oh dear god what am i doing with my hands

Come back... Be here

Dylan O’Brien x Reader

Originally posted by admireforever

(NOT MY GIF)

A/N: I have been wanting to write this for an insane amount of time and yestereday the words just slipped, like it was truthfully meant to be written. I’m hoping you will like this just as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please give me some response, okay? I don’t kill me if you cry. I did too.

A huge thank you to my piggie @dylan-trash-tbh for reading this and telling me to post it. Love ya.

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of sex, alcohol, cursing. that’s all. plus, it has been on Taylor Swift’s song “Come back… Be here”, so if you want to listen while reading… It would be nice. 

Word Count: 4760

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adelatur  asked:

Might you be persuaded to write the Mr Bennet time travelling grad student stuck in regency hell fic? Because I am loath to tread on any literary toes, but simultaneously have some ideas... Not that I'll get to them any time soon.

… I’m weak and I started it. (Though I would love to hear your take on it, since I just cobbled together a bunch of fake science from wikipedia.) Here you go:

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“Rejection”; Chapter Twelve

NOTES: Extra long chapter today to make up for the wait. No swears, and… well, you’ll find out for yourself towards the end of the chapter.  (▰˘◡˘▰) (=゚ω゚)ノ

______________________________________________________________                                           

                                             (The next morning…)

You awoke at around 9:30 to the scent of something sweet. Rubbing the crust from around your eyelids and ruffling your hair, you saw Papyrus setting something down on the kitchen table. It appeared to be… spaghetti. You frowned, and sat up straight. The tall skeleton must have saw your sudden movement, as he rushed over to you. He sat down on the floor beside you, booming out a hello.

You covered your ears, wincing from the loud noise. “GOOD MORNING, SLEEPY HEAD!” Papyrus chuckled, and cocked his head to the side. You smiled from his goofiness, and stretched. None of your bones popped, which irritated you, but it didn’t last long. “Hey there, Paps.” You yawned mid-sentence, and scratched your shoulders. Papyrus’s happy demeanor faltered for a second, and he fiddled with his gloved thumbs.

“HUMAN, I AM SORRY THAT I MADE YOU CRY LAST NIGHT. I HEATED UP SOME LEFTOVER PASTA TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!” He lowered his head the same a puppy would do when being yelled at, and your brain ached. Oh yeah. I’d completely forgotten. I don’t think I had any dreams last night either; except for one part where I was in the Arctic, freezing, and a warm breeze passed over me to keep me warm. Weird. It felt real…

You reached out a hand, and massaged the innocent skeleton’s skull lovingly. “Oh, Papyrus. I could never stay mad at you!” Papyrus jumped up into the air, and scooped you up into his arms. You braced yourself for the spinning, but instead Papyrus settled back down onto the couch behind you and embraced your body tightly. “THANK YOU, FRIEND (Nickname)! I CANNOT IMAGINE GOING ON WITH MY DAY KNOWING THAT YOU WERE STILL UPSET!”

You felt a tear streak down your cheek at his worry, and squeezed him back hard. “Papyrus, I will always be your friend. Don’t you ever forget that.” You whispered by his face where his ears should be, and felt his cheekbones warm with pure joy. The two of you stayed like that for a moment, until he reached for your blanket and laid it atop your lap. He scooched from out under you, and handed you the remote.

“YOU WAKE UP EARLY COMPARED TO MY BROTHER, (Nickname).” Papyrus mentioned, and an idea occurred to you. “What time do you wake up?” You asked, and Papyrus struck a heroic pose. “I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WAKE UP AT 6 O'CLOCK SHARP.” Your jaw dropped, and wrinkled your nose. “Why?” You laughed, when his eye sockets bulged slightly.

“DON’T ALL HUMANS WAKE UP AT THE SAME TIME THE GREAT PAPYRUS DOES?” He inquired, and you shook your head. “As you can probably see…” You gestured to yourself, “…that is not true.” You giggled, and Papyrus brought a hand up around his chin. “INTERESTING… FRISK IS AN EARLY RISER LIKE I AM. PERHAPS YOU ARE SPECIAL HUMAN, (Nickname).” You blushed at his compliment (was it a compliment?) and waved a hand at him.

“Hey, what can I say? I’m a night owl.” You shrugged, and Papyrus made a bewildered expression. “I THOUGHT YOU WERE A HUMAN!!” It took you a second to figure out what he meant by that, and when you did, you burst out into laughter. The walls reflected the loud noise, and Papyrus started yelling at you to calm down. “I’M SO CONFUSED!!!” He shouted, and started flailing his arms about like an idiot.

You only laughed harder, and plopped flat onto the floor. Papyrus stopped his crazed running around, and threw you on top of his shoulders. “(Nickname)!! EXPLAIN YOUR RACE!” You wiped a tear, not even minding how strong this guy must have been in order to pick you up so fast like that. “It’s a figure of speech, Paps. I’m a human; when I say I’m a ‘night owl’, that means I like to stay up later than most.”

The skeleton pondered for a moment, and then started chuckling. The rattling of his laughs made you bounce slightly, causing you to wrap your arms around his neck for safety. “OH! THEN MY BROTHER MUST BE AN OWL TOO. HE SELDOM GOES TO HIS ROOM EARLY; MAINLY BECAUSE HE HAS TO READ ME MY BEDTIME STORY.” You recalled how he told Frisk that same bit of information, making you smiled.

“IT’S CALLED-” “-Tales of the Fluffy Bunny?” You finished his sentence for him; he looked up towards you, smiling wide. “HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT, HUMAN?” You flinched, reminding yourself that around Papyrus you had to keep your mouth shut. “U-uh, you told me last night while making dinner! Remember?’

He frowned, and narrowed his eyes at the messed up couch. “HMM… I THINK I DO. BUT, ANYWAYS, LET’S GO EAT THAT DELICIOUS BREAKFAST THAT I HEATED UP JUST FOR YOU!” Papyrus cheered, and took off towards the kitchen. You clung to his scarf, and froze. “Wait, Papyrus-! I’m not gonna fit through the-” Your head clunked painfully against the entryway, and you slipped off of the younger brother’s shoulders.

You fell to the ground hard, and cried out when your spine landed first. You shrunk into the fetal position, and Papyrus spun around quickly. “OH MY GOD!! DEAR (Nickname), ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! I AM SO SORRY!! HOLD ON, LEMME GET SOME HEALING SPAGHETTI-” You cringed at the thought of him pouring spaghetti on you while you mentally screamed in agony. Hair was stuck in your mouth, so you spat it out grossly.

Dear God… I’m about to fall victim to a pasta avalanche. Papyrus came out from the kitchen, and held your breakfast up in the air. He had a fork clutched in the other glove, and you widened your eyes. “HERE YOU GO! THIS SHOULD FIX YOU RIGHT UP!” He fret, and you wrapped your hands around your head, preparing for the attack. Just as you could hear the fork scratching against the plate, a voice called out from above the stairway.

“woah, woah, woah! paps, what are you doing?!

                                          (About a half hour earlier…)

Sans opened his eye sockets slowly and took in a deep breath from his nasal cavity. A distant noise had disrupted him from his slumber, and it annoyed him greatly. He glared at the clock on his desk across the room, and growled. 9:34. seriously? this is probably the earliest i’ve woken up in a long time. He sat up on his mattress, and cracked his bones tiredly. The loud vibrations bouncing off his door continued, and it almost sounded like...laughter.

Not bothering to get dressed, Sans slipped on his slippers and passed his treadmill. Santa had gotten it for him as a Christmas present a couple of months ago, or whenever the first reset was. He rest a hand on the doorknob, and ignored the dog flying around in his self-sustaining tornado.

The noise was indeed laughter, he confirmed, but it sounded nothing like his brother’s. It was a little deeper, but not much. It made Sans’ hand tremble on the brass, from either anxiety or nerves. The door creaked open, and the noise stopped. He yawned, and scratched his sternum. An emptiness grew inside his ribs at the void of the sudden laughter that made his pulse rise quickly.

He peered over the stairwell, and smiled when he saw Papyrus messing around with someone. Sans squinted, and realized it was (Y/N). He remembered everything that happened the day before, and was shocked how Frisk still hadn’t reset yet. It’d been a few days since the kid moved back in with Toriel, and befriended all the monsters Underground.

A weight fell upon his shoulders from all the information he now has to deal with and try to comprehend that was given to him from the new human yesterday. His grin fell into a frown, and he shut his eyes. (y/n) said that our entire world is a videogame. got it. she also mentioned that she practically knows everything, except for this timeline. she apparently has a very unique soul; one that does not remain the same color or dominant personality trait.

He rubbed his temples frustratingly, but relaxed when he heard Papyrus say something about “breakfast”. Sans opened his eye sockets just as (Y/N) collided with the top part of the doorway to the kitchen; he practically jumped a foot into the air from shock. Sans winced as she hit the ground with an “oomph!”, and curled up into a ball. He waited to see if Papyrus would check for any injuries, pick her up and lay her on the green couch on which she slept, or perhaps even take her hand and-

“OH MY GOD!! DEAR (Nickname), ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! I AM SO SORRY!! HOLD ON, LEMME GET SOME HEALING SPAGHETTI-” Papyrus nearly shrieked, and ran into the room beside him. Sans just watched in confusion from his brother’s choice of action, but made no move to teleport by (Y/N) to make sure she was okay.

However, when he saw how Papyrus was about to dump some “healing spaghetti” onto the wounded human, Sans decided to intervene. “woah, woah, woah! paps, what are you doing?!” Sans shouted, but not so loud that Papyrus would think that he was angry at him again. Sans ran down the stairs, and slid across the carpet next to (Y/N).

He held his hands up in the air, ready to flip the girl and look her over. “I-I WAS JUST PLAYING WITH (Nickname) HERE AND SHE FELL OFF MY SHOULDERS! I THOUGHT THAT SINCE THE PASTA TASTED REALLY GOOD, IT WOULD HEAL HER TOO-” Papyrus stammered, freaking out a little at (Y/N)’s almost unconscious body. Sans grabbed her bicep gently and tugged to see her face.

She laid still, but was groaning under her breath at the welt that was sure to appear on her forehead. Sans sucked in a breath through his teeth upon seeing a large bruise already starting to form above her right eyebrow, and forced himself to remain calm when blood seeped out of the left gash. “paps, use your magic on her.” Sans commanded tenderly, and Papyrus kneeled down across from Sans quickly.

“WHAT SPELL?” He asked, and Sans tripped over his own words. “i-i dunno; the one you used when i broke my finger the other day.” Papyrus nodded, and waved his hands just above her big glasses. Sans wasn’t one for learning healing magic; all his life he was trained to use blue magic, the kinds of spells and summonings for attacks and destruction only.

Meanwhile, on the other hand, Paps was really good at treating illnesses and fixing things. There was no way his magic could rival Toriel’s; she was practically the master of all things medicine and curing. But while Tori was far away from most towns to help sick subjects, Papyrus was always there when someone needed him. He could run very fast, as his legs were practically four feet long, which was an attribute Sans did not have.

