oh god are you kidding me

BTS: Reaction to their crush being mistaken as their girlfriend

•Jin: You two were walking through the super market, looking for snacks and sugary drinks for your movie night at the dorm. You came over every Saturday, unless they were on tour. You were reaching for an item high up, standing on your tip toes and stretching as much as you could. Your shirt started to lift and Jin panicked.“Are you trying to get other boys to look at you?” He grabbed the hem of your shirt and helped you hold it down. He was a little flustered. “Aish I can get it.” He held your hip with one hand and reached up to grab it-easily. You felt your heart flutter, and you looked back at him.

“My, what a cute couple.” An elderly lady said with a gentle smile. Jin looked at you panicked, and you just smiled in response, bumping your hip against his and giggling.

“Come on boyfriend, let’s get some ice cream.”

Originally posted by softlytaejin

•Yoongi: You were looking to buy a new piano since the destruction monster broke your last one. You asked Yoongi to help you out since he had a good eye when it came to pianos.“Sit, try this one out.” He pat the bench and sat on one side, sitting in front of a cherrywood piano. You sat next to him and slowly started playing to Yoongi’s “First Love,” it being your favorite.

“I just think I want a different color.” You said, not thinking about what your fingers were doing and just doing it.

“I think, this one will bring out your beautiful eyes-” he looked at you, shocked about what he said. He went to apologize but your fingers started to tap his, and it made you both panic.

“See we used to be as cute as that but now you won’t play with me anymore.” An elderly woman complained to her husband after seeing you and Yoongi play together. You both softly laughed and looked into each other’s eyes

.“She said we’re cute.” You whispered.

“I think that’s a sign.” He mumbled with a smirk.

Originally posted by bangtan

•Namjoon: You and Joonie were cooking together for Bangtan. You wanted to teach him since he was so bad at it. Slowly, he got closer and closer, and he nearly tipped you over. You closed your eyes tightly and prepared for the worst, holding your breath. You felt arms wrap around your waist and you quickly opened your eyes to see Namjoon’s face super close to your own.“Are you ok..?” He asked breathlessly. You grabbed onto his face with your sticky hands that smelled like garlic and giggled softly, nodding in response. He was leaning in slowly and you did nothing to stop it, you closed your eyes, expecting the kiss of your dreams.

“Is food almost-HYUNG! If you’re gonna make out with your girlfriend do it somewhere we can’t see!” An innocent Jungkook scolded and covered his eyes.

“whaT-” Namjoon loosened his arms and let you fall to the floor on your butt.

Originally posted by syubto

•Hoseok: Today was Bangtan’s day off, so you all decided to go horseback riding. After a long riding session, Hoseok hopped off the horse you shared and grabbed your hand. “Come, I’ll help you down.” He smiled a very prince-like smile at you. You grabbed onto his shoulder and he held your waist gently but securely. You slowly slid off, landing in front of him. You two were very close and he got tense, seeing the love of his life so close. Looking into your eyes he began to lean in, and you didn’t stop him. This would’ve been the most romantc thing to happen to you, but you were interrupted by Taehyung.

“Hyung I didn’t know you were dating now!” He said with a dropped jaw, making both you and Hobi jump.

“Huh?!” You both shouted in unison.You pushed Hoseok back, looking down quickly after and covering your red cheeks.

Originally posted by yoonseokismyreligion

•Jimin: Wrapping his arm around your neck, he smiled charmingly as he looked at what you were pointing at. “You look like that.” You pointed to the monkey in the cage with the big red butt.

“What?!” Jimin looked at you surprised and scoffed. He thought for a few seconds, huffing and pouting. “Well… well at least I don’t look like a. Like a fish.” He said aggressively. “With those, kissable lips…” he looked down at your lips, and as soon as you snapped your head up at him, he gulped and looked into your eyes.

“Chim..?” You felt yourself turning red.

