oh and my first offical one

Humans are weird

Ok, getting on the humans are weird bandwagon….

It surprises me that we haven’t talked about the most obvious thing: humans imagine things. Humans outright make shit up. (Like these posts?) Human stories often aren’t retellings of things that actually happened. Art often isn’t a depiction of true events. Humans - for want of a better word - humans sublimate. They transform their experiences into outlandish non-reality for each others’ amusement.

It takes forever for first contact to start because the aliens planning it keep getting confused by first radio, then television. Some of these depictions can’t be possible - but which ones? The first time War of the Worlds reaches the Kuiper belt, someone panics and has to double check that a more aggressive group hasn’t actually invaded.

After humans are finally integrated into galactic culture, some issues crop up.

“Did you clean the waste facility?” the Janitorial Supervisor asks.

“Well, I would have,” the human starts, then proceeds to tell an outrageous story about a cleaning bot with a knife strapped to its back which has the entire crew searching the ship for hours. The entire crew except for the humans.

The Captain finds the humans “searching” the self-poisoning cabinet in one of the crew quarters.

“Oh my god,” the First Officer says, on seeing the Captain’s dust-speckled upper ears. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you really fell for that. Stabby is a cryptid, Harold!”

The Captain’s name is not Harold, but that is another, even longer story.

The Captain exhales. “What is a cryptid?”

The assistant medical officer sits up straighter, his drink sloshing dangerously. The Captain has learned what “a gleam in his eye” means and how to detect it. They sit, resigned. There’s no escaping now.

An hour later, the Captain explains the concept of cryptids in considerably less detail to the embarrassed and confused Supervisor. Along with the concept of lying.

“But how do you know the difference?” the Supervisor asks, wringing their tentacles in mixed embarrassment and worry.

“Find another human,” the Captain advises. “Check for signs of mirth.”

This turns out to be prescient, because on their next planetary stop, two of the human field officers come running back into the base camp, out of breath and without the rest of their scouting team.

“Nasty buggers with teeth!” one gasps. Though the other officers appear skeptical, the Captain glances at the First Officer, who is already setting down her meal and grabbing her favorite flamethrower. The assistant medical officer yanks his kit straps over his shoulders, face grim.

“Arm yourselves,” the Captain tells the rest.

It takes about four hours, but they get everyone back more or less intact. The humans change the sign in the rec room on the ship to read: “Us: 6, Them: 0″. There is a ritual raising of liquor-filled glasses, even by the injured who are forbidden self-poisoning. The Captain begins temporary hibernation very relieved that humans are so willing to count other species as “us”.

When they ask the First Officer about it two cycles later, the First Officer looks confused, then knowing.

“My great grandmother remembers when you first showed up. They picked your people for first contact for a reason, didn’t they?”

“We look the most like you.”

“Yeah, well, that was a bad call. Gran says humans debated for months whether or not you were just other humans with good prosthetic makeup.”

The Captain blinks at this. “Most peoples are shocked and upset to learn the rest of the sentient universe does not share their appearance. Wait.” They pause. “Is that why we had so many applicants for the Janitorial position?”

The First Officer ignores that, as she usually does when the Captain doesn’t really want to know the answer.

“Do you know why cryptids exist? Why horror and violence and monsters exist in our stories?” she asks instead.

The Captain twitches both sets of ears ‘no’. “It seems unnecessary to frighten yourselves over things that don’t exist.”

“But nasty buggers with teeth do exist, even if we haven’t met them yet,” she says grimly. “And we were ready, weren’t we?”

It’s true. The humans on board have been terrifyingly adaptable, even in their violence.

The Captain feels their way carefully. “You think about things that don’t exist… sometimes even things that distress and terrify you… so that you can be ready when you face real things that distress and terrify you?”

“See, this is why you’re the Captain, Harold.” The First Officer slaps their shoulder hump cheerfully, careful to avoid the spines. “And better yet, we share the things we imagine with each other. It’s like a mental vaccine.”

“And it works?”

“Eh, sometimes. It’s not perfect. Sometimes we don’t mark our vaccines properly, or don’t realize we’re adding things we didn’t mean to. Some of them have a bad effect on some people, for various reasons. But we joined the galactic community in less than a generation. Has any other species ever done that?”

“You imagined us before you met us.”

“Now you’re getting it.”

Guess who got a tablet for christmas? *waggles eyebrows* I still have a long way to go before I can be considered proficient at using it, but I’ll get there. I’m looking forward to making the most of the ‘dead’ time during my commutes to and from the office!

First Meeting prompts

1) “Everyone – hands in the air!” The bank robber burst into the building, only to discover that a hold-up was already happening.



2) “What happened last night? Where am I?” Why are you, gorgeous but utterly unfamiliar, bringing me breakfast in bed?
“You don’t remember?”
“That’s not reassuring me.”



3) “Hi. Officer Black.” They held up a fake ID badge. “I’m looking into the disappearances that have been happening in this area recently. May I ask you a few questions?”
The actual investigator stared at them.



4) “Oh my god – it’s you. You’re the one I’ve been hearing!”
“What?” Completely bewildered.



5) Coincidentally, we have the same surname and accidentally both booked the same honeymoon suite. I’m not willing to lose the best room in the hotel or admit that I booked a honeymoon suite single precisely because it was the best room. Look at that Jacuzzi! All of the other rooms are taken anyway. Turns out, you’re travelling alone too. Everyone now thinks we’re newly beds and, frankly, I’m not giving the gift basket back so I guess we’re married for a week.



6) “You have a kitten in your bag.”
The NO PETS ON THE BEACH sign loomed behind them.
“Say that a bit louder, will you?”
“Your cat likes the beach?”
“She gets separation anxiety.”
It was hopeless, it was love. Black hair and blue eyes and peeking out entirely too pleased with itself among a towel.
“Either sit down or stop staring, you’re going to blow our cover.”


7) “You know the library is closed, right?” the stranger broke the silence.
They looked the stranger; dressed in pyjamas and clutching a kitkat from the vending machine. They raised their brows. The stranger didn’t even blush at the sheer hypocrisy of the comment.


8) “You’re in my spot.” They had been coming to the roof every evening for three years, and nobody else had ever been there and – oh god, the stranger was crying.


9) “I’m your soulmate, from the future.”

“Then future me as horrible taste, keep walking.”
“…wow. Future you was right, you really did used to be a prick.”


10) When you save somebody’s life, it always seems that a fragment of their future belongs to you. They wouldn’t have had it if it wasn’t for the few heartbeats of your acquaintance. You disagree with this notion quite violently.