Sans was not meant for taking hits, as he had very little HP and a low attack stat, but that didn’t mean he was weak. In fact, Sans was probably the strongest and scariest monster there is in the Underground. He’s right up there next to Asriel Dreemur in his godly form; proving that whenever Chara possesses Frisk and goes through the Genocide route, it’s going to take an insane amount of time and skill in order to beat him.

Sans’ endurance in battle is amazing; most would think that the bigger and bulkier you are, the more of a chance that you’ll win in battle. At least, that’s what the Underground’s mindset was. This is why people always underestimated Sans; because he wasn’t bulky, and he most definitely wasn’t a big bad-ass Boss Monster with a huge reputation. If only people saw what his true capabilities were when he needed to dunk a certain demon wreaking havoc to all monsterkind.

Normally, Sans was a lazy skeleton who enjoyed ketchup and making puns all day. But when you take away his most valued and prized possession, you might as well just give up completely. Because that possession was Papyrus, the only family he has left and the only thing he has to live for whilst dealing with his depression.

After a few silent minutes of Papyrus working away and doing his thing, (Y/N)’s eyelids fluttered open. The blood on her face had evaporated into thin air, and the bruise on her forehead had disappeared back into her tan skin. She also noticed that the pain in her spine had gone away, too. Sans breathed a sigh of relief, and sat back onto his heels. Papyrus wiped the sweat beads that formed on his skull away, and looked down at (Y/N).

She groaned softly, and blinked when she saw the two skeletons above her. “What is it with you two making me hit my forehead on stuff?” She chuckled, and bringing a hand up to her hairline. When she brushed it back, Sans smiled at the genius joke that popped into his mind. “i guess papyrus was getting a little a-head of himself.” Sans smiled when his bro glared and reprimanded him.

“I SWEAR TO ASGORE SANS, IF YOU START WITH THAT NONSENSE I’M DISOWNING YOU.” Papyrus mumbled, and (Y/N) giggled. Sans was glad to see that she was already feeling better. “sorry, i didn’t mean to make that as-gorey as it came out. maybe a less bloody joke will help lighten the mood.” Sans chuckled deeply, and his ribs rattled softly. (Y/N) laughed a little louder, and Papyrus shot up immediately.

“THAT’S IT! YOU ARE NO LONGER RELATED TO ME.” Papyrus stormed out of the living room, taking the plate of spaghetti with him. Sans sighed happily, and turned his attention to the clock above the TV. 10:02. “wow, time sure does fly when you’re making puns.” Sans looked back down to (Y/N), who was trying to sit up.

When she let out a cry, Sans’ smile dropped. “hey, take it easy pal. i know paps’ magic is pretty awesome, but that doesn’t mean you should be making any sudden movements so soon.” She grinned sweetly, and nodded. “I thought the phrase was, ‘time flies when you’re having fun’?” Sans raised his non existent eyebrows, and thought to himself. He shrugged, and winked playfully at her.

“it is, but i don’t think that getting injured is much fun. unless to you it is, which i can respect. a bit masochistic, but i’ll accept it.” He said nonchalantly, and (Y/N) rolled her eyes back. “Touche.” She laughed again, and went quiet. She stared down at her clothes, then brought her attention back up to Sans.

“So…am I just gonna lay here until Papyrus’s magic settles, or…?” Her voice trailed off, and she bit her lip. The way she looked at that moment with her all messed up and long eyelashes batting slowly towards him made his soul jump unexpectedly. An idea came to his mind, and he thought it would work fine.

“nah. here, lemme help you over to the couch.” Sans leaned over, and curled his arms under (Y/N)’s back. She gulped, and let out a nervous yelp. Sans stood up, and she wrapped her arms around his neck like she had done to Papyrus’s scarf. “S-S-Sans!! What are you doing?!” Her face turned beet red, and the skeleton chuckled. His own cheekbones released a light blue tint, and his eye flared softly.

As he walked her over to the couch, Papyrus peeked from around the corner and saw what was happening. He saw both of their expressions, and smiled devilishly from his spot in the kitchen. He knew something had been off with Sans ever since (Y/N) arrived, and was sure to talk to him about it later in private.

FIRST

PREVIOUS

NEXT

Chapter Ten (Where all the chapters before that are.)

Chapter Twenty (Links for Chapters 11 –> 19)

Super Mom

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Epilogue

A/N: Yeah… I skipped a couple of months. Sorry. Hopefully you’ll like this part. Next one will be about the birth so we’ll see how Y/N and Bucky will handle all that. Also, I know I asked whether you want Bucky and Y/N getting married and whether you want the baby to be a boy or a girl, I’m going to write all that in the next part so you have to wait a while for the outcome. I’m sorry. Or am I…? Oh, and I’m going to post another imagine tomorrow, like promised. 

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Words: 2,737

Warning(s): pregnancy and the chaos that comes a long with it. seriously, Y/N is a whiny little baby in this so… be ready for that


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Girls Night Out - Reader Insert (You getting drugged at Oswald’s Club - he’s a gentleman)

Originally posted by young-foolish-dreamer

ok, I’m so sorry for my repost but tumblr killed off some of my stories :/

Warnings/TWs: harsh language, getting drugged by a stranger, attempted rape, blood, murder

Tagging: @mistressofcobblepot @amandajuly81 @thequeenofgothamxo

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[ Jared extended imagine ] VyRT.

Original imagine: Imagine: Jared doing a special VyRT violet session to officially introduce you as his girlfriend to the Echelon.

Author: A.Wölf.

{ Anon request }

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Are you doing a VyRT violet right now, Jared?

Jared looks at you with his eyes widened and turns around to face a cabinet and take out a mug.

-Uhh…yeah. How do you know?

-I’m psychic. Did I not mention it before? Well, I’m following you on twitter, dummy! You’ve been quite promoting it the whole day. –You say scrolling on your phone.

Jared pours coffee into the mug and hands it to you.

-In fact, I have to go set everything up for it.

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The Evolution of Bones McCoy’s Hair

‘I wet my fingers to comb it into place in the bathroom of the bar I passed out in because I’m joining Starfleet and don’t have a brush and need to look respectable oh my GOD I’m joining Starfleet what the fuck me’

‘I’m technically Starfleet personnel and a DOCTOR goddammit it I must look neat and tidy even if I am filled with Southern Rage™’

‘Okay it’s too much effort to deal with this hair I’m cutting it off that’ll make it easier to deal with’

‘Single and Ready To Mingle (and fuck with the Vulcan whom I love very dearly at least partially because Stockholm’s)’

‘I keep running my hands through my hair because Stress™ dear God why do I put product in my hair it just makes my fingers sticky and I need them CLEAN for my JOB’

‘Nobody’s gonna see me but Jim and Friends™ they’re all a mess something will probably explode and then I’ll be stressed but also need to fix them so I can’t have mousse on my fingers also they’ve all collectively seen me worse I don’t even care anymore’

SENTENCE STARTERS: THE PROPOSAL (2009)

“I used to dream about you getting hit by a cab.”
“Things changed when we kissed.”
“So [NAME], marry me, because I’d like to date you.”
“I am not getting in that boat!”
“You know I can’t swim!”
“Why are you panting?”
“We’ll tell my family about our engagement when I want and how I want.”
“Now, ask me nicely.”
“You heard me. On your knee.”
“Say it like you mean it.”
“I don’t appreciate the sarcasm, but I’ll do it.”
“I have never farted in front of him. Nor will I ever fart in front of him.”
“We were in the middle of talking about you… for the last three years.”
“This bickering Bickerson thing has got to stop. People need to think that we are in love.”
“That’s no problem. I can do that. I can pretend to be the doting fiance. That’s easy. But for you, that’s going to require that you stop snacking on children while they dream.”
“If you touch my ass one more time I will cut your balls off in your sleep, okay?”
“That’s not exactly how it happened.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way…. you are a very, very beautiful woman.”
“What do you want me to tell you, s/he’s making me work late again.”
“Was that your family?”
“I’m not rich. My parents are rich.”
“Am I the only one not getting this?”
“Oh my God, what is that?”
“I’m sorry… it’s morning!” 
“What do you mean it’s morning?”
“You can tell she’s a good dancer by the way she drinks her soda pop.”
“I mean, I wouldn’t possibly drink the same coffee that you drink just in case yours spilled, that would be pathetic.”
“Where are your breasts, dear?”
“Hand off ass.”
“Why are you WET?”
“Why are you NAKED?”
“We love to snuggle. Don’t we honey?”
“I’m sorry for feeding you to the eagle!”
“I want you to have it.”
“Why aren’t you taking notes?” 
“I’m sorry, were you not in that room?” 
“Oh, oh, the thing you said about being promoted? Genius, genius. He completely fell for it.”
“If you ever grab my ass again. I will kill you!”
“I always get my man. I’m that good.”

Love Saves Lives

Title: Love Saves Lives

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 1,349

Warning: Adult joke ‘don’t do the do’, near death experience, light swears(idk not really), major health scare

Requests: First fic, so I wrote something I’ve always wanted to request.

A/N: I’m a major Sam girl, and I hope you readers enjoy this fic!! If there is any mistakes, just tell me and I’ll correct them ASAP. 


Originally posted by universexy

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2

Warning: Deans POV throughout the whole story __________________________________________

One of Dean Winchester favorite things to do in the morning was waking up to the love his life. He always adored how her hair fell perfectly against her face, how the sunshine grazed over and she was his. That morning was one the bests.

After a long hunt, he finally got to have a good night sleep, the night before. He slept peacefully in the bed, with (Y/N) curled up against him. When he awoke that morning, Dean saw his girlfriend supporting her head on her hand, while her elbow was planted on the pillow.

“Hey Handsome.” (Y/N) smiled.

“Good morning Beautiful.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and gave a peck on the nose.

(Y/N) chuckled and leaned in to give Dean a kiss. Dean instantly responded and kiss her back with more fierce. He rolled over and straddled (Y/N) hips, slightly grinding against her. She wrapped her arms around Dean’s neck and rubbed his blonde locks. He nibbled on the bottom of her lip, asking for entrance. She parted her lips and their tongues fighting for dominance. Dean grunted into the kiss as (Y/N) bucked her hips into Dean’s. They were getting somewhere before they were interrupted by the younger Winchester.

“Woah, did not need to see that. If you guys are both done sucking your faces off, there is a diner down the road if you guys want breakfast. Unless you guys just want to eat each other..” Sam muttered the last part.

Sam closed the door and and (Y/N) laughed underneath Dean. He eyed her and wiggled his eyebrows.

“We’ll finish that later tonight.” He smirked.

“I’m counting on it Winchester.” (Y/N) replied.

(Y/N) got out beneath Dean and went into the bathroom. Dean followed after her and showered with her.

“Shower sex?”

“Shut it Dean, I will not have your brother waiting any more.” (Y/N) said while washing the shampoo out of her hair.

“Please?~” He purred into (Y/N)’s ear and pulled her waist against his own.

“You’re a sex-crazed idiot, ya know?” (Y/N) said jokingly.

“But I’m your sex-crazed idiot.” He chuckled and kissed the side of her neck.

(Y/N) chuckled. “Fine.” She turned around, lust in her eyes. She leaned towards him, their lips only centimeters apart.

