oh are you having cake

anonymous asked:

Is it still your bday?? If so HAPPY BIRTHDAY

YES it actually is & i’m celebrating it by eating instant noodles


’ Good gracious! Who left the mop running? ’
’ Now, father, you’re living in the past. This is the 14th century! ’
’ No! It cannot be! ’
’ A forest of thorns shall be his tomb! ’
’ Now go with the curse, and serve me well! ’
’ It’s incredible! Sixteen years and not a trace of her! ’
’ She couldn’t have vanished into thin air! ’
’ Are you sure you searched everywhere? ’
’ Yep, yep, everywhere. We all did. ’
’ And what about the town? The forests? The mountains? ’
’ Yeah, we searched mountains and forests and, uh, houses and… ’
’ Did you hear that, my pet? ’
’ All these years, they’ve been looking for a baby. ’
’ I’d like to turn her into a fat ol’ - hop toad. ’
’ Now, dear, that isn’t a very nice thing to say. ’
’ Besides, we can’t. You know our magic doesn’t work that way. ’
’ You know our magic doesn’t work that way. ’
’ It can only do good, dear, to bring joy and happiness. ’
’ Well, that would make me happy. ’
’ That’s because it’s on you, dear. ’
’ It looks awful. ’
’ Now Sword of Truth, fly swift and sure, that evil die and good endure! ’
’ Listen well, all of you. ’
’ Seize that creature! ’
’ Don’t despair, Your Majesties. ’
’ Stand back, you fools! ’
’ Then, she can undo this fearful curse? ’
’ I have plans for our royal guest. ’
’ Why so melancholy? ’
’ Gold of sunshine in her hair, lips that shame the red red rose. ’
’ Off he rides, on his noble steed, a valiant figure, straight and tall! ’
’ To wake his love, with love’s first kiss. ’
’ You know, sometimes I don’t think she’s really very happy. ’
’ Nowadays I’m still the king! ’
’ I command you to come to your senses! ’
’ And marry the girl I love. ’
’ That’s what I’m trying to tell you. ’
’ The sun has set! Make ready to welcome your princess! ’
’ But, I never baked a fancy cake. ’
’ Oh, you won’t have to, dear! ’
’ I’m going to make it 15 layers with pink and blue forget-me-nots. ’
’ All you do is follow the book! ’
’ Up here, dear. You can be the dummy. ’
’ Well, I still say we oughta use magic. ’
’ Now, dear, we decided pink was her color! ’
’ Touch the spindle. Touch it I say! ’
’ You poor, simple fools. ’
’ Thinking you could defeat me. ’
’ Oh, they’re hopeless. ’
’ A disgrace to the forces of evil. ’
’ My pet… you are my last hope. ’
’ Go, and do not fail me. ’
’ But when will I see you again? ’
’ Why? After all, I am sixteen. ’
’ You’re already betrothed. ’
’ Since the day you were born. ’
’ How could I marry a prince? I’d have to be… ’
’ No! I can’t believe it, no! No! ’
’ I’m not so sure my grandchildren want you for a grandfather! ’
’ Well, what do you think? ’
’ Forty bedrooms, dining hall… honeymoon cottage, really. ’
’ You - you mean you’re building it already? ’
’ Finished! Lovebirds can move in tomorrow. ’
’ Want to see our grandchildren, don’t we? ’
’ Well, I’m really not supposed to speak to strangers, but we’ve met before. ’
’ I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. ’
’ I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar. ’
’ But we can’t, we can’t go there! ’
’ Now come, we must hurry. ’
’ They’ll be heartbroken when they find out. ’
’ I’m awfully sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. ’
’ But don’t you remember? We’ve met before. ’
’ Why do they still treat me like a child? ’
’ They never want me to meet anyone. ’
’ What is it? Come on, let’s find out. ’
’ For an extra bucket of oats? And a few… carrots? ’
’ Don’t you see? A flower can’t prick its finger. ’
’ Well, what do you think of it? ’
’ Why, it… it’s a very unusual cake, isn’t it? ’
’ Well, what do you think of the dress? ’
’ I think we’ve had enough of this nonsense! ’
’ I’m going to get those wands. ’
’ Well, it may come as quite a shock. ’
’ Why doesn’t your daughter like my son? ’
’ This means war! ’
’ What’s this all about, anyway? ’
’ I’ll have the royal woodcarvers start work on the cradle tomorrow. ’
’ Oh, you darlings! This is the happiest day of my life! ’
’ Whatever are we going to do? ’
’ You’ve met some stranger? ’

kitsunesongs  asked:

Obi-Wan is the chosen one of light, as Anakin is the chosen on of balance, and palpatine is the chosen one of darkness - it results in every darksider being obsessed with him. Everyone. They're all trying to capture and turn him, or just keep him, not kill him...every darksider ever/Obi-Wan + Very Over protective of HIS Master!getting close to the darkside!Anakin/Obi-Wan.

