oh god i leave in a week

domestic zimbits
  • Netflix or Chill
  • “Did you clear my browser history?” “…no?”
  • drinking from the carton
  • “I can’t find my toothbrush, I used yours.”
  • leaving something rotting in the fridge for weeks just to see who will break and throw it away first 
  • “Does this smell clean?”
  • snoring / sleep talking
  • eating all of something and lying about it even though there is literally no one else who could have done it 
  • assorted bathroom situations: clipping toenails, cleaning your ears, zits/pimples, picking your nose, etc.
  • accidentally injuring your partner and apologizing every five minutes for the next month
  • passive-aggressively not washing each other’s dishes 
  • “Hey, you smell that?” “No? What – Oh, my god!”
  • eating in bed going from acceptable to unacceptable overnight 
Last Minute Halloween Costumes

~The Robot~

Procure tinfoil. Lots of tinfoil. Enough tinfoil to make the clerk nervous without being able to put their finger on why. Find a wire hanger. Maybe borrow it from your dad? Get a box for your head. Wrap the tinfoil around your new head box and your current body. Draw empty, sad eyes and an unsettling mouth on your new robot head. Put it on. Oh god, we forgot to give you eye holes. It’s too late, it’s already time to leave. We’re so sorry. More robot costume ideas here

~The Werewolf~

Gather some loose hair into a pile, as you would a salad. Next, cover yourself in glue—something stronger than craft glue but weaker than industrial strength bonding. Place your body in the hair salad, then roll around to evenly coat yourself with trimmings. Prepare an explanation for your continued hairiness during the week following Halloween, like “Leave me alone” or “I’m sorry.” More werewolf costume ideas here.

~The Ghost~

To walk with the dead you’ll need a yard of ghost skin and a clean, flat surface to work on. First, use a marker to trace an outline where you intend to pierce the veil between this life and the next. Then, using your scalpel, delicately carve away the excess ghost. Discard your belongings before climbing into the ghost. Remember: You take nothing with you to the afterlife. More ghost costume ideas here

  • Arthur: Merlin is the literal worse manservant ever. He is an absolute idiot. He never listens. I don't need him at all. He is completely useless. I don't care if he lives or dies.
  • Also Arthur: WHERE IS MERLIN AND WHY ISN'T HE HERE TO DO HIS CHORES?! NO, I DON'T WANT ANY OF THOSE OTHER SERVANTS I WANT MERLIN. I WANT MERLIN RIGHT NOW. WHERE IS- OH MY GODS WHAT IF HE'S HURT. WHAT IF HE'S DYING. WHAT IF HE'S- NO, NO, NO. STOP EVERYTHING. IT'S ONLY BEEN 2 HOURS BUT WHAT IF HE'S HURT. QUICK GATHER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY BEST MEN AND I, THE KING, AM LEAVING ON A POSSIBLY WEEKS LONG QUEST TO FIND MERLIN AND BRING HIM BACK. I DON'T CARE IF I DON'T HAVE PANTS ON, GET ME MY HORSE!

anonymous asked:

I work in a small restaurant. Besides myself, the only other server is a trans girl (P) who is always nice and gives good service. Last week we had a lady come in for dinner As soon as P went to hand them menus and water this woman starts screaming 'oh god, it's a tr*nny! How dare this MAN think he can just come over here!' Etc. P just started to cry and I brought her out back while the cook told this woman to leave or he'll call the cops. It took forever to calm P down but she was so brave

Oh my god so I’ve been watching W1A (a British comedy) and it’s got Hugh Skinner in it, the guy who played Joly in 2012 Les Mis. He’s an intern who was supposed to only be there for 8 weeks but ended up sticking around for 11 months because no one told him to leave so he just rolled with it and honestly that is exactly something Joly would do

  • what she says: im fine
  • what she means: Why, in the fifth season of Parks and Recreation, did Leslie have to go to so much trouble to get a park designed for the Pawnee Commons? An entire episode was devoted to her reluctance to hire a designer with an impressive resume from nearby Eagleton because of her negative experiences with the more affluent Eagletonians. However, in season two, episode 24, "Freddy Spaghetti," city planner Mark Brendanawicz makes the decision to leave his government job for the private sector after Ann Perkins breaks up with him and the government is temporarily shut down. His parting gift to Leslie is a design for the Pawnee Commons, then known as Lot 48. Though Mark never again appeared on the show, could the writers have not referenced his already existing, pro bono design? Did Leslie lose the design; was it not good? Perhaps unbeknownst to the viewer, Mark was a poor city planner-- but it seems unrealistic that he was truly so bad that Leslie had to desperately poll the community for designs. Digging deeper, why was Mark never again mentioned, despite appearing on the show for two entire seasons as a main character? Was this choice contractual, deliberate-- a nod to the fact that the actor may have left with less than positive affections for his role-- or was it simply the case of the characters moving on? Did he stay in Pawnee; did he hear the call for a new designer and feel remorse... possibly even hurt?
2

Imagine getting caught sneaking around with Dean. 


Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam

Warnings: Fluff, implied smut, language

Word Count: 1,300 (ish) 

A/N: I was putting on my lip gloss, and this beauty came to me. And I can work it out for @one-shots-supernatural‘s challenge from last week. The line was, Oh my god! You’re in love! I had fun writing this one. I love it when quick little pieces come to me. They end up being some of my favorites. 


Sneaking Around

You let Dean leave the bar bathroom first. The last thing you needed was for Sam to figure out that you and Dean were fucking like rabbits on a daily basis. He would be full of I told you so’s and I knew this would happen. You’d rather not endure that smugness tonight. 

After all, sex with Dean was just that, sex. Except lately you had been starting to feel something different. Slowly you weren’t just looking forward to the mind blowing orgasm that would surely come with having sex with Dean.  You had recently started loving the soft touches of his hands. The graze of his lips against yours. The way he caressed your face as he kissed you sweetly. The way your pace slowed so that the two of you moved together in harmony. And more recently, the way Dean would swallow your gasps during an orgasm with a sensual kiss. 

He would pull you up, resting in his lap still inside you, his arms wrapped tightly around you running along the curves of your back. His lips would move blissfully with yours, and you were a goner. Those orgasms were even more rewarding, more intense, and the implications behind that emotion scared the shit out of you. 

You shook your head as you tried to shake the feeling that things were changing between you and Dean. Dean didn’t get attached. You were over thinking things, you tried to convince to yourself. Push down the feelings. Forget about it, Y/N, you told yourself as you stepped out of the bathroom. 

You approached the table as Sam and Dean laughed in unison. Sam seemed to make no connection between your and Dean’s absence. 

You slid into the booth next to Dean as usual. Immediately, his large hand was on your thigh, pushing your skirt up just enough so that he could make skin to skin contact. This was new. The two of you never were like this around Sam. He would figure it out if you were. 

Dean continued to talk to Sam as you tried to steady your breathing. Despite just having had an incredible orgasm just moments ago, that familiar heat was start to settle between your legs. You had to keep yourself from squirming every time Dean’s calloused thumb traced a line along the inside of your thigh. 

Sam got up to refill your drinks and immediately Dean’s lips were at your ear, nibbling gently as he whispered in your ear. “God, you’re still soaking wet. Just wait until I get you back to the motel,” he promised.

You moaned as your head fell back against the high back of the booth. Dean’s hand left your thigh and grazed the side of your face as he pulled your lips to his. You had never kissed Dean in public. It was always behind closed doors. You pulled away, hesitant and looked into Dean’s usually bright green eyes that were darkened with lust. 

“What about Sam?” you croaked, your voice thick with desire. 

“Fuck Sam,” Dean said as his lips crashed onto yours, his tongue darting into yours, hungry and desperate, as if he hadn’t just has his fill of you not five minutes earlier. 

When the two of you pulled away, gasping, you stared into each other’s eyes. Your chest was heaving and neither one of you said anything. 

Sam cleared his throat, and you jumped away from Dean, or at least you tried. Dean had his arm securely around your waist, and you couldn’t move. 

“Nice glitter lip gloss, Dean,” Sam commented with a laugh. 

You turned to look at Dean’s lips and sure enough, they sparkled in the low lights of the bar, evidence that your lips had been locked with his. His eyes were bright and mischievous when you looked up at him.

Dean shrugged and pulled you closer to him. “Well, cat’s out of the bag, princess,” he smirked and kissed you again. 

“God you two, get a room,” Sam laughed again as he took a drink from the bottle sitting in front of him. “I knew this was bound to happen. About damn time, too!” Sam said with a smile, looking at the two of you. 

Dean laughed and looked into your eyes. “You were right, sweetheart,” he smiled. 

You turned from him and looked at Sam, slowly pushing away from Dean. “Sam, it’s not like that,” you said. 

“You mean you two haven’t been sneaking around for months?” Sam inquired, seeing right through you. 

