Shocked, you looked at his face and whispered. “W-What?”
Running his fingers trough his hair with a loud huff, he looked into your widely opened eyes. “I love you, Y/N!”
In that moment, you felt like a knife has been stabbed into your chest.
Not averting your eyes, you observed his face. The person you once called your best friend, the person you trusted the most was standing in front of you, telling you that he was in love you.
But why couldn’t you believe him?
Chuckling sarcastically, you yanked your hand away from his strong grip and shoved him away, the anger engulfing your whole body. “Is this another one of your games?! Is this part of the bet?! ‘Tell the ugly duckling that you love her’. Am I really that worthless to you, Taehyung?!”
You watched how Taehyung’s face turned from angry to hurt the moment you stopped talking. The sadness in his eyes made you feel sick in the stomach, the pain in your heart making you look away immediately.
“Do you really think I’m lying, Y/N?” You heard Taehyung whisper with a broken voice.
Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes, trying to hide the newly formed tears. “Do you really think I can believe you after you hurt me like that, Taehyung?”
“I’ve been in love with you for the past five years, Y/N! Do you know how hard it was for me to love you form afar?! Do you know how much it broke my to see you with other guys?!”
“Then why did you do this to me, Taehyung?! Why did you play with me like this?! Why did you break my hea-”
“Because you broke my heart too! I wanted to hurt you too, Y/N! I wanted to hurt you and then forget you forever! But I couldn’t! I can’t! Not when I’m still in love with you..”
“You know, I would die for the sake of you looking at me the way you looked at that boy today.. The way you held his hand.. The way you placed a little kiss into his palm.. I would die for you, Y/N, why can’t you see that?”
His shaky voice made you realize that he too, was crying. But you had to do it. It was now or never..
Taking a few steps closer, you slowly placed your hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eyes.
Trying the ignore his begging glance, you averted your eyes down to his lips. Taking a deep breath, you mumbled. “Close your eyes..”
Obeying to your words, he closed them immediately, his begging glance now being replaced by a hopeful one.
Removing your hands from his arms, you wrapped your arms around his neck, your lips only a few inches away from his soft ones.
“I’m sorry, but I won’t fall for your stupid games anymore, Taehyung-ah..”
“Jimin! We’re going to be late” you shouted from your bedroom. This is the one free day you had alone with Jimin until he goes back on tour. But it was already called short when he had been called in for last-minute meeting and practice. So all you had left was a few measly hours at dinner that you had planned for Jimin with a couple of your close friends before he’s off again.
You kinda wished that you didn’t plan this whole thing. If you had known that this would be the only time you’d have with him before he left, you would’ve never planned this dinner. But it was too late to cancel it. You wanted to get it over as soon as possible, so you could just come home and be alone with Jimin.
“Babe we don’t have to be there for another 20 minutes,” Jimin said as he walked into your shared bedroom. His eyes were glued to his phone, as he was trying to reply back to all the farewell and good luck wishes.
When he finally looked up from his phone, he saw you bent over trying to find the perfect shoes to go with your outfit. He cocked his head to the side and licked his lips at the sight.
You wore one of his favorite outfits on you. A simple tight black dress, that hugged your curves so well. But his favorite part of the dress was the way it rode up when you bent over. Revealing just a tiny bit of skin from your bottom.
You started mumbling something about how you wanted to get the dinner over as fast as you could. And something about being early. But honestly, he wasn’t even paying attention. All he could think about is you. His girlfriend that he wasn’t going to be able to see in months, bent over with her ass sticking out just begging to be fucked.
As you stood up straight, Jimin wrapped his arms around you. Pulling you in so that your back was pushed up against his chest. His head fell to the crook of your neck. Instantly inhaling your perfume, before pressing a wet kiss onto your skin.
“Baby, you look so fucking beautiful” he murmured into your skin. Squeezing you tighter against him.
“Jimin-” you whined as you tried to pull away from his grip. You’d be lying if you said his words didn’t send a shiver right to your core. But you didn’t have time for that. You should be already in the cab right about now, heading to the restaurant. “We have to go Jimin.” You said trying to make your voice sound firm.
“Jagi, we have time,” he said as he continued to kiss and lightly suck on your neck.
M = Motivation(What
turns them on, gets them going): Well, that’s the thing, Zach can get
turned on by almost everything, really. Like the way you’re biting your pen
while looking at him, scratching his scalp during a small kiss or even just
watching you train with the girls or even looking at you and finding you
specially sexy that day. But his biggest, ever, turn on is when you’re sucking
on his skin, just down his jawline, while gently scratching your fingernails
on his nape. The boy loses his shit,
a complete silence and embarrassed mess from being with the biggest boner in
the middle of the bleachers during gym class or in the cafeteria.
still recovering from an ankle problem, acquired during the cheerleaders’
workouts, so that you were restricted in performing physical activities and
released from PE class. Today was one of those days where the Coach was letting
everyone be lazy, with only four groups taking turns playing volleyball. The
rest of the students were either climbing the ropes in some sort of ridiculous
competition or waiting their turn while walking around the gym. So it was in
the bleachers you stood, calmly waiting for the end of the class, laying on your
stomach with your backpack serving as a pillow. You were almost dozing off when
someone decided to play in the bleachers, making the wood tremble. You were
prepared to send the person to hell when someone leaned over you, soft and warm
lips pressing into yours. You opened your eyes, shocked, until you relaxed with
the familiar sight of your boyfriend’s dark, warm eyes.
“Zach! You frightened me.” - You argued, pushing him lightly. He sent you
one of those sweet smiles so characteristic of him in return. Moving to place a
kiss on your cheek before sitting on your side.
