oH-YE-S

It’s the Nutshack! (Yee, yee)
It’s the Nutshack! (What he say?) (Ayyyy!)
It’s the Nutshack! (Oh, yes!) (Yeeeah!)
It’s the Nutshack! (Hey, I know that kid!)
It’s the Nutshack! (Don’t forget ya boy Angel!)
It’s the Nutshack! (It’s the Nutshack!)
It’s the Nutshack! (It’s the Nutshack)
It’s the Nutshack! (Yeah!) (It’s the Nutshack…)
It’s the Nutshack! (Hey!)
It’s the Nutshack! (Keep lookin’!)
It’s the Nutshack! (Whoooa!)
It’s the Nutshack!
Hoo-ugh!
Phil’s from ‘Frisco, Jack’s from the P.I.,
Horatio the Horat so big-eyed!
Tito Dick “Dickman”, baby!
He raised Phil and loves the ladies.
Jack’s cool and lazy, he’s still learnin’.
Number one Cherry Pie, still a virgin.
Chita, meet da freak of da weekah!
Phil’s homegirl that Jack wanna keep her,
But that’s not happenin’, either!
Shake it like a seizure, hold up,
Lemme spark this, take a breather, (Yeaaah huh huh!)
Breathe that reefer in my lungs.
I got grapes, what you watchin’, son?
It’s the Nutshack! (Yah!)
It’s the Nutshack! (AAAAARRRGH!)
It’s the Nutshack!
It’s the Nutshack!

don’t you love how michael just casually praises calum all the time like all of a sudden he goes “hey give it up for calum he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread” or “look at calum’s biceps they are so great” and “look at that handsome man on the other side of the stage he’s an angel oh yES it’s calum” and just “giVE IT UP FOR CALUM’S BOOTY WOW CALUM’S BICEPS CAN I GET A HELL YEAH” michael worships calum and he lets him know all the time and that’s beautiful

THE SIGNS AT A STRIP CLUB

Aquarius: HAHAHAHHAHAHA

Virgo: STOP LAUGHING! NO! SAGITTARIUS, YOU COME BACK HERE! AQUARIUS STOP GOING ON THE STAGE!

Aries: *tries to yank Aquarius down from the stage* GET DOWN! WHAT’RE YOU DOING?

Aquarius: blazing it *jumps into the crowd*

Virgo: GREAT! THEY’RE GONE! SAGITTARIUS I SAID COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!

Sagittarius: no fight me *runs into the crowd*

Virgo: *hyperventilating* they’reallgonnadieandit’sgoingtobemyfaultohmygodwhydidweevencomeherewhyohmygodwhy w h y

Gemini: MY SONG IS PLAYING! OH MY GOD IT’S ME AND AQUARIUS’S SONG OH MY GOD YE S THEY’LL APPEAR VIRGO, TRUST ME. IT’S OUR SQUAD SONG OH MY GOD

*LMFAO’s “Shots” comes on*

Aquarius: SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS *goes on the stage with Gemini, Sagittarius, and Aries*

Virgo: CAPRICORN! TAURUS! LEO! PISCES! OH GOD! PISCES! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!

*meanwhile in the bathroom*

Pisces: *really high again* wwwhhhhooooaaaa *staring at the toilet*

Virgo: CAPRICORN! OH GOD, THANK YOU! Come here!

Capricorn: *stares at Virgo and brings a shot up to their mouth* no

Virgo: *mother voice* Capricorn…..if you do it…

Capricorn: *still staring at Virgo* watch me *drinks it and then takes 10 other shots*

Virgo: CAPRICORN DAMMIT OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO GROUNDED AT HOME GOD DAMN IT CAPRICORN YOU WERE SUPPO- TAURUS! STOP!

Taurus: *gambling and winning* SUCKERS! *hugs the money and shoves it down their pants and shirt* oh god this is so ugh yes

Libra: *has their party sunglasses on and rave glow on their body and is clearly intoxicated* lighten up, bro *shoves a shot into Virgo’s mouth*

Virgo: STOP NO! I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF Y- *drinks it* whoa

Libra: B) you like it B))))))))

Virgo: B) I like it *takes more shots* i really- whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Scorpio: okay, Scorpio. Repeat to yourself-

Aquarius: DON’T KILL ANYONE, OKAY AQUARIUS, DON’T KILL ANYONE!