“Mommy yucky are they gonna kiss?” A little bit asked behind you. You felt embarrassed and looked down quickly. Jimin smiled and bit his lip, tightening his grip around you.

Originally posted by bwipsul

•Taehyung: Tae decided to take you out after a long day of him practicing and you studying. As best friends, you’d occasionally do stuff like this for each other. Dinner, the movies, now a walk in the park. “Let’s play truth or dare.” He said with a mischievous smile.

“Ok then,” you were always down for that. “Truth or dare?” You asked him while sipping on your iced coffee.

“Truth.”

“Tell me who your crush is.” You said with no hesitation.“Aish (Y/n) not that again…” he smiled. “Truth or dare?” He asked. You huffed and crossed your arms.

“Dare.” You responded.

“Kiss me.” His sudden request nearly made you choke. You looked up at him, waiting for him to tell you he was kidding. But instead, he grabbed your waist and pulled you closer. He quickly pecked your lips, making you jump a bit. You heard a gasp behind you.

“Oh my god when did you two start dating?” A random Jhope appeared with 5 other boys behind him.

“Just now.” Tae said while hugging you and smiling big.

Originally posted by yourpinkpill

•Jungkook: Not to long ago BigHit invited you to be a part of Bangtan’s new MV, since you were drop dead gorgeous and a good actress. You were the girl they’d all be gawking over. Jungkook however had the hardest time. He was weird with girls, but his crush was a-whole-nother thing. He was the one to end up with the girl-you-and in the end of the MV he was scripted to make it look like he was kissing you. You didn’t mind, him being your best friend and your crush. And the way he got all shy made you feel confident. The MV was released, and all the comments said, “Jungkook and (Y/n)! I knew they were dating!” Or “I saw this happening.” Jungkook barged into your house when you were sleeping. You felt a heavy weight on you and groaned loudly.

“Because of you everyone thinks we’re dating!” He said loudly, making you whine.

“What’s the big deal..? You like me anyway.” You mumbled tiredly and rolled on your side.

“Well..! You like me too!” He argued, staring at you with eyes filled with disbelief.

“Hush and sleep with me…” you pulled him down next to you and hugged your arms around him tightly. 

Originally posted by purelyjimin

paleesky  asked:

A prompt for the voltron family au, Keith playing with shiro's fringe while cuddling in bed and the kids slowly joining them I'm bed one by one...💞💞💞💖💖💖💖💖

[The Voltron Family] It was a holiday on a Wednesday, so the whole family was at home. The teens were in the living room playing video games after lunch, while Keith and Shiro were in bed for some Daddy Time which was basically cuddling in their dictionary.

Shiro was lying on Keith’s chest with his arms wrapped around his husband. Keith, on the other hand, was playing with Shiro’s fringe, running his fingers through it so gently because it calmed down Shiro.

Shiro: *softly* We should probably change our curtains sometime. 
Keith: *hums* You think so? Is our current gold one too fancy for you?
Shiro: *shakes his head* S’not. I just thought maybe a change would be nice. We haven’t gone curtain shopping in a year.
Keith: Obviously. We have five sets already, Takashi. *looks pointedly at Shiro* For the whole damn house. Three floors. Every damn room.
Shiro: *smirks* Do we really? 
Keith: Why are you so obsessed with curtains? They don’t come cheap, you know. Plus, the people at the mall always roll their eyes when we do curtain shopping cause they never have enough supplies for us.
Shiro: *chuckles* Oh my god. They really do. They hate us, don’t they?
Keith: *deep voice* There’s that married couple again. How many curtains do they even need for that house of theirs?! Why can’t they choose different ones for each room?
Shiro: *copies Keith’s voice* We have a motif. A motif!!! 
Keith: *frowns* I don’t sound like that. *stops playing with Shiro’s fringe*

Shiro just giggled and was about to lean up to give Keith a kiss when suddenly someone knocked on their door to get their attention. There stood Pidge, who just entered the room giving no care if she was disturbing her daddies. Before the husbands could ask what she wanted, she took off her slippers and just climbed the bed, separated their bodies and positioned herself in the middle, sandwiching between her daddies. She grabbed both of their arms hugged them in front of her. 