You know i love the idea of karma and nagisa starting a relationship when they were still in highschool but you know whats better? Them just starting a relationship WHEN THEY’RE OLDER:

  • Nagisa having a crush on Karma when they were still in highschool but wasn’t able to tell him, fastforward to 8 years in the middle of the year, his students are all asking “do you have anyone you like” and “who was your first love?” Types of questions
  • Him answering “well there was this one person in my class–” and the class is so intrigued by the story but it ends in a so half-assed tway hat they ended up saying NO THAT CANT BE THE ENDING” and basically scolding their teacher to man up and that he really missed his chance
  • HIS STUDENTS BEING REALLY SUPPORTIVE OF HIM!!
  • Or Karma is the one who had a crush on Nagisa but again DIDNT TELL HIM cause he thought it would just trouble nagisa and he didn’t want that.
  • His office mates keep asking why he doesn’t have a girlfriend or wife despite his looks and job and he’ll just answer with “sorry im only interested on a person who is willing to hijack a space-shuttle and terrorize highly trained astronaut with me to save a mutant octopus” and of course they think he’s joking
  • They started setting him up with random girls but it doesnt work out so they start asking him what type of person he’s looking for and he just sTARTED DESCRIBING NAGISA and they’re just like “wow man thats really specific” and he just replies with “its just a list of things im attracted to”
  • Both of them just saying to them selves “they’re over it” but t h e y  a r e n o t and they’re completely in denial
  • OR just them not realizing ANYTHING AT ALL in their high school years, cause they never fell in love before and they just keep saying this is a “normal feeling that b r o s share” and the whole class E just watches them in pain
  • “So who’s going to tell them?”
    NO ONE WILL, THEY HAVE TO REALIZE IT THEMSELVES
  • They then try hinting at them multiple times and then they realize this will never ever work
  • “they’re geniuses when it comes to assassination but complete idiots when it comes to their own feelings” AND THIS LITERALLY GOES ON FOREVER
  • After so many years they meet each other again at a certain shop for the first time and it became a routine for them that visit the shop and they basically starts hanging out like they used to
  • THEM ACTING LIKE HIGHSCHOOLERS AND JUST GOOFS AROUND AFter WORK
  • Both of them falling in love all over again with each other but they don’t realize it again and there’s this nagging feeling of “they should say something”
  • Them being like “oh shit oH SHIT” after the dawning realization of their feelings
  • Both of them realizing they actually fell in love with each other since junior high
  • Having this awkward tension between them that they felt like they were back in school until one of them breaks it and a literal RELIEF for both of them
  • But they still were’t a hundred percent sure so it ended up with Karma courting nagisa LIKE A HIGHSCHOOLER
  • Nagisa-sensei receiving flowers and chocolates randomly and students keep asking questions about where its from
  • Especially on valentines day, everyone in the faculty gave him a rose on the way to his desk and to his surprise (and embarrassment) his whole desk is covered with petals and a chocolate cake in the middle
  • Getting random embarrassing text from karma in the middle of class as a joke
  • Karma waiting in front of the school and the students keep asking who’s the handsome guy with a suitcase upfront until nagisa walks over to him and drags him out and they’ll all be like “O”
  • NAGISA BEING BOMBARDED WITH ALL THIS QUESTIONS FROM BOTH FACULTY AND STUDENTS
  • ENDING UP HIM FEELING LIKE HE WANTS TO DIE FROM ALL THIS EMBARRASSMENT
  • Karma greeting Nagisa good morning and goodnight every single da y on text
  • EVEN BETTER THEY JUST RECORD THEIR OWN VOICE AND SENDS IT TO EACH OTHER
  • Both of them texting each other when they have a bad day and they just surprise each other at their own apartment bringing them their favorite food
  • Karma receiving NICE LITTLE NOTES IN POST IT FROM NAGISA AND HE KEEPS IT IN A NOTEBOOK
  • Karma trying to stay serious and cool but when nagisa texts him he Becomes REALLY GIDDY AND COULDNT STOP SMILING
  • When Nagisa visits him in the office for the first time all of karma’s office mates are like “OH MY GOD THEY EXIST”
  • The whole building instantly welcomed nagisa
  • THEM FINALLY ANNOUNCING THEY’RE TOGETHER IN ONE OF THE CLASS E REUNIONS
  • ALL OF CLASS E GIVE THEM AN “are you kidding me” LOOK SAYING IT WAS SO OBVIOUS AND WHAT TOOK THEM SO LONG
  • MAEHARA AND ISOGAI SHARED MOMENTS THEY LITERALLY THOUGHT THEY WERE DATING
  • EVEN SUGINO SAID HE WAS THIRD-WHEELING AROUND THEM
  • THEY ENDED UP CREATING JOKES LIKE “the gods have answered” and “koro-sensei is so proud”
  • KARMA AND NAGISA LEARNING HOW GAY THEY REALLY WERE BACK THEN AND IT DEFINITELY THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING THEY EXPERIENCED
  • NAKAMURA BEING LIKE “HOLY FUCK I WAITED FOR THIS FOR 8 YEARS, TERASAKA WHERES MY MONEY AT”

♥ MR. AND MRS. SMITH SENTENCE STARTERS
feel free to adjust sentences to make it fit your muse better!

  • ❛ I never told you, but I was married once before. ❜
  • ❛ It was just a drunken Vegas thing. ❜
  • ❛ What’s her name and social security number? ❜
  • ❛ No, you’re not gonna kill her. ❜
  • ❛ If you don’t like them we can take them back. ❜
  • ❛ Happy endings are just stories that haven’t finished yet. ❜
  • ❛ The new curtains are hideous. ❜
  • ❛ Your aim’s as bad as your cooking sweetheart… and that’s saying something! ❜
  • ❛ Wait, why do I get the girl gun? ❜
  • ❛ You gotta take this bitch out! ❜
  • ❛ Don’t tell me how to handle my wife. ❜
  • ❛ It was just my cover, sweetheart. ❜
  • ❛ My parents died when I was five. I’m an orphan. ❜
  • ❛ That’s the second time you’ve tried to kill me today. ❜
  • ❛ Oh, come on, it was just a little bomb. ❜
  • ❛ Ask us the sex question. ❜
  • ❛ Still alive, baby? ❜
  • ❛ You obviously want me dead, and I’m less and less concerned for your well-being. ❜
  • ❛ Hey baby. I didn’t hear you downstairs. ❜
  • ❛ These fuckers get younger every year. ❜
  • ❛ I can’t believe I brought my real parents to our wedding. ❜
  • ❛ I guess that’s what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning. ❜
  • ❛ Chicken shit! ❜
  • ❛ Pussy! ❜
  • ❛ Come to Daddy. ❜
  • ❛ Who’s your Daddy now? ❜
  • ❛ Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch. ❜
  • ❛ Come on, let’s talk about this! You don’t want to go to bed angry! ❜
  • ❛ I thought I told you not to bother me at the office, honey. ❜
  • ❛ You burn the picture after you get the assignment! It’s the first thing you learn! ❜
  • ❛ Oh, I must have missed that day. Just like you missed the one about not marrying the enemy. ❜
  • ❛ Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. ❜
  • ❛ Option B: You don’t talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. ❜
  • ❛ Option C: I like to vary the details a bit but the punchline is… you die. ❜
  • ❛ You saying you had your ass handed to you by some girl? ❜
  • ❛ There’s this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don’t say to each other. What’s that called?  ❜
  • ❛ I have a theory, newly developed. ❜
  • ❛ I think you killed us. ❜
  • ❛ Why do you care? I was just a cover. ❜
  • ❛ It’s called evasive driving, sweetheart! ❜
  • ❛ I never went to MIT. Notre Dame. Art history major. ❜
  • ❛ Maybe it’s not such a good idea to undermine me in front of the hostage — sends a mixed message. ❜
  • ❛ Baby, you couldn’t find the button with both hands and a map. ❜
  • ❛ you really expect me to roll over and play dead? ❜
  • ❛ Well, you should be used to it after five years of marriage. ❜
  • ❛ We should so not be allowed to buy these. ❜
  • ❛ Tempting but I don’t get out of bed for less than half a million dollars. ❜
  • ❛ We’re going to have to re-do every conversation we’ve ever had. ❜
  • ❛ Have you been selling big guns to bad people? ❜

anonymous asked:

I'm sure you've already posted this so sorry for asking, but could you share a few of your favorite Stony fics? I've been looking for longer fics I haven't read with like, actual plot and stuff. Thanks love your blog bye

*Rubs hands Together* RIGHT! OKAY! LET’S DO THIS!

