off the toes

anonymous asked:

i want ben to put me in a headlock and squeeze my skull until my eyes pop out and then put his fingers into my eye holes and hold my head like a bowling ball and then spin me around until my internal organs turn to soup and then bite my toes off and drink my soup guts and then crouch into my empty skin and stand up when he is inside so my skin body stretches and bursts like an elastic mm fuck yea

I’ll ask

anonymous asked:

Callen and “I want to take a shower so you should probably join me. It’ll save water.”

The urge to smile when Callen groaned out loud was almost too strong. But the way he lumbered into the house, dropping his bag and collapsing onto the couch, told you he might not be in the mood for someone laughing at his pain. So you bit your tongue and looked over. “You feeling okay?” You asked lightly.

G sighed and shook his head. “It hurts to move.” He stated bluntly while toeing off his boots.

You finally smiled softly and leaned in to press a quick kiss to his cheek. “What happened?”

“Not important.” Callen muttered out before looking to you. He blinked before smirking slightly. “I want to take a shower so you should probably join me. It’ll save water.”

His words made you snort in amusement. “Sure you’re not too sore?” You ventured, watching as he pulled himself to his feet.

“For that? Never.”

Drabbles are closed

Woodsmoke & Lavender

A Bucky Barnes One-Shot

Character Pairing: Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader

Word Count: 2,696 

Warnings: NSFW 18+ Explicit Smut! A/B/O Dynamics, masturbation, fingering, oral (female receiving), graphic language, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!). Not much plot, so much porn. A slight NSFW gif somewhere in the middle. I’m not sorry. 

A/N: I KNOW this isn’t completely accurate, but it’s my first time writing a/b/o so please cut me some slack! As always, enjoy! 

“I’m going to take this from you before you break it.”

Bucky looked up at Nat as she reached for the glass in his hand. She held it up for him to see the tiny crack in the side, little drops of the amber liquid seeping out.

He hadn’t realized that he was clutching it that hard. He flexed his metal hand, gaze traveling back to the bar.

Sam was leaning against the wood surface, head thrown back, laughing at something funny you must have said. Sam’s hand went to your waist, his thumb rubbing tiny circles.

Bucky growled and would have jumped up if Natasha wouldnt have put her hand out and stopped him.

“She’s an unmated Omega, Buck.” Nat said in a hushed tone. “She’s free to talk to anyone she wants.”

Fuck that, his Alpha instincts screamed at him.

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Froze Toes Cookies

Yields 1 dozen

The things you’ll need

  • ¾ cup almond meal
  • 1 ½ cups granulated sugar
  • 3 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • ½ teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
  • 1/8 teaspoon salt
  • 2 sticks salted butter, room temperature
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract
  • ½ teaspoon almond extract
  • Large mixing bowl
  • Medium mixing bowl
  • Electric mixer
  • Whisk
  • Rubber spatula
  • Foot cookie cutter
  • Popsicle sticks
  • Cookie sheet lined with parchment paper
  • Rolling pin
  • Plastic wrap
  • Light blue royal icing
  • Decorating bag fitted with #3 tip
  • Pink gum balls
  • Cutting board & knife

Let’s get started!

  1. Preheat oven to 350ºF.
  2. In a medium bowl, whisk almond meal, flour, baking powder, nutmeg and salt.
  3. In a large bowl, beat together butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
  4. Add eggs one a time, mixing and scraping in between each addition, and then add extracts.
  5. Combine wet and dry ingredients and mix well.
  6. Divide the dough into 2 discs and wrap tightly in plastic wrap. Refrigerate for 1 to 24 hours.
  7. Roll out one disc of dough at a time to ¼ inch thick. Cut out foot shapes.
  8. Place a popsicle stick on the backside of each cookie and then place the pops onto a baking sheet. Refrigerate for 10 minutes.
  9. Bake for 12 to 13 minutes.

Time to decorate!

  1. Carefully cut gumballs in half and then set aside.
  2. Once cookies have cooled, pipe an outline of each foot and then flood the design with icing. Allow icing to harden, about an hour.
  3. Attach a gumball half on the upper corner of the foot cookie with a little bit of royal icing.
  4. Ta da! Haters will back off if you give them these froze toes cookies!

so, we’re running a star wars tabletop, and my husband (an npc) was recently kidnapped. The ransom was 25,000 credits (not a huge loss for my character) but as we made the exchange, the rest of my party kept trying to haggle for more stuff from the kidnapper (asking for his personal belongings as well as my husband) getting me and the dm a little frustrated-

me: (in character) Enough! I demand to have my husband brought to me immediately!
dm: (as kidnapper) Who do you think you are?!
me: (in character) I’m prepared to drop it to 24,000 credits!
me: …what?
party: That’s… you have ten…
dm: … oh, sh*t…. um… (as kidnapper) I’M GONNA… I’M GONNA… CUT YOUR HUSBAND’S… toes off… AND SEW ‘EM… onto his… hands.

His First. (A Dirty Harry Styles One Shot)

- In which Harry is a bit.. inexperienced in the bedroom.

Harry thought he could hide it. He thought he could get away with it. But, when everything came to him so all of a sudden, he realized that he was trapped, and the only way to get out, was by telling the truth. 

And so he did.

“What?” you ask breathlessly, your hands at the mid of Harry’s patterned shirt, fingers frozen on the buttons, pulling the colorful fabric away from his tall and lanky form.

“I-I’m.. yeh are my first.”

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