Pidge: *beams* Don’t mind me. Carry on with whatever you were talking about. *gets herself comfy while cuddling both her dads*
Keith: *raises an eyebrow* Not that I’m complaining with the cuddling but—
Pidge: Hunk and Lance are having a one-on-one playing Need for Speed at the moment, and I can’t join.
Shiro: But it’s multiplayer, sweetheart and—- *sees Pidge pouting* *melts* and who honestly cares, right? When we can just stay in bed? *smooshes his cheek with Pidge*
Pidge: *smiles* Yeah. So anyways, what were you guys talking about?
Keith: Curtains actually. Your Daddy Shiro wanted new curtains. *snorts*
Pidge: *turns to Shiro in disbelief* AGAIN?

After a few minutes, Hunk appeared at the door.

Hunk: Oh, so you’re here, Pidge. I was just looking for you and—
Pidge: Join us, Hunk! *waves at him to come*
Hunk: *nervous* Aren’t we too big to be sleeping with—
Keith: Oh c’mon, baby. There’s enough room for you here. Or are you too old to be sleeping in the master bedroom?
Hunk: *smiles wide* Okay.

Hunked joined and they continued talking about curtains because Shiro needed to have that discussion with Keith. After 10 minutes they heard someone gasp.

Lance: HOW WAS I NOT INFORMED OF THE CUDDLING SESSION?!
Pidge: *rolls her eyes* You were too busy playing, loser.
Lance: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS. OF ALL PEOPLE, I SHOULD BE THE FIRST TO KNOW. *storms into the room and positions himself beside his Daddy Shiro* I love cuddling. *frowns*
Shiro: *laughs* *pulls Lance closer* I know, buddy. We didn’t want to disturb your gaming. 
Lance: You know I’d rather cuddle than play games.
Keith, Hunk and Shiro: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Pidge: DISGUSTING. *makes vomiting noises*
Lance: We should kick Pidge out. *slaps Pidge playfully* We don’t have much space. Get rid of the little gremlin so we can fit more.
Pidge: Hey! I WAS HERE FIRST!
Keith: *looks at Shiro pointedly* *clears his throat* Anyways, what do you think about doing curtain shopping with us later? And maybe choose one for your rooms? 
Hunk: Oh my god. Can I have a yellow and green one for my room?
Pidge: Green and orange for me. I’ve always wanted that.
Lance: Blue and black would look so great in mine.

Later that day, they all went to the mall and the people in the curtain section hated them. They were not aware the couple had three noisy teenage kids who couldn’t make up their minds. They were worse than their daddies.

so i saw someone on another post say that fourth graders are too young to be starting sex ed and

oh my god that’s exactly what i thought back when i started (shitty abstinence-only) sex ed in fourth grade because i was fucking brainwashed into baptist purity culture

the same purity culture that’s heavily traumatized me and has caused me to have issues with hypersexuality