I could have made this sad. I could have. And yet.


Their door ringer chimes, but by the time Anakin answers it there’s nobody there. Only a red box in the shape of a Sith holocron with a pretty bow on the side.

Anakin sighed, and picked up the box.

“You got another one!” He shouted over his shoulder.

Obi-Wan’s voice drifted in from the fresher as Anakin walked back in and placed the box on the kitchen counter. “Whose it from this time?”

Anakin lifted the box up and found an envelope taped to the bottom. He pried it off and turned it over.

TO KENOBI LOVE MAUL it said, in thin, spirally Aurebesh.

“It’s Maul again!” Anakin shouted, and he could hear Obi-Wan’s put upon sigh from the other room.

A few moments later, Obi-Wan emerged from the fresher in a clean tunic and trousers and his hair plastered on his neck. He picked up the card, squinted at it, and then set it aside and opened up the box.

All three sides flopped open to reveal a cake with black frosting, little grey flowers, and the words “Join the Dark Side?” written on the top with red icing.

Obi-Wan hummed low and ran his finger over the side of the cake. He brought the finger to his mouth and tasted the frosting.

“Wow, he’s gotten a lot better,” he said.

Anakin crossed his arms petulantly. “I think we should toss it out.”

“Nonsense. It’s a perfectly good cake. Go and grab some plates.”

With a groan, Anakin went into the kitchen and returned with plates, forks, and a knife. He cut himself a tiny sliver for Obi-Wan, who handed the plate back to him and slices a generous piece for himself. The inside of the cake is as bright red as the word icing.

As they sat and eat their pieces of cake, the door chimed again. Anakin rolled his eyes skyward, and went to answer it.

There was an actual person there this time. Commander Fox of the Coruscant guard.

“Sir!” Fox said with a salute, before handing Anakin an envelope of the finest black flimsiplast he’d ever touched. “That’s for General Kenobi. Have a good evening.” He sketched another salute, and walked off.

Anakin came back into the kitchen and dangled the letter in front of Obi-Wan. “You have another one.”

“Oh.” Obi-Wan said through a mouthful of cake. He set his fork down and tore open the letter (there was no name on the front).

Inside was expensive, thick paper, folded precisely and carefully. The words written on it were neat and small:

Dear Master Kenobi,

As you of course already know, I am the Supreme Chancellor, Sheev Palpatine. Your efforts in the war have been particularly admirable, so I have taken the liberty of awarding you the highest honor the Republic can bestow upon a Jedi High General in her army.

You’ll be accepting your gift over a private dinner between yourself and I. I’m sure the Council will understand and allow you the appropriate amount of time off.

I look forward to it, Obi-Wan.

Yours forever,

Supreme Chancellor Palpatine

Anakin shook his head as Obi-Wan folded the letter back up and set it down. “Do you think he knows that we know he’s a Sith Lord?”

Obi-Wan shrugged, and picked up his fork once more. “It’s more entertaining to assume that he doesn’t.”

Happy Birthday Yoosung!

Characters: Yoosung/MC

Word Count:3077

Genre: Fluff/Smut

Contains very light petplay

Looking around your boyfriend’s house, a slow smile slipped onto your face. You spruced it up for a bit, left a cute, store made cake on the kitchen table, and left a few wrapped gifts on his bed. He had been feeling a bit down because the other RFA members were having to push their celebration for him by a few days (thanks to them all having a hectic schedule), but he had been trying to act like it didn’t bother him as much as it did.

You walked over to the computer, shaking the mouse a bit to look at the little clock on his desktop. Okay, he would be home soon… You slipped off your apron, folding it in half and letting it rest on the back of a spare chair for the table.

