oh god this is so shitty

so the us might get nuked by korea any day now, food prices are skyrocketing, everything’s prices are skyrocketing

and i just got told by the landladies that there is a very real chance both they and i (their renter) have a high chance of being eminent domained off the property we all live on

it’s like life looked at me and said ‘you clearly don’t have enough reasons to be terrified right now, lemme fix that’

i have no idea what i’m going to do if it happens

i have no paying job, i take care of my elderly mother full time so she doesn’t have to go to a shitty nursing home that’ll kill her in two days by not following her strict diet or mixing up her meds (experience talking here nursing homes are dickensian bullshit in my state unless you can afford a private one and even those aren’t that great)

we pay way less than one would normally pay for rent bc i do other things for the landladies like watch their dog and stuff there’s no way we can afford to live anywhere else in this shitty fucking state

we have no family to turn to anymore no friends that have any way to help 

we don’t even have a damn car to live in anymore

i just wanna scream and never fucking stop right now

  • Leo: They call me coffee because I grind so fine ;)
  • Jason: Oh my god
  • Piper: They call me coffee because I keep you up past 2am
  • Jason: Pipes, not you too…
  • Nico: They call me coffee-
  • Jason: Please no
  • Nico: Because I’m dark and bitter and most people don’t like me without changing some aspect of who I am
  • Jason: Oh

anonymous asked:

Yo what r ur favorite voltron headcanons?

Y’all ready for this.

  • Allura is buff as fuck and uses every available opportunity as an excuse to rip off her sleeves. She’s lucky the Castle is able to replicate clothes because otherwise she would’ve run out of dresses by like. Day 9 lmao.
  • Hunk has two moms who love him very, very much.
  • Shiro and Keith are bros, either literally or figuratively.
    • I love them being half or adopted brothers, but my favorite origin story is that they met at like, a Garrison-operated space camp a few years back. Shiro was a cadet volunteer.
    • Shiro was 17/18 and awkward as hell with the kids but already a natural when it came to piloting. Keith imprinted on him like a baby duck.
    • Shiro, on the phone: Matt. Matt, you gotta help me. Matt. This random middle schooler adopted me, what do I do? Yes, I’m being serious! Yes, he adopted me. No, I haven’t seen any paperwork! Matt. Matt. Oh my god, stop laughing at me and put your mom on the line already you jackass. I hate you. Hi Colleen!
  • Lance is Coran’s favorite human and it’s obvious to everyone, including Zarkon. 
  • Allura introduced Alfor’s hologram to all the Paladins and his favorite was Hunk.
  • Shiro and Matt used to be Huge Memers back at the Garrison but then they became these space hotshots and heroes and people that kids looked up to so they had to dial it back. 
    • Lance can never know that Shiro has an encyclopedic knowledge of shitty memes. It is his greatest, and his most treasured, secret.
  • Allura and the Mice gossip like all the time and Hunk/Lance are determined to get in on that.
  • Coran would have a crush on Bill Nye.
  • Pidge and Keith are Gay Best Friends who like to undermine corrupted authority figures and dismantle the establishment. They also hunt for cryptids in their spare time, even in space. 
    • Is there such a thing as space cryptids?? Or is that just like. Aliens. Alien aliens.
  • Coran is Allura’s gay step-dad and he’s also kinda adopted the rest of the team. Lance is his son, everyone else is his niece/nephews.
  • Lance and Hunk were born outside of America and either immigrated in when they were younger or attended the Garrison on a student visa.
  • Keith is Texan (however this is now like 80% canon so. Say hello to your new god.)
  • Lance loves Beyonce.
  • Shiro has a serious sense of gallows humor lmao
  • Nobody Is Straight Or Neurotypical.
    • I also go back and forth a lot on gender headcanons lmfao… Pidge is definitely a trans girl to me though.

In light of an unfortunate display of ignorance I witnessed today, let me take a moment to make something blatantly clear, for anybody that needs it:

-making fun of someone for using a fidget spinner, to the point of them displaying obvious embarrassment and shame, is disgusting. 

