December 16, 2014

He asked if any of us struggle with mental illness.

A part of me wanted to raise my hand. Share my story. Relapse. Self Harm. Recovery. Share all those experiences.

but then the other part of me didn’t feel right about it.

I see myself speaking in a big room one day. Speaking freely. but not now.

and it’s okay. 

Dear First Love,

When I think of what we had the only word that comes to mind is innocent. I was your first love and you were mine. Growing up I only knew what it was like to love my family but then you came along. Our love was beautiful and pure. I fought with myself for a long time but I never fought for us. You offered me the world and I kept walking. Forgive me for not looking back. I hurt you for many years but you kept trying. You had hope that maybe the girl you fell in love with would come back home but she never did. Forgive me. Please share your love with someone who loves as strongly as you do.The world can be a cruel place so please take care of yourself. I believe in you and I know we will both accomplish the goals we have set for ourselves. It is a bittersweet feeling. I am happy for the years we spent together but it is time to close the door. I will head one direction and you the opposite. Our paths will cross one day but we will be completely different people. Thank you for the things you have taught me. Thank you for always staying up late with me when I wasn’t feeling well. Thank you for always being kind to my family. Thank you for holding my hand every time you could. Thank you for always asking if you could do something. Thank you for teaching me how to love. Thank you for our love. 

Thank you first love.



October 1, 2014.
Do you ever get those days were you don’t want to be at a certain place? I arrived to school on time this morning and I even managed to make small talk with a couple of people but I did NOT want to be there. My professor was lecturing and all I could think about was running. I ended up sneaking out and going home. My shoes were by the door so I just slipped them on, put on some music, and ran. It was a good run..a well needed run. October be nice to me.


January 5, 2015
Starting this week with 2 miles. Hoping to push it to 3 by the end of this week. 4 miles would be nice but I’ll let that be my main focus for next week. I laid on the floor after my run and took a picture of my legs. I love my legs.

PS. I have decided to run the San Diego Marathon. It’s 22 weeks away. If I start training now I should be okay.