Keep reading

  • Rumple: For your information, there’s a lot more to me than people think.
  • Jefferson: Example?
  • Rumple: Example…uh….I’m like an onion!
  • Jefferson: You stink?
  • Rumple: Yes…. No!
  • Jefferson: You make people cry?
  • Rumple: No!
  • Jefferson: Oh, when you’re left out in the sun, you get all brown, and start sprouting little white hairs….
  • Rumple: NO! Layers! Onions have layers! I have layers… You get it? We both have layers.
  • Jefferson: Oh….you both have layers…You know, not everybody likes onions. CAKE! Everybody loves cake!
  • Rumple: I don’t care what everybody else likes! I’m not like a cake!
  • Jefferson: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, “Let’s get some parfait,” they say, “Hell no, I don’t like no parfait.”? Parfaits are delicious!
  • Rumple: NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! I’m like an onion! End of story! Bye-bye! See you later, Dearie!
  • Jefferson: Parfait’s may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!
BTS React to You Asking If They Can Hangout on Your Birthday

Thank you for requesting this, @wolffoggirl! Sorry it took a while. I hope you enjoy! Feel free to request more, everyone~

Kim Seokjin

Jin would probably more than happy to. He would make sure to make all of your favorite foods. If he was busy that day, he would probably be really sad, but still personally send you gifts and make you food. He would be such a sweetheart. He would make sure you have the best birthday ever!

Originally posted by jjilljj

“C’mon, (y/n)! Let’s celebrate your birthday together!”

Min Yoongi

Yoongi would probably joke around saying, “No, I need my sleep.” or “No, I’m busy.” at first. Then, he would apologize and say yes when he sees you pouting. He would buy you something small, but expensive and memorable. He would put on a sour face the whole time you were together grumbling about how he could’ve been sleeping or composing instead. BUT, when you weren’t looking, he would smile so bright, seeing you so happy to hang out with him.

Originally posted by jeonbase

“(Y/n), I could’ve been sleeping. You’re lucky you’re my friend.”

Jung Hoseok

Okay, this little ball of sunshine would be more excited about your birthday than you would be. He would probably already asked you if he could hang out with you before you can. He would buy so many presents, he had to ask his other members to help him bring it in. He would follow you around the whole day while singing “happy birthday”. In the end, he would probably have also eaten more cake than you have.

Originally posted by ta3taetae


Kim Namjoon

Oh boy…Namjoon would definitely remember your birthday. He would be preparing a cake for you the night before (without the help of Jin-eomma!). When you had asked, he would be excited af. When he went over however, he trips and the cake just so happened to fling out of his hand and smash right into your face. He would be so embarrassed because that happened basically every year…poor Joonie…

Originally posted by yoongichii

*awkward laughing* “Uh…hi (y/n). You saw nothing.”

Park Jimin

Of course he would agree! This lil’ mochi would be more than happy to hang out with you on your special day. He would do whatever you wanted to do. Chim would probably almost become your “personal servant” that day. You want some ice cream? Chim’s got you! You want to go shopping? Chim’ll take you to all the best malls in town! Please protect him!

Originally posted by okayoongz

“(Y/n) you wanna go shopping? Okay! Let’s go then~”

Kim Taehyung

I can totally see him as the type to “forget” your birthday and then throw a HUGE surprise party for you. He would be planning this months prior to your actual birthday. He might even get his hyungs and Kookie into this prank! Once he declines your offer to hangout, you’ll go home sad and pouty, but once you open your door, Tae will be there with his cute boxy smile and a giant cake!

Originally posted by toughchim

“Birthday? What are you talking about?” *is extremely guilty but can’t tell you*

Jeon Jungkook

Let’s be honest here…this bunny would probably actually forget your birthday. Instead of pretending to forget, like Taehyung, he would actually forget. So when you asked, he would be running around the dorm, trying to pretend to be calm while texting you. He would rush out to buy to a gift. When he was out of breath, you would ask him why he was running around. He would just try to distract you from exposing him.

Originally posted by baekon-stripss

“I’m not out of breath…oh hey! Isn’t that the picture you wanted to show me?”

smartashes  asked:

36 or 16?

por qué no ambos?

#36: “I hate you”

#16: “Just shut up and kiss me”

You really don’t see why you and Bucky had to be assigned as a couple on this undercover mission. Natasha got to go shopping, while you and Bucky were stuck sitting outside a cafe waiting for your mark to show up. It sucks. You’d rather be kicking ass than holding hands.

