oh god im so hungry

the camping au: corporate retreat
  • so this is a nice post samaritan world
  • life’s good, if kinda boring
  • the “a team” and “b team” rarely interact
  • so harper and root are chilling and smoking up one day and root’s like "why do we never like. hang out"
  • harper snorts. “because your boss is boring as hell”
  • “he smokes just as much as you do”
  • “point”
  • root sighs a little. wraps up a little more into her blanket burrito. “i managed a small company once. we should have some kind of corporate retreat!”
  • “corporate….retreat….”
  • “team building! it’ll be fun”
  • shaw pops her head out of the bathroom she’s been hotboxing. “anything you say is fun results in at LEAST three dead bodies and a hospital visit”
  • root grins. “thats not what you said–”
  • “stop, im not high enough for this” harper interrupts
  • shaw rolls her eyes “what do you want, root? us to all hold hands and sing kumbaya around the fire?”
  • “why not! plus then we could make S’MORES holy shit sameen do we still have that chocolate from last weekend? harper grab the graham crackers oh my god im so hungry”
  • harpers already vaulted over the couch and is tearing through the pantry
  • bless her
  • shaw sighs. she really wanted denny’s
  • but hey, at least root forgot about her team building exercise bullshit
  • (root in fact, did NOT forget)
  • because bright and early the next morning she calls dani, haper, john, shaw, and finch to the subway
  • dani blinks sleepily and paws at the coffee harper’s holding
  • harper gives her a tiny kiss on the forehead. “say ‘please’ or i’ll put it somewhere you cant reach it”
  • dani glares but its just. more cute than scary
  • (she can’t reach anywhere)
  • harper takes pity on her
  • “so i’ve gathered you here today…” root begins
  • shaw pinches her ass. “don’t be annoying”
  • “you’ll regret that later!” root says brightly in her sing-song voice
  • “root,” john asks slowly, “why is there a mini van parked out on the street”
  • “like i was /trying/ to explain before sameen so rudely inturrupted–”
  • “she wants to take us camping”
  • root pouts. shaw is such a buzzkill
  • harold, as usual, is the voice of reason. “who will watch over the city while we’re gone?”
  • “have a little faith, harry, She’s got us covered! between carter, zoe, fusco, and the rest of the other new york team, we’re more than fine”
  • john nods. he trusts the secondary team, they’ve more than proved their worth
  • harold looks somewhat pacified
  • dani’s not super hyped. “camping. in new york? some vacation”
  • “not new york, seattle! near mt rainier”
  • shaw: you want us to camp on a goddamn mountain? we’ll freeze. and most of you will die. i didn’t sign up to carry your corpse off a mountain
  • “you’re so sweet to worry sameen, but we’ll be fine. in the summer it’s mild, there’s no snow and from what She’s shown me, it’s really beautiful”
  • john: didn’t know you were such the nature enthusiast, root
  • “i’ve been known to appreciate beautiful things”
  • harper rolls her eyes and shaw absolutely does not blush. it’s just kinda stuffy in the subway
  • root rocks a little apprehensively on her heels. she’s actually pretty excited to get a real vacation out in the middle of nowhere. no danger. no people. just clear rivers and so much green
  • texas was /nothing/ like this
  • “so what do you say?”
  • “someone has to make sure your skinny ass doesn’t get carted off by a bear. or fall into a river”
  • john looks to harold. harold shrugs amicably. it’s not like they have anything else going on. some peace and quiet could be nice. “we’re in”
  • harper shrugs. “it’s either that or we rewatch lost. count us in”
  • “but i was looking forward to that” dani grumbles
  • “it’ll be there when we get back. believe me, season 4 isn’t gonna be your cup of tea anyway”
  • “you watched /ahead/? harper! you said–”
  • “you can sleep in the car”
  • “…..fine”
  • “SHOTGUN” shaw calls before sprinting off
  • “YOU’RE NOT EVEN TALL SHAW GODDAMNIT” harper yells, running after her
  • root skips off after them, keys in hand
  • dani groans loudly and trudges off to claim the back seat for nap purposes
  • john pats harold solidly on the shoulder and they make their way to the van, hand in hand
  • shaw, of course, has won the shotgun battle
  • dani has claimed the entire backseat despite her small size
  • root’s in the drivers seat, already starting off what’s sure to be an outstanding road trip playlist
  • harper is trying to coax her way into the back seat with dani
  • “dan, come on, i’ll buy you coffee for a year”
  • “mmrf”
  • “AND i’ll rewatch xena with you”
  • “mmrf?”
  • “yes, and you’re xena, hands down. i’m totally gabrielle”
  • dani relents and plops her head in harpers lap
  • harold and john relax in the middle seats
  • “has anyone noticed we have no camping equipment. or spare clothes” john mutters under his breath
  • “im hoping she’ll figure it out before we leave the state” harper adds equally quietly
  • harold smirks. “is that a bet?”
  • dani pops her head up. “i give her three hours”
  • “two" harper counters
  • john frowns. “she seems pretty excited. i say until we cross state lines”
  • “four hours” harold decides
  • a text pops up on harpers phone
  • from: shaw
  • ‘i bet i can get her to forget about clothes AND camping equipment until tomorrow morning’
  • shaw looks into the rear view mirror with a devious smirk
  • harold looks concerned, dani mildly uncomfortable
  • ‘bring it on’ harper mouths back
  • shaw wins, of course. but only because she destroyed root’s clothes so throughly in the hotel room
  • period: oh my god im so fucking hungry
  • me: makes a full meal
  • me: takes one bite
  • period: actually i changed my mind i feel sick now
  • period: sorry
  • period: to show that i really am sorry........ back pain!!

snowpocalipse  asked:

Prompt: Beca and Chloe live across each other in an apartment building and one of them orders a pizza but the pizza guy gives it to the wrong gal and they took it because 'OH MY GOD I WAS SO HUNGRY IM SORRY!'

She heard the voice first in the hallway. It’s angry, she thought, and holding a one-sided conversation. And, sure, Beca wasn’t one for eaves-dropping, but these walls were thin, and when there sounded like drama was around the corner…well, it’s not like there was anything good on tv that night anyway. 

It didn’t take long, though, for her to realize what the source of anger was. Because there’s only so many times that a woman can say “pizza” with an air of anger before one naturally assumes that this is the source of such fevered anxiety. Beca looked from the wall she placed her ear on eagerly to the coffee table, where half a pizza sat, uneaten, and sighed. 

No one needed to tell her she was a horrible person; this was a thing she already knew. It just didn’t help to have it proven time after time. Especially when the only thing tempting her was cheesy goodness and the added taste of free food. 

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