oh boys i just love you

Thoughts on my child

1. what the fuck is on his ribs do yall see that shit?? It looks like something for binding and I’m hoping its just his skin but sfkfsakjlfjkl

2. hE’S TALL AS FUCK OMG FUCKFUCUFKCK

3.”lil guppy hello would you like this egg here I gots in my hand”

4. (Should be 1) I really hope the tall manfish fucks my mute lady here oh my oh yes

5. (should be 0.5) do yall think his dick is a tentacle bc regular dicks are boring and I can totally get into a tenta-dick-

anonymous asked:

I hate being bisexual sometimes because I WANT to love women and prioritize them over men and woman-attracted men scare me but everyone's obsessed with my attraction to men whether it be people who think it makes me straight or people who make those "REMINDER THAT BI GIRLS LOVE BOYS" posi posts. It's like my existence is just for men and I hate it so much

Oh yeah, I completely feel you. People see us as vessels of attraction to men and it’s exhausting. And some bi people don’t deal with this properly. Those “let bi girls love boys” posts (which are usually written by teenagers, lol) are generated by their genuine hurt at being reduced to men/male desire, but they articulate that frustration in the wrong way. Instead of saying “let bi girls date boys”, those posts should say that “reminder that it’s incredibly misogynistic and homophobic to reduce bi girls to men and that even if bi girls are in m/f relationships they’re still bi and they’re still whole people deserving of respect”. 

So everyone else hates us and idiots in our community don’t approach that hatred in a productive manner. 

anonymous asked:

can I tell you how much I love Doyoung? Can I? I got no one else to say this to but Kim Doyoung is a blessing to this universe. His smile is everything that I live for, the way he laughs nervously when he gets teased or when he gets embarrassed. He's such a perfect human being, not only is he talented but boy is so compassionate and filled with love for his family, friends and fans. He deserves the world, the world doesn't deserve him. What did this universe do to deserve him? I got carried away

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDD YESSSSSSSSSSSS TO EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID!!!!!!!!!!1 you can always tell me about how much you love doyoung !!!!! please do !!!!!!!!!!!! he deserves more love and so it’s ok for u to get carried away *-* this is so sweet;;;;;;;;;;;;;i love reading what everyone else has to say about him ♥♥

anonymous asked:

You cannot tell me that Peter Parker didn't try to throw a rock at your window to be romantic, but ended up miscalculating his spider strength and smashing you window (someone's probably already thought of this but oh well) ~Tessa

TESSA YES I LOVE THIS ít’s especially funny if you have an apartment on like the 4th floor because your mum’s like “y/n? how did you crack your window?” and you can’t just be like “lol sorry peter’s got superhero strength so it happens sometimes” 

basically peter’s reaLLY NEEDS TO CONTROL THAT (& sorry i’m replying to ur other message on this bc i’m a lazy slut) 

[Honestly I’m not sure if the guy broke up with his girlfriend or not… they might not be together anymore and I feel bad for liking him if they still are but I just can’t help it… also sorry for ranting, I rarely have boy problems (besides with Tom Holland) so when I do it’s like 😭😭😭 ~Tessa]

hey u should totally check out if they’re still together * suggestive eyebrows* because he sounds lovely!! and so do you so like instant match?? 

but don’t worry bb, always come to rant about love troubles ♥ i definitely have my own lmao 

tagged by: @tuclock

Name: Ivano

Nickname: Vin, Vano

Zodiac: sagittarius

Height: 1.54m…

Sexual Orientation: most comfortable with pan

Ethnicity: caucasian

Favorite Fruit: blueberries, strawberries, passion fruit

Season: fall and winter to cool down my anger

Book: book

Flower: i like most flowers

Scent: coconut, lavender, lime

Color: teal

Animal: cats, beetles and a lot of other animals cus i love em

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: hot chocolate

Average hours of sleep: 3-4h

Cat or Dog: i prefer cats but dogs are always good too

Favorite Fictional Character: too many

Number of blankets: 1

Dream Trip: just anywhere nice and calm and where there’s enough interesting things to see and do

Blog created: man maybe 2012-2013? oh boy

Number of followers: 235 i’m a humble man

I tag: alright i will tag a few people for once @bacongun @christaofficial @deitygaze @feralfiona  …go ahead if you wanna do it!

I’ve legit seen some people saying that it’s normal that Jin doesn’t get more lines because “he’s just a visual”. Oh really? He’s just a visual? My dudes, have you got ears? Have you ever heard “Converse High”? “Mom”? “I Love You”? Don’t you know “Awake” aka the fucking Masterpiece? Kim Seokjin is so much more than just a visual. He’s an amazing vocalist, a hardworker, and I’ll never stop saying that he deserves so much more than the crumbs he gets.

I really need some like, otayuri fluff in my life rn?? Like pls

•At the beach and Otabek cant swim so Yuri tries to teach him how to swim
•it turns into a giant mess tho because Yuri is apparently a really shitty teacher
•Otabek kisses his frustrations away and instead they make sand castles

•Otabek can draw?? What?? So Yuri lays down on the couch in the LEAST sexy pose and says “draw me like one of your french girls”
•Beka takes a whopping 5 minutes on it, coloring and all, and they laugh at it for 10 minutes
•Later when Yuri falls asleep during the movie at the other end of the couch, Otabek sneaks down and actually does a very nice portrait of Yuri asleep
•Yuri has them both framed in his apartment next to each other

•Yuri constantly buys shit for Beka because he has like no impluse control
•Guys this boy has like a $1,000 backpack okay dont talk to me
•Anyways one day he buys Beka this leather jacket that looks like it belongs in a Lady Gaga music video. Its a crop top jacket with studs and fringe EVERYWHERE and Yuri LOVES IT
•After mails it, like, a week later, Otabek posts a pic on instagram of him, leaning against his bike, in leather skinny jeans and the jacket with ray bands on and it goes like, viral over night. Yuri is s h o o k. Otabek texts him later like, “Oh, by the way, thanks for the jacket Babe”

Give me the boys being silly and stupid and in love p l e a s e

How the signs are Misunderstood

Aries~ A lot of people think Aries is a very traditionally “masculine” sign, in the sense that they take control and are very tough. They don’t feelphased by the cruelties of life? Right? Nope, Aries is the baby of the zodiac and approaches life with an almost niave optimism. They are very sensitive, amd while they are very resilent amd strong, people tend to overestimate them. Others tend to put them in situations that deep down overwhelm them.

Taurus~ Some may view this Archetype as very boring, stuck in their ways and emotionally hollow. However, the Taurus archetype tends to express much like a cat.
Their emotions are very internal, steady and subtle. But just because something is subtle… it does not mean it isn’t there.

Gemini~ Two faced. Gossipers. Backstabbers. Boy oh boy, do people love to hate on Gemini. I wonder if it’s just a trend? However Gemini is like a chameleon.
Boundary disillusionment.
Gemini is so easily taken advantage of and confused in this era of technology and social media.
Gemini is actually very free flowing, and stress free when expressed in a healthy way. Gemini can be your best friend, your mother and your wing man all at once.

Cancer~ Overlysensitive, reactive is a better way to put it. The Cancer archetype is very patient, especially with others emotions. They stay calm in chaotic situations. They are your rock and you didn’t even know it, let alone take the time to thank them.

Leo~ Selfish. Leo can be very tolerant, almost to a fault. Leo is very happy go lucky, and wants everyone to have a good time. They are extremely generous, especially with their presence and warmth. They like to make people feel comfortable.

Virgo~ Control freaks. Virgos are very laidback and let loose a lot more than you might think. As long as things have a precise foundation, where they feel safe, why not dance on top of it? Some of the most fun people you will ever meet will have strong Virgo aspects.