"Because? I just gave you a kiss.”- He shrugged as he sat on the
“Exactly. Someone kissed me by surprise and I have a boyfriend.” - You tried to cast a disapproving look at him,
but he had such a cute expression that you ended up smiling at him. His eyes
seemed to burn for a second.
one would dare steal a kiss from you. I would fight their asses. ”- Zach
was a Big Guy, completely capable of actually doing some real damage in a
fight, with all those muscles that being an athlete since he was a child had
assured him, but the possibility of this happening was laughable in a way that
even the way he spoke the words was funny. But you did not say anything, just
sent another smile at him as you rose from the stands to sit beside him,
standing with one leg on each side of him, and placed your head on his shoulder,
giving a small kiss to the warm skin discovered by the sleeveless shirt and
then leaning back at his side comfortably, her legs lovingly embracing his
sure you would, babe. Don’t worry.”
But then Zach’s body was really hot, in that way that
made cling to him in one hug one of the most delicious things and soon your
arms came to wrap around his trunk, but giving up when you realized he was too
big and you would be uncomfortable, setting by just closing your hands on his
shirt. He gave a little laugh at the way you had wrapped around him, turning
his face to kiss your forehead. You smiled and looked at him, quickly struck by
the urge to kiss him.
- “You’re staring at my mouth.” - He
accused, drawing your foreheads together to force you to look deeply into his
eyes. There was a convinced smile on his lips and although the look on Zach’s
face was carefree and confident, there was a nice blush tingling his cheeks.
- “Am I?” - You breathed, feigning ignorance
though your eyes drifted to his delicious lips again. He smiled and you watched
his lips part in that delicious smile, a line of perfectly white teeth
appearing and suddenly you were thinking of wrong
things. You smiled back, and then leaned up to kiss him, and though you had
planned a chaste and caressing kiss, somehow your tongue traced his lower lip
and you got lost in Zach’s mouth when he granted you passage.
to blame the Gym and its structure or whatever, but it was Zach who had begun
to make you hot. Your hands automatically clenched into fists on his shirt, and
the hand in front of his body began to lightly trace his abs over his shirt,
innocently but appreciatively.
whistled from the court and you also heard some giggles approaching. You broke
the kiss, annoyed, watching Justin on the edge of the court, hands around his
mouth in encouraging shouts to Zach, while Jessica and Sherri were approaching.
By your side, you felt Zach tightening up and quickly arranging something that
you did not pay attention because you were busy flipping your friends. The Coach
shouted at Justin and sent him back to the court and he rolled his eyes before
seem to be healing well, Y/N.” - Jessica mocked, Sherri agreeing with her, while
both sat on the bench below where you and Zach were, Sherri patting Zach’s back
- “I’m glad to see that Zach is taking good
care of you.”
was, and then you decided to interrupt my treatment.” - You joked,
frowning at them. Jessica just shrugged and Sherri laughed.
were surpassing the acceptable level of PDA in physical education. Soon I and
Justin would had to make out or you would steal our Liberty High It Couple title.”
yours.” - You spoke and raised your hands in mock surrender, but rolled
your eyes to show that you did not give a shit about it. Beside you, Zach
shifted, moving away from you.
are you ok?”
“S-sure. I… I need to go, hm,
my group is next.” – He was fidgeting, but you didn’t read much into it.
okay, babe. See you at lunch.”
– He barely answered it while getting up. As Zach got up and practically jumped
the rest of the stands, you and your friends looked at each other.
it me or was he weird?” - Jessica and Sherri just shrugged, and started
talking about the adaptations in the new routine to keep you from getting hurt
again in any of the jumps.
passed quietly and you did not have any more classes with your boyfriend, so
you really only saw him when you entered the Cafeteria. It even had been funny,
because even in the hallways you had not found him. Your friends only commented
that they had seen him rushing to the next class. You knew he had biology today
at some point, so you just shrugged
thinking he was reviewing. You were probably very lost in your thoughts,
because while waiting in line to buy your lunch, Monty thought it necessary to
shout your name and wave so you finally looked at their table.
Monty, I’m coming.” - You said as you approached the table, putting the
tray in front of Zach and bending down to give a kiss to his lips. He looked
surprised, because his body trembled slightly and he was turning red from
nowhere. You smiled at him, nudging his shoulder in teasing as you sat down.
I’m not the only one who’s gonna hear that today.” - Monty joked, casting
a suggestive glance at the two of you as you sat down at the table. You just told
him to fuck off and Zach resumed to show his middle finger to him.
laughed and started talking to Justin, you took the opportunity to discreetly
lean on Zach, your nose nudging his arm covered by a sweatshirt to get his
attention. He gave you a wary look, but there was a smile on the corner of his
lips. You tried to hold back the smile that threatened to burst through your
face, but the way Zach looked at you had always warmed you up and wanting to
approach him. So you took the opportunity to sneak your hand around his arm and
murmur a “come here.” He bent down and you stole a small kiss on his
lips again. You could keep track of how his blush spread quickly across his
beautiful face, only getting worse when Monty started whistling and pointing at
them. You sent him to hell again and then put one of your hands in your
boyfriend’s hair, so as to pull it and hide your face in the curve of his neck.
But then as
the teasing died and the boys started to focus on other things, the way you had
taken in that position looked wonderfully comfortable, especially with the
delicious scent of his flooding your senses and his warm skin so close to your
lips… You started stroking it with the tip of your nose. You felt the way he
trembled slightly and it only encouraged you to lightly rest your lips on the
skin of his neck. Zach literally froze and you let out a giggle before landing
three more kisses and then cast a small glance around, checking that no one was
paying attention to you and risking a little hickey just below his jawline.
called Zach and you watched as he literally stuttered an answer to whatever the
question they asked. A small laugh came and you pulled away from him in a
disguise. Luckily, the bell rang. You started to get up and straightened your
backpack while everyone began to do the same.
you’re coming?” - Sherri asked, already close to the exit.
- “Sure. One
moment.” -You waved as you turned to see
where Zach was. But he had not even got off the bench yet. In fact, he was not
even looking up, just stared very hard at the table.