Scorpio:

Scorpio: WE HAVE THE SAME MANTRA OH MY GOD

Aquarius: YEAH BROOOOO NOW COME UP HERE AND DANCE WITH US

Scorpio: *goes on stage* THEY’RE GONNA THINK I’M ONE OF THEM, THOUGH!

Aquarius: *their shirt already off* sO HAHHAHAHA

Aquarius: oh god i think i- *hit the blunt* ahahhahahahhaha

Aries: SHIT *babysits everyone* DAMMIT GUYS I DON’T WANNA DO THIS *gets one of Pisces’s blunts from Sagittarius’s pants*

Sagittarius: EVERDAY I’M SHUFFLING DOO DOD DOODODODODD ODYA YE AH 

Cancer: *fell asleep in the bathroom with Pisces* PISCES WHY ARE YOU ON ME

Pisces: no WE DIDN’T DO IT OKAY WE DID NOT DO IT I JUST WE JUST PASSED OUT

Cancer: HOW

Pisces: *holds up their blunt* 420′s. 

Cancer:

Cancer: let’s do it

Pisces and Cancer: *getting high in the bathroom again* we should go outside

Pisces: yeah

Cancer: yeah

*they get out and get lost in the crowd together*

Leo: I’VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE *dancing with a bunch of people*

Aries: AHAHHAHAAHHAA *spinning in the chair*

Bartender: are you high, my man?

Aries: *leans really close* y es *falls off*

Aquarius: #rip hhahahaaha

Bartender: *sigh* take care bros

Gemini: OH HEY THERE GUYS, YOU LIKE MY FRIENDS ;)

Libra: WHAT’RE YOU DOING WITH WALLETS! Wait….OH MY GOD THROW THEM AWAY! GEMINI YOU STOLE WALLETS FROM PEOPLE OH MY GOD

Gemini: *confused face* oh…….rrrrrrriiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhht heh *throws the wallets into the crowd but secretly has all the money*

Virgo: HAHAHAHAHA I SHOULD’VE DONE THIS HOURS BEFORE HAHAHA *taking more shots*

Capricorn: SEE YOUS EE

Virgo: yyyEESSSSS DDDDDDDDDDDDDUUDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEE

Cancer: WEEEEEEEE *spinning with Pisces on the dance floor* 

Pisces: I’M GONNA BE SICK *throws up on a person*

Person: DUDE

Pisces: *wipes their face onto the person’s shirt and whispers* you now have my cum in your pores *takes Cancer’s arm and runs to where Aries and Aquarius are*

Sagittarius: *wakes up between a dancing Stripper’s legs* whoaaaaaa nice shoes *touches the rhinestones* whoaaaa

Stripper: yeah you’ve been asleep holding my shoe for the past 30 minutes. 

Sagittarius: sorry heh *goes off the stage and goes to Taurus*

Taurus: I BELIEVE YOU OWE ME $500, SIR

Gambler: ugh *gives $500 to Taurus*

Sagittarius: *sits next to Taurus* you winning bro

Taurus: oh, i’m winning ;) 

Gambler: NEXT GAME OF POKER OKAY? I BET $100

Taurus: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT 

*they both play with two other people and Taurus wins $1,000*

Taurus: HAHAHHAHAHA *walks away from the game with Sagittarius* can you hold this money? my pants and shirt are filled

Sagittarius: got you dude *fills their own pants and shirt*

Pisces: THIS IS GREAT

Cancer: THIS IS GREAT

*Wasted by Tiesto comes on*

Aquarius: I LIKE US BETTER WHEN WE’RE WASTEDDDDDDDD

Aries: IT MAKES IT EASIER TO FAKE ITTTTTTT

Pisces: THE ONLY TIME WE REALLY TALK IS WHEN OUR CLOTHES ARE COMING OFF 

*Aquarius’s shirt is off, one of Aries’s shoe is held on their head with their shoelace tied onto their hair, Pisces’s hat is gone, and Cancer’s shirt is torn and somehow still on them*