-when you say things like “Oh my GOD, I hate those spinners! They’re so annoying, what are they even for haha” you are being willfully ignorant. Spinners are marketed towards people with anxiety, PTSD, OCD, ADD/ADHD, Autistic people, and many other people with brains different from yours that need an outlet to focus, relax, relieve sensory-related issues, and many other things that yours does automatically. Most of the ones I see advertised even specify “For anxiety/stress/ADHD/Autism/etc”

-Making fun of someone for other behaviors such as rocking, hand flapping, echolalia, hair twirling, skin picking, hair pulling, etc is in fact, also a shitty thing of you to do. It’s also unnecessary, cruel, and humiliates the person who is doing those things.

-Don’t make fun of people who use fidget spinners. Don’t make fun of people who stim. I don’t give a rat’s ass if you think it’s unnecessary, or it “looks weird” or it “looks gross.” Don’t do it. You KNOW what you’re doing. I know what you’re doing. I’ve had it, I’m done.

God damnit, Hargen

Context: Our party is two dwarves and a human, and we were in a town that was being attacked by just about everything on the face of the planet, including a fire demon and a really shitty necromancer.

DM: Hargen, roll a d20 to see if you avoid the fire stream.
Hargen, OOC: *Rolls a 9* FUCK
Dm: So, Hargen attempts to dive out of the way of the incoming flames, but in the process his clothes are caught alight, roll to see how badly.
Hargen, OOC: *Rolls a 2* Oh god I’m dead aren’t I?
DM, now with terrifying smile: Wrong, while narrowly dodging the fire, Hargen’s clothes and beard catch alight-
Our party: WAIT WHAT
DM: And within a few seconds Hargen is left naked and beardless, for all the world to see. Take ten damage.

Our party pretty much lost it, but then the DM, still with that evil grin, rolls a few dice, and says this.

Dm: The neceomancer, incredibely flustered at the sudden showing of such a high quality anatomical form, the enlarging magic it was directing at the demon goes haywire and is now aimed at whatever part of Hargen’s body he is focusing on *Proceeds to roll natural one*
Dm: Hargen’s dick grows four times it’s regular size
Hargen, OOC: FUCKING SCORE
Orgar: HARGEN THE WALL’S ALMOST DONE FOR AND YOUR NAKED FOR FUCKS SAKE PICK UP YOUR PILLAR DICK AND RUN
Hargen, OOC, and face lighting up: I lost my sword earlier, right?
DM: Yes? Why’d you ask?
Hargen, OOC: Can I slap the demon with my dick?
We had to stop for five minutes because we couldn’t stop laughing. I ended up having to renounce my god and call upon a new one just to save his ass while Orgar tried to drag civilians out of the burning tavern because they were too caught up staring at Hargen’s lengthed staff.

“..I don’t know how to make this any more clear..”

“K-Kobayashi-san!”

im trying to start drawing again and im just so in love with this anime♥ like, its so super cute and its honestly just genuinely heartwarming ♥ ♥ ♥

i really want tohru and kobayashi to kiss in the finale tomorrow!。゚・(>﹏<)・゚。

When Cass is out with one of her brothers and gets catcalled by some random gross dude:

  • Dick pretends the catcaller was addressing him (“Looking hot!” *pretends to gasp & swoon* “Oh my god, you really think so?”)
  • Jason gives the catcaller a lecture about sexism while brandishing a gun (“Do you know how hard it is for women already without your shitty comments in the mix?”)
  • Tim turns and looks the catcaller dead in the eyes, managing to convey enough nights of sleeplessness and years of depression to scare the guy into silence (“…” “…I’m gonna go.”)
  • Duke sighs, rolls his eyes, then takes the direct route (“Man, will you do us all a favor and shut the hell up?”)
  • Damian pulls a knife and stabs the catcaller in the leg

OH MY GOD 15 MILLION??? THATS INSANE

Let me start off by saying congratulations on 15 FREAKING MILLION SUBSCRIBERS @therealjacksepticeye YOUVE WORKED SO HARD AND YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE YOU REALLY DO

HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN WATCHING YOU I CANT EVEN ANSWER THAT i cant even say how much i want to thank you. Youve played such a large role in my life when times were shitty and nothing made me happy, i would just watch your videos and find myself giggling and even full blown laughter! 

I love how you keep in touch with your viewers when you make videos that discusses your opinions or your feelings and even your regular videos, you still show that youre you and youre not afraid of expressing that. 