(So by ‘longer fics’, I’ve tried to look for a few that are over 20k, and a few of them will almost certainly be ones you’ve read, but these are just some of my personal favourites! And I LOVE recommendations, so if anyone has any for me, I’d love to hear them!)

Gee’s Super Duper Amazing List of SteveTony:

1) Emanata (The Comics Will Break Your Heart Remix)

Author: Teaberryblue
Words: 29k
Rating: teen
Archive warnings: None

Identity porn, comic artist Steve, and both of those nerds drawing out their feelings for one another via Teetering-On-Wildy-Inappropriate-Comics!

2) As Easy As..

Author: Scavenge4Dreams
words: 135k series spanning ten works
Rating: Mature
Archive Warnings: None

Okay, so listen. listen. This series is, probably, my all-time favourite SteveTony series ever? If anyone asks me to rec a fic, this is the first place i go. Stunning writing, amazing emotion, and A N G ST LIKE YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE.

3) Insomniac Dreaming

Author: Scavenge4Dreams
Words: 110k spanning 10 works
Rating: Explicit
Archive Warnings: None

Again, 10 amazing works that will have you screaming into your pillow at 3am with your Tony-feels. Believe me. All fics centred around the subject of sleep, or lack of.

4) First Impressions and Second Chances

Author: Lilsmartass
Words: 178k spanning over 6 works
Rating: Teen
Archive Warnings: Violence

So this series is one of the first I ever read fanfic-wise, and trust me… it sticks with you. I didn’t have to even search this shit up. It’s burned into me. OH MY GOD IT WILL MAKE! YOU! CRY! THE TONY-FEELS! HOLY SHIT! To be honest, the Stony elements only come in toward the last works in the series, but honestly. Just read it anyway. It’s truly superb, and will wrench your heart out.

5) I (created from fantasies) exist solely for you

Author: Mizzy
Words: 62k
Rating: Teen
Archive Warnings: none

This is a comic book office AU, where Steve is defrosted a year too late, Thor has forgotten who he is, and no one knows Tony is Iron Man.
SO GOOD!

6) Unveil my unsightly heart

Author: Mizzy
Words: 43k
Rating: mature
Archive Warnings: None

Author continues to excel themselves at making me cry. Loved it, amazing to watch Steve and Tony’s relationship grow and develop. Also a really good plot, too!

7) Over Sea, Under Stars

Author: Vorkosigan
Words: 27k (WiP)
Rating: Teen
Archive Warnings: None

First post-CW fic that I’ve chosen to stick with and read, and loving it so far!

8) Man Out of Time

Author: Samptra
Words: 39k
Rating: Explicit
Archive Warnings: None

HOLY SHIT! TONY FALLS INTO A TIME HOLE AND JOINS THE ARMY WITH STEVE! SUCH A GOOD FIC!

9) A Fistful of Steves: This Town Ain’t Big Enough

Author: Teaberryblue
Words:30k
Rating: Teen
Archive Warnings: None

When Tony Stark takes a bullet intended for Steve Rogers, he wakes up in a world entirely peopled by alternate incarnations of everyone’s favorite Star-Spangled Man.
Welcome to Stevechester, Population: Steve

10) dreaming through the decades

Author: theappleppielifestyle
Words: 22k
Rating: Gen
Archive Warnings: none

THE CUTEST SHIT IN THE WORLD. HONESTLY. SOULMATE FIC WHERE YOUR SOULMATE SHARES YOUR DREAMS. GOD. SO GOOD.


If anyone had any recommendations for me, feel free to let my know! I’m always up for reading new stuff!

The Diary

“What’s this?” you hear from behind you as Reid continues to go through the boxes you were currently unpacking. Moving in together had been an important and exciting decision after months of dating. So there you were, joining your lives together even more and making Reid’s apartment look like the home you had always imagined it would be. Turning around at his question, your eyes widen and you rush to where he’s standing, reaching for the object in his hands but the genius moved faster and put it behind his back, a smile growing on his face.

“Reid, give me that.” you warned as you tried to get the green, small, leathered book you didn’t hide properly. Your boyfriend, however, had other ideas. His back turned and he opens the journal, giggling immediately.

“Dear diary,” he reads. “we saved 6 lives today. Garcia wanted to celebrate so her, me, Morgan, Reid and Prentiss went out. A drunk Garcia is something I’ll never get tired of seeing, even when she pukes on Morgan’s shoes.” the memory elicits a laugh from the young man as he flips through the next pages.

“Reid, I’m serious. Give me that.” he was standing in the front of the room now, avoiding your protests and chuckling as he kept reading.

“November 9th, Rossi had the team over for dinner and taught me some new recipes. He doesn’t know that when he left me alone in the kitchen I almost set the house on fire, but I’m working on my skills.”

“If you don’t give me that I’ll set this house on fire, I’m not kidding.” your face had softened now, the anger slowly slipping out of you and embarrassment replacing it. He was going back and forth with the book and you had given up now, even joining him in laughter as he recounted many of your adventures and happiest moments.

“March 10th. I met someone.” Oh no. Your body froze and you sat up from your place on the couch, heading towards your boyfriend again but his height proved to be your disadvantage once more as he held the book high above you and continued reading. “This was the day you joined the team.”

“Spence, please.” he had wrapped his free arm around your waist while you still tried to get your book back.

“I met seven people, actually. I joined the BAU today and I don’t think I’ve ever been this frightened. The team leader, Agent Hotchner seems intimidating and extremely private, but when he smiles he seems like a warm presence to be around. I’ve been a fan of David Rossi for the longest time and getting to work with him sounds exciting. Agent Jareau is as pretty in real life as she is on television and Agent Prentiss exudes safety, like you know you’re in good hands with her. Agent Morgan is a flirt, I was a little surprised at his instant friendliness but it was a good surprise. The tech analyst, Penelope Garcia, is by far the coolest person I’ve ever met. I need to talk to her more. And then… there’s him.”

Reid turned to you with your favorite kind of smile of his. It was small, a faint movement of lips easily dismissed by anyone who wasn’t really looking, but carried with emotion in his eyes. You could swear someone had put the stars in them whenever you looked into them.

“Doctor Spencer Reid, hates handshakes and stares a little too long at people (or maybe that was just my imagination). He talks a lot and though the team drifted off into other tasks while so, I couldn’t help but listen to every word coming out of his lips. He has the kind of voice you just can’t stop listening to. Besides his impressive IQ, his doctorates and other skills, he’s incredibly handsome, the kind of handsome that leaves you speechless. I know I was. There’s something really special about him, not his looks or his intellectual, but something that draws you with force. He feels familiar, like I’ve known him all my life. He feels like home.”

Expecting another set of laughs from Reid, you were surprised to find him in silence, going through your words once more until his eyes fell back on you. There it was, the look on his face. Love. The look that made you feel like the luckiest person in the whole wide world. He pulled you in and crashed his lips into yours in a gentle yet passionate manner. It was like that with Reid, even the simplest and smallest moments and gestures were filled with an incredible amount of meaning and passion.

“I can’t believe you thought that of me when you first met me,” he mumbled with a smile. “Most people think I’m weird and not worth a second thought.”

You shook your head. “I think I just knew. I knew that someday, not too long from that moment… I knew you’d become my world. You’ve remained as such ever since.”

After a couple of minutes in each other’s embrace and a few more kisses, you went back to unpacking your boxes, but not before hearing Reid chuckling and sitting back down.