Cancer: I LIKE US BETTER WHEN WE’RE WASTED

Pisces: IT MAKES IT EASIER TO SAY ITTTT

Aries: LAY ALL YOUR LAUNDRY ON THE BED

Aquarius: AND THEN I’LL LAY IN IT INSTEAD

Cancer: I LIKE IT BETTER WHEN WE’RE WASTED

Aries, Aquarius, Pisces, and Cancer: OHOHOHOOHOHOHO WOHAOAAAAAAA

Aries: *shatters a shot glass* WOWHAOWWOOWW

Aquarius: *throws a beer bottle at the wall* WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Pisces: *throws the chair onto the dance floor* YEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Cancer: *throws their shoes at people* WWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

*they get kicked out*

Aquarius: what should we do now tho

Pisces: sneak back in

Cancer: But-

Aries: I got-

*the jumpers somehow allow them to come back in*

Aries: nEVERMIND THEN

Gemini: this is way better in 3D….*looking at the huge disco ball*

Capricorn: GAGGAGAAHHAHAHA TAKE ONE MORE

Virgo: *takes one shot* I DARE YOU TO TAKE THREE

Capricorn: OKAY *takes three* TAKE FIVE

Virgo: I BET I CAN TAKE MORE THAN YOU

Capricorn: OH YEAH??

*they take a Shot Challenge and an hour later*

Virgo:…..thirthy-second….*drinks*

Capricorn:….thirtieth…*drinks* oh god….

Virgo: *laugh and slurs* THIRTY-THIRD

Capricorn: *slurring also* THIRTY-SECOND NOW GAHAHA

Libra: I’ll take that *steals a person’s watch* heh

Scorpio: where is everyone- oh nevermind. you wanna go there?

Libra: yea- WHY IS SAGITTARIUS ON THE DISCO BALL HOW THE HELL DID THEY EVEN GET UP THER- IS AQUARIUS THERE TOO???

Scorpio: wHAT 

Sagittarius: I’M GONNA DIE TODAYYYYYYYYY

Aquarius: SSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE

Sagittarius and Aquarius: PARKOUR 

*they jump off the disco ball and crowd surf….and they fell on Gemini*

Gemini: GUYS WHAT THE OH! OW OH FLIPPIN HELL GOD THAT HURTS GET- *scream* GET OFF

Aquarius:…..parkour….

Sagittarius:…is life.

Gemini: can you get off now

Aquarius: yeah

Gemini: thanks

*suddenly everyone screams and gets out of the club*

Virgo: IT WAS JUST A-

Capricorn: PRANK-

Virgo and Capricorn: BRO *pass out*

Gemini: WHAT THE HELL THEY SET THE TABLE ON FIRE 

Aquarius: hey Sagittarius

Sagittarius: yeah bro

Aquarius: *whisper* parkour

Sagittarius: PARKOURRRRRR

Gemini: NO

Taurus: HAHAHHAHA YES

Gemini: WHERE WERE YOU?!

Taurus: me and Sagittarius were emptying the money into the car.

Gemini:….how much?

Leo: *stumbling over* $10,000 hehehehahah

Leo: oooooo a fire

Leo: pARKoUR *tries to jump over the fire but lands face first onto the floor and falls asleep* 

*the cops come and everyone that was passed out gets up*

Leo: SHIT GET OUT HAHAHAHHAHAHA GET OUT

Aquarius: THERE’S AN EXIT THERE

Virgo: *holds the door open* GO GO GO

Aries: SAGITTARIUS STOP HOARDING THE DRINKS 

Sagittarius: *drops 5 bottles of vodka* NO *throws it into the car*

Scorpio: LET’S GO LEO

Leo: *stumbling* HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Cancer: CARRY THEM 

Pisces: oh my god…. *carries Leo and they both go in the car with Cancer*

Taurus: MOVE IT, CAPRICORN!

Capricorn: WAITTTTTT *stumbling like Leo*

Taurus: for foods’ sake…*carries Capricorn* you’ve gotta be kidding me

Gemini: DON’T FORGET ME OKAY *jumps into the car*

Virgo: LIBRA, LET’S GO!