“Well, yeah,” you admitted. “But it isn’t like that,” you insisted. 

Sam’s face changed as a realization dawned on him. “Oh my God,” he whispered. “You’re in love?” he asked. 

You looked at Dean, and he was staring at you, his mouth agape. He looked utterly shocked. That was enough to send you bolting from the booth and out the door. You faintly heard Dean’s voice calling after you, but you kept running. 

When you reached the Impala, a hand landed on your elbow, gently turning you around. Your eyes met Dean’s before falling to the ground. You didn’t want him to see the tears that had welled up in your eyes. 

He gently placed his hand on your chin and slowly lifted it so that you were forced to look into his eyes. “Is it true?” he asked, unable to hide the hope in his voice. “Please tell me it’s true, Y/N,” he pleaded, as he gazed into your eyes. 

You blinked slowly, tears falling from your eyes as you tried to process Dean’s pleas. “Wait. What?” you asked, the disbelief in your voice clear. 

“Y/N, I love you. I thought this,” he gestured between the two of you, “was just sex until one day I realized it was so much more,” he confessed. His hand slid to the nape of your neck. Agonizingly slowly, his lips moved so that they were millimeters away from yours before he spoke again, his breath hot on your lips. “Do you really feel the same way?” he asked again. 

Instead of an answer, your arms slid around his waist and up to his shoulders as you pulled him flush against your heaving chest. Your lips met and immediately, the kiss felt different. His lips moved reverently against yours as if they were worshiping yours. His tongue grazed your bottom lip before sliding past it with ease. His tongue danced with yours as if you were experiencing each other for the first time. It was mesmerizing and made your stomach do flip flips with each flick of his tongue. 

You pulled way reluctantly and rested your forehead against Dean’s. “I love you,” you whispered. 

Dean’s hands landed on your thighs then, and he hoisted you up. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as his long fingers dug into your ass. 

“Thank god,” Dean sighed in relief as he pinned you between him and the Impala. His lips were leaving a hot, wet trail everywhere they went. He kissed along your jawline and pulled away, looking into your eyes. “I love you.” He kissed the sensitive spot behind your ear. “I love you,” he whispered. He kissed down your neck and to your shoulder. “I love you,” he growled. 

With each confession of his love, his voice grew gravely with desire. Your chest heaved, overwhelmed by the shift that was taking place between you and Dean. Overwhelmed in the best possible way. 

That night, you made love to Dean in the Impala. It was no longer just sex. 

It was love. It was beautiful. 

Tags below, ladies and gents!

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cosleia  asked:

OH MY GOD YOU'RE A HAL 9000 STAN

I HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED 

I just really, really love 2001: A Space Odyssey, both the movie and the book. And I’ve read 2010 where we learn a lot about HAL and I just :( leave him alone!!!  He just wants to complete the mission!!

Also he’s 100% more interesting than the humans which was a choice made by Arthur C. Clarke and Kubrick that I fucking love :’)

The red eye is just a real interesting guy!

Oh my god, I’m starting a new job next week. I’m so excited. I’ll have more time to work on sable, and I’m not losing any money. I finally get to leave this poisonous job behind me. Just 4 more days….

Public.

I will very rarely write for any group/member outside of the ones listed on my description and rule page, but because they just finally debuted and because I was given so much liberty for this, why the hell not. 

Anon asked: SMUT SCENARIO (I’LL LEAVE THE SCENARIO ITSELF TO YOU, SURPRISE ME) with B.I. of ikon. THANK YOU I LOVE YOU.

-Thanks anonnie. I love you too. Hope this is something like what you wanted!

type: drabble/scenario/yeah I went nuts on this one
rating: S for Super Smutty
member: B.I./Hanbin
plot: Hanbin decides to be a little too promiscuous while at the cinema and things get a little steamy.

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  • Me: [Googles "How to Tame Your Leopard Gecko."]
  • Me: Ok, so I just gotta start leaving my hand in the tank for her to investigate. Simple enough.
  • Me: [places hand in tank]
  • Cirrus: [walks onto my hand]
  • Me: Oh my god it's working
  • Cirrus: [runs up my sleeve]
  • Me: NO TOO FAST, TOO FAST! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE WEEKS I'M NOT PREPARED! AHHHHH!!! [scoops her up with other hand and puts her back in the tank]
  • Cirrus: [stares at me cutely, unphased]
The Fall and Rise of Dan and Phil

Summary: Dan and Phil’s relationship as told through video transcripts and social media. 