“August 6th, Reid and I had sex in Rossi’s office — oh I am definitely reading this one.”

anonymous asked:

ahhh i love your small aus so much!! i was in a super sad mood but the aus helped me cheer up!! ♡ may i request a small au for taeyong? tysm ♡♡♡♡

thank u!!! im sorry you’re in a bad mood, feel better quick!!!~~

  • tech support!taeyong 
  • wears his name tag around his neck with his id and on the back of it he keeps a photo of him and his sister because he’s a soft sweetheart 
  • and he is always really helpful and good at explaining
  • and everyone in the office hits on him because,,,,,like have you seen his face 
  • and it makes him super embarrassed 
  • so he’ll be like “you can switch the capable here or-” 
  • someone: you can switch my cables ;)
  • taeyong: “or-o - o r- o r,,,, o r,,,,,,,um,,,,,excuse me i need,,,to just ,,,, bathroom,,,,,excuse me,,,”
  • he’s basically an awkward mess ,,,, but it’s really adorable and he just wants to fix computers and fix bugs,,,,,let him live
  • and you keep calling tech support on your computer because, yes you admit it, taeyong is really sweet and has a face carved from stone and his voice is like,,,,,,woah he’s just The Whole Package
  • and did you “accidentally” spill all this soda on your keyboard. yes. you “accidentally” did
  • but with you taeyong,,,,secretly really likes helping you because unlike the other people who make him uncomfortable and are just straightforwardly flirting
  • you ask him about his day and if he’s had lunch and it’s nice to be treated like a normal person instead of just ogled at for his looks
  • and taeyong is fixing your keyboard, telling you about this museum he’s going to after work and you’re like !!!!! oh that’s my favorite one in the city their exhibit on egyptian art is my favorite!!!
  • and taeyong perks up and he’s like “i love it too! im a member there, so tickets are free for me on this day!!” and you’re like WOah im jealous
  • and he’s like “you can come with me,,,,,,,if you’re free,,,,”
  • and you’re like OH,,,,,woah,,,,,he never asks anyone from work to hangout omg
  • and you’re like i,,,id love to
  • and you two do it, meeting up to take the train and talking more and it’s totally a first date because when you come back to the office and taeyong shyly waves at you, biting back his lip as he walks past your desk
  • the whole office turns to you and is like: you lucky son of a gun 

anonymous asked:

Hey Gray! I love your blog :D I was wondering if you could do this request: RFA+Minor trio reacting to MC's and their own child being bullied in front of them (like maybe the bullies didn't see them RIGHT THERE) for being chubby but the daughter/son is like really chill and hits them with a 'I'm used to it it's ok' thank you :DD I'll request more now!! Good luck with your blog and excuse my english lolol

Hey now, you’re an all star I’m so sorry nobody is allowed to apologize for their English on this blog. You’re really good with it, so don’t worry at all! English is a bitch to learn, and if anyone judges you I will f i g h t. Also, no matter how many other blogs I’ve seen in the past, I still don’t know who makes up the minor trio. I’ve seen it mentioned a lot, and I always assumed it’s Jaehee, V, and Saeran. If it’s someone else, I’ll gladly write for them, too! (Dialogue of fat-shaming in Jaehee’s. Just a heads up!)


Yoosung:

  • He had to pick up your kid from school one day because he got off from work early
  • Yoosung drove there just a little too early when he saw your child getting harassed by three other kids
  • oh no
  • nonononono
  • Instead of just driving up, he parked that damn car and walked up
  • Just far enough so they thought he was a highschooler  even if hes older hes still small you can fight me on this
  • Once he was in earshot, his only thought was how dare they
  • The things they were saying were downright disgusting to him
  • Yoosung walked right up and tapped one of them on the shoulder
  • “Hey there buddy boy, I’m going to ask, no, tell you to kindly leave and never speak to my child again”
  • Your kid just kinda bip bopped along with him after he turned to leave after the kids had given half-hearted apologies
  • “Hey, Dad?” “What? Do you want ice cream? We can go. If you want to talk, we can do that, too” “I just wanted to say that you didn’t need to do that. What they said is pretty normal for me”
  • oh hell no
  • Yoosung just nodded slightly “But it doesn’t have to be” “It’s just like that, but can we still get ice cream?” “Yep! Just don’t tell, MC!” “Will you promise not to tell them about my school either? I don’t want them worried, since you seem to be”
  • So they went out to a small shop that wasn’t too far away from your home and talked about animals
  • Then once they got home, you could see him looking concerned at your child when the put their bag from school up
  • He went to his office and typed out an email
  • Turns out, he got the three kids suspended
  • PTA Dad Yoosung won’t stand for that shit
  • Didn’t tell MC because he promised

Zen:

  • You can’t tell me he’s not a PTA dad either
  • Sure, practice sometimes doesn’t allow him to go to every meeting
  • But you know he’s ready to fight Nancy at the bake sale because what were those brownies, Jesus, Nancy
  • aNYWAYS, you both had to go to one of those lame ass schools fairs
  • you couldn’t say no to your kid because those puppy eyes reminded you of Zen’s
  • You were waiting in line for food while Zen was buying tickets for things and you let your child go off with their friends
  • Then the yelling started dAMMIT, ZEN
  • “How dare you talk to my child like that?” “Well, um, sir-” “No, I’m not hearing it from you, young man” “I want to say-” “Not you either, young lady!”
  • Zen walked back with your kid in tow and he was fuming
  • “MC! Can we leave? There’s much better food at the restaurant we passed” “Only if you tell me what happened, because it looks like our daughter is perfectly fine” “No, she is nOT. They were making fun of her weight! How dare they insult our princess” “Zen, You sound like a script right now, calm down”
  • Your child just mumbled, “Well, that’s what happened during school anyways”
  • Turning around so quickly that you got bitch-slapped by his hair, he looked at your kid
  • He was n o t having this shit
  • “Who cares if you’ve got squish? There’s just more to love! Those kids are douchebags” “Zen-” “As long as you’re comfortable with you, there’s no issue. If you feel bad because of that snotbag, I will find out who his mom is and raise hell” “Zen-” “That one girl looked like her mom runs a drug cartel. I should know, too, because her mom is probably Bethany” “Hyun!”
  • He turned back towards you flashing a slightly awkward smile
  • “MC, that boy was a beast
  • “Not this again” Well, damn, if your kid is sick of it, he probably should be, too
  • You ended up leaving after your kid was done with his shit wanted to leave
  • He may or may not have raised a little hell on the board
  • Gave a two minute monologue on bullying at the monthly meeting

Jaehee: (Good end and after end spoilers)

  • Your son liked to hang around the café after school was done with a few friends
  • He came in one day with several people, a few being ones you recognized
  • You were taking orders and Jaehee was wiping down tables along with picking up dishes
  • cue dramatic plate falling when she overheard their conversation
  • “Maybe your clothes wouldn’t be so big if your  parents didn’t bake so much for you” “He’s right. All those pastries can’t be that great. Especially with how little you do in PE” “Maybe stop eating all of your lun-”
  • “Excuse me, but who are you, ma’am?” “Just a friend of this kid” “Get out of this café” “Who are you? Where’s the manager?”
  • “Mom, it’s fi-” “I’m Mrs. Kang, the owner of this establishment, and the disgusting comments you are making are towards my son. Leave
  • The girl turned bright red and moved to gather her things
  • Jaehee’s badass arm stopped her from properly getting up
  • “I thought it was heavily implied that you were to apologize”
  • She was downright glaring at this kid
  • You paused when nobody else was at the counter and turned your attention to what was going down
  • This look wasn’t even reserved for customers who threw orders at her
  • Once the girl left after having to repeat her apology several times, all the others followed, trying not to maintain eye contact with Jaehee
  • She slid in the booth across from your son and had a lengthy discussion about what was wrong for people to say
  • Jaehee had had enough in her life getting treated awfully, so your kid wasn’t allowed to have any of that
  • That night, you had to talk her out of fighting that kid
  • “Jaehee, that’s assault” “MC, it’s justice

