obnoxious pet

in celebration of hitting my next hundred, and of turning twenty five, i’ve compiled a list of eighty five who in your otp? questions that you can find under the cut. i got most of these from my best friend and i throwing these questions back and forth to help inspire our ship muse, so i help it helps you too! pls give a like or reblog if you found this helpful at all!

who in your otp:

  • drives when they go on road trips? do they switch at the halfway point? does one drive there and the other drive back?
  • looks over the menu for fifteen minutes before ordering the same thing they order EVERYWHERE they go? does the other half of your ship get annoyed by this, or do they find it endearing?
  • is more likely to get arrested?
  • is afraid of rollercoasters? does the other half of your ship try and convince them to face the fear, or do they take a softer approach and not push them at all?
  • shows up at home with a dog unannounced despite the fact they’ve already got three/four/however many pets?
  • demands that they do date night? does the other person complain or do they go with it just to see the excited look on their partners face?

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Please fire me. I work in pet retail as a dog trainer and cashier when I don’t have classes. A customer came up with over $400 worth of new things for her dog. She was snobby the entire time, looking at me over her obnoxious sunglasses (on a cloudy, nearly overcast day). I pull through with a smile and when I tell her to swipe her card, she goes to do it, stops mid-swipe, and say “No. You do it.” With a smirk on her face. I politely tell her our systems don’t allow us to do that and she stares hard at me. This woman then decides she doesn’t want any of this stuff and wants to go to the competitor. Yeah, bitch. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Dating Brennen Taylor would include…

  • Daily vlogging together
  • Cuddles with Kobe
  • Hanging out with the family
  • Pranks
  • Innuendos
  • Shipping Brolby
  • Shopping together
  • Sushi
  • Drinking games
  • ^ wining everytime
  • Napping together
  • “Babe, CATCH!”
  • Him wanting to do your make-up
  • Taking picture of each other
  • Tweeting each other
  • Always ‘fighting’ about who’s more pretty
  • Dancing together in the middle of the night with no music
  • All the PDA
  • Going clubbing together
  • Him showing you off
  • Calling each other the most obnoxious pet names
  • Lip biting
  • Laughing about literally everything
  • Watching movies and cuddling
  • “Hey babe! Odds on you doing..”
  • Traveling

There was no denying it. You and Harry were probably the most PDA-y couple out there, whether you wanted to admit it or not. 

What was funny was that you hated seeing couples act all gooey in public (this was back when you hadn’t met Harry yet), and you thought it was rather gross that people were rubbing their relationships in everyone’s faces. It wasn’t like you were a bitter, single person… you just thought Eskimo kisses and obnoxious pet names were appropriate in a certain place and during a certain time! Harry, on the other hand, loved affection of any kind. He’d never reject an offer for a kiss on the cheek, a quick hug, and even a snuggle! You liked to think that his love for PDA was infectious… it spread to you like an STD. (Probably not the greatest metaphor.) 

“Going out for brunch today was a great idea.” You murmured, popping a strawberry into your mouth and chewing thoughtfully. It was just another Sunday morning, and you and Harry decided to go out for a bite instead of having to eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast. You wanted to stay home because your bed was warm and cozy, and not to mention, you liked eating cereal! There was nothing wrong with a bowl of sugary goodness to fuel you up for the day. Of course, Harry had you wrapped around his pinky, so that was how you ended up at this fancy brunch place. 

“Right? Tha’s why we should do brunch every single Sunday.” Harry commented, holding up a chunk of his waffle in front of you. “Want some?” You immediately took it into your mouth, moaning quietly at how good it tasted. Your waffles at home certainly didn’t taste like this! 

“Tha’s reawwy good.” You said through a mouthful of food, covering your mouth with your hand. Harry laughed lightly and reached over, wiping a dot of syrup off the side of your mouth before taking his thumb into his mouth and sucking it off. 

“You’re adorable.” 

Get a room.” Oh, right. You and Harry weren’t alone. This was brunch with the whole gang. You looked over at Niall (who was currently giving you a pointed look) before shooting him a sheepish smile. Niall loved you and Harry dearly, but the way you two acted together in public made him sick to his stomach. He didn’t even want to finish his own waffles! 

“By the way, I can feel the sexual tension radiating off of you guys.” Liam snorted, your cheeks immediately growing as red as the strawberries on your plate. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You huffed, rolling your eyes. 

“You’ve been playing footsie for the last twenty minutes, we all know what t’at means.” Niall lifted the tablecloth, looking down at your feet. Lo and behold, your foot was nudging against Harry’s leg. 

“I- I can’t help it! I’m not doing it on purpose!” You defended yourself, Harry laughing at how flustered you were getting. 