“How about ..” She trailed off as she looked down at his lips and traced his chest with her finger lightly, leaving a hot trail against Dean’s skin.

“A no!” And pulled and went back under the warm water.

Dean through his head back and groaned, knowing he wouldn’t get anything this time. He washed his hair after you and both got out together. Both (Y/N) and Dean got dressed and went out the door together. Sammy was in the room next door and (Y/N) knocked on his door. The 3 of them went down to the diner and sat down in a booth.

Dean looked up and pointed to a special on the wall.

“Hey, Tuesday. Pig N’ A Poke.”

(Y/N) chuckled and they all ordered their food. Sam explained what the hunt was about and the disappearances that were happening in town. Dean had a bad feeling about his hunt, but set that feeling aside. He had to save somebody’s life here, if they weren’t already dead.

At night they snuck into the place where the victim was last seen. Everybody took a corner of the small room they were in to check out and see if there was anything at all. Dean heard a voice shout out.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” The stranger said.

Dean, Sam, and (Y/N) all responded quickly and pointed their gun and flashlight to the un-recognized voice.
Dean automatically glanced at the gun pointed at (Y/N), in the strangers hands.

“Woah woah woah woah, we don’t want any trouble. We’re trying to help.” (Y/N) pleaded.

“Are you robbing me?!” The stranger yelled and took a step forward.

“No! Calm down, we’re not trying to rob you!” Sam tried to calm the man down.

“I’m just going to put my gun down, ok?” (Y/N) calmly said.

That’s when it happened. A gun shot. Dean’s blood ran cold. His lungs couldn’t function, it felt like water was filling his lungs.

Her body fell limp on the ground, and the sound of impact of her body shook Dean out of his trance. He ran over to her and slid onto his knees.

“(Y-Y/N)? B-Baby? You’re going to be ok, okay? You’re going to be alright. Sammy call 911 right now! O-Oh God, you’re going to be alright ok? Stay with me, please.” He lifted her head into his lap. Dean felt pools of tears running down his face already.

“D-Dean? I’m scared.” (Y/N) sobbed.

“N-N-No. Don’t talk like that Babe, you’re going to be ok. You’ll be able to walk this one off, just fine. You always do!” He sobbed more.

(Y/N) smiled weakly. “Oh Honey, I’m already losing too much blood. You know I-I’m dying.” She reached her hand up and touched his cheek.

Dean leaned into (Y/N)’s touch and grabbed her hand.

“D-Don’t you dare talk like that, you keep on f-fighting!” He couldn’t stop the tears and the sobs escaping his throat.

“I-I love you so damn much Dean. I-I’m so sorry I can’t m-marry you, or have children with you, or grow old w-with you.” (Y/N) sobbed knowing she can’t spend it with him.

“Oh god, no. T-The ambulance is going to come and p-patch you right up, ok babe?” Dean squeezed her hand tightly.

(Y/N)’s breath began to become choppy. She struggled to breathe.

“H-Hey D-Dean? C-Can you sing m-me a song?” She smiled weakly.

“S-Sure, anything for you D-Darling.” He choked on his sobs.

“You are my sunshine my only sunshine.”

Oh god why did it have to be her. Please, dear god, just take me.

“You make me happy, when skies are grey.”

No, she doesn’t deserve this damnit. She deserves the world. She is pure light in my darkness. My saving grace. What am I supposed to do without her? How am I supposed to live? She saved me from drowning. She helped me from my demons. She made me see the good in people. She helped me find love, damnit she’s the love of my life. Please god, don’t let her go just yet.

“Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

God no please, take me. Take me. Take me. Not her. You can beat me, kill me, steal my soul, hurt me, but please. Just don’t touch her.

“Please don’t take my sunshine away..”

Dean sobbing into (Y/N)’s shoulder and rocked back and forth, knowing, he would never get to see his sunshine again. ___________________________________________

Dean opened his eyes instantly and awoke to (Y/N) laying there. God, she was perfect. His breath hitched and she was just laying there, like nothing ever happened.

“Hey Handsome.” She smirked.

He instantly rolled over and grabbed (Y/N)’s face in between his hands and gave her a passionate kiss. He gave all the emotions he witnessed in such a few, short minutes and passed them into the kiss. He pulled back and looked back into (Y/N)’s eyes and hugged her. He started sobbing into her shoulder.

“Shhhh it’s ok babe, it’s ok.” She stroked his hair as he cried.

“B-But you d-died. Oh my god, I’m so glad y-your not dead. I love you so m-much.” He hiccuped.

“It’s ok, you’re ok. We’re on a hunt in Mystery spot. It’s Tuesday. You just had a bad dream, it’s ok babe. I love you too much to leave you.” (Y/N) smiled.

He sniffled, “I hope I don’t get that dream again..”

She stroked his hair again, “I doubt it, if you do just tell me, ok babe?”

“Of course.” He smiled and gave leaned in for a kiss on the lips, as Sam walked in.

“Woah, did not need to see that. If you guys are both done sucking your faces off, there is a diner down the road if you guys want breakfast. Unless you guys just want to eat each other..” Sam muttered the last part.

Dean eyes widened as he heard that. His breath stopped. Maybe it’s nothing.. Maybe he’s having Déjà Vu. If only he knew what was coming for him.

Once in a Lifetime: Chapter 5

Once in a Lifetime: A Harry Styles AU Imagine Series

[masterlist]

Hello my lovely readers! Here’s the fifth chapter! I hope you enjoy! PLEASE let me know what you think! :]

Chapter 5: Sacrifices

Say Something (Cover) by Pentatonix

January 2011: Holmes Chapel

Dear Y/N,

On behalf of Harvard University’s School of Science, we are pleased to inform you of your early acceptance for the Fall of 2011. We commend you on your credentials that have made you eligible for early admissions. I am confident that you will receive the best education in our Pre-Medicine program, which is taught by a very successful and highly recommended faculty.

We understand that this is an exciting time for you, transitioning from high school to college at such a young age and we will help you in any way we can.

If you choose to accept your early admission, please contact us as soon as possible so we can start your registration and begin your admissions process before the semester starts in August.

Upon completing your under graduate degree, you will be at the highest priority to apply to our Medical Program for your Masters and Ph.D, if you wish to do so.

Do not hesitate to call us if you have any questions or concerns.

Again, congratulations on your admission and I wish you the very best success in your education while at Harvard University’s College of Science, Pre-Medicine Program.

Sincerly,

Donald H. Pfister, Dean of Harvard.

- - - - -

Your POV

I was standing in the middle of the foyer of my house as I stared at my letter of acceptance from Harvard. I was shaking and then I started crying. 

I got in. I got into my dream school.

My hand cupped my mouth as I started screaming from the overwhelming happiness.

“Y/N?” I heard my father’s voice as I looked up to see him coming down the stairs, my eyes were blurry.

“Y/N? Sweetheart what’s wrong?” My mother was close behind him, both rushing down the stairs.

“I… got… in…” I wrapped my arms around my father. He took the letter from my hand and quickly skimmed it with my mother at his side, who was rubbing my back.

“I am so proud of you Y/N!” My mother held out her arms and I crashed into her embrace.

“I knew you could do it Y/N.” My father proudly looked at me.

“Harry! I need to go tell Harry!” I wiped the tears from my face as I pulled out of my mother’s embrace and took the letter out of my father’s hand.

“Why? Y/N stay here we need to celebrate!” My mother exclaimed.

“Can we celebrate with Harry and Anne? Please?!” I couldn’t stop crying.

“Why? Why are they so important to you?” My father looked at me with his eyebrows raised.

I groaned, there’s no point in lying anymore.

“Because Harry’s my boyfriend and I want him to know okay?! I’ll be home later!” I yanked the door open and bolted down out of the house and across the field, leaving my parents in complete shock as they both watched me run down the road.

On Harry’s days off from work, he would come home from school and take a quick nap before we hung out. 

I knocked continuously until a very sleepy Harry opened the door, “Y/N what the heck?” 

“I got in! I got into Harvard!” I held up my acceptance letter in his face.

Harry’s eyes adjusted as he read the first line of the piece of paper in my hand and then swooped me into his arms as I wrapped my legs around his waist and cried into his shoulder.

“Oh my god! Congratulations! I knew you could do it! Holy shit! I am so proud of you baby!” He stumbled a bit and then brought me into his house where Anne had just emerged from the kitchen.

“Hello dear! What’s going on?” She smiled at us, shocked at what she was looking at.

“Y/N! She got into Harvard mum!!!” Harry exclaimed as he put me down on the ground.

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” Anne stride towards me and wrapped me in her arms, “Congratulations! I am so so so proud of you!” 

She kissed my cheeks and wiped my tears as she started crying.

“Oh my god! I have to cook you a celebratory dinner!” Anne quickly grabbed her purse, “What do you want to eat? I’ll make you anything you want Y/N!” 

“No! Please! You don’t have to do that! Why don’t you and Harry come over for dinner with my family tonight?! I already told my parents that I want you two to be there!” I said as Harry pulled me into his arms for another hug.

“Okay! That sounds good to me but I still have to bring a dish, I have to go to the store… I know what I want to make! I’ll be back in an hour!” Anne wiped her tears as she made her way out the door.

“Thank you Anne! I love you!” I waved as she got into her car.

“I love you too darling! I am so proud of you!” She hollered then blew me a kiss before she jumped in her car.

Harry closed the door behind him and pulled me into his arms, passionately kissing me.

Thirty minutes later, we both laid naked in his bed, trying to regain control of our breathing.

“I am so… proud… of you.” Harry wrapped his arm around me, kissing my forehead.

“Thank you…” I kissed his chest.

“I love you, so much. Did you know that?” Harry looked into my eyes.

“I love you too Harry.” I lightly kissed his lips before I climbed out of bed and cleaned myself up before Anne came home.

Dinner with my parents, Anne, and Harry went more smoothly than I thought it would. I thought my dad would be pissed that I hid my relationship with Harry from him for so long, but he actually wasn’t. 

My parents were really nice to Anne and Harry, welcoming them. My dad, thankfully, didn’t give Harry any trouble that evening. I suppose he was very happy and excited that I got into Harvard, so he decided to cut Harry some slack. 

- - - - -

May 2020: New York City (Present Day)

Your POV

Damn. Another migraine.

I popped a Maxalt in my mouth, a prescription for my migraines, as I washed it down with cold water. They were getting worse every couple of weeks.

I took a deep breathe and grabbed my patient’s chart and listened to a run through of everything the nurse had found out before she had called me. After I got the report, I knocked on the door of room 318.

“Come in!” I heard a little girl’s voice on the other side of the door.

I opened up to see a very beautiful 6 year old girl sitting on her bed playing with lego blocks as her mother sat in the bed to her, whom stood up as I closed the door to their room.

“Hi there, I’m Dr. Y/L/N. I’ll be the doctor in charge of Samantha’s case.” I introduced myself as I shook the mother’s hand.

“Hi, you must be Samantha!” I squatted down next to the bed and shook her tiny hands.

After I examined Samantha, I ordered a few tests and then went on to check on one of my other patients that I have been treating for three months.

