oh come on that was a good pun

fun ways for the show to show that simon lewis isnt straight

(without upsetting canon)

  • a casual mention of a past boyfriend
  • a pun
  • clary mentioning a past boyfriend
  • simon saying “btw im pan”
  • a pun about pans
  • someone talking about being attracted to Jace and simon saying “same”
  • Congratulating alec on having such a good first boyfriend and continuing to tell him about his first boyfriend
  • casual mention of a boyfriend followed by “I’m pan i thought that was obvious” followed by a flashback to all of simons many gay moments
  • a gathering of the gang where simon says “oh btw i have a crush on every single one of you”
  • pointing at a pan saying “me”
  • Congratulating Alec on his epic coming out and continuing to tell him about his own coming out
  • kissing a random boy at a club
  • Sitting his sister down to tell her about being a vampire but she misunderstands and says “simon you already came out as pan remember?”
  • casual mention of a crush on a boy
  • saying “oh god remember when i thought was straight”
  •  “i cant believe i ever thought i was straight”
  •  “straight people are so weird”
  • “i dont understand the straights tbh”
  • going to a clave meeting and saying “wow i have never been in a room with so many straight people this is exhausting”
  • have him enter the room banging pans together shouting “DID YOU KNOW IM NOT STRAIGHT”
  • Chanting “any gender im a fan, did i mention im totally pan”
Types as people I've met irl (ENFP pov)

Saw several posts about this & thought it would be a cool thing to do

ISFJ
- least judgmental person /ever/
- loves going on exciting trips
- “do u want me to do the dishes?”
- if they’re with someone who’s good with puns they suddenly come up with great material, if they’re with a physically affectionate person they’ll return the affection whole heartedly
- is actually pretty straightforward about opinions but never in a rude way

ENFP
- can’t say no
- unbeknownst to many is actually pretty self conscious
- “oh gosh why did I do that!!” regrets, regrets, regrets
- 100% night owl
- Let’s Talk About Our Insecurities™
- they have crazy energy spikes & then retreat into a shell to recharge

ESFP
- usually has a bunch of good friends that are of the opposite sex
- gets offended over the stupidest things
- the one who calms you down and tells you everything will be OK
- in love with bromance
- “I can’t I’m super busy with work I literally don’t even have 5 minutes I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight!!” *leaves on spontaneous trip to the woods for 4 days with no reception*

INTP
- will introduce you to some of the best places/experiences
- music taste on point
- “let me tell u why this person will never get anywhere”
- actually pretty successful out in the real world
- surprisingly very judgmental
- great jokes

INFJ
- hair, makeup, outfit, purse, everything must be perfect
- amazing cook
- d a n c i n g when no one’s watching
- takes a while to open up, but when they do it’s like a whole other world
- will drop their friends when they get into a romantic relationship

ESTJ
- the person with the most shocking sense of humor
- does things that at times aren’t socially acceptable
- can be surprisingly introspective
- super blunt
- is actually a cat whisperer

ISTJ
- they’re actually super funny????
- smart conversationalists
- if they hate you, you prolly don’t know it
- fine with school, and in some cases actually like it
- never get emotional

INFP
- yearn for change, will make important life decisions on a whim sometimes
- deep & intimate late night conversations
- will go on an adventure w/ u @ midnight
- need lots of love & encouragement
- big dreams but have a fear they’ll never achieve them

ESTP
- Rebellious™
- love things like rock climbing and hiking
- feel more affection for their kitty than for people lol
- will be pissed if u knock on their window at 5 am but will still get up and do ur hair for u bc u need it for a photoshoot bc inside they are truly fuzzballs
- lots of boyfriends/girlfriends

ENFJ
- will see that you’re feeling down and will shower you with love & gifts
- super expressive in facial expressions
- if they talk to you they are pretty open about the people they don’t like
- super involved in everything
- has a really fun childlike side

INTJ
- believes in you when you don’t
- replies to compliments with “I know.”
- “you can do better”
- prolly smarter than you
- spunky
- volunteers bc they have the desire to help people less fortunate than them