Libra: HOLD ON I FORGOT THE WATCH!

Virgo: gET OUT

Libra: oKAY OKAY

*they all get in the car and Aries drives*

Aquarius: well we just trashed a Strip Club and escaped the cops

Aries: worth it tho

Scorpio: true

Virgo: *wakes up* WHERE’S MY SHOT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sagittarius: *shoves a vodka bottle into Virgo’s arms* happy

Virgo: *whisper* ya *falls asleep*

*they arrive home*

Gemini:….we should do that again

Everyone: YES

Phonetics

Draco has always liked his name.

Because Malfoy is synonymous with power, it’s engraved in the marrow of his bones and stamped deep into the membranous tissue of his veins. Purity and money and control.

You have to do the Malfoy name proud, his father had always told him.

And it’s odd, really, that he likes his name best not when it’s plastered across the front of the Daily Prophet of hanging appraisingly from the minister’s lips but when the two syllables are neatly formed in her mouth. Rolling off her tongue like a dollop of sugar laced with venom. Spit out with cotton candy sweet tinges of anger.

Oh yes, Draco’s quite sure that his name fits best when it’s Y/N who’s saying it.

___

He hears it for the first time in fifth year.

The Inquisitorial Squad badge is gleaming against his chest as he taunts a first year with detention for being late to class. The boy’s book bag is secure in his grip, dangling just far enough away so he can’t reach it when –

“Malfoy!”

The syllables are crisp. The slice of a knife. A point being sharpened and twisted.

It startles him, at first. But he’s whirling around, smirk having faded the slightest bit, to find Y/N marching up the corridor. Her mouth is pursed, cheeks suffused with an angry, bitter red that should not make him think about just where else that flush might be.

He drops the bag. Straightens his robe. “Yes?”

“You can’t do that,” Y/N tells him, finger pointed accusingly at the now quickly retreating first year. Tendrils of Y/H/C hair have fallen into her face, wisps brushing along the slant of her cheekbones.

Draco crosses his arms. “Why not?” he asks.

Y/N’s eyes narrow. “It’s against the rules and you know it.”

And the smirk that eclipses his mouth – it’s slow and it’s syrupy and it reminds him, vaguely, of guilt. But he can hardly tell her that, not when he’s having a difficult time stringing his words together, keeping his eyes from the skin of her legs and the bow of her mouth.

“I’m a member of the Inquisitorial Squad,” he says, rather calmly. “I don’t have rules.”

A look too quick to decipher flickers across Y/N’s face. She hugs her books closer to her chest. “You’re a prat, Malfoy,” she tells him, and even then he can’t quite resist the way that her mouth fits around his name.

___

“Malfoy,” her words are hushed, brushing against the stained glass windows of the library. “You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

Draco shrugs. Pointedly keeps his eyes on his paper as he replies, “I know. I wanted to.”

“But-”

He looks up then. Catches the dark fringe of her lashes, the jut of her chin and the ink stains against her fingertips. She’s blushing, a rather different look from the indignant flush that he’s grown accustomed to.

“It’s not as though Umbridge was going to give me detention,” he drawls. The fine tip of his quill digs into the parchment a bit harder. “And besides, she had no right talking to you like that. I may be a prat, you see, but I am a gentlemen.”

Y/N snorts, undignified and somehow still graceful, brushes a lock of hair behind her ear as she glances down at her feet. “I’m not sure I would go that far-” she says. “But thanks, anyway, Malfoy.”

And she’s turning away before she can see the smile that slips in place of his smirk.

___

“Malfoy?” It’s a question. Hesitant and trepidatious as her fingers wind in the thick material of his quidditch uniform.

She’s close. So fucking close to him. He can feel her weight against his chest, the small of her back against his hand; can see the flecks in her eyes and the delicate lines of her face.

He wonders absentmindedly whether or not she can feel the thudding of his heart.

The question hangs between them, cloying and thick.

There’s only one answer, he thinks. Has only ever been one answer.