Libra~ Hmm maybe Vain? Or shallow? Libra is an air sign. And they think and feel very deeply, they do have an eye for beauty and perfection. They chase after it because why not? Life is short, why not have beautiful things? Libras are very zen and spiritual deep down. They usually only share this with people they are close to, because while they’re friendly to everyone and love to socialize, they also like to keep things to themselves. Libra is actually very private with things they care about.

Scorpio~ Sexual deviants. My god, I could go on and on about this but I’ll spare you. Scorpio is about purity, truth and intimacy.
Intimacy doesn’t always have to be sexual.
For example, A father and his child playing and laughing together; The moment is intimate because their guards are down. There is no facade, or a need to be something your not in order to be loved.
It’s a moment of truth and purity, when humans can truly bond, and love.

Sagittarius~ Wild and free. Not that those are bad things, Sagittarius actually responds very well to organization amd structure. Earth exalts in Sagittarius, while they always seem so carefree, they are very sensitive and put a lot of high expectations on themselves. They feel down when they feel they aren’t fulfilling their highest potential.

Capricorn~ Cold. Standoffish. Capricorn can be so warm and loving it would just blow your mind. While they tend to keep to themselves, They love to have fun. Just keep it simple and let them know a week in advance. They will laugh with you and cry with you and miss you when you leave.

Aquarius~ Know it all. Weirdo. While Aquarius is usually very modern and is always flying forward into the future, They do value traditional things. These things may seem random and misplaced to you, but it makes perfect sense to them. Some see them as cryptic and hard ti understand, but their words flow out so eloquently. So in touch. So grounded.

Pisces~ Self-destructive. Airheads. Pisces can be very into self-help and obscure health facts and practices. For example, using a copper tongue scraper because its good for your kidneys. They love nature and resonate with it so easily. If anything they’re are the most in touch with reality. The reality of emotion. The reality of the things we can’t explain.

4

Link Strikes

 Or: “How have they not accidently killed each other?” ft. Noctis and Ignis

Also let’s appreciate Ignis

Lance dropping casual observations about Keith is a pure and good thing.

They’re on a new planet and Lance is trying out the food at a local festival. He’s thankful for the green goop and Hunk has done wonders in experimenting with the flavor, but sometimes a guy needs a little more variety. Or at least something that tastes like coconut. He grabs some sort of kabob looking thing and takes a small bite. As soon as the flavor hits him, he’s bounding across the room waving the dish excitedly in Keith’s face shouting, “Dude you HAVE to try this, you’re gonna love it.”

It’s hot pink with green stripes an….fuzzy? Keith raises an eyebrow at the striped mammalian horror for a moment, then narrows his eyes at Lance. “It’s not going to turn me green or make me throw up is it?”

Lance rolls his eyes. “That was one time, get over it already. Nothing weird is going to happen, I just know you have a sweet tooth so I think you’ll like it.”

Keith is blindsided by the statement. How does Lance even know that? What the quiznak? He doesn’t realize he’s silently staring at Lance until the blue paladin is waving the food in his face once again. “Are you gonna try it or what?”

Keith brushes the surprise off; he’ll think about it later. “Um… yeah, sure. Stop trying to stab me in the face with it, jeez.”

Keith ends up eating 11 of the seussian skewers before they go back to the castle for the night.



“What are you nervous about?”

Keith’s posture stiffens. He didn’t even hear Lance enter the common room. “What makes you think I’m nervous?”

Lance climbs over the back of the couch to seat himself on it - because he can’t just be normal and walk around to sit like a normal person - before answering. “You’re staring off into space, ha, and messing with the Velcro on your gloves. You only do that when you’re nervous about something.”

“How do you even know that?!” The question tumbles out of Keith’s mouth without explicit permission.

Lance pulls his legs up to cross them and raises an eyebrow. “I pay attention, obviously.” He looks away before adding “So….what’s wrong.”

They talk for a while. It’s not a magic cure, but Keith doesn’t feel like the universe is completely falling apart afterwards. It’s…nice.

Pidge finds the t-shirt on one of their trips to the space mall. It says something along the lines of “Edge Lord” on it in an alien tongue and Pidge thought it was the most hilarious thing they had ever seen an immediately bought it. Keith wrinkles his nose at it, but leaves the room to pull it on anyways. He’s never really had a family, but Pidge is so much like a younger sibling and they looked so proud of the gift. He doesn’t want to let them down. So, he slips it on and marches back into the training deck, determined to not be embarrassed. Which meant that Lance had made his way into the room just before Keith returned, of course.

Lance actually does a double take before he’s consumed with laughter. Keith pouts. When the full body howling finally dies down to more of a giggle, Lance looks over at Pidge. “Is THAT the shirt you bought him?”

They grin, “Yup.”

“God bless you Pidge. I can’t believe you got him to wear it though, Keith hates the color orange.” There’s no time for Keith to wonder how it is that Lance became privy to that information because Lance gives him another look over and grins. “With good reason too. It’s definitely not your color dude.”

Keith immediately pulls the boot off of his left foot and chucks it at Lance’s head. He doesn’t actually throw it hard, but he also doesn’t miss. 

Hunk finds a shop that sells space candy on another trip to the space mall a few weeks after the t-shit incident. They look and taste like jelly beans and even come in a myriad of assorted colors. Everyone on the ship is basically obsessed with them. No one brings it up, but the space jellies, as lance loving calls them, remind everyone on the team of home. It’s bittersweet and Coran makes sure the kitchen is well stocked with them. 

It’s the middle of the night and Keith can’t sleep, so he drags himself to the kitchen for a midnight snack. Lo and behold, he notices a certain Cuban boy sitting on the counter tossing space jellies in the air and trying to catch them with his mouth. Lance’s antics are ridiculous, but they’re also kind of…. endearing? Keith shakes the thought from his head and rolls his eyes for good measure before making his way to the pantry. 

If it had been anyone else, there would have been at least three boxes left and a cold juice sitting there waiting for the taking. BUT it’s Keith, so that means the last box of space jellies is currently being consumed by Lance who rattles a half finished box and says, “Looking for these?”

When Keith turns to face him, Lance is grinning from ear to ear. It’s definitely not cute. “You took the last one.”

Lance’s smile doesn’t falter at Keith’s grumpy tone. “Sure did.”

Keith huffs and turns back to the pantry, resigns himself to grabbing a bag of little pea shaped things that taste like banana at first, but leave a burnt toast aftertaste. Pidge is obsessed with them, Keith doesn’t really get it but he needs something to snack on so he sits a the table and tears opens the bag.

A few minutes go by and the silence is only broken up by Lace humming a few bars of some song Keith has never heard before. He likes it though and he’ s almost tempted to ask Lance to hum it a little louder. But that’s weird. So he just stares at his pea things and occasionally places one in his mouth.

A box is suddenly placed in front of Keith as Lance slides onto the seat directly across from him smiling. “You like the black ones, right?” He says it with an air of confidence that only Lance possesses but there’s some sort of undertone to it that Keith can’t quite identify. Fondness maybe?

Keith shifts his gaze from the boy in front of him back down to the box of space jellies. There are quite a few of Keith’s preferred jellies in there and it almost seems like Lance had planned on saving all of them for Keith before he even came into the kitchen. Keith pushes the thought away and looks back up at Lance to mutter a thank you. When Lance smiles this time it’s blinding and genuine. Keith has to avert his gaze yet again, because when Lance gives him that specific brand of smile… his heart starts to do weird things.

The humming starts again and when Keith is done with his jellies they clean up and Lance walks him to his room. The “Goodnight” Lace utters before heading to his room is accompanied with a small wave and a soft smile. Keith falls back to sleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. 

