officially a couple

Top 13 Most Unfuckable Men in Dragon Age (according to me, a lesbian)

Honorable Mention: Oghren

I am not including Oghren on the official list for a couple reasons. Firstly, jokes about how gross Oghren is are basically everywhere. I can’t make a remotely original joke on this subject because they have all already been made. Secondly, I don’t want to subject anybody to actually thinking about fucking Oghren. And third, it’s no fun punching down. Nobody likes Oghren except me. And I get it. Oghren is a pretty cool character who was grossly mishandled by writers who think sexual assault, alcoholism and homophobia are hilarious jokes and not serious issues. Sorry about all this, Oghren. Enjoy your free pass from being mocked by a lesbian on the internet.

13. Zevran Arainai

Zevran is the least unfuckable man in Dragon Age because he wouldn’t make it weird. He’d give you a nice lay, do a good job, and then high-5 you afterwards. He’s nice-looking and experienced and would overall be an almost not-unpleasant experience. If there was a gun to my head and someone forcing me to pick a Dragon Age man to fuck, it would be Zevran.

12. RDP Sten

I say Realistic DAO Project Sten and not regular Sten because frankly RDP Sten is the true Sten. Honestly, look at this man. Assuming you didn’t die during intercourse, he’d make you breakfast the next morning, then reshackle your roof and do your taxes. RDP Sten would take care of you. RDP Sten would treat you right.

11. Justice

…as long as he gave Anders’ body a bath first, because wow he sure is a guy who lives in a sewer. Justice is a friendly Fade spirit curious about the mortal world and its many wonders. Fucking Justice would be a nice opportunity to show an otherworldly being a good time. Not to mention the novelty. Think of the puns you could make afterwards. “It was a spiritual experience.” “It was truly righteous.” “Justice isn’t easy–no, Justice is hard.”

10. Varric Tethras

Varric would be the ideal sugar daddy. He’d indulge you, buy you nice things, tell you stories, and when it’s time to go to bed, you’d just have to put up with him bringing his crossbow with him. Honestly, he probably wouldn’t even get to the sex. You’d have half your clothes off and then he’d start telling a story and three hours later he’s cried a little about his ex and fallen asleep cuddled up to his crossbow. Meanwhile, you are free to go back to your house with your money and jewelry. Ideal.

9. Alistair

Alistair is inexperienced, but a nice boy. You could show him a good time, and then pat him on the head and give him a cookie afterwards. He’s funny and nice and if you aren’t his first lay, it’ll probably be Morrigan and she would probably turn into a spider halfway through just to fuck with him. I’m willing to fuck him just to spare him that being his first time. Alistair might make it weird and try to give you a flower or something, but he’s young and easily dissuaded. Fucking Alistair would be acceptable and satisfying in some ways.

8. Iron Bull

He ugly, but otoh, monster dong, if you’re into that. Iron Bull wouldn’t make it weird emotionally, but he would definitely make it weird sexually. Assuming you survived, you would have a hell of a story. I would bring that up at every cocktail party I went to for the rest of my life. “I fucked a minotaur man,” I’d say, sipping my martini. “He had an eyepatch, and a dong the size of your forearm. I’m lucky to have survived.” The party guests gasp and fan themselves at the scandal.

7. Nathaniel Howe

I have no feelings either way about fucking Nathaniel Howe. I would show up, do the deed, and leave. Maybe give him a thumbs up, to be polite. My entire soul doesn’t rebel against the concept, but neither can I think of any benefits to fucking Nathaniel Howe.

6. Sebastian Vael

I wouldn’t hate to fuck Sebastian, and he seems nice, I guess. He’d be on par with Nate, except for the fact that he’s a devout fantasy Catholic. I’m morally opposed to fucking Catholics, because I don’t like Catholicism, and because I don’t want to deal with their ensuing guilt. I would tolerate fucking Sebastian.

5. Fenris

Fenris is objectively one of the best-looking men in Dragon Age, but oh lord, the canon romance path is so much. I’d do it just so I could touch his pretty hair, but I’d feel real bad about it. I like fenris. I don’t wanna cause him troubles. On the other hand, Isabela seems to manage it without much emotional fallout, so perhaps it would be alright. Fucking Fenris might be perfectly fine, but it might end terribly for all involved. As a lesbian I’m not gonna risk it.

4. Anders

Anders is a nasty sewer man who has no particularly attractive physical features to make up for it. He’d probably be an alright lay, but if you fucked him he’d definitely fall in love with you. Possibly he’d have already been in love with you for like three years. Then post-fuck he’d say a lot of weird stuff and ask to move into your house, and you’d be so worried about his eating habits and his stress that you’d be like “sure :)”, and then you’d have to change your name and flee the city to escape. Don’t fuck Anders.