I’ll see you at class. Have to talk to Zach.” - Her friend just nodded and
continued on. You approached your boyfriend, realizing now how red he was.
babe. Something wrong?”
- He hissed between clenched teeth, casting a nasty glare at you.
- “I did
- “Oh, yes. You know what you did.”
- “I don’t.
What’s going on Zach?” - You were really surprised. You tried to review the
events that had happened during the day to find out what you could have done to
make him be like that. Probably foreseeing you were imagining too much, he
sighed and reached for your hand. Then he pulled you on his lap and the bulge
pressing on your ass made the whole situation a lot clearer.
You waited a
few seconds, feeling like a deep blush was spreading across your face, and, at
the same time, you had to contain with all your strength the smile that wanted
to radiate on your face. Your chest seemed to swell, your skin immediately hot,
the mere thought of getting Zach excited so easy made you feel like a goddess.
God. Did I…?” - You risked, trying to control the happiness and surprise in
- “Yes.” - He
hissed again, a judgmental look and in equal parts hot and angry. You could not even
be embarrassed by how satisfied you were to be able to leave him that way with
almost no effort.
- “Oh babe,
I’m so sorry.” - You forced yourself to say, a small laugh restrained in your
lips. He narrowed his eyes at you, pushing your waist so that you rose from his
lap and did not make things worse, which you followed.
you’re not. You’re fucking proud of yourself.“ - He knew her too well not
to know that. You let out the laughter you were holding, then bent to murmur
close to his lips, an expression that had every intention of provoking him.
- “Ok… I
am. Does this make me a bad girl?” - You murmured, your gaze running over his lips before looking him in the
- “Oh my
god, you’re not helping.” - He
grunted, his tone warm and hard, mingled with clear frustration. You laughed
and pulled away from him, beginning to walk backwards toward the door.
- “So… see
you after class?” - You said as you walked away, your hand moving your hair in
what you believed to be sexy.
you bet your pretty ass you’ll see me
after class.” - She winked at him then, adding a more pronounced swag on her hips as
she turned his back to him. You almost swore he had grunted again and your
smile could tear your cheeks of so satisfied.
Guys have the tendency to believe that girls can’t engage in sexual relationships without catching feelings of some sort. Classic guy thinking. All you wanted was to feel good tonight. Isaac has been hitting on you all throughout the game and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t turned on when he nibbled on your ear and whispered the most foul things that no one would ever think to come from a cute-scarf-wearing kid who’s practically nice to everyone. Just remembering sitting on his lap…You shifted your legs to try and get rid of the ache between them.
Isaac blew out a puff of smoke, sitting on a comfy chair out on a balcony. Time seemed to slow down just enough to still the particles in the air. The slide door behind Isaac slid open then closed. Isaac looked at you and smiled. Instead of sitting you just leaned against the glass and stared at him. “What?” Isaac held the joint in between his fingers. You took off your shoes and walked over to him. Just as Isaac was going to bring the joint to his lips, you straddled his hips and grabbed it from his fingers, inhaled the smoke, and blew it out in his face.
The simple gesture triggered something inside Isaac. His eyes darkened with lust as he licked his lips. You did it again but this time you wrapped your arms around his neck and held the smoke as you connected your lips to his. The fiery smoke could be tasted in the intimate exchange. Isaac ran his hand down your back to grasp your ass in his large hands, giving them a little squeeze and making you gasp in the middle of the kiss. Your surprise gave Isaac the chance to slip his tongue into your mouth, beginning a tango with your tongue. Things began to heat up as you tangle your free hand into his hair, using your weight to grind on him, back and forth, until he let out a sexy, deep moan from the back of his throat. He used his thumbs to hook them into your hips then pushed you down so you could feel how much you were turning him on.
Isaac dived for your neck, leaving behind marks, enjoying every second of you purring against him. He helped you take off your shirt and immediately latched onto a nipple once it was exposed. At this point, you dropped the weed and enjoyed the swirls Isaac gave you by artfully flicking his tongue over your nipple whilst paying the other nipple good attention then switching over to make you feel equally good. “Isaac…” At the sound of his name being tangled in your moans, Isaac pulled back to watch your face. “Take everything off, I wanna see all of you.”
You take off your shorts slowly while Isaac scrambled to get his clothes off. He was naked by the time you got to your panties. Isaac bit his lip, watching you dance in nothing but your underwear. “Turn around,” You did as you were told and looked over your shoulder while swaying your ass from side to side. “Bend over so I can see that beautiful ass.” You pulled the underwear up so your cheeks swallowed them, intentionally giving yourself a wedgie. Isaac used his hands to caress your golden globes, carefully touching at first, then he forced you to get on all fours and pushed and pulled your cheeks apart with rough movements. Your pussy dripped with natural juice, soaking up the underwear. Isaac got a whiff of your sweet smell and hummed. “You like it when I touch you, don’t you Y/N?” Isaac pressed a thumb to your entrance and massaged the area, making you moan. Every time he moved, his nail would barely touch your clit, this made your clit feel neglected. By now, your panties were sopping wet. Before you had the chance to beg, Isaac hovered over your body, his hard erection poking against your underwear. His hot breath fell on your ear, “do you want me to fuck you?”
“Yes” “Even if its outside where someone might see you?” “I don’t care” “How do you want me, then?” Isaac took your earlobe into his mouth, playing with it just the way you like it. “L-like th-this,” you struggled to say. Isaac bit a trail down your neck all the way down to your shoulder, his dick kept rubbing your clit and you never wanted to be fucked so bad before. “Please…Fuck me like this,” your breath was jagged and desperate. Isaac laughed at your pleas, “I will fuck you over and over until you have to be hospitalized.”
