One fucking kiss and I crumbled. I’m addicted, Sparrow. I’m fucking addicted to you. You’re like my own personal brand of heroin. You’re stronger than I am… smarter… braver. You’re so fucking brave, Sparrow. And you’re so fucking beautiful without even knowing it. Everything about you is fucking beautiful. Your soul is beautiful. You are fucking beautiful.
Something ached in me at the sound of her broken voice. This wasn’t Swan. Swan wasn’t supposed to sound so defeated. She wasn’t supposed to be broken. She was supposed to talk back and irritate me. She was supposed to be a waste of space. She was supposed to be nothing to me. Nothing but someone to annoy me.
At that moment, something changed.
As she lay there on the floor, looking up at me with those brown eyes, I knew she was not a waste of space. Someone so broken could never be. That thought was fucking disturbing, and it was something I would never admit out loud.
I’m Edward fucking Cullen. I didn’t give a damn about Isabella Swan. I didn’t care about any of this shit… Then why were you here? I felt something crack inside me. It was too fucking much. The accident. All the fucking pressure… and now this. I couldn’t fucking lie to myself anymore. They had been right all along. I was going to break down, and it was going to be ugly. ‘Because I fucking changed…’
This is the most important thing you can ever do to me. I don’t fucking care if you ever see a shrink, I don’t even care if you go completely insane and run around dressed in a pink tutu while singing songs in jibberish. As long as you have a pulse, as long as your heart keeps beating, you’re fucking mine. Okay? Keep your heart strong, because it’s all I want. I will love you even if you go insane.
No, Sparrow. I wouldn’t let you go. I’m too selfish. If we were a fucking Oreo cookie, you would be the white stuff keeping the two halves of my heart together. Without you, I would fucking fall apart.
I’m Edward fucking Cullen. I didn’t give a damn about Isabella Swan. I didn’t care about any of this shit…
Then why were you here?
I felt something crack inside me. It was too fucking much. The accident. All the fucking pressure… and now this. I couldn’t fucking lie to myself anymore. They had been right all along. I was going to break down, and it was going to be ugly.
It means that… people change, all the time, for no good reason… they love you, then they stab you… they hate you, then they wanna help you… but you, Edward… you’re the same all the time. And I like that. It’s nice having something constant to hold on to… even if it means being called a bird’s name every now and again… it’s the constant things in your life that keep you sane
‘Fucking everything. Whatever you want, you deserve it. So tell me, Sparrow, if you could choose anything in this fucked up world to have, what would that be?’
I smiled sadly at him, already knowing what I wanted. There was only one thing. There had always just been one thing. I always thought I would get it someday, but then Mom decided to cut me, turning my view of the world upside down and making me doubt everything I had ever known. And of course, effectively removing my will to even breathe anymore. There was only one thing.
‘I just want to be loved.’
Edward Cullen and Bella Swan from Hit by Destiny