“Hey Rick! How are you feeling today?” Rick was a 16 year old student here in New York. He was very smart, he reminded me a lot of myself as a kid. His dream was to go to Harvard, like I did.

“Not so great… I keep throwing up.” He laid in bed clutching his stomach.

“I’m sorry kid, it’s just the side affects of chemotherapy.” I picked up his chart and read his latest test results.

“Yeah…. I know… you don’t have to tell me…” He groaned.

Rick was suffering from Leukemia, cancer of the blood cells, and we all decided that chemotherapy was the best route for him to take. Chemotherapy is a drug treatment that uses chemicals to the kill the leukemia cells.

“You’re doing great Rick. I promise I’m going to help you fight this okay?” I placed my hand on his shoulder.

“You’re the best Dr. Y/L/N.” He weakly smiled at me.

I made rounds and check on my other patients for a few more hours before I went back into my office.

I loved my job. 

Absolutely loved working with children along side one of my best friends. Although it was tough since I have lost patients throughout the last two years, but when you specialize in cancer, you have to mentally prepare yourself for the worst.

I opened my drawer in my desk to grab another tablet for my migraine. They were becoming more frequent and it was annoying. Maybe I should switch my medication.

I tossed the small orange pill container back in my drawer and it landed on a picture frame that was in there. I picked it up and smiled, it was a picture of Harry and I just before I turned sixteen and just got accepted into Harvard. I kept it all these years because despite what happened between us, Harry believing in me all those years ago is what helped me get through medical school when I wanted to give up and even now when I get too stressed out from time to time.

I still missed him. 

A part of me still loved him despite what happened.

My vision blurred as I thought back to the day when everything changed.

- - - - - 

June 2011: Holmes Chapel

Harry’s POV

Today was the day Y/N was graduating from high school. I was so incredibly proud of her. Gemma had came home from college for summer break and she was glad that she was able to see Y/N walk across the stage. I ordered her two dozen red and pink roses weeks ago and picked it up on the way to the ceremony with my mum and Gemma.

Gemma had sneaked in a fog horn which she was planning to reek havoc when Y/N’s name was called.

After her ceremony, her parents had thrown her a huge party, renting out the Woodshire Golf Club and inviting their friends, family and coworkers.

Y/N proudly held my hand and walked around introducing me to everyone as they congratulated her on her acceptance into Harvard.

I don’t know how many times I could say it but god, I am so in love with her. 

She is amazing and I could not have been more proud to call her my girlfriend. I watched as she laughed along with other classmates as they joked around. She winked at me from cross the crowd and I waved at her as I walked around the courtyard with Gemma.

“Harry?” I heard a deep voice say my name and turned around to see Y/N’s father standing behind me.

“Yes sir?” I cleared my throat.

“Could I speak to you in private for a moment?” He smiled as he looked at Gemma and I.

“Yes of course.” I nodded at Gemma, telling her to go to party, then followed Y/N’s father as he walked further away from the crowd.

- - - - -

July 2011: Holmes Chapel 

Harry’s POV

“Y/N. I don’t want this anymore.” I finally said as we both stood under our tree.

“What? What are you talking about?” She looked up at me with confusion.

“Us. We can’t do this.” I felt my heart breaking with each word that came out of my mouth. I had to keep it together. I had to be strong and do this.

“Are you- Harry are you breaking up with me?” I saw tears starting to form in her eyes, “Is this why you’ve been so distant all month?”

“Yes.” I inhaled, “We aren’t going to work. Think about it. You’re going to be all the way in Boston, while I’m here in Cheshire, do you really think the distance won’t get to us?” 

I couldn’t look at her, I just looked down at the ground.

She cried, “No, I’ll stay here! I can stay here! I got into Oxford and we can-”

“No, don’t do that. That’s stupid! Harvard’s your dream school, why the hell would you go to Oxford?” I spat as I tried to be cold to her.

“To be closer to you Harry…” I heard her voice breaking as she touched my arm.

God damn it. I clenched my fist and jerked away.

“No. Don’t do that. That’s absurd. Go to Harvard, don’t stay here.” I walked past her, I couldn’t stand to see her cry.

Every single part of me wanted to break down as I felt my heart shattering. I was giving up on her and it was killing me inside. 

“Harry!” She called out to me but I kept walking as I felt tears coming to my eyes. I fought them back, refusing to let them fall as I felt the inside of my body weaken.

“HARRY EDWARD STYLES!” She screamed and I halted.

She jogged up from behind and stood in front of me: eyes red, tears staining her face and my shirt that she was wearing.

“You’re lying to me. I know you. Why are you lying to me?” She sobbed.

I clenched my teeth, “I’m NOT lying,” I growled.

“Where is this coming from?! We’ve been together a year and half and everything was GREAT and then all of a sudden you want to break up? You said we were going to make it! You said we were going to make it work!” She ran her fingers through her hair.

“I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be! I wasn’t thinking it through when I said it! I just don’t see any point in us continuing to be together when you’re moving to the States in two weeks.” I shook my head.

“I can stay here! I’ll go to school here!” She reached out for my hand but I quickly stepped back, not wanting to feel her touch me.

“No! There’s nothing for you here! Go to Boston!”

“You’re here!” She cried and I couldn’t take it anymore.

She wasn’t listening to me.

I was frustrated so I finally just shouted, “NO! DON’T YOU GET? I DON’T WANT YOU ANYMORE Y/N!”

Your POV

My entire body went completely numb when I heard the words come out of Harry’s mouth.

I couldn’t even speak as I stared at him with wide eyes, my vision blurring.

“I don’t want to be with you anymore! I don’t want to try! I don’t want any of this with you anymore! It’s over!” Harry continued and I just listened. I felt my heart shatter underneath my ribcage as each word came out of his mouth.

I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. 

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t do anything.

I couldn’t control my tears, they just starting pouring out of me.

I don’t understand. What happened? What did I do? Why is this happening? 

“I thought you loved me.” I choked.

“I did.” I saw him swallow a lump in his throat.

I felt my heart dropped to the ground.

“You don’t love me anymore?” I whispered.

Harry inhaled, “Look Y/N, if I don’t end up going to Ferrandi and that’s only if I have the money, then I’ll just be here, stuck in Cheshire for the rest of my life. You don’t need me weighing you down.”

“I don’t understand Harry…”

“Okay fine! I don’t love you anymore, is that what you want to hear?” He sputtered and with that I lost all control.

“I. Don’t. Love. You. Anymore.” He said slowly this time.

I fell on my knees and broke down. A lump formed in my throat as I sobbed. I could literally feel my heart breaking as Harry’s words rung in my ears. I shut my eyes and my covered my face with my hands.

I felt a hole in my chest starting to form. 

Harry knelt down in front of me, “I’m sorry Y/N. I’m sorry that we even started this in the first place, we should’ve just stayed friends. Good luck in Boston, okay? I know you’re going to be a great doctor.” He apologized before he stood up.

Now he regrets being with me? He just regrets what we had?

“No!” I stumbled as I tried to stand on my own two feet and spun around.

“Good luck in Boston? Are you fucking kidding me Harry?! That’s ridiculous! You’re giving up on us before we even had a chance to try! What the hell happened?!” I held my hand to my chest trying to breathe.

“I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore.” He slowly said, “I don’t love you anymore. I’m sorry.”

I couldn’t handle it anymore. 

I couldn’t listen to him say he didn’t love one more time, it hurt way too much.

I ran past him and back to my house.

I raced upstairs into my room and slam the door behind me. 

I slid down against the door to the floor and sobbed until I had no more tears left inside me.

- - - - - 

August 2011: Boston, Massachusetts

Your POV

I left Cheshire the first week of August. 

Harry refused to see me. He didn’t even want to say goodbye. He told Anne to tell me to goodbye for him. Even she didn’t understand what was going on with him and neither did Gemma.

He didn’t even have the decency to properly send me off.

What a jerk.

11 years. 

11 years we were friends and in each other’s lives and he can just easily walk away and give up on me like that? 

I thought he loved me. He was my best friend.

I thought he wanted a life with me.

I replayed the conversations in my head about all the plans we made together. Me going to Harvard for school, Harry joining me after he finished culinary school in France and worked here in Boston until I finished up with medical school. Then he would open up his own bakery after I became a doctor.

Us buying a house here in the States and one in Cheshire.

Us having kids. He wanted two and I wanted three or four, we always argued over the number of kids we were going to have.

He can just forget everything just like that? 

He can just forget all the plans we made?

“Harry doesn’t want to be with you anymore.”

“Harry gave up on us.”

“Harry was done.”

“Harry doesn’t love you anymore.”

I repeated those sentences in my head and out loud every night as I cried myself to sleep for the next couple of months.

- - - - -

September 2011: Holmes Chapel

Harry’s POV

I was a complete fucking mess after I broke up with Y/N.

I didn’t want to be around any one. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I hated myself so much for breaking her heart. 

I felt so dead and empty inside. I let her go. 

I didn’t fight for her.

“Harry?” I heard my mum call my name.

“I’m sleeping.” I mumbled as I laid face down in my bed.

“There’s a letter here for you, from Y/N.” She walked into my room and sat on the bed next to me and I turned my face towards her.

She placed the letter on my bedside table.

“I don’t know what happened between you two but when you’re ready to talk to me, I’m here… just know that I love you Harry… and I miss my baby’s smile and laugh.” She lightly rubbed my back.

I turned my face away from her “I love you too mum,” I felt tears surfacing again.

I’ve cried almost every day since I broke up with her in July. It’s been two months since that day and a little over a month since she left. I thought that after she left, I would just be able to get over her, but I was so wrong, it hurt like fucking hell to know that I would never see her again. 

I would forget how to breathe at times because it hurt so much.

After my mum left my room, I stared at the letter for an hour before I finally reached over and grabbed it.

I looked at her hand writing across the front of the envelope then slowly opened it.

Dear Harry,
Thanks for being my best friend for the past 11 years.
If I never met you, I would have never known what a perfect cupcake tasted like. If I never met you, I would have never learned how to bake or cook all those amazing dishes you spent hours teaching me.
You taught me that it was okay to be myself, that I should always look at the bright side of every situation. 
You taught me the true meaning of friendship and how to believe in myself. You taught me that it was okay to be myself no matter who didn’t like me. You knew me better than I knew myself… and I thought I knew you too. I would like to think I did. 
You made me happier than anyone else did and I will never forget that. 
You taught me how to love. You taught me that it was okay to give someone my heart and be vulnerable. Loving you was such an incredible thing to experience and I will never forget it. I will never forget you.
Thank you for loving me.
I may never understand what happened and I guess I’m okay with that now. I can’t force you to love me and be with me if you honestly don’t feel the same way anymore.
I know you’re going to be an incredible pastry chef one day, I have always believed in you. Don’t give up on your dreams okay?
All the love,
Your best friend.

That night I cried myself to sleep, hating myself more than anything.

I never wanted to break up with her. I loved her more than I loved myself.

I let her go.

I let my best friend go.

I let the love of my life go.

And I will never ever forgive myself.

