oh god i look like an idiot in the first one

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 4

It’s amazing to see how much we can create together, my amigos. Here’s part 4.

  1. “Look, I might be evil but even I have standards.”
  2. “Do your parents know you’re dating Death?” “No, I promised we wouldn’t get back together after he broke up with me the first time.”
  3. “Wait why am I naked and covered in cheese?”
  4. “Good god, that cake is fuckin stale and dry mate!!” “Just like how you are recently? Gee, thanks.”
  5. "There is always time for a high-five.”
  6. “Karen, what would ever posses you to find me here.”
  7. “Oh my god, put that man down! Come on, let’s go get you some REAL food.”
  8. “A demonic sugar glider?”
  9. “People always say they never thought they would be here but I absolutely did.”
  10. “And I thought I was a bit weird. But you! You are insane!”
  11. “So your hair knows kung-fu? Ha, that’s nothing! MY hair knows HAIR-ATE!” (You know, as in karate) (This used to be an insider between me and a friend…)
  12. “One day, darling, you and I are going to conquer the Universe not just our world.”
  13. “Did you seriously think they wouldn’t notice when their humans went missing?!”
  14. “Well, maybe next time you should consider that not everyone wants to be woken up at four in the morning by a- what IS that, anyway?!”
  15. “Now, how exactly did your foot get stuck in the barrel?”
  16. “I hope you realize what you’re doing. This forest never ends, you know that, right?”
  17. “You can’t just kill someone and then make it all better by saying sorry!”
  18. “Why the fuck is my cat levitating?!” “He said he wanted to feel what flying was”
  19. “You’re trying to tell me you killed three men…with a microphone?”
  20. “Hang on, are you a John Wick fan?”
  21. “IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING!” “And?” “ I have a strict no murder rule until eight. Call me then.”
  22. “I did realize you were going to be naked the whole time”
  23. “Ok, I understand you like animals, but you can’t just bring a tiger into the apparent without asking!”
  24. “I…I didn’t want you to find out like this. I’m so sorry.”
  25. “OH MY GOD CATHERINE! I JUST SAW A NARWHAL! I’M TELLING YOU, I SAW A FREAKIN’ WHALE UNICORN!”
  26. “I gotta go, I left my toaster in the oven!
  27. "Why is there a gaggle of fancy buisness men on my front lawn?”
  28. “Can you please stop referring to me as ____! That’s not my name!” “Then what is?” “I don’t know!”
  29. *Sarcastic* “Yeah, sure. I won’t at all mind being your footslave.” “Oh, goody! I knew you’d agree!” “Wait, what?”
  30. “When are you going to give up on this whole ‘evil’ thing?” “When it stops being so much fun!”
  31. “You didnt say to KILL the man!” “WELL I DIDNT SAY NOT TOO”
  32. “Mum, Dad… I’m gay.” “That’s nice, honey, but now is not the right time!”
  33. “Take a look at your soul and consider your life choices! Oh wait, that’s right! You don’t fucking have a soul!” “Oh, god, just go drown in a bathtub of syrup why don’t ya?”
  34. “I kindly ask you to please quit making your heart stop. It’s creeping me out!” “So… Y-You were sleeping in a coffin” “Yeah I’m used to it” “Are you a vampire or what?! How can someone get used to sleep in a coffin?” “No I’m used to sleep I never said that I’m used to sleep in a freaking coffin!”
  35. “Darling I love you, more than I can ever express in words…. But please stop teaching chickens necromancy.”
  36. “I wanted to know why you stole souls, not your melodramatic backstory…”
  37. “I really wish that old white man would stop rubbing his nipples at me”
  38. “You know it is written: Do not summon Satan, right ?”
  39. “Look around, what is this?” “My room?” “No, this is pathetic.”
  40. “I’ve been a professor for 20 years, and yet still my greatest secret hasn’t been revealed–I can’t read.”
  41. “Our souls don’t belong in these 'human’ bodies, every one of us is implanted here from another galaxy, and this has been the case for a thousand years. No one knows what 'actual humans’ are like without us inhabiting them.”
  42. “Did you just create a portal in time and space to pull another version of yourself into this world so I have to deal with another annoying idiot?” “No but thanks for the idea.”
  43. “You’re bleeding?!” “Nah, I’m frolicing in a field of flowers - yes I’m bleeding!”
  44. “Let me get this straight. I tell you that I make a decent omelette and you somehow equate that to qualification for piloting a spaceship?”
  45. “It’s the weekend! Let’s hit the town! See a concert, redo our wardrobes, get high, start a crime ring, I don’t know.”
  46. “Keep running, you’ve only got 4HP!”
  47. “This is clearly your first time. Stop screaming already, you’ll wake the neighbors!”
  48. “Has anyone seen the outdoors?” “What the fuck is an outdoors?”
  49. “Why do I feel like this again, I thought we were done with this?”
  50. “Look, as much as I like to hang out with you, I’ve gotta go and save the earth. Toodles!”
  51. “Have you seen?… oh shit”
  52. “Two questions: one, how many matches do you have, and two, where do you keep your socks?”
  53. “Because fuck surveys, that’s why!”
  54. “Stop yelling out the window or the koalas will rip your face off!”
  55. “I guess when I heard 'Night of Debauchery’… I didn’t picture muffins on your pajamas.”
  56. “Honey, you can’t keep throwing people to the pit of pain and despair just because they don’t like choc mint ice cream.”
  57. “Oh, no honey, put that back…”
  58. “It’s going to be too late, you know. It’s always too late.”
  59. “Hey, so, uh… I’m in trouble…” “What did you do this time?” “I got stranded in Wales….. again…”
  60. “OK, but… how do we get the dog out of a hole in space in time exactly?”
  61. “Aren’t people supposed to grow instead of shrink ?”
  62. “Wait. You’re aroused?” “Why would that surprise you?” “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  63. "I pay your taxes”
  64. “No, ____. We did not raise our hamster like this.”
  65. “You can’t run from your own shadow(s), what makes you think you can run from theirs?”
  66. “You adopted… a dog?” “Mate, that’s not a dog.”
  67. “And at this moment, he decided to punch himself in the face.” “Narrator, listen, I know you’ve been with me my whole life, but you’re a huge jerk.”
  68. “Why didn’t you tell me it was a portal BEFORE we ended up here?”
  69. “Is that…the Mona Lisa.” “…Yes…” “What did I say to you about stealing priceless artifacts!?” “…That I had to take you with me next time.” “Exactly!”
  70. “Yes, I agree, magic is pretty cool. But did you really have to use it for THIS?”
  71. “Despite the fact that was epic, you’re still suspended”
  72. “Chill, dad it’s not what you think it is!” “Well it looks like you’re making out with the demon your grandma banished to cellar…WHY IS HE IN YOUR ROOM?”
  73. “If you truly love me you’ll let me-OH FUCKING HELL DID YOU JUST STAB ME!?”
  74. “Spoon”
  75. “What began as a conflict over the transfer of consciousness from flesh to machines escalated into a war which has decimated a Million worlds.The ___ and the ___ have all but exhausted the the resources of a galaxy in their struggle for domination. Both sides, now crippled beyond repair, the remnants of their armies continue to battle on ravaged planets, their hatred fueled by over four thousand years of total war. This is a fight to the death. For each side, the only acceptable outcome is…“
  76. ”… I’m going back to bed. You brought it here, you can deal with the mammoth yourself.“
  77. "Is the food supposed to be moving?”
  78. “You mean to tell me that in the two minutes I was gone,  you bombed a minor country,  got married to a stripper,  and assassinated a world leader?!”
  79. “Is that a unicorn???? EATING MY BEEF JERKY?!”
  80. “Do I get to dream about you again tonight?”
  81. “Well now I have to change clothes AGAIN!”
  82. “All of this was because of a… OF A PLUSHIE?!” “Well…Yeah?” “Great, how are we going to get out of jail now?!”
  83. “So…you gonna tell me why my brother is upside down and why you’re wearing my purple thong?”
  84. “Did you really have to burn down another Cracker Barrel?”
  85. “Sir, that’s impossible, you can’t do that.” “IS THAT A FUCKING CHALLENGE?!?!”
  86. “We need to invade Portugal.” “…Sure, why not?”
  87. “Did you divide by zero?! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL US ALL”
  88. “Stand down, Milady, this is a matter between gentlemen with mustaches.”
  89. “Next time you get arrested I am NOT paying your bail” “That’s a lie and you know it.” “….”
  90. “I thought you were dead.” “So did I”
  91. “John dont flush the dog down the toilet”
  92. “What did I say again about resurrecting dictators??”
  93. “Cucumbers are NOT pets… what do you mean, you ate him??”
  94. “Are you and God seriously fighting right now? And what happened to Satan?”
  95. “Are ferrets supposed to be blue??”
  96. “I’m the protagonist? Well I guess that explains why I look like about a thousand other people.”
  97. “Why do I do this to myself?”
  98. “Stop eating your tortilla chips with ketchup. It’s unattractive.”
  99. “How do you eat an entire cheese wheel in one sitting?”
  100. “Why are God and Satan moving in with us?”

Let’s make one more ‘100 Dialogue Prompts’ list together. Leave a comment with your prompt below. Don’t forget the double quotes “”. And as always, only one prompt per amigo! Also, here is your random Dutch word of the day: pindakaas

You Have No Idea

Originally posted by gryffinclaw-in-wilde-times

Peter Parker x Shy Reader

Request: Yes

Summary: Peter and the Reader go to school together, however once Peter shows up at Stark tower, the Reader is curious as to why he is there.

Word Count: 1,930

Warnings: language, fluff, adorableness, talk of powers, annoying Tony, shy reader (bc I’m trash). (Err, that’s it?)

A/N: To the anon that requested this, I hope you like it! I sort of changed it up a little bit, so I hope you don’t mind. The length of this, I apologize, holy shit. I could not find a way to end this. *Also, the Reader’s powers are based on the character Catiana (in case you are wondering!) Please let me know what you guys think of it, I’d love some feedback. Enjoy reading!


Walking into school, you held tightly to your backpack and moved swiftly through the crowd, avoiding an “accidental” bump in with anyone that came unexpectedly.

Since you had a few minutes before your first class, you went to your locker and replaced the books in your backpack with the ones you needed today for classes.

Rolling your eyes and groaning as you picked up your heavy Algebra book, you stuffed it roughly into your backpack.

It’s not that you hated math, it’s just you weren’t that great at it, which definitely bothered you since you were in a class full of legit geniuses.

Not only did that class give you anxiety with being called on or not understanding anything, but it was also because there was one nerd who always caught your attention. The one that should probably be in college level math rather than Algebra in some high school. The one who looked so soft and cuddly. The one with the never ending collection of sweaters.

The one named, Peter Parker.

Keep reading

Here’s the full transcript of Mark talking Darkiplier in the livestream

(Time approx. 3 hours, 52 minutes to 4 hours, 4 minutes into the stream. And, yes, this took forever). Thought you’d like this, maybe.

