odd landmarks

The Fundamentals of Caring starter sentences

71 starters
feel free to change gender pronouns
content warning: cussing, sexual themes

  • “I cannot take care of another unless I first take care of myself.”
  • “_____, come on. I know you’re in there.”
  • “My needs are equal to the needs of the person to whom I am giving care.”
  • “All I can do is try my best and maintain a positive attitude.”
  • “Just always remember: ALOHA. Ask, Listen, Observe, Help, Ask again.”
  • “I like helping people.”
  • “Sorry. My child has a unique sense of humor.”
  • “I’ve been out of work for a while and I could really use this job.”
  • “Yeah, but if we’re gonna throw down nine bucks an hour for somebody to wipe my ass, we need somebody who knows how to wipe an ass.”
  • “You’re being rude.”
  • “Why are you doing this to me?”
  • “It’s been two and a half years. What’s the magic number where you wake up and you’re finally ready? Six years? Eight? Eighty?”
  • “Would you tap that? Because I would pound that shit into the ground.”
  • “Could you call the Make-A-Wish foundation and tell them I want a blowjob from Katy Perry?”
  • “What is this gem, you ask? This is a map of your precious country’s lamest roadside attractions, odd museums, bizarre landmarks, and of course anything giant, from farm animals to cherry pie.”
  • “I have some fantastic news. I need to take a dump.”
  • “Who do you think would win in a fight to the death, me or a bird?”
  • “I enjoy this time together.”
  • “If you woke up and you were totally… fine… what’s the thing you’d wanna do most?”
  • “If somebody tries to rob the bank today, don’t be a hero.”
  • “Did you arrange these to look like large testicles and a small penis?”
  • “I wrote a couple novels you’ve never heard of.”
  • “So, what is this? Is this, like, research for you?”
  • “When you do write about me, I want you to describe me as handsome and cool. The best stuff is truthful.”
  • “Have you been working with lead-based paint in an enclosed area?”
  • “Come on. Don’t you get bored just sitting in this room and going to the park once a week?”
  • “I mean, doesn’t any part of you want to see the world’s deepest pit in person, not just on TV?”
  • “I didn’t realize you had a father.”
  • “So you don’t even read those?”
  • “Really? We’re still going on about this?”
  • “What’s with you today?”
  • “It was his choice, not mine. He can live with it. Let’s leave it at that.”
  • “A father’s supposed to be there for his kid. Protect him from harm. That’s the only job a father has.”
  • “There we go. Now go get me some juice.”
  • “I can’t have you making promises you can’t keep.”
  • “You think because you’re in a wheelchair that gives you the right to do and say whatever you want?”
  • “You ever considered that maybe I’m just a prick, with or without the wheelchair?”
  • “Is that the best you can do? That’s it? I thought you were a writer.”
  • “I don’t buy any of your bullshit. You can make jokes all you want, but you are wasting your life by sitting in this house and watching TV.”
  • “Honestly, what were you thinking?”
  • “It was very heroic how you jumped in there without missing a beat.”
  • “I want a text or a phone call every three hours.”
  • “ ‘He died trying to see the world’s biggest pit’ is a really bad obituary.”
  • “Dude, were you—? Were you just doing air quotes? Don't—don’t ever do that again.”
  • “Let me see if there’s any food in there I can actually eat.”
  • “Well, I thought it was good to get straight to the point.”
  • “I’m in a fucking wheelchair, okay? I could spew Shakespeare shit and a girl like that’s not gonna be interested in me.”
  • “Fuck you, you’re a [insert age]-year-old ass-wiper.”
  • “See, I knew the open road would be good for you.”
  • “Would you quit screwing around? I’m driving.”
  • “Don’t ever do that again! You scared the shit out of me!”
  • “We came to see a giant cow. We’re going to see a giant cow.”
  • “Hey, what the fuck? That’s mine.”
  • “I just… Here’s the thing. I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
  • “You know, when I get home, I’m gonna put you on the roadside attractions map. World’s biggest dick.”
  • “Oh, shit. Are you a pervert?”
  • “Yeah, it’s total bullshit. And on a stick. Like the world’s least delicious lollipop.”
  • “Man, I am starving. I think there’s an all-night diner across the street. What do you think?”
  • “Are you asking me on a date?”
  • “Dude, you were like James Bond there! That was the most badass thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
  • “I knew one of your spells would kill me.”
  • “I told you, I only date assholes.”
  • “What’s it like being a parent?”
  • “Every corny thing you’ve ever heard about having a kid is completely and utterly true.”
  • “I thought I’d like it ‘cause it’s lame, but it’s actually pretty cool.”
  • “Did you steal this, _____?”
  • “Please don’t call me that.”
  • “He’s a heaping mess, but… he’s my heaping mess.”
  • “Life’s a real class-A bitch, isn’t it?”
  • “Well, take care of yourself in [insert city]. There are a lot of perverts there.”
  • “Would you just do me a favor and shut the fuck up for once in your life?”