You don’t know how but your underwear snapped and was pulled out of your ass, the cold air hitting your pussy like a whip. Isaac lined himself up, using his tip to play with your entrance. He only slid the tip in and reached around to massage your clit. You cried out in pleasure at the sudden action. Not knowing where to focus your attention, Isaac slipped himself in your slippery cunt and moved with a purpose. He didn’t stop and make you beg or give you proper time to adjust, Isaac thrusted his pelvic bone against your ass, his hand never coming off of your clit. A knot formed in your stomach and you could feel your tight walls clamping down on him. “Keep squeezing my dick like that baby, I love that, cum if you need to, cum all night.” Your knees felt weak, his dirty talking made you reach your orgasm faster than you initially thought.
Isaac held you by the waist and pushed you up against the glass door. He used his strength to hook his arms behind the back of your knees. Still recovering from your first orgasm, Isaac pushed you down on his long, hard prick. Your slick, drenched entrance welcomed him again, your walls were more responsive to his shaft by gripping it as it went in deeper. “look at me baby, I wanna see your face,” you wrapped your arms around Isaac to keep your balance and obeyed his commands. His eyes were so beautiful as was the sheen of sweat rolling down his forehead, the fire behind the lust.
“You’re so tight, I’m gonna cum,” Isaac rested his forehead against yours before you pulled him in close for a passionate, sloppy kiss. Fingers at your clit made you break the kiss, his driving hips slammed against you and the dual stimulation was too much for you to bear. “Oh my… Please don’t stop!” Isaac licked a line along your neck, his thrusts becoming more frantic, “I’m not, I won’t.” Suddenly, he stiffened, and with a loud groan, he shot long, white, ropes of cum into you. Despite his orgasm Isaac fell true to his word, he didn’t stop fucking you. If anything, he went deeper, his strokes long, but his speed remained constant. You could feel his cum sliding in and out of your overly wet pussy, the feeling incredible. He wasn’t going to stop until you came again. Luckily for him, it didn’t take that long for you to get back on the edge. Your vision blurred as you locked your legs around his hips, crying out your release. The constant tightening and releasing, forced another orgasm out of Isaac. He erupted a huge load into you, then a second, third, and fourth until his erection went away and his thighs began to quiver.
Isaac and you didn’t have the energy to clean yourselves up and make way into the bedroom. You both laid on the ground, looking up at the beautiful night sky, even if you couldn’t see the stars. “So that’s what sex with you is like.” You smiled and snuggled into his chest, “Isaac?” Isaac hummed and rubbed small circles on your back, “I can’t feel my legs.” Isaac let out a laugh and gave you a smirk, “I told you I was going to do more than just fuck you.” After a few more quiet minutes his face grew with concern, “wait, are you serious?”
The initial spike of terror had passed– Edward was still standing in the bathroom, his glass lay shattered on the ground and the water was still running. His toothbrush lay in the sink forgotten. The thing he had spotted in the mirror– the shadow of a dark uniform trenchcoat hanging on the inside of the linen closet door– still hung there innocently.
Edward sucked in a deep breath but his chest still felt tight, was still contracted with fear. He felt like he was floating outside his body, but both his feet felt like blocks of concrete, immovable and heavy. Cold sweat burst out across his skin and, despite the sweater and lounge pants, he started shivering uncontrollably as his weight became impossible to hold up and Ed sunk to the ground.
He tried to breathe again, but now it was like his chest had locked up entirely, and the fuzzy threads of panic began to weave in over the first jagged edges of fear, softening them down but somehow being so much worse than his initial fight-or-flight reaction.
Roy’s voice was muffled as Edward stared at the tiled ground and broken glass. He was distantly aware that he had put his hands on his head, but couldn’t seem to remember doing it, nor could he really feel them.
Another sucked in breath and his chest felt like it was screaming in pain.
Roy’s knees came into the darkened edges of Edward’s vision. It seemed like a black sheet had been tossed over him– cutting him off from the world while it went on around him and left him alone, left him with nothing but crawling fear and a slow sense of suffocation.
“Edward, you’re pulling your hair out. Come on, let go of your hair–”
Roy’s hands pulled his fingers away from his hair. Edward’s hearing still felt like pillows were pressed against his ears, but there was no mistaking that the low keening noise that left his mouth was his own.
“Edward, do you know where you are?”
Ed couldn’t speak, couldn’t swallow past the knot that had twisted up in his throat. He managed a trembling nod instead.
“That’s good. You’re having a panic attack, Edward,” Roy explained quietly, suddenly very close to his ear. “You’re hyperventilating right now. That’s why your chest hurts right now. You’re inhaling and forgetting to exhale. Why don’t you try that, alright? Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.”
Ed– obeyed. He closed his eyes, blotting out the world outside himself and focusing on the fire that was raging inside his lungs. He opened his mouth and tried to breathe again, but it was like the mechanics were broken, like the time the hydraulics in his automail had slipped and the whole thing had locked up and Winry had called him an idiot a million times while trying to fix it.
“It’s alright,” Roy said in his ear, and it was then that Edward realized he’d been whimpering something that sounded approximately like “I’m sorry” over and over again. “It’s okay. You’re okay. There’s nothing to be sorry for. Just keep trying.”
Edward nodded numbly, hacking in another shuddering breath as he fought the salt-sting of tears in his eyes. He was exhausted, too exhausted to fight against the black rot that was building up inside him, weakening him from the inside out and making him fall apart. He was fighting his way up an oil slick and losing, and–
“I know,” Roy was speaking in his ear again. “I know it’s hard. I know this feels like it’s never going to be over but it’ll pass, Edward. I promise you that you can get through this.”
Ed gasped again, trying and nodding and outright panting like a dog, drool sliding out of his mouth as he did. He tried to swallow again and failed, but Roy didn’t seem to mind the drool as he wiped Edward’s face with a wet dishrag. Warm, slightly damp hands suddenly skirted Ed’s sides, pressing in comfortingly as chills overtook him again and he began to shake.
