anonymous asked:

Hi! Kinda new to this headcanon ask thing, so sorry if I get something wrong... Do you think that after all the trauma Jason's been through he might have OCD? Possibly even before becoming a vigilante. Like getting caught doing repetitive hand tapping/trying to make things even/etc? And sometimes ppl see it and ask him about it? Just curious on what your thoughts are; I think about this a lot as someone with OCD.

I think he would not only have some fidgeting as a cause of OCD (he would definitely click pens and twist caps, which would annoy people who don’t know him), but he would also be very strict about the arrangement of his possessions, so like everything he owns is kept really pristine and organised which definitely surprises people. All of his books are alphabetised by genre, his pens are grouped by colour, everything has to be perfectly centred or else it drives him crazy. And I think this would have sprung out of not only mental trauma, but by the lack of possessions when he was younger and so as he gets older he comes to appreciate everything he has, not that he didn’t before, with a different vigor

3

A perpetual spell to cope with intrusive thoughts

Thanks to severe OCD and PTSD, I’m often stuck in my own head with a bunch of intrusive and obsessive nonsense. I came up with a perpetual banishing and transmutation spell to help process and deal with unwanted thoughts.

The Banishing Bin functions somewhat like a computer’s recycle bin:

  • write unwanted thought/feeling on a sticky note or piece of small paper
  • draw banishing/transmutation sigil over words
  • fold up paper and throw in banishing bin 
  • burn/rip/trash them during the waning crescent or dark moon

This is a great spell if you’re a spoonie or not open about your craft. It’s fairly easy to perform and store without raising eyebrows (it literally just sits on my bookcase unsuspiciously). I found the mini trashcan at a local discount store for a couple dollars. The cheapest one I can find online can be purchased from Amazon here, but you can use any container you like as a bin. If you don’t have a banishing sigil you’re already working with, feel free to use mine

A couple things I’ve learned

just for some babes who may find them useful

1) This shit

Self-adhesive medical tape is one of my new favorite things. I wrap it around the tips of my fingers like a thimble type deal. It doesn’t stick to your skin but stays on your fingers; you can type with it on, and it’s imfuckingpossible to pick while wearing it. You can get a buttload for $12 on amazon here.

2) These fuckers

Look dumb? Heck yeah they do. I use them for mirrors, ‘cause we all know how tricky those are. They occupy both your hands, you can twist them into shapes like the 5-year-old you are, and if both your hands are playing with it, they aren’t skimming your face. You can buy three for $10 here.

3) Whatever the fuck these are

don’t even know what to call them tbh; my therapist gave them to me and I use them while at the computer. You roll them around on your fingers and the spikes sting ever so slightly so be careful if you regularly pick your fingers, but the sensation replaces the sensation you might expect from picking and keeps you aware of your hands so they don’t stray to your skin like the sneaky fuckers they are. You can get a pack of ten for $10 here.


I’ll update with more later on, but these are the main ones I’ve had real success with. The trick is to use them consistently around your typical trigger areas or situations where you pick the most often, so your brain learns to associate those things with the fidget and not with picking. As always, if anyone else has tricks or fidgets that really work for them, don’t hesitate for a nanosecond to add on. Happy healing, you gorgeous little shits you!

things I don't want you to feel bad about

1. being unhappy for no specific reason. It’s not your fault, you’re not being selfish or spoiled. You can’t help it.
2. being unsure of your sexuality/gender identity. Again, not a thing you can really control. Humans are complicated and not everyone knows exactly what they like and who they are; some people need more time and that’s perfectly okay.
3. being trans or non binary or genderfluid or any other gender identity!! All that matters is that you’re being true to yourself and expressing yourself in the ways you feel happy and comfortable.
4. having issues with the way you look. You’re not vain, self centered, unworthy of love or somehow a bad person. Insecurities can take over someone’s life and if something is bothering you, that’s a real problem and you don’t need to apologize for it because other people don’t understand how much something hurts you.
5. getting triggered by things. Being “triggered” has become a huge meme and a lot of people mock and underestimate being triggered. If seeing something reminds you of something that hurts you, or makes you feel bad, causes you panic, etc, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. Don’t let other people who scream “TRIGGERED!!!! I’M TRIGGERED!!!!” Make you feel guilty for your actual triggers.
6. other people’s opinions on how you look, the way you dress/present yourself, the things you like (as long as it’s not harming anyone!) and your situation in life. The only opinion of you that matters is your own. (again just don’t hurt anybody.)
I love you always, stay strong.