“think of the children” moral guardianship actively harms kids you fucks

AUs no one asked for
  •  I’m sleeping over at my friend’s flat from university after study group and just got woken up in the middle of the night by their roommate, who is sitting in the kitchen, listening very loudly to the dirty dancing soundtrack and crying. Like wtf, I didn’t even know they had a roommate and normally I would yell at you but damn you are cute. You really need to stop tho dude, its 4am, some people in this house want to sleep AU
  • I am a barista and you are a customer who comes in every day and orders the same thing and today my friend brought you with them, I didn’t even know we had mutual friends and WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT IS NOT ACTUALLY YOUR NAME HAVE I REALLY BEEN WRITING A NAME THAT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO YOURS ON YOUR CUPS FOR OVER HALF A YEAR WHY HAVE YOU NEVER CORRECTED ME AU
  • The house party me and my friends threw kinda escalated and after throwing out everyone I found this half naked person passed out in my bed but I can’t be bothered to wake them up now so I’m just gonna go to sleep and deal with it in the morning, they are kind of cute anyway AU
  • (or alternatively) I just woke up in a stranger’s bed and I’m half naked, I cant remember anything about yesterday besides that the party was great and that I got absolutely wasted AND OH MY GOD THERE IS A HOT PERSON NEXT TO ME IN BED AND THEY ARE NOT WEARING MUCH WHAT DID WE DO YESTERDAY AU
  • You are my new coworker and I’m pretty sure I’ve never met you SO WHY ARE YOU LOOKING SO FAMILIAR FUCK I THINK YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE ANGSTY EMO KIDS I USED TO STALK BACK IN THE MYSPACE DAYS I CANT BELIEVE THIS AU
  • We work out at the same gym and you are my declared rival because we have the same workout routine and you are always better than me and on my way to the locker room I passed you in the shower where you were singing the opening of hannah montana and I can still hear you and you switched to the lion king now and even though I hate you I think I am kind of in love with you AU
  • I’m hiding in the bathroom of a restaurant from a spectacularly awful tinder date and you are in a similar situation because a guy at the bar just won’t stop hitting on you and now we are planning an epic escape together even though we only met ten minutes ago AU
2

“I’d like to meet her before we work together.” They worked out that we’d meet for dinner. You know, she was 19 years old at the time. I was a worldly 24. So I was thinking, “Oh my God, it’ll be like working with a high school kid.” But I was just bowled over. I mean she was just so instantly ingratiating and funny and outspoken. She had a way of just being so brutally candid. I’d just met her but it was like talking to a person you’d known for 10 years. She was telling me stuff about her stepfather, about her mom, about Eddie Fisher — it was just harrowing in its detail. I kept thinking, “Should I know this?” I mean, I wouldn’t have shared that with somebody that I had trusted for years and years and years. But she was the opposite. She just sucked you into her world.

Favorite little Got7 things:
Sheriff Knows Best

Stiles/Derek, G, 2K words, Sheriff POV, Coffeeshop AU, matchmaker!Sheriff

(Credit for the title to @cobrilee!)

This is an expansion of the following idea, written by the lovely @artemis69:

the coffee!AU, where John goes to the same coffee shop every day, and there is this very grumpy, quiet barista that always makes him amazing coffee and keep the best pastries for him. And one day the Sheriff learns that Derek is the one to bake them all, so he decides: this will be my son in law, I need a reason to have this man in my family for at least forty to fifty years. Then he matchmakes with no subtility whatsoever, basically offering his only son on a silver plate, Stiles spluttering all the way (but he takes Derek’s number anyway because the guy is just amazingly cute)

John’s on his regular morning stroll when he stops in his tracks and takes in the brand-new coffee shop, complete with a banner advertising their opening day. The little corner space has been boarded up for over a year, and John had no idea it was opening today.

Any new businesses are a boon for Beacon Hills, especially family-run ones like this one is rumored to be, so John ducks inside. It’s warm and homey, and there’s a pair of young dark-haired people behind the counter, close enough in features that they’re probably siblings. The quiet bickering points that direction, too.

They stop, though, when they see the Sheriff—the uniform tends to have that effect—and he pastes on his public servant smile. “Hi there. I saw this place was open and wanted to come on in and introduce myself. Sheriff John Stilinski.”

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you,” the woman says, holding out her hand for a shake. A nice strong grip—John likes this girl already. “I’m Laura Hale, and I own this place with my brother Derek, our resident grumpy barista-slash-baker.”

Derek rolls his eyes at Laura, but his smile to John is genuine, if small. “Hi, Sheriff. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, son,” he says, perusing the case full of tempting sugary treats. “You made these?”

He nods. “Can I get you anything?”