I’ve bolded stuff I find especially interesting.

~~~~~~~

Mark: Long ago, a long time ago, I liked to do these scary edits because I just felt like doing scary edits and this is how Darkiplier got born. And then what happened was over time Darkiplier became less and less about the scary figure and more about this romantic figure, and it always rubbed me the wrong way. And I kind of shied away from Darkiplier for a while. And I really really really- if I was going to bring Darkiplier, and when we thought about this, we thought, okay there should be a Darkiplier route. And that was there from the beginning, and so when I wanted to do it I wanted to do it my way, and I wanted to do it right, and I wanted to have this unending level of creepiness. And at the same time, I didn’t want to step on the toes of Antisepticeye because I know there’s a big fan base of that, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that at all and I really don’t care that there’s more than one dark personalities of people. But when I saw the opportunity to have this character here, I spent like 8 hours editing this, like just meticulously every single RBG. This is a layer, we green screened this one, I color corrected it, I separated the RBG layers I added the shakes and glitchiness every frame. I worked on the voice, too. The voice took me the longest to figure out. Like the shakes! And my computer was dying this whole time cause I put my effects on here.

Tyler: The amount of time you had to spend rendering this.

Mark: And so, the audio’s actually three separate layers. It would have been two, but Kathryn helped me out on that one to make it more clear. It’s a normal pitched layer that’s edited, echoed, reverbed, mastered, and convoluted which means it’s just thrown off to the left and right, and then it’s a deep layer of that. But then to make it really come together- it didn’t live without this center channel that wasn’t convoluted but was centered. But getting that voice right was so pinnacle, so paramount to what I wanted to come out of this. And we did like thirty minutes of shooting various versions of me talking to the camera and I wanted to pick the exact dialogue that really kind of gave away my idea of what Dark is in not a terribly obvious way.

Tyler: The other thing, this was supposed to all be one video.

Mark: But YouTube annotations, this new version doesn’t allow you to link the same video multiple times, so these are literally the old videos that I first did when Darkiplier first came about, like, these are the ones, especially this one here, and then this is my cheap knockoff Darkiplier.

Amy: Canon Darkiplier.

Mark: Canon Darkiplier. And I’m going to readily admit something. I joked about Darkiplier because it didn’t seem like something people wanted to take seriously, and I’m okay with that on certain aspects but it had diverged into multiple different facets and multiple different personalities, and everyone had their own version of Darkiplier, and I thought it was hilarious that, “Hey, here’s my version of Darkiplier, and he’s an idiot.” Like, he’s just this weird emo kid. And then I stepped back from that, like, I stepped back. And you can even- in that time, when I was doing those videos, in this era, I was not very happy. I was kind of… I was pessimistic about a lot of things. And I felt like that bled through in a lot of things I did. And that’s why even October of last year I literally made Darkiplier an emo character. And then when we were getting to this, I thought about it like very carefully and I thought back to why I did it originally, and I did it originally because, well, Darkiplier wasn’t even a thing. Darkiplier was not a thing when I was making those videos. I just wanted to make some creepy stuff. And then I thought about that, and I was like if I want to make a statement about who this is, I need to own that and I need to put something out there that is not ambiguous, because I realize that’s where I went wrong. I didn’t have a solid character so obviously, people would come up with their own versions, they would fill in the gaps where they saw fit. So, when I made this I had to embrace it fully and fine-tune it down to exactly where I wanted. When you choose the “fake” choice carrying through to this one, I really wanted that to come through, except at the end to this video, where it gets silly, but that’s because the real me comes in and the real me’s an idiot. And I’ve actually watched this over and over again because I’m listening to the takes I put in here and I’m listening to my inflection and my tone, my demeanor and I’m imagining like how to refine it better next time when I bring him back, like how to do it better.

Tyler: I remember now, I set up the table.

Mark: Yeah, you did. You set up the table we had to change it out for clear glasses because the green screen was reflecting through. But yeah, even this, like the intersplices of anger, and this is me getting real deep in the meta of Darkiplier, like if that’s even a thing that can be- let me just pause it here. I don’t read too much into this but if there’s something that I want to take seriously, I want to actually do right. So, in my mind, Darkiplier is an entirely different person from me. But, much like Warfstache, doesn’t obey the laws of physics. He exists in another world entirely and bleeds through into this one. This is sounding really nerdy of me.

Tyler: I remember the Warfstache talk.

Mark: So Completely unironically, Darkiplier is a completely separate entity from who I am. But, he admires what I’ve accomplished, and he’s very much… people picked up on this, and people thought it was really creepy, because it’s what I wanted. He’s a social manipulator. He is literally, 100% manipulative. He leads you into this false sense of security, and he wants you to trust him because he wants to take advantage of you. That is literally what I wanted for Darkiplier. And how creepy and scary that actually is from the surface. Especially in this first bit, where he says, “If dinner is what you want, then I can provide.” And I wanted this to come across in a seductive way while also masking, like, this burning rage inside that breaks through the suave nature of it. That was my clue to reveal he’s not your friend. He’s not here to help you. He’s here to use you. And that also came across when I was thinking about, like, the effects. Like, his image shatters, he separates because he’s not entirely kept together, you know what I mean? So, I wanted like the drastic impacts of the rage pulling back suddenly to the calm nature and the demeanor and this last one, I was thinking was especially telling. It’s not me trying to break through, it’s his shell cracking.

Kathryn: I love that.

Mark: Yeah? It’s my favorite of all of them.

Kathryn: That’s one’s my favorite. I have legitimately just gone and watched that bit.

Mark: Yeah?

Kathryn: It’s really good.

Mark: Oh, thank you.

Kathryn: I really like that.

Mark: Yeah. And number 1 the visuals work hard on this one, but nailing the audio- that high-pitched ringing that a lot of people were like wow that really hurts my ears, that was by design. That was supposed to hurt because listening to him- a lot if inspiration for him comes from G-man from Half-life 2 and 1, like this weird interdimensional person that seems human but is obviously not and doesn’t obey the laws of physics, and is just like this shell of a person that’s in a suit. Not a suit, literally a human suit, and is trying to figure out how to puppet it right that you believe him, but he’s really good at it. And that’s where the scariness of Darkiplier, I think, really comes from, is because he seems like someone you can trust, and he will manipulate you, and take advantage of you, and literally use you, and to me that’s terrifying. Like that’s the antithesis of what I want to be and so if I’m going to make an opposite version of me, he’s gonna be the fucking worst. Like worse than any romantic story can ever bring about. He’s fucking awful.

Amy: It was convenient, though, I like the way it goes from Relax to this, like the video “Relax,” because then people were not expecting this. But it’s so nice to have it on Valentine’s Day. It works so well.

Mark: And then came the bullshit transition that we had to do. So, this is comical in a way.

Amy: It doesn’t drag it though.

Mark: Yeah it doesn’t drag. You get the scary. Tyler’s here-

Tyler: In Mark’s suit, which I have fit in, but not the pants.

Mark: He didn’t fit, we forgot to get a tie, like, we printed out a mask, and I looked at this and was like I could try to make this creepy, and then I went, I objectively can’t. Let me throw in some punch sound effects.

Tyler: I have to make sure, cause-

Mark: He couldn’t see shoot.

Tyler: No, I couldn’t, and I had to keep moving the mask cause there was one time we did this that the mask ended up completely on the side of my head and I was just like, hey Mark, you can’t touch my face.

Amy: The convenient thing about this, though, with all the glitches is that you can hide stuff with it.

Tyler: Yeah, and there’s a reason I never let go of Mark I have no clue where anything is.

Mark: Yeah, oh man. Oh, this, oh my god. Oh, and secret Easter egg- you know who Dark is because he doesn’t have a shadow. Totally intentional and by design.

Amy: His toes are missing too, but.

Mark: Shh he doesn’t have toes he’s so scary.

~~~~~~

.

Loki and Children

I have been having some thoughts about the original mythological Loki and the thought that has been on my mind most is this:

Loki is

1. Surprisingly great with kids

2. Is addicted to parenthood

Let me explain.

As to the first bit, well, yeah, it’s surprising. Or it should be at first glance. Because, seriously, this is fucking Loki. Standing in close proximity to him for longer than a minute is bound to result in theft, arson, a splash of bloodshed for color, and at least one confused party waking up in bed with the fucker. He’s a chaotic, manic, and generally hazardous force to be reckoned with.

To us. That is, adults.

Mortals, gods, giants, trolls, dwarves, et cetera–but only those who are mature.* *Read: there is Something to be Gained from conning, seducing, or otherwise messing with us. Whether it’s to save his own skin, or to get some sweet petty vengeance, or to steal a bauble, or to satisfy some carnal itch, or to just fuck up somebody’s day for the Hel of it, Loki only ever targets those he can take something worthwhile from. 

And what is there to take from kids? 

Plenty of folks on his extremely extensive Enemies List have children, of course. No one in the Norse mythos was especially mindful of dropping their seed. So. Children.

Children–easy to fool, easy to make a hostage, easy to charm and siphon their parents’ secrets and treasures from–should be great big bullseyes to the God of Mischief and Trickery and Assorted Other Unscrupulous Things. Yet there isn’t a single Edda or snippet of lore in which Loki makes cruel use of them. Not once. 

But what’s the big deal? Most of the rude and/or villainous characters in Norse mythology don’t bother with harassing kids either. Except in the case of stories like Loka Táttur.

Loka Táttur is a tale about how a farmer loses a bet with a vicious troll who swears to kill the farmer’s little boy. The farmer calls upon three gods in turn. Odin, Hoenir, and Loki. Odin and Hoenir both disguise the boy and hide him away, but the troll is too clever and each time manages to sniff out the boy’s hiding place. Ultimately it is Loki who hides the kid–pulling an Idunn-in-a-Nutshell gag and hiding him as a speck on the eye of a flounder in the water–and then, rather than stepping back as Odin and Hoenir did from their work, he sits in his boat and lets the troll see him.

The troll, being suspicious, asks what Loki’s business is. Only fishing, obviously. The troll demands to join him. Lo and behold, they bring up a wealth of flounders, including the one where the boy’s hidden. Loki manages to change the boy back to his true shape and hide the kid behind his back without the troll noticing. As Loki brings the boat back to shore, and to the farmer’s boathouse with the latter’s doors open, Loki tells the boy to run through the boathouse. He goes, the troll gives chase, and the troll becomes wedged in the entryway. 

At which point Loki proceeds to chop off the troll’s legs and stick an iron stake in the bastard’s skull. Then he walks the kid back home. The grand payoff for Loki after all this? 

The boy is safe. The troll is dead. The End.

Huh.

Now, much as Loki may have been the catalyst for a lot of corpses pre-Ragnarok–see his business with Thor getting his hammer back and leading more than one giant into a death trap–Loki is actually very rarely, if ever, one to get his hands dirty by killing a victim himself. Even Baldr was done in by an arrow he aimed with blind Hod’s fingers. So why did Loki personally orchestrate this plan in such a grisly way? For what gain?

What, other than the satisfaction of personally slaughtering the would-be child-killing prick troll?

In a less bloody narrative, we see his hand in getting Thialfi and Roskva, a pair of mortal siblings, taken into Thor’s service. While the exact ages of the two aren’t mentioned, they are young enough to still be in the care of their parents. When Thor and Loki are travelling it’s their father who invites them under their roof. Thor’s goats are slaughtered for the evening meal and–in some tellings–it is Loki who entices the son, Thialfi, into breaking a leg bone to taste the marrow. When morning comes and Thor resurrects his goats, one has a broken leg.

Thor’s visibly pissed—never ever a good thing–and so the family offers to make some compensation.

Loki, coughing through his hand: ThialfibroketheboneheshouldpledgeservicetoThor

Thialfi: Uh–

Loki, clearing his throat: Alsotakethesistertwoforonedeal

Rosvka: But I didn’t do anything—

Loki, en sotto voce: Kids, consider your options. Teensy mortal lifetime of toil on Midgard, harvesting dirt and snow on one hand. Potentially immortal lifetime, I don’t know, scrubbing giant blood off Mjolnir in Thor’s hall on Asgard on the other. Verdict?

