Except it wasn’t home anymore. Somewhere in the intervening years of grinding through undergrad and graduate coursework, the house Jazz grew up in had stopped being home.
Danielle had been given Jazz’s room when she left halfway across the country to Yale. During holiday visits they would share, Dani insisting that all her time “camping out” under overpasses and old mausoleums as proper precedent for her to sleep on the floor.
A few times Jazz caught herself thinking of it as her room, instead of Danielle’s. She could still recognize the room she’d stayed in for seventeen years, an old imprint she felt in the air, pins and needles in her scalp; her hands itched with the impression that if they just peeled away the sci-fi posters and anime wall-scrolls and the global Polaroid collage the old room would still be there, waiting beneath like a layer of wallpaper.
Okay, so one of my best friends is fat, and she always says this about herself in a negative connotation. And all my other friends are always like “whaaat no you’re not!” which, of course, has good meaning. But after awhile I was like, okay no she is fat, but that’s not bad. So whenever she calls herself fat I’m like “Yeah, but that’s not a bad thing” or “fat is an adjective, not an insult.” stuff like that. And I think it’s having an impression on her because not too long ago she called herself fat negatively, and I gave her a look and she went “Right! Fat is an adjective, not an insult.” and smiled.
So I really do think that says a lot about what helps some fat people out if they struggle with their appearance. I used to tell all my friends that they totally weren’t fat, but that wasn’t helping because they still saw themselves as fat - skinny and slightly chubby friends included. But once I started telling them that yeah, even if they are fat it doesn’t mean they aren’t pretty, I noticed a difference in them. They stopped using fat as an insult. Because they may have still believed they were fat, but they no longer saw it as a negative. It was just something that was. And I’m just kinda happy I realized how to help my friends out.