“Focus on breathing, Edward,” Roy murmured, “That’s what you need to do. Try breathing through your nose. Go slow.”
Ed obeyed again. He closed his mouth, inhaling again before finally, finally exhaling. It felt like goddamn relief, like an overinflated balloon being released and left, stretched and worn out on the floor. The pressure in his chest eased and Edward did it again, breathing in sharply before exhaling. The pounding in his ears suddenly subsided, and it took Ed a second to realize just how close he had been to passing out entirely.
“Good,” Roy murmured, “Keep going. Keep on.”
Ed did so, focusing his attention away from the bleak hopelessness that threatened to drag him back into a web of panic. It was a struggle, and by the time his breathing was under control again, he felt like he’d been swimming upstream for hours. His muscles were burning from exertion and he’d fallen completely limp, sagging into Roy’s arms.
“It’s okay,” Roy was saying softly into his ear, and Edward realized that he was making small, half-broken sobbing sounds into the fabric of Roy’s shirt. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”
It didn’t, it really didn’t, but Ed nodded anyway, suddenly feeling his hands for the first time in–
Well. Time felt a bit skewed. He felt like he’d been there for hours, but realistically Ed knew that wasn’t right, that Roy would have taken him to a hospital if he hadn’t been properly breathing for hours.
Edward opened his eyes, blinking against the harsh light of the bathroom. The glass pieces of his rinsing cup had been scattered across the floor. His hands were fisted in the front of Roy’s shirt. Edward managed a small start at the sight of the blood smears in the fabric, then looked up at Roy. The older man’s dark eyes watched him steadily, albeit with obvious worry.
“You put your hand down in the glass before I could stop you.”
Ed didn’t remember that. He couldn’t remember feeling anything, just hearing Roy’s voice and wallowing in the dark panic that had arisen inside him, and–
Ed raised his eyes up to the linen closet. The trench coat still hung innocently inside, one sleeve hanging out from where it had been shoved. Roy followed his gaze to the closet, narrowing his eyes at the darkness within.
“Was it the door?” he asked quietly, arms strengthening around Ed, “Edward, was it the Gate?”
Ed’s breath hitched. He’d thought the coat was– he had thought it was just something behind him, here in the safety of Roy’s house. The Gate hadn’t even been something he’d considered, but it could’ve– maybe it was–
“Breathe,” Roy suddenly instructed, and Edward realized he was started to hyperventilate again. “Come on, you’ve got this. Breathe.”
Ed forced himself to breathe through his nose against for a few moments, tearing his eyes away from the closet and back to Roy. Roy nodded at him, using one hand to smooth his bangs back from his damp face.
“Alright,” he said softly, “We can talk about the whys later. Let’s get you out of here.”
Roy stood and pulled Edward up by his elbows. His knees were like jelly, and he felt like a drunken toddler as Roy half-walked, half-carried him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom down the hall. Edward looked around the room, eyes widening at the discarded uniform on the dresser as he realized that he was in Roy’s bedroom. Roy, for his part, didn’t seem perturbed that he had invited Ed into his private space, instead seating Edward on the bed. He grabbed the slightly rumpled comforter and helped to drag it around Ed’s shoulders, and it was then that Edward realized just how damn cold he felt.
“It’s adrenaline,” Roy explained, sitting down beside Edward, “Why you’re feeling like this. You’re bottoming out after a rush of panic. You’ll be okay, just stay in the blanket.”
Ed worked his mouth for several long moments. He felt… battered, Broken. Like someone had hit him with a car and backed up and hit him again just for fun.
“I’m sorry,” he managed, the first time he felt coherent in forever. “I don’t– I broke–”
“It’s alright,” Roy said soothingly, “A cup can be replaced or fixed. That’s not what I’m worried about.”
Okay this went from a three paragraph blurb to an excerpt out of a full story. I’ll sit down and actually write a full story that actually makes sense I suppose, because this one meanders from Ed brushing his teeth at Roy’s house to not being accustomed to Roy’s bedroom? I literally wrote this in the post and made shit up along the way. Wanted to explore Edward not getting through his many traumas as effortlessly as the animes tend to portray and then it turned into this mess.
Summary: Feyre recieves news of being pregnant and tells Rhys about it
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the genius Sarah J Maas. This is just a post acowar fanfic about Feyre telling Rhys that she’s pregnant and I wanted to share it with you all. Also, this is my first time doing this so if the format for how fanfics are usually posted on tumblr is wrong, I apologize and please let me know. And I would also appreciate it if you gave me feedback on this and tell me what you thought, so without further ado:
I already knew.
I already knew deep in my gut, my bones about what was going to be confirmed by the court healer.
Excitement bloomed in my gut as Madja opened her mouth and told me her findings. I quickly jumped up off the bed, hugged her, and ran off to find my mate.
Walking through Velaris was a blur. I kept thinking about what’s gonna come nine months from now and I imagined different reactions I would get from Rhys when I told him.
Tears. A huge smile. Speechlessness.
The images flicked through my mind as I walked up the hill to the town house where my mate and I lived. The town house where someone else will soon reside in as well. I listened to the heartbeat deep within me as I opened the door.
“Rhys?” I called.
“Up here,” my mate called from our room.
I walked up the steps, my heart thrumming powerful beats with each step leading up to the second floor. I passed a couple doors that led to empty rooms on my way to our own. The door was closed but I swore I could’ve looked through the door and see the glow of the somewhat gift I had made for Rhys and hidden inside. I opened the door and as I looked inside, I could almost see the decorations that would soon fill it for the arriving addition to our family. I closed the door once more and continued on my way
I finally reached our room and looked inside to find the beautiful male standing before the window overlooking our home while flaring his wings. Wings I hoped would be passed on to our newcomer.
I stalked up to him with near silent steps. I put my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. “I have something to tell you.” I said quietly, unable to stop the spreading smile on my face.