Both: Sold.

Loki: Excellent! Really, Thor, you’re a master dealmaker, a born barterer, I’m in awe.

Thor: Wh—

Loki: AND WE’RE BACK TREKKING LETS GO

Cue laugh track.

Point being, Loki has been shown to purposefully go out of his way to help kids because…because. Yet how does this translate to the idea of him being good with kids?

I ask this purely hypothetically and am trying not to laugh as I do, because really. Really. How in the hell is a kid not going to be entertained by the Norse god of revelry and recreation?

Oh yeah, that bit’s often left off the résumé.

Loki, God of Mischief, is also God of Recreation. Play, in other words. Because playtime is a thing that is Chaotic rather than a product of Order, and so Loki is naturally all over it. There are some who even credit him with having added that trait to the first humans, Ask and Embla, while Odin, Vili, and Vé were carving them and breathing character into their souls.

On top of that, he’s also the god of flyting—poetic shit-talking.

So we have a shapeshifting, storytelling, magic-wielding, game-spinning, trickster god who can also teach young ears every bad word they could ever hope to learn, and he’s expected not to be a hit with kids? This is all without even mentioning the fact that Loki is a bit of a hyperactive attention hog all on his own. What better audience for him than a gaggle of credulous little onlookers who are too young to sneer at his antics rather than take delight in them? Children are wee balls of mischief themselves, muddled in with imagination and wonder and an eagerness to be wowed or made to laugh themselves into weeping.

All of which brings me to point number two:

Loki is a kidaholic.

Like, even though a lot of his and/or her sleeping around the Realms can be chalked up to an insane libido, there’s also just the sheer number of kids they’ve produced to factor in. Maybe more than even Odin or Thor could boast. At least half being born from Loki herself. Not because Loki was helpless against the workings of nature—it’s impossible to believe that Loki wasn’t smart enough or powerful enough to get around producing new Lokisons and Lokisdottirs with every other bedmate—but because Loki wants more kids. There will never be enough kids.

The guy’s got a case of severe paternal/maternal hoarding going on. I mean

Loki: I need another one.

Odin: You really don’t.

Loki: You’re right. I need two other ones.

Odin: I am positive that you do not.

Loki: Three. Triplets. Need them. Right now.

Odin: Loki.

Loki: Four? Four. Definitely four.

Odin: Loki, please.

Loki: Yeah, let’s go with four. I can give or get. I’ll flip a coin.

Odin: Loki, as Allfather, I am expressly forbidding you to impregnate or be impregnated for at least a century.

Loki: Fine.

Odin: …

Loki: …I’ll settle for three.

Odin: What did I just say?

Loki: Three’s a good number, isn’t it? All good things come in threes. You and your brothers—

Odin, fighting an aneurysm: You and your brothers—

Loki: So you agree!

Odin: I did not—

Loki: Three it is!

Odin: Loki—

Loki: Be back when I feel like it

Odin: Loki

Loki: Give my love to Sleipnir

Odin: LOKI—

Loki, pantsless, vaulting over the wall, cartwheeling towards Jötunheimr’s Ironwood forest: Bye

It’s in that Ironwood that he meets Angrboda and fathers a giant wolf, a giant snake, and the literal corpse-faced queen-goddess of the dead by her. Being that Loki’s scope of attractiveness/aesthetic acceptability is elastic enough to let all sorts of species between his legs, I find it hard to believe that his kids’ unique looks would repulse or even faze him. They’re his children. Therefore they’re great.

And we all know how that happy family ended up. Ditto his second family with Sigyn and his two little twin boys.

Enter Ragnarok, warfare, general Bad Times, and so on.

Anyway.

Comical as it is to envision a Loki who cringes at the notion of parenthood and/or fears his more monstrous children, I just don’t believe it lines up with what we know of the Loki of myth.

Myth Loki is a god who would spend hours entertaining a child, simply entertained that the child is entertained.

Myth Loki is also a god who would hunt down and methodically dismember whichever idiot thought it would be okay to make a child cry within said god’s earshot.

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 5

Great team work, amigos. Here’s is part 5! 

  1. “Why is there a naked Ken Barbie doll tied up in your room?” “Goddammit, ____! I told you not to go in there!”
  2. “No Candice, I am NOT selling you my soul again.”
  3. “why is the fairy holding a gun.”
  4. “Jesus Christ on a boat made of crackers, what are you doing outside of the pod ship again?”
  5. “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT” “He said I couldn’t… and I thought it was a challenge…”
  6. “How the fuck did you dye the ocean ORANGE?!”
  7. “Why are the roses green?”
  8. “Great, you made death angry.”
  9. ”この___だ!”
  10. “That better be a press on tattoo.”
  11. “If you only listened to the nature, you could learn more than humans ever passed to us.”
  12. “So, we’re dead?” “Well, kind of… yeah.”
  13. “Remind me again why you have a centaur tied up in your truck?”
  14. “Can you stop staring into my soul every time we meet? I feel exposed.”
  15. “You do realize that he wasn’t breathing when he spoke to us, right?”
  16. “I liked you better when you where possessed by that demon friend of yours”
  17. “You’re absolutely in love with him and have been for at least 2 years if you don’t go tell him how you feel I swear to god I will”
  18. “There are worse things in life than death.” “Nobody asked you,Lucifer.” “Just saying.”
  19. “Well, it’s wonderful that you’re having a sexuality crisis, but in case you forgot, we’re kind of in the middle of STOPPING THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!”
  20. “Why is there a horse crashing on our couch?” “Oh, that’s Satan.”
  21. “Why would I hang out with you? You’re so incompetent! Your sacrifice to the faeries was so insufficient!”
  22. “Where the hell did the dragon go?! He was right here!”
  23. “Ok, the recipie calls for two cups of lemon and a cup of sugar, but all I see are cough syrup and battery acid…”
  24. “What do you mean today’s not a Tuesday?!”
  25. “So everyone on Earth had the same dream as me?”
  26. “you know what will solve that? Scotch.”
  27. “I didn’t ask for this!” “… you didn’t?”
  28. “How is it that the least likely outcome is always the outcome I receive?!” “You should go buy a lottery ticket.”
  29. “Guys, i know you’re all busy, but if any of you wants the dinner done, i will need my arm back”
  30. “Of COURSE I care about you. That’s why I sold your soul on the black market.”
  31. “JOHN I AM BEGINNING TO QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF YOUR PLAN” “AS AM I ALEX, AS AM I”
  32. “What?”
  33. “I will take the concept of my rage, transform it into a physical weapon, and use it to BEAT YOU TO DEATH!”
  34. “Did you really HAD to slap the shark?!” “I mean… If you want me to kick it-”
  35. “I don’t care, your tamagotchi dying is not an excuse to wake me up before noon!”
  36. “You are telling me that the socks with hearts that I’ve been mocking since the first day you arrived are, in fact, what keep you alive?” “Yes!” “What?”
  37. “So you really want me to believe that you’re actually from the future?”
  38. “Dude. What have you done. Now we HAVE TO save those aliens!”
  39. “Can you just stop?” “God no, why would I do that?”
  40. “Hey at least I get laid doing it”
  41. “While that’s a lovely story, it doesn’t quite explain the fires.”
  42. “Dude, please tell me that you planned to deal with her guardian angel when you killed her.”
  43. “That’s such a stupid idea… let’s do it.”
  44. “What do you MEAN this just HAPPENS?!” “All the time, actually.”
  45. “I swear, one day you’ll kill us both.” “Oh please, I’ve never been that reckless.” “…” “That was ONE TIME!”
  46. “Why did you buy a nuke?!” “Why wouldn’t I? It was on sale”
  47. “I am fueled purely by rage and instant coffee.”
  48. “How are you a million years old, bit you can’t even remember who George Washington is?”
  49. “Because I gave not, a single shit.”
  50. “Is that a marijuana? In my good  Christian suburbs?!”
  51. “WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE?? YOU NEVER USE THE DRAGON, YOU IDIOT”
  52. “I don’t care if he’s a unicorn, NO ONE EATS MY MINI EGGS!”
  53. “Jesus Christ Lewis! *Again* with the Snails?” “It’s Thursday! You said Thursday’s were okay!”
  54. “Here’s a story for you. I woke up in Vegas as a makeup guru. I was REALLY drunk.”
  55. “If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you…WAIT, NO IT WAS A JOKE, STOP!”
  56. “You’re kinda like hitchhiking Ghost Busters, aren’t you?”
  57. “For gods sake, ditch the fanny pack”
  58. “Take the tomato!” “No, I don’t want the tomato” “JUST TAKE THE TOMATO”
  59. “‘That’s no moon!’ Everyone  remembered Jimmy’s words that night as he scolded his friends for half-heartedly pulling their pants down.”
  60. “WHY IS THERE A BEAR IN MY BATHROOM”
  61. “Can you believe it?” “Just barely.”  "Man, I never thought he would ACTUALLY throw the chair.“
  62. "What did you THINK girl scout cookies were made of?”
  63. “Really? That’s not what I heard from Mrs. Sanchez across the hall!”   “Mom she’s literally a possessed cow, why do you listen to her?”
  64. “You got the rubber chicken, cheese whiz, and dish soap?” “Yep” “Ok, let’s do this!”
  65. “Are you building a life-sized Godzilla at 3am again?”
  66. “Don’t get pissy at me, YOU’RE the one who didn’t say what kind of tea bags to get for the clown!”
  67. "So YOU’RE the guy the math textbooks warned us about.”
  68. “Where’s our cat?” “I thought you were responsible for it?..”
  69. “What do you mean I’m half demon”
  70. “why are you duct taping a cat to the ceiling?” “aesthetic.”
  71. “Hope is a lie. So is philosophy, morality, language in general, the sky, dogs, and about a third of the population of Michigan.”
  72. “So let me get this straight. You filled a Darth Vader costume… With cats?”
  73. “How did I die this time?” “Well, it was pretty quick. I missed it, but from what I can tell, you convinced an entire school of 4000 people to throw watermelons at you all at the same time.” “…And?” “The impact of the watermelons threw you back a couple hundred kilometers and you landed in the ocean…inside the mouth of a particularly hungry shark.” “Goddamn it I wanted this death to be metal!”
  74. “Yesterday I learned that my childhood friend was a demon.”
  75. “Please tell me you said 'What bothers me most.’ "Yes? What the hell did you think I said?” Well….it kinda sounded like “His father’s meatloaf.’
  76. "Goddammit, why won’t you die?!”  "I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! “
  77. "I’d appreciate it if you fucking stopped, thanks.”
  78. “What the hell is this?” “It’s jello, you eat it”
  79. "You didn’t” “I did and I made them watch”
  80. "Why in the hell did you think this was a good idea?” “Look, YOU try saying 'No’ to not just a primordial deity, but my little sister as well.” “…Ok, you got me there.”
  81. “How do you know that it’s supposed to look like this?”
  82. “Are you making *tea*?!” “Well what else am I supposed to do?” “I don’t know maybe STOP THE MONSTER THATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!”
  83. “Why are you in a dress?” “Lucifer wanted to have a tea party. You don’t say no to Lucifer”
  84. “So you’re telling me that aliens invaded while I was on vacation?”
  85. “I appreciate the gesture but I prefer my horses fried rather than alive.”
  86. *whining* “But Mooommm, I don’t want to save the woooorrld!”
  87. “Now I know not to cry there”
  88. “What if we DIDNT kill the king every Thursday” “Good idea we’ll kill him on Fridays instead.”
  89. “So you’re a zombie now?” “I guess I am” “So what are you gonna do about it?” “*shrug* I don’t know….”
  90. “I guess you weren’t joking when you said that the world is ruled by ants”
  91. “When I die, tell everyone 'I told you so.’”
  92. “You’re not real… You’re only in those silly books!” “Correction, my dear, you’re the fictional one.”
  93. “There was no 'free pie’ you moron! You stole it!”
  94. “Okay, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my pet rock has gained sentience, just like we planned! The bad news is that it turns out he’s evil and is currently building a rock army with the intent of taking over the world. aaaand, he’s trying to get Mt. Everest on his side.”
  95. “Why is our baby on a wanted poster?”
  96. “Zombies are people too, Mom!”
  97. “… I’m gonna go for it. Hold my head for me real quick, and don’t put it on a mannequin like you did last time.”
  98. “Fascinating… I was unaware that was physically plausible.” “I know right.”
  99. “ACHOO!” “Bless you.” “No sorry, that won’t work on me.”
  100. “Bye, Felicia. Take you and your cat ears! GO!”

