of latter day saints

Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine.
—  Gordon B. Hinckley

what i say: im fine

what i mean: i’m happy that in the closing number of The Book Of Mormon they reference the fact that Connor McKinley overcame his internalized homophobia however I think it would’ve added a lot to the story and McKinley’s character if there was some sort of Turn It Off reprise in which we could see him going through this emotional change. It is literally established that this man has vivid, traumatic nightmares regarding his sexuality every night. It would’ve added a lot to the production to witness him change his worldview as he begins to doubt the existence of god and the legitimacy of the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. And lets talk about Kevin. Did Kevin’s arrival at the mission center influence Connor’s worldview? I mean obviously the nonsense that Kevin, Arnold, and Nabalungi started prompted Connor to question the legitimacy of what he’d been told his entire life. But he also tried to kiss Kevin after the general shot that guy. Like he just tried to kiss Kevin and it’s never acknowledged again. How big of a role did Kevin play in Connor’s emotional development? Why don’t we get to see it happen? Connor was in serious denial about his sexuality since 5th grade, is he okay? 


I am so happy to say I am now a baptized member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!! 

My experience was amazing!! I was nervous and scared before, but afterwards I was overcome with feelings of happiness and overwhelming joy! I felt so good! My confirmation also left me feeling full of joy!! The family I’ve been learning with helped me all the way through the whole process, from first going to church, to meeting with the missionaries - and they were so lovely in buying me my very first set of indexed scriptures with my name on the front cover :’) They also printed photos of the baptism of me and my best friend (aka SISTER!!!) and the Sister Missionaries who have been by my side since August! 

I feel so happy to have made this decision - I cannot wait for the rest of my life within the church, although finding ways to be more constructive with it rather than just being at church and when i meet with the Sisters is a bit difficult - I’ve been proud of myself in the fact I’ve kept the Word of Wisdom since the start of October! :D 

Again, if anyone has any advice/tips for a baby LDS child like me please feel free to PM me!! :’) 

Do not be gloomy. Do not dwell on unkind things. Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. Even if you are not happy, put a smile on your face. ‘Accentuate the positive.’ Look a little deeper for the good. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life.
—  Gordon B. Hinckley
Important Announcement - Please Read

{January 4, 2017}

Hey guys! Kaylee here. So, I have a really important thing that I need to tell you all.

Some of you might know that I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Our common nicknames are “LDS” or “Mormon”. In our church, young adults have the choice and opportunity to serve a mission, where we are sent somewhere in the world to spread the word of God. During this time, our communication is limited since our main focus is to be a representative of Jesus Christ and help others. We don’t have access to Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

18 year old men typically serve a mission for 2 years, or 24 months. 19 year old women typically serve for a year and a half, or 18 months. When you reach the respective ages, you can begin your missionary application. The process usually takes a month or two, and then you receive your call. You can list preferences on where you want to go, but for the most part you’re sent where you’re needed. We don’t get to pick where we go, but I think that’s good, because we learn to be humble and accepting of God’s will.

I turn 19 on April 6th of this year. You’re allowed to start your papers a few months before you reach missionary age. I met with one of my church leaders last night to start my application process. This is something I’ve prayerfully considered for years now, and I know that this is what God wants me to do at this time. I love my faith very much, and the happiness I’ve been able to feel as a result is too wonderful and beautiful not to share.

I’m going to list my availability date as sometime in the beginning of July 2017. That’s July of this year. That means that I’ll be away from Tumblr until December 2018 or January 2019. The thought of leaving you all for a while is upsetting to me, but I know that this is what I need to do. There’s a common quote that family and friends of LDS missionaries like to keep close to heart: “missionary: a person who leaves their family for a short time in order to help others be with theirs for eternity.”

On the bright side, you all will hear from me once a week! Missionaries are allowed to send out emails and letters to friends and family back home. I can’t guarantee that it will be every week, but I’ll do my best. We can get really busy, haha. For the most part, missionaries will send out a generic weekly email that’s basically a status report on what they’ve been doing, who they’ve been teaching, and the things that the mission teaches them. I’m also more than happy to send personal emails and letters to you all as often as I can. In addition, the wonderful @luminescent-kat has agreed to post my weekly emails to my blog here!! She’s a lifesaver and I love her.

