the members of an orchestra
  • violins I: we're the superstars fuck everyone else its all about us
  • violins II: why do we always get the boring parts
  • flutes: we're so lonely
  • piccolo: lol fk your ears
  • french horns: and im not even french hONHONHON BAGUETTE
  • oboes: IM SORRY I TUNED BEFORE I SWEar
  • violas: evERYONE ALWAYS FKUCING FRORGETS ABOUT US
  • trumpets: wats 'p'
  • trombones: wats quiet
  • cellos: im either boring af or exciting af and there is no in between
  • bassoons: im so posh but i really just honk like a truck
  • clarinet: *squeaks*
  • timpani: EVERYONE LOVES ME BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM BOM
  • bass clarinet: lol where am i
  • tuba: *waits for a wagner piece to do something exciting*
  • harp: im just a more sophisticated piano
  • piano: FUCK YOU HARP I GET CONCERTOS WRITTEN FOR ME SCREW EVERYTHING WHO NEEDS AN ORCHESTRA WHEN YOU CAN PLAY EVERYTHING ON ME IM THE STAR OF EVERYTIHNG
  • english horn: im literally only useful for dvorak's 9th like what am even i doing here
  • basses: semibreves, tied to a semibreve, tied to a minim, tied to a crotchet, oh wait a quaver wow exciting ok back to semibreves
  • cornets: trumpet wannabe
  • cymbals: BOOM CRASH CRASH CRASH CRASH IM SRO HAPYP CRASH CRAHS
  • xylophones: am i meant to be here?
  • triangles:
  • bass drum: MY TIME TO SHINE FUCK YOU ALL
Dear kids that are starting band for the first time.

Instruments don’t have gender. If you are a boy and you want to play flute. Do it. If you are a girl and you want to play tuba. Do it. No one can tell you that since you are a boy you have to play saxophone, trumpet or another instrument like that. Or since you are a girl you have to play flute, clarinet or some instrument like that. Play whatever you want to. No one can tell you other wise.

4

VIRTUOSO BOARD GAME

Virtuoso is a music theory board game. Players compete against each other by successfully answering trivia questions about music history, composition, listening comprehension, and theory. Not for the faint of heart, Virtuoso is a competitive, yet educational game geared for high school and college musicians to expand their knowledge and show off their mad skills.

Musicians Watching Movies
  • Musician: What are they doing!? They aren't even in the proper playing position?
  • Friends: Okay we get it...
  • Musician: That is terrible embouchure for a flute. She should sound flatter than a pancake.
  • Friends: Just watch the movie...
  • Musician: Has he ever even laid eyes on a trumpet? They could at least do a little research on the instrument before they FAKE play it!
The Signs as Music Hoe Aesthetics
  • Aries: The slight rumbling you feel on the floor when you sit in front of the percussion
  • Taurus: the sound of the orchestra tuning, and you already feel your heart beating faster from a simple concert A
  • Gemini: The low chatter of anticipation from the audience before the performance
  • Cancer: Music torn at the edges with pencil writings scrawled all over the notes, a testament to somebody's time and passion
  • Leo: The feeling of playing a piece memorized; not just thinking about the notes but letting the music and your fingers work their magic
  • Virgo: The bright reflective lights on the keys of woodwinds and brass in the shining concert lights
  • Capricorn: When a person is so into the music that they start to dance and become a fluid structure, free and unbridled and emotional
  • Sagittarius: The feeling you get when you are in concert black with all of your friends, kind of like being a blurry smoke cloud in the night that moves together, breathes together, and performs together
  • Scorpio: when the string players are so into their music that their bow hairs start to fray and unravel and it's a mess of blurry lines moving like liquid silver
  • Libra: the conductor's arms, especially in staccato/scherzo moments, where movement is light and graceful and just there, showing its presence but not forcing it on
  • Aquarius: The adrenaline rush of playing a solo in a piece and the honor of standing up after it ends, where you have those few seconds just for you and only you
  • Pisces: The last note ringing around the air and the heavy, almost tangible silence which occurs for a microsecond afterwards
  • what she says: I'm fine
  • what she means: tchaikovsky didn't deserve all of the shit he went through. he was gay during a time when it was completely unacceptable, so he married a woman he didn't love to quell any suspicions. she turned out to be a freaking nymphomaniac, and he tried to commit suicide by drowning himself in a freezing cold river. his marriage ended horribly after only two months, AND he caught a cold because of the river. no one deserves this.