John hums. “A medium coffee, and…any one of these delicious-looking goodies. You pick. Just don’t tell my son,” he adds, and Derek looks up at him.

“Your son?”

“I have slightly elevated cholesterol,” he says, stressing the word. “Nothing to worry about, honestly. But he polices my diet. I don’t think he knows about this place yet, though, so this is great.”

Derek hums. His tongs hover over a muffin—lemon poppyseed, it looks like—before moving to another one. Raspberry-almond, according to the sign, and well, John isn’t picky. Derek drops it into a little bag and hands it over.

“Happy to help,” he says.

John thanks him and opens the bag. Laura’s still pouring his coffee, but it smells so damn good that he can’t resist.

“Wow,” he says, his mouth full. “This is delicious.”

Derek looks quietly proud, and Laura claps him on the shoulder as she reaches over to hand John his coffee. “On the house, today, Sheriff,” she says. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he promises.


“Thanks, Nina,” John says dryly, leaning back so she can put his plate in front of him.

“You’re welcome, Sheriff,” she says with a friendly smile, ignoring his stink eye.

Stiles just grins at both of them and digs into his French toast. He insists on having their weekly father-son breakfast at Paulie’s Diner because no matter what John orders, Nina will only bring him an egg-white omelet with a dry English muffin. Stiles must have some serious blackmail or be paying her off somehow, and John is, he has to admit, grudgingly impressed.

“Don’t look so bummed out, Pops,” Stiles says, around a mouthful of what’s surely syrup-drenched deliciousness. “At least I let you have turkey bacon.”

“It’s not the same,” he says grumpily, poking at it. “But at least I’m getting a steady stream of baked goods now.”

Stiles glares at him. “Are you serious? From where? I thought I had paid everyone off.”

He knew it. “I’m not telling you,” he says, a little displeased with how childish he sounds.

“Fine,” Stiles says, sniffing. “I’ll figure it out, you know I will.”

He will, John knows. Goddamn, he loves his kid, even if his life goal seems to be depriving John from any and all delicious food. “And speaking of, I met someone the other day,” he starts, and Stiles gasps theatrically, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“Is this you crapping all over my dream of having Melissa as my stepmom?”

John sighs at the reminder. Melissa is…well, she seems happy with that Argent guy. Whatever. He’s not bitter.

“Not for me, Jesus,” he says, shaking his head. “For you.”

“Oh my god,” Stiles says, slumping back in the booth. “Eye roll” is too mild, John thinks. It’s more of a whole head roll. “Seriously, Dad, I’m only 25. You don’t have to marry me off quite yet. You’ll get your grandchildren someday, I promise. Stop trying to set me up with people.”

“I’m just trying to be helpful!” John protests. “He seems nice.”

And makes really good treats, he adds in his head. That’ll be a good trait for a son-in-law.

“And who exactly is he?”

John pauses. “I met him at the aforementioned undisclosed location.” 

Stiles snorts. “Find out if he actually likes dudes, then get back to me.”

“Okay,” he says seriously, and Stiles grimaces.

“No, Dad, don’t actually—”

Keep reading

The Signs Hold a Crying Baby

Aries: WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WILL IT STOP IF I SHAKE IT MAKE IT STOP WHERE IS THE MOTHER

Taurus: Keep your tears inside your eyes where they belong, you pathetic excuse for life

Gemini: Continues the one sided conversation, “so I said to Tom, I said Tomas, that’s MY fucking sandwich- wait, is it okay to cuss in front of a -what am I saying, you don’t understand words yet- anyway I said to him…”

Cancer: *is the Crying Baby* 

Leo: Worry not, I will calm you with my talent for, uh, singing, “rock-a-bye baby in the -” baby: *screams louder* leo: okay well, fuck you too

Virgo: Gross pls tell me this thing didn’t poop OH MY GOD IT POOPED GET IT OFF GET IT OFF

