obliviate myself

I wish I could obliviate myself so that every time I read Harry Potter it’d be like the first time

anonymous asked:

BYSOTI(D) Drabble Prompt: Victor and Yuuri (whether together or separately) discover that there are RPF about themselves, both with other people, and each other. This could be before or after they get together, though the former may be more amusing?

“So you know how Yakov is always saying “never google yourself”?”

Yuuri didn’t even answer, just dropped his head down to the table.  This was going to go somewhere that he wouldn’t like.  He just knew it.

“Let me guess,” Chris leaned forward.  “You googled yourself.”

With a smile that could stun reporters and make them forget every question that they had ever wanted to ask him, Viktor nodded.  “I did!  And there are some amazing things.  People draw artwork of me!  And other skaters, but of me!”

“As if your ego wasn’t already outrageous, mon cher.”

Yuuri kept his mouth shut.

“Not only that, they write stories!”

Chris laughed.  “Stories?”

Yuuri groaned.  “Please tell me you didn’t read any.”  Just what the world needed, a Viktor Nikiforov that was aware that RPF was a thing.

“Have you read any?”  Viktor sounded curious.

Yuuri sat up and shifted.  That was a dangerous question.  He had been a twelve year old with an idol and access to the internet.  So, of course, he’d read some, but he wasn’t about to tell Viktor that!.  “No.” Liar.

“There’s some about you as well, Yuuri!  And about Chris!”

“Ooh.  How do I find it!  I want to read them!”  Chris took out his phone.

“I’ll send you a link to an archive!”

Yuuri thought about abandoning the rest of his drink and claiming tiredness and running up to his room.  It was allowed.  They’d all skated their short programs just a few hours ago.

“What’s the difference between a slash and an ampersand?”

Yuuri gave up.  “The slash denotes a romantic pairing and an ampersand is supposed to denote just a friendship or other relationship.”  There was no getting out of this and these two needed supervision.

“You’ve read some, Yuuri?!”

“No.  I have not read any fic about myself, but I’ve read fanfiction before.  Phichit reads a lot of fanfiction.  Probably writes some too.  I don’t really ask because  I don’t need to know the complex relationship dynamics of Naruto and Sasuke and whoever.”  From the looks on their faces, Yuuri had lost them already.  Thank god.

Viktor looked back down at his phone.  “Oh, look, Yuuri!  Here’s one about us.  It has that slash thing, so that means we’re in a relationship in that one, right?”

Chris was choking on his pastry or something, but Yuuri sighed and looked at Viktor’s phone and the summary.  “Uh, Viktor?”


“Two things, according to that we hate each other.”


“And… well, we’re, um…” Yuuri could feel the heat crawling up his face.  He couldn’t actually force himself to say ‘hate-sex’.

Christophe, however, could apparently.  “Oh my god.  It’s a one-shot about the two of you hate-fucking.  Can I read it?”

“What?!”  Yuuri thought that he’d never heard that particular inflection from Viktor before.  It was sad but something else as well.  Something that he couldn’t place.

“It’s pretty hot.  And they’ve really put a mouth on Yuuri here.  I mean, really.”

“Chris, don’t read it!”  Viktor was trying to snatch his phone back.

“I’m not done!”  He lifted the phone up into the air.  “Oh!  They really capture Yuuri’s flexibility too!  Damn, I wonder if that position is even possible in real life.”  Chris wiggled his eyebrows at Yuuri.  “Want to give it a try?”

“Chris!” And really Yuuri was used to this sort of outrageousness from Viktor and Chris at this point.

“Of course he doesn’t!”  Viktor crossed his arms over his chest.

“Ok, I found one.”  Chris must have moved on from whatever depravity he’d been reading.  “I scrolled further up and there’s a something called a slow burn where you and Yuuri are star-crossed lovers and royalty–”

This time it was Yuuri that looked over Chris’s shoulder.  “They warn for major character death.  So either Viktor or I die.  Actually both of us, probably. Sounds very Romeo and Juliet.”  He paused.  “Why are you only looking at things tagged with me and Viktor?”

Chris shrugged.  “That’s what was there when I hit the back key.”  So if you can sort by relationship, let’s look up a threesome!”  Chris messed around with Viktor’s phone.  

Viktor had gone terribly quiet and his cheeks had colored rose.  Yuuri was surprised his own face wasn’t tomato red, himself, but really, Viktor had brought this on himself.

“Ooh!  There’s a relationship called Three Musketeers all about us!  And the first fic that comes up is Explicit!”

Slytherin!Tom AU - Two

One // Three

“He went back to get the flower?” I shrugged, looking away bashfully. It had been three days since my last interaction with Tom, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I had seen him in classes and in the hallways, the cafeteria and even when we went down to Hogsmeade. He avoided me, and I could only assume it was because he knew that I knew he went back for the flower I’d given him and he thought I’d out him to his friends. But, truth be told, I liked being Tom’s secret pleasure – knowing that even though he deemed my House a joke, he still favored me.

“It’s not a big deal,” Beatrice and I walked into Honeydukes, trying to find something for Beatrice to send back to her mother for her birthday – her mother had quite the sweet tooth and being a Muggle, she insisted there was something sweeter in ‘wizard candy’. “Besides, Tom hasn’t even spoken to me. Maybe he just has a favorite flower.” Beatrice scoffed, sifting through the arrangement of Cauldron Cakes, looking for the best one.

“Slytherin’s and flowers? Highly unlikely, I’m more than positive it was less about the flower and more about who had left it there.” I ignored the blush rising from my neck and threatening to flood my entire face while I picked up some Sugar Quills for myself.