Flashback to June 2011: Holmes Chapel (Y/N’s Graduation)

“How much do you love my daughter Harry?” Her father asked me as we stood under a large oak tree that was planted on the side of the courtyard, away from the crowd.

“I love her with everything I have, sir. Always have and always will.”

“Did you know that she also applied to Oxford?”

“What? No.” I looked up at him.

“Well she’s debating on giving up her dream school so she could go to uni here.” Her dad looked out up at the crowd.

“What? Why would she give up Harvard? She’s been wanting to go there since she was six.” I was really confused. Y/N had never once mentioned another uni besides Harvard.

“Oxford was her back up plan if she didn’t get into Harvard, but who are we kidding? Of course she was going to get in.” He nodded.

“Yeah of course, but I still don’t understand sir.”

“She’s debating on giving it up for you.” He looked at me dead in the eyes, “She wants to give up Harvard to be closer to you. There’s a pros and cons list in her planner… Oxford is only 3 hours from here.”

My eyes widened. I had no idea that Y/N even thought about giving up Harvard for me.

“Are you… serious?” I exhaled.

“Harry. You need to break up with her.”

“Wh-what?” I felt a lump form in my throat as my stomach dropped.

“She’s only even contemplating on Oxford because of you. And trust me when I say this, you do not want her to stay here for you. She will regret her decision and one day resent you if you two don’t work out. You both are only 16, anything can happen.”

I felt my body go completely numb as I watched Y/N laugh and talk to her friends across the courtyard.

I didn’t want her to do that, I didn’t want her to give up her dreams. Not for me, no way.

“Harry, I hate to do this. But if she chooses to say here and go to Oxford, I refuse to pay for her tution and you know that without my money, she has nothing.” He sternly said, “You’re the only reason she has to stay here and you need to end it so she can go off and be the doctor she has always dreamed of being.”

He was right. 

I felt my heart breaking. I felt tears sting my eyes as I saw my best friend smile at me.

She was everything to me. She was my soul mate.

She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I felt everything around me crumbling as I knew what I had to do.

“Okay, I’ll break up with her.”

- - - - -

January 2012: Holmes Chapel

Dear Harry,

Congratulations! On behalf of the faculty and staff at Ferrandi, the French School of Culinary Arts in Paris, it is with our great pleasure to inform you of your acceptance into our French-cuisine and French-pastry baking program.

You have been selected upon carefully reviewing your interview and application, being one of the 100 students, out of the thousand that have applied for our Fall of 2012 program.

We are also pleased to offer you a full-ride scholarship if you choose to accept your admission; we will do everything we can to help you excel as a chef and teach you as much as we can while you are here.

We hope to see you in August.

Please let us know if you have any questions or need any help. We will be be more than happy to get you situated as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Chef Grégoire-Ferrandi

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It took me a long time to write this chapter because break up scenes are so sad. 

Message me! Let me know what you think! 

<3 M

How You Kiss

Luke: I feel like when you’re kissing Luke, he would wrap both of his arms around you and hold you close and his lip-piercing would feel cold against your skin and dear god what am I doing to myself.

Calum: While kissing, Calum would probably put both of his hands on your butt because that’s just the cheeky boy he is. He would kiss every part of your face, not just your lips.

Michael: Michael would most likely be running his fingers through your hair while you kissed and he would make sure that you knew that he loved you throughout the…process? Yeah.

Ashton: Oh my lord Ashton would put both of his hands on the side of your face to keep you as close to him as possible and he would just be very sweet, whispering your name against your lips and I need to stop right now because I am about to explode inside.

Chapter 1.

Song for this chapter:

Breakeven (acoustic cover) by Boyce Avenue

“I’m still alive but I’m barley breathing.”

★☆★

 ”Vivian?” A voice says. My head snaps up, and Luke Hemmings stands in front of me. I quickly wipe the tears from my cheeks, and scramble to my feet. 

“What?” I ask, sniffling,  looking anywhere but him.

“Are you okay?” The genuine sound in his voice makes me feel bad about lying.

“Yeah, I’m fine." 

He scoffs, “You’re clearly not fine if you’re crying, hidden in the library.” 

His rude tone makes me snap my head up at him. His face doesn’t match the snarky words he used. Concern fills his features, which confuses me a little. We know each other, we’ve gone to school together our whole lives. I wouldn’t exactly classify us as friends though.

"I’m fine.” I send him my best glare. I grab my purse and walk past him, my mood even worse than it was before. 

“Vivian wait!” His voice calls. 

I roll my was and walk even faster. He catches up to me quickly, due to his extremely long legs. He grabs my arm, stopping me from walking. I yank my arm out of his grasp, but look up at him, waiting for him to speak.

“That didn’t come out right. I meant that there’s obviously something wrong, you don’t just go to the furthest corner of the library, that no one goes to, to cry. Usually you’d go there to make out, so no one catches you, you know?” He stumbles on his words awkwardly. 

I look up at him incredulously, “You think I come here to make out?” 

“Yeah! Wait, n-no!” His eyes widen and he shake his head vigorously.

I roll my eyes, “Goodbye.” 

I quickly walk away, ignoring him calling my name. I make my way to Julian’s locker. He stands there making out with his new fling of the week. I repress the feeling of needing to vomit, and tug on his shirtsleeve. I look around to see if Luke followed me. I don’t see any sign of his blonde quiff or lip ring, thankfully.

“What, Viv?” Julian says in an annoyed tone. 

I turn my head to my older brother, “I want to go home.”

He looks at me confused, I never want to go home. “Why?” 

“I don’t want to be here, and I don’t feel like going to Kenzie’s.” I shrug. 

I love Kenzie, she’s my best friend. I’m just not in the mood to fake smiles and discuss her boyfriend for the rest of the evening. Julian sighs and tells the girl to go get her things from her locker, and she listens obediently.

“What about mom?” He questions quietly. He knows that us two haven’t been getting along recently. 

“I don’t care. She’s probably passed out, or on her way there.” I mumble bitterly.

“C’mon Viv, she’s going through more than you are.” He looks at me, with the disapproving look on his face.

“That doesn’t give her an excuse to be a crappy mother, and get wasted every day.” I glare at him, pissed that he taking her side.

“In a way, in kind of does.” He shrugs.

“You know what, screw you. I’ll just walk home.” I turn on my heel, and stomp away. 

We only live a few blocks from the school, so I usually walk home, when Julian has plans for after school. I enjoy walking home, it gives time to be think, and be alone. It also means that I don’t have to be home as soon, and I don’t have to deal with my mother.

A downside of walking home, is that you can’t feel your face when winter rolls around. You also tend to slip on ice if you’re wearing the fashionable boots that give no protection from the cold that your stylish mother bought you. When you slip, almost every time you fall on your butt, and now you are even colder than before. It’s quite embarrassing. 

“Worlds best brother.” I mutter under my breath as I pull my coat tighter against my body. 

I continue to walk swiftly, but safely down the sidewalk. When I get to near my house, I start to slow down, not wanting to be home quite yet. 

“Vivian!” A deep voice calls, and I glance back, to see Luke running towards me. 

I continue walking, not wanting to talk to Luke again. 

“Vivian, wait!” He calls again. I walk faster, almost to my house.

“Vivian.” He says right behind me, I jump and turn around at the same time. With the combination of my panicked movements and the slick ice on the ground, I end up with my pants soaking wet. 

“Oh my god I am so sorry.” Luke sputters and reaches out, pulling me to my feet.

“What do you want.” I grit my teeth, and blink back the tears coming on. 

“Are you okay?” He asks for the second time today. 

I’m not sure if he meant because I just embarrassed myself, or because he caught me crying earlier. 

“I’m fine.” It comes out harsher than I intended, but I don’t care at the moment. I shrug his hand off my arm.

He sighs, “Look Vivian, I’m so-“

“Viv dear, who is this?” My mothers fake voice calls from our front door.

I hold back my anger towards my mother, and try to sound civilized in front of Luke, “No one.” 

I look up at Luke, to see hurt in his eyes. He quickly masks it with indifference.

“I have to go.” I mutter and turn away from Luke, walking to my mansion of a house. 

“Who was that Viv?” My mother asks as I step across the threshold. 

I ignore her, and head up to my room. 

“Vivian.” My mothers warning tone sounds.

I swiftly turn around halfway up the stairs.

“Why are you even awake?” I snark at her.

She’s taken aback for a moment, “Excuse me?” 

I shrug, “When I get home you’re usually passed out with a bottle of jack in your hand.” 

Her eyes widen, and she gapes at me, “Vivian I-I..” 

“Frankly I don’t care.” I turn around and start walking to my room. 

“Your brother has a basketball game tonight. We’re going as a family.” My mother calls up to me.
I scoff at the word ‘family’ but mentally groan. I hate going out with my family. I have to be fake, and actually interact with my parents. If I don’t, someone might suspect that our family is falling apart, and that can’t happen. 

I continue to my room, and slam the door shut once I’m in my haven. Letting a huge sigh slip out of my mouth, I collapse on my bed. I muffle my frustrated screams into my pillow.

Before I know it the tears are flowing again. I curl up into a ball, wrapping my arms around my legs. Small sobs emit from my lips, and I completely break down. 

I think of how Luke saw me crying in the library, and I become even more frustrated. I’ve been going there to be alone for years now, and out of the blue he pops up, catching me at my weakest. 
He even followed me home! Who even does that? Then he saw me fall on my butt. How many times am going to embarrass myself in front of him? 

Luke Hemmings is someone I haven’t spoken to very much. Sure we’ve been partnered up for assignments, or he needed a pencil, but we’re not friends. We stick to our friend groups, his being the friends, and mine the “populars.”

No, I’m not the most popular girl in school, who all the girls either hate or want to be. I’m the one that’s popular because my family is rich. 

In all honesty I don’t have any true friends. Even Kenzie uses me for my money. I pretend not to notice, or care, but in reality it gets to me. None of the friends I have would be friends with me if I didn’t have rich parents. 

So why did Luke care? We’ve never had a real conversation. There’s no reason for him to follow me home, and ask if I was okay: Unless he was trying to earn himself my friendship so he can use me too.

“What a jerk!” I exclaim to no one in particular.

“That giraffe thinks he can weasel himself into my life just because he saw me crying. What an inconsiderate jerk!”

By now I’m out of my bed, pacing back and forth across my large room. I angrily wipe away the tears from my face and continue ranting about Luke. Someone knocks on my door, and it slowly opens.

“Miss Vivian, are you alright? Sonya, our maid, who also cooks, and does anything we need really, asks in a soft, worried tone. 

I jump, then send her a false smile, “Yeah, I’m fine! I was just talking to myself..” I wince at how stupid I sound.

She smiles at me, and I can tell she’s holding back laughter, “If you say so. Your mother told me to inform you that your father will be home in two hours.” 

My smile drops, and I clench my jaw. I nod, “Thank you Sonya.” 

I say as sweetly as I can. She nods with a small frown on her face. Once she shuts my door behind her, I collapse on my bed again. I squeeze my eyes shut, and let a groan slip out of my mouth. 

After laying there for a few minutes, I decide to do something productive. I change into my pajamas, and get comfortable on my bed. I take out all of my homework, then start my study playlist and get to work. After all of my math homework, and half of my history, I look at the clock, to see that it’s nearly time for Julian’s basketball game. 