Prepare yourselves, because starting from tomorrow we will be making ‘100 Prompts That Will Make You Cry’ lists. Hope you enjoy this one. Which prompt do you like the most?

Anti Latinx Racism Is...

• Assuming all Latinxs are from the same/said country

• Assuming all Latinxs know Spanish

• Assuming all Latinxs should know Spanish

• Thinking issues Latinxs face are secondary to issues other marginalized groups face.

• Telling us to go back “where we came from”

• Thinking a Latinx is only respectable if they have a “high profile career” such as being a doctor, lawyer, etc

• Thinking all Latinxs look the same- we come in many different colors from all around the world

• Telling us we have to assimilate

• Trying to speak Spanish to us, thinking we all know it

• Thinking we all listen to Spanish speaking artists

• Blending in our cultures together. Latinxs come from many different cultures and all of them are unique and respectable

• Asking us to cook for you / assuming all we eat is Chipotle and Taco Bell shit

• Saying we’re “the best in bed” or “the best cooks” - that is FETISHIZATION. We will not appreciate or tolerate it.

• Calling us “spicy”, “caliente”, “fuego”, “mami” or whatever dumbass word you can think of. That is also fetishization.

• Making jokes about Trump’s dumb fucking wall

• Thinking Black Latinxs are less valid than non Black Latinxs. That’s also anti black racism which is also disgusting.

• Telling us we are not “Latinx enough” because of our skin color / ability to speak Spanish

• Thinking we all dance salsa, bachata, merengue… like seriously?

• Thinking all Latinxs know each other. No, I don’t know “Maria” from your job.

• Thinking only white people can be prejudiced against us

• Eating our food, listening to our music, using our fashion but blatantly disrespecting Latinxs. This one is pretty obvious and very common.

• Prioritizing documented Latinxs over undocumented Latinxs

• Thinking we all are teen parents. That’s ignorant and guess what? We’re not. Even if a Latinx is/was a teen parent, they’re still deserving of the utmost respect.

• Thinking every Latinx is “illegal”

• Thinking Latinxs owe you shit

• Calling us stereotypical names such as “Maria”, “Juan”, “Rosa”, “Diego”, “Jorge”, “Juanita”, “Alejandro”.. etc.. we have any name and our names, whether Spanish or not, are not for you to joke about. Shut the fuck up and go along with Richard Spencer and be a trash bag far away from us.

• Thinking we need to have a last name that is Spanish

• Derailing us when we try to talk about the issues we face. BIG ONE. Shut the hell up and listen to us for fucking once.

• Thinking we’re all criminals.. honest to god…

• Disrespecting Cinco De Mayo, Dia De Los Muertos, or any other Latinx holiday. If it’s not from your culture, either respect it or shut the fuck up.

• Disrespecting our culture.. duh!

• Calling us “Spanish”.. guess what, you dumb fuck? Spanish people are FROM SPAIN. Spanish people are also not Latinx. It’s not that hard. That’s like saying all white people are German or all Asian people are Chinese. That’s so fucking stupid. You are an idiot if you do this.

• “You don’t look Spanish / Latinx”

• Again, telling us the issues we face are secondary / invalid

• Using Latinx slurs.. if this wasn’t obvious..

• Calling us all “chola” or whatever.. you’re also very ignorant if you do this

• Telling us to calm down if we get angry.. we have a right to be angry just like everyone else on this damn planet

• Assuming we listen to a Spanish speaking music artist… like… ???

• Refusing to recognize the racism Latinxs face

• Thinking we should be glad to be fetishized. No fucking way, I will not be glad someone sees me as less than human and equates me basically to a sex toy.

• Thinking we haven’t face any problems.. we do. We do. Oh hell we do. Just because they’re not addressed in the media does not mean we don’t.

• Making jokes about calling immigration on us. It’s funny how I’ve seen Non Latinx POC do this more than white people.

• Thinking all Latinxs come from Spanish speaking countries… no…

• Thinking we’re all maids, janitors, fast food workers, nannies, etc… first of all, those are honorable jobs. Secondly, so fucking what if we were? You’re not better than people with those occupations. Thirdly, we have so many occupations- each and every one of them deserving of respect.

• Thinking we have to chose between our culture and westernized culture. We don’t.

• Saying stupid shit like “hot like Mexico”.. really? Are you serious?

• Only respecting Latinxs that look a certain way

• Making Anti Latinx jokes.. this is obvious

• Thinking you can appropriate our language and culture. There’s Spanish from Spain and then there’s Latinx slang. You cannot use our slang and then disrespect us which you all do tbh.

Other Latinxs feel free to add in because I obviously missed so much.

Nerds 1.0 || Peter Parker AU

Prompt - AU where Peter is a high school AP Physics teacher and Y/N is the Anatomy teacher and all their students ship them but they’re too awkward to notice the other one crushing on them, so the students take it into their own hands.

Warning - some vulgar language. extreme cuteness. teen!Avengers  :)))

A/N: btw the narration in this fic might seem a little salty, but that’s only cause I’m really salty right now about some stuff. 

not my gifs

Originally posted by arachnidiot

“Can you overgrown children give me like five minutes of peace?” She tells her overbearing students, they groan. 

“But mom!” Her most annoying student shouted, she rolls her eyes at the boy. Her students had made a habit of calling her mom and it was by far very annoying. 

“Tony, you call me mom one more damn time-”

“Ooh! She said damn, that’s a bad word!” Another one of her troublemaking students shouted from the back of the class. 

“If it’s a bad word, then why would you say it, Barnes?” She retorted, the boy deflated and sat back down. His boyfriend, Steve, laughing and trying to comfort him as his classmates laughed. 

“You guys are high school seniors. I did not sign up to be a teacher to babysit a bunch of five year olds,” she complained, everyone in the class knew she was joking. She was just as rowdy and annoying as they were, it’s why this particular class was her favorite. 

“Come on, Ms. Y/L/N, you know you love us,” Natasha, a troublemaking redhead sitting with her feet up on the desk, said with a barely noticeable smirk on her face. 

“No you’re wrong. You’re all terrible and I hate you,” Y/N lied as she took a sip from her cup of coffee that sat on top of a pile of papers. 

“YOU LOVE US!” Screamed Tony and Clint at the same time, jumping up from their seats and running up to her desk to hug her. 

She couldn’t hide her smile then. Sure they were all extremely annoying and loud, but then again so was she.  

“Actually no. You know who she does love?” Natasha starts, a smirk rising on her face. 

The whole class quiets for a few seconds before they all yell out. 

“MR. PARKER!” 

A red blush rises on Y/N’s cheeks at the mention of the AP Physics and Calculus teacher, Peter Parker. She tried to deny it every single time, but her students knew better. 

“Oh come on guys, not this again!” She whines, and throws her head in an exaggerated exasperated groan. 

Ever since Peter had been hired as the new Physics teacher, the students almost immediately began ‘shipping’ them together. The two of them had became close friends in the blink of an eye seeing as they were both huge science nerds, their students saw this. Continuously teasing the both of them about their crushes. Both of them trying their best to deny, but neither of them could lie well enough to a bunch of teenagers who knew and understood the signs of a crush. 

 “We will bring this up as many times as we can until you guys realize that there’s some major amor going on,” Sam says from the far right row of the class, chewing on his mechanical pencil as he not so discreetly tried to finish his Spanish homework before the bell rang. 

The class agreed with him. 

“Alright fine, we’ll play it like that. How about I bring up the topic of your grades?” She laughs as the majority of the class starts to beg her not to continue.

“That’s what I thought!” She shouts, laughing loudly at the defeated faces of her students.

For the remainder of the class they reviewed the cardiovascular system for the test they were going to have next class. 

The bell rings and the bustling students jumped around in excitement for lunch, “Bye Ms. Y/L/N!” they all shouted. 

“Get out! Go to lunch!” She jokingly yells, they laugh and push each other out of the classroom. 

Y/N smiles to herself and begins to grade papers from another class. 

“Ms. Y/L/N?” She hears a voice say, she looks up and turns her head to see the only freshman student in her class full of seniors. 

“Wanda, what are you still doing here? You should be at lunch,” she says in a concerned tone. 

“I know but I have a test in European History that I have to study for, and I wanted to ask something of you,” she explains. 

“Oh that’s right, I forgot, you have all senior classes. What can I help you with?” 

“Could I get some extra credit or something to raise up my grade? I have a college interview in a few days and they’ll be looking at my grades,” the girl asks, clutching her history textbook in her hands. 

“Wanda, you already have an A in this class…” 

“Yeah, I know but it’s a 99% because of that B that I got on the quiz about the systemic and pulmonary circuits, I was distracted that day,” she wasn’t directly saying it but she was begging for another chance, and Y/N didn’t need any more pressing from her pleading student. 

“Do you want to retake the quiz? I doubt you’ll get another B,” she offers, Wanda’s eyes light up. 

“Yes please!” Y/N chuckles at the young girl's’ enthusiasm and rummages through some folders for an empty sheet of the specific quiz. 

She finds it and hands it to Wanda who hurriedly grabs it and sits at the nearest desk. Wanda finishes the quiz in minutes before finally scribbling her name and class period on top. Y/N grades her paper in front of her, and to no one’s surprise, she got a perfect 100. 

“Oh my god, what a surprise…” Y/N mumbles, Wanda giggles to herself. 

The door opens and the two women turn to look at the door. 

There Mr. Parker stood at the doorway holding a bag of food that smelled strongly of New York takeout, he saw Wanda standing in front of Y/N’s desk and blushed. 

“Should I come back or…?” He trails off. 

“No need Mr. Parker, I was just leaving. Thanks Ms. Y/L/N!” Wanda says as she begins to walk to the door. 

Peter walks into the room and sets the food down on the desk. Y/N looks behind Peter to see Wanda giving her an enthusiastic thumbs up, then pointing at both Y/N and Peter and making a heart with her fingers. Y/N got up and removed her sneaker before chucking it at the girl, Wanda dodged it and quickly left the class. 

Her unmistakable laughter bouncing off the walls of the hallway. 

Y/N sat back down to see Peter looking at her weirdly. “What was that about?” He asked opening the container of takeout food, Y/N blushed immensely. 

“Oh, nothing.”

Wanda runs into the lunchroom in search of her friends, the seniors. 