“Just because they’re Slytherin’s doesn’t mean they’re void of all feelings, Beatrice.” I put down the Sugar Quills and picked up a few Chocolate Wands instead. “And maybe he just picked it up as a joke – the whole lot of Slytherin might be laughing it up from it right about now.” I argued. “Have you found something for your mother?” I desperately tried to change the subject. “I still have to study for Flitwick’s Memory Charm quiz and I’m craving some Butterbeer.” I turned to face her, “So, can we go to Hog’s Head?” Beatrice looked up from the items in her arms and frowned at me.

“I’m sorry, I can’t. I have a – uh, a date.” My eyes widened. “Yeah, it’s no big deal… You know the Ravenclaw boy in my Creatures class I told you about? Ryan? He asked me to lunch and I promised I’d meet him.” I shrugged and lightly smiled.

“That’s fine, I suppose. But, just this once.” I winked at her, both of us laughing as we paid for our things. “So, when are you heading out?” She glanced at her watch and her eyes widened. “I guess you’d better leave now, before you’re late?” She nodded rapidly.

“Did you want to head back with me?” I shook my head.

“I’m gonna head over to Hog’s Head. I still have that craving, if I don’t satisfy it I’ll get a headache.” She smiled at me, leaning in to hug me. “When I get back to the room, I want full details, okay?” She stuck her hand out, prompting me to shake it.

“Deal. Have a Butterbeer for me!” I watched her receding figure until she was no longer in sight before heading the opposite direction toward Hog’s Head. It was very quiet in here, considering it was Sunday and most of the young wizards were all probably studying in the library back at Hogwarts. I sighed as I set down my things at an empty table after ordering the Butterbeer. I pulled out my notes from my sling bag and read through the charm. I repeated the word in my head: Obliviate. I nodded to myself before moving on to the hand motion. I lifted my index finger to imitate a wand and motioned it in a disoriented circle motion.

“Studying for Flitwick’s quiz?” I opened my eyes, not realizing I had closed them in concentration. I looked up from my notebook, seeing Tom standing in front of me with two Butterbeer’s in his hand. “I offered to bring yours to your table,” he placed one of the drinks in front of me on the table, “this seat taken?” He motioned to the seat across from me and I shook my head, gesturing for him to sit down.

Keep reading

Honestly the only reason I’m rooting for a Magnus Chase and Kane Chronicles crossover at this point is because Magnus is so deep in denial about his crush on Alex that it would be an absolute travesty to NOT have the gang end up in Egypt so Magnus can get chucked into the river and we as readers can get all those deNILE puns we’ve been waiting for.

molybdxnum  asked:

could you give any examples as to how low emotional intelligence manifests in a Fi-user versus a Fe-user? i'm fairly sure i'm an INXP (always questioning though lol), but i just have a generally poor EQ, and i'm not sure how you can tell which feeling function is affecting the way you process emotion. are there any distinctions? is one more likely to appear in high-EQ people than the other? xoxo

(Gif: Margaery Tyrell, Game of Thrones. ESFJ.)

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills:

  • emotional awareness
  • the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving
  • the ability to manage emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions and cheering up or calming down other people.

The important thing to remember is where the feeling functions draw their energy; Fe is focused outward, on eliciting emotions from others and bringing them to a sense of unity in shared feelings; Fi is focused inward and has a delayed reaction or needs time to internalize before it responds.

Let’s say you have lunch in a group, and a Fe-dom makes a strong remark that inflames the passions of someone else at the table. Fe-dom and Te-user have  an intense argument about it, much to the distress of everyone else at the table. Fe-dom takes no notice of everyone’s distress – to her, this is “fun” and she had a “good time” despite the general signs of anxiety from other feelers. Both she and the Te continue to argue passionately even when others ask them to stop and/or try to lighten the situation with jokes.

What do you do? What you do, how you handle it, indicates your own Fe or Fi.

The healthy and emotionally intelligent Fe will engage and try to “take charge” by bringing everyone to a place of agreement and diffusing the tension (”I know we can’t agree on this, but we can agree on THAT, right?”); the Fi might read how others are uncomfortable, and feel uncomfortable themselves, and withdraw from the situation (be quiet) or just get up and leave. The Fi might not realize how angry they are at Fe and Te for awhile, until they have had time to emotionally process what just happened. Fi’s are often blindsided by other’s visible emotions and unsure what to do about it.

Emotional intelligence in a Fi can make them superficially seem Fe, because they are tuned in to other people, aware of the feelings that come from certain situations, and invested in them having a pleasant time; that does not change the fact that their own feelings are impressionistic and hard to articulate (speak out loud; this is why Fi’s often express themselves through art or writing).

Emotional awareness:

  • Healthy Fi: I am focused on other people’s body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, so I get a sense of their overall mood; I am tuned in to whether I am boring them or talking about something they do not care about.
  • Unhealthy Fi (poor awareness): I am oblivious to everyone but myself, and neither notice nor care whether I offend others with my dress, speech, language, or conversational points. I talk about what I want, when I want.
  • Healthy Fe: I am tuned in to other’s feelings at all times, both through their obvious and non-obvious social cues, and try to steer the conversation to points of interest which will establish a relationship between us of trust.
  • Unhealthy Fe (poor awareness): I am open in expressing my feelings on a constant basis and never think about whether it is appropriate to share with this person or in a mixed group; I become frustrated when I encounter someone who is not as emotionally demonstrative as I am. What’s wrong with them?