Seven:

  • He was dicking around with the security system at your kid’s school
  • It’s not stalking if its not obsessive
  • The system’s visual aspect may not be strong, but the audio was pretty okay
  • Seven just wanted to hear what your child was doing after the bell had rung (I had to look up if it was rung or rang just now)
  • As soon as he heard what a person was saying that was most definitely not your child, he was ready to f i g h t
  • Your kid came back from school that day and went to greet him
  • He may or may not have turned around in an office chair dramactically
  • “So who’s Jun Ho? He sounds like a real biiiii-I mean, jerkwad” “How do you know who he is? He’s in one of my classes.” “Some teacher emailed me saying he was being rude to you. Making remarks on your appearance or something” “Oh, yeah, he does that a lot. It stopped bugging me awhile ago”
  • Red Alert: How About No?
  • “He shouldn’t be saying things like that in the first place. Why do you even talk to him?” “Jun Ho gives me food” “As much as I love food, you should never be degraded to get it” “But it’s soda, and I can’t take that to school” “You won’t get in trouble if no one finds out. That’s besides the point. Can you please drop that douuu-um, that trashcan? You don’t deserve to be told anything that’s negative about yourself that isn’t constructive”
  • Your kid just tried to assure him that It’s Fine, Dad but it most definitely Was Not
  • So then he went into every social media account he could find of Jun Ho’s and left some lovely messages and photos for the kid to find later

Jumin:

  • you know this motherfucker sent your kid to a private school
  • He didn’t realize that not every person would be magically nice to eachother
  • Just let him believe
  • Jumin was content with that for awhile until The Incident
  • Your son was walking back into your home as he was video chatting people at a party
  • For some reason, their conversation dropped off to what sports people were playing and some dumbass in the background made a rude remark to your kid
  • Jumin walked over and took the phone from your son’s hand and got the attention of the teenagers
  • holy shit, that was the dude that their parents made those important business deals with
  • that suit is probably worth more than all my organs
  • damn, he looks like he’s about ready to fail all of us in a class
  • Please refrain from ever contacting this phone ever again. Your words are unappreciated by myself”
  • Your son was desperately trying to mute him repeating that it was all okay
  • Jumin was still drilling these kids
  • “Furthermore, it is not any of your business to inquire about an individual’s health whatsoever. I will have you make good note that everything in this household is meticulously organized, so no, you’re not ‘concerned for his health’ or any other excuse that is as incompetent as yourselves. Have a good evening”
  • Sassy Jumin snapping that hang up button
  • Then he held out the phone to your son that took it nervously
  • “You’re never to speak to them again” “Dad, I-” “No, it is absolutely not fine. You will not be told that just because you’re not of the bare minimum weight, that you are any less of a human being. You are to be respected. If you are to speak to any of your classmates, please inform them that all business deals with their families will end soon.”
  • He most definitely called all of their parents that evening to tell them of these changes
  • Blocked every number he could
  • Also made sure that any future advertisements that were made by any department were to be inclusive of plus-size models

V:

  • There was a new museum and he was invited to attend it’s opening with his family
  • No way this Cotton Candy Man could say no when your daughter got excited at the mention of an artist she loved that was to have an exhibit showcased
  • Everyone had gotten dressed up for the occasion, including V in a snazzy I’m so sorry that I use that word suit, yourself in comfortable formal wear, and your daughter wearing a tighter blouse with a skirt
  • What she wore didn’t bug you or Jihyun, whatever made her the most loving to herself was fine by you
  • The three of you had walked in and were walking around to greet other guests and enjoy hors d'oeuvres
  • Your daughter walked off to admire the paintings until who you recognized as one of her fellow students walked up to her
  • There was no use in eavesdropping so you continued to walk as V walked into the room of the pieces
  • He honestly didn’t notice them until he could hear your child’s voice
  • Then he noticed what the other party was saying
  • Calm Dad walked over to them and apologized for his interruption in the conversation to tell off the student for what they were saying about your daughter’s outfit
  • “Hey, Dad, Mi Na wasn’t bothering me” “Then she was bothering me. Mi Na, please refrain from speaking negatively about my daughter’s appearance in the future. I assure you that whatever clothing she wishes to wear will not effect you”
  • You looked over to see the “Bitch, you ain’t shit” smile on his face and got interested to see what was going on
  • He explained to you the situation then spoke to your daughter again with a short lecture on Why She Was Perfect and Why People Suck
  • Got the girl kicked out from the museum afterwards
  • To make it up, even though “It was fINE, DAD,” V was able to get artwork from the artist your daughter was so excited to see

Saeran:

  • this one’s going to do with an ice cream parlor I’m sorry
  • He agreed to go on a family outing as long as the crowds weren’t too big
  • Hey, if you made it this far, don’t mess it up
  • To his favorite ice cream parlor first!
  • None of you cared if it was eleven am
  • It was always time for ice cream
  • While you three were waiting in line, your child noticed that the person scooping was the dickbag of an upperclassman that had been harassing them for a couple of weeks
  • Saeran noticed how they acted and offered to get a table with them so that it would fit into conversation easily
  • They nodded and went with them so that he could ask what happened
  • Your kid told him that the boy at the counter was giving him shit for his weight and that “It’s perfectly fine”
  • Then Saeran was p i s s e d
  • He assured them that they were perfectly fine as long as they liked themselves
  • Saeran then offered for them to go back in the line where you were ordering your food
  • Your child was slightly anxious as to what he’d do to the worker
  • He glared at that upperclassman so strongly that you thought he had killed Saeran’s joy in life
  • Considering how much Saeran loved his new family, he pretty much did, so the kid deserved to be scared for half a minute
  • He then smiled at you when you handed a cone to him and you sat down with the three of you eating happily
  • Saeran noticed the glances he was getting but didn’t mind them
  • He glared at the kid again for good measure when he held open the door

I’m sorry that this took me so long! Also, no offense if your name is Nancy or Bethany. They’re just my go to PTA Mom names. I’m going to try to get at least two requests up each day. I hope that this was to your satisfaction, but I’ll happily fix anything if you see fit. Much love to you all!

New Girl

Pairing: Stiles x Reader

Author: @ninja-stiles

Words: 1493

Author’s Note: I saw a gif of Stiles and made this cute little thing. There will most likely be a part two if people want it. Thanks to the greatest @dumbass-stilinski for editing it, telling me that one part was confusing and making me realize somethings that I wrote didn’t transform from my phone to my computer. Enjoy all!

Keep reading

Million Dollar Man

+Request: harry smut with harry as ur boss who’s been flirting with you and you’ve been teasing him a lot but u two haven’t had sex bc u know people would talk if they found out, but then he makes a really risky move that makes u change ur mind 

 A/N: Hey guys back with another imagine. I hope you guys like it because I worked super hard on this. I would love so much if you guys would leave feed back and tell me what you guys think of it. love you all and thank you! 

This one shot I based a bit off of and even named it from the original song called Million dollar man by Lana Del Rey. Go check out the song its so good, one of my favorites by her. 