Libra: Smiles and patiently calms the child, artfully hiding their discomfort and disgust, thinking “why the fuck do people keep making these things I hate them I hate them I fucking hate them ughh”

Scorpio: *glares* shut the fuck

Sagittarius: Tbh if you were my kid, I’d probably “forget” you in a shopping cart at the grocery store… shit, where is your mother? Don’t tell me she-  HEY LADY, YEAH YOU, COME GET YOUR KID

Capricorn: Calmly sets the child down and walks away forever

Aquarius: According to some scientific studies, crying indicates that in later life, the infant will adapt qualities of…

Pisces: Me too, kid. Me too.  By the way, it only gets worse from here…

anonymous asked:

Sum up Critical Role and/or The Adventure Zone in 15 words or less each

OH SHIT OKAY UM

Critical Role: very talented, sarcastic, and emotional group of adventurers save the world while pranking each other

The Adventure Zone: three dudes that are both the worst and the best try to reclaim Grand Relics

that’s really hard but um even if those little snippets didn’t convince you, here are some great quotes from both of the podcasts that will hopefully win you over:

Critical Role

  • “Your dumb idea cut my hand!” 
  • “I turn into a Triceratops.”
  • “That fucking sword…ate your soul!”
  • “In the darkness I say FUCK!”
  • “Remember that time you killed a kid?”
  • “I used my last magic poo to look at my daughter!”
  • “For god’s sake, find me a beret!”
  • “New Dad is wearing Old Dad’s skin!”
  • “I don’t speak fish.”
  • “I must have missed it because I was dead.”

The Adventure Zone

  • “Abraca-fuck you!”
  • “There’s no yelling in Fantasy Costco.”
  • “Are you asking about a cliff because you want to throw the body off of it?”
  • “Hey thug what’s your name I’m gonna tentacle your dick.”
  • “I will burn a spell slot on you I give no shits.”
  • “Are you naming your goddamn wizard Taco?”
  • “Oh, god, Dad just said the word hentai out loud.”
  • “I wanna rip its arms off.”
  • “ELVISH IS NOT DORKY, DAD.”
  • “Well, I did detect good enough to see through your horseshit, so.”

GO LISTEN TO THEM BOTH THEY ARE DELIGHTFUL

in which jack and shitty accidentally date

based on a dream I had, I present: a short semi-fic about Jack and Shitty and their day-long, beautiful relationship.

Basically, this is what happens:

At a kegster during their freshmen year, in which Shitty is running around being the life of the party even though he’s a freshman, Jack is also in attendance– talking to Berger and Marsh in the kitchen. Jack is there, partly to keep an eye on Shitty, partly because he is surprised by how much he does like some of the guys on his team, mostly because they had won today and Jack is in quite a good mood. Not a good enough mood that he is going to risk going into the living room where music is blasting, but in a good enough mood that he is holding a solo cup of beer and chilling in the kitchen, chatting with Berger and Marsh. He is at ease as Jack ever is– laughing good naturedly as they tease both him and each other and of course, this is when the trouble starts.

The trouble is this: Marsh is drunk and excited that Jack has actually shown up to a Haus kegster and since Jack seems to be in a good mood, Marsh decides to take a risk and ask Jack a Question. More specifically, Marsh rams an friendly elbow into Jack’s ribs and goes:

“Yo, Zimmermann, you like anyone on campus yet?”

A few months prior, that question would have made Jack freeze up. But now, Jack smiles easily (because honestly, it is a rather respectful question– “like” instead of “fuck”; “anyone” instead of assuming “girl”) and he certainly doesn’t want to get into his romantic history or lack of crushes so he smiles, shrugs, and says

“Nah, love’s shitty,” It’s still friendly and he smiles and asks Berg about his crush that the whole team knows about and that should be that.

The problem, however, is that what Alex Berger and Carter Marsh heard was not “Nah, love’s shitty,” but “I’m in love with Shitty.”

Which, of course, is a much bigger deal. 