They sat in their usual table, eating away at the chicken wings that were being served today. 

“Guys! Guys!” She shouts as she nears the table, they turn their heads to look at their freshman friend. 

“What’s up?”

“Ms. Y/L/N and Mr. Parker are in her class right now eating lunch together! He bought her food!” She yells excitedly, the table gasps. 

“Seriously?!” Natasha exclaims. 

“Dead serious.”

“We’re gonna go spy on them, right?” Clint asks, licking the ketchup off his fingers and wiping his hands on his pants. 

“Hell yeah.”

They all snuck out of the lunchroom without getting caught and made their way to Ms. Y/L/N’s classroom. The door had a little rectangular window for them to see through, it wasn’t big enough for all of them but luckily Clint had special access to the school’s air ducts. 

Especially the one in Ms. Y/LN’s classroom. 

He unlocked his phone and FaceTimed Natasha and pointed the camera at the future couple. Outside of the classroom, the group crowded around Natasha and her phone. They all quieted down and watched the two awkwardest and nerdiest people in the world attempt to have a conversation without mentioning science and or Star Wars. 

Both of them failing miserably. 

They had somehow gotten into an incredibly deep conversation about Star Wars conspiracy theories. 

“Oh my god, these fucking nerds!” Tony whispers, the rest of the group agrees. 

“We gotta do something or they’re gonna spiral into a never ending conversation about Darth motherfucking Vader,” Steve says, Bucky nods agreeing with his hunky beefcake. 

“Yeah, someone text Barnes and tell him to do something about this…whatever this is,” Bucky says waving his hand for emphasis.

Tony quickly pulls out his phone, his thumbs running over the screen in a blur. A few seconds later, his eyes read a message on the screen. 

“He wrote, ‘On it ;)’.”

They all began to silently think of what Clint had in store for their two favorite teachers. 

In the air duct, Clint quietly pulled two small rocks from his pocket. He had been planning on throwing them at some kid who messed with him earlier but this was more important. 

The air duct he was hiding in was directly above Y/N’s desk but both her and Peter were facing away from him so this was the perfect opportunity. 

“So I wanted to ask you something and excuse me if it makes you uncomfortable, but…do your students say anything about us…you know– uh, liking each other?” Peter asks, Y/N almost chokes on her teriyaki chicken but hides it with a strong cough. 

“Ehh sometimes, why do you ask?” She lies straight through her teeth and hides her blush by looking down at her lap. 

“Well, because-uh they’re always telling me that you…have a crush on me, and that apparently it’s pretty obvious…” 

Her hands were now numb and she wanted to disintegrate into thin air. 

No shit, you fucking idiot,’ she thought. 

“Uhh well, I-I wouldn’t say obvious b-but, I mean-” she couldn’t think of anything to say and now she really wanted to die. 

Clint couldn’t watch his favorite teacher suffer anymore so he slowly and quietly opens the air duct by removing the detachable air grille. 

He throws the first rock at the door, the two teachers turn to the door thinking that someone had knocked. Y/N stands up to open the door, she looks through the little window but when she sees no one she turns back. 

Then, Clint throws the second rock right into Peter’s shirt causing him to stand up and spill chicken fried rice covered in soy sauce all down Y/N’s t-shirt. 

“Oh shit, fuck! I’m sorry!” He exclaimed trying to apologize. 

He grabbed a few napkins and tried to wipe off the soy sauce stains but only making it worse.

“No, i-it’s fine it-” 

“I’m so sorry, I-I didn’t mean-”

Both were too flustered to let one another finish their sentence. By now Peter wasn’t wiping anything except for her chest, it took a few seconds for both of them to notice exactly what he was touching. 

The blushing idiots finally decided to pull away from each other, and chuckle nervously at their current situation. 

“Come on, come on.” Natasha mumbles under her breath as her and the group continue to watch from her phone. 

Y/N and Peter were now pretending that the whole thing didn’t happen but the stain on Y/N’s light gray shirt said otherwise. Finally, the two of them mustered up enough confidence to actually say something intelligent. 

“Would you like to go out sometime?” They asked simultaneously. 

They both chuckle nervously, “I know it’s not the best time to ask, but…I-I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while and I just didn’t know if you…”

She smiles, “Well I do, and I’d love to go out with you.”

At that moment, the group started cheering completely forgetting that the hallway echoed. 

“Yes OTP!” Sam shouts, almost immediately slapping his hand over his mouth. 

“What the hell?” Y/N mumbles and walks over to the door, seeing their teachers walk toward them the entire group got up and hauled ass back to the lunchroom, the sound of shoes squeaking and stomping on the floor along with the loud swears coming from the teenagers themselves could be heard from inside the classroom. 

Clint watching them run on his phone cursed out loud, “Shit!” he said, his eyes widened. 

Both Peter and Y/N turned to the vent, “Wha-Clint!” Y/N yelled when she realized what was happening. 

There was no point in being quiet now, Clint shimmied down the vent before his teacher crawled in after him. 

Peter and Y/N stood there helpless. 

“I’m gonna kill them.”

“Meddling kids.”

Originally posted by daftprodigy

BONUS:

The next day when the matchmakers walked into Calculus, a class that Peter taught, they all sat next to each other. Being the only people in the school that knew that the two teachers that everyone has been shipping were finally together had its advantages. They’ve been trading test answers for gossip all morning. 

The school was bustling with the news. 

Y/N Y/L/N and Peter Parker were finally together. 

Even Principal Fury and Assistant Principal Hill were excited about it. 

When Peter sees them sitting innocently in their seats, he turns to them. 

“I don’t know whether to say thank you or goodbye, she was pretty angry.”

“Ah, she’ll get over it once you give her that good nerd loving,” Sam jokes, Peter blushes and a tries to hide a very noticeable smile.

“Ew dude, that’s our mom you’re talking about,” Tony says.

Clint perks up.

“Speaking of mom, we’re not calling you dad.”

.

.

.

A/N: I had way too much fun with this. This was mostly about the teen!Avengers, but honestly I live for that AU. 

• MESSAGE ME IF YOU WANT A PART TWO
27 Dress Code Violations

@jilychallenge 04/2017 | @bantasticbeasts vs @anxiouspotter

Muggle AUs | “i get dress coded so you give me your jacket and we protest unfair regulations for girls together/you sass the teacher about how distracted you are by my shoulders”

Word Count: 2500

special shoutout to @jiilys. solidarity, sister

AO3


i.

She walks into English fifteen minutes late, wearing both a deeply unflattering smock and a scowl. Neither are an especially new look on her.

“Vector,” she says under her breath, as an answer to Mary McDonald’s unspoken question. It’s the answer to every question in the room. Ms Vector is notorious among them all for her very strict adherence to the school’s dress code.

“Yes, Miss Evans’ entrance was very exciting, but I’ll have your attention back to the lesson now, please,” says Ms McGonagall. James snaps back to attention. It’s for the best.

ii.

“Here,” James says, shrugging off his jacket and thrusting it toward Lily. She gives him this look like, fuck off, and James has to bite his tongue to stop from aggravating her. “They’re doing uniform checks up the hall. Just put it on.”

Evans gives him a very strange look, and it takes him a second to realise that it’s neutral.

She looks good in his jacket.

iii. 

Every third dress code violation results in a lunch time detention. It’s only October, and Lily’s already had six. She doesn’t look at James as she takes the seat three ahead and one to the left of him.

iv.

There’s a thump from somewhere in the back of the classroom, and McGonagall isn’t planning on looking up - it sounds like it came from the general vicinity of Potter and Black, and that’s certainly not a situation she wants to engage with - but the entire class is already turned around to see what the fuss is.

She strides down the aisle between the desks, and is about three years past surprised to find James Potter lying on the floor, gazing at the ceiling, glasses knocked aside.

“Am I boring you so much that you decided to take a nap?” she asks, and James gives this wicked smile, and here we go–

“Sorry, Miss, I can’t get up. It’s Evans’ shoulders - they’re overwhelming me. I simply can’t do anything until she covers them up. Sirius, tell me when it’s safe.”

He’s a funny boy, she’ll give him that. “Potter, get up. This is hardly the time for foolishness.”

Keep reading

UH OH LOOKS LIKE WE’VE GOT A HYDRA FAN

andarthas-webreplied to your post:[Captain America (2011-2012) #1]“Got solid intel…

*facepalms* Painfully obvious none of you read the comics and are making snap judgements based on incomplete info. Also, you couldn’t tell a nazi from a fascist and a hero from a villain if your life depended on it….

Okay. Wow. I can’t believe we’re here. I’m savoring this moment hold on. Let me breathe it in. Let me just lap it up. I have to feel the grace of God come over me so I don’t school yo ass too hard. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay

Yup. First off, you…. commented on a screencap of me reading the comic. That I own. That I can take screencaps of. That is in my library. On Comixology. That I paid for. Since most of my library, y’know this one

pales in comparison to the one I’m used to having since I moved across the country and don’t have access to the accumulative collection of mine, my dad’s, and my sister’s. Y’know. The one that has comics dating back to first printings in the 60s. But whatever.

What do I have on Comixology at this point?

Oh right. 2634, most of which are trade collections. And that’s not counting the hundreds of issues I have in the archive because I’ve already used them on my comic book reference blog @renaramblesaboutcomics​. Y’know. Where I’m hosting my comic reviews and live reads I’ve been doing on tumblr since 2011.

But you’re riiiiiight. Maybe I don’t have the reference for Cap. Gosh darnit I’m just such a newb. What the fuck’s wrong with me, commenting on Cap comics I don’t know shit about.

Ohhhhhhhh right. I just own the whole fucking run you’re referring to. Right right. Not to mention I have read the Ultimate comics, the Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale Captain America: White, the Sam Wilson Cap comic before Spencer lost his goddamn mind, and a couple dozen more not to mention the Avengers comics I own, the Spider-Man guest appearances, the X-Men guest appearances, the guest appearances in Captain and Ms. Marvel books, and all those other comics that feature him.

My bad. Looks like you’re full of shit. And I’m an actual Cap Fan. Uh oh.

Looks like you’re in trouble.

But I have to close out with one more thing:

Okay I’ll stay away from the obvious answer which is that you…. apparently know that the National Socialist Movement in 1930s Germany was …. fascist. But that’s okay. (It’s actually not, it just shows you’re fucking ridiculous)

The thing is you’re accusing me of not being able to recognize either. So let me introduce you to someone I’m pretty sure knows Nazis when she sees them.

Hi. I’m Renaroo. I run this blog, also @renaramblesaboutcomics​. Along with being a lifetime comic book fan,the daughter of comic book fans, and the granddaughter of comic book fans, I’m something else that you would know if you wandered around my blog any:

I’m German-American. Specifically I’m only the second generation of Americans in my family. My family came over from post-Nazi Germany in 1950. Specifically I have to thank this little woman in the middle:

That’s my grandma. Actually she’s all of our Grandma – We’re now a family of Italian-German-Americans,l Mexican-Americans, Polish-German Americans, and (my sister and I) Appalachian-German-Americans.

My Grandma just turned 78 this year and in her lifetime she lived through, you guessed it, World War II and Nazi Germany. In fact, she lost her father in the war – my great-grandfather.

She was also as a young child mauled and attacked by an SS German police dog, which she has scars on her arms from. They’re next to the scars she got from her time as a welder in a metal shop in Akron, Ohio during the rubber boom, but that’s less relevant.