 Working with Harry wasn’t as bad as it all really seems. Yes he may be strict and yes he may yell a lot but I just know that when you have to work with people that sometimes are idiots and don’t wanna do their work it is hard not to come off as a prick. Harry was a very smart man, he knew what he was doing and how to really become successful. I’ve only been working with Harry for about 3 months, it isn’t that long for you to base your perspective off of someone you barely know. But all of that aside, I has a crush on my boss. 

 He is so tall and strong and beautiful long curly hair. I just wanna run my hands through his hair and hear him moan to how good it feels. But there are a lot of other things I wanna do to him to hear him moan. I just wanna crawl under his desk and pull down his pants and suck his cock. I wanna hear him moan out my name so loud and to place his hand on the back of my head and push me down farther. I wanna look up and stare at his face while this is going down and see him roll his eyes back in his head and plead for more. I want him to finish in my mouth and to feel his cum run down my throat. But hes my boss so it would never happen.

                                      ———————————— 

Keep reading

  • spock, voice breaking from emotion: jim,.,,. why'd you come back for me
  • jim, voice also breaking from emotion: because the needs of the one,,., outweigh the needs,. of the many...
  • spock: jim you fucking piece of shit i've been your first officer and boyfriend for seven years and you throw this illogical statement at me have you learned NOTHING all this time oh my go D

tinyfey  asked:

What is it like writing for/working with Kate McKinnon? :)

Oh god. Just the best. Kate is one of my dearest friends and one of the best, most talented, most generous people I have ever met. I cannot say enough good things about her. We knew each other before SNL, and then she was hired toward the end of my first season. We started sharing an office, and I wrote her first sketch with her. To get to watch her kill it on the show, almost immediately, was so so wonderful. I always knew she was talented, but to watch her become an ALL TIMER, has been just the loveliest experience. 

When I write with her, she makes everything better. EVERYTHING. She is endlessly funny, knows what her strengths are, and on stage, she can turn a mediocre joke I wrote into a great joke through pure force and talent. 

She is a genius.

PS I hate when people overuse the word “genius” – I think its used too much. Most people are not geniuses. Theyre very smart or talented, but not a genius. Kate is one of the few people I would actually call a genius. God, I just love her!

Her only fault is that here side of the office is a fucking shit-show. Just an ugly mess.

Fresh Start - Part 3

Pairing: Barry Allen x Reader

Featuring: Joe West and Julian Albert

Words: 2369

Warnings: none

Tags: @onceuponateenpanwolfian @moonlightbae14 @gothesimplethingsinlife @writingsofagirlintomanyfandoms

Request: none

Notes: thank you to everyone who’s reading this story! I’m so happy you like it so far!

Originally posted by dailygrantgustin

PART 1  /  PART 2  /  PART 4  /  PART 5  /  PART 6  /  PART 7  /  PART 8


Of course that incident during your very first hours in Central City had consequences. You told Thea what happened that same night and, of course, she ended up telling Oliver in no time. As a result, your voicemail was full of messages of a really angry, worried and protective older brother who threatened with showing up in Central City and taking you back with him if you didn’t call him back in less than 12 hours.

Talking him out of that threat in the morning wasn’t easy at all but somehow you managed to calm him down after being with him on the phone for more than an hour. You really appreciated his concern but there were times when you just wanted to kick his ass. Especially when his overprotection caused you to be late for your first day at journalism school.

You were lucky your teacher was a nice mid-age woman. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have been allowed to walk in the class. The first subject was actually pretty interesting. They were going to teach how to write a proper article, what register you had to use and which one you couldn’t, which were the right words according to the topic. They were going to teach you how to write. What you didn’t expect was to have work to do by the time the class had finished.

“I want an article about the topic you chose concerning Central City. It can be about projects the Mayor is carrying out, shops opening, metahumans, crime…whatever you chose is ok. Just remember: adjust your register, your language and state your sources. You have a week. Thank you and I see you on Wednesday” she explained while she took her papers.

The rest of the classes were as interesting as the first one and you couldn’t wait to see what this degree had to offer but you were already loving it. Lucky for you, the only work you had to do so far was writing that article and you had a week. Your way back home, all you could think about was topics to write about and you couldn’t come up with any good one.

It took you a time to find a parking spot and when you did, you went straight to Jitters to have lunch since you still didn’t have time to buy groceries and didn’t feel like doing it. When you finally had your lunch and a table to sit, you took out your laptop and started doing some research on the city while you called Thea.

“Hey! How was your first day?”  She asked the moment she picked it up.

“Great! I already love it” you smiled with enthusiasm. “But I already have work to do and I honestly don’t know where to start” you said.

“What is it about? Maybe I can help” she suggested. Soon you told her what the class was about and what you had to do, hoping she could really help you out on this one.

“And I don’t know what I can talk about. When the teacher started talking about writing an article, I immediately thought about writing it about Oliver, you know? I can get an interview with the Mayor of Star City” you laughed. “But then she said it had to be about Central City” you sighed scrolling down the screen in search for some inspiration.

“I would do it about metahumans” she said right away. You frowned at the answer.

“I’m not really interested in them” you commented.

“But people is! It’s an article people would read. Normal people with super powers? C’mon!” She exclaimed.

“Well you have a point…” you said as you typed ‘metahumans’ and searched for it. “I would definitely have information” you added as you saw all the results.

“And I’m sure you can even go to the police and ask someone there. They must have an expert or something like that” she told you.

“I guess…” you whispered. “Actually yes, maybe I can do it about metas” you nodded to yourself. “Thanks Thea, you’re a love” you said.

“I know” she said. You rolled your eyes at the response. “I gotta go to work but I’ll text you later, ok?”

“Ok, bye Speedy” you said before hanging up. “Metahumans…” you mumbled looking through the articles that had been written about them. “The world is crazy” you added before closing your laptop.

You had your topic, you had a week and you were hungry. It could definitely wait.

When you finished your lunch you went straight to the supermarket. You couldn’t just waste money eating out so the sooner you had your food, the sooner you would stop wasting money. The rest of the day was spent at home, unpacking and putting everything in place while you made a list of the things you needed for the apartment. By the time you were done, you were completely exhausted so you made yourself some popcorn, connected your computer to the TV and turned on Netflix.

Next day at university, the classes were as interesting as the first one. Except History of Journalism. That was the most boring class you had ever attended to and the teacher didn’t help. All he did was turning off the lights, turn on the computer and play a PowerPoint while he started talking in a monotone tone that would make anyone fall asleep.

So, after 15 minutes trying to paying attention and not getting anywhere with that, you opened your internet browser and started doing some research of metahumans as you took notes of everything you saw that it looked interesting. You knew there had been many metahumans attacks here in Central City but you never thought there would be that much. In less than five minutes you had a whole list of fifteen metahumans with different powers. But one of them stood out: The Flash.

The scarlet speedster that had saved Central City was all around the papers. Obviously he was loved by the whole city and he had even worked with the Green Arrow sometimes. It was interesting but the articles didn’t give you much more information. You needed a source and you knew where to get one: CCPD. You searched through the department web and soon you came up with a name: Julia Albert, metahumans expert. He was your guy.

When you finished your classes you went straight to the police department. There had to be someone who could give you more information about these metas so, once again, you were standing in front of the desk. Fortunately, this time there was another man behind it. A nicer one than the last time.

“I’m a journalism student and I have to write an article for one of my classes” you started explaining after he asked you what you needed. “I’ve decided to write it about metahumans so I was wondering if I could talk to Julian Albert? Your expert” you smiled.

“First I would need to your student ID if that’s not a problem” the man smiled at you.

“Oh sure! Sorry” you chuckled looking for it in your bag. Soon you found it and showed to him before hanging it around your neck.