You make ALL OF US AND I MEAN ALL OF US WHO WATCH YOU so happy even if you dont think you are. We all watch your videos and find so much joy in every second of them. We cant thank you enough for being a part of our lives and making them worth living. Even if you dont think youre doing anything, just being you and making these videos for US, youre bringing us all together. We’re so happy to watch your videos and thank you for bringing us so much happiness Jack. WE LOVE YOU!

TWO EPISODE FINALE LET’S GOOOOO IT’S POST-SPN SCOUTTHOUGHTS!!

  • opens with sam and dean dying that one time this is gonna be good
  • SAAAAM YOU ARE A LEADER
  • GRENADE LAUNCHERRRRRR
  • dean/rpg went canon and they’ve been teasing that just as long as destiel maybe tonight IS THE NIGHT
  • JODY HELL YEA
  • AMERICAN HUNTER PARTY 
  • SAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!!!! oh my GOD that SPEECH!!! yes. YES
  • my HEART
  • MARY. KILL KETCH. KILL HIM EEEEEND THIS
  • would everyone please stop destroying my bunker
  • SATISFACTION 
  • GOOODDDD ITS OVER THE BMOL CRAP IS FINALLY OVER
  • KICKIN IT IN THE AAAASSSSS

ok first ep down ONTO THE NEXT

  • my favorite part of the full season recap was dean getting slapped on the drum’s downbeat
  • “PLEASE, GOD…” me, laughing
  • lmfao the crowley scene
  • ROWENOOOOO
  • WHO ARE YOU MASKED MAN
  • crowley you are so dumb you never even wanted this job
  • big beautiful lumbering piles of flannel
  • [LOUD WINCHESTERS TYPING]
  • caaaassssss the baby was lying about paradise EVERYONE LIES ABOUT PARADISE
  • THROWS FISTS IN AIR!!!! BOBBY
  • a world they never saved :o
  • his gun is named rufus oh my gooodddd
  • cas needs to give more forehead kisses
  • HE SAID CHUCK!!! YEAA
  • BYE BOYS.
  • CAS NO
  • i
  • cas
  • CAS

alright.

ALRIGHT.

albino MANCHILD JACK. he chose cas for this dumb shit ain’t no way he won’t bring him back

jack.

you get down here.

and clean up your shitty mess

“you have your mother’s eyes” 

Lily stood there with her back straight, tears streaming down her face. Her arms spread wide out, as if that will protect the infant that was behind her in the crib. She looked up, into the face of the intruder. Searching, hoping, for a flicker of hesitation. Instead, all she saw was a smile. Perhaps even a laugh, she did not know. She could only hear her own cries. “Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!”. She was begging, hoping, he would comply. In that moment, her vision was blurry. She wanted to turn around and kiss Harry one more time, wanted to tell him how much she loved him….”Please … have mercy … have mercy…”.  One more kiss, one more look, one more moment. “Please”. The last thing she saw was a green light coming towards her. 

“you have your mother’s eyes”

Harry looked into the face of his opponent. His back straight, but his body aching. His clothes having stains of dried blood. He must die. It must end. He did not say a word. He couldn’t. Instead, he pictured Ron and Hermione. His best friends. The ones he dreamed of having during his childhood, when Dudley and his friends laughed at him. His two best friends who stuck by him, who protected him. He pictured his parents, whom he saw moments ago. He knew they were beside him. His mother was likely standing in front of him, like she had done years ago. But this time, it was Harry’s turn to protect those he loved. Ginny’s face popped up into his vision. When he had seen her in the castle, he wanted to hug her. Have one last moment with her. One last kiss. He straightened his back again, and looked into his opponent’s red eyes. He saw the mouth move and a flash of green light, and everything was gone.

Angsty Bojack Horseman Sentence Starters
  • “The most important thing is, you got to give the people what they want, even if it kills you.”
  • “You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me.”

  • “Life is a series of closing doors, isn’t it?”

  • “Am I a good person?”

  • “That’s the problem with life, either you know what you want and you don’t get what you want, or you get what you want and then you don’t know what you want.“ 

  • “There’s nothing for you behind you. All that exists is what’s ahead." 

  • "Family is a sinkhole, and you were right to get out when you had the chance." 

  • “I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.” 

  • “You didn’t know me and then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.” 