  • Yang: Hey Blake, wanna do it?
  • Blake: No.
  • Yang: Yes?
  • Blake: No.
  • Yang: Come on! I wanna see Xiao Long you can last!
  • Both: ...
  • (Later)
  • Blake: Are you gonna keep making puns when you ask about sex!?
  • Yang: NO!
  • Blake: PROMISE ME!
  • Yang: PUT THE SWORD DOWN!
  • Blake: I SAID PROMISE!
  • Yang: AHHH! YES! I PROMISE! JUST GET THE SHARP OBJECT AWAY FROM MY GENITALIA!
  • Blake: Good, glad we could come to an understanding.
  • Yang: Oh, we can come to something alright- OW! YOU JUST STABBED ME!
  • Blake: Shut up and let's do it before I get bored.
  • Yang: Yes sir!
A Clean Plate

“Magnus? What are you doing here?”

Magnus froze. He must have forgotten to cast a warning spell for anyone coming towards him, and he could curse himself for it now. Luckily, it seems like the person who caught him was his own darling Alexander. He quickly pulled his hand back from the vertical row of stacked plates resting on the counter in the Institute kitchen.

“Oh! I was just looking for a glass of water, you know how thirsty enforcing the wards can make me,” Magnus said in a breezy tone.

“Couldn’t you just summon a glass of water…?” Alec asked, confusion written all over his face. “And you were just… stroking the edges of the plates.”

Magnus laughed, “stroking the plates? Oh, you young people- is that slang for something?”

Alec raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Fine,” Magnus said resignedly, “a long time ago, when The Accords were still being written I was invited to an Institute to help. They served us food, and drink- but after it was over they threw out every single item that had been touched by “dirty Downworlder” flesh… So now, when I find myself unaccompanied in an Institute, a rarity I assure you… I…”

“You touch the plates,” Alec said with understanding in his voice.  

Keep reading

3

STILL TECHNICALLY VALENTINES DAY 

as before, click through to see the dirtier jokes I chose not to use because I have Some Control but not enough to avoid sharing them entirely 

also as before, much thanks to @amarguerite  for some of the jokes, especially the Flautist thing! which would work better if I could draw a flute but OH WELL

also do you know how difficult it is to find a nudge-nudge wink wink like for Bahorel when all his dialogue is just so…blatant…like how can I find you a pun when you’re just coming on to the street my dude… 

anonymous asked:

could you give us a list of puns in les mis? the only one i know of is R's nickname :c

Oh my there are too many!! I’ll give you those I can recall on top of my head:

  • Enjolras: That’s not really a pun, but it’s super cool: the French verb “enjôler” means “to seduce with good, compelling words” and Enjolras is a great orator
  • Joly: “joli” means “cute” in French, dunno if Hugo was onto that one but I’m onto it
  • Feuilly: He is a fanmaker and the french word “feuille” means “sheet of paper”… Because you know…….. paper…. fans…. ugh i’m so done with that guy
  • Patron-Minette: Comes from the french expression “à potron-minet” which means very early in the morning, because that’s when their crime stop, with sunrise
  • Corinthe: I may be totally stretching this, but “Corinthe” is a pretty popular type of grapes/raisins in France and the Corinthe iS A FUCKING WINE SHOP
  • Bossuet: Honestly, Bossuet’s name is too convoluted and I don’t recall the details. But there is a pun there. A very very complicated one
  • Les Amis de l’ABC : ABC when read out loud give “abaissés” (downtrodden)
  • Fantine: Sounds an awful lot like “enfantine” (child-like) because she was given that name as a child 
  • Montparnasse: I was pretty sure his name came from Théophile Gauthier’s “Parnasse” movement that advocated art for art’s sake, just like Montparnasse is a dandy and is very mindful of his appearence, but the movement only took place in 1866, so 4 years after Les Mis was published. So it’s either related to Montparnasse as a real place in Paris, aka a boulevard or a cemetary (fitting for an assassin). OR it could be a reference to Mount Parnassus (Mont Parnasse, funny how that works) in Greece, related to Apollo because he’s a very handsome guy. Like… the dude is a solid 10
  • Gibelotte: It’s a rabbit stew and Gibelotte is a flipping WAITRESS I CANNOT
  • Matelote: Same with a fish stew IM SO MAD
  • Cosette: means small talk or little thing…. don’t…. don’t ask
  • Myriel, Bishop of Digne: in the French texte, within the first page (I kid you not, the FIRST PAGE), it is said that Myriel is a “digne curé” = “a worthy priest” DIGNE. FLIPPING DIGNE. THE BOOK ITSELF STARTS ON A BLOODY PUN HOW CAN I TAKE THAT GUY SERIOUSLY
  • Saitama: Ugh!
  • Genos: What is it, Saitama? Is someone bothering you? Is it that good-for-nothing Speed of Sound Sonic?
  • Saitama: Yeah, actually. He's a real pain in the ace.
  • Genos: ....
  • Saitama: Bdum-tss.
  • Genos: ...
  • Saitama: Genos, did you get it? I meant ace like a-
  • Genos: Yes, Sensei. I did get it.
  • Saitama: Oh. Why aren't you saying anything then. Come on, that was a good one!
  • Genos: ... Sonic is a disgr-ace.
  • Saitama: NICE ONE GENOS!
  • Saitama and Genos: *high five*

