of books and journals

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29.05.17 | hii! back with a greenish spread hehe i love ghibli’s studio movies 😍

* do you have a fav movie?🤔😹 & do you own plants?🌵

| the washi is from kawaiipenshop.com you can get 10% off with “ KIIMBAPNOTES ” | have a great day!🌿

29/05/27 || Happy Monday 💕 It has definitely been a great Monday for me, I love productive Mondays they always put me in a great mood for the rest of the week. I’ve had a bit of a down weekend to be honest and I feel so refreshed now that the new week has started.

Today’s studying:
- finishing off Italian lit book ✔️
- 50 pages journalism manual ✔️
- 25 pages journalism book ✔️

I’m so happy right now you guys, I feel like I can do this exam session, I have energy and motivation, the sun is out and I’m melting because it’s so hot ☀️ but I’m happy.

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Well, I’m looking for new ways of expression but uhh, it took a turn for the Andrei Rublev style so I need to rethink my life right now :v Anyways, some sketches to a s.t.a.l.k.e.r. fic that will probably never happen:

1. Murka of Zaton- Odessan-born ex-police captain who landed in the Zone escaping the troubles back in the Big Land and a fat case of corruption she tried to crack in her town. Little did she now, her own police-mates were part of the case, along with the police station commandant… Threatened by her superiors and thugs, she didn’t give in to the pressure and went to court. For a while, life was good; she herself became the commandant of one of the biggest police stations in town, her daughter went to high school, her husband wasn’t as rowdy as usual. For a while. Then the anonymous threats started. Silent phone calls, letters, cars following her and her family, her husband being beaten once outside of the post office. Then her daughter… She knew there was nothing left for her back home. Murka packed up her police gear, said goodbyes to her husband, who refused to run any more and stayed, mourning and drinking himself to unconsciousness, and disappeared. First days in the Zone weren’t pleasant; it seemed as if the shadows from her past life followed her even into that hostile environment. But then again, establishing a position in Zaton wasn’t all that difficult for the hard-working woman who had her wits about her. She became a leader of a peculiar, rag tag company of strangers who were often called Murka’s Boys. They chose the old shipwreck Shevchenko for their base, establishing friendly connections with Beard and the crew of Skadovsk. Neither bandits nor stalkers, members of her fractions came to be known as a form of police forces of the Zone. Often being called to resolve violent behaviours or mediate between different fractions or simply investigate thefts or murder cases, they became renown for their professionalism… and a thing for trading. Respected and versatile merchants, Murka’s Boys often have the best prices for the best stuff, the fear of their Boss’ anger guaranteeing the fine quality and ensuring no scams or corruption could appear in their fraction’s ranks. Since Murka’s Boys find no interest in chasing after anomalies nor fighting anyone unless threatened, their company is widely enjoyed by all fractions but for some bandit gangs and certain Freedom members. Some say that Murka’s determination and the need for justice may one day become her undoing. And yet, her entrepreneur nature appeared to have won over her righteousness that got her in trouble out in the Big Land in the first place, and allowed her to make valuable connection both within and outside of the Zone… with many a bandits and mafia bosses as her main gear suppliers- some of them old “friends” who felt like they may as well do the old police woman a favour in exchange for some artifacts… and Murka, feeling as if some of that artifacts could well serve to beat her old corrupted colleagues at their own game, was more than willing to supply what was required…

2. Strelok the Loner- no need to introduce this fellow, I guess. In the eyes of many, he’s a living legend. And yet, this legendary stalker prefers solitude to the warm fireplaces of other nomadic loners. But then again, he never refused anyone help. After three years outside the Zone, living in a small apartment at the outskirts of Kiev, being called only on rare occasions back into the Zone as a guide to the military and the scientists, Strelok feels the peculiar after-effects of him staying in the Zone for months. Suffering from weird medical conditions, he nonetheless endures what came to be known as the call of the Zone. All the efforts made by his best friend, Colonel Degtyarev, and numerous scientists and other friendly faces to keep him out of the harm’s reach were to no avail- Strelok was going back, no matter with or without military or scientific approval. With his renegade scientist friend, known in the stalker community a Clamour, already back in the Zone, heading towards the CNPP, the matter of packing his things up was that of seconds. Colonel Degtyarev was neither pleased nor shocked seeing the old stalker back at the Cordon gates one very early morning. Promising Strelok that he will be collecting his teeth from the ground if he would ever have to rescue his thin ass from the Zone again, Degtyarev gave his friend a pat on his shoulder and kicked him out of the military post with both of the men smiling like insane idiots they were, with Degtyarev shouting at his comrade that the military will open fire in ten seconds and that he, the Colonel and commanding officer of that entire mess, didn’t see him at all and should they accidentally shot him dead, well, they will just dig a hole and make a neat cross with unknown stalker written on it… All the soldiers at the military post were laughing seeing Strelok supposedly sneaking past them, taking bets, and waving the legendary stalker off, with Colonel Degtyarev observing the whole show from the watch tower. And then, after counting ten seconds, with guns blazing and an Emission approaching, Strelok is back in the Zone again…

So yea, just some of my writing-for-pleasure musings; I’ve got a little sort-of pilot (or snippet, rather) to this post-Call of Pripyat story on my desktop but I don’t know… I’m a so-so academic writer but my story writing skills are another sorry kettle of fish xd But maybe I’ll find some bravery within me to share some more pieces of my writing in the nearest future^^;

I.} Your hands are but
phantoms to my flesh,
now.
One too many days
have passed
without the gentle caress
of your nails against
my body–
the violent tug of your fingers
in my hair;
knotted.