  • “Closure is a made up thing by Steven Spielberg to sell movie tickets”.

  • “We’re just two lonely people trying to hate ourselves a little less.” 

  • “I don’t think I believe in ‘deep down’. I think that all you are is just the things that you do.”

  • “You were born broken, that’s your birthright.”

  • “You know what your problem is? You want to think of yourself as the good guy.”

  • “you’re a selfish goddamn coward who just takes whatever he wants and doesn’t give a shit about who he hurts. That’s you.”

  • “You know, it’s funny… when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

  • “I’m sorry, alright? I screwed up, I- I know I screwed up.”

  • “You can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!”

  • “You are all the things that are wrong with you.”

  • “Fuck, man. What else is there to say?”

  • “We’re not doomed. In the great, grand scheme of things, we’re just tiny specks that will one day be forgotten.”

  • “The only thing that matters is right now, this moment, this one spectacular moment we are sharing together.”

  • “I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.”

  • “He’s so stupid he doesn’t realize how miserable he should be. I envy that.”

  • “It’s not about being happy, that is the thing. I’m just trying to get through each day.”

  • “I can’t keep asking myself ‘Am I happy?’ It just makes me more miserable.”

  • “It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are and even longer to see it doesn’t have to be that way.”

  • “When you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. It’s not you, you tell yourself. It’s that bad thing you did.”

  • “It’s so cruel to let people love you. All you’re doing is promising you’ll one day break their hearts.”

  • “One day, you’re gonna look around and you’re going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.”

  • “There are some people you can’t save. Cause those people will thrash and struggle, and try to take you down with them.”
  • “ Hey, I wanted to talk to you about… you know. I feel bad about what happened.”
  • “I don’t forgive you.”
  • “No. I’m not gonna give you closure. You don’t get that. You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it’s never, ever going to be okay!”
  • “You have to believe me. I did everything I could.”
  • “I had a good life, but what I needed then was a friend! And you abandoned me. And I will never forgive you for that.”
  • “Now get the fuck out of my house!”
  • “ Look, I’m sorry about all the stuff I said about you earlier.”
  • “Do you… do you think it’s too late for me? I mean, am, am, am I just doomed to be the person that I am? “
  • “I, I, I need you to tell me that I’m a good person.”
  • “I just wanted to tell you that I know. I know you want to be happy, but you won’t be… and I’m sorry.”
  • “ What more do you want? What else could the universe possibly owe you? “
  • “I want to feel good about myself. The way you do. And I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can.”
  • “If you ever try to contact me or my family again, I will fucking kill you.”
  • “ You can’t just disappear. You really hurt a lot of people.”
  • “In this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make.”
  • “It’s so sad that when you see someone as they really are, it ruins them.”
  • “You like being there to rescue me. Because it makes you feel good about yourself.”
  • “ You know that I don’t do the whole love thing. Either you end up hurting someone or they hurt you. So what’s the point?”
  • “ Uh…. Oh, god, I’m drowning. I feel like I’m drowning.”
  • “Hey, we have all done shitty stuff before. Most of us aren’t as proud of it as you seem to be.”
  • “It doesn’t get better and it doesn’t get easier.”
  • “I can’t keep lying to myself thinking I’m gonna change, I’m poison.”
  • “I come from poison and I have poison inside me and I destroy everything I touch. That’s my legacy.”
  • “I have nothing to show for the life I have lived. And I have nobody in my life who’s better off for having known me.”
  • “You’re gonna wanna kill yourself, and there’s going to be no one left to stop you.” 
Alien AUs
  • “Okay, I know I told you I’m an alien and everything but I swear to god if you try to get me to say ‘greetings earthling’ I will punch you. Of course no one says that! What is this an ‘80s film!”
  • There’s this new kid in my school and they’re pretty weird. Not the cliche kind of weird, as in they actually don’t know how to fully operate as a human being and I think they might be an alien. 
  • “What am I if I fall in love with a being from a different planet? … No, i’m just wondering of course.”
  • “Uhm, hey, long story short I’m not from around here and there are people (with guns) chasing after me please please please let me hide in your house?” 
  • “I don’t know what would’ve been worse, me finding a bear in my kitchen at 4AM eating all my food or a cute alien eating all my food at 4AM.”
  • “Are all humans this cute?”
  • “I got hunted down and dragged out of hiding and now I’m in some scary lab (pretty sure I’m about to be dissected) but just before the operation this scientist came in to check everything was alright, wait what you’re unhooking me from the machine now we’re running away out of the science lab. man, maybe humans aren’t that shitty afterall.” 
  • “We crashlanded on Earth and despite being rivals we’re too scared to think straight and we keep clinging onto each other for dear life, oh god those humans think we’re a couple, quick you zogloid kiss me before they realise anythi— damn, you actually did it.”
  • “You’re my alien friend and I’ve decided to run you through all the human things you don’t understand, starting with films. I decided to pick Star Trek and I can’t get over the fact how you’re so fixated on the screen and characters, omg you’re adorable.”
  • (Alternatively) “You’re my alien friend and I’ve decided to run you through all the human things you don’t understand, starting with films. I decided to pick Star Trek and honestly I’m about to lose it because all you’ve been doing throughout the whole film is rant about how it’s so inaccurate and how that would never happen and watching you get so (adorably) angry about it is a lot more entertaining that watching the film.” 
  • “I was meant to only come to Earth to get information about humans so my race could figure out how to dominate the planet but I think I’m falling in love with my test subject, shit.”
  • “I don’t understand human emotions or motives but who the sparax made you cry I’m GOING TO HUNT THEM DOWN AND KILL THEM — too much?”
  • “I was always taught that humans were really horrible creatures, but something must be wrong with your DNA because you’re the most adorable, funny human I’ve ever seen… did I say that outloud?”
  • “Dude, just because I come from a different planet doesn’t mean I can’t understand English. Yes this does mean I did understand that comment you made about my butt.”