What makes it even worse is that Bucky seems to be enjoying every second of your frustration. He will not stop smirking every time you sigh or roll your eyes or try to kick his ankle under the table, like this is all a really fun game to him. He’s holding your hand on top of the table, stroking his thumb across the back of yours and laughing when you try to squirm away from him. He’s a menace, and if he doesn’t watch it you’re going to kill him before this mission is even halfway done.

“Target has entered the mall,” Sam says through comms. “Heading your way, Natasha.”

You groan. Who knows how long you and Bucky will have to sit here with this charade until your target shows up. You’re supposed to be gathering intel - sometime today he’ll be meeting someone at this cafe, and you and Bucky are going to figure out why and what they’re meeting about. Until then, it’s happy couples, and it’s driving you mad.

“Y’know, we’d be a lot more convincing if you stopped glaring at me every five minutes,” Bucky says, grinning as you once again glance over to glare at him. You try to tug your hand away but he just holds on tighter, body shaking with the effort of containing his laughter.

“We’d be a lot more convincing if I actually liked you,” you snap. Bucky does laugh then, big and booming straight from his chest, his entire face lighting up. You stare at him, speechless for a second, before shaking yourself out of it. This mission is really getting to you.

“What can I get for you today?” a waitress asks as she comes up to your table. You look down to glare at the table, knowing if you tried to speak or make eye-contact you’d probably give away your cover in ten seconds flat. It’s impossible to contain your irritation when you’re around Bucky Barnes, even if it is for a mission.

“We’ll just get some coffees, please,” Bucky says, his grin practically audible. “Oh, and maybe one of those cake things you have on display.”

“Which one?” the waitress asks, “We’ve got-“

“Surprise me,” Bucky says. You resist the urge to gag.

When the waitress walks away with a giggle, you whip your head up to glare daggers at Bucky. He looks back at you with a smug grin on his face, eyes practically sparkling with how much fun he’s having pissing you off.

“Mind not flirting with anything that moves for five minutes while we’re under cover? I thought you wanted to be convincing,” you whisper-yell, digging your fingernails into the back of his hand to let him know you aren’t fucking around.

To your chagrin, Bucky grins wider and raises his eyebrows. “What, are you jealous?”

“For fucks sake,” you mutter, shifting away from him so you no longer have to look at his smug, stupid face anymore.

You scan the street while Bucky plays with your fingers and you try your best not to break his hand. The waitress returns with your coffees and a slice of orange and poppyseed cake, which Bucky thanks her profusely for. You ignore him this time, but that doesn’t roll well with Bucky at all.

He hooks his ankles around the legs of your chair and drags you towards him until you’re practically sat between his knees. You turn to give him a piece of your mind, mission cover be damned, but you find him simply smiling at you with the fork in his hand, a piece of cake stabbed on the end.

“You have got to be kidding,” you say, but Bucky just wiggles his eyebrows and moves the fork closer to your face.

“Open up, sweetheart,” he says. If looks could kill, he would be long dead.

“I hate you,” you say, but you open your mouth and allow Bucky to feed you the damn piece of cake. It tastes good, too, which is really just salt in the wound.

“Alright lovebirds, he’s heading your way,” Natasha says. “He bought a green sweater and put it on, to change his appearance I assume. I don’t think he knows we’re watching him, but he’s paranoid enough to think someone is.”

“Great, he’ll be looking for eavesdroppers,” you say. “He’ll never sit right next to us.”

“Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable,” Bucky suddenly blurts. He blushes immediately afterwards while Natasha cackles into comms.

“He’s not wrong,” she says. You glare at Bucky for the both of them.

“No fucking way. You already force-fed me the goddamn cake, I am not letting you-“

“(Y/N), just think about it for a second,” Bucky says. “If we’re making people uncomfortable with PDA, no one will want to look at us. That means if he sits next to us, no one will be looking at him. We’ll do all the work for him, and he’ll never suspect us to be watching him when we’re otherwise occupied.”

“That’s the worst fucking logic I’ve ever heard in my life,” you say. Out of the corner of your eye you see the target approaching, wearing the green sweater Natasha warned you about and walking with an unidentified woman - whoever he’s meeting, you presume.

“It’s the best plan we’ve got,” Bucky says, grinning - he’s enjoying this way too much for your liking.