Symptoms of OCD people don't talk about

-Depressive episodes
-Generalized anxiety
-Mild to severe hallucinations
-Innapropriate emotional reactions
-Hypersexuality v no libido changing constantly
-So many thoughts in your head it’s just a roaring buzzing noise and all you can do is cry
-Hypersensitivity
-Hyperresponsability
-Noticing literally everything, whether it’s things passing by, what everyone around you says no matter how far, how people react or say things, mood changes, how things feel, how another person’s hands feel because they just touched something dirty and didn’t wash up
-Sudden selective mutism
-Nightmares every single time you sleep
-Separation anxiety

Among so many others.

i want some positivity posts for people with moral-obsessed ocd

shout out to people who worry over small/“meaningless” things

shout out to people who can’t listen to prayers or go to church because the very idea of committing a sin upsets them

shout out to people who have intrusive thoughts like slurs or other offensive terms that make them worry they really are bad (which they’re not)

shout out to people who overanalyze every decision they make so as to make sure it’s not morally wrong

shout out to people who have to recite prayers or other phrases in their head when they make a “mistake”

you are not dirty, you are not sinful; your “bad” thoughts and decisions do not define you

To Maggie Stiefvater - thank you

Dear @maggie-stiefvater,

A year ago this month, you replied to my ask about how you deal with the fact that your OCD will never go away. I wanted to tell you how much that reply​ means to me, even a year after you wrote it.

I cried when I got that response, and then laughed and literally went for a run around my neighborhood because I was so excited. I had been struggling for so long, and hearing from someone who understood - and who was my favorite author - was more amazing than I can tell you. I printed that reply out and hung it up on my wall beside my bed so that I can read it whenever I’m struggling.

And I went though a lot of struggles in the past year since you wrote that reply. I started seeking help for my OCD, and that involved a lot of unhelpful and even rude therapists and medications that made me sick and even more anxious than I already was. I lost my best friend. The social anxiety that accompanies my OCD got so bad I couldn’t even talk in school without almost having a panic attack. I almost quit school. I stopped writing because I couldn’t do it without my OCD making me hate every word I wrote. Even reading became hard because my brain was too stuck in a loop of obsessions to focus on what I was reading. I started having awful suicidal thoughts and urges to self harm. Every day, I wondered how I would make it to the next. If I would.

Your words - whether they be in the response you wrote to me, in your books, or what you’ve posted on tumblr - helped to give me hope. There were times that I’d lie on my bed crying with my Raven Cycle books next to me because they reminded me I wasn’t alone. I read about Gansey and his anxiety in BLLB and felt like someone understood. I read about Ronan in TDT and found enough hope that I, too, would survive the suicidal thoughts. In the midst of being extremely lonely, I read about all love and friendship between the characters and felt like I had a friend in them, too. Sometimes at night, I would take the response you wrote to me on tumblr down from my wall and read it to remind myself that I’d be okay. Sometimes it didn’t feel true. You said my OCD could be a super power, but at that time it just felt like it was trying to kill me.

Even though it didn’t feel true then, it feels true now. I kept working to find the right medication and therapist, and it worked. The suicidal thoughts began to fade. They only really come back when I’m having a bad day, and they’re much easier to control. I can sit at my computer and actually write. It’s still hard sometimes, but I’m finally finding joy in it - and the rest of life - again. Also, I’ve realized that when I’m not in the midst of being controlled by my OCD, I’m driven and can get a lot of work done quickly. I don’t think I would be this way if I didn’t have this disorder. That doesn’t mean I love having it - there are still times that it feels like torture - but it is slowly becoming something I can control and use instead of something that controls me. Sometimes it still feels like a curse, but now I’m starting to see that yes, sometimes it’s also a super power​.

So thank you. Thank you for that response and your books and your honesty. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for helping me choose to stay. - theletterem