My mate shifted in my arms to look at me with raised brows, “Oh really?”
I nodded, biting on my smile. On the way here, I hadn’t really decided on how I would tell him. Whether I should come right out or show him the moment of Madja telling me or by sending him an image of what the very near future would hold.
I did know one thing though. It was that along with the announcement, he would also receive a painting I had made when I first suspected the news. All I had to decide was how to lead up to that moment.
I looked into those brilliant violet eyes, my heart swelling with love and emotions I still am not sure how to convey with words, even after all these years we’ve been together. As I looked into my mates eyes, I let those feelings guide the words out of me instead of my brain. “Today I had an appointment with Madja. She told me something that I had known for a week or two, but I wanted to have it confirmed before I told you.” Rhys’ eyes filled with curiosity and interest. I smiled more at the look he gave me along with it. “I think it would be better if I showed you instead.” I grabbed his hand and led him to the room I had just looked inside moments ago.
Before opening the door I said to Rhysand, “Close your eyes.” He obeyed, but I used my magic to create a makeshift blindfold just to make sure the little sneak didn’t peek when I wasn’t looking.
Rhys felt the magic and chuckled, “Don’t trust me Feyre darling?”
“Not even a little bit you sly prick.” He laughed a laugh that sounded like heaven on earth as I opened the door.
The painting still sat on the easel it was painted on with a blanket thrown overtop it. I let go of Rhysand’s hand and walked over to it to pull the sheet off. I looked back, making sure he still couldn’t see and turned my head back around to observe the painting for a quick moment.
It was a portrait of my mate and I holding something in between us. Our faces were the reflection of love and awe and pure happiness. Our eyes filled with wonder and affection and gentleness as we gazed down at what we held in both of our arms. Gazed down at the bundle of joy as he gazed back up at us with his violet eyes to match Rhys’. His face a perfect reflection of his fathers as his mouth curved into a smile that was identical to mine.
Before I removed Rhysand’s restrictions I sent a replay of my appointment with Madja down the mating bond. The bond that I cherished so much with everything inside of me. The bond I had come so close to losing forver, once upon a time. Soothing strokes against the wall of adamant built around my mind. I shook the memory from my head and watched the replay of my appointment along with Rhys so that I could know when to stop it.
It went on for a couple moments longer and before he could hear the news, I removed the memory along with the magic blindfold.
Rhys blinked his eyes open and they landed on me, eyes wide with anticipation. I met his stare and watched as his gaze roamed across the room until they at last landed on the painting I’d made to help me break the news. I watched as he studied the painting, eyes widening with shock, the intervals of the rising of his chest between breaths becoming shorter and shorter.
My mates eyes darted back to me, then the painting and then darted to my stomach. I looked at him and didn’t know what to say as he kept staring at my stomach for a long moment, as if he could see what was growing in there. When he finally met my stare again, his eyes were lined with silver. In two graceful strides Rhys closed the distance between us, grabbed my face with his hands and kissed me. Deeply, passionately. A kiss filled with love and happiness and a joy that couldn’t be faltered by anything.
My mate pulled back and I saw the most beautiful smile I have ever gazed upon in my long years of life spread across his face. A smile that words wouldn’t be able to describe, for it would never do it’s beauty justice. I saved the image in my mind and tucked it away to cherish forever and maybe to paint it one day if I was feeling up to the challenge of recreating the sheer beauty of it.
Tears slid down his face, that beautiful smile unfaltering as he said, “We’re gonna- We’re having a baby?”
I nodded. A smile forming on my mouth-our childs mouth- just as big as his.
Rhys’ breathing became shallow-uneven. His smile still stayed and his tears kept running down his face. “I just- I don’t- I cant- I can’t really… find the words to describe how happy and excited I am. How excited I am to add on to our family that we have and become a father to our child.”
I nodded again. The smile still on my lips and tears now sliding down my face. I took his hands in my own and said, “I know. I can’t really find the words either.”
Instead of saying how he was feeling, my mate sent his feelings down the bond connecting our two minds.
He was right. There really were no words to describe his feelings. It was like the perfect mixture of happiness, bliss, excitement, love… and a little bit of fear.
This time my smile faltered, “Why are you scared?”
Rhysand’s face completely changed and his tears weren’t those of joy, but of sadness as he said, “What if I’m not a good father? What if our son and the rest of our future children hate me? What if they see me as a monster like so many others did before the war with Hybern?”
“My sweet High Lord. You don’t have to put up that façade anymore, haven’t had to for so many years. Why would they see you as a monster?” His mouth opened but I cut him off, “I have no doubt in my mind that you will be the best father our children could ever have. They’ll see in you what our family, our court, and I all see in you. Your courage, and selflessness, and kindness. They’ll see how big and unending your capacity to love is. How protective and funny and graceful you are. They’ll see how you will let them make their own choices while also making sure that they have a long eternal life filled with happiness and peace and love. They will see all of that because that is the type of male that you are. Because that is the reason why I love you so fiercely, just like how our family loves you and how our son and future children will love you. They will love and cherish you and will never see you as a monster because that isn’t who you are.”
The tears were steadily falling down his face now. He didn’t bother to wipe them away as a small smile bloomed on his lips as he brought them down to mine.
I pulled back and took my hands from his and wiped the tears off of his face as he had done so many times for me before. I looked into my mates eyes. The eyes of the person I love most in this world, the eyes of someone else who would no doubt have my heart as well. I smiled wide and cherished this moment that we were sharing.
Rhys brought his eyes to my stomach and swallowed. He once again looked me in my eyes as he said, “It would be my greatest honor, Feyre darling, to have a child -and many more- with you, my mate.”
I took his hand once more and said, “It would be my honor to have children with you as well, Rhys.”