And when he kisses her, drags his fingers through her hair and pulls her close, closer, closest, he can feel the movement of his name on her lips.

___

“Malfoy.” The syllables peter out on a sigh, wistful and private. Y/N rolls onto her stomach, shape made stark in contrast to the dwindling fire in the common room.

Her skirt is bunched at her thighs, socks lying forgotten by the door. Her lips are cherry red, parted in a smile as she edges nearer to Draco. Their legs are entwined. “Malfoy,” she says again, quiet and shy and happy, maybe.

Her face flickers. Dims.

She runs her tongue along her bottom lip. Glances from the tip of Draco’s chin to the crown of his white blonde head.

“Draco,” she corrects herself.

And he’s sure that he’s never liked his name quite so much as he does in that moment.

darrenncriss  asked:

sex shop au with Klaine? Because that would be so hilariously awkward

oh fuck yes

It’s not the weirdest job Blaine could have found, all things considered.

… Okay, it is pretty weird, but still, manning the counter of an … adult entertainment store is not that bad.

… Okay, sometimes, it gets pretty bad, but 80% of the time, it’s just like any other retail job.

He smiles at every patron, doesn’t even pay attention to what exactly they are purchasing, rings them, asks them if they want a discreet bag or if they would like a tote bag with the name of the store on it (“Dildopolis”, really), smiles again and wishes them a pleasant day.

And that’s it.

Nothing weird about that, right?

Blaine is all for everyone having a healthy sexlife, however they choose to have it, and their book selection offers a wide (well, as wide as available, and no, that’s not “what she said”) selection of books on consent, and proper etiquette.

And on how to properly take care of the different toys, too.

Speaking of which …

As stated previously, Blaine’s job is pretty common 80% of the time.

But he has a feeling that the guy who just entered the shop and skipped to the vibrators selection belongs in the 20% of definitely, seriously, what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you customers that grace the store by their very presence.

Keep reading

IM IN LOVE
Normally I don’t do fan arts because Im afraid of messing up the characters I draw but I just HAD to do Smoky Quartz!!! They’re the reason I’m alive now tbh.

EDIT: I’m sorry that Smoky doesn’t look as thick as they were portrayed in the show, I’m not super good at drawing and drawing people with larger bodies is surprisingly hard! But I’ve been practicing and I’m trying my best. If anyone could link me to any helpful tutorials that would be great!

anonymous asked:

Can you do a scenario for Link and his s/o's wedding please?

Aaahhh is it wedding season right now? Goodness, so many talk of weddings ;; v ;; speaking of weddings tho, there was a wedding hc posted before here so for those who’ve missed it, you might want to check it out


Oh god oh god oh godohgod—

Link knew it was wrong.

His mind was screaming at him to turn back, to not continue his path down the hallway. His body felt sick to the stomach, nauseous, and light-headed as the two components that made up his very being told him not to continue his actions.

But he pushed on, swallowing harshly as he turned to a beautifully decorated door. He hesitated, his clammy and sweaty hands hovering over the doorknob. For once, Link didn’t know what he wanted to do.

His breath calmed.

His fists tightened.

His resolve steeled.

“Link…?” _____ voices sounded from the other side of the door when called, Link’s breath catching in his throat after so long of not being able to see her. Even though he didn’t like it, _____’s friends were a firm believer that the couple shouldn’t see each other weeks - if they had their way, months probably - before the wedding and his beloved had agreed to that.

“Wha–Wait ____ you shouldn’t go out there–”

“The ceremony’s gonna be in a while– he can wait to see you you know?”

“God you guys– I’m only going to talk to him from the door. Is that okay with you Link?” The male nodded, before realizing that she can’t even see him with the door standing in their way. He answered her with a shaky “yes” and heard her laughter ringing from the door.

It took all his strength to not break down the door that very moment.

“What did you come here for? We’re going to see each other in a while–”

“I love you,” Link interrupted the girl’s speech with his own, earning himself silence for a few torturous seconds before gleeful screaming sounded from the other side of the door.

“I love you too Link… I should go– the girls haven’t finished with me yet,”

“Okay,”


The time had come for the ceremony.