little-miss-fangirl-221b  asked:

Can you please write something where Jim and his S/O are going on a date or something and she wears heels and is taller than him and he gets all pouty about it? Thanks!!

“No you’re not wearing these.” Jim points at your brand new Louboutin’s.

“Why? What’s wrong with those?”, you ask looking down. You thought you looked exceptionally good tonight for your date  wearing a black women’s suit and a shining white blouse beneath it. The heels matched the small purse you were carrying.

“They’re too high.” He seemed really bothered.

“Yes…that’s the point of heels. They make you taller.”, you said. Jim didn’t seem very amused by that.

“The point is that you’re now taller than me.”, he answered after a short break of silence.

“Oh come on don’t tell me that’s really putting you down so much.”, you laughed at your own pun.

“Could you just change already.”, his voice changed into the tone you knew all too well. It was the mode he was in when he wasn’t up for jokes and got all serious. Pouty even.

“Honestly, Jim, this is ridiculous.” You shook your head. “I’m not going to change because of you.”

“Fine. I guess you don’t want to go out tonight then.” He raised his brows like a child that was satisfied with itself because it was about to get its will.

“I never said that for, gods sake. Can you behave like a grown-up, please? You do realise this is just about shoes, right?” He was a pain in the ass sometimes.

“I do. And it is weird if you’re taller than me that’s why I want you to change now.“ His stubbornness drove you crazy. 

He stared at you and crossed his arms.

“You are unbelievable.”, you said kicking your heels off your feet. Sometimes it was better to give in when he was playing hard-headed. An awful trait you had to accept if you wanted to get along with him.

“Well thank you.” Jim smiled relieved and pleased.

“Jim, you’re a whiny child.”

why was osomatsu crying
because he was oso sad

why cant jyushimatsu eat oranges with his long sleeves
because they’re too jyushi

why was karamatsu upset in episode 5
because he thought his brothers didnt kara bout him

why doesnt ichimatsu like being covered in cat hair
because it makes him really ichi

why is todomatsu probably the most busy of the sextuplets
because he has a lot todo

why didn’t choromatsu order tres leches at a spanish bakery
because he wanted a choro instead

shit that makes me WEAK: ford being big and scary and protective of his loved ones and ppl are kind of scared to approach him bc hes known as ‘stans terrifying brother who nearly caused the apocalypse but good god do not bring that up around him if you value your life oh my god’ and people think hes tough as nails and all that jazz

but when hes around his family/people he loves hes absolutely weak like he cracks goofy puns at stan left and right and when it comes to the twins hes completely helpless they can talk him into almost anything (example: if they ask him for ice cream then he is getting them ice cream no matter what it takes) and with fiddleford hes the biggest fuckign sappy mess comprised of puppy dog love and embarrassing pet names and affectionate snuggling and i want to die

Fran bow: what if...

Lol what if Fran bow was turned into an anime?