“It’s a stupid plan! It’s not going to work, we’ll probably just drive him away further and fuck up the whole entire mission-“

“(Y/N),” Bucky sighs, rolling his eyes. “Just shut up and kiss me.”

You stop talking, from pure, indignant rage, and Bucky takes advantage of that moment to cup your jaw and kiss you. He pulls you into him by the hand and you fall against his chest, your other hand coming up to brace yourself on his shoulder with a muffled yelp. Bucky bites your lip and grins way too smug. No way is he winning this one.

You grip his shirt and pull him closer, pressing your bodies together as much as you can in a public place. He grunts against your mouth as your lips slot together practically perfectly, dropping your hand to slide his arm around your waist and hold you against him. His mouth is so hot and soft it should be illegal, and despite the mission and the voice in your head yelling at you that you don’t even like him, you can’t stop yourself from humming contentedly when he slides his tongue into your mouth. It feels like molten heaven, and you’r melting piece by piece.

“Uh, guys. It worked, they’re sitting right next to you. You can stop now,” Clint says, watching the whole thing from his snipers perch. Right. The mission. Your fucking job - shit.

You pull away abruptly, gasping for breath but Bucky keeps you close with a hand on the small of your back. His lips are swollen and wet, impossible to look away from even as they curl into a sinful smirk. He slides his hand under the back of your shirt and strokes your skin, soft despite the callouses. Whatever you were going to yell at him about getting carried away gets lost in the gentle movement of his hand.

“Still think it was a stupid plan?” he whispers against your ear, so you mark doesn’t hear you from the next table over. They’re starting to discuss something in shady euphemisms that sounds a lot like a weapons deal to you, but you can barely focus.

You thunk your head against Bucky’s shoulder to catch you breath while he laughs, his chest rumbling against yours. You half-heartedly punch him on the shoulder and say, “I still hate you.”

“Of course you do, sweetheart,” Bucky says, but he doesn’t let go and neither do you.

#8 - What went wrong?

Read: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Also, any text that are in italics are in the past and the rest are in the present form.

You led the way to the cafe on the corner of your apartment. It wasn’t entirely crowded. Just a few students and business workers around. The waitress directed you two to a booth near the back of the room. You slumped yourself into the seat and looked at the menu. You have only been here once. Not with Jay, Jasmine or Hallie but with Gray.

It was raining and you were sitting at the cafe on the corner of your apartment. And out of all days, today you locked yourself out of your apartment. You already called Jay to see if he was able to get home earlier but he said he couldn’t leave work right at that moment. Jay had told you to stay put and wait for him. It was now pouring even harder so you called your landlord but he was out of town. So you made yourself comfortable in the booth. You ordered another green tea and a slice of cake. You shouldn’t have too much before dinner but, who cares. Just as you took a second mouthful of the cake, a figure sat down opposite to you. You looked up and saw Gray.

You: Oh hey, Gray.

Gray: Hey [Y/N]. You have excellent taste in cakes.

You: I’m sorry?

Just then, the waitress came by and put the exact slice of cake in front of Gray. He had ordered the same cake.

You: I see. Finished work early?

Gray: Not really.I can’t seem to finish the last part of my new song. Can’t find the right beat you know, so instead of sulking and stressing myself, I’ve called it a day. Plus stress won’t do my face any good. Gotta keep my rep of being the visual at AOMG.

You: Simon and Jay was joking when they called you that, you know. You’re more than a ‘visual’, you’re one of the best producer out there. Heck, you made Mommae and see how popular that is?

Gray: I’m not too sure if Mommae is popular because of me. It has made popular because of your boyfriend, the one and only Park Jae-Beom. Him and sexiness.

You laughed.

Gray: Are you waiting for Jay?

You explained to Gray that you locked yourself out. He laughed at you before insisting to stay with you until Jay arrives.

You: Are you sure? I mean, you had a long day today, you should go home and rest.

Gray: Nah, it’s fine. I’d rather be here with you than ahem driving in this insane weather.

Jay: I’ve never been here before and everything looks good on the menu. Do you wanna share the Big Breakfast? It has pretty much everything. Toast, beans, mushroom, eggs, bacon and your fav, avocado.

You nodded and Jay went to place the order. He then came back with 2 cups and the table number stand being clutched underneath his armpit. He placed one of the cups in front of you and it was a green tea.