Ability to harness / control emotions and use them in problem-solving

  • Healthy Fi: I let my strong feelings guide my decisions, which I make based on the emotional impact for everyone involved (is this what is emotionally best for the person I am with?). I am good at helping others direct their passions in positive ways and reminding others to focus on emotional health.
  • Unhealthy Fi (poor awareness): I let my emotions make all my decisions, irregardless of how it hurts others; I do not factor them into my life choices. They can just deal with me as I am. If I do not care, that is unimportant.
  • Healthy Fe: I have learned to control my intense emotions and choose which situations are appropriate for sharing my feelings. I am good with staying on topic with others, reassuring them, and helping them decide what to do, because I can detach from my personal judgments to be objective for them. I am an excellent motivator when my friends need me, and intend to follow through on my promise that they do not have to do this alone.
  • Unhealthy Fe (poor awareness): I have not learned to control my feelings; they direct every decision I make, and I lash out at others who do not understand or support my choices. I do not back off from my feelings, or think about them objectively, but instead try and manipulate others to support me, and become defensive when people challenge my beliefs. My emotional outbursts are frequent and sometimes I bait people just to get a reaction.

Regulate your own feelings

  • Healthy Fi: I recognize my emotions are normal. I’m allowed to have them. I take time to reflect on my outbursts, hurt feelings, or melodramatic responses and decide whether I took offense too easily or overreacted.
  • Unhealthy Fi (poor awareness): I overreact but never apologize for it. This is how I feel. Get over it. I have the same knee-jerk reactions and play the same emotional games that I did when I was six years old.
  • Healthy Fe: I know the entire world does not need my instant emotional responses or to agree with me, and instead choose to share them with people I trust. I no longer allow my first emotional response to something to be the ONLY response I have, since I have learned to step back and discuss my feelings.
  • Unhealthy Fe (poor awareness): I have frequent emotional outbursts, sometimes in inappropriate ways in the wrong places, but refuse to take responsibility for them or change to suit other people’s needs. I talk constantly about how I feel and try to elicit others to empathize with me or offer me support; when they do not, I lash out at them.

Cheering up or calming down other people

  • Healthy Fi: I have learned to step outside myself (what I would want or need in this situation) and help them in a way that is meaningful to them. I ask other Fe’s questions to help them talk through their feelings. I can sit in silence with another Fi, or propose something fun to do to help get them out of their funk. I have learned to manage my own feelings when an argument between others escalates so I can remain level-headed and talk them down.
  • Unhealthy Fi (poor awareness): What do other people have to do with me? If they want to blow up and act like a fool, that’s not my problem. They can call me when they’re fun again.
  • Healthy Fe: I encourage others to talk through their problems. I listen intently, give them frequent indications that I am hearing what they are saying and there for them. I then reassure them they are not alone, that they are strong, and that they can do this. When people get upset and need calmed down, I step into the situation and assert control by reminding others what we have in common, or telling them they don’t have to solve everything all on their own.
  • Unhealthy Fe (poor awareness): I maintain a peppy attitude and get annoyed when others insist on being Debbie downers. I resort to shame tactics instead of encouragement. I sometimes get just as mad as they do, instead of calming them down.

- ENFP Mod

Tricked Baby

I sleep in darkness
The earth tilting right
The sun shining on
Rain falling somewhere
And sea crashing rocks
Trees bending upwards
Oblivious me
Somehow trick myself
With waking stretching
I’m not a baby
Cradled in earth’s sling


ZoSan Fic Rec - One Piece

Finally (yes again), I’m doing the fic rec you’re all waiting for (esp you @sleepydrarry​, please stop harassing me lmao)

There will be a lot of Unda’s work on here but what can I say, I’ve fallen in love.