“I thought you guys would’ve been satisfied considering how long you were going at it last night.” Louis commented casually, picking at his fruit salad. 

“Wha- How do you know what we-” 

“Obviously, Harry told us about- Oh, was I not supposed to say that?” Louis winced, quickly looking away from Harry and his death glare. This brunch was now turning into a commentary of your sexual relationship with Harry. 

“I’m just surprised how open you are with PDA now. I very clearly remember how grossed out you were when Cheryl and I were holding hands during dinner.” 

“Good sex can change a person, I suppose.” Niall snorted, giggling to himself when you threw your napkin at him. “If it makes you feel any better, we’re willing to wait.”

“Wait for what?” You let out a sigh, leaning back against your chair exhaustedly and looking at Niall expectantly. 

“Yeah! Wait for you while you and Harry fuck it out in the washroom. Maybe after sex, the PDA will be dialed down to a 4.” 

“You people are terrible.” 


gif isn’t mine!

Okay but, like, pets with obnoxious human names are a great resource???? The weirder the animal, the better????? Just, think–person A is bringing person B home ‘cause they got wasted and—–
B: Shhhhhhhhhh!! Don’t!!!!make!!!!!any!!!!!! noise!!!!–Britney’s sleeping. She’ll go all crazy if we wake her.
A: Oh, is that so?
B: Yeah… She’s a good girl but, like, she’ll rip your face off if you disturbe her.
A: Is, is she your girlfriend?..
B: Neah, she’s my six feet long python.
A: How drunk are you, more exactly???????????

Bayojeanne Week 6 - Jealousy

Word count: 3760

Summary: Bayonneta and Jeanne’s cat are at constant odds and who will get the upper hand?

A/N: Oh boy whats it like posting bayojeanne week things like, 2 months after the fact? A promise is a promise though so I am doing all of these. This one has a bit of a buy-in, it features Artemisa, their daughter from my other fic Barren Ground Blooms in Change (I guess you really only have to know it’s their kid, basically but feel free to read!) 

Jeanne had loved horses once upon a time. Lovely horses, big horses, light and springy horses. If it had hooves, a bad temper and could be saddled she liked it.

With the advent of modern technology and shackles that didn’t allow for the sort of long term care of an animal, she had found herself replacing her beloved horses with the roaring charm of motorcycles.

Angel Slayer was a bike all on it’s own category, extensively modified and of course, with more magic running through it than a young witch. That being said, sometimes the real world needed more finesse than what equated to a Mad Max chase gone off rails and for the times she needed to look like Ms. D’Arc, mild mannered teacher, other bikes had to do.

Her most recent purchase was a big and bulky touring bike with all the bells and whistles, in an attractive blue and black. It was a…compromise to get Cereza to ride with her and not keep getting detoured for her to flirt at humans.

For her cool teacher Jeanne days she had her tremendously fast streetfighter, slinky and aggressive that went from 0 to 60 in a staggering 2.6 seconds. By all standards, her mortal made pride and joy.

Only had one caveat. The passenger riding position.

Especially if that passenger was seven whole feet of legs, ass and overflowing charisma. 

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one of the things that happens when you have the same s/o for a really long time that no one talks about is the slow degradation of whatever pet names you have for each other. my bf and i have gone from calling each other baby to babbu to bab to beeb over the past 5 years we’ve been together and i know for a fact it’s only gonna get more incomprehensible. what’ll be the obnoxious pet name singularity? 🅱️? who knows. the only way we can go is down


@marvelanddcfanforever​ sent me in a prompt forever ago, and then my life turned into a living hell and I was perpetually busy. Finally finished it today, though, I’m so sorry it took so long!!

Prompt:  could you please do an Owen Grady x reader (obviously) where we’re\you’re at a party to together, get drunk, sleep together (in detail or not, up to u), u wake up first, leave, find out ur pregnant and have to tell Owen? Please have a fluffy ending.

I hope this is what you were looking for!

“Are you ready yet?” Your best friend and old coworker asks through the bathroom door.

“Almost!” You reply, putting the finishing touches on your makeup.

“You said that fifteen minutes ago. If we’re late for this party, I’m going to kill you.” She replies, and you can hear the eye roll in her voice. You take a step back from the mirror and look over your appearance before nodding and capping your lipstick. You set it down and open the door, leaning in the door frame.

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A fiery red headed princess with braided hair is locked away all her life after a tragic appearance-altering incident involving magic happens to her at night. She is then targeted by a man who only wishes to marry her in order to become king, goes on a roadtrip with a smelly man and his obnoxious sidekick/talking pet and falls in love with him instead. The princess undergoes an total body transformation at a pivotal moment and an act of true love saves the day, albeit in an unconventional way.