I sigh, and begin to get ready for the game. I change out of the pajama, and put on what I wore to school. My pants aren’t wet anymore, thankfully. I fix my makeup and hair, then slowly put my shoes back on, not wanting to go anywhere with my parents.

"Viv, it’s time to go!” Julian yells through my door. 

I reluctantly throw on my coat, and grab my purse and phone. I open my door, and see Julian in his uniform, twirling his keys around his finger. 

“If you want to ride with me, now’s your chance.” He states, and points to the kitchen door, where I can hear my mother shouting at my father, and my father shouting back. 

I nod, and hurry down the stairs to the garage. Once the house is out if sight, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. 

“Thanks.” I mutter quietly.

“Think of it as me saying sorry for earlier.” Julian shrugs, and turns on the radio.

No matter how horrible he is to me, he still protects me, even if it is from our parents. I’d like to say that we’re close siblings, but we’re not. Ever since I stopped talking to mom, Juilian has become distant. He is very defensive of our mother, and is always on her side. He hates our father just as much as I do, maybe even more. 

We pull up to the school, and Julian jumps out of the car, jogging to the gymnasium. I roll my eyes, this being typical of Juilian to leave me alone the second we get to the school. I slam the door shut once I’m out of the car, and make my way into the school. 

“Viv!" Kenzie’s screechy voice calls. 

I turn to where the sound came from, and see Kenzie walking arm in arm with Melissa Jones, another popular girl, who is extremely boy crazy, and extremely irritating.

I force a smile onto my lips, “Kenz, Melisssa, hi!” 

Neither of them notice my completely fake cheerful voice. Why would they, I’m completely mastered it. 

"Viv your brother looks so hot tonight!” Melissa jumps up and down. A shudder of disgust rolls down my spine, but don’t say anything.

"So does Ashton Irwin." Kenzie mumbles.

I grin at Kenzie, this time it being real. Ashton is a senior that Kenzie has been obsessed with for a while now. She constantly asks me about him, thinking that I’d know him because he’s on Julians team. I don’t know Ashton at all, other than now I remember seeing him hanging around with Luke, in that little friend group. 

"Come on, Becca’s saving us a spot.” Melissa drags Kenzie and I into the crowded gym. 

I quickly spot our friend group in the center of the student section. Once we’re all situated, I’m sitting next to Kenzie and Trent Walters. He’s a very attractive guy, but he’s way too handzy, and he’s tried to get with me one too many times. Even now, just past half time, he’s got his hand on my thigh. I don’t even bother to subtly move it, because I know that he won’t get the hint, and will eventually put it back there. 

 The score is tied by the fourth quarter. There’s only a few minutes left on the clock, and the boys are still giving it their all. The opposing team has the ball, and as a shorter player tries to pass it to another player, Ashton steals the ball. 

We all jump out of our seats screaming. Ashton swiftly dribbles down the court, and passes it to Julian. Julian shoots, and we all hold our breaths. As the ball goes through the net, the whole student section erupts in screams. We all run down to the court, forming a huge group around the team. 

Through the commotion, I lose Kenzie, and even Trent. Someone bumps into me, sending me flying forward. I grab onto the next person I can, to prevent myself from falling on my face. The person grabs my shoulders steadying me. 

“Thanks.” I say before looking up to see who caught me.

“You’re welcome.” his voice says, I snap my head up to see Luke Hemmings for the third time today.

I immediately loosen my grip on his t shirt, and take a step back. He’s arms fall from my shoulders, and to his sides. He opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted.

“Viv!" Kenzie screams, and grabs onto me, "Come on, we’re going to get victory ice cream with the team." 

She drags me out of the crowd, and I let her. For some reason I turn around, and see Luke with a small frown on his face. I turn back around as our eyes meet, and take control of my own footsteps. Melissa, Kenzie, and I all load into Kenzie’s car, and drive to the local ice cream parlor. Once we walk into the door, we’re met with loud shouts of obnoxious teen boys who are cocky because they won their basketball game, and teen girls fawning over those boys. Kenzie and Melissa turn into those girls once they see an empty spot next to Ashton and Julian. 

They race over to sit down before anyone else can. The only seat that is open, happens to be right next to Trent, and right across from Luke. I mentally groan, but put on a huge, but fake smile as I sit down next to Trent.

"You guys did great!” I exclaim to Julian and Ashton. 

Julian notices that something is up, and eyes me, but says thank you, as does Ashton.

“Yeah Julian that last shot was so amazing.” She places her arm on Julians bicep.

"It wouldn’t have happened if Ashton didn’t steal the ball from the other team!" Kenzie grins at Ashton, scooting closer to him.

Both boys smile politely, but look extremely uncomfortable. I bite my lip to hold back laughter towards my brother and his teammate. I feel an arm wrap around my shoulder, and I bite my lip even harder to keep myself from smacking Trent.

We order our ice cream, and make quiet conversation as we wait for it to be made. We all make quiet conversation, and keep making awkward eye contact with Luke. I can tell that he wants to talk to me, but I don’t want to talk to him.  I just worry that he might say something about me crying in front of everyone.  I have no idea how I’d get myself out of that one.

Thankfully he doesn’t say anything. He talks, but not to me, mainly just to Ashton. Luke fidgets in his seat, and he looks out of place in our group. Not that he isn’t good enough to be around us or anything, he just looks uncomfortable in the large group of people.

By the time we’re all finished with our ice cream, I’m extremely tired. My eyes start to droop, and I’m too exhausted to care about Trent’s hand getting closer and closer to my boob. 

"Alright, I think it’s time to go home. I would stay longer, but Viv here looks like she’s about to fall asleep.” Julian announces. 

I blink my eyes a few times to wake myself up more, “No I’m fine.” I yawn in the middle of my sentence, and the whole table laughs. 

I even see Luke smile a little, it was cute. 

I must really be tired if I thought that about Luke. 

“Yeah, okay. C’mon, lets go.” He gets up, and flings Trent’s arm off my shoulder. 

He holds out his hand for me, and I take it, allowing him to pull me out of my seat. I wave at everyone at the table, and say goodbye, before yawning again. Julian wraps an arm around my waist, half carrying me to his car. 

During the drive, I make myself stay awake, by blinking a lot. Once we pull into the garage, I see our parents cars.

“So much for going as a family.” I murmur as I get out of the car. I walk a little, then my eyes droop again, and I run into the side of our fathers expensive Porsche. 

“Come here.” Julian whispers as he wraps his arm around me again. 

As we walk past the kitchen I see mom with a flask in her hand. The second she spots us she slips it into her shirt. 

“Julian dear you did wonderful at your game.” She compliments, her words slurring the slightest.

“Thanks mom, I’m going to take Viv to her room. She’s dead tired.” Julian replies, and helps me up the stairs, and to my room.  

I collapse on my bed, “You were really great tonight, thank you.” I whisper, not allowing myself to fall asleep quite yet.

“You’re welcome,” He places a kiss on my forehead, “goodnight sis.”

★☆★

Chapter 1! What do you think? 

give it some notes!

It’ll get good I promise.

Hugs & Kisses

-Hannahxx

[a/n: I’m hours late. I know, I know. I’m sorry. Here is chapter 5. I listened to City and Colour while writing this and if you listen to him, you know he has some really sad songs. I’m really proud of myself for only crying twice. I hope you guys like it. Thank you for continued support. You’re the best. CC: bnayy celestev31 (thank you for your beautiful words darling xx) rinncincin kneekeyta katywright340 areyousad8118 thisissomefreshbullshit arashian-emu – Again, if you wanna be tagged let me know ♥]

Chapter 5

Other parts here 

Word Count : 5,900+

It had been a few weeks since graduation. Things were pretty much the same. Except for the fact that Finn dragged her to all these parties. She loved being there for him but the fact that she didn’t belong in this world became clearer. She had picked a school, she would attend UCLA in the fall for medicine, she just didn’t know what kind of doctor she wanted to become. Chloe said she would come with her to Los Angeles, they could be roommates, she would figure out what to do when she was there. Rae felt happy with her decisions, she had a good feeling about where her life was going. But the worry of what would happen to Finn and her, it weighed on her chest and each day it grew heavier. She loved him more than anything but she just didn’t know if she could handle the distance, it was over 5,000 miles. What was she going to do?

“Are you okay, baby?” asked Rosie. Always so attentive. Rae would miss her so much when she left. Rae was still staring out of the window and she shrugged. She hadn’t been okay in a few days. “Do you wanna go home? It’s fine.” Rae shook her head slowly.

“Okay, baby, I’m gonna need you to say something cause I’m starting to worry so come on, spit it out.” Rosie rubbed Rae’s back and it made Rae’s eyes water.

“I don’t know if I can do this Ro, I don’t know if I’m strong enough for a relationship that has to endure the distance of over 5,000 miles.” Her tears hit her white shirt leaving transparent splotches. “He has his dreams and I have mine, I would love nothing more than for us to live out our dreams together but how are gonna do that if he’s across the Atlantic Ocean?” She spoke in between sobs and all Rosie could do was hold her.

“You’re strong enough to handle this, baby, you both are. I’ve never seen a pair of teenagers so utterly in love with each other. It’s actually disgusting how cute you two are. Have a little faith in yourself, try it out for a while and if in the end you decide you can’t do it, let it go, not to be cliché, but if you love something let it go and if it comes back that’s how you’ll know.” Rosie smiled a little bit at her, but Rae just looked at her trying to make sense of what Rosie was telling her.

“He has to leave for about a week to meet with some people from over there. I guess I can use this to see what it would be like, him there and me here and soon me in Los Angeles.”

“You picked UCLA?! Baby, you’re gonna love California. It’s a beautiful place, it’s the earthquakes that suck.” Rosie laughed.

“Ugh, don’t remind me of that. It terrifies me a bit.” Rae frowned a little.

“When does Finn leave for England?”

“He leaves tomorrow actually, Finn and the boys are leaving.” she answered.

“Isn’t your firecracker of a friend dating one of his friends?” Rosie asked.

Rae just laughed, “Izzy? yeah, she dates Chop. But, she’s moving over there with him.” Rosie just nodded in understandment. “Look, take or don’t take my advice, it’s up to you. I just don’t want you to hate yourself over your decision. I’ve known you long enough to know you take things pretty hard. I want you to be happy.” She put her hands on Rae’s shoulders and shook her playfully.

“I know, I know. I’ve been going to the parties with him and oh my god, I wanna blow my brains out every single time. I mean, he loves it because he gets to meet all these amazing people who are heroes to him and it makes me happy that he’s happy but the women, oh dear god, the women, Rosie. These women and I have absolutely nothing in common. How am I supposed to be the supportive girlfriend if I have to be around these women who make me wanna pull out my own eyelashes?” Rae put her hands on her temples and widened her eyes.

“Fuck those bitches -” Rosie always straight and to the point, “You have nothing to prove to them, they can love who you are or they can fuck off.” Rae hugged Rosie and kissed her on the cheek, “What am I gonna do without you?” Rae asked her.