  • Vitriolic Best Buds - Unda : Or: why I shouldn’t read TV tropes late at night. Wanted to have a little fun with this trope that fits the boys to a T. Vague hostile romance if you squint a little or just a hostile bromance. Your choice. One shot. - Over protective Zoro and Sanji in a One Shot and so much cuteness, I can’t. Also Sanji and Zoro and not explicitly in a relationship but come on, everybody knows.
  • Memories - Stark_Black : Sanji has been in a coma for eleven months, but he’s lost his memory of the past two years. Now, he doesn’t remember Zoro, or the life the two of them had built together. - Apparently, in every fic rec that I do, I MUST have a fic with reserve. So here it is. The fic is great and the angst at the start is a KILLER but, I think it’s an old fic (like 2008), I mean, come on, there is BlackBerries and How To Save A Life. Also warning about some nearly sexist comments and not enough lube/prep.
  • The Roronoa Fruit - Stark_BlackTo Zoro’s surprise, Sanji takes a step towards friendship, using food as his cover. Now their new friendship is deepening fast and Sanji almost can’t keep up. - Oh, another one by Stark_Black ! Okay, I may have reserves about Memories but, The Roronoa Fruit is AWESOME. Just go read it, so much pining, I CAN’T. Kinda wish I could Obliviate myself and read it again.
  • The Not-So-Romatinc Tale of the Swordsman and the Cook - donutsandcoffee…as witnessed, told, and suffered through by the Bravest Warrior of the Sea, Usopp.Sanji loves Zoro. Zoro loves Sanji. They are also, somehow, obliviously, infuriatingly, in an unrequited love with each other.Usopp thinks he can do something about it. He really should have had more self-preservation instinct than that. - THIS ONE, this one, I died laughing in the floor. Luffy and his “It’s a Mystery Plan” and everybody is so on-character, I can’t even. It’s so awesome, and so funny and just go read it, mood-lift is assured.
  • Aural Pleasure - Unda : “It’d be almost funny if it weren’t so terrible, out of a whole sandy beach the directionally challenged Zoro manages to find the one rock to land head first on.” Zoro has to learn to talk again and in the process learns a bit about listening to Sanji. - OMG this one (yes I’m excited about every single fic on this rec, fight me). The angst in the fic is horribly good, I legit cried. 92k words and every single one of them is on point. It’s the fic that made me fall in love with Unda, All praise the ZoSan genius. Serisously, if there is only one fic to read in this rec, it’s this one. Also happy ending so… ;)
  • Once More With Feeling - Aviss : Sanji is given a second chance to set things right. And a third. And a fourth… - This one is the pure definition of angst. I cried A LOT. It’s super well-written and heart breaking and please, do read it.
  • Prison Blues - donutsandcoffee : Zoro gets lost, Sanji gets captured by the marines, the Strawhats break into the ship’s prison, and they all escape with a bang.Not exactly in that order, much to the confusion of Sanji’s cellmates. - 3rd person narrator, only one chapter, and incredibly funny. One of the first ZoSan fic I read and I also fell in love with the author.
  • Reactions - Unda : Sanji is happy to report that his food has never hurt anyone… until now. - Another Unda work, what can I say. This one is also awesome, and please go read it, I don’t even have the words to say how good it is. Just read it omg
  • go back to sleep - itsmylifekay : His skin tingles with an unfamiliar sensation and he shifts, mind becoming more alert as he takes in his surroundings and the strange, lingering warmth on his arm. If he concentrates hard enough, he can feel the fading shape of long fingers pressed into his skin.“Go back to sleep, stupid marimo,” he hears. Sanji is standing close by, pulling on the last of his clothes and straightening his tie. His voice is low in the softness of the early morning and Zoro grunts at the words. - This one is just fluff and pining and rainbow and unicorns. There’s a little of gore, I don’t remember it being bad but I’m not phased by it, so maybe you should be careful..
  • Fix Me - LunaStories : A story of despair, loss, and healing. An alternate scenario in which Sanji is the one who takes the damage from Kuma, rather than Zoro. Thriller Bark Arc.And even as there were shouts of horror around him, Zoro dashed to the blonde’s side, determined to give him a scolding (and then a beating after he healed) for the stupid stunt he had pulled.They all watched with varying degrees of surprise as Zoro reached Sanji, and with one tap on the shoulder…he fell. - OKAY SO. Everybody that knows me, know that I actually enjoy hurting myself and making myself cry to sleep and this fic goes into that category. Major Character Death, I’m warning you guys. But for the ones of you who have the same tastes as me, just go read it and enjoy. it’s fricking awesome and I keep reading it again and again, I can’t get enough of it.

Okay there’s already quite a lot of fics and I’m only half through my list of what I wanted to rec. So that’s means….. THERE’LL BE A 2ND PART (yes Em’, you’ll be able to harass me again, nice right ? lmao)

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed it and please don’t forget to leave kudos and comments to the authors ;)

Headcanon time
  • This most likely has been done before but yeah.
  • I just had this thought that Levi would probably be so annoyed when all the noble women would look all smitten at Erwin and being super unsubtle with their advances, and Levi would just stare them down. But he actually has nothing to worry about because while levi has been looking angry at these girls Erwin has been staring at him all lovey-dovey

for the second time, please excuse this crappy banner i dont have photoshop access atm :’( so I’ve reached 400?!?! lil ol me?!?!?! thank you guys so much for following me, I love and appreciate each and every single one of you <3 since I didn’t do anything for my 300 follower milestone, i’m going to try to make it up with this one :) blacklist #ganj celebrates 400 if you don’t wanna see this on your dash!


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(Sorry, this isn’t Newt. I just got an idea and wanted to try to write Queenie sooo)

You were sitting at dinner with Newt and the two Goldstein sisters. Newt and Tina were chatting about Tina’s work as an auror. You and Queenie were sitting in silence. You were trying not to sneak glances at her, because if you did, you would start thinking about how beautiful she was or how lovely that laugh of hers was. And you didn’t want her to read your mind and find out that you had feelings for her. Women can’t have feelings for women right?

But you did. You had fallen for Queenie Goldstein and you had scolded yourself repeatedly for it. “Why couldn’t Ijust have fallen for Newt or Jacob?” you would think to yourself. It would have been easier to deal with. If anyone ever found out about your feelings for Queenie, surely they would think that you were a freak.

So you kept it bottled up, and tried not to think about it. At least not when Queenie was around. Which was when it was hardest, because she sat there right in front of you, and smiled her angelic smile, and damn it you wanted to just fall into her arms and just stay there forever. But you couldn’t.

You knew what you had to do. It was the only way you could think of to deal with this.

You excused yourself from dinner and went into the guest room. You pulled out your wand and sighed. This is it. Just a simple spell and you would forget all about her.

You put the wand against the side of your head and was about to say the spell, when a knock came at the door. “Y/N, are you alright?” It was Newt. “Yeah” you called back. “Can I come in?” he asked. Well, the spell would have to wait then. You put your wand away. “Yeah” you said.

Newt entered the room and sat down on the bed next to you. “What’s wrong?” he asked. You bit your lip and looked at your lap. “It’s okay, you can tell me” he said. “Okay, but just don’t freak out, okay?” you asked. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but nodded. You took a deep breath. Alright, just get it out. “I’m in love with Queenie” you whispered. “Oh” Newt said, he hadn’t expected that. “Yeah” you said. “Well, are you planning on telling her?” he asked. Now you were the confused one. Why did he take it so lightly? “Well, of course not” you said. “Why not?” he asked. “I don’t want to freak her out!” you exclaim, standing up. “I don’t think you will” he said. “What were you doing in here anyway?” he asked. “I was…. going to obliviate myself” you said. “What? Y/N that’s absurd, why would you do that?” he asked. “Because it’s not exactly easy keeping something like this from a legilimens!” you said and sat down again. Newt gave you a hug and then he went out again.