He grabbed me and our future son up in a hug and we held eachother there for what felt like hours. When we finally broke apart, my mate and I grabbed eachothers hand and walked out of the room. Walked out of the room and right into the next beautiful chapter in our story.
It’s probably not a secret that I’m madly in love with Lucien. I’ve written and read plenty of meta about him to gather a general insight on what the ACOTAR fandom thinks of him. Often I find that people see him as a tragic character that’s going to either rise or fall to the occasion— and I can relate to that method of thinking. However, I’ve begun to notice that a lot of these comments about Lucien are, in fact, very misleading and are almost always full of double standards. For instance, these are a few of the classics:
“I want him to succeed but not until he repents.”
“Lucien should just leave Tamlin. He’s a High Lord’s son, right? He’s should be able to just walk out spewing fire everywhere.”
“He’ll ally with the Nigh Court after Feyre uses Elain as bait.”
“Lucien isn’t as damaged as Feyre, and she managed to escape.”
And on, and on…
I’m going to try to keep this as calm and educational as possible (even though on the inside I’m typing in caps and being bitter) so let me address the first issue with the above statements: they’re all unrealistic, contain harmful representation of a person suffering abuse, and are brimming with double standards. Lucien doesn’t need to repent. I’m tired of seeing this as a scapegoat for readers to think that “after character does X they will be deemed good enough and receive Y at the ending.” Lucien doesn’t need to be forgiven for trying to survive. He’s a victim of immense abuse (*see horrific references below) and he’s only ever acted accordingly to what would keep him alive. I realize that the main scenario readers want Lucien to apologize for is the scene in ACOMAF where he tries to take Feyre back to the Spring Court. Let me break this down for you all.
While the event was definitely one portraying him as an antagonist, Lucien still believed that the Night Court was evil and manipulate— especially where the mind is concerned. Rhysand literally can place claws inside of a persons mind, and he once threatened Lucien to step aside or have the Autumn Court and his mother executed. (We all know it was for show, but did Lucien? Of course not.) So when this girl, who was deeply in love with his only friend, disappears and is found with a new, wicked attitude that matches Rhysand’s to an extent and Illyrian wings to boot…hell, if I were Lucien I’d probably think some mind control had come into play as well. This is where things get a bit tricky, however. Lucien does realize that Feyre looks healthier and seems to be better off in the Night Court, but he’s not certain if it’s real or a compulsion. Given that he has no way of knowing the truth, and that believing Rhysand had truly helped Feyre get better after Rhysand’s last encounter with Lucien had been full of threats, I’m lead to believe that Lucien was trying to help Feyre escape, even if it meant brining her back to Spring. We also have to consider that Lucien, although having shown signs of being wary of Tamlin’s behavior, still loves Tamlin because he offered him a home when his own brothers chased him out of his court. So if Tamlin orders him to do something, Lucien will do it out of loyalty and fear. Loyalty, for what he thinks he owes Tamlin because he’s never known what it’s like to be free, and fear because he knows Tamlin will lash out violently if he doesn’t get his way.
The second and third points I’ve stated are probably the worst I’ve seen. Lucien is the seventh son of the High Lord of Autumn, so he more than likely has magic that can rival other High Fae and, possibly, even High Lords. However, we have to consider that Lucien never reveals his magic for a few reasons. He could not know how to control it because no one may have bothered to show him. He could be terrified or disgusted with it, because fire (and let’s assume it’s fire magic) can cause devastating destruction. Or he simply doesn’t have enough power to rival Tamlin’s, and he knows this so he doesn’t try because the one time he DID stand up for himself, when he announced that he would leave his family’s court, he was hunted down.
Much like using one person’s love for another is a prominent motif in this story, Elain could potentially be used as bait for Lucien to “behave” himself in the Spring Court because he probably knows Feyre is up to something. This is wrong and deceitful for so many reasons. If Lucien is to have a character arc that rivals the main character’s own development (which I firmly believe he will) then he needs to come about this revelation on his own terms, not because of someone else— not matter if they’re his mate. If Elain were to be used against him, that would only further his abuse. This would be manipulating and traumatizing a PTSD and abuse survivor. He’s already lost one person he loved, and to dangle his mate in front of him for his cooperation won’t make him realize he’s more than he believes himself to be— it will only continue to make Lucien think that he’s worth less than those around him. Also, Elain doesn’t deserve to be treated like a piece of meat, much less by her sister (so I doubt this will happen, but it agonizes me to continuously see this theory).
On the topic of which character faced more abuse than the other, it’s nonexistent. We should never compare two characters’s trauma for the sake of figuring out who deserves the most sympathy. That’s so incredibly offensive and WRONG. This applies to all situations, books, and real life events, but for this rant I’m applying it to the concept that Feyre suffered more than Lucien and therefore calling Lucien an abused character like Feyre doesn’t mean anything. It’s important to note that I strongly disagree with this, and that I think their suffering is equal in that they’ve felt it both so strongly that it’s ruined parts of their lives they can never get back. No suffering can be measured, for everyone feels it differently. That being said, Feyre and Lucien DO contain many parallels together—mostly that Lucien is exactly in Feyre’s position, stuck between loving Tamlin and fearing him, but he doesn’t have a Rhysand to help him escape.
He was treated like dirt in his homeland.
His lover was murdered right in front of him as he was held down by his family.
When he stood up for himself and told them he was going to leave Autumn, his brothers hunted him down and tried to murder him.
He’s never had real friends aside from Tamlin, so he doesn’t understand how a real friend should treat their friends.
Tamlin helped kill one of his brothers, and Lucien feels indebted to him.
Lucien is known as the drunk, flirtatious courtier/spy that isn’t stable and cannot remain in a single court. This has definitely effected the way he thinks about himself and his self worth.
Amarantha used Lucien as a flogging board when Tamlin didn’t obey her.
Lucien’s eye was ripped out because he once again tried to stand up for himself on a task that wasn’t even his own.