This 4′9″ woman has taught me many things over the years. She helped raise my sister and me. And some of things she, and my great-grandmother before she died at the age of 98, would talk to us about was living under a fascist dictatorship and how that place was called…

wait for it…

Nazi Germany.

So, yes. I know what Nazis are. I know what fascists are. If I didn’t, I could call up my comic book collecting dad who is also a history professor, and get him to explain it to us, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have to.

Why?

Because before slow roasting you over a fire, I guess I could’ve pointed out this. It’s sometimes hard to find so I don’t really blame you for not having read it yourself. I’m not an asshole comic book fan who lords that sort of thing over people

But here’s Captain America (1941-1950) #1:

[Captain America (1940-1941) #1]

Oh wow look it’’s Red Skull’s first appearance. What’s that he’s wearing on his chest? Why doesn’t he know he leads HYDRA? Not Nazis. That’s so weird I wonder what the two have in common…

P.S. @andarthas-web​, in case it’s not obviously apparent from the entirety of this post you enabled by trying smear shit on my original post: You’re a fucking idiot.

One foot in the grave

From the age of two Lance never stopped moving.
He would crawl through his house making it impossible to keep track of him.
However it was nothing compared to what he was like when he learned how to walk.
Soon as he could stand on his own two feet he was gone.
He would run through the garden chasing birds.
He would run to his classes in school.
He would run to the store.
He would run across the road.
Without looking both ways.
He would run straight into the path of a truck.
While he was lying in the hospital bed with his legs shattered all the doctors would tell him was how lucky he was to be alive.
For a while Lance thought that his luck would also save his legs.
But it wasn’t to be.
The doctors did all they could, using pins to try and fuse the bones back together.
However after only two days infection had set in and they had no choice but to amputate the first leg.
The second came a week later after it became clear that the bone just wasn’t fusing back together.
For months Lance was trapped in a chair, healing and waiting.
He never cried though. If he cried then his mama would cry.
Lance wouldn’t have his mama crying because of him.
When he finally got prosthetics it wasn’t what he had been hoping for.
It was a long painful process full of disappointment and failure before he could walk again.
And an even longer time before he could run again.
However Lance was determined and never gave up.
By time he moved to a new high school no one could tell he was missing both legs.

Lance was walking home from class grumbling to himself. He was pretty annoyed that his best friend Hunk had decided that he would prefer to hang out with Pidge then him.
Well not decided more like had to do he wouldn’t fail the project they were working on.
But Lance felt like being petty.
It had been raining that day, the humidity made his stumps painful which made him irritated.
To make things worse he had no choice but to walk home in the rain since his car had gone and died on him that morning.
Lance was so busy wallowing in self pity that he didn’t even notice he was about to walk into someone.
He managed to walk straight into a figure huddled inside their jacket causing the two of them to fall to the ground with a thud.
“What the hell man!” Lance yelled before stopping when he realised who he had just walked into.
Keith glared at him the rain plastering his dark hair to his face “not my fault! You walked into me!”
“Yeah well your still a jerk! You park in the handicapped space yesterday at the mall!” Lance yelled pointing at him accusingly.
“Why the hell do you care where I park! It was like 4am and it wasn’t like anyone needed it!” Keith snapped getting to his feet and trying to brush some of the water away.
“You didn’t kno-” Lance had tried to stand but when he was halfway up a cracking sound echoed around the empty campus and he went flying forwards right into Keith who caught him out of pure instinct.
Keith’s anger quickly turned to concern and nausea at the sight of the unnatural angle the lower half of Lance’s leg was now bent.
“Oh my god! Shit I’ll call an ambulance!” Keith stuttered as he carefully lowered Lance to the floor and looked for his phone only to find it cracked and unresponsive.
“D-don’t worry I’ll erm I’ll… why are you laughing?”
Lance was laughing hard as he watched Keith’s panicked actions.
“Relax dude I’m fine. See” he grabbed his foot and pulled making Keith have to fight the urge to throw up as it came away in his hand.
“See just plastic.”
Keith’s eyes widened at the sight of the prosthetic. He had no idea that Lance, the over confident narcissistic pretty boy was a amputee.
Suddenly him getting upset about Keith taking the handicapped spot makes much more sense.
“Shit… I’m sorry.”
Lance shrugged, “nah you were right it wasn’t your fault. But erm if your still riding the guilt train I could use a ride? I mean if you don’t mind.” He looked away blushing and Keith couldn’t help but smile.
“Yeah sure.”
He didn’t wait for permission, instead he simply scooped Lance up princess style and walked him to his car, a small beat up red thing that could almost pass for home made with all the repairs done to it.
“H-hey I don’t need carrying!” Lance’s blush deepened as he wrapped his arms around Keith’s neck for stability only. Or at least that’s what he told himself.
“It’s quicker then you just hopping along.” Keith shrugged as he deposited Lance in the passenger seat and took his place behind the wheel.
“Still dude. It’s humiliating. Bad enough you know about my legs.”
Keith rose and eyebrow as he pulled out of the parking lot. “I only knew about one of them.”
“Fuck…” Lance hissed under his breath.
Keith couldn’t help but chuckle quietly at that.
“Man I really am an idiot, can you keep this between us… it’s just I’d prefer everyone not to know.”
Lance sounded so small and vulnerable in that moment that Keith glanced over to check that it really was the same obnoxious guy he knew from school.
“Look I promise I won’t tell anyone… but maybe you should.”
“What would you know about this?” Lance huffed crossing his arms.
“More then you would expect, my brother Shiro lost his arm and he was suffering in silence for a long time. I just don’t want you to do the same.”
Keith glanced over at Lance to see him looking very embarrassed.
Keith’s eyes widened “b-by that I mean anyone in your situation not j-just you specifically!” He rambled on quickly.
Lance laughed that strong joy filled laugh of his That always seems to light up the room. “It’s cool man. I knew what you meant.”
They pulled up outside Lance’s home and Keith offered his shoulder for support this time rarther then carrying him in.
After ringing the bell and waiting on the door step Lance looked up at Keith. “Hey Keith.”
“Yeah Lance?”
“Thanks.”
Lance kissed him on the cheek just as the door opened and Lance launched himself on his older brother closing the door behind him.
Leaving a very confused, very wet but also very very VERY happy Keith standing outside.

Out of the Blue 03

Rated: M

Warnings: Explicit vulgar hybrid smut, knotting, dirty talk.

Summary: Jungkook has only ever thought of his breeding clients as just that - clients, and he’s always quite indifferent to them since he only ever knows them for a short period of time. But then you come along, and he starts experiencing feelings that aren’t being manipulated by your heat. Real feelings, that he has never harbored before with anyone else.

Notes: finally part 3 is here!! this one was really tricky. i edited it so much in terms of adding parts, then turning around and taking them back out and just completely removing an entire scene and replacing it with something that flowed better. ugh. i have mixed feelings on this, but it is what it is lmfao i mean all it is is smut so i guess it really doesnt matter. enjoys babes <3

Words: 6.3k

01 | 02 | 03


It was odd, Namjoon thought, at how comfortable you and Jungkook seemed to be around each other, having only known each other for a little over a day. He couldn’t even begin wrap his head around the way ‘natural instincts’ and 'pheromones’ worked between you two, but then again, he was merely just a human. Last night was weird and he couldn’t exactly say he liked it, as he slept alone again for the first time in a very long while, having to keep himself warm without you there being his little heater. 

The first night here was hard, but there was something about last night that was almost unbearable. 

He got little sleep because he couldn’t stop thinking about you, and how you were dealing with sleeping without him these past two nights since you had never done so before, but then he realized you were probably perfectly fine - curled up beside Jungkook, sleeping peacefully with the other’s arms tightly around you. His arms were probably so tight because he was probably afraid someone would try to take you away from him in the middle of the night while you two slept.

Well, that was if you even got any sleep, did your fevers subside long enough for you to get some shut-eye? Or were you two at it all night?

Namjoon shook his head in mild disgust, trying to clear his mind of the unwanted images that started popping up and he looked out of the window, down at the pool where you and Jungkook were playing in the water together. He watched on, a strange sort of jealousy planted in his chest. Could he really not even get one moment alone with you? He just didn’t quite know how to cope with that - didn’t understand how Jungkook could be that possessive.

But again, he was just a human. How could he possibly understand?

Keep reading

my what a guy, gaston!

okay so i know i already did one of these for beauty and the beast (for fuck’s sake shana write about some new fairytales why are you like this) but i listened to sam tsui’s cover of a tale as old as time and OH BOY, OH MY HONEY OH MY DARLING

okay, so in the very early stages of the original beauty and the beast, gaston was an aristocrat. that eventually got scrapped, but oh what if it didn’t

so say gaston is the son of someone very high up in the royalty chain, someone who’s parents are important enough that he spends an awful lot of time at the castle? and our prince adam isn’t really down with this whole ~being a prince~ thing, he’s a brat, like so many other kids are brats (but these kids don’t get turned into beasts by random witches, like i’m sorry but i’ll never not think that beast didn’t get the short end of the stick there) and so he spends the least about of time possible parading about with a crown on his head. he likes going outside, like riding his horses and playing in the woods, and all sorts of other things that make his parents shake their heads and despair at the inability to have another child, because their son is a small disaster.

and here comes gaston, who’s older and more long suffering. gaston in naturally dramatic, okay, he likes being flashy and fun and loud, all the things the son of a noble shouldn’t be. so by the point he meets adam he’s listened to his parents, folded himself up nice and tight into this quiet boy who just doesn’t want any trouble. adam loves trouble. if he can’t find it, he invents it.

so he grabs onto gaston like glue, and gaston is irritated, but he’s the prince, he can’t say anything or his parents will kill him. so he lets adam keep dragging him out horseback riding and hunting and rock climbing and all sorts of things little noble boys aren’t supposed to do. they spare, and no matter that gaston is bigger and older he never wins, adam always ends up pinning him to the ground with his arm to his throat and he’d more irritated about it if the prince didn’t look so delighted every time he won. adam loves all the animals that he’s not interested in eating, and gaston tries to point out that it’s a little weird how thrilled adam is to take down a deer when two minute later he’s trying to entice a wolf to come closer so he can pet it, and also holy shit adam that’s a wolf what’s wrong with you

adam loves his staff, the people who do their best to reign in this little terror but don’t try that hard, because the thing about bratty kids is that they’re rarely brats all the time, as an adult you swing between wanting to strangle them and finding them so adorable and charming your chest hurts. so mrs. potts indulges him, likes the way he’s only ever really patient while he’s playing with her son chip when he’s snuck into the kitchen to beg her for some extra cookies. lumiere and cogsworth are his tutors and spend more time arguing with each other than teaching him, and he’s delighted by that.

and so adam is this loud, exuberant little prince who slowly but surely picks at gaston’s barrier until gaston almost feels like himself again, and adam doesn’t do what his parents did. adam doesn’t make fun of him for how much he cares about his hair, about how he hates dirt under his fingernails. as long as gaston keeps following him into dangerous situations, adam doesn’t care about much of anything, and gaston loves him for it.

and gaston’s on the cusp of teenagerhood when he realizes he loves adam, the prince, this is awful and he immediately has a panic attack over it, he’s to be lord and adam is to be king, it will never work, oh, and adam probably doesn’t like boys, and – oh my god, all those schoolyard taunts about him being gay we’re right this is a nightmare.

he’d freak out about this properly and probably go charging to the castle to confess his love in true embarrassing 12 year old fashion – except his parents set him down, pale, and say, “they’re gone, they’re all gone, the king and queen were found dead and the prince is gone and now a monster lives in the castle.” and of course gaston takes this to the most logical conclusion – a beast broke into the castle, killed the love of his young life, and now he’s claimed the castle for his own.