You didn’t notice the door open and Queenie walking in, so you hadn’t concealed your thoughts, you just let them run, along with a few tears. “Why?” Queenie asked. “Why, what?” you asked startled, sitting up in the bed and quickly wiping your eyes. “Why would you want to forget me?” Queenie asked sadly.

“It’s easier that way” you said. “Sometimes, the easy way is not the right way” Queenie said and sat down next to you. “Newt told me” she said, when she read your mind. You were thinking about how she knew. “Oh” you said and looked away embarrased. “I’m sorry” you said. “Oh, honey don’t be” she said and flashed you one of her smiles. You couldn’t keep a smile of your own from breaking out on your own face.

She grabbed you chin and made you look at her. “I really like you too” she said and leaned into you, then hesitated. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” she asked. You nodded. Then she leaned forward and pressed her lips to yours. She reached up a hand and wiped the tears from your eyes. “Everything will be alright, honey” she said when you broke apart. You nodded and leaned your head on her shoulder.

After a while you ended up falling asleep. Queenie carefully pulled away, trying not to wake you. She laid you down on the pillow and tucked the duvet over you. She kissed your forehead. “Good night, love” she whispered and walked out.

INTP Cognitive Functions (in a nutshell):
  • Ti: If you think about it though, there's really no way to deny the existence of the supernatural. I honestly don't think it's a science vs. faith thing. I'd say to either believe or deny the supernatural would require at least some amount of faith. In fact, the only way you could probably put a complete lack of faith into this would be if you were to say, "I don't know, and I don't care" and be totally indifferent about it. The human brain is extremely infantile compared to the universe and there's probably tons of stuff we'll never even know because our brains simply lack the ability to comprehend them.
  • Ne: Aw man, isn't it cool to think about the avenue of possibilities though? Like, what would a spiritual realm even look like anyway? And if some kind of higher deity created our world, why would he (or she) stop there? I mean, there has to be other intelligent life out there in the universe. And there's no way we can really prove that alternate universes don't exist either. What if everything in life is like a mix of predetermined destiny and freewill, and every time we make a decision, new alternate worlds are created to compensate for the decisions we DIDN'T make? Heck, what if human ideas all exist in some literal form somewhere? I know it's rather abstract, but literally anything within the scope of the unknown is possible.
  • Si: Hey, guys? Can we think about this later? I just stumbled across this old television series from our childhood and someone uploaded all the episodes to Youtube. I'm kind of in the mood tonight to just consume an unhealthy amount of caffeine and go on a huge nostalgia binge.
  • Fe: No. NO! We can't do that tonight. Remember that old friend who stopped being our friend a while ago? Well HE MESSAGED US AGAIN. He still thinks we hate him! Oh my god. OH MY GOD. He's right though. Sometimes we do act really aloof and keep to ourselves too much. Is that okay? Is it okay to seclude ourselves like this for too long? Oh man, no. NO. We're hurting everyone we care about. This is not okay! We have to let everyone know we still care about them! Quick, what do you say when you want to tell someone you care about them but you want to sound genuine? We can't mess this up again! WE CAN'T. I don't know what to say to console this person AND I'M KIND OF FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW.

hello its me ignore crappy 2-min banner thanks hey guys!! guess what?? ive reached (over) 100 followers!!! thank you guys so much for following me, i love you all so much! 🖤 anyways, to celebrate, im doing name aesthetics and a birthday page! if you don’t want to see this all over your dash, you can blacklist #ganj celebrates 100


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    囀る鳥は羽ばたかない 13
    囀る鳥は羽ばたかない 13

    the first time I heard this, his enraged yet wretched voice send a shiver down my spine, and made my heart ache “wow, so this is how much he felt about Doumeki’s rejection?”;  I needed to stop and reflect for moments…


    why is he pleading me to stop him while being the one refusing me in the first place?!

    aren’t you the one who put a distance between us, Doumeki?

    you clearly didn’t want that form of skinship we had, so why are you touching me now?

    ahhhh of course…

    you actually don’t want to but because you feel responsible and obligated to, right?

    you aren’t looking at me…

    you won’t even touch my hair, Doumeki… 

    ……so you insist on keeping our relationship as boss/subordinate huh?


    I won’t allow it……

    I’ll touch you.

    and make you touch me.

    I’ll look at you.

    and make you look at me.

    I’ll smoothly eliminate any barrier, and keep you intimately close.

    But of course I don’t realize I’m doing it, I don’t realize why I’m doing it, I’m just subconsciously monologuing; our creator loves to provoke her readers to put themselves in my shoes in order to figure out the reasons behind my actions which I myself am oblivious to, then dem poor fans go to Tumblr to share their new discoveries/analysis/hypothesis/predictions, having to debate weather it’s accurate or not, and getting all the more obsessed with me and this guy who’s I’m in love with but again oblivious to it


    after I finished hearing the Drama CD my perspective of Yashiro expanded, he’s more complex than I originally presumed. his shifting between passive/active characters and quick adaptation to either role is brilliant, but that composure could’t withstand the forceful coming of that ignited “heavy tank” and is starting to break.


    cool, now I’ve to wait for two months for a new chapter that might not even get a release.