“You’re gonna wanna pull out your damn eyelashes without me -” Rosie smirked, “Don’t worry, I ain’t going no where, I’ll forever be one phone call away, one e-mail away, para siempre, forever baby.” Rae was so thankful for Rosie, she was like the really cool older sister she never had.

“Thanks a lot Rosie, truly, having you around means a lot sometimes, I can’t talk to my mum or the girls about this and you always help.”

“No need to thank me, and never talk to your momma about boys cause they store all the information and then use it against you. Trust me.” Rae laughed, Rosie had a point, mom’s sometimes hit where it hurts, “I’ll keep that in mind. Is it okay if I head home?”

“Get out of here, now. Go. Run. Shoo fly, go away.” Rosie pushed her towards the door and Rae grabbed her bag. Rae stepped outside and saw that it was cloudy outside and looked like it might rain so she grabbed an umbrella from the maintenance closet. She had only been walking for ten minutes when it started to drizzle. She looked at her watch and thought it was too early to go home, she decided to pass by the pub to see if Finn was there. As she walked, she noticed that the street vendors covered their things and opened the umbrellas. The light wind that was blowing made all the smells hit her nose at once. It smelled like pizza, coffee, and garbage. The rain wasn’t helping very much. It just magnified the smell of New York. Rae had a love/hate relationship, she was used to it but it sometimes drove her crazy. She swung her backpack and put it against her chest trying to pull out her compact to see if you could tell that she had been crying for a bit. She put her mirror back into her bag and put her arm through the strap. She walked down the steps into the pubs patio and closed the umbrella and put it against the wall.

When she opened the door she looked around and didn’t see him but his dad saw her.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes darling.” Finn’s dad said warmly. Rae smiled and went to hug him. “Hi, Mr. Nelson. You alright?” He threw the rag that was in his hand over his shoulder and went around the bar, he grabbed a glass from the top cabinet and placed it on the counter.

“What brings you by, darling? -” He put his hand over hers and squeezed, “Can I get you something?” Rae kind of really wanted a snakebite but she also really wanted water.

“I know I’m at a pub and I should have a proper drink but can I just have some water? I need actual hydration.” Mr. Nelson laughed and poured her some water and placed the glass on a coaster. “Is Finn around?” she asked while she took a drink of water.

“He is, he’s downstairs. Would you like me to get him for you?”

“Oh no, that’s fine. I believe I can find my way downstairs.” She finished her glass of water and jumped off the stool. She threw her backpack over her shoulder and went down the stairs where she found Finn with his back to her muttering something as he taped together some wires that had come undone in the panel that controls the air conditioning. She tip toed closer to him and leaned against the desk putting her bag on the floor. As he squeezed together the ends of the wires, there was a spark which caused Finn to yell. “Fucking shit, that hurts!” Rae covered her mouth to stifle her laughter but it was useless. He looked at her and his eyes lit up.

“What are you doing here?” he walked over to her and grabbed her by the waist.

“Well, apparently I got here just in time to watch you get slightly electrocuted by some loose wires.” She gave him a quick kiss on the lips and grabbed his hand. She saw the tips of his index finger and thumb were red. “Does it hurt?” she asked him and he nodded. She put his thumb in her mouth and sucked on it a little bit and kissed it. Finn groaned a little.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were being a little cheeky Miss Earl.” he said to her in an almost whisper. There was a slight look of lust in her eyes when she did it again but this time to his index finger. “I don’t know what you’re talking about -” she said innocently, “I’m just trying to make it stop h..-” She didn’t even get to finish her sentence, Finn didn’t let her. His tongue had found his way into her mouth and her hands into his hair. He pushed her into the desk and Rae gasped, she didn’t even notice when he managed to get rid her jeans, panties and shoes. She sat on the desk and wrapped her legs and arms around him. Neither of them caring that there was a pub full of people upstairs that could hear them, they didn’t even care that his dad could happen to walk downstairs to see if they needed anything. They were so wrapped up in each other that none of it mattered. All she could think of was how she could ever wanna let go of this. She tugged on his hair a little bit and it sent shivers down her spine. They were still for a few minutes, both of them trying to register what had just happened and how it happened so fast.

“I am so glad you stopped by.” he said against her ear. She looked at him and kissed him hard on the lips. “So am I, and to think I was gonna go home after work.” He kissed her on the shoulder and let her get up. She found her pants and underwear and put them on. How did her shoes end up by the stairs that quickly? She’ll never know.She finished putting on her shoes and looked over at Finn who wouldn’t stop staring at her.

“Would you stop staring at me -” she said “It freaks me out.”  Finn shook his head and laughed. “What are you gonna do without me for a week,girl?” he asked. What am I gonna do without you, period. Rae thought. She looked at him and bit the inside of her lip. “Oh, I don’t know, I guess I’ll figure something out-” she half smiled, “come on, come with me, I need a drink.” Rae felt she needed the entire bar. They had just had a moment of complete and utter bliss and to be honest, she was a little angry he had brought up the fact that he was leaving but she knew it was something that couldn’t be avoided.She took a seat on one of the bar stools and Finn followed. “Can I get a snakebite please?” she asked Gary.

“A drink after all?” he asked smiling. Gary looked at both of them, sporting flushed cheeks and he laughed to himself. “Here you go, Rae.” he said and placed the drink in front of her.

“What? I don’t get anything? Am I invisible?” Finn asked his dad pointing his hands towards him. “No, my dear boy, you’re not but may I remind you that you have to drive?” He hit Finn playfully on the arm with a damp rag. Rae laughed, she loved to see  the both of them play around, they had such a strong bond.

****

“You’ll phone me when you land, right?” Izzy asked chop with her hands clenching his shirt.

“I promise, babygirl. As soon as I put one foot on the ground,you’ll be the first person I ring.” He hugged her and kissed the top of her head, just held her for a long time.

Archie was saying goodbye to his parents, his mom with tears in her eyes saying ‘my baby’ over and over again.

“Oh, would you stop it woman! You’re smothering him, he’ll be back in a week. Honestly, I don’t know what you’re gonna do when he leaves for months.” said Archie’s dad literally prying her from Archie. The Nelson men weren’t too good with their heartfelt words so Juliette did most of the talking. Telling him that they were so proud of him and that wherever she was, Nan was proud of him too. Finn’s dad just nodded in agreement with everything Juliette was saying before actually pulling Finn in for a hug.

“I’ll see you guys soon, a week will fly by. I’ll be back before you know it and then we can have our proper goodbyes.” Finn hugged each of them before walking over to Rae who was sitting near the store with the neck pillows and blankets. The intercom buzzed and it let them know that their nonstop flight to Manchester was now boarding.

“Shit, I thought I’d have more time.” said Finn a little disappointed.

“It’s okay, I’ll see you in a week Finnley. Have fun and be safe.” He kissed her, it was shorter than he wanted it to be but it would have to do.

“Call me when you land, no matter the time.” She grabbed his face.

“I love you, girl.” he said with his forehead pressed to hers.

“I love you too. Now, go. You’re gonna miss your flight -” Her hands dropped down to his and she squeezed them, “This is it.” He smiled at her and kissed her quickly when they announced the final boarding call. She watched him board that plane with the biggest grin. This was his dream, this was gonna be his life from now on. She looked over to where his dad and Juliette were standing and he couldn’t be a prouder father. Juliette saw her looking at them and she winked at Rae. They all left the airport and went their separate ways. She sat in her mom’s car for a while, with a hand on the steering wheel and one holding her head as she leaned against the window. She sighed heavily as she watched planes take off not sure if they were the one Finn and the boys were in. She closed her eyes for a minute and then proceeded to turn on the car and drive away.

For now, she needed to be alone. He hadn’t even been gone hours and hours and she felt she couldn’t breathe.  She drove towards the park that Finn and her would go to all the time, with the tree in the middle of the park whose leaves fell in a slow motion way. She parked the car and got out. Locking it and shoving the keys into her bag. She sat underneath the tree and she started to quietly sob, she put her hands to her face and just let the tears fall. All she could think of was what Rosie had told her, to try it out this week to see what it would be like, but it had now been about two hours that she left the airport and she felt she couldn’t do it. Is this what she was gonna feel like everytime he left  and would the feeling subside? Or was it going to be a constant pain in the center of her chest like she was feeling now? She couldn’t find a way to see how this could work. She couldn’t be in California and him in Europe. Him cheating never crossed her mind, she wasn’t worried about that. She trusted him. It was the uncertainty of not knowing how he would feel months after not seeing her face to face. Would the love he had for her die out slowly with the passing of each month? They were questions that ran through her mind so fast it made her dizzy. They were questions she didn’t have answers to and she wasn’t sure if she even wanted answers. She just didn’t wanna live her life like this. They loved each other but was it enough?

 

*****

The days of the week passed and he emailed her pictures of him with the boys in different parts of the city, with different people, doing various things. He looked so incredibly happy in the pictures. Rae though his cheeks would burst from that ear to ear smile.That entire week was a blur for Rae, she felt disoriented and her decision weighed heavy on her shoulders. She had barely eaten anything all week. She avoided conversations with her family, and Linda was beginning to worry. She turned out invitations from Izzy and Chloe to do stuff and work just seemed to pass by her. Rosie could tell that something was wrong but she wouldn’t say anything. She would smile empathetically every time Rae looked at her but that was it. On the day that the boys were getting back, she didn’t even bother to get herself ready, she honestly didn’t have it in her. As she drove to the airport, she tried to convince herself to rethink things .To not make such rash decisions but when Finn got in the car and told her about how much fun he had and how excited he was to start playing, she knew it was the right thing to do.She smiled at what he told her and nodded now and then with a few “mmhm’s,wow’s and that so cool’s, i’m so happy for you’s” Finn didn’t notice that her smile wasn’t genuine and she didn’t blame him, he was so excited. She dropped him off at his house so he could get some rest from his trip and they promised they would see each other later. Rae nodded and kissed him on the cheek. Finn got his things from the trunk. Rae watched him go inside before she drove off. She decided to go back home,she went inside and Arielle greeted her with her arms up in the air as an indication that she wanted to be picked up but Rae just patted her head.  Linda and Karim watched her go up the stairs followed by the slam of a door.

“I’m worried about that one.” said Linda to Karim.

“Maybe, she just feels sick or something.” he answered.

“I don’t know, maybe, but somethings up.”

Rae laid down and put a pillow over her face.She fell asleep for a few hours until she was woken up by the ringing of her phone inside her bag. She dragged herself out of bed and rubbed her eyes. It was a text from Finn asking her to come over. It has to be today, no reason to drag this out more, she thought. She went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She went downstairs and asked if she could borrow the car to drive to Finn’s. Linda said yes, she was going to Finn’s it wasn’t a big deal and it was no longer a school night. She got into the car ,sure of what she was about to to do.She waited for a while, building up the courage before she finally got out of the car. She rang the doorbell and sat down on the stairs. He opened the door with a huge smile. “Come in.”he told her but she said no. He furrowed his eyebrows and closed the door behind him. He sat down next to her and grabbed her hand but she pulled away. It was weird to him, the way she pulled away from him it was like she was afraid.

