how do you think the batboys learned the birds and the bees? Can't imagine bruce giving them the Talk at all.
Bruce tried once, with Dick, but he was so technical that Dick didn’t get any of it, and Alfred sat him down and explained it all over.
Jason just looked at Bruce as he started and said “yeah I know” and walked away. Bruce tries again and Jason pulled a strip of condoms out of his backpack and slapped on them into the table and said “I fucking know, what you want me to put one on a banana?”
Tim spends WAY too much time on-time, by the time Bruce thought to try Tim had seen things no one is meant too see
Damian… oh dear, Bruce tried and Damian just “tt- father I read the entire Kama Sutra when I was 9″ Bruce is horrified.
(I didn’t do Duke since he was already in his late teens when he became a batboy)
AU where the Justice League forms like usual, except Batman
maintained his “totally a myth” status and has in fact been active for years before the JL forms. He’s very
cautious about trusting them, but still joins, and the others sort of accepts
that as long as they trust that Batman has a really hard time with trust, it will
all work out in its own weird way
Then, one day, in the middle of a JL mission, the League gets
in a tight spot. Out of nowhere, this blue and black blur swoops in and saves everyone’s
ass. Maybe breaking some shackles that were proving very difficult, maybe disarm
a bomb that the League was just a hair’s breadth too slow to reach without
help, but whatever happens, the shadowy figure pauses just long enough to say, “Hey,
Batman, you know you there are these things called cellphones now and you can just call
sometimes, it doesn’t have to be this dramatic?” and bounds away after
shouting ‘let’s do brunch! Bring your new friends!’
Batman is mortified.
No one lets it go.
The entire rest of the mission, the whole League is asking so
many questions. Who was that? Do you know him? How do you know him? What’s going on? I didn’t know there was a
vigilante in this area?? They don’t let up until he talks.
“That was Nightwing.” Batman is mumbling. The JL forces him
to bring them to the Brunch. Brunch happens to be in a run-down apartment on
the edge of a bad neighborhood, at five in the morning, in costume. Nightwing
introduces himself as Batman’s lovechild with justice.
“I did not realize Batman had a child,” Martian Manhunter
says, calmly enough that no one’s sure if he’s accidentally plucking a really
loud thought out of the air or if he’s trying to make a joke.
Nightwing stares for a moment falling over laughing. He doesn’t
get up. Batman starts trying to apply anti-Joker venom but Nightwing just kicks
him and laughs until he cries. He keeps trying to wipe his eyes and his mask
keeps getting in the way, so he asks everyone to leave so he can please get
a hold of himself
He is still laughing when they leave. Everyone is confused.
Batman is furious. Nightwing manages to
breathe long enough to say, “We’re just so glad
you’re socializing now, Batman.”
Superman turns to look at Batman very slowly. “…’we’?”
the, “thank you for bringing him back to me,” diana types out in the email she’s sending to bruce hurts me because, not only is that such an intimate phrasing, but it really is indicative of how many years diana must have spent with only an outdated watch to remember steve by. had she started to forget what he looked like, what he sounded like?
Okay, but the fact that Wonder Woman starts off with Bruce having gone through the trouble of tracking down the original copy of this photograph just so that Diana can have it makes my wonderbat shipper heart very happy.
you know i don’t think i’ve ever actually seen batman with a water bottle, even though you know that Mister I-Am-Prepared-For-All-Things-And-Eleven-Steps-Ahead-Because-I-Knew-You-Would-Only-Expect-Ten would never let himself or any of the robins get all dehydrated and headachey and muscle crampy. i’ve seen bruce wayne with a water bottle, but never batman, in full costume, standing on a rooftop with a matte black stainless steel double-walled bottle of water with a l'il yellow bat sticker on it. you know he tried a bat-shaped canteen and then gave up on it because it was too hard to clean. too many nooks and crannies. ‘but wouldn’t he make alfred clean it’ if you think bruce is capable of making alfred do any manual labor that he doesn’t want to you are sorely mistaken. took one look at that dumbass canteen and he just left the room. oh no, master bruce, i would never deny you the complete ownership experience of whatever the fuck this is that you thought would be a good idea this time. you go ahead and wash that yourself. two days later he’s got a sensible water bottle well-insulated enough that he doesn’t have to worry about condensation fucking up his grip. in an emergency it can be used as a bludgeon. robin has a water bottle but no one knows what it looks like because he never fucking brings it even though they have this conversation every goddamn night and it doesn’t matter if you get free slurpees from every gas station cashier you’ve ever saved from a robbery, that is not hydrating, drink some goddamn water and if you complain about having a headache later you’ll have only yourself to blame you horrible little sugar gremlin. 'okay but which robin’ all of them, they are all like this, barbara and steph never have a problem with bringing some goddamn water like a sensible person, why are boys like this.
Because apparently more people love Bat Daddy than they’re willing to admit
Dates – or rather, the process of planning them – are a little weird for the two of you
Despite him being wealthy and having had a reputation as a philanderer, Bruce is still a very devoted businessman with an entire enterprise to run. This may or may not clash with your own schedule, depending on what you do, but it is more likely Bruce’s schedule that needs the most consideration when plotting out a date
Then, of course, there’s your lover’s obvious nighttime job. It’s not even necessarily that he can’t take the night off; it’s just that those nights are few and far in between. Though now that he’s getting older and has a significant other to appreciate in his life, he does attempt to make more of an effort to take at several nights or so per month off.
This may not seem like much, but considering what he does…
I wanna know how ridiculous Tim’s excuses for broken bones/other obvious injuries get when he’s out in public?? like I bet he makes up increasingly wild and fantastic stories and the press just eats it up.
“Mr Drake! Tell us how you broke your hand!”
“Hm? Oh, see, so Bruce and I went on a trip to Alaska! Long story short, I punched a bear that was getting a little too close for comfort, haha.”