Please, feel free to ask me any and all questions about my faith, the mission, and the process! I’m more than happy to answer your questions and help anyone understand. I won’t be leaving until July, but I wanted to give you all a decent heads up. I love you all a lot, and know that I’m not doing this because I want to leave you guys or leave Tumblr. I’m doing this to bring joy to others, and to grow as a person and follower of God. When I get back, I’ll definitely revive my blog and resume screaming with you all

Thanks for being so understanding!!

Love, Kaylee

God’s Ways

This post has been some months in the offing. I’ve been wrestling with how to address such a personal encounter. Nevertheless, I will try because I think this story illuminates a very important point. 

I left the church and my parent’s home at 18. I refused to go on a mission, my parents refused to pay for college, and I was beyond done with their whole way of life. During the last year I lived with them we fought almost daily. My mom and I didn’t speak to each other for nearly two years leading up to my leaving. Things were very tense. They mounted a vigorous campaign to get me to stay, go on a mission, go to BYU - the usual TBM bullshit. I took myself out of the equation. 

While the fighting was intense we never directly addressed “the church” or “religion” or “faith.” My parents just sort of assumed I still believed and I let them go on assuming it because it was easier. I was dealing with enough self-doubt and internal change and I didn’t want to manage their reactions to such a revelation. Sure, it was a cop-out and I still feel a little shame to this day of not telling them straight out that I didn’t believe the church was true and that I didn’t believe in god. That remained unsaid. 

Jump forward nine years - now, or to be precise, January 20th, 2017. That’s right: Trump’s inauguration day. My parents just happened to be in town to attend the funeral of a family friend (Not just any friend. This guy was the second counselor to my dad when he served as Stake President. A complete asshole who appeared to be the kindest, sweetest person, but every so often the veneer would crack and you could catch a glimpse of the snake underneath). My parents called me and asked if we could go to dinner. I said yes, as things had been going fairly well between us for some time - cool but cordial. 

I made the mistake of watching the inauguration right before I left for dinner. I knew I shouldn’t have. In the car, I kept telling myself over and over again: don’t bring it up. Be nice and polite and just get through this. So much for that. 

Things were going nicely until… yep, I brought up Trump. I couldn’t help myself. I was terrified. I was having hours of conversations with friends who were terrified  - about deportation, about discrimination, about the rise and tacit approval of the alt right. I was pretty keyed up. So I told my mom and dad just that: that I was really worried about the future of our country. 

My mom and dad shifted in their seats. My dad explained that while they hadn’t voted for Trump, and didn’t like him personally, he was the president now and our responsibility was to follow him. I pressed the issue, saying that our loyalty as citizens is to fight injustice, not to accept it should it gain power. Then my dad looked me right in the eye and told me that it was “god’s will” that Trump is president. 

I hit the fucking roof. You’re telling me that god wants his children to be terrified of their leaders? You’re telling me that god wants hate and fear to rule his “chosen nation?” My dad shrugged and said, maybe it’s his way of hastening the second coming. 

At that point it all came out. I told them their religion was bullshit, a lie. I told them I was a proud atheist. I told them I look on it as a duty to seek truth and decry those who promulgate lies, like the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints. Needless to say, dinner didn’t end well. 

I cannot abide the self-righteous, hypocritical stances of the church and its followers. This is not philosophy we’re playing with here, this is people’s lives. Real lives. Not some test simulation before the real work of the afterlife begins. 

It’s been months and the thought of this conversation makes me physically sick to my stomach. Something’s broken between my parent’s and me. For good. And it is good. Because it’s based on truth. Honesty. I don’t want people in my life who care more about their belief-cloaked privilege than other people. I’m done with it.  

We claim the privilege of worshipping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.
—  Joseph Smith, 11th Article of Faith, Pearl of Great Price