II.} I have to paint your image
on mine,
our ghosts doing the things
our bodies crave.
Your face remains a permanent
smear against my eyelids…
I can’t look away.

I find myself mezmorized
by that mouth.

—  You aren’t here || Monica Lynn

I fell asleep in the arms of a good friend and I woke to his hands violating my
body. Now it is impossible to eat or sleep without my stomach churning with sickness inside of me.

Do I feel sick because of the ill ways of his hand or do I feel sick because my body wouldn’t allow me to save myself? Maybe I feel sick because the core of my body understands that no matter what I will always blame myself.

—  drafts of a future author 89
~10 Kinds Of Magical Books~

1. Book Of Shadows- A witch’s book of spells, rituals, personal feelings, etc. It is a general book for any metaphysical or religious information that you wish to put into it, among other things.

2.Bestiary- A sometimes hand-written encyclopedia or manual of mythological and magical creatures and beings, used for reference when you want to work with a non-human energy, or for general research. 

3.Grimoire- Usually filled with tables and charts, lists relating to astrological, numerical, and color correspondences; properties of crystals, herbs, trees, etc. Contains moon phase meanings and medicinal properties of plants- This one has an old-timey textbook feel to it, usually.

4.Book Of Mirrors- a special journal, where you ‘reflect’ on things going on in your day to day life, providing deep insights which are invaluable when you’re doing work regarding personal growth. Very helpful with developing personal spiritual philosophies.

5.Book Of Moons- A book entirely relating to the moon and it’s cycles, names of the moons of each month, their attributes and energies, dates of lunar eclipses as well as full moon dates of upcoming moons. Filled with vast knowledge of lunar attributes and special dates of red moons, blue moons, etc.

6.Dream Journal- Here you record the dreams you have in as much detail as you can remember, and some people draw images from their dream adventures in this book as well, since dreams use the language of symbolism and imagery. You interpret the meanings of your dreams in here too, if you wish. Dreams can help us get a glimpse into our subconscious and the more dreams you write the easier it becomes for you to remember them.

7. Book of Visions- A vision book is used with the law of attraction, it is a ‘vision board’ in book form. Put different images of things you want in life, be they experiences, physical items, money, health, etc, in the pages of the book. Open the book up to pictures of what you want to visualize having. Think of this as an on-the-go vision board, except with much more space as there are so many pages!

8.Book Of Positive Aspects- At the top of each page you write the name of a topic that you are unhappy with, like ‘the workplace’  for example. Below the topic title you begin listing all the positive aspects of the subject, and by the end of your list your emotions will be in a much better place regarding the topic. You can do a list a day or many in one sitting, it is a valuable tool for cultivating positive energy or for switching viewpoints on things that normally would upset you.

9.Gratitude Journal- A book where you write about EVERYTHING you are thankful and appreciative for in your life right now. You feel overwhelmed with love and positivity when writing in this book, which aids you in raising your vibration and frequency.

10. Book Of Intuitions- a psychic journal, it’s a book where all divination and psychic exercises are recorded, ranging from full tarot spreads, to tea leaf readings, even psychic impressions you pick up off people. It’s handy for tracking progress as well as for record keeping.

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5.3.17 Was doing some essay writing in one of my favourite cafés in Clifton yesterday while it rained, and then went to play the last game of South West League for quidditch. We lost, but not as badly as we thought we would! I’m finding this essay so interesting it’s a shame I’m finding it so hard to write! Xxx emily

So I guess this is how this ends;

No more sad songs,
No more crying,
No more ‘accidental’ “sorry, wrong person” texts,

I will begin to learn how to be okay without you,
I will teach myself how to listen to our song without crying,
No matter what it takes, I will get over you.

So I guess this is how it ends for good this time,
No encore,
No second chances,

Not again.

It’s been 100 days since you kissed her,
And that doesn’t matter anymore or maybe the fact that I’m still counting means that it still matters all too much

I guess what I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t hurt like a knife anymore. I can see you without wanting to run as fast as I can (I still haven’t decided whether I wanted to run to you or away from you)

Somewhere during these 100 days my body got tired of being sad over someone who doesn’t deserve my tears, who never deserved me in the first place. So maybe it does still matter, but it doesn’t hurt as much and I guess that means I’m getting somewhere