They’re sitting side by side on the floor of the bridge staring upwards at the holographic image of Earth’s sun and all of the stars surrounding it. It doesn’t happen every night, not that there’s really a night or a day in space, either way they should both be asleep at these time none the less, but it’s not uncommon for one of them to find the other sitting by a window looking out at the endless space that surrounds them at all times now.

Sometimes they just sit together in comfortable silence. Sometimes they make up stupid constellations to make one another laugh. Occasionally they’ll both lay down next to each other as they look out a window at an unfamiliar planet and talk about all kinds of things in muted tones. 

Tonight though, there was something about the look in Lance’s eyes that made Keith take him by the wrist and lead him to the bridge to look at the familiar stars they’d both grown up staring at. 

Keith smiles as he points to another cluster and says, “That’s Lyra.”

Lace looks up. “It’s small.”

“Yep.” The red paladin nods. “It’s the 52nd constellation in order from largest to smallest, but Vega is part of the constellation and that’s the fifth brightest star in Earth’ s night sky.”

Lance pulls his legs to his chest and rests his chin on his knees. “Isn’t there a myth behind it about a musician or something?”

“Yeah, Orpheus. The story is pretty sad actually.”

Lance spares Keith a glance paired with a smirk before looking back at the hologram. A half smile shouldn’t twist Keith’s stomach like that, but it does. “Greek mythology usually is Keith.” There’s a brief pause before Lance turns back to Keith again and asks “Will you tell me the story?” 

This time Lance doesn’t look away. His gaze is fixed on Keith and the expression he’s making and the tone of voice he’s using isn’t quite as unfamiliar to Keith anymore as it was four months back. In fact, he gives Keith that look every night they sit together under the stars, and sometimes throughout the day when he thinks no one is looking, or when he catches Keith laughing at one of his jokes. Lance looks at Keith like precious, like he’s the most beautiful thing in the universe and it never fails to make Keith’s mouth go dry or increase his heartrate.

“You don’t want to hear me ramble about some random Greek tragedy.” He can’t look away from those eyes. Who awarded Lance the right to have such perfect blue eyes? They’re the pools of water you land in when you’ve followed the river down the waterfall and Keith has never been a strong swimmer. It’s not fair.

“I do.” Lance sounds so sincere. Why does he have to sound like that? Why is his voice so soft and fond? Two syllables came out of that mouth. Simple words, three letters, one space between the first and the last two when written down, and they still manage to knock the breath from Keith’ s lungs. 

When it’s just him and Keith, Lance is different. The obnoxious jokes, and the issuing of lame little competitions between the two of them, and the occasional bickering are all still there even when they’re alone. Keith just feels like there’s something…extra. Like bonus content you only get when you’ve purchased the collector’s edition of a game or something. Lance’s edges get softer and he’s more honest about what he’s feeling when no one else is in the room. He’s  a little more sincere, more prone to being serious, and it’s stunning.

“Please? I like to hear your voice.” Keith still can’t manage to tear his eyes away from the boy sitting next to him, and he knows. He knows that he’s beat red. It’s so, so embarrassing, but he still takes a deep breath when his lungs figure out how they’re supposed to work again and he starts telling the story. 

“So, you were right. Orpheus was a musician, but not like any run of the mill musician, he was the best harpist in all of Greece, even the gods acknowledged his talents.” Lance whistles and Keith tries very hard to not be distracted by the way his lips pucker to make the sound. “Umm…. So, on his wedding day his wife, Eurydice, got separated from the wedding party and got bit on the heel by a snake while she was running away from a Satyr with… less that pure intentions and died.”

“That’s awful.” It’ s almost a whisper.

“Yeah, it really is.” Keith pauses for a moment to silently mourn a fictional nymph. Which, okay yeah it’s probably dumb, but whatever. If Keith had learned anything in the last six months of constant warfare, it’s that patience yields focus and you should always respect the dead. He continues, “Anyways, Orpheus was so heartbroken that he decided to take a journey to the underworld to strike a bargain with Hades to get her back. So when he got there he just started playing this song, and it was so beautiful that even the stones around them start crying and it moved both Hades and his wife Persephone’s hearts or whatever, so Hades cut him a deal.”

“He told Orpheus that if he started walking to the gates of Hell Eurydice would follow behind him and be returned to the world of the living, but only if he didn’t look back at her until they were both out of Hades’ domain. So he walked and walked and had to keep reminding himself that no matter how much his heart told him to, he couldn’t look back. So, when he reached the upperworld he finally looked back, except he forgot to account for the fact that Eurydice could be farther than a foot behind him. She hadn’t reached the entry yet, so she was dragged back down to stay in the world of the dead.”

Lance makes a small sound, whining sound. It’s the same sound Lance always makes when he hears something sad or sees wounds on a comrade after a battle. Keith reaches a hand out to push Lance’s bangs back partly because he knows it’s the easiest way to sooth the blue paladin, and partly because it was an excuse to touch him.

He pulls his hand back, not without reluctance but he still has the rest of the story to tell and being mesmerized by Lance melting under his fingertips would be a little too distracting for Keith to remember how words work. “After that he only ever played sad music. There are a few different versions of how the myth ends, but the one that’s told most often is that in his grief he didn’t pay tribute to the god of wine and he was torn limb from limb as punishment. The muses carried his harp into the sky to form Lyra and immortalize Orphus’s tragedy in the night sky.”

All at once there’s a weight on Keith’s side that was not previously there. Lance had closed the small space between them so that he could rest his head against Keith’s should and lean into him. 

Lance makes an amused sound. “Of course your favorite constellation in the sky would be the one with the with the most depressing love story behind it.”

Keith furrows his brow. He’s been pointing out different constellations all night and he just doesn’t get how Lance picked out his favorite one so easily. His heart does something weird again. It’s painful and also…  pleasant? warm? nice? 

Keith does it too, though. Off of the top of his head he could tell you that Lance hates everything remotely flavored like cooked carrots, but will eat anything that tastes like raw ones. He could write poems about how Lance always worries his bottom lip with his teeth when he’s not quite sure what to say. He could almost list all of the names of the people in Lance’s absurdly large family in alphabetical order and tell you at least two facts about each one of them. Keith could tell you all about how Lance mumbles under his breath in Spanish when he’s scared or exhausted. It wouldn’t sound as pretty, but he could hum you all of the songs Lance sings when he’s happy.

Keith know without a shadow of a doubt why he remembers every tiny detail that Lance has ever revealed to him. There wasn’t a specific moment he realized he was in love with Lance, it had been happening slowly for a long time now. And, yeah, Keith thinks he has an idea as to  why Lance knows so many small truths about him too. He’s just… never asked for confirmation. So he plays with the velcro on his gloves for split second before deciding to take them off completely and setting them aside. He burns a hole in the projected image of Earth’s sun and bites the bullet.

“Why do you keep doing that?”

Lance lifts his head from Keith’s should and settles his chin in it’s place so that he gets a better view of Keith’s profile. “Doing what?”

Keith musters up the courage to turn his face and look directly into Lance’s eyes. Their noses are almost touching now. “Noticing all of these… I don’t know, these like, obscure little things about me that no one else notices. Like knowing I like black space jellies when I’ve never actually vocalized anything about that, or remember when Hunk tried to shove that plant in my face so I could smell it and you swatted it out of his hands because it looked like a tulip and you remembered I was allergic to them. Or knowing that my favorite color is blue and that my least favorite is burnt orange.”

“To be fair burnt orange is an awful color in general.”

“Okay, yeah, but you always know when I’m upset, or nervous, or happy because of some weird hand gesture that I usually don’t even know I’m doing until you point it out. Why do you know all of those things Lance? Why do you remember them?”

One of Lance’s eyebrows quirks up and he teases, “Do you really want to know?”

Keith let’s out an exasperated breath. “Well, I asked didn’t I? So yeah Lance, I want to know.”

