to you or me he may not be; he may be all sunshine smiles and corngold hair and the biggest eyes this side of the galaxy, but imagine you’re Dagger (stormtroopers don’t get proper names), firing at a boy, only the bolts never hit. They sing to the side. You think that there’s something wrong with your blaster, maybe, but none of your friends can hit him either. Finest shots in the Empire, you are, but you can’t hit this boy. And he cuts you down. He wields a weapon whose name you’ve never learned and he cuts you down into smoking bloodless bodies and your friends die before you – only he leaves you. Knocks you out with a blow of the Force – and isn’t that a nightmare of its own, unseen hands blotting out your thoughts – leaves you there in the cooling blood of your squadmates.
Imagine that you’re Cara Ilhyre and you’re a dancer for the Hutt and you hate it, of course you do, but it is a living, a living, and this boy comes in, fresh-faced and young and he says surrender or be destroyed only he and you both know that the Hutt do not and never have surrendered and when he says destroy there’s this grin on his lips, thin and sharp, and he’s kind, of course he is, but –
so you’re Cara Ilhyre and you’re a native of tattooine and like many of your specis you are force-touched and you were a girl, once, a very little girl, and your mother told you tales of krayt dragons who slumbered beneath the sands and gentled their young to their pearl-heavy breasts. krayt dragons are tender mothers, she had said, and it was meant to teach you something of the duality of nature, or to fear those with young to protect, or something; but all you can think is this boy, how he smiles as kind as your mother did, once, but you’re convinced that if you were to cut him down the middle you would find dragon-pearls in his ribs and fire instead of a heart
the boy cuts downs jabba’s goons like they are nothing, nothing, and afterwards, afterwards, you sense his sorrow. and somehow that makes it worse.
because you say, later, to your mother’s ghost (maybe) or to the desert, he knows that killing people is hard and that weighs on him and he does it anyway and –
and, you say, it isn’t as simple as: he makes the hard choices. he knew the hutt would fight. he wanted to burn them down, oh he did, and that sister of his –
andreil going on roadtrips is literally??? just the?? warmest thing ever????? they werent able to do it before, for spring break, because of all the bad stuff that happened…but just imagine like sometime in the summer. for 2 weeks or so they get to be together, alone, free of worry leaving it all behind ((including kevin much to his distaste bc he didnt want to have the court so far from him but hes able to stick with his dad so its ok. also andrew pulled out the knives))
having just the road beyond them!!! they travel for hours with no real destination in mind, only the feeling of being able to be with each other like this
with their fingers loosely laced together in the middle of the console and the windows down with the wind blowing through their hair. sometimes neil will stick his head out to really breathe in and feel his blood rushing because freedom is right here in front of him in the palms of his hands and it feels so good
andrew glances at him before turning back to the road again and his heart is clenching and burning with this entirely new feeling because neil still feels like a fucking pipe dream even though he is right there with him. and he always will be.
after a while they’d stop at a rest area, or maybe just the shoulder of an empty road. andrew would step out and go to neil’s side and lean against the hood of the car while lighting 2 cigs
they both breathe in the smoke while they lean back to stare at the starry sky which is extremely clear without light pollution, except its only neil doing so, because andrew is staring at him from the corner of his eye instead
the awe on neil’s face makes the realization hit him that he’d burn down the world if that meant nothing would ever be able to take this away from him again ((am i speaking about neil’s happiness, or neil with andrew? ;)))
this muddles his thoughts and almost melts his fucking brain, so much that he has to ask “yes or no?” and pulling neil in by the collar of his shirt when he whispers out a “yes. always yes.” and biting his bottom lip for the last of it in retaliation which makes neil smile against his mouth
they spend nights in shitty motels with junk food and candy surrounding them on their bed, courtesy of andrew
theyre wrapped in blankets like a cocoon and sharing kisses and nuzzles to necks and soft touches like hands running through hair, warm hands on the back of necks and sometimes barely-there fingertips grazing up and down arms when andrew is comfortable with it
neil will send a pic of them on the balcony with the sunrise behind them to the foxes’ groupchat and everyone dies from it. andrew is glaring at neil and flicks the ash of his cig towards him and neil just smiles
neil would want to go on runs in the morning, to stick to routine, to sometimes push away nightmares he had the night before, but in the end he will always come back to andrew because he knows he no longer has to be actually on the run. and andrew will be waiting for him
and he is, with takeout breakast and a 2nd cig in between his fingers for him, and the steadying presence with the feeling of home
they dont exactly have plans for their days, just whatever comes to mind and whats easy, either lazing about watching boring movies with andrew’s legs thrown across neil’s lap or andrew slowly taking neil apart bit by bit with hot hands and harsh kisses. it all works for them
((once neil asked if he’d wanna go running with him sometime and maybe check out whats around and what to do and andrew just stares blankly at him like ‘are you kidding me’ and neil has the audacity to laugh))
and even after many years that pass they’ll still take these roadtrips, a lot of them on a whim just to get away from everything and to wrap up into each other and feel how they still fit together like 2 pieces of a puzzle even after all this time