    how uncertainty swings through your being, and how everything boils down to a blurry skyline at night. i could say, a thousand times that i am tired of feeling, but what am i without it; the hunger that feeds me couldn’t be rotten, it was the fruit. it was the fruit, and i am better for it, in all my pain. how he says that its made me stronger, and how i smile a little. i call myself lioness- to feel like her but i am scared. i am scared of everything as the world rushes, edge after edge, and i am afraid to fall. he asks what i’m afraid of, and i say everything. he smiles, and i smile holding the answer that we both know to be true. i close my eyes, caught in ostrich feather blankets- letting myself be oblivious to the world, while i hurt myself slowly through mirrors / or my body / or my words, and their worth- asking the sky. asking the earth, what they mean, and how i’m supposed to live with it. with a core that’s so accustom to hating / hurting itself, how does survival look from the top of a building [?] when you’re as high as you can be, looking down at the lights- how he calls [you] them beautiful. and how you only feel giddy. how everything feels giddy. how you are happy;

                                               what does it mean ?

    Care Giver Pt. 13 by YBlack & Dscurve

     @dscurve gotta give em what they want.


        Our sexual energy just totally took over my soul! My inner freak was out and I couldn’t put her back in the box! I knew Paul usually worked nights and would be leaving soon so I stood up and pulled down my tight little number, adjusted my fishnet stockings….amazing Kelvin didn’t rip them! “Wait…. Seriously? Where are you going?” He asked, I loved keeping him guessing. I got the feeling he wanted a threesome with me and Marissa but shit had gone too far left now. Though women weren’t my thing, Paul’s hot squeeze had me curious. “Just chill go pee or something.” I walked away as Kelvin laughed.  I headed straight for the door opening it just a crack. My instincts were on point as Paul walked out onto the walkway, the mysterious woman grabbed his arm; she was still naked as the outside lights glowed down, her light brown skin glistened! I wasn’t sure if she had baby oil on or if it was sweat but my pussy started pulsing. “C’mon baby really? You were supposed to be off! All about me tonight remember?”  Paul stepped away from her kiss and started walking backwards from her, “Look Helen I gotta work, I’ll make it up to you…. I’m sorry.” Helen looked at him hurt and upset as she folded her arms her large D cup breasts spilled over as she turned watching him. My eyes traveled down her tatted waist line but I couldn’t make out the words, yet I could clearly see her beautiful smooth pussy! “Damn…” I said to myself oblivious to Kelvin as he creeped up behind me. “Well then maybe I should get the rest of my birthday present from next door!” Helen yelled. I smiled as Paul spun around quick. “Helen don’t fuck wit me! Kelvin my boy but I will seriously fuck both of you up! Now get the fuck inside!” He walked briskly to his car, got inside and slammed the door hard, 2 seconds later he was peeling out the parking spot and out the complex. I laughed jumping sky high when Kelvin spoke literally inches from ear. “Damn she’s fucking fine, can’t believe Paul left her hanging like that I would’ve called in sick!” He slaps me on the ass as he walks toward the bathroom. I open the door just as Helen is turning around to go back inside. My heart is racing with every click of my heels on the pavement! I could get a big shutdown but I was taking the risk. “Helen is it?” I say seductively. As the wind blows I part my legs, pulling my dress hem up exposing just a tad bit more thigh. She turns around and her deep brown eyes light up. She looks me up and down and puts her hands on her hips. Her D cups sit up high beckoning me. “My… boyfriend wants a threesome….I’m not that into girls but you’re stunning… would you mind if we…. Play around?” She smiles reaching for the door knob I can’t help looking at her breasts as she says “Sure just a minute”. I watch her ass as it jiggles with each step making me think about PinkyX! Her beautiful brown tresses swing behind her as she disappears down a hallway. I look around the parking lot, too scared to go inside. Nobody is in sight, I start to lose my nerve but she returns…. With a strap on harness and thick brown dick attached! “O shit!” I say surprised, “Kelvin’s not gonna let you fuck him with that!” She laughs, sashaying her hips as she walks toward me pulling the door close. I hold my breath nervous of her touch as she presses her breasts against mine. “This is for you.” She says and I raise an eyebrow as she walks past me and enters Kelvin’s house.