The smirk falls off of Lace’s face and he shifts himself to sit on his feet so that his body is facing Keith’s. Lace keeps his eyes trained on the floor, looking like he’s waging some sort of internal battle, and when he finally looks back up at Keith there’s determination burning in his expression and maybe a little fear. 

Lance opens his mouth to speak…and then he closes it. He does this four times before bringing his folded hands up from his lap to cover his face. Lance complains into his hands in hushed Spanish. 

When he peaks out from between his fingers and then drops them uselessly back in his lap, his cheeks and ears are an adorable shade of red and he smiles at Keith sheepishly. “You know, for someone who talks so much, I’m really not all that great with words when it comes to stuff like this.” 

The words are accompanied by a self deprecating laugh. Keith frowns and tries to make his voice sound encouraging when he says “Take your time.”

Lance smiles, but there’s a bitter edge to it. “That’s the thing though, all I’ve been doing is taking my time. I’m kind of sick of it honestly. I keep trying to find the exact right words to say to you and I practice in my head and then as soon as I consider opening my mouth to say it, I just forget how to talk or I say something dumb. And it’s just so ridiculous, you know? Because it doesn’t have to be some drawn out dramatic speech like I keep telling myself. It’s actually just so stupidly simple and I don’t get why I’m so scared to mess it up. But really, how hard is it to say “because” and follow it up with three words? I look at you an I just…” Lance stares at him. “I just…” Lance lifts his hands and places them on either side of Keith’s face. 

Keith’s heart is trying to make its great escape by bludgeoning it’s way out of his chest. He’s pretty sure his entire rib cage is turning to dust and his body is down a set of lungs. They’ve just ceased existing. What are lungs? No clue, never heard of them.

“Keith.” Lance’s voice cracks just a little when he says the name and he swallows and starts again. “Keith. Keith Kogane. My buddy, my pal. I know that you have a sweet tooth, and that you love a good hug but don’t know how to ask for one when you need it. I know that you’re smart, and talented, and think butterscotch candies are the sole creation of the devil himself.”

Keith can’t help the laughter that escapes him and it makes Lance smile the way he always does when Keith so much as chuckles.

“I know that you have the best laugh I’ve ever heard. You have no idea how much I love that laugh. Seriously. I know you collect snow globes, and love conspiracy theories-”

“They’re not all just theories Lance, there’s a lot of evidence out -”

“Shhhhhh, you asked me a question and I’m trying to answer it and I’m kind of on a roll after mumbling for five minutes about how this wasn’t going to be some drawn out thing. But I’m just focusing on you instead of some practiced speech and I’m actually forming mildly coherent sentences, so be quiet. I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet.”

“I know a bunch of tiny little facts about you, and yeah sure part of that is because I’m super observant and totally cool,” he winks, “but I notice all of those things specially about you because…” Lance swallows hard and takes a calming breath. “I lo-”

Keith has been told many times that he gives into impulses too quickly, that he’s too impatient. And…yeah, it’s true, absolutely, and he’s working on it. No, really, he is! Try as he might though, he couldn’t handle another second of wanting to kiss Lance and not doing it when the opportunity clearly presented itself. 

It’s not the smoothest first kiss, but it’s not all teeth and bumping noses either, and it leads into soft drawn out kisses, and kisses that can barely even be called that because the two of them are grinning so wide. 

When Keith pulls away a faux pouty expression take over Lance’s face. “You didn’t even let me finish.” He starts to waggle his eyebrows in the most obnoxious way possible and says “These lips were just irresistible huh? I guess I’m just too smoochable.”

How the hell does Keith find this so cute? 

“Hey, Keith?” 

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Things I love about the new chapter cover!!!!

Mina literally kneeling on Aoyama’s back??? And the boy is just like??? Okay w/ it? I love it

SHINSO AND OJIRO!!! CHATTING!!! WITH EACH OTHER!!! LIKE FRIENDS!!!! AAAAH

Momo just like “oh, were you cut out of the picture Mineta? How unfortunate.” lololololol

TSU’S HAND ON OCHACO’S SHOULDER JUST LIKE

SOFTLY TOUCHES SOFT FRIEND THATS SO CUTE IM DEAD

Manga’s face just says third. He is an excited boy i am proud.

EVERYONE TOTALLY SURPRISED BY DARK SHADOW GETTING IN ON THE HYPE!

EVEN TOKOYAMI IS LIKE ‘WOAH DUDE”

Tamaki hiding behind Mirio noooo I love them (sobs) (unfortunately the seam isnt put together great here. Can’t wait for shonen jumps official digital release for the clean scans!)

FAT GUM IS A BIG!! ORANGE!!! I LOVE HIM!!!

THE DETAIL IN TOSHI’S WATCH!!! LOO AT THAT!! IM JUST ABOUT TO ASK MY BFF AT FOSSIL TO BUY ME ONE LIKE IT!!!

MY BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND AND SON

LOOK AT THEM!!!!

I LOVE THEM!!!!

“ERIC RICHARD BITTLE”

Suzanne’s voice could have frozen the Sahara. Bitty takes a quick look at his phone screen to confirm- Yes, it was her number.

‘…Mother?’ 

‘Did you honestly think I would never find out?’

He falters. What-

‘I’ve been following SOMEONE on social media, young man.’

‘- on social med- Mother! I-I wanted to tell you and Coach, I swear, I just didn’t know-’

‘And guess what I saw on poor Alexei’s Instagram?? JAM!!’

‘Oh- OH! JAM! Yes, that-’

‘YOUR AUNT JUDY’S JAM.’

‘Oh. Huh… I’m sorry?’

‘Have you been feeding those poor boys that awful excuse of a recipe?’

‘They love it! They tasted the lucky PB&J I made for Jack- and started asking for more, and I made a lot and in the end the whole Falconers team made requests and I kinda lost control?’

‘… Are you telling me that you gave that crap to SÉBASTIEN ST-MARTIN?’

That was his mother’s mad-as-hell voice. He would never recover from this.

Bitty panicked.

‘I’M GAY! I’M DATING JACK! WE’RE PROBABLY ELOPING TOGETHER AT THE END OF THE YEAR!’

There was a long silence at the other end of the line. Then, a scoff.

‘It’s a wonder you could land such a charming young man if you feed him YOUR AUNT JUDY’S JAM.’

Nope, he’s not escaping that one.

3

Summary:

Peter gets bullied in school and they all say that he could never get a girlfriend, so Y/N who’s rather popular at school just kisses him in front of every one.

Words: ~ 1500

No spoilers!

A/N: This took me way too long to write… so sorry! Tell me what you think! :)

×××

Walking through the overcrowded hallway, I felt myself being to tired to move and bumped against several people. Not that I cared.

Normally I didn’t care about much going on in school, referring to the people. I did care about my grades and my career and all- but the people in school? I didn’t care at all about them apart from my friends.

It’s not that I didn’t like them. I mean, I was quite popular in school and I talked to a lot of students over the day. But honestly, I didn’t really listen when they told me about the last party or a concert they went to.

But there was one person that I cared about who wasn’t part of my friends even though I hoped I would have more contact with him. Body contact, too.

It was Peter Parker, the nobody of our school. No one seemed to notice him apart from me. His gorgeous face with the sweet hazel eyes and the fluffy auburn hair…
Yes, he was my secret crush that nobody knew about and nobody ever would.

I kept my little secret a long time, talking to him occasionally or having school projects together which lead to me falling in love with him.

He was so clever and his shy side was so cute that I just couldn’t handle it. I loved how kind he was and he always had something interesting to ramble about.

Nothing caught my attention while walking through the hall way, apart from him. I saw him standing at his locker, opening it to put a book inside. Me and my friends stopped at my best friend’s locker and I occasionally let my gaze slip to Peter for a few seconds.