3. Blackwall

I previously had Blackwall a spot higher, but then when I went to google a picture of him I realized he actually looks okay. Lumberjack aesth. Nice beard. Probably nice chest hair. Good muscles. But he’s also kind of a stinky old man who is kind of like your dad, and he would make his weird guilt issues your problem. I’d rather not, although I grant that if he was a couple decades younger he might be Acceptable.

2. Cullen

I would really hate to fuck Cullen. I find him morally repugnant, physically unimpressive, and overall vile. Not to mention that he seems like the kind of sexually inexperienced dude to just try inserting Tab A into Slot B with no foreplay–but then, would you really want foreplay from this guy? At least it would all be over within 5 minutes and then you could make your escape through the window.

1. Solas

Solas is the absolute most unfuckable man in Dragon Age. Not only is he bald, and a genocidal maniac, but he would also get weirdly hung up on you. Then he’d like, haunt your dreams. “Vhenaaaaaaan,” you hear every night forever, to your horror. “You’re not like other girls,” he says, before showing you a picture of his fursona, which is a wolf. I would rather do literally anything else but fuck Solas. I thank G-d every day that Solas is not real, and that I am in no danger of ever fucking him. Solas is the least fuckable man in Dragon Age.

Here to shake things up

[Ko-fi / Redbubble]

little-miss-mash  asked:

ok but so imagine how computers get hot you get to cuddle with an monic space heater, and honestly it would be pretty uncomfortable what with all the metal and pipes and hard edges but. Imagine monic sweaters that were thick and squishy specifically for snuggly time. ok that's all, I love your art!

BONUS:

So well I think if you are in a relationship with a metal based entity you would have to be somewhat into the metal surface, but a good onmic significant other would probably also be very aware of his sharp edges around his squishy gf.

For some reason the couple from the Alive short are becoming the most adorkable and pure pair in my history of ships. >_> help.

Shit my Mom says: Shadowhunters 2.08
  • Mom: He's so handsome.
  • Mom: I bet the magic would be stronger if he had his shirt off.
  • Mom: Why does he wear clothes?
  • Mom: He has a really nice voice.
  • Mom: I really enjoyed that episode; I can't wait for the next one.

“you know you can come through the front door by now, right?”

“but princess, this is far more ro-meow-ntic.”

(…i just want adrien to be the hugest closet romantic ever. bad puns are romantic, right??)

I’M CRYING IS THIS REAL LIFE

AM I TRULY ALIVE

So these are special ticket illustrations for the Kuroko no Basuke: Last Game movie, and you can either buy a single ticket for 1500 yen (it’s not stated if you can choose which one you want or if it’s random) or buy the double ticket for 2800 yen (good for two people).

AND APPARENTLY THE DOUBLE TICKET IS NOT PERFORATED (MEANING IT’S NOT MEANT TO BE TORN APART).

So if you want both Akashi and Kuroko, you might have to drag a friend with you or pay for the double ticket even if you’re alone. (Or keep watching until you hopefully get both illustrations.) (Edit: According to Fye, these are pre-sale tickets and will be sold on March 4th. GOOD LUCK.)

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, STAFF. VERY SMART MARKETING STRATEGY.

2x15 truly put the final nail in the coffin for the book malec breakup??

  • Camille? Done, Alec doesn’t care.
  • Jealousy over past lovers? Done, Alec understood there was nothing to be jealous of or judge.
  • Biphobia? Never even came up.
  • Alec’s fears that Magnus will forget him when he dies? Alec worries Magnus will be alone instead.
  • Magnus not opening up about his past? Done.

Wow, can’t believe Magnus and Alec are officially the healthiest couple in the world who talk to each other instead of breaking up. :’)

4

Happy Valentine’s Day!

@sparklescharlie had a really cute idea for a Sam x Eileen picture, and I hope I did it justice. 

Something I learned while drawing this: There are actually two ways to say “I love you” in ASL. I think a lot of people know the shorthand version, which looks like this: 

I felt like the longer version would work better for this, though :3

Send me a Ship and I’ll Break Them DOWN
  • How did they they meet?
  • Who developed romantic feelings first?
  • Who is their biggest “shipper?”
  • When did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances?
  • Who confessed their feelings first?
  • What was their first official date?
  • How do they feel about double dates/group dates?
  • What do they do in their down time?
  • What was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like?
  • What was their first fight over and how did they get past it?
  • Which one is more easily made jealous?
  • What is their favourite thing to get to eat?
  • Who’s the cuddly one? What their favourite cuddling position?
  • Are they hand holders?
  • How long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? What’s the circumstances?
  • Who tops?
  • What’s the worst first they’ve ever gotten into?
  • Who does the shopping and the cooking?
  • Which one is more organized and prone to tidiness?
  • Who proposes?
  • Do they have joined Bachelor/Bacheloette parties or separate?
  • Who is the best man/maid of honour? Any other groomsmen or bridesmaids?
  • Big Ceremony or Small?
  • Do they have a honeymoon? If so, where?  
  • Do they have children? How many?