A/N: oh my god there is a reason no one does this. It took me about a week to finish writing and a solid 4-5 hours of my Saturday afternoon to create. Also, my photo shopping skills leave a lot to be desired. I’m sorry. I tried. 


April 14 

(Dan’s Younow)

‘So many people asking where Phil is today. I don’t know… I actually have no idea where Phil is at the moment and I actually don’t fucking care. He’s definitely not home, but he could be sitting on the front steps, or be on the other side of the country for all I know. Don’t care. Let’s move on and talk about something else. If Phil wanted you to know where he was he would have tweeted it I’m sure.

'He’s probably out with fucking… whatever. Spotify update. Yes, let me update you on what I’m listening to.

'What was the last date I went on? Well it definitely wasn’t tonight. I can tell you that much.

'Would you rather die or kiss Phil? Really guys? This question is asked all the time and I know you just want to hear me say I would kiss Phil. To answer though- the former. My choice is the first one. Make of that what you will.



April 17 

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  • fp: im kind of tired. i think im gonna go to bed. is that okay?
  • me, internally: oh my fucking god no stay please stay i feel unstable and i want to die and i just want to talk to you please don't leave me alone i dont know how im going to make it through the night without you telling me that it'll be okay we barely talked today and i miss you so much please don't leave me alone
  • me: :) sure! sleep is important and you deserve it!!

So

yesterday on my break, I had a chat with two other female coworkers about creepy things men have done to us at work that made us feel physically afraid.

I highly doubt guys ever sit around and have these conversations:

“Last week there was this girl at the counter, she’s twice my age, and she’s asking for my phone number, asking what time I got off work, telling me I’m handsome, keeps trying to touch my hands, and she wouldn’t leave until I called over a manager, oh my god it was so creepy, like is this girl going to be waiting outside when I’m done work?”

“OMG last year there was this girl doing the exact same thing to me, but she ACTUALLY DID GO SIT IN HER CAR AND WAIT THERE till I was on my break and SHE WAS WAITING OUTSIDE FOR ME. She sat there in her car for TWO HOURS to see if I came out.”

Seriously guys, have you ever had this chat with one of your male coworkers? No? You know what? Every single girl has a story like this. Ask them. Ask them to tell you a story about how a guy made them afraid at work. I GUARANTEE YOU, every single one of them will have one. If not them personally, they will have a story about a time when a friend phoned them in tears or a time when they had to go pick up a sister or something. Something. Ask your male coworkers to tell you a story about a girl making them feel unsafe at work. Ask them. See how many stories you get.

Guys, you seriously have no idea what it’s like to be a woman. You say “it can’t be THAT bad!” despite the fact that we are telling you, over and over and over, YES! It CAN be that bad!

Would you please just listen to us?

Expecting

Request: Hey there!! I absolutely adore your imagines and your writing! You’re so amazing! Also, may I request a Mikey fluff where he finds out that the reader is pregnant? c: Thank you and I hope that you have a lovely week.~

“Oh my god…” I whispered as I stared down at the two pink lines. This was the third pregnancy test I’ve taken and they all came back positive. What am I gonna tell Mikey? The band just released their third album and would be leaving in a few months. I began to panic about his reaction, would he be mad? Happy? Sad? I shook my head, trying to shake away all of these bad thoughts. Practically on cue, I heard the door downstairs open.

“Y/n, i’m home! And I got Chinese food!” Mikey called from downstairs. I could hear bags rustling as I slowly descended down the stairs. Mikey was laying Styrofoam containers in the middle of the table. “Hey babe, I picked up some dinner on my way back. Are you hungry?”

“Mikey…we need to talk.”

“Aw, that’s never a good way to kick off dinner,” he groaned, grabbing a Pepsi from the refrigerator.

“I’m serious Mikey.”

“Me too y/n. Come on, I want to have a nice, romantic take out dinner with my lady. Can it wait till after?”

“Does this look like it could wait?” I snapped, flashing the pregnancy test from behind my back. Mikey’s smile vanished, staring at the test in wonder.

“Y/n…are you?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Are you sure?”

“I took three test and they all came back positive.”

“Babe…that’s wonderful!”

“W-What?” I raised an eyebrow up, clearly confused. 

“This is amazing! We can turn the spare bedroom into a nursery! We need to start thinking of names,” Mikey beamed, wrapping me in a hug.

“Wait, you’re happy about this?”

“Aren’t you?” He frowned. “Do you want a baby?”