I jumped when Flash and his friends appeared out of nowhere and pushed Peter against his locker after he had closed it. “What a looser you are!”, Flash exclaimed after Peter groaned loadly, getting everyone’s attention.

“Sorry to ruin your face but with these looks you won’t get a girlfriend, anyway.”, Flash claimed and his friends laughed at this comment before he pushed Peter again.
And Peter only stood there, head down, shoulders stiff while Flash threw several mean words at him.

But when Flash grabbed Peter’s backpack from his hands Peter looked up, his face filled with anger as Flash started throwing all of his stuff on the ground.
“Oh, what’s this?”, Flash exclaimed when he took a piece of paper from the ground. “DEAR Y/N, I wish i had the courage to tell you that I’d walk through fire just to see you smile…”, he started to read and I saw everyone’s eyes stare at me, making my face heat up.

I unconsciously made eye contact with Peter who seemed to be internally screaming. And while I was glued to the spot, not able to speak or think, Flash continued bullying him.

“But you do know”, he laughed, “You do know that someone like Y/N Y/L/N would never love you, right?” Oh, boy, how wrong you were…
I saw Peter’s head lowering again, his fingers brushing over his face before they ran through his hair.
Flash laughed triumphantly and suddenly I felt the strong urge to prove a point.

Someone like Y/N Y/L/N would definitely love Peter Parker.

My legs brought myself over to them, even though my friend’s arm grabbed me slightly. But I ignored it and shoved Flash ’s friends aside so that I could get to Peter.

“Peter, you told me you wouldn’t drag this old thing with you.”, I laughed, rolling my eyes and earning a very confused and very cute look from Peter.
“See? I told you that someone would think that you’re single.”

In the corner of my eye I saw Flash looking at me as confused as Peter and I smiled to myself.
And then I laid my hands on his shoulders and leaned in quickly, pressing my lips on his.

Ignoring the electricity coming from him and the urge to kiss him forever, I pulled back after a few seconds of giving in.

Peter’s face stated pure shock and he stared at me nervously before I smirked at him. “Bye, Peter, see you later.”, I smiled proudly, wandering off to my next class and ignoring everyone’s dazzled looks.

I let out a shaky breath I didn’t know I was holding. This had been life changing.

“Wait, Y/N, what the hell was that?”, my friend wanted to know, a strange look on her face.
“Spontaneous.”, I only answered, shrugging. “Yeah, I know. But what were you thinking?”, she asked and now there was a worried look that made me angry somehow. It seemed like she thinks something is wrong with me just because I kissed my crush. Okay, secrete crush. She couldn’t know this part.

“Nothing really. I just thought that Flash is a dick and Peter doesn’t deserve this.”, I simply said and only got a confused “Okay…” as an answer.

Later that day I sat down at a bench outside, my eyes roaming over the campus. I enjoyed being alone at lunch. Not because of my friends! I simply enjoyed the time to think without talking slash gossiping.

I thought about the kiss, obviously.

Was it right? Apart from the fact that probably the whole school knew it by now, Peter knew too.

But still, I was proud of myself: Helping someone by proving his bully wrong. Somehow it made me feel strong.

And there was another positive aspect, as well. I had kissed my crush Peter Parker!

Thinking of the devil… Peter suddenly stood next to me, a nervous grin on his face.
“Can… uh… Can I join you?”, he chuckled, nodding his head towards the empty seat in front of me. “Sure.”, I nodded, a smile on my face which was maybe a bit too wide.

He let out a relieved sigh as he sat down, letting his bag fall on to the ground.
“Rough day?”, I asked and he only nodded before he leaned forward slightly, his arms supporting his weight.

“Uhm, yeah.”, he replied before biting his lip, my eyes not being able to look at something else but him.
“Actually, it wasn’t that bad.”, he chuckled softly, his brown eyes meeting mine.

“Yeah?”, I grinned and he just nodded with a cute smile on his lips. Oh, how soft those lips had felt on mine…

A few moments of comfortable silence passed before my mind brought back the letter that Flash found in Peter’s backpack.
“Uhm, Peter…”, I started but paused briefly when his beautiful eyes stared at me, “I was wondering… I mean… would you… Would you really walk through fire to see me smile?”
He nodded instantly without a word, nervously fiddling with his fingers before my hands grabbed his. I couldn’t help but smile, my heart beat running in my chest.
“You know, you don’t need to do this. I start smiling as soon as you smile at me.”, I clarified, earning a grin from him and I returned it instinctively.

“Uh, I… um, I wanted to thank you for… you know.”, he began and I only shrugged, playing it cool,“No problem.”
“But the whole school thinks were a couple now.”
“Is that bad?”, I wanted to know, a flirty tone in my voice.

Peter shook his head, causing his brown strands to dance on his fore head. “No, it’s not bad at all.” He clearly gained some confidence when I grinned at his answer. “I liked kissing you.”, he confessed, tilting his head. “No, that’s an understatement. I loved kissing you.”

“That’s good.”, I laughed before grabbed the collar of his shirt and nearly pulled him over the table to feel his soft lips on mine again.

He was able to place his fore arms on the table to support his weight before our eyes closed and our lips met. He hummed softly when I started moving my lips and my grib on his collar loosened since I had him where I wanted. My cheeks blushed due to all to blood that my heart pumped through my veins and I felt the excitement rushing through my whole body.
My fingers wandered up to the back of his neck, playing with some of his strands after Peter tilted his head to deepen the kiss, causing my mind to go mushy.

He pulled himself back slightly, a huge grin on his face when I ran my fingers through his hair. “You like me.”, he breathed out and I nodded before I pecked his lips briefly.

He leaned back again, giving me a charming smile. I had to bite my lip to hid that huge smile on my face which Peter saw anyway and I felt my heart skipping a beat.

This one question wether I wanted to be Peter’s girlfriend was definitely in his head but there was no need to voice it.

He knew that I was in love with him.

You won’t touch my son and I’m not talking about James.
— 

the sentence that saved Sirius’ life

“I suggest you stay out of this Euphemia, this is none of your business.”

“Oh, you made it my business when this boy showed up in my living room, barely breathing,” shot back Euphemia with all the rage that had been building up in her. Sirius was hiding behind her, careful not to catch Walburga’s piercing eyes.

“You are exaggerating,” she replied. “Nothing wrong with a little tough love.”

“I know an Unforgivable Curse when I see one Walburga,” she hissed just loud enough for people around them to hear, Walburga was turning purple with anger. “If I could, I would take Regulus from you, too, before he ends up dead from your tough love.”

“How dare you speak to me like that?”

“The same way you dare torture your children Walburga,” she said without blinking. “Now let go of my wrist and stay away from my sons.”