this is gaston’s defining moment okay, this is the point where he snaps and never goes back. he rebels against his parents, refuses to fit himself back into the mold of the perfect son, tries to live his life like adam would have wanted him to. that means being exactly who he is and damn the consequences. he focuses on his hair and his clothes and his looks, he pursues hunting because it reminds him of adam, because so much of their friendship took place in the woods, covered in mud and laughing. he pursues hunting because, one day, when he’s the very best he’s going to go the castle and kill the beast that killed adam. and his parents are furious about all of this and they disown him in favor of his young siblings and he just. doesn’t give a shit.

so he moves to the town, and everyone loves him, of course they love him. he’s loud and arrogant, but – he’s not cruel. he’s beautiful and brings in more pelts and meat than any other hunter and gaston doesn’t miss the days of being a young lordling in the slightest. but girls keep throwing themselves at him and he doesn’t know how to keep refusing either outing himself or hurting their feelings, so he goes to belle. belle, who is every inch as pretty he is. belle, who is smart and quiet and kind in a reserved sort of way. if there’s anyone who won’t judge him, it’s her.

so he goes to her, and tells her the truth – that he only likes men, that he’s not interested in advertising the fact, and asks her to pretend to be his lady. and belle, kind sweet belle, agrees. she does it out of sense of duty to help those in need, because nothing she knows of gaston says she will enjoy this. but she’s proven wrong, because gaston was raised to be a lord of course he’s educated, just because he doesn’t really care about any of that stuff doesn’t mean he doesn’t know it. and belle can speak with him like she can no other, because gaston has more formal education than anyone else in this village. and to their surprise, gaston and belle become friends, become the closest of friends, and gaston hasn’t known this closeness since adam, although it’s different because he loves belle but he’s not in love with belle.

and one day belle and her father are out traveling and sudden snowstorm forces them into the castle. belle knows there’s some sort of monster that supposedly lives there, but it’s either the castle for refuge or dying of cold outside, so into the castle they go. and instead of a hideous monster there’s adam, the beast. he’s rude and gruff and calls them twelve kinds of idiots for getting caught in a snowstorm in the first place. he offers them a room before sulking back into his study, watching the last petal threaten to the fall from the rose.

the castle is so excited to have guests, to have a young girl that may be their saving grace, and beast doesn’t know how to tell them that he likes girls well enough, but the only person he’s ever loved is a prickly, stuffy little boy who used to wring his hands together whenever they went looking for wolves. the storm doesn’t abate, and belle and her father stay. beast likes belle, likes how much she loves his library and the courteous way she speaks to all his staff even tho they’re all furniture, and he wishes he could love her, she is a woman that deserves to be loved. but he can’t.

back in the village, gaston has had it. the beast took adam from him, and he wont allow that thing to take belle. he rallies the villagers and goes marching to the castle, determined to save belle and her father, determined to kill the thing that killed adam.

so they storm the castle and he and the beast fight. belle and her father rush forward to stop the rest of the angry village men, and belle is screaming at gaston to stop, that things aren’t as they seem. but he’s mad with bloodlust, with revenge, and he’s about to take the beast’s head off with his axe when the beast lunges and pushes him to the ground, pinning him with an arm to his throat. and the muscle memory is so sudden and visceral that gaston freezes and stares at the snarling beast and whispers, “adam?”

and the beast blinks, and pulls back a little, and goes …… “gaston!?”

literally everyone is so confused, but they only get more confused when gaston throws himself at the beast and there’s a rush of magic as the last petal falls and the spell is broken. gaston sees beast for who he really is, loves him wholly and completely in the way only children can, and the curse is broken.

so gaston goes from having the beast in his arms to having a man, and he kisses him, outing himself in front of the whole village and not caring in the slightest. “i’ve missed you,” adam says, reaching out a hand to cup gaston’s cheek.

his staff are people again, and the cloud of darkness that had fallen over the castle is lifted. the old and irritable third cousin twice removed who’d been running the country is more than happy to hand it back over to adam, so happy in fact that he doesn’t question anything about this incredibly weird situation.

gaston and adam were children with a children’s love, but as adam gets his castle and kingdom up and running again, gaston is there. and their love deepens, and strengthens, and becomes something much more real and true than it ever was before. and gaston knows he can’t keep this, that adam will need to take a queen and gaston won’t be able to be with him after that.

except no one told adam that, because he goes to belle who just, never left the castle because she likes it and it likes her and her two favorite people are here. and also they’ll pry her from that library over her dead body. “hey,” adam says, “so, i’m kind of the king now.”

“i noticed,” belle answers, and doesn’t look up from her book.

adam considers closing it, but also considers that he likes his hands attached to his wrists. “want to get married? we’ll need to produce an heir or two, but beyond that you’ll get all the books you want and a whole country to boss around.” one of the things adam had quickly learned was that belle loved bossing people around.

belle doesn’t look up from her book. he hadn’t honestly expected her too. “okay. I’m dating plumette. im going to keep doing that.”

“nice,” he says, because plumette is a lot prettier now that she isn’t a feather duster.

so adam find gaston and tells him that he’s marrying belle, and gaston’s whole heart breaks but it makes sense, adam and belle make sense together, and he wishes he could make himself hate either of them but he can’t because he loves them both. but then adam is talking about how belle will have the rooms next to theirs, and gaston should probably stop paying rent for his house in the village, he lives in a literal palace, come on now.

and gaston figures out that adam is planning to stay with him, that belle is his wife and queen in name only and and gaston will continue to be the one in his heart and in his bed. adam is talking about how they all really need to sit down and do something about the redistribution of tax revenue, and they should probably do it before the wedding because otherwise their subjects will only show up to throw fruit at them. gaston cuts him off by pressing his king and love of his life against the wall and kissing him breathless.

cogsworth and lumiere walk by and pause mid-argument to wolf whistle at them before continuing on their way. gaston and adam end up having to hold each other up as they laugh so hard they can’t breath.

and everyone lives happily ever after.


read more of my retold fairytales here

If Attack on Titan was in the style of “The Office”

Eren: *gets to work two hours before everyone else*

“HAHA those cowards. If they were real soldiers then they would be here early like me!” 

*falls asleep*

*wakes up as everyone is going home and realizes he slept through the entire work day* 

“DAMMIT!” 

*explains to Mikasa and Armin that it was the fault of the titans” 

Mikasa: *glares angrily at Eren flirting with Levi*

“There’s no one here that I hate. However, if a certain individual in the survey corps were to suddenly catch fire and I was the only one who had a bucket of water…I’d drink the water.” 

*smiles evilly at Levi* 

Armin: *chaos erupting behind him*

“In my opinion, do I think I am smarter than everyone else?”

 *turns around to see everyone being dumb and building on fire*

“I would say it’s more of a fact.”

Jean: *staring at Marco* 

“Who do I think is the hottest in the trainee corps?”

 *shot of Marco doing something so unbelievably adorable and Jean blushing* 

“Yeah…I’d have to say me.” 

Marco: *smiling into the camera looking all cute*

“I know I said I’d wait till marriage but Jean told me that God can’t see in the dark.”

 *blushes*

Reiner: *looking at Connie doing something stupid*

“Connie is the Survey Corps idiot. No one really knows how he is still alive.”

Bert: *looks anxiously into the camera*

“So umm….do you guys like….always record us…..even when we are having private conversations?” 

*shot of Bert and Reiner and Annie talking about being Titans* 

“Because ummm…..if you do…..that’s not cool bro.” 

Annie: *rolling her eyes*

“Look I’m here for two reasons and two reasons only. One, to get me a piece of that blonde booty over there 

*shot of Armin holding back Eren from punching Jean* 

and two, to murder everyone in their sleep.”

Sasha: *looking blankly into the camera and smiling*

“Every once in a while they make me murder a giant naked person. At first I was opposed to it but then I started noticing that every time I kill one they feed me. So here I am.”

Connie: *wearing a pink toupee* 

“Reiner said pink really brings out my eyes” 

*Reiner laughing his ass off in the back* 

“I think he’s right cause everyone in the trainee corps won’t stop staring at me.”

*everyone in the back rolling on the floor crying of laughter* 

Erwin: *on the topic of Levi*

“I’m not really sure what Levi does around here. He kind of just showed up and started killing Titans. I remember that day very clearly because my eyebrows were the fleekiest they have ever been. Did I say that right? Fleekiest? Fleeky? Fleek? I’m not sure, I heard a child say it once so I thought I’d sprinkle it into my vocabulary to make me sound hipper.” 

Levi: *sleeping in a chair* *talking in his sleep*

“Yeah……oh yeah….you’re so dirty. You’re a dirty little cabinet aren’t you?” 

*wakes up and sees camera* 

“Do you really have to record me while I sleep? Don’t you guys ever have to take a shit?” 

Hanji: *takes off her glasses* 

“Oh these things? They’re fake. I wear them to make myself look smarter. They actually impair my vision quite severely. But you have to pick and choose your battles, am I right?” 

*points finger guns at camera and winks* 

Moblit: *Hanji causes a science experiment to explode causing Moblit to lose his eyebrows*

“Honestly, at this point, I’m not even mad at her. I’m just mad at myself.”

Squad Levi: *Gunther, Eld, and Oluo wrapping each other in scotch tape* *Petra shaking her head in disapproval*

Petra- “I used to partake in their shenanigans until one day I realized I wasn’t 6 years old.” 


(I wish I could draw these but I cannot draw) *cries* 

La Dolce Vita.

Genre: Smut. And some fluff too. 

Summary: When your best friend decides to screw you over with the werewolf boy you absolutely hate during your heat~ 

Pairing: Reader [Werewolf AU!] x Jeon fucking Jungkook [Werewolf AU!]

Word Count: 6.9k-ish

Dedicated to my sweet strawberry jelly, @nomoreghostie-anon, Happy Birthday, sunshine!! I hope you like this trash writing of mine ahahah :) 

Also tagging @writeiolite who read this like a billion months ago and loved it, your encouragement always makes me beyond happy!!

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

“Unnie,” you whined, tugging on the end of Jiyoon’s dress, “Don’t go!”

Your heat was supposed to start in a few days and initially you had planned to chain yourself in your room and let her take care of you through it. However her unexpected business trip ruined all your plans. She sighed, turning around to look at you in a mix of understanding and seriousness as she sat you by the edge of the bed.

“Look, ___ I don’t have a choice. If I don’t attend this meeting, they’ll fire me.” She groaned, rubbing the sides of your arm, “But it’ll be okay, you’ve been through this before.”

“Yeah, but I had a boyfriend to help me out then,” you whined, looking at her with pleading eyes. “This is the first time I’ll have to go through it alone.”

“Well, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” your eyebrows quirked up at her words and you looked at her in curiosity, urging her to go on. “Look, there are other werewolves in my boyfriend’s pack, you know they can help you.”

You groaned in annoyance, knowing full well about Hoseok’s pack and the members, not forgetting to mention their weird habits, but there was no way you were going to let any of them get close to you, especially not Jungkook. Not when you were in heat.

Keep reading

If you had told Dex even a week ago that he would willingly be sharing a blanket with Derek Nurse on the floor of the Haus living room all afternoon, pressed together so close they’re practically in each other’s laps, he would’ve laughed in your face.

Now, he just bangs a fist against the side of the old space heater in front of them and subtly pulls Nursey a little closer into his side. Not that there’s all that much closer to pull him.