“Of course I do. I just wasn’t too sure about the timing. You’re leaving soon and probably won’t even be here when the baby’s due,” I muttered. I could feel tears brim my eyes, saying this out loud made it feel way more real. 

“It won’t be easy, but I will be there. Even if I have to leave the tour for awhile.”

“Mikey you can’t leave the tour! You love performing!”

“I do love performing, but you and our baby are my whole world. And if taking a break is what I have to do to be with my child, than that’s what i’m gonna do. I love you y/n and i’m not leaving you to do this on your own.”

“I love you too Mikey. I’ve always wanted a baby.” I smiled, looking down at my stomach. Mikey dropped to his knees and kissed my belly.

“I can’t wait to meet you Mikey Jr.”

“Mikey Jr.? What if it’s a girl?”

“I can’t wait to meet you Y/n Jr. or Mikey Jr.! Whatever you are, Daddy loves you!” He planted one more kiss on the center of my stomach before standing back up, pecking my lips.

“Now, how about that romantic dinner?”

Shatt Week Day 1: Reunions/Departures

@shiromattweek

(I am so excited for Shatt week you guys have no idea. I have been waiting for this for months and now it’s finally here and AAAAAAAAH I’M SO READY!!!

Starting off with something small and quiet, just trying to get into the swing of things. Hope you enjoy it!)


“Wow. I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow already,” Matt murmured, curling forward to wrap his arms around his legs and rest his chin on his knees.

“I know,” Shiro said just as quietly. Unlike Matt, his legs were sprawled out in front of him, leaning back on his hands stretched out behind his back.

They sat beside each other on the grassy hill, their eyes fixed on the launch site that stretched out below them. Though it was well into dusk and the sunlight was rapidly fading, teams of workers were still scurrying all over the launch site like industrious ants, scrambling to get everything ready for the mission tomorrow. To the untrained eye, they might seem panicked, but to Matt and Shiro, who had been involved with the Garrison for a long time, they could tell that everything was right on schedule.

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I’m finally watching last week’s Legends and oh my god this episode is a masterpiece.

- First, DINOSAURS.

- So much Sara and Jax. I love them both so much I’m screaming.

- Nate’s reaction to the snake. “Kick it, kill it, kill it!”

- “You’re like an attractive Dr. Dolittle.”

- Just everything about Ray and Gertrude. “One of her eggs made me like 70 omelettes. I regret nothing.” 😂

- Jax: Evil Ray, evil Stein.

Sara: Evil Mick. Well, I guess that’s just regular Mick, but still.

- “Do not leave the urine perimeter!”

- Ray’s concern about Mari being born!!!

- Gideon!

- Rip is back!!

- And did I mention all the Sara and Jax because I’m still screaming!

I was tagged by @drarryking a while ago (sorry it took so long!) Thank you!


🔹age: twentysomething

🔹 biggest fear: never getting better


🔹 current time: time to get back to work and stop procrastinating ugh

🔹 drink you last had: tea

🔹 every day starts with: my roommates doing things and me either helping them or stopping them or me sleeping through it all and them leaving post-its on my door


🔹 favourite song: ‘crazy’ by Gnarls Barkley

🔹ghosts are real? Well I’m haunted by the ghosts of my past so that should count for something

🔹in love with: my neighbor’s cat, she’s the cutest thing oh god, and she loooooves to cuddle. Also my boyfriend. 

🔹 jealous of: people who have their shit together

🔹killed someone? someone laid a hand on my best friend once and it would be prudent for him to never cross my path because I just might.

🔹last time you cried: last week? I’m a total crybaby, I cry at every movie that is even remotely sad

🔹middle name: Ibelisse. This is not actually true, but I really, really want it to be.  


🔹number of siblings: She counts for a thousand, my friends

🔹one wish: for reason and empathy to return to politics

🔹person you last called or texted: Angel <3


🔹questions you’re always asked: “hey, you wanna finish this?”

🔹reasons to smile: my plants, and the fact that my tiny olive tree has survived the winter. Also playing board games with my roommates and cuddling.


🔹song last sang: “Dirty Paws” by Of Monsters and Men

🔹 vacation destination: I really really want to take the Siberia express all the way to Beijing

🔹worst habit: p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n 


🔹 x-rays you’ve had: Most limbs, I was a tree-climber child (and adult oops)


🔹 your favourite food: allllll the food (but special weakness for curries, and I always carry some chocolate)

I tag @onyxxocean, @robot-beepboop, @irrationalwitch and @wetherebelskies