Like imagine the gore, the violence, the insanity, THE PUNS GOOD LORD.
It would be hilarious!
Like imagine the part where itward and mr.midnight go and set up Fran’s surprise party.

Fran: “MR MIDNIGHT IM COMING TO SAVE Y-…”

Itward: *stares with wide eyes pulling a birthday cake out of an oven*

Mr.Midnight: “oh hello Fran dear! Happy birthday!”

Itward: *faceslam into stove* goddamit

XD God that would be funny as hell

I was washing the dishes and my boyfriend took a wet plate from the cleaned pile
  • Me: You could take a new one, you know.
  • Boyfriend: Yeah. But I didn't want to add another one for you.
  • Me: Yeah, like it was ever a problem.
  • Boyfriend: You never appreciate my good will.
  • Me: Oh come on.
  • Boyfriend: You know who appreciate good will?
  • Boyfriend: Hannibal.

“I mean, none of this is canon right? So yeah, just go ahead and fucking kill me.”

I was going to speculate about how could Steven’s powers could know that wasn’t a real threat where he couldn’t, but then I remember what episode this is and I refuse to put any sort of thought into this.

Oh come on, of all the myriad of amazing weapon puns you could’ve used, you go with Beezoka?

This might be actually the most hurt Steven’s been in the show.

Good.

Trust me. I think probably the planet is going to explode. That’s my feeling. It’s so good. Every time we go on a promotional tour talking about what’s going to come, we all say, ‘Oh my God, it’s amazing. I can’t wait for you to see it.’ But it continually surprises me how this show grows and is put together and the execution of it — no pun intended. It blows my mind. It just continually reaches a new plateau every single time, and this is the highest plateau we’ve ever been. So just wait. It’s worth the wait, trust me.
—  Norman Reedus on Season 7 of TWD. Aka it’s shit like this that makes me fucking insane and unable to move on from Beth Greene no matter how many times I say I will.
Sweets for the Sweet?

Part 1 of 3

For my lovely beta who passed a super important test last week! I’m so proud of you! And I knew you could do it! So to celebrate, I owe her a little treat :’D

Info: AU in which Saitama is a good pastry chef who flirts for fun; fluff, comedy, and flirting (with puns)—and of course, smut (in the near-future). Enjoy.

Summary: Saitama likes to flirt a little too much—which can cause problems (just ask his boss, Fubuki). Then comes Genos who takes their initial flirtationship a little too seriously.