“Alright, Miss Queen” the officer said with a smile. “Albert’s lab is upstairs. Turn left and you will find it at the end of the corridor” he informed you.

“Thank you” you smiled at him before following his instructions.

You would love to say that you got there with no problems but the truth was that your orientation wasn’t good at all so you had to ask for indications once again. Finally, you found the door with a sign next to it that said “Forensic Lab”. You peeked in and saw a blond guy sat down in front of a table, focused on some papers, and another one next to the window, looking at some kind of tube. Before you could say anything, the blond one got up in a hurry.

“Caitlin texted me. She has the result. I’ll text you later” he said taking his coat. His British accent actually surprised you.

“Alright” the other guy said.

“Hi…” you said shyly as you walked into the laboratory.

Both of them looked at you at the same time, obviously not expecting anyone at the moment. You imagined the blond guy was Julian Albert, the expert, since you recognized the other one as Barry, the nice guy you met on your first day. It looked like he recognized you as well, since he smiled at you the moment he looked at you.

“Hi! What a surprise,” Barry said.

“Do you know her?” Julian asked confused.

“I met her the other day downstairs. What are you doing here? Is everything ok?” He asked walking over you.

“Yes, actually I came to talk to you…Julian?” You said looking at the British.

“That’s too bad because I have to go. Sorry. But I’m sure Barry will be able to help you” he said walking pass you before you had the chance to say anything.

When he was gone you just stood there like an idiot, a bit confused by how he had stormed off all of sudden. Did you smell or something? When you heard a chuckle in the room, you turned to look at Barry to see him laughing silently.

“Something funny?” You asked raising an eyebrow.

“No, sorry” he chuckled. “You just…look funny right now” he shrugged.

“Well, thank you” you said crossing your arms.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you” he apologized and put the tube on the table. “Can I help you?” He asked.

“I…don’t think so” you frowned. “I came here because I’m writing an article about metahumans for a class so I wanted to talk to the expert but he’s gone faster than The Flash” you told Barry.

“Believe me, The Flash is way faster than that” he smiled as he walked over you. “What are you studying?” He asked.

“Journalism. Just started” you smiled proudly.

“Really? A friend of mine is a journalist for the CCPN” he told you. “Central City Picture News” he added when he saw your confusion. “You’re not from here, are you?” He asked.

“I’m from Star City, actually. I’m still trying to get used to the place” you shrugged.

“I see” he nodded. “Well, Julian is busy right now and I think he will be gone for a while. But maybe I can help you” he shrugged.

“Do you know anything about metahumans?” You raised an eyebrow.

“You would be surprised” he chuckled.

The answer was somewhat odd but you decided to let it go. This guy was one of the few people that had been nice to you since your arrival so you didn’t want to bother him with stupid questions.

“Well…ok” you nodded. “So can I ask you some questions?” You said awkwardly since you still wasn’t too sure about how this interviewing thing worked.

“Barry!” A big man came into the room wearing a black coat with a white shirt underneath. “We have to go. Cisco called me. It’s important” he said.

“Eh…Joe, this is (Y/N)” he said stopping this Joe for talking, like he could say anything wrong.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you had company. I’m Joe West, detective” he smiled kindly as he shook your head.

“Nice to meet you” you smiled at him and looked at Barry. “Raincheck?” You asked.

“Absolutely” he said taking a piece of paper and writing something down. “Call me tonight and we can meet up, alright?” he said handing the paper over.

“Sure. Thank you” you smiled at him.

“No problem” he smiled back. “See you”

None of them gave you time to say anything else before they left. Well, it looked everyone in this place was in a hurry except you. With a sigh, you put the paper in your back pocket and you looked around but since you had nothing else to do there you decided to leave the place before someone saw you. You didn’t even know if you were supposed to be there unaccompanied.

You had to do a couple things for college and you were starving so you went straight to the apartment to get it done. The afternoon was over before you even realized but you managed to get everything done in time. Still, you had some laundry to do so you took your basket and went to the laundry room of the building. Before putting the jeans in the machine, you checked the pockets and it was there when you came across the piece of paper Barry gave you.

“Damn!” you exclaimed.

Quickly, you put your laundry in the machine and took out your phone. It was almost 1 a.m. but maybe you were lucky and Barry was still awake. First, you saved his number into your phone and then, hesitantly, you dialed it and waited, biting your lip as you felt some tickling in your stomach.

“Hello?” His voice said on the other side of the phone.

“Hi Barry. It’s me, (Y/N)” you said.

“Oh, hi! I was starting to think that you had found another metahuman expert to talk to” he said making you laugh a little.

“I would never do that to you” you smiled. “Sorry it took me so long, I’ve been busy” you sighed.

“No worries. I’ve been busy too so I guess you called just in time” he said.

“I’m glad then. So…when are you available?” You asked biting your lip. Why did you felt so nervous doing this?

“Are you free tomorrow? Maybe we can have some coffee around 10 in the morning?” He suggested. Luckily for you, you didn’t have your first class until noon the next day so 10 should be fine.

“Sure! That would be great” you agreed.

“Perfect. Do you know where Jitters is?” He asked.

“Of course” you smiled. “So…see you there at 10 then” you said.

“Sure. See you tomorrow. Goodnight” he replied.

“Goodnight Barry” you said and slowly hung up, ignoring all those sensations going up and down your body just by the sound of his voice. Definitely, you needed to calm down.

I bet you Sherlock and John were pen pals when they were little, they just don’t remember it. Like Sherlock would have really cute bee stationery his mum bought him  - without lines, because he’s too old for lines - and one of those address stickers but with bees on them. And he wouldn’t really want to have a pen pal at first, because who needs those, and also, the name is stupid, his mum makes him write in pencil anyways. Which is okay because he has one with honeycomb designs. But his mum signs him up anyways and he gets a letter from John in the mail, and his letter has pirate stationery and Sherlock thinks this is so cool and Sherlock (Billy) writes to John about pirates, and John returns with another letter complimenting him on the bee stationery and asking him how he made the address sticker, and it just goes on until they get a little too old for pen pals, or John moves away. And years and years later they’re living together and in love and Rosie starts getting older and Mrs. Holmes thinks she should get a pen pal too, but who even does that nowadays, like no one, it’s an old-fashioned concept, but Mrs. Holmes gets her these fancy address stickers and Rosie just needs to use them, so she does. And she shows John and Sherlock her first letter and asks them to take her to the post office to mail it out and they both see the bee address label and think….oh

ew.com
Marvel Teases First 'Black Panther' Footage
Marvel screened a sizzle reel and rough cuts of the film at an event on Monday.

In a sequence that also features Boseman getting in on the action choreography, Martin Freeman (playing Everett Ross, who first appeared in Captain America: Civil War) and Andy Serkis (who made his debut as Ulysses Klaue in Avengers: Age of Ultron) trade one-liners. (“Well, you brought quite the entourage, do you have a mixtape coming out?” “Oh yeah, I’ll actually send you link.”) 

Marvel’s Black Panther doesn’t arrive in theaters until February 2018, but the studio unveiled the film’s first footage at a special open house at the company’s Los Angeles offices on Monday night.

IMPORTANT: The footage has not been released yet, but there’s a good chance that Martin will be feature in the first teaser/trailer.

anonymous asked:

Newt comes by MACUSA to bring Percy lunch/meet him for lunch. He overhears something out of context between Percy and an auoror/group of auoros that makes him think Percival doesn't want him anymore (could be just dating or already married). I'm a sucker for angsty hurt/comfort

Omg my poor precious Newt!