This just in, local teenage boys on a date after successfully defeating a coven of vampires

dating peter parker would include...

dedicated to my harrison bestie anon in hopes it makes them smile :) also yes it’s really fuckin long i’m sorry i just love peter parker and have a lot of feelings

  • you actually hate to tell the story of how you two met because it’s mortifiying oh mygod
  • peter, however, loves to watch u blush about it even though it was only really embarrassing when it happened
  • taking the subway to school like every other day, you obviously had spent too many hours on the internet so u were tired as hell 
  • so tired you couldn’t grab the pole in time when the subway stopped
  • and you in an ungraceful manner, tripped, stumbled and fell
  • into his lap
  • his l a p 
  • you still get red cheeks when remember just how embarrassing it was
  • oh my god! i c-can’t believe that- i-i, i’m so so sorry- h-holy shit–
  • peter did find it extremely awkward but your mortified and blushing red face was so much more adorable 
  • n-no, it’s fine– d-do you want my seat?
  • o-oh no, it’s alright. i’d just like to crawl into a hole somewhere. sudden amnesia works too.
  • AND BOY
  • a cute girl with wit and oh my is that a nerdy shirt????
  • from them on, you had his entire heart 
  • yes i will totally be writing a full on imagine for this
  • you guys weren’t friends for long if u know what i mean 
  • like you had already face planted into his lap so you skipped most of the awkward interactions
  • you were kinda like ‘ah what the hell’ 
  • you did it while you guys were walking home together, like usual
  • hey peter, can you hold this for me?
  • yeah?” 
  • and you just grabbed his hand, grinning at him with wink 
  • cue the cutest blushing from peter 
  • peter goddamn nearly had a heart attack but couldn’t stop smiling the entire walk home 
  • he was really sad when he reached your building 
  • but then you stood on ur tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek so he wasn’t that sad
  • eventually kisses on the cheeks became kisses on the lips & it wasn’t official but you two just knew
  • let’s be real, peter is the worlds biggest dork so movie marathons are so common
  • i mean everything– star wars, back to the future, jurassic park, like man you name it 
  • and if u were a nerd too, then oH boy he would just be in a constant state of heart eyes 
  • he would be anyways but extra heart eyes if u geek out
  • c’mon pete, hurry that cute lil ass up! it’s rogue one!!
  • oh my god, please marry me right now.
  • you guys definitely try to quote movies as much as possible
  • i love you” ”i know *intense blushing* diD YOU JUST–
  • he has a such soft spot for when you guys marathon disney movies not that he tells you that
  • something about you lighting up & singing along makes him go !!!!!!! inside
  • no you two never perform disney duet songs together never ever have you done that why do u ask
  • (your favourite one to perform is hakuna matata because its a goddamn classic and peter gets so into it)
  • (breaking free from hsm is a close second because damn can peter hit those notes when he really tries)
  • peter parker is such an admirer like you dont even know
  • he could stare at you for hours and its pretty much what gets him through the day tbh
  • in fact, he has all your birthmarks and freckles committed to memory because shes so pretty i can’t deal with this
  • he blushes SO MUCH when you catch him staring
  • but lets be real, you were staring at him too
  • he blushed even more when he found that out because oh my fucking god she was staring at me do i look weird is there something on my face
  • but when you’re like no you goof, i’m admiring youu get 
  • BLUSHING STUTTERING STAMMERING PETER PARKER
  • he just never stops blushing 
  • he! would! try! so! hard! at everything 4 you
  • baking? hell yeah he’ll bake for u
  • singing? eh he’ll give it a go (but only for you)  
  • dancing? he hates it but he loves to watch u laugh and smile with him so he does it anyways (even if he sucks)
  • speaking of dancing
  • peter loves it when u dance
  • especially when you stay over and he wakes up to you dancing around the kitchen or his room 
  • his favourite is catching you off guard when you’re grooving to some 80′s song
  • babe– cutting himself off with his own laughter, i don’t think that’s dancing.
  • he loves to tease you about your funky dancing because seeing his girl blushing is like his second favourite thing
  • (the first being your smile because it completely melts his insides and everything is better when you smile at him)
  • you also love it when he’s teasing because all you have is pout and suddenly peter’s showering you in kisses 
  • peter is such a sucker for kisses
  • actually he’s such a hopeless romantic & lover of cliches like
  • constantly bringing you flowers he finds on nightly patrols? check 
  • stopping so you two can share a cutesy kiss in the rain? check 
  • dumb pick up lines that still make you laugh? check 
  • tbh you both do pickup lines
  • hey, hey y/n, are you the square root of -1? because you can’t be real 
  • are you kIDDING– NO I’M NOT BLUSHING AT YOUR DUMB PICK UP LINE GO AWAY PARKER
  • he just giggles at you from the bed
  • except when you do it, its a different story
  • hey hey hey, peter 
  • hmm?” 
  • are you related to yoda? because yodalicious.
  • peter just falls off the bed 
  • you don’t even ask if he’s alright, you just cut straight to laughing at his reaction
  • s-shut up! this isn’t because of your pick up line!! i was startled! 
  • even though he’s trying to hide his face in a pillow, you can see his pink cheeks
  • sure, peter, sure. 
  • aunt may is both a blessing and a curse to both of you 
  • because she spills BOTH OF YOUR SECRETS
  • like you can’t ramble to her about peter because she will tell him everything
  • with you in the same room 
  • oh peter, you’re wearing that shirt? i know y/n loves it, she was talking just the other day about how she find it so hot– 
  • “MAY HE DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW”
  • peter secretly really wants to know what you said about him 
  • but aunt may does it to peter too and he hates it
  • “seriously y/n, you should hear the things he says about you, i swear he’s turned into some lovesick–”
  • “nO MAY SHH YOU CAN STOP NOW”
  • makeout sessions ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • you both l o v e them 
  • funnily enough, peter is the one who usually starts them 
  • hey y/n, you’ve got something on your face, let me just– *kisses you all over you face*
  • because he’s more than ahead in his classes, ‘study dates’ really means makeout not that you mind though  
  • peter loves kisses everywhere
  • forehead kisses
  • nose kisses
  • shoulder kisses
  • eyelid kisses
  • back of the hand kisses
  • all the kisses
  • his absolute favourite kiss is the one he receives from you in the morning when you’ve stayed over
  • he’ll play with your hair softly and you’ll yawn & stretch and catch him gazing at you 
  • and you just smile and lean up and kiss him 
  • it never fails to make peters heart stop and when you pull away he just goes nooooooooooooo and pouts till you kiss him again 
  • it’s especially hard when you have to leave or part ways after school because peter turns into a needy lil boy
  • one more kiss! one more! 
  • peter you’ve said that seven times now!! 
  • you literally have to push his away, giggling and grinning, because otherwise he’s going to be late 
  • i swear to god parker, it’s only one class! 
  • and of course you know about him being spidey
  • you actually found out by accident 
  • you were searching thru his closest for something to wear when you stumbled across it 
  • tbh you thought it was a really dedicated costume at first
  • so you put it on and it was so fucking baggy man
  • hey peter! look at me, i’m the spider man! thwip thwip! 
  • except it was the real thing so 
  • y-y/n!! where did you find that??? 
  • don’t worry, i’ll keep your spider-man obsession a secret, peter.
  • but when you accidentally web peter’s hand to the wall, you figure out this suit is the real deal 
  • holy shit!! holy shit! you– you’re, this is the real, oh my god, you’re the spider-man!  
  • peter just panics because you’ve webbed him to the wall and he can’t actually do anything
  • no! no i’m not!
  • you freak out for like another minute before you gather your senses enough 
  • peter parker, do not play with me right now- are you spider-man?
  • would you believe me if i said it was a very detailed halloween costume?
  • after cutting him free, you squeezed him into the tightest hug because you were so goddamn proud of him 
  • but also because oh my god how many times had he risked his life and had you not known???? 
  • oh my god, this is so wicked i can’t believe you’re spider-man–
  • you can’t tell anyone! 
  • shh, you know i wouldn’t but holy god! you have to tell me everything
  • you’re not mad i didn’t tell you?” 
  • pfft, i’ll only be mad if you don’t tell me now.
  • yes i also want to make this an imagine
  • yes, you’re the one who patches him up which always ends in cuddles
  • basically you get to shower peter in constant love and affection because he would do that and more for you 
  • he’s just the perfect boyfriend??? 
  • i want a peter parker
Draco before the First Task
  • Lucius: That Potter boy won't last five minutes against a dragon
  • Draco: What are you saying Father? He's amazing. He'll definitely make it to ten. And then it'll be over only because he'll end it spectacularly with some daring stunt <3<3<3
  • Lucius: Oh Draco, you're so young and stupid and W R O N G
  • Draco: *glares*
  • Draco: *muttering* My Potter will hear about this

So I accidentally deleted the ask + forgot who requested a scorpius+drarry barista AU with fluff I’m so SORRY (i’m an idiot) but here’s it anyway, enjoy i guess -


“Scorpius, you are not marrying Harry Potter.”

