of melancholy burning

The signs as song lyrics I've written

Aries:
Never been in a fight but I want to fight
Fight a bitch at night
The dark is cool
Fuck school
Wanna destroy everything
Including you

Taurus:
Just woke up messy hair
Attitude I don’t care
Should i even get up and start the day
Does it matter if i do shit anyway

Gemini:
Thought, thought, thought,
I thought if I thought a lot
Maybe my thoughts could learn to stop
I feel my brain beginning to rot
They are so fucking loud
Overcrowd
All around
Up and down
I’m starting to look like a fucking clown

Cancer:
What am I feeling right now?
I feel like a drifting cloud
Full of storm water
Today rain is all I’ve got to offer
What’s wrong with me?
Changing tides like the sea
I can be a deadly storm
A catastrophe
Or calm and cool, my bottom lurking with things unseen

Leo:
I love the way you fuck me 
Baby this is how you want me, thirsty 
I beg love me love me 
Love me more than i love you 
At night i feel so ugly

Virgo:
But not you, youre alive not dead
I hear all the voices that go on it your head
They never calm but you find peace in them
Taking their words of wisdom
They sing inside your lovely mind
You hum along, intertwined

Libra:
I’m sitting in front of the man of my dreams
Love his dick, give me that cream
His face is amazing, it makes me want to sing
His voice is as lovely spring

Scorpio:
Sometimes I think I see god
But then I open my eyes and it’s the same shit all around
Breath in the toxins of a cigarette
It’s all I got sometimes, wanna drown out the sound
Talk to a few and that’s fun
But real quick im done

Sagittarius:
If I could see your soul, I’m sure it’d be a work of art
Like a painting on a canvas, painted by the heart
You know you’re a masterpiece
A genius in disguise
I wish I could see what you see through your eyes

Capricorn:
If there’s one last thing
I gotta sing
it’s that there’s no possibly
Just possible I am the unstoppable
Incomparable hear these words and know it’s me
I do not go unseen
(This one’s written by my boyfriend)

Aquarius:
I’m so tired everyday
I want life to be so extraordinary that more than half the time I wouldnt know what to feel or say
Wheres my burning passion?
Melancholy, my minds gray.
Why care when you feel useless why give a fuck, this world is strange

Pisces:
You got me and you got me down for you and you only
Baby, look at me, I want you to be the one to own me
Devil or angel, you’re my sweet, lovely baby.
Tell me angel, have you looked in a mirror lately?

  • Mahiru: WHAT'S YOUR REAL MOTIVE?!
  • Tsubaki: Make Servamps great again~
  • Kuro: ...Servamps were great until you were born.
Imperative - Cassian Andor X Fem!Reader

Your bio says requests are open maybe could you do something with Cassianxfem!reader dealing with depression and anxiety.She wants to do everything she can for the rebellion, but sometimes her mental illnesses hold her back, and she feels useless because of it. Cass reassures her that she’s helped them heaps, kisses her, cuddles her, and idk just something really fluffy. Ive been going through a rough time and your writing has really helped me, so thank you. Thanks in advance if you do write it


I’ve been having a tough time as well so this was very emotional to write. Sorry if it’s short, I tried to make it as sweet as possible! I even tested my own Spanish skills so if I got it wrong, I’m sorry! I hope you enjoy it my friend, and I hope things get better. May the Force be with you.

Originally posted by letdiegolunatouchjabbathehutt


It had been a busy day on Yavin 4’s rebel base. You attended at least four meetings regarding fuel maximization for the X-Wings, then two more about your last few mission reports. Mon Mothma had been more less pleased with your progress on retrieving information from Empire transcripts, but you felt like you let her down. The translations of the transmissions had been so stressful, and everything else you were dealing with effected the results.

You had been diagnosed with depression a while back. You couldn’t figure out what exactly had brought it on; whether it be family or friend drama, your work, or the Empire’s shadow. You just felt heavy and empty all at once. At times, when you talked to someone during your lunch period, you felt a bit better.You found yourself talking to some of the Rogue One squad at lunch. They had completed a near suicide mission but came back in one piece; they were an inspiration to the whole base and sitting by them was an honor. You were introduced to the group by Jyn Erso, who had met you at a briefing of your findings. From there you grew close to all of them. Chirrut was so kind to you and he always seemed to know how you felt. Bodhi was a friend to you as well. The pilot would talk to you quite openly about his problems, to which you would give  advice and vice versa. While Bodhi kindly gave you good advice, to the issues you did bring up, and it only went so far. It was Cassian Andor and his droid counterpart, K2SO, that you found helped you the most. They would distract you with stories about their missions and that would result in hilarious bickering between the two of them. Lunch was the highlight of your day, but then you would be thrown back into the web of self loathing and sadness you had woven for yourself. Whether it being unsatisfied with the way you looked or feeling that you could do more to help the Rebellion, it left you very unhappy. When you needed it the most, no one was there to pick you up off your feet.