Keep reading

Me watching Plush (SPN 11X7)
  • Me: OH MY FUCKING GOD.
  • Me: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
  • Me: THERES GONNA BE CLOWNS
  • Me: DONNA'S BACK
  • Me: BUNNNNNNIIIIIEEEESSS
  • Me: GOD DAMN IT DEAN, YOU LOVE BUGS BUNNY
  • Me: SAMMY THAT PUN WAS GOOD DON'T YOU LET DEAN-
  • Me: OH SHIT
  • Me: OH SHIT
  • Me: OH SHIT
  • Me: ITS A FUCKING CURSED MASK
  • Me: DONNA DOES CROSS FIT AND HAS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT DOUG
  • Me: OH FUCK
  • Me: THAT MASK IS SO CURSED
  • Me: ITS GONNA COME BACK
  • Me: I DON'T CARE THAT YOU BURNED IT, ITS COMING BACK YOU IGNORANT POTATO HUNTERS
  • Me: THIS KID LIFTING WEIGHTS IS GONNA DIE
  • Me: OH MOTHER FUCK
  • Me: A BLOODY FUCKING CLOWN
  • Me: AH FUCK ITS SCHOOL MASCOTS, ISNT IT?
  • Me: DAMN SOCIAL MEDIA
  • Me: ROCK? WHO NAMES THEIR CHILD ROCK?
  • Me: MOTHER FUCKING GHOSTS
  • Mom: Are you okay
  • Me: MY SHOW IS ON
  • Mom: Are you sure?
  • Me: LEAVE ME
  • Me: SALT ON DESERT. BRILLIANT
  • Me: MICHELLE'S HAIR COLOR IS TO DIE FOR
  • Me: OH FUCK CHESTER.
  • Me: GOD DAMN IT. WHY DO YOU GOTTA BE ALL GHOSTY
  • Me: HE WAS CREMATED. WHAT A SURPRISE.
  • Me: AND WE'RE NOT EVEN HALF WAY THROUGH YET.
  • Me: J2 YOUR STUBBLE IS ON POINT
  • Me: THAT CLOWN'S GONNA PULL THE TUBE
  • Me: MOTHER FUCK THE CLOWN HAS A KNIFE
  • Me: THE CLOWN KILLED A MAN
  • Me: SHIT ITS HOMESTUCK ALL OVER AGAIN
  • Me: DO I SMELL MORE MURDER???!!!
  • Me: I THINK I DOOOOOOOO
  • Me: OKAY THIS A'INT GOOD FOR SAMMY
  • Me: LAST TIME HE DEALT WITH KILLER CLOWNS HE GOT COVERED IN GLITTER, YOU KNOW.
  • Me: DONNA WHAT THE FUCK
  • Me: SASSY SAMMY
  • Me: OH SHIT CHESTER
  • Me: CHESTER PROBABLY TOUCHED MAX
  • Me: CHESTER YOU FUCK TART
  • Me: HOT DAMN CHESTER'S HAIR WAS ON POINT
  • Me: YOU IGNORANT DOUCHE NOZZLES KILLING THE GUY YOU THINK TOUCHED YOUR KIDS ISN'T THE ANSWER.
  • Me: YOU SEND HIM TO THE STATE PENITENTIARY SO SOME GUY NAMED BUBBA CAN MAKE HIM HIS BITCH
  • Me: OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT
  • Me: THE FUCKING DEER HEAD
  • Me: BURN DEER BURN
  • Me: CHESTER LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO START SINGING THE SOUND TRACK TO WEST SIDE STORY
  • Me: HIS EYE MAKEUP SAYS EMO THO...
  • Me: CHEESE CURD FEST? I'M GAME
  • Me: DONNA YOU GO YOU HELLA AWESOME HUNTER YOU!
  • Me: DONNA YOU BETTER GET THAT DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDOUG
  • Me: I SHIP IT SO MUCH
  • Me: AH THE CAGE
  • Me: THEY BETTER BE SETTING ADAM FREE. ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME

One relationship I would’ve loved to see in Gotham before things went to shit with him would’ve been Eddie and Leslie Thompkins cause I feel like they would’ve gotten along

Like:

  • Leslie asking Eddie for his opinion on cases cause he seems pretty smart and the two of them teaching each other stuff
  • Eddie bringing in cupcakes he’s baked and no one wanting to try one so Leslie takes pity on him and makes a show of telling him how good it is
  • Eddie buying Leslie a gift in exchange for her letting him experiment in the morgue and her giving Jim a hard time like WHY DON’T YOU EVER BUY ME THINGS HUH??
  • Eddie making a really horrible pun whilst reporting evidence and everybody just stares at him except Leslie who’s struggling not to snicker
  • Leslie inviting Eddie over and they end up watching cheesy horror movies and laughing at the effects (bonus: Jim walks in and Leslie’s like OH HEY COME JOIN US and he nopes on out and hides in the bathroom)
  • Leslie giving Eddie advice on how to talk to girls
  • Leslie giving Eddie a hug when he’s feeling down and he ends up getting snuggly and weird and sniffing her neck but she’s ok with that
  • Eddie and Leslie
INTP conversations #20

*at a team project meeting, INTJ and INTP are coming up with biology puns*

INTJ: Oh, I just thought of one. It’s actually funny.

INTP: Let’s hear it.

Everyone else: *groans*

INTJ: I heard you were having trouble with gene expression. D’you know why?

INTP: No, why?

INTJ: Too much crystal meth!

INTP: Haha. That was a good one, INTJ.

Everyone else: I don’t get it.

INTP: Crystal meth… DNA methylation… gene expression…? Anyone?

Everyone else: *stares*

INTP: Come on, guys!

INTJ: I think we should just keep our puns to ourselves from now on.