It was 8 am, and Draco Malfoy was tired. His son - whom he loved very dearly, mind - had decided that 5 am that morning was the perfect time to start hollering at his dad to wake up. And four singing games, one magical performance of floating toys and three filthy diapers later Draco was ready to get on his knees and beg for his well-deserved coffee.

That Harry happened to be the barista at his most frequently visited coffeeshop was a mere coincidence.

Really.

(No matter how many times Pansy had laughed at him for it. It wasn’t Draco’s fault that the Golden Boy made the most amazing lattes known to men.)

“Papaaaaaa,” Scorpius whined, kicking his feet in the air. He had an impressive pair of lungs for a three-year-old. “But I love him!”

An elderly woman standing in front of Draco in the queue send him a smile - as if Scorpius was being endearing instead of impossible.

“Hush, Scorp,” Draco said, bouncing his son up and down in his arms, trying to get him to focus on something else that wasn’t his undying love for the Boy Who Lived. “I’m sure he loves you too.”

Scorpius’ smile was blinding. “He do.”

“He does,” Draco corrected automatically.

When Scorpius took that as his que to continue yelling to everyone in the small muggle coffeeshop that he loved Harry Potter, Draco fought the urge to slam his head through the nearest window.

Merlin, he needed his coffee.

Finally, finally, finally the queue disappeared and Draco was standing at the counter.

Harry, his hair standing in every direction and his impossibly cocky smile shining wide, waved at them. “Morning Draco, Scorp.”

Scorpius, suddenly shy, waved back silently.

“Morning,” Draco quipped, and quickly bounced Scorpius to his right hip so he had his other hand free. “I want a cappu with two shots espresso -”

“Early morning?”

“- and a hot chocolate milk for this tough guy,” Draco continued, unable to keep the smile from his voice.

“Coming right up.” Harry slid over to the coffee-machine and got to work - so uncharacteristically elegant and smooth Draco couldn’t do much else but watch.

He’d seen Harry at it more times than he could count. The way he’d flip the milk carton in the air before pouring it into the can to heat up. How he’d turn around on the ball of his feet to get the coffee beans, how he’d wink at Scorpius when he was melting the chocolate almost magically fast.

Scorpius had made Harry his hero - not because he was the boy who lived, not because Harry had saved the wizarding world ten year ago - but just because of this. His elegance. His seemingly magical way of moving around as if he were floating.

And for a second, staring at his ex-rival, Draco wanted to agree with his son.

Faster than he wanted it to have been Harry had made their orders, slipping it over the counter towards them. “There you go,” Harry said, “oh, and Scorpius -”

“Yeah?” Scorpius said quickly, enthusiastically.

“I love you very much, too.”

Scorpius turned beet-red, and immediately hid his face into his father’s chest.

Harry, smiling from ear to ear, turned to Draco. His face was almost impossible to look at, and for a fleeting moment Draco felt his cheeks warm up. Was he blushing? Oh dear Merlin.

“How much do I owe you?” Draco quickly asked, trying to calm down.

“Nothing,” Harry said airily, “it’s on the house.”

Normally Draco would’ve complained but he needed to leave, now - because dear Merlin he couldn’t stop blushing why couldn’t he stop blushing - and he grabbed the two cups, thanked him, and rushed out as quickly as he could.

It wasn’t until they were outside, Scorpius walking in front of Draco and drinking his hot chocolate, that Draco noticed the little heart written beside his name on the cup.

So when Draco came back to the coffeeshop that next morning, he tried not to think of it like a coincidence. Nor the fact that the hearts on his cup seemed to grow in number every time he came back again.

So his son might not be marrying Harry Potter - but in time, he just might.

Mister Hockey and the boy crying in the kitchen

(complete version)

Alternate Universe where Bitty is a figure skater at Samwell. He and Jack meet for the first time at #Epikegster 2014.

warning labels: Alcohol, mentioned homophobia, Parse. 


 Jack went down the stairs with a huff of annoyance. The first floor of the Haus was packed from wall to wall. Loup thumping music, laughter and yells that were barely tolerable from his room now seemed almost tangible, crushing him from all sides. He could already feel the beginnings of a headache.

 He pushed his way through and managed to reach the kitchen unscated. Only three guys were sitting at the table, loudly debating Plato’s cavern versus the Matrix, and another was leaning on the counter near the stove, muttering to himself.

Jack opened a cupboard, swore under his breath when he saw that it was empty of their usual mugs, glasses and bottles. He took a new red solo cup from the enormous pack available to all, and filled it with tap water, trying to ignore the guys at the table.

 ‘…aren’t you the most precious thing, baby…’

 Jack turned around. The guy next to the oven was muttering endearments with a southern drawl- but there was no one next to him. He wasn’t even holding a phone.

 Jack had a doubt. Was the guy talking to him?

 ‘Yes, you are lovely, a bit old, but I would love you, and take care of you, and create glorious things with you, oh sweetheart, if only…’

 The guy was not talking to Jack. He was talking to the oven.

 He was also, apparently, completely drunk.

 ‘… better things than pizza rolls, you can be sure of that, you sexy thing…’

 Jack was a moment away from heading back to his room when he heard a sob.

 ‘… but it’s not to be, pretty thing, you and I will have to go our own separate ways and- sniffle- get with our own lonely lives and - oh lord, I’m being ridiculous-’

 ‘Huh-’ started Jack. ‘Are you okay?’

 The guy turned around. He looked older than Jack expected. At least, he seemed to be over eighteen. Jack only had an impression of eyes and blond before he got the drunkest and fakest smile he ever saw in his life.

 ‘HI!’ said the boy. ‘Gosh, you’re big.’

‘… are you okay?’ repeated Jack.

 ‘Why, yes, of course! I’m peachy!’

 ‘You’re crying.’

 The guy seemed surprised by this fact. He dried his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie and made a dismissive gesture with his other hand.

 ‘Don’t mind me, sweetheart, I’m being silly.’

 ‘…You were crying,’ insisted Jack. ‘And talking to the oven.’

 ‘Well, no one else seemed to give her love, so I figured-’

 He stopped himself and looked at Jack.

 ‘You’re the Captain of the hockey team,’ he realised. ‘This is your house. This is your oven.’

 ‘…Yes? In a manner of speaking?’

 ‘What’s her name?’

 ‘Whose name?’

 ‘The OVEN,’ insisted the guy.

 ‘She- it doesn’t have a name?’

 ‘Blasphemy. If I had the chance to own such a lovely baby, I would name her something adorable! Like Daisy, or Betsy, and I would bake everyday, I would make pies and cookies and biscuits and-’

 He burst into tears.

 Jack threw a look around. The guys at the table were staring at them.

 ‘Dude, what’d you do to him?’

 ‘Nothing!’

 ‘D’you break up with him or something?’

 ‘No! We just met! He was talking about the oven- and then- and then-’

 He made a helpless motion towards the crying boy.

 ‘Maybe you should do something about it?’ suggested one of them.

 ‘Like what?’

 ‘Dunno. Something. To make him stop crying.’

 Jack hesitated. He thought about retreating to the safety of his room, where the music didn’t hurt his ears and blonde strangers didn’t burst into tears at the sight of a kitchen appliance.

 Awkwardly, he lifted a hand and patted the guy’s shoulder.

 ‘…there, there,’ he muttered, feeling like the most ridiculous man on Earth.

 He got several thumbs ups from the table residents. Which didn’t help his predicament at all. The boy was still crying.

 ‘Hey, hey, shh, don’t cry, everything is going to be okay…’

 ‘You don’t know that!’ wailed the blonde boy.

