anonymous asked:

How am I to sign up for the Sheriff's Secret Police?

The tablets at City Hall will have your name etched into them should you be eligible to be a member of The Sheriff’s Secret police. However to be a volunteer one must scribe their name on the adjacent tablet in blood. (TIP: If you want to impress the fellow members of TSSP don’t use your own blood)

anonymous asked:

how do you tell another person that you have a crush on them?

Pass them notes. Pass them friendly glances. Pass them in dark halls just outside the corner of their eyes. Pass them up on their assumptions that you’re following them with a casual, “Who me? Nah!” Pass them a gun and whisper, “Run they’re after us.” Run forever. You are partners now.

gentlyasweblog  asked:

The moans and whispers my fridge makes at night are starting to leak into the day. Do you think my fridge is sick?

No. But whoever eats that kale that you clearly left in the fridge for too long will be. Everyone knows that unattended kale will oftentimes leak, moan, and whisper songs about death and heartbreak due to its bad shelf life.