        Kelvin is still in the bathroom so I take Helen’s hand leading her to the bedroom. She places the strap on next to the bed on the nightstand as I lie on the bed. She joins me wasting no time as we begin kissing and groping each other! Her lips are so soft as she sucks mine, sliding her tongue in and out of mouth making my pussy grew wetter!  She slides her slender fingers between my thighs and startled she releases my mouth. “Damn you’re fucking wet already!” she kisses down my neck and pulls my dress up. I sit up as she lifts it above my head exposing my fishnet body stocking. “Damn you are wearing the hell out of this!” I smile as I lie back down and watch as her soft lips encase my left nipple as she continues fingering my pussy. I close my eyes grinding on her hand as she sucks on my breasts. “Damn that feels…. So good…” If this was an attempt to convert me; shit it was working! I didn’t even hear Kelvin enter the room as he quietly took a seat; he sat naked in a chair, stroking his dick as he watched. Helen kisses across my body to my other breast and moans on my nipple as she slips two fingers inside me. “Shit….” I moan slapping her beautiful wide ass. Kelvin’s got a good seat as I slip my hand between her thighs and begin rubbing her smooth pussy; she pushes her ass high in the air giving her a clear view! Suddenly Helen maneuvers into a 69 position, her pussy is now my face as she buries hers between my legs! I’m a little scared but I just go with the flow as her thick thighs encase my head, I slide my tongue up and down her pussy lips. I moan when she moans into my pussy and quickly catch on copying her every move with my tongue! “Fuck” I hear Kelvin say and I smile as I slide my tongue inside her palming her ass. Helen slides her tongue in deep and I break away from her pussy moaning as I begin grinding on her face. “Aaaaahhhh…. Aaaaaaaah….” Her tongue is thrusting so fast I begin to shake but I want her to cum with me! I concentrate on her pussy and do the same to her as she stops to moan, her body flinches in my grasp as she bounces her pussy on my tongue. “O fuck… you gotta long tongue! O fuck! Fuck!” before I know it she’s shaking and her thighs are squeezing my head as I taste her sweet pussy cream. “FUCK!” She yells as I suck on her clit, her cream coats my nose as she ass jiggles from another orgasm. She rolls off me sitting up on her elbows. “You’re gonna fucking pay for that.” I smile as she points to the strap on next to the bed. “Give it to me.” I look at Kelvin, his dick is high in the air as he stands and passes the strap on to her. He sits on the edge of the bed, back against the bed post, legs open as he strokes his dick; Helen puts the strap on around her waist and pulls me roughly to her, thrusting the cold silicone dick inside me! “FUCK!” I exclaim as she pounds the thick tool inside me, every few seconds she rolls her hips in a circle, strokes balls deep slowly then pounds furiously again. “Goddamn…” Kelvin says as he watches. I’ve never been fucked like this and it was turning me on! I squeezed her ass as her soft breasts rubbed against me, I sucked on her nipples as best I could as her hands gripped the sheets tight on either side on my head. I couldn’t fight back my orgasm any longer as she fucked me in this rhythm! “Fuck Helen!” I say looking into her eyes I plea for mercy as my pussy grips the dick tight! “Please… Please!” I yell and Kelvin gets up abruptly and next thing I know he is standing above my head, ass against the headboard, his dick in Helen’s face! She smiles up at him and takes his dick deep into her mouth as she plants her hands on my breasts and continues rocking her hips. “Damn! Fuck!” Kelvin moans holding her head with one hand as she slobbers  all over his dick, her spit trickles down his balls onto my chin and neck! “Aaaaah… Aaaaahh… Oooooooo…. O fuck!” I moan squirming as she furiously pounds my pussy and sucks Kelvin’s dick. “AAAAAAAHHHHH!” Kelvin moans as Helen rolls her neck, I swear I could see his dick print in her throat as he thrusts faster, both hands on her head, she never gags!  Just taking his dick like it was nothing! “FUCK!” he yells and I cum right along with him as her lips remained suctioned around his dick she swallows his cum! For a few seconds his dick stays in her mouth until he slowly pulls out almost collapsing on my face! He makes his way to the other side of us, lying down panting; she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, her nose and face flustered red as she takes big gulps of air. Slowly she withdraws from my pussy. She removes the harness and tosses it onto the floor and slides herself between my thighs. Our scissor legs sway as she begins rubbing her pussy against mine! “OOOOO FFUUCCCK!” Kelvin and I say at the same time as I lie back on the bed gripping the sheets, I match her music. I can’t believe the sensations running through my pussy! “AAAAAAHHH!” I yell as my clit rubs against her I look over and see Kelvin on his knees stroking his dick. His eyes glued on our pussies as our wet lips grind hard I can feel the flood cumming as she screams with me! “OOOOOOOOOOO!” The bed quakes beneath us as our bodies bounce against the springs. I fall weak against the sheets taking a few minutes to recover. I suddenly have the urge to pee and I jump up and run to the bathroom just in time! As I sit on the toilet I can hear Helen moaning and I know Kelvin is getting his fix!


    Lord knows these women were both fine as hell. And watching Helen give Janay that work got me up, and off, and back up again. Helen’s throat was nothing but the truth as well. She had me lodged all down by her tonsils. That alone had me ready to bust, but you throw the vibrations of her moans in with the coos of Janay. I was cooked, and well done at that. I came viciously in Helen’s mouth. This shit was amazing! As I was coming down I got to watch them bump coochies. I’d seen it in flicks before, but it looked to be way more intense in person. The imagery I don’t think fully let me deflate, I was so aroused. Janay made a run to the bathroom after having cum down from yet another orgasm. Shit was too real. That left me and Helen in the bed. Those same predator eyes from the balcony stared into mine. I was eager as she started crawling over to me, then mounted me. Her heavy titties smothered me as she leaned forward to line up my dick and her hole. I didn’t mind one bit, just found a nipple and got to suckling. A deep moan absconded her mouth, when I became fully seethed in her pussy. Her breast popped from my mouth as she found a steady rhythm to bounce to. I was all in to it, didn’t even hear Janay slip back in the room. I felt body heat, which forced me to open my eyes. There was a whole pussy right before my eyes. Reaching I pulled Janay’s pretty twat right on to my full lips. I was essentially eating and beating at the same time! I was so glad I had gotten that first nut out the way. I wanted to enjoy both these pussy for a minute. Four hands were plastered on my chest. Somehow I still had time to ponder if they were kissing, you know both being face to face on me and all. That thought alone was enough to make me spill over. I heard a big squeal but couldn’t tell who it came from though the movement on my dick.  “Oh shit” I heard Janay say. Split second later I felt some wetness to my chest and belly. Janay lifted from my mouth completely drenched in Helen’s juice.  I could only laugh, just that fast I had forgot Helen was water works. There was no shame in her game either. I had an idea to get her ass back though. I stood to my feet and leaned over into Nay’s ear. She grinned and slyly made her way to the strap-on. I distracted Helen by grabbing her ass and caressing her, then putting her on the bed on all fours. I continued to massage that awesome ass of hers. Meanwhile Nay Bae had crept behind me and was putting the final touches on the harness. “We about to fuck the shit outta you.” I slapped the same ass I was just stroking. Helen moaned and Janay slid under our prey’s open legs. I reached into my little night stand and grabbed my lube.  I squirted a glob in my hand and greased my meat stepping up on to the bed. I took the excess from my hand and greased her ass hole. Janay was already digging deep in that pussy. I lined up and pressed the head past her tight sphincter. I paused letting her get accustomed to the feel of the sensation of Nay’s stroke through the thin lining between Helen’s ass and pussy. I slowly picked up my rhythm to match Nay beneath me. Helen was moaning uncontrollably in sheer pleasure! Between pauses of her whimpers I could hear the gushing of her pussy on the dildo. We pounded that ass and pussy for about ten solid minutes before my balls tightened and I was ready to erupt again. I shot my shit all up her back before collapsing aside them. Helen did the same atop Janay. Janay looked at me with the most satisfied grin upon her face. “You know you sleeping in the wet spot right?” I said smugly. She rolled her eyes at me and said “whatever.”

