Dating Advice

If you are in a same sex relationship and someone asks, “Who is the man and who is the woman?” be sure to laugh and tell them, “Neither,” before you reveal your leathery wings that tower over their quivering mortal beings. Don’t stop laughing until you breathe fire. Keep laughing, inform them you are both neither man nor woman. Then reveal that you are both literally same sex dragons. 

This Is A Post About You

But you don’t really believe that. What about all the other people reading it? Well this doesn’t apply to them. Only you.
You’re on Tumblr, but you should be doing something else. But you keep scrolling. And you come across a post about you.
And you are so happy. Because you have always wanted to read about yourself on Tumblr.
And then you keep scrolling down to avoid your responsibilities, realities, and feelings.


Do not be alarmed if you feel you were assigned the wrong gender at birth. Do not be alarmed if you feel that you weren’t even assigned a gender at birth. Do not be alarmed if you feel like your birth wasn’t assigned to you, and you are a sprit occupying a new body each day and floating through abysmal voids each night. You are all real and deserve your best life.


Aries Okay chill out. Like, it’s one day. Stop for just ONE day, Aries. Don’t move. Don’t think. Just stop. Stop being… do not exist. Just for ONE day!

Taurus Is it weird having the same name as a car, a Ford let alone? The stars always wonder that. They make fun of you for it when they’re at parties

Gemini Yeah, the stars have parties. And you’re jealous of that. End of horoscope.

Cancer All the luck in the world won’t save you from the massive waves of unexplainable events coming your way. You thought you were baffled now… just you wait for that horse to appear… yeah that’s going to mess you up!

Leo You need to stop hanging out with that Aries. At least just for one day. Just. One. Day! (They’re starting to figure you out!)

Virgo Red people.

Libra You’re so sweet. You’re syrupy sweet. The ants can smell you, and you can’t move. The sweet, syrup is literally cementing you to the wall. Here they come…

Scorpio Shame on you for telling the ants where the Libra was! They are going to haunt you for this!

Sagittarius 404 error, you could try rebooting the stars with your telepathic powers

Capricorn Keep your eyes open, use a small dagger and pull out the optic nerve. Those eyes need to be wide open and exposed and vulnerable!

Aquarius We know you miss him but you have GOT to STOP writing his name on the windows in blood. It’s getting old. Your bowling league misses your witty jokes and celebratory dances. We know it’s hard. But get back to your old self. He is not the only one who misses you.

Pisces Nope.