“I told them,” he mutters. “Draft fucking central.”

He not so much sees as senses Nursey roll his eyes. “Rans and Holtzy not letting you replace all the windowpanes last year is not why the heating went out, yo.”

Intellectually, Dex know this. But it’s easier to blame their former captains for their current predicament than it is to blame the fact that he’s let routine Haus maintenance slide so much this semester that they’ve ended up here. Because if Dex doesn’t keep a close eye on things like the barely functioning water heater, or the garbage disposal that’s missing two blades and is about to fall out of the sink entirely, who will?

Except, well, he’s been distracted this year. From the moment he got back from summer break and moved into the attic with Nursey, he’s been… distracted.

Nursey is distracting.

Keep reading

firstly, feel free to request more french masterposts. 
flirting in french; god, how i would love to be smooth in any language.
seriously, if i could neal caffrey my way through france, that would be great. so, this is a masterpost on how to flirt in french. - i’d like to think this is pretty important - as this is part of socializing in any language. flirtation is a very different thing than “picking up.” picking up is a kind of hunting game with a very pointed and invariable goal: to be making out as soon as possible! think barney from how i met your mother challenge accepted. flirtation, at least in france, is a totally different thing. it’s a different culture, a different lifestyle. it’s a way of being in everyday life, and unlike picking up, it has no defined goal. sometimes the french flirt because it’s just delightful to do so. think salt to pepper relationship. allowing each one to check, and at different levels, if he or she still has some charm operating. 

i would say that simple is always best: merely walk up to your chosen girl or guy and say je vous trouve absolument charmante (I find you absolutely charming / beautiful. be classy and to the point. with that and mind, read on!

let’s learn some classic phrases to become a regular femme fatale, shall we?

so; why flirt in french?

  • well, french is a sexy language. not going to lie. 
  • it’s the planet’s most-hyped language of love.
  • reaching that level of fluency feels amazing.
  • it gives you that confidence. social confidence.
  • becoming a smooth talker feels nice. i want to be one, anyway. 
  • tired of searching for love in english? 

french learning and french flirting 

  • let’s face it: in france, (or in any country for that matter), nobody speaks like a textbook, the president, or a language learning site (i’m looking at you, duolingo). it’s great for memorizing the fundamentals, but lacks that extra step that stands between you and complete fluency. 
  • flirting is part of socializing - and linguistically (i don’t know, it helped with me) it improves retention. it’s also just interesting to learn! 
  • flirting is just well.. fun. even if it doesn’t go anywhere.
  • a bit of verbal charm isn’t always necessary : but in my opinion, it helps you sound more natural / at ease / friendly. 
  • i somewhat lack verbal charm (i’m very, very awkward in social situations) so i probably need this masterpost as much as anyone else (: 

the classics: make love last. 
this is based upon what i’ve heard at school / restaurants / bars. 
okay fine: it’s based on the movies i’ve watched too. 

  • j’ai envie de t’embrasser / embrasse-moi - kiss me.. annouce it - make your intentions known! i’d like to kiss you’ - okay, you could just kiss someone instead of letting them know. but i don’t know.. there’s something romantic about it? best with a longing, meaningful stare. 
  • je t’aime: i’m pretty sure we all know this one. best with someone you care deeply for, i wouldn’t say this on a first date - but if you’re the direct type : this can help you get from a to z pretty quickly. 

the simple compliments: short and sweet
using these with a flirty look / tone of voice (as i’ve seen amongst my friends) can do wonders. play with your expression while practicing these: it makes a difference, trust me. you can begin with (oh putain) to make it sound authentic. it’s not (really) a ‘swear word’ and people use it often. best used in an informal setting. example: putain, t’es toujours canon toi ou quoi?

you can also add trop ( = too). example: trop belle, trop mignon(ne).
you can also add tellement ( = so) example: t’es tellement belle!
you can also add si ( = so) example: t’es si mignonne.
you can also use grave ( = totally) example: t’es grave belle. 

  • t’es mignon(ne).
  • t’es belle (/beau), toi. 
  • t’es canon. ( = you’re smoking hot). 
  • t’es con(ne). ( = you’re an idiot) - i’ve seen this used a lot flirtatiously.
  • t’es drôle. ( = you’re funny)
  • t’es magnifique. 
  • t’es charmant(e). 
  • t'es coquin / coquine! ( = you’re such a tease.)

the ‘social and the flirty’ 
inspired by my class facebook chat and group. some of them are direct quotes (:
these can be used as compliments / or flirtatiously. depends on your relationship with the person you’re giving them to. 

  • cette beauté chaton, tu m’ éblouie. ( = you dazzle me with your beauty.)
  • une beauté divine. ( = a divine beauty or: you’re so divine.)
  • ouloulouloulouloulou. ( = you really have to hear this one.)
  • tu brilles de mille feux.
  • j'te pécho. ( = like the equivalent of ‘to pick up someone’ in english). 
  • bg, or beau / belle gosse ( = hot guy, hot girl). 
  • une petite merveille. ( = a wonder, someone to be marveled at). 
  • une bombe. ( = bombshell, someone pretty - same thing as ‘belle gosse’.)
  • le petit côté mystérieux femme fatale je kiffe. - je kiffe means i like. 
  • la beauté à l état pur ( = beauty at its purest form). 
  • dingue! ( = crazy, as in crazy beautiful). 
  • j'ai pas les mots.( = i have no words). 
  • wahhh, la classe! ( = classy!)
  • c’est fou, tant de beauté ( = you’re so beautiful, it’s crazy.)

flirting at a bar or restaurant? 

  • t’as d’beaux yeux, tu sais? the phrase ‘you’ve got beautiful eyes’ pretty much works in any language (though, i think it sounds extra gorgeous in french). the phrase actually comes from a french film called le quai des brumes. fair warning: this is an extreme cliché, : it’s basically the english equivalent of do you come here often? it can be said ironically, if you’re not the cliché type. best with a wink and a devilish smile (; 
  • je peux t’offrir / vous (formal) une verre ? : can i buy you a drink?
  • vous êtes célibataire ? mais comment est-ce possible ? - you’re single? but how’s that possible? 
  • vous venez souvent ici ? - do you come here often? ha, classic.  a phrase that transcends cultural barriers: “ the sentence could be followed up by complaints — about the bartender, about the clients or about how the bar isn’t as good as it used to be. a french tradition is râler, a sort of complaining. finding things to complain about is a way that many french people choose to bond with new acquaintances. this is not true of anyone.
  • t’as une miette (you’ve got a crumb) as you pretend to stroke something off of someone’s face, first with your fingers, then with your lips.
  • tu m’excites ! ( = you turn me on.)
  • “j’ai une première édition de ‘à la recherche du temps perdu.’ tu veux le voir ?” -  i have the first edition of “in search of lost time. (written by proust). do you want to see it?” in france (for me, at least) cultural knowledge is sexy. in America, we often ask if you’d like a nightcap. choose something cultural and intellectual in france, and you’re far more likely to get a oui.
  • je veux te revoir. ( = i want to see you again.) 
  • alors, ça roule? ( = how you doin’ - joey, friends.)
  • excuse-moi. est-ce que t’embrasses les inconnus ? non ? donc, je me présente. excuse me, do you kiss strangers? No? then let me introduce myself.
  • excuse-moi, j'ai perdu mon numero de téléphone. est-ce que je peux t'emprunter le tien?“ excuse me, i seem to have lost my phone number. could I borrow yours? 

let me know if you’d like to know more! you can never be too charming (:

In Reverse.

Just an idea that i have in mind. 

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Ao3: Click me to read. 


Lance had many hidden talents. He could sing, he could play the guitar, and was the only one in his family that could rival his mother cooking. 

And, to everyone’s surprise, he was really good at flirting. Yes, he liked to joke around and tell girls stupid pick-up-lines, but he knew none of the things he said were going to get him somewhere with them. To be honest, it was only a game for him. 

His stupid flirting always got people to laugh, to relax, which was his main goal. 

But his actual flirting? Well, it always got him whatever he wanted.

Do you want to get into a place for free? Just bat your eyes and giggle a little. If you can, show a bit of skin. Do you need a favor? Call the person pretty names, hug them. Be a little more touchy, but still keep a distance. You don’t want them to think they can touch you whenever they want. Do you need money or need to buy something? Well, you need to work more for that one. Be nice, have little details with them. Hug them, hold their hand. Let them know that you care and you want something more than just a friendship even when you don’t. Be subtle, act naive and just drop hints that you want or need things. If you have them well wrapped around your finger, they will get anything that you ask for just to make you happy. Don’t forget to give them a few kisses, you need to keep them interested! If they start asking for more just leave them immediately.

To be honest, Lance was not… Truly proud of this talent. He didn’t like playing with other people’s feelings, but he did what he had to do to help his family. They didn’t have much money, and his mother and father struggled a lot to make sure they could attend to school and had something to eat everyday. 

His flirtation was something he did to have fun once in a while, but after he realised how much he was getting from it he started taking advantage. At first they were simply stuff. Being able to go to places without spending a penny was good. He could still have fun without wasting his parents money on unnecessary things.

But then he started meeting new people. And these persons he met were wealthy as fuck. And Lance use this on his favor… He befriend them, he started flirting, and then manipulated into paying his family debts. Of course, for them it was nothing. Just more money to throw away in order to impress Lance and get on his good side. 

For him? It meant everything when the bills arrived and saw the relief and confusion on his parents faces.

He stopped doing when he thought it was enough and spent the rest of his days studying to get a full scholarship on the Garrison to try to fufill his dream of becoming a pilot to travel the universe. 

Of course, he never expected going so soon and becoming a part of as important as Voltron. To be honest, Lance felt really out of place. All of his teammates had amazing skills and great things to offer. Him? He didn’t have much, really. His talents weren’t a thing people usually looked for in a warrior.

Yes, he was smart ans was getting so much better in battle. But he didn’t have anything especial. 

They took Zarkon down. They didn’t kill him, but he was to hurt to keep fighting. Everyone saw this as an opportunity to take the Galra Empire down now once and for all thinking that now they didn’t have a ruler it was going to be much easier. 

Needless to say, they were wrong. 

A new ruler arrived. His name? Lotor. An old friend of princess Allura. He asked for an audience with her. She accepted, claiming that she once knew him and that he deserved the benefit of the doubt. 

They introduced themselves to the prince after he greeted Allura. They took their helmets off. Lance didn’t fail to notice the look Lotor was giving him. 

Lotor was… Different. For the way he talked, everyone could see Lotor wasn’t too comfortable with following his father’s wishes, but was too loyal to go agaisnt him. 

The prince, unlike his father, had feelings.

Voltron and Allura talked with the prince for hours. Once they realised they wouldn’t conviced Lotor to give up the fight, Allura changed the topic to more personal matters. Even when he was an enemy, he used to be her friend and was the only one apart from Coran and Zarkon who was left from her time. 

Lance stared at the prince, shared some coy smiles and exchange a few words. When they changed from room, he put himself besides him and touch his shoulder after telling a joke. 

Some laughed, some rolled their eyes. 

Maybe he wasn’t as skillful as his friends, but Lance wasn’t an idiot either. If there was something Lance knew how to do, it was playing with people’s feelings.

The prince blushed, and he called it a victory.



I asked myself many times, “what if instead of Lotor manipulating Lance feelings, it was Lance who did the manipulating?”  and this came out. i may write more if people like this ???? and leave comments ???? idk love you all ♥