***

“I can’t stand him anymore.”

Newt freezes at the angry tone in his boyfriend’s voice. The door of Percival’s office is just slightly opened​, so he can’t see him nor the person he’s talking to.

“Don’t be so harsh on him, boss.” Oh, Newt knows that voice, he’s one of the aurors that works with Tina, Fontaine.

Newt pulls the paper bag closer to his chest. He wonders if he should wait or just knock at the door and make his presence known. He decides for the first.

“No, you don’t understand,” Percival huffs, irritated. “He’s so distracted and clumsy, he clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing and almost ruins every single operation we work on.”

Newt looks at the bag, thinking about the pastries he has brought from Jacob’s bakery to share with Percival. At least that thought distracts him from the sensation the conversation is hearing is actually about him.

But that’s ridiculous, it’s just his anxiety playing tricks on him.

“I’m just tired of him,” Percival admits.

Newt bites his lip so hard he hurts himself, he doesn’t move though. He breathes and tells himself it doesn’t mean anything, they haven’t even mentioned his name.

“I really don’t want to intrude, but is this because of what happened with the hippogriff?”

Outside, the magizoologist shivers, he remembers that day, he had walked inside, ignoring Percival’s order to stay by his side. He was taking care of the poor creature when someone scared him and the hippogriff reacted out of instinct, hurting Newt.

Percival told him he wasn’t mad, but maybe he was… Maybe he still is.

“Perhaps,” his boyfriend says and Newt feels like a stab in his chest.

They’re talking about him.

“Boss, I know Newt- I mean Mr Scamander got-” a snarl cuts Fontaine off.

Percival is definitely mad. No, he’s pissed.

“I just don’t want him near… I don’t want him here anymore.”

He’s going to break up with him. Newt feels the tears coming from his eyes. He doesn’t wipe them off.

In fact, he stops paying attention and only reacts when the door is opened and Fontaine talks to him.

“Newt! I was wondering why- Are you crying?”

“I’m fine,” he sobs, giving himself away.

“What happened?” Fontaine asks, worried, but Newt doesn’t get to answer him because the auror gets shoved away from him.

Percival has taken his place and is leaning closer with a deeply worried expression on his face.

“Newt, are you okay? Who hurt you?” He demands as his eyes roam over his body looking for injuries.

But Newt only looks at him confused and hurt because that man doesn’t love him anymore and even though he had expected something like that he was not prepared for the pain.

Percival growls and turns his head to glare a Fontaine who takes a step back.

“What did you do to him?”

Fontaine trembles at the aggressive tone and shakes his head vigorously.

“I didn’t, I swear, boss!”

Percival doesn’t believe him, Newt knows it. So he sighs and decides to intervene.

“He didn’t do anything, Percy,”

The Director relaxes and Fontaine takes the opportunity to flee from there. Percival also decides it’s time to move, because he gently pushes Newt inside the office.

“What is it?” Percival asks once they both sitting on the couch.

He caresses Newt’s cheek and looks him in the eyes with a soft, worried expression on his face and honestly Newt wishes he doesn’t because that way it’ll be more difficult for both of them.


He lets Percival wipe off the tears under his eyes and sighs.

“If you want to break up with me it’s okay,” Newt mumbles. “I don’t want you to be with me just because you feel like-”

“What are you talking about, Newt?” Percival looks at him, confused and hurt. “Why would I do that? I love you!”

Newt blinks.

“But I heard you talking… You said you couldn’t stand me anymore…”

Percival rolls his eyes, leans forward and presses his forehead to Newt’s. He takes him by the chin and kisses him.

“I wasn’t talking about you,” he assures. “It’s about the new auror, Collins.”

“But I heard my name…” Newt knows he’s being difficult, now that he’s looking into Percival’s eyes he’s sure the man is telling the truth. There’s so much fondness in those dark eyes.

“We were talking about the case with the hippogriff, love,” Percival explains. “Do you remember, right? Collins was the one that tried to use a spell on the creature and that’s why it attacked​ you.”

He remembers perfectly, but he thought it was him Percival was angry with.

“You got hurt,” Percival shivers at the memory and takes Newt in his arms. “I can’t forgive him for that.”

So it turns out his boyfriend is angry with one of his aurors because of what happened that day.

“I don’t want him near you,” the Director whispers and nuzzles Newt’s neck.

And Newt giggles because now, with Percival wrapped around him, trying to steal another kiss, it seems really ridiculous to think that man doesn’t love him.

He relaxes into his touch, feels a kiss on his forehead and smiles at him.

Percival looks at the paper bag, forgotten on his desk.

“Now let’s see what you brought for lunch.” The bag floats towards them and Newt lets out a gasps and a flustered laugh when he feels himself being yanked over Percival’s lap.

Newt sighs, content. He forgets about everything else and allows his boyfriend to feed him.

every episode of house

[intro of someone doing a normal day-to-day activity with someone else around. suddenly the camera goes blurry and the audio gets all distorted. they collapse, it cuts to black, the theme plays]

—-

cuddy: there’s this case. it’s weird because of these weird things. you might be interested

house: *limping through a hallway* im not interested

cuddy: but there IS this EXTRA weird thing about the case that i’m just mentioning as a side note

house: *grabs all the files out of her hand* i’ll do it

—-

[house, cameron, foreman, and chase are in house’s office. house is at the whiteboard]

house: the symptoms are this, this, this, and this. what could it be?

chase: well it could be [fairly common disease]

house: come on! think outside the box!

cameron or foreman: well…… i guess it COULD be [much more obscure disease]

house: now THAT makes sense. put them on [medication for obscure disease]. 

—-

[cameron, chase, or foreman are with the patient in the patient’s room]

cameron/chase/foreman: well, good news– you seem to be responding to treatment.

patient: *smiles* that’s great!

cameron/chase/foreman: and you can go home in a few days! *turns away briefly to write something on a clipboard*

[suddenly the patient starts shaking and convulsing and the monitor starts beeping really loud and fast]

cameron/chase/foreman: THEY’RE SEIZING! *GRABS PATIENT* ATIVAN, STAT! 

[it cuts to black with the monitor still going crazy]

—-

[house, cameron, chase, and foreman are back in house’s office with the whiteboard]

house: *snarkily* the treatment isn’t working. clearly it’s not [the first obscure disease]. any ideas?

cameron: it could be [another obscure disease], but this one symptom doesn’t match up.

house: it it possible……. our treatment could have caused that symptom?

cameron: oh my god…… yeah it’s definitely possible. get them on [medication for the second obscure disease] and [medication to reverse effects of the first medication], stat.

—-

[a shot of the patient wheezing and looking pale while hooked up to a bunch of tubes is shown. house looks in through the window to the room thoughtfully]

house: this treatment isn’t working either. at this rate they’ll be dead by tomorrow morning.

chase/cameron/foreman: we’ve tried everything……….

house: *sees something completely random in the hallway* *suddenly looks REALLY thoughtful* wait a minute……..

chase/cameron/foreman: what?

house: *explains a disease that’s even more obscure than the first two and that is vaguely related to the random hallway thing*

chase/cameron/foreman: well, if you’re wrong, the treatment will kill them.

house: only one way to find out…….

—-

[shot of medicine dripping into the iv, then fade to black]

[shot of patient looking significantly better, smiling and laughing]

chase/cameron/foreman: i can’t believe it worked……

house: *to the patient* we’ll have you home by tomorrow.

patient: thank you so much. *says something wise and deep that is vaguely related to house’s current emotional state*

house: *looks pensive*

[fade to black]