requests are open!

How to give a vampire a headache

Some context. Classic WoD campaign, Chicago. A group of hapless neonates, freshly arrived to the city and accused of pretty much treason, we’ve been given 48 hours to investigate and try to save our asses. I play a Tremere investigator and we also have a Gangrel forest ranger, a Brujah gangbanger, a Toreador tattoo artist and a Giovanni emo teenaged hacker.

We’ve all been rolling pretty spectacularly bad all night and chuckles at our fails abound. Earlier I had made a low roll on an Intelligence + Occult roll to identify whether a ghoul was under another vampire’s thrall (despite my high stats on both the dice just hated me). Later on, our Giovanni has another look at the ghoul and rolls high in the same. The following occurs.

ST: You’ve rolled high enough, [Giovanni] and you identify something in her behavior as suspicious that reminds you of what you’ve read about the Dominate discipline.

[Giovanni]: I’m pretty sure she’s dominated.

ST: [turns to me] [Tremere], you rolled real bad earlier so you’re still convinced that she’s not and that [Giovanni] is wrong.

[Giovanni]: Here, I’ll explain it to you in short words.

(They both happen to have the highest Intelligence stats in the coterie)

Me: I listen to his arguments and explanations. I elect to ignore the fact that he’s patronizing me.

OOC Me: [Tremere] is just 100% done with these dice rolls so he’s like, whatever, maybe he’s right.

ST: [Giovanni] Roll me a Manipulation + Expression. Difficulty [Tremere]’s Willpower. [he succeeds] Excellent, [Tremere] what [Giovanni] tells you shakes something loose in that ginger head of yours and you recall a detail you recently read in the many, many books your Sire made you read through as part of your training. [gets technical about how Dominate 3 can be undone by someone of appropriate power and experience, things my character really ought to know]

OOC Me: [I am so done with my shitty rolls] [Tremere] makes a face as realization sets in and it’s so humiliating he thumps his head against the nearest wall. [Jokingly] Do I roll for head-desking?

ST: …Do it.

Party: [sniggering]

OOC Me: Well shit. [rolls… and botches so spectacularly I am speechless]

[Gangrel]: All those 1s…

ST: Well, somehow your irritation makes you overdo it and instead of a simple boop you straight up head-butt the wall. Roll to soak the damage.

OOC Me: OH MY GOD. [I roll my crappy soak… and botch spectacularly again] NO!

ST: Congratulations, your Tremere takes 2 bashing damage from the wall. You have a sizeable bump on your head and a headache.

OOC Me: …….I need a mortal to take some aspirin so I can bite them.

Party: [just dying]