Keep reading

November 11, 2016 - Happy Birthday, Wally!

In which Wally reacts to his 22nd birthday exactly the same way I did.

(Also my 22nd birthday was just 6 days ago… we’re so close in age! Just another reason to love him.)

And because I know people are gonna call me out for being unrealistic, here’s an actual picture of how his 22nd birthday goes down, you sadists:

Cute Bus Stop Guy

Sterek, Teen, 2K words, Meet Cute AU


Stiles groaned and took a very long swig from his travel coffee mug as he hitched his messenger bag up higher on his shoulder. It was barely eight in the morning, and consequently, he could barely keep his eyes open. He was a grad student for fuck’s sake, and it was understood that in order to make up for the shitty stipend and the whole working-around-the-clock thing, he got to sleep in until 10. At least. After all, if he was up until 3 working, it was only fair. But noooo, his advisor—fuck you, Finstock—had insisted on an early meeting today.

He passed the bus stop and realized that at least he was lucky in that he lived close enough to campus that he could walk instead of dealing with public transportation at rush hour. Small condolences, really, though.

He yawned and accidentally bumped into someone walking past him. Stiles tried to apologize, but the word got stuck in his throat when he opened his eyes and caught a glimpse of the person he’d nearly knocked over. He was about Stiles’ height but bigger, all broad shoulders and muscles capped off by really great hair and an unfairly attractive face. “Uh.”

The guy gave him a curt little nod and neatly sidestepped him, continuing on his way. Stiles snuck a look over his shoulder, and yep, the rear view in those tight slacks was pretty good, too. The guy stopped at the bus stop, leaning against the sign, and Stiles sighed. It was a dreamy sigh, even he could admit that.

He had a feeling he was going to become a morning person.

Keep reading

Mr. Min - Chapter 06

Description:  Your CEO caught your attention the first day you started your new job and it seems the attraction is mutual.  Too bad he’s only interested in a relationship that benefits him.

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader x Jungkook

Genre: Angst and Smut

Word Count: 26,321 

A/N: I’m so sorry.  I don’t think I’m capable of doing short chapters anymore.  Feel free to read this on AO3 instead if your app messes up.  

And a huge round of applause to the always lovely, @avveh, for beta-ing this behemoth.  I’m so sorry to put you through that lol.

Keep reading

  • Roadhog: ...
  • Efi: (stares)
  • Roadhog: ...
  • Efi: (stares harder)
  • Roadhog: ...You need somethin' kid?
  • Efi: You're tall.
  • Roadhog: Wow, thanks for the revelation.
  • Both: ...
  • Efi: Can you give me a piggyback ride?
  • Roadhog: ...
  • Efi: (gives a soul crushing look of impossible denial)
  • Roadhog: ...Ugh, just hold on tight.
  • Efi: Yay! Piggyback ride!
  • Junkrat: Yay! Piggyback ride!
  • Roadhog: Jamison, go fuck yourself.
  • Efi: What's a "fuck"?
  • Both: ...
  • Junkrat: ...It's a type of candy.
  • Efi: Is it good? I wanna fuck!
  • Mercy: What on God's green earth did she just say!?
  • Roadhog: ...I wanna duck.
  • Junkrat: Nice save, mate.
  • Wally: From now on, we will be using codenames. You may address me as Eagle One.
  • Wally: M'gann codename: Been There Done That
  • Wally: Artemis is Currently Doing That
  • Artemis: *high fives him*
  • Wally: Zatanna is It Happened Once In a Dream
  • Wally: Robin codename: If I Had To Pick A Dude
  • Robin: Thanks man
  • Wally: And Kaldur is...
  • Kaldur: *sweats*
  • Wally: Eagle Two
  • Kaldur: Oh thank God
The Case of the Bed Stranger

Stiles/Derek, T, 1.5K words, College AU

Written for the following prompt: The house party me and my friends threw kinda escalated and after throwing out everyone I found this half naked person passed out in my bed but I can’t be bothered to wake them up now so I’m just gonna go to sleep and deal with it in the morning, they are kind of cute anyway AU


“Erica,” Derek says calmly—very calmly, he thinks, considering the situation. It’s two in the morning, he just trudged back from the library with a pounding headache behind his eyes, and he comes home to find their apartment the site of a raging house party, with drunk undergrads everywhere.