    We lay there all gassed for about thirty minutes before I got to haul Helen back over to Paul’s place. “Thanks for coming through and gracing us with your superb skill set.” I was truly gracious to have had that experience. But there was much yet ahead to discuss. Helen said the pleasure all hers. I walked her back to the door, I could feel it in the air that this rendezvous would be more than tonight. Paul was cool but I knew she wasn’t happy there. To be honest if he was in my shoes he would have done the same shit. I made it back to the bed Nay was stretched out and she patted the bed. I laid next to her and pulled her in close to me. We lay there in silence for a few minutes.

    “You sleep?” I inquired as I rubbed her thigh.

    “No, what’s up?” her hand was on my chest.

    “What we doing lady? Like it’s been a real roller coaster. Just a few days ago I could barely face you and now look where we are.”

    “Kelvin I want you, I want this. I’ve been miserable to be honest.”

    “It’s been rough for me too lady. I’ve been missing you like crazy lady. And when you said open the door I was completely shocked! I was ready to talk yet, we did things. Not only that but we did some over the top shit that I would have never imagined. I just want to be sure we on the same page.”

    “I get you 100%. This whole night is out of a valley porn scene or something. But Kel, I want there to be an “us”. I feel safe with you, you are my protector and I the same for you. It’s like we are each other’s very own care giver. The spontaneity of tonight was amazing and I’d like that to be something we explore. But this, this is where it’s at.”

    “Well let’s make this thing everything it should have been and then some, this time around.” We kissed deeply, then cuddled til we both nodded off. We slept well until I was awaken by a knock at the door. I threw my shorts back on and headed to see what was up. I peeked out the peep hole to see a fidgety Paul. I took a deep ass breath before turning the lock. “What’s good” I said bleakly.  He went into this whole spill of how great it was last night to be fucking and watching us fuck and shit. The whole while I was thinking about DPing his chick and being balls deep in her juicy ass. I brushed his ass off and got back in bed. “Who was that?” Janay quizzed.


    I HAVE been warned, instructed
    no flowers are to be plucked,
    no fruits are to be picked,
    no lovers’ rendezvous is to open the gate and enter,
    no plait of hair is to be adorned,
    no hunger satisfied.

    I am helpless,
    strong with the strength of others.
    I open the gate with care,
    close it with care,
    make my rounds in the garden and return
    when the sun returns to its blood.
    Swallowing a heavy dose of harsh obligation
    I go to sleep.
    It will be late, very late
    before I am freed.

    There is no freedom even in sleep.
    Now a hand throws a stone and then
    a rustle in the dry leaves
    reaches my ears from the Nairuta.
    Now in the Aisanya 
    face like the face of a fairy
    flares up and fades into the dark,
    and then the pressures of the cold wind
    surround my neck.
    I could never learn
    the skill of taming them.

    I have no friends, relatives, family.
    The skills of keeping alive
    are provided to me
    in the faint sounds made by trees
    as they grow, blossom, bear fruit—
    sounds quite capable
    of resisting wind and rain
    that threaten to throw them out.

    My friends are only those
    who floated ahead of or behind me
    in the sea of the dark.
    I don’t know how many they are.
    I’ve heard they are three.
    Often I feel I am one of them.
    If ever a strange planet leads me by the nose
    and I become oblivious of myself,
    they too are not there.
    These days, however,
    I hardly can forget I am,

    for the spring here is eternal
    leaves, flowers, fruits eternal
    the hum of bees eternal
    the robust dream of blood eternal
    the upward climb of flesh eternal
    ecstatic movement of bones eternal.
    For, in this garden,
    I’ve buried my dead friends. 

    The other lives
    in the village beyond the kia bushes.
    worldly-wise, proud of a host of sons and grandsons.
    Only a gunblast can send him to sleep.
    Playing my flute all afternoon through,
    I have been waiting for his arrival.
    Will he ever come, but why?
    Can we once again float
    in the sea beyond our circle,
    beyond our identities?

    —  Soubhagya Kumar Misra – “Udyanarakshakara Gita (The Garden-keeper’s Song)”

    The secrets out … I am MONSTA X’S 8th member HAHAHAHA.

    OKAY LET ME EXPLAIN BEFORE I GO TO WORK. I was walking beside Wonho, right after I had gotten a hello from him, I had asked him how he was liking LA (obviously he didn’t answer verbally, he probably panicked and was like oH MY GOD ENGLISH) and then everyone came to a stop. The manager was in my path so I figured like oh, he’s just checking in on Wonho… I DIDN’T KNOW THAT I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A GROUP HUDDLE HEADCOUNT.