You two sat in silence while you were on your phone and taking small sips of your tea.

Once the food came, Jay took your plate and started putting toast, mushrooms, eggs, bacon and avocado on it. You slightly smiled when he handed you your plate.

Again, the two of you sat in silence. Jay finished his share way before you did and it showed he probably didn’t have a proper meal in a while. Jay got up without saying anything and you saw him walking towards the counter. You finished your share by the time he came back with another cup of green tea and coffee for himself.

Jay: Hey, you wanna something today? There’s a new putt putt golf that’s just opened up.

You: You hate golf.

Jay: Yeah but it’s putt putt. The name itself makes it sound like a very cute activity. Putt putt. Putt putt.

You couldn’t help but let out a small giggle.

Jay: Look, I’ll say it again. I’m sorry. Just give me a chance and take me back. I’ll do everything you want. I’ll always be by your side and I’ll never betray you again. I promise.

You: You’ll do everything I want? Jay, you’re not my slave. I don’t want you obeying my orders. I just want you to not lie. I mean, if you’re in love with someone else then tell me. Don’t keep me in dark.

Jay: I’m not in love with her.

You: Then what does she have that I don’t? Am I not satisfying you or something?

Jay: No, its nothing like that. You’re so much better than her. She was just a distraction. I needed a distraction and she was it. That’s all.

You: Distraction from what? Jay, when you need to vent or something you can always come to me. I might not say a lot in return but my ears are always ready to hear you out.

Jay: You don’t understand, babe. This upcoming tour has been driving me insane. From meetings to rehearsals, I’m so fucking tired. To be honest, I just want to cancel the tour. I’ve been thinking and maybe this label is growing too fast and I can’t keep up with it.

You: Don’t think that. You’ve been working very hard so give yourself a break. Plus you have such a supportive group behind you. I’m sure they will be more than happy to lend you a hand if you need it. You just gotta ask, Jay.

Jay: You’re right and that’s what I needed to hear. Thanks baby.

You: Jay.. I want to be with you but I’m scared to trust you again. You know I’ve been hurt this way before.

Jay let out a sigh and took your hands into his. He looked straight into your eyes.

Jay: No more lies from me, I promise and I’ll never let you down.

You took a deep breathe and composed your thoughts carefully. You love him and he loves you, so what’s stopping from you too getting back together? He surely regrets his actions and he’s willing to be a better man. Giving him a second chance won’t hurt. Right??

You: Then how are we getting to that putt putt golf place?

A few hours later Jay receives a message from Gray.

Gray: Heard you and [Y/N] got back together. You’re one lucky guy. But I’m sorry to say this but 'SHE’ is here. You gotta come to the office and don’t bring [Y/N]!

Shrek (2001) Starters
  • "What's that? It's hideous!"
  • "We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!"
  • "Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND!"
  • "I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder."
  • "Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?"
  • "Well, I have to save my ass."
  • "Example... uh... _______ are like onions!"
  • "Oh, you both have LAYERS. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. CAKE! Everybody loves cake! Cakes have layers!"
  • "Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in SHORT supply."
  • "Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!"
  • "You know, (name)... when we first met, I didn't think you were a big, stupid, ugly ______."
  • "Eat me!"
  • "Okay, I'll tell you... Do you know... the Muffin Man?"
  • "She's married to the Muffin Man..."
  • " So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?"
  • " You can't do this to me, (name), I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich...?"
  • "Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?"
  • "But this isn't right! You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banners flying! That's what all the other knights did!"
  • "I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going... take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right now, I'd step all over it..."
  • "LOVE me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature! I heard the two of you talking!"
  • "Well, I have a bit of a confession to make: _____ don't have layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves."
  • "Hey! I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy!"
  • "All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom."
  • "Like THAT's ever gonna happen! What a load of..."
  • "The line, the line you gotta wait for: the priest's gonna say "Speak now or forever hold your piece", and you rush in and say "I object!"
  • "Then ya gotta, gotta try a little TENDERNESS! Chicks love that romantic crap!"
  • Wow! Only a TRUE friend would be that cruelly honest!"
  • "Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?"
  • "Oh, I know. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?"
  • "The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight."
  • " Let's just say, I'm not your type, all right?"
  • "Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe."
  • "...And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases seepin' outta my butt that day!"
  • "Thank you, thank you very much. I'm here 'til Thursday. Try the veal."
  • "There's an arrow in your butt!"
  • Because that's what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER!"
  • "Don't worry, (name). I used to be afraid of the dark until... No, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark."