 ‘Okay, you’re right. Maybe, huh, what could make it right?’

 ‘I want to BAAAAAAAAAKE!’


(more under the cut!)

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MORNING AFTER WITH EXO || Friends version

waking up next to your best friend after a drunk one night stand can’t be good… right?

Minseok:

★when he first wakes to see your sleeping naked form next to him he’s sit upright in horror
★after finding the condom wrapper on the floor next to his clothes he’d chill out
★he’d wash, dress then go out to the kitchen
★when you wake to an empty bed, you think the small flashes of memory from last night were just part of your dream
★but after a few minutes, coffee begins to spread it’s delightful aroma around your room
★you wrap yourself in your dressing gown and follow the scent to it’s source
★and looky here
★a minseok
★upon hearing your footsteps, he turns to offer you a small smile
★'morning’
★'hi’
★'i raided your cupboards to make breakfast’
★you’d laugh at how cute and chill he was
★moving to sit on the counter next to him
★he’d give you a mug of coffee and offer a plate of pancakes
★'so about last night…’ you looked over his face
★'from what i remember it was good. and it’s nice not waking up to chaos like at the dorm’
★you finished your coffee and set your mug down for him to refill
★'i’m surprised your still here’
★'you’re my best friend and you think it’d hit and run?’ he’d pout as he sat opposite you
★'isn’t that how one night stands work? you hit it and run?’
★oh boy you’ve set him off laughing
★'i’m more of a hit and make sure the lovely victim has my details. just in case’ he’d wink
★you two would spend the morning drinking coffee and talking about everything hes done while off on tour


Junmyeon:

★upset bub p.1
★you’d left after waking up
★only leaving a note for him
★so many questions would run through his mind
★would you ever want to talk to him
★should he call you?
★send you flowers?
★diddly darn he was stuck
★he ended up calling you
★'hi, i’m sorry if you’re upset with me’
★'myeon, i wanted to stay, but i had work’ you’d laugh
★'i thought you’d left because you were upset!’
★'not at all, i had fun last night’
★'oh’
★'yeah’
★'i can pick you up after work and take you for lunch’
★'that sounds great’
★WOW WEE
★he would dress up nice and take you to a fancy ass place
★he’d treat you like a goddamn prince/princess


Yixing:

★baby boy would be so god damn fluffy
★like he’d just explode with warmth and love and giggles when he sees you sleeping next to him
★he’ll move his hand to your hair and play with the strands lovingly until you wake up
★'good morning, baobei’
★your little sleepy grunt in reply would make him giggle
★he’s pet your hair and hold you close until you’re fully awake to talk
★'should we wash and then go for breakfast?’
★'can’t we stay here longer?’
★'we can do whatever you want’
★cuddles upon cuddles upon cuddles
★and mindless chit chat
★how could cuddles in bed with this precious lamb be bad?


Baekhyun:

★you’d wake up before him
★you kinda just laid there for a bit debating what to do
★do you wake him
★or just leave??
★you decided to have a shower first
★and if he wasn’t awake when you were out, you’d write a note to him and leave
★so off you went
★halfway through washing your hair, the curtain was pulled back
★and this pup was just stood watching you
★you tried your best to cover yourself
★he just laughed and shook his head
★'you weren’t doing that last night. in fact, you couldn’t get your clothes off any quicker’
★'shut up baek’
★he’d just tease your mercilessly
★you turned the shower head to wet him
★which shut him up
★he kinda just stared
★which made you think he was mad
★but he suddenly just pushed into the shower with you
★'that wasn’t nice’ he’d pout, pushing you back against the wall
★'neither was leaving me bed on my own’
★'not my fault you wouldn’t wake up’
★'i worked hard last night i deserve a lay in’
★it would just be none stop giggles, kisses and cuddles for the day


Jongdae:

★upset bub p.2
★he’d watch you sleep for a few minutes before dressing and going to eat
★he felt bad that your first time together was when you were both out of your mind
★as he was drinking his milk, he’d hear your foot steps
★he went full !!!!!! mode
★when you came into the room, he’d do his best to hide
★and by hide i mean he’s stood behind the curtains
★'i see you dae,’
★'dae? who’s dae? i know no dae’
★it would make you laugh
★which then caused him to grin
★'you’re not mad at me?’
★'what’s done is done’
★'i’m mad at me for not remembering. maybe we should have a repeat’ he’d wink
★'shut up’
★'yes captain’


Chanyeol:

★this poor guy
★he had it all planned out on what to do when the two of you woke up
★he’ll run you a bath, let you raid his wardrobe so you’re comfy then make you breakfast
★he’d straight up just have a stroke when he doesn’t hear you snoring
★are you deaD???////????
★HOLY SHIT HE’D KILLED YOU?!
★it was supposed to be romantic and now he’d killed you
★shit
★oh no
★nevermind
★bless, his face would all be screwed up as he let his thoughts went mad
★you’re now staring at him with a confused look on your face
★'what are you thinking about?’ you’d ask with a laugh
★'how to bury your body’
★'oh’
★'nO SHIT I MEANT WHAT I’M GOING TO COOK YOU FOR BREAKFAST’
★his little cheeks would be bright red
★his plans were blown
★'breakfast sounds really good, actually’
★his famous grin would sprout on his face before he leans in and kisses your head
★'eggs and bacon coming your way’
★he’d jump out of the bed in such a rush to cook
★that he ended up tripping
★and now he’s just curled up naked on your floor
★real good going, chanyeol
★'just come back to bed for a while. i’ll cook when i get up’
★he’ll dive right back in and nuzzle his face into your neck
★'it was supposed to go better’
★'i know, chan’


Kyungsoo:

★soft
★v gentle
★11/10 would recommend
★but for real
★the most important thing is that you’re happy and that you’re comfortable
★you two could talk about what happened last night later on
★a shower and breakfast is more important
★so he kinda just shoves you to the bathroom to wash
★while he goes and works his magic in the kitchen
★probably cooks enough to feed the entire city because he’s nervous
★and actually doesn’t even know what your favourite breakfast food is
★when you enter the kitchen you just see all this food
★which you thank him for
★the two of you will eat
★then after your both full, the talk will come
★'how much of it do you remember?’
★'i remember seeing your stomach after all the teasing you did’
★'yeah?’
★'you buff up good’
★to which he’ll laugh 
★you’ll probably just turn the whole situation into a joke
★which always makes the others confused


Jongin:

★let’s be honest here
★this bub ain’t waking up
★so you’ll just grab your stuff and leave
★when he does wake up he’ll probably see your watch you left on the nightstand
★panicccccccccccc
★he’ll rush to your place to talk to you
★'you should’ve woken me up’
★'i could’ve walked you home’
★'did you leave because you were embarrassed?’
★so many questions
★he’d be so worried that it ruined your relationship
★you’d calm him down by patting his shoulder
★if you wanted to talk about it, you two would
★but if you wanted to put it behind you, you two would also do that


Sehun:

★would wake before you
★and just stare
★he’s in awe
★but he’s also really pissed off
★in awe because wow he just had really good sex with the person he holds most dear to his heart
★but WHAT THE FUCK HE BARELY REMEMBERS ANYTHING
★DID YOU ENJOY IT?
★DID YOU MOAN HIS NAME?
★DID HE MOAN YOUR NAME
★WHO WAS IN CHARGE????
★DID HE CUM BEFORE OR AFTER YOU?!
★his thoughts were cut off by you groaning and stretching out
★you turned your head to see him and offered a sleepy smile before sitting up
★when you reached for your clothes, he’ll pull you back down
★and wrap his long limbs around you
★'stay for a bit’
★'we can go out for breakfast’
★it’ll be so nice????
★probs leads to you two blooming into the hottest couple around
★bc how could he not wake up to you every morning?????