Link was fidgeting nervously on the altar, a gust of wind ruffling his made up hair. The butterflies in his stomach increased by tenfold, his eyes seeming to lurk around the venue in search of something to look at. The music started and after what felt like a long time, ______ finally started walking down the aisle, a smile on her face as well as a faint dusting of red.

Link felt his heart stop beating, his eyes trained on her; the way the wind pushed her veil back just a little, the way her dress flowed around her body, the way her (e/c) orbs sparkled in nervousness and excitement– all of it, her very being, made him fall in love all over again.

_____ smiled up at him as the pastor went on with their wedding vows, Link having to be brought back from his daydreaming by the (h/c) for his part of the vow. He struggled, stumbling over his words as he frequently lost himself in her eyes.

“Link,” the bride smiled, leaning in closer to him when they were declared husband and wife. Her eyes flickered with mirth and excitement, a fondness swimming in her orbs that of which he had seen tens of thousands of times.

He still couldn’t get enough of them.

“Did you come to the dressing room for the sole purpose of saying I love you to me?” The blond haired man blinked in momentary shock, a small smile creeping upon his features as he let out a low chuckle.

“I suppose so,” with those words, the former inspector finally leaned in and captured her lips.

anonymous asked:

Do you like Luke?

Oh my god yes!! He’s my favourite character in Starwars, my dad used to love it and I always wanted to be like him and then in the force awakens he was at the end and I had a fangirl attack it was so beautiful! 

Originally posted by mystarwars

anonymous asked:

Hamliza “I’ve been buying the wrong underwear.”

Eliza gets out of the shower and sees her husband standing in his underwear shaving.  Before she can stop herself, she says, “I’ve been buying the wrong underwear for you.”

He looks down.  Doesn’t notice anything. “It fits fine,” he says.

She looks him over.  “No.  I need to size up for you.”

He cocks an eyebrow and grins at her.  “Oh, yes that’s true.”

She pokes at the little muffin top above the waistband.  “They’re too small there.”

Hamilton stares at himself in the mirror.  “No, it’s fine.”

Eliza crosses her arms over her growing stomach.  “It’s not.  You’re busy.  You’re older.  Your body is feeling it.”

“It’s not.”

She sighs.  “Maybe you’re just gaining sympathy weight.”

“Maybe our washer and dryer are broken and are shrinking our clothes.”

“Maybe you should come to prenatal yoga with me.”

He mock laughs.  “No.”

“We can power walk together,” she offers.  She’s worried about his circulation being cut off.

“Eliza, I look the exact same.  You’re perception is off because you’re bigger.”

She decides to ignore that.  “You work long hours.  You’re getting older.  You don’t eat very healthy food.  You don’t exercise.  Need I go on?”

“Isn’t it amazing I do all those things and still have the body of a 23 year old?”

“Uh-huh.”  She sighs.  “Look, you can acknowledge it or not.  I’m still buying upping your size.”  She slides her arms around his waist and rests her head on against his back.  “I kind of like it, you know?  It makes you look taken care of.”

He analyzes himself in the mirror.  “I look the same as our wedding day.  Shh.”

He does not sound convincing.  She supposes she’ll have to tear out the tags on the new underwear and sew in tags of a smaller size to make him feel better.  Or she’ll throw away all his old underwear so he has no choice.  Though she doesn’t want to risk him going commando.  Twitter can be harsh on him as it is.

She looks at his hair.  “You’ve got some grey too.”

“Eliza!”

Friend of mine who has not yet seen Game of Thrones and wants to watch it with me, and who despises spoilers to the point where he actively covers his ears during movie trailers: Well, I know it’s a bad idea to get attached to any of the characters, because it’s Game of Thrones, but I could probably get attached to Jason Momoa’s character.

Me: …

Friend: I know he’s one of the really important figures, so he’s safe- 

Me: *rolls natural 20 to maintain poker face*

Friend: You know, Jason Momoa? 

Me: *bites through tongue*

Friend: The one playing Aquaman?

Me: Oh! Yes! That one. He’s important.

Friend: *smiles, nods, leaves room to go cook dinner*

Me: . o O ( I had better get some kind of nomination for that performance.)