“Alright love, out with it. What’s wrong? You’ve been weird today” he said.

She sniffled and wiped the tear coming from her right eye. He tried to put his arm around her and she froze. “Please don’t” she said softly.

“What’s this about, Rae? Talk to me.”

She looked into his chocolate colored eyes that were now filled with worry and uncertainty.

“I love you, Finn.”

“I love you too, but please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I have dreams Finn.” He didn’t quite understand what she meant and he let her continue.

“I have dreams, goals. Things I want to accomplish in life. I wanna be a doctor and help people, I wanna travel the world. I want to have a family someday and I want to see you live out your dreams.”

“I know you do and I support you in all of that. You know it. And I’m gonna be right there with you through it all. Now what is this really about?” he asked almost pleading.

“It’s about us Finn.”

“What about us? You’re starting to scare me.” She got up from the stairs and stood with her back towards him.

“I’m not what you need Finn, I’m no cut out for this.” Tears streamed down her face and hit the pavement.

“What are you talking about? You’re exactly what I need. You’re all I’ll ever need. Rae, please don’t do this” he said.

“I’m not like those women, Finn. I realized that the day of the party. I just can’t be your girlfriend or your wife who is miles and miles from you. I can’t live my life behind you. I can’t sit at home and not have a career just because my husband makes millions. I don’t care about the money. I want you to live your dream and be happy because I know what it means to you.”

“I don’t want you to be like those women. I want you to be you. You can go to school in England, it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a scholarship. I’ll pay all the money in the world if it means that we can live our dreams together. I want you to have your own life. I want this but I don’t want it if you’re not there with me.” His voice was getting louder and he was trying not to yell.

“No, I don’t care about the money. I don’t want it! I worked hard for this. I can’t change my plans. I can’t throw scholarships away and my dreams and goals. You’re gonna be miles away, what am I supposed to do? It wouldn’t work! I’d spend hours at school and you hours at practice and out of the country for games. It wouldn’t work. I can’t do it. I can’t move, I’ve already accepted the offer and I start school in the fall.” His eyes burned holes into her.

“Then I won’t go! I’ll go to California with you, I’ll call the whole thing off right now. Just say the word and I’ll make the call” he was desperate, his hands has begun to shake.

“Are you insane? I don’t want you to do that. Football makes you happy. It’s what you love and you’re chasing this dream with your best friends. I would never in a million years ask you to give up your dreams for me.Just like you wouldn’t ask me to give up my dreams.”

The tears kept falling from both of their eyes and Finn wiped his nose with his sleeve.

“I’ll come visit you every chance I get, we can make this work, Rae. Just please, please don’t leave me.” he begged. Rae couldn’t get the words out so she just shook her head.

“Rae, what are you telling me right now?” he asked her anxiously.

“I’m saying…I think it’s best if we end this now. We can be friends.”

“What? No, look at me” he walked over to her and lifted her face to look at him.

“You are everything to me, Rae. We belong together and you know it. You’re the only person who knows me.The good, the bad, the ugly. I can’t lose ya. Tell me what to do and i’ll do it, I don’t bloody care. I want none of this, if you aren’t with me.”  She pulled away from him.

“It’s better this way Finn, it is. You don’t see it now but you’ll realize it. This is already killing me. Please don’t make it any harder than it already is. This is the right thing to do.” she said softly, her voice trailing off into tears. She pulled her keys out from her pocket and stood before him. “I’ll always love you, You treated me better than anybody else in the world.” She kissed his cheek and walked away. She got into her car and locked the door thinking he would run after her but he didn’t. He stood there frozen unable to believe that this had really happened. That in 15 minutes, his entire life came undone.

 

When Rae got home she slammed the front door and ran upstairs causing Linda to become alarmed. She shut her door and locked it and threw herself on to her bed.The pillow pushed against the wall was the pillow Finn always slept with. She grabbed it and it smelled like him still.What have I done? she thought to herself. Finn was the only man she had ever been with, the only boy she had ever truly loved.She believed it was the best thing for them but it felt like someone had ripped out her soul.She sobbed into her pillow over and over ignoring the knocks on the door by Linda. She wanted to be alone, she couldn’t look at her mom right now. Linda gave up after the fifth knock.

 

It had begun to rain and Finn was still sitting outside. Not a care in the world about the rain. Did that just happen? he thought to himself. He couldn’t believe it. Gary opened the door to find his son sitting on the stairs in the rain.
“Finn?” asked Gary. And when Finn looked at him, he felt his heart sink. His son’s face covered in tears and raindrops. “Come on,my boy” he said and grabbed him by the shoulders and took him inside. Juliette was coming out of the kitchen when she saw them.

“Oh my god, what happened?” she asked frantically

“Rae..I..she..she broke up with me” were the only words that came out of his mouth.

Gary and Juliette looked at each other in disbelief. Was Finn drunk?

“She left me” Finn whispered to himself.

“I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding, Finn. She loves you. Did you two fight?” asked Juliette.

“No, she just told me she wasn’t what I needed and she kept pulling away from me everytime I tried to hold her, like..like she was scared of me” he said breathlessly.

“She said that she couldn’t live her life behind me, that she had dreams and goals and that she couldn’t throw them away. That it would never work with us being miles away.”

Gary hadn’t seen Finn cry so hard, not even when his Nan died. He usually just suppressed feelings like this.

“I’m so sorry, Finn” his dad held him as Finn cried quietly, “I’m so so sorry.”

“I don’t get it, how am I supposed to live without her? we’re supposed to be together da, this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”

“Do you know where she is? Want me to talk to her?” Juliette asked.

“She’s home but no it’s okay, she had her mind made up.” It really hurt Juliette to see him like this, she loved him like a son and she knew that heartbreak was hell, she hoped he never felt that pain. Finn excused himself and went upstairs. Gary and Juliette stood at the bottom watching him go up in slow motion.She placed her head on his shoulder and he hugged her tightly.

 

Rae had made herself sick from crying so much. She wanted to call her friends but she knew Izzy would be with Chop and Chloe,Rae loved Chloe so much but she was truly shit at being comforting and her mom would tell her to be a big girl and breathe. She called Rosie. The phone call didn’t last more than 30 seconds when Rosie told her she was on her way. Half an hour passed and there was a doorbell and then a knock on her door. She opened the door and pulled Rosie in.

“Mama, what happened? I mean, why?” Rosie asked.

“I couldn’t handle the week with him being away, I took your advice and tried it but it was too much. I..I just thought it was best” she said as she sniffled.

“You two have always been busy people, but you make it work baby.”

“But it was different, we lived in the same place, we went to school together. He’s moving, I’m moving. I’ll never see him.” Rosie rocked Rae back and forth as she cried.

“But look at you, this is killing you. You think that this is the right thing but what y’all have is special. I know I questioned it what you guys would do but the day he picked up from work. The look in his eye, Rae, he would do anything for you. He loves you like you love him.”

“What did I do, Rosie? I broke the heart of the only person who has ever loved me” Rae bawled into Rosie’s shoulder.

“Hey, hey, I love you! Your family, your friends.” Rosie said.

“You know what I mean, Rose.”

“He still loves you, he didn’t stop from then to now. Call him and tell him you didn’t mean it.”

“I can’t. I did mean it. It’s better this way and you know it. I’m trying to do the right thing but I didn’t know it would be this hard. I can’t be his little wife, who just cheers for him in the stands. The women that these men are married too, I told you. They’re terrible people and I don’t wanna  be like that. They don’t care if their husbands cheat or anything. They have no lives. I love Finn with my entire being but I have my own dreams. I know who I wanna be and they’re not it. If that’s what he needs, I’m not it” Rae’s voice had taken a little aggressive tone.

“What did I tell you, fuck those women! You’re you, they’re them.” Rosie understood where Rae was coming from, but she also knew that she loved Finn so much to not be with him.

Rae could only look at her no words came out. Rosie got up and walked around.

“It’ll never work! It’s easier this way” Rae said.

Rosie grabbed the phone from Rae’s dresser and looked through it. She pulled up Finn’s number and put it in front of Rae, all she had to do was press call.

“You love each other, make it work.”  She looked up at Rosie as she held the phone in front of her.



******

 

At Finn’s,  Gary has taken the matter into his own hands. He called Archie, Finn’s oldest friend. He was like a son to Gary and  a brother to Finn. When Archie got there he made his way up to Finn’s room and opened the door. He looked at Finn is disbelief. He was laying on the bed with his face to the wall in his clothes wet from the rain. Archie sat down on the edge of the bed and put his hand on Finn’s arm. Finn turned to look at him and then put a pillow over his head. Archie didn’t say anything, he waited until Finn wanted to speak.

“We belong together, Arch. This isn’t supposed to happen” Finn’s voice was muffled through the pillow.

“What did she say?” Archie asked and Finn took the pillow of his face and sighed.

“That she isn’t cut out of this. That she has her own dreams and that she can’t just sit at home while I live out mine.”

“You can’t hold that against her, Finn, she’s allowed to have her own dreams.”

“I don’t! Not at all, That’s what I love about her that she’s so ambitious and driven.”

“You have to understand that we are gonna be pretty busy up there, Finn. Maybe it is for the best.” Finn couldn’t believe his ears. Archie had always been their number one fan.

“What?” he asked shocked.

“Well, there’s nothing saying that you guys can’t be together in a few years when you’re lives are settled and your careers have taken off. Maybe she’s right. It doesn’t mean you don’t love her or that she doesn’t love you. You are just putting your own well being first and that’s not a bad thing. Try to understand where she’s coming from. She doesn’t want you to hate her if it doesn’t work out right now. Be reasonable” Archie said.

Finn looked at Archie. He had a point. He hadn’t seen it in Rae’s point of view. He knew she would never hurt him this way unless she thought it was the correct thing to do. He would be understanding, if this is what needed to happen, he would let it happen no matter how much it hurt. He loved her enough to not make this any harder for her.

His phone started to ring and Archie answered it.

“It’s Rae” Archie said as he handed the phone to him.

“Hey, girl” he said.

“Finn, I-” she cried, before he cut her off.

“I just wanna say something first okay?”

“Okay…” she said.

“I understand where you’re coming from now and I know that this was really hard for you. I want you to know that I support you no matter what you ever do, and I’m always gonna love ya. You’re gonna live out your dreams and I’ll live out mine. I’m gonna move to Manchester and play and finish out my contract and maybe in a few years we can be  together. If this is what you need, I’ll give it to you. I love you enough to let you go, if that’s what you want” he sighed deeply.

She didn’t know what to say, she knew deep down it wouldn’t work and the fact that he was so understanding made it hurt more. She almost wished he would hate her for breaking his heart.

“I love you, Rae. You are so important to me and that will never change.”

She managed to get out, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, what’s meant to be will be.” He pressed end and threw himself back into his pillow.

“And, you say you’re not good with speaking” teased Archie and Finn threw a pillow at him.

He sat down next to Finn, “It’s gonna be okay, mate. It’ll be alright.”

 

“Well?” Rosie asked.

“He thinks it’s best too” she cried and Rosie held her. She stayed with her until she cried herself to sleep and Archie with Finn.