It hit you all at once as you were walking out of your last meeting of the day. You needed to do more for the people that took you in, that are fighting against the Empire for the better of others like you. But you couldn’t, not really. You were already pushing yourself, but maybe if you tried harder, you could bring in more results when it came to the intercepted Empire transmissions. The guilt of not providing started to eat away at you as you made your way to your quarters. Tears sprung to your eyes and you started walking faster; hating yourself for letting your mind and heart become such a mess. When your door came into sight, you heard someone shout, but you couldn’t tell what. Your thoughts were racing a mile a minute and you couldn’t focus on one thing for too long. When you closed your door behind you, you sank to the floor. Tears clouded your vision and you attempted to keep your sobs quiet. The walls to the rooms were thin and you didn’t want anyone to know how vulnerable you really were. You brought your knees up to your chest and kept crying. After your sobs grew quiet, a soft knock against the door startled you.

“Y/N, can I come in?” Cassian’s voice boomed through the door. You stood, quickly wiping your eyes, and opened the door. The moment Cassian saw your face he rushed to you, hugging you tightly. “Mi cariña (my darling), what’s wrong?”

His voice melted you and tears started to fall again. Cassian closed the door with his foot, and he lead you to sit on your bed. You leaned your head against his shoulder while one of his hand stroked up and down your back. When you calmed enough to speak clearly, you pulled away from him.

“Sorry, I got your shirt wet…” Cassian just shook his head, brushing some of your hair behind your ear. “Don’t be silly, now please tell me,” he placed his hand on yours, causing you to look into his eyes, “what’s wrong?”

You stared at him, and saw the type of kindness that you had only heard about.

“I don’t, I can’t do enough for the Rebellion. I need to do better and and-” Another sob shook your whole being. He pulled you back to him, tugging you lose to his chest. You could hear his thunderous heartbeat booming as if he were nervous. “It all gets a little too much sometimes.” You managed in between sobs. Cassian’s hand soothingly stroked your hair as he spoke, “I know mi amor, but you’ve done enough. With the work you do, you’re imperative for our success.”

“What’s that mean?” You whispered, causing him to chuckle slightly.

“What does imperative mean?” You hit his shoulder lightly, and pulled away just enough to look into his face. “You spoke a different language, ‘mi amor’ you said.” A small, pink blush rose to his cheeks. “It’s my home planet’s native language, some call it a romance language, Spanish.” He paused, calculating what he should say next very carefully. “Mi amor translates to ‘my love’.”

Heat found it’s way to your cheeks, a you wiped newly fallen tears away from your eyes.

“Oh…”

Cassian gave you a shy, handsome smile, his confidence wavering. “I just, yeah. The first time I saw you I knew that I had to make you smile. Like my life depended on it. I couldn’t stand to see such a beautiful girl so sad.” His gaze was warm when it met with yours. “I know you feel,” he paused searching for the right word, “bad about yourself. More than other people do about themselves. But you are so important, Y/N, and I-” You cut him off by pressing a kiss to his cheek. When you moved back, his eyes were wide in shock. You only had a moment to register what he was doing before he pressed his lips to yours. It was soft, as if he pushed further, you would break. He carefully placed one hand on your hip and the other to the back of your head, slowly pulling you closer. Your hands were cupping his jaw, and he slowly laid down on your bed. You fell to his side, and he turned to face you with a dumb grin on his face. “I love you.”

You entangled your hands with his, and cuddled into his chest. “I love you too.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead, and whispered, “Buenos noche. (Good night)”


The next morning when you awoke, you felt Cassian’s warmth next to you. You turned to face him, and was met with brown eyes. He gave you a smile and reached out to stroke your cheek. “Tu son muy bonita en la mañana….(You are very pretty in the morning)” He murmured sleepily. You felt a blush on your face despite not knowing what he said. “That sounded very sweet.”

“It was,” he said with a wide smile. He placed a kiss to the tip of your nose, causing you to giggle. While you still felt heavy with melancholy, Cassian’s affection burned a sense of hope in your heart that things would turn around.

🌿Sometimes you are walking alone, and it is late, and you are lost once again in the dream of past and future, of yesterdays lost and tomorrows unlived, of choices to be made or not made, of words to be spoken or left unspoken. Now, there is only the sound of footsteps on a cold pavement, the rustling of trees before sleep, the naked glow of orange streetlamps, and a deep melancholy burning inside. You are out of time, out of body, finding your home in neither form nor the formless. Perhaps you are the only one of your species on the planet. Perhaps you do not even exist at all. Perhaps this is the price you pay for awakening, for your commitment to opening your heart to everything, this never ceasing questioning of everything solid, this abandonment of every single reference point.
🌿And suddenly you remember: this too is life! For whatever reason, you turn towards your present experience, you hold it again the way a mother holds her new-born baby. You focus on what you have, not what you have lost; what you see, not what you may never see again. Your solitude is sacred, you remember, your doubts are nothing less than holy, the evening breeze on your cheeks is a caress, a kiss, not a block to some imagined future. It is okay to feel the way you feel. It is okay to feel a little broken by life. It is okay to touch the depths in yourself. It is okay to forget, and to remember, to remember and to forget. All movements are held in the vastness, as the ground holds the trees, as the sky holds the planet, as the house holds the family, as the story of your life is held in pristine awareness on this night of all nights. Even your disconnection is so damn connected. There is something humbling about never being able to come to a conclusion, something touching in your raw vulnerability to the evening, the way you are moved by everything now, your sensitivity to even the subtlest movement of consciousness, your heart that cannot be closed.

🌿You vow to never lose your love for these evenings. They have brought you so much. Presence is not a destination, friend, it is the ground. You are wild now, and unbound.