliphas: maybe you aren't bad after all, now go off and save us from the Barian world
  • Yuma: Hey we're back!
  • Kaito: *unconscious*
  • Yuma: oh...
  • Heartland: HEY FUCKERS, IM NOT DEAD *gets burned alive*
  • Shark: guess what I'm a Barian now
  • Yuma: *faints*
  • Everyone: *dies*
  • Yuma: Everyone died because of me! *crying*
  • Vector: *kills his own fucking partners*
  • Kaito: *dies on the moon*
  • Mizeal: This isn't what I wanted
  • Yuma and Astral: *transform into Zexal III*
  • Don Thousand: well shit *absorbs Vector*
  • Kaito: *appears as a mystical dragon*
  • Zexal, Shark, and Kaito: *kill Don thousand*
  • Shark: fight me now
  • Yuma: no
  • Shark: *dies* goodbye Yuma
  • Everyone: *comes back to life*
  • Astral: Well Yuma, goodbye. Never stop smiling
  • Yuma: goodbye Astral!
  • The end
Don't Worry Guys! I Fixed it.

HIMYM ep. 9-24.  (After Ted meets the mother, before everything went to hell… also you can either assume the divorce doesn’t happen, or they stay together/ reconnect after it did, or they manage to stay good friends)

Ted- And that’s the story of how I met your mother

kids are relieved and start to get up

Ted- Kids, I have to tell you something. Daughter - Really, you literally JUST finished telling us something. Son - Yeah, you’ve been talking for like 10 years. Ted - No way.  9 years -Tops… this isn’t really a story about how I met your mother. kids roll eyes   Ted- It’s a story about how I met…me.  How everything I went through taught me who I was.  How relationships that couldn’t work showed me how precious the ones that do work are.  How worth it waiting and  finding the love of your life is, even if it takes a while to get there.  And how friends become the family that you chose for yourself.    The mom and dad that keep you grounded and give you advice you’ll actually listen too (Cut to Marshal and Lilly yelling “chug chug chug”).    The younger brother that drives you insane but keeps life fun (Cut to Barney and Ted playing laser tag)   The older sister that you look up to, idolize, because she knows what she wants and goes for it.  That you would do anything for and who makes you want to be better. (cut to Robin as an anchor or really doing anything AWESOME)    Kids, you’re growing up.  You’re not always going to want me around.  I wanted to impart a little wisdom before you stop listening to me…. The Mother (Interrupting)- Oh my god.  What are you still doing in here.  Marvin’s outside. He said he’d drive you to the mall.  Now scoot.   (Kids look incredibly grateful, jump of couch and run out) Mother to Ted - Now come on.  You’ve been gone forever and its our turn.  Kiss, grabs Ted’s hand and leads him outside.
On the porch (that we saw when Lilly first mentioned the porch test)  Lilly, Marshal, Robin and Barney are playing cards.   All - There he is (or something improvised that thank goodness he’s done telling his story.) Barney - Good.  Now take your turn.  ‘Cuz Robin and I are gonna kick your butt and it’s gonna be Legend… wait for it… END