“Hey, Der,” she says, with that wide grin that only comes out when she’s had one drink too many.

“You didn’t tell me you were throwing a party,” he says, his jaw clenched, and she scoffs.

“This? This isn’t a party. This is a, uh, just a little get-together.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “It’s finals, for fuck’s sake. I’m going to bed, at least turn the fucking music down.”

He pushes through the crowd—accidentally hitting some of them with his backpack, oops—and finally seeks refuge in his room. The noise is dulled, blessedly, when he shuts the door behind him, and he exhales, letting his eyes fall shut. His momentary calm evaporates, however, when he opens eyes and notices the very important fact that someone is currently asleep in his bed, sprawled out on his stomach like he owns the place.

All Derek can see is broad bare shoulders, messy brown hair, and half of a mole-dotted face, pressed into the pillow and currently slack with sleep. Huh.

Derek sighs. He’s fucking exhausted, he doesn’t want to deal with babysitting some drunk kid right now, and he really doesn’t want him to wake up and then throw up in Derek’s bed or something.

Plus, the traitorous little voice in his head says, he’s really cute.

Derek shakes his head, irritated, as he drops his backpack on his desk chair. He strips down to his boxers and skips brushing his teeth—he’ll do it twice in the morning, and people are probably fucking the bathroom anyway, Jesus Christ.

Derek pulls back the comforter and gently slides into the bed, trying not to disrupt the mattress before he realizes that he’s being ridiculous. Why is he even considering a stranger’s comfort? It all seems for naught, anyway, because this kid apparently sleeps like the dead.

He takes a quick peek under the blankets, and at least the guy’s still wearing briefs, thank god. Derek doesn’t want to have to worry about accidentally sexually assaulting someone in his sleep.

He flops over onto his other side—thanks to the king size bed, his only grad school indulgence, there’s plenty of room—and closes his eyes. He’ll deal with this shit in the morning.

Keep reading

tygermama  asked:

You know what would even be funnier in the Scandalore verse? Obi Wan and Satine have been secretly married for years. They were waiting for Obi Wan to finish training and then there was Anakin and then the war and Anakin has an epic conniption because he really could gave used some how to be sekritly married tips

OH GOOD LORD, SOMEONE WRITE THIS. Secretly Married Obi-Wan is killing me. Like, Obi-Wan keeps meaning to say something, keeps meaning to resign from the order so that he can go BE WITH HIS WIFE but…he doesn’t want to set a bad example or anything and this KID is here now and…well, he’ll figure it out later. Attachments are forbidden, Anakin! Hang on, I have to go…to Mandalore…for reasons. I’ll be right back! Politicians are not to be trusted byeeeeee!

Satine is going to be so epically annoyed with him for dragging his feet on this. ARE YOU ASHAMED OF ME, OBI-WAN KENOBI?! WELL THEN MAYBE YOU’LL ENJOY SLEEPING ON THE COUCH. *throws a martini into the wall*

Can you even IMAGINE Anakin’s face when he learns this Important Information? Oh my God. 

The Signs Hold a Crying Baby

Aries: WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WILL IT STOP IF I SHAKE IT MAKE IT STOP WHERE IS THE MOTHER

Taurus: Keep your tears inside your eyes where they belong, you pathetic excuse for life

Gemini: Continues the one sided conversation, “so I said to Tom, I said Tomas, that’s MY fucking sandwich- wait, is it okay to cuss in front of a -what am I saying, you don’t understand words yet- anyway I said to him…”

Keep reading