Riley: “And Rowan?”
Rowan: “Yes?”
Riley: “Neil is welcome to sleep here, if he wants. And if you want, of course.. but we will need to have the talk very soon..”
Rowan: “Ugh.. Mom, he’s just a friend. And he’s a teen? I’m still a child.. It’s physically impossible. Not that I wanted it, if it was possible..”
Riley: “I believe you, sweet bean. But I think it’s time. You’re turning into a teen in a few days. Oh! Have you chosen what kind of cake you’d like?”
Rowan: “Yes! I want a strawberry cake.. One of those that grandma makes.”
Riley: “Hm! I will tell her. Your grandma does make the best cakes, I have to say..”

I want to tie you down and feed you.. And if you don’t like it too bad.. Your belly is going to get bigger and there is nothing you can do about it.. Oh? You don’t want anymore cake? Well I just have to make you eat more! I’d shove all kinds of food down your throat .. Forcing you to gain more and more weight your belly will strain against the rope and your clothes will start to rip and when your shirt rips your belly will fall out and bounce ;) you’ll need xxxL shirts when I’m done with you
- barista!yoongi scenario | tea and sympathy -

 what’s the best way to get over a bad break-up? ordering everything on the sweet menu at the nearest cafe, of course!  

A/N: this was requested by @justthewaymymindworks, but it somehow became a barista!au? I hope you don’t mind… :)
genre: fluff, mild angst
word count: 2.1k

Ten minutes and twenty-three seconds since the damage was done.

Now, you’re in the nearest café, ordering all the sweets you can afford, and swallowing tears.

The barista eyes you over the counter, eyebrows raising a millimetre with each dessert you order.

“… and a slice of Victoria sponge, and some of those macaroons, and a brownie, and a triple-chocolate muffin…”

His eyes shuffle over you, taking in the red nose, the tear-clumped eyelashes, the wobbling lips – all part of the barely functioning human that is you. He doesn’t comment, just asks: “Anything else?”

“A chamomile tea.” You avert your gaze, not wanting his judgement. It’s not his business what you order. Yeah, that’s right, Mr… (you glance at his name tag) … Mr Yoongi, it’s not your business. This is between me, and my stomach… and my ex-boyfriend who just left me standing in the street.

Keep reading

For the best person in the world @rniq

pretty odd

genre: the fluffiest of fluff

warnings: death mention, but d&p don’t die, dw.

words: 12k what

summary: Dan Howell, piano teacher and speedster, craves chocolate cakes at three in the morning. He meets a baker named Phil who owns the only store opened at three in the morning and who bakes the most delicious chocolate cake in the world. It’s a pretty odd love story.

a/n: this motherfucker. This fucking fic, man. It went through seven different phases I’m not even kidding. This is the Chosen One™. I had such a blast writing this. I loved working on it, and I hope you love it, too. Thank you for 1k, and I hope this shows my gratitude <33

also, quick facts: John Chambers is an actual fictional character! he’s a speedster who obtained his powers via the speedster formula. The more you know.

Keep reading

Super Mom

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12

A/N: so… third part. Hope you’ll like it! Tell me if you want a part 4.

Pairing: Bucky x single mom!reader

Words: 4,142

Warning(s): some talk about “the birds and the bees”