No one has even tried to help him battle his PTSD, so it’s only festered
Ianthe pursued him and tried to rape him but he managed to escape her
Lucien has never had someone to talk to about these things.
Bottom line, treat Lucien better. He deserves so much more.
Request: Imagine having a panic attack in public and Juice comforts you.
Warnings: Could be triggering if you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks. You may not wanna read this if you are prone to either. Be safe, babies 💕
NOTE: Im aware that everybody experiences panic/anxiety attacks differently, so I tried to kinda summarise it.
Canned goods, olive oils, jars of pickles. You walked down the aisle desperately trying to slow down your breathing. Trying to hold off only ever made them worse, but you hated having a panic attack in public. The grocery store was a sensory overload. The squeaking off the loose wheel on the shopping cart. The bright lights shining down. The beeping off the till. Shit. The coloured packaging all jumping out at you. The laughter of children in the next aisle. The soothing music playing throughout the store that was anything but soothing. The footsteps on the polished tiles. Fuck. The old man whistling as he paced the aisles. The buzzing of the overhanging lights. The call over the loudspeaker for Karen to return to the service desk. It was all too much. The moment you had walked in the entrance you had felt nauseas and you had gulped, determined to get your groceries and get out. You dug your fingernails into your palms as you walked up the aisle, hoping desperately that this feeling would pass. Count to ten. But the pounding in your chest quickened and your lungs felt like they were tightening, strangling you, starving you of air. You had to get out. You dropped the basket you were carrying with the few items you had managed to pick off the shelves and you headed for the door. A soccer mom was wrangling her four kids near the entrance and they ran out in front of you, only sending you into more of a panic. Your breathing quickened and you broke into a sweat, desperate to be outside in the fresh air and desperate for the room to stop spinning. Finally you made your way outside and you ran to the alley between the surrounding buildings and knelt on the ground.
The surroundings were spinning and you steadied yourself, your hands on the concrete path as your body trembled.
Juice walked out of Clear Passages and tucked his hands into his pockets. He smiled to the elderly couple walking towards him. They didn’t reciprocate when they saw the leather kutte on his shoulders and Juice ignored it. He was used to it by now. He headed towards his bike, glancing up and down the street while he walked. Then he saw her. Across the road, in the alleyway between the grocery store and the florist a girl was kneeling on the ground, her hands clutching at her chest. Juice frowned and jogged across the street, unaware of the oncoming traffic. The driver slammed on their brakes and honked the horn. He raised his hand in apology but kept moving, desperate to help the girl. “Hey are you okay?” He asked as he approached. She didn’t look up. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her hands were shaking, a thin layer of sweat appearing on her pale forehead. Juice recognised the signs and he knelt in front of her. “Hey, you’re gonna be okay. Open your eyes.” She obeyed. Her wide, panicked eyes found his and he placed his hands on her shoulders. “You gotta breath. Inhale.” She took a deep breath and he counted to three. “Exhale. Good.” He counted to three again before telling her to inhale. Ever so slowly her breathing began to calm and Juice flashed a smile for the small victory. “Tell me five things you can see.” “What?” She asked, her breathing starting to quicken again. “Do it. Five things. Trust me.” “Um. You.” She glanced along the alleyway, out into the street. “A car.” “What colour is it?” “Red.” “Good, what else?” Juice pushed the loose hair out of her face and pointed out into the street. “The sky. A post box.” She took a deep breath. “Bench.” “Good girl. What can you hear?” “Traffic.” “Anything else?” She shook her head. “I don’t know I cant-“ “Its okay, take a deep breath.” She did as she was told and Juice got her to name what she could smell. When she was done he noticed that the colour was returning to her face. It was a good sign. “Hows your heart beating?” “Little fast.” She stammered. “But better.” “Whats your name?” “(y/n).” “My names Juice. Look back at that road. How many cars can you see.” She focused, her eyes narrowing. He sat with her for a while, asking her questions and with every answer her breathing slowed and her heart rate lowered. “How are you feeling?” “Okay, I guess.” Juice stood and offered her his hand. She accepted and he helped her up. “Im sorry, I just wanted to get my groceries but it just became too much and.. Im sorry.“ “You don’t need to apologise.” Juice smiled, sending a blush to her cheeks. “Im just glad I was here.” “Me too.” She cleared her throat. “Thank you.” He nodded. “Did you have a grocery list?” She nodded and pulled the piece of paper out of her pocket. “Wait here.” ~
He grabbed the list from your fingers and turned, leaving you alone in the alley. You leant against the cool brick wall, enjoying the way it felt on your back and you looked to the sky, taking a deep breath. You weren’t blind. You had seen the patch on his shoulders but no one had ever talked you down from one of your panic attacks before, let alone a biker you didn’t even know. After a few more minutes Juice rounded the corner, his arms full of groceries. “You drive here?” “No, I walked. I don’t live far.” “Then lets go.” He smiled widely to you. “You don’t have to,Juice, really you’ve done enough. I didn’t even give you money for those and-“ “Hey, I want to. Safety in numbers, right?” You smiled, a blush on your cheeks and nodded. “Right. You took a bag of groceries from his arms and led the way. Juice talked to you the whole way home and the you reached your house he helped you carry your groceries inside. “I should get back.” He said when he placed the last bag on the counter. You nodded. “Thank you for everything, Juice. Really, thank you.” He smiled and scanned the kitchen. He headed to the counter and grabbed a pen and pulled your grocery list from his pocket, and began scribbling down his phone number. When he was done he handed the paper to you. “Anytime you need anything. Anything at all, you call me.” You smiled widely. No words could thank him enough for what he had done but you made a mental reminder to do some baking and drop it off to him. Together you walked to the front door and after saying goodbye you watched him walking away from your house. You chewed the side of your lip as you watched him, hoping that you would get to see a lot more of Juice.
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