oh and they would call everyone old sport

HELL IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER— beyond belief # 1

feel free to change pronouns as needed.

“oh that you would ask me such bedeviling question.”
“what could possibly go wrong?”
“i was speaking to the martini.”
“i don’t grant your premise.”
“did you eventually hear a door knocking noise?”
“who could it possibly be at this hour? everyone we know is here.”
“you have a lot of crust coming here uninvited.”
“listen to the content of your admonition!”
“look who it is! a person.”
“i wondered why beep beep beep kept calling.”
“if you say so.”
“another mystery solved by us.”
“do not interrupt the toast.”
“cat got your tongue, old sport?”
“his name is delancay.”
“—well that sounds made up.”
“i don’t know what i’d do without him, frankly.”
“it would be a shame to sit in it.”
“you know how i adore compound words.”
“assuming you’ve been here longer than two minutes… you coulda had your toast.”
“no shame in that.”
“is pride still a sin?”
“shall we go inside and see about this possession?”
“— we had dibs, i’m afraid.”
“i’m not going anywhere.”
“you’ve confused your text with your subtext.”
“i’m not certain you’re not certain.”
“i’m sorry, the demon you’re trying to reach is unavailable.”
“boo! the opposite of encore.”
“well, you’re half right.”
“i’m so evil. i totally wouldn’t say no to murder.”
“and what would that cost, pray tell.”
“my name’s not mark.”
“stabbing anyone? it’s great.”
“we shall merely be holier than him.”
“speaking of which, this bottle is exorcised of spirits.”
“pot, meet kettle.”
“be cool, you dudes.”
“oh my, i have been deceived haven’t i?”
“you totally grew on me.”
“believe it man, it’s from the hip.”
“sure you do.”
“geez, mark, testy.”
“get out of my house and don’t bother going to my country club either.”
“plaza hotel, she said.”