Keep reading

The gems as stereotypical moms
  • Pearl: Overprotective, but lovable, mom. Got the,"Mom of the month!" award from School Committee. Is jealous of Maya from the School Committee because Maya makes better lemon squares than her.
  • Amethyst: Cool mom every other kid wishes they had. Every mom on the School Committee hates her because she's that,"One mom." Picks kid up from school on a different vehicle every day.
  • Garnet: Silent mom every other kid is secretly afraid of. The School Committee loves her though. She makes the best orange squares.
  • Rose: Nerd mom that tries to act 'cool' around kid's friends. All the kids like her and she was hit on by a seven year old once. The moms absolutely ADORE her. ("Oh, Rose, did you make that cake?" "Rose, you have GOT to see this!" "Rose, did you hear what happened to Michelle's daughter earlier today?")
  • Jasper: Overenthusiastic soccer mom. Yelled at Cynthia from the School Committee and called her cookies,"Bland, tasteless, over glorified rice cakes." Absolutely hates School Committee meetings and does everything she can to get out of them.
  • Peridot: Forgetful mom. Doesn't remember they have basketball practice in ten minutes. Fell asleep at the monthly meeting of the School Committee and could only wake up when Jasper slapped her. (To be fair, it was lightly. And Rose, Pearl, and Lapis had already tried any alternatives and had given their consent to the practice.)
  • Lapis: Hot single mom. All the moms on the School Committee are super jelly of her, and all of their kids have crushes on her. Got flowers from an anonymous secret admirer a few times.
  • Ruby: Constantly worried mom. All the moms on the School Committee think it's scandalous she's in a relationship with Sapphire. Keeps up with the kids. Super good with them too.
  • Sapphire: Calm, keeps the peace mom. All the moms wonder how her kids never seem to fight and are constantly asking tips. They also think it's scandalous that she's in a relationship with Ruby. She's "That one mom" we all know.

okay i thought the whole rumple-savior thing was gonna be the major breakthrough in his so-called redemption arc that’s been going on for oh i don’t know 6 seasons but after that cliffhanger i don’t know what to think


“See, when you bring people to a place they’ve never been before, and they realize they’ve finally made it, it’s this look on their faces that makes it all worthwhile”

“How do they look?”

“Well, they look like the whole world has new possibilities. It’s a certain look. I know it when I see it”

“That look, that look there. Sherpaaa”

“Oh my god… Piper, have you made this?”
“Y-yes I have, Mrs Jackson. I- I used to bake a lot with my dad, before he got famous, and I still love to bake.”
“Piper, dear… this is perfect!”
“Absolutely! We love it!”
“You are way to kind, mr Blofis.”
“Oh, please, call me Paul! And… now when we’re talking about cakes.. would you like to do our wedding cake?”
“Only if you want! We will pay you of course.”
“Mrs Jackson, you don’t have to pay me for anything. I will do it for free.”

Piper shows the cake for Percy’s baby sisters baptism.

Photo: Paul

anonymous asked:

Oh my god, do you have a recipe for that raspberry yogurt cake?! It sounds amazing!!

*This recipe is by Kitchen Trial and Error on Blogspot. I just added in my own personal commentary in a few places to help you guys out! :)

Meyer Lemon Iced Raspberry Yogurt Cake
(cake adapted from Claire K Creations & buttercream adapted from Sally’s Baking Addiction)

This recipe will make two 8" or 9" layers or four 6" layers.

Ingredients for the Cake:
-9 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
-1 cup sugar
-3 eggs, separated
-2 cups All Purpose flour
-1 tablespoon baking powder
-1 teaspoon salt
-½ teaspoon baking soda
-1 cup plain greek yogurt
-1 cup raspberries, fresh or frozen

For the Buttercream:
-8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
-8 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
-zest & juice of 2 lemons (I did 2 large ones)
-a pinch of salt
-4 cups powdered sugar (DO NOT SIFT THE POWDERED SUGAR)

Preheat your oven to 320F.
Grease four 6" cake pans or two 8" or 9" cake pans with vegetable shortening. Set aside.
Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the egg yolks one at a time, mixing after each addition.
Add the flour, baking powder, salt, and baking soda and mix until mostly combined (the mixture will be really crumbly, kind of like a shortbread dough- don’t panic, this is normal!) Add the greek yogurt and mix until combined.
In a separate bowl, beat the egg whites to medium peaks and fold gently into the cake batter.
After that, fold the raspberries into the cake batter.
Divide the batter evenly between the pans and bake 25-30 minutes (less for 6" cakes), or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Let the cakes cool in the pan for about 10 minutes before turning them out onto a wire rack to cool completely before icing.

To make the buttercream: Cream the cream cheese and butter until smooth. Add the lemon zest, lemon juice and salt and mix until combined. Add the powdered sugar in small increments, making sugar the frosting is smooth and all combined before adding more. This is necessary in order to make sure there’s no powdered sugar lumps in it. Keep mixing on medium speed for a couple minutes until light and fluffy. If your buttercream is softer than you’d like, you can either add more sugar or chill it for 30 minutes before spreading.

To make a four layer cake, slice each cake layer in half. Spread with buttercream and top with another cake layer. Continue until all layers are used. Spread the cake with remaining buttercream. Store finished cake in the refrigerator.