I finally feel like I’m at a place where I can fully share my experience. I write this in the hopes of helping those who have shared/are sharing this struggle and to help others not to fall into the same trap. So here it is…
As a senior in high school, I realized that I was capable of running for a D1 school. I did everything possible to turn that into a reality. I got enough sleep, did yoga every morning, worked hard in practice, did extra strength training, and ate healthy. I wasn’t going overboard; I was simply dedicated.
In hindsight, though, that’s when I started to get sucked into the deep, dark hole that is an ED. I ate very regimented meals and started to completely refuse desserts. I always loved reading novels. I started to love reading nutrition labels. Working at a grocery store didn’t help. While stocking shelves, I would sneak a peek at the calorie content in the products. 120 calories in a slice of whole grain bread?! Maybe I’d just cut out bread from my diet… It was a slippery slope, and I started sliding fast.
I graduated high school feeling on top of the world. I was SCA President, Valedictorian, and had a scholarship to run at a D1 school in the SEC! (And I hadn’t eaten a piece of bread or a single dessert in 6 months… go me! … Right?) Summer training began and, with the increase of mileage came a decrease in fuel. Run more, eat less became my mantra. I was going to go to college as skinny and fast as possible. Little did I know that skinny did not equate to speed.
Freshman year came and, boy! was it tough. I was 12 hours from home and had the pressure of a rigorous course load PLUS running. My response? Eat. Even. Less. My thinking was that the less I ate, the skinnier I’d be and the skinnier I was, the faster I’d be. If I ran fast, I’d be happier. WRONG.
I had a great freshman cross country season, but by the time indoor training rolled around, I was weak. I got injured over Christmas break and that sent me spiraling. I cross trained excessively, lost more weight, and my injury didn’t heal (shocker). When I got back to campus, my trainer noticed how thin I was. So, she sent me to a nutritionist and, eventually, a psychologist. I fought against this, because I was in such a state of denial. I didn’t have an ED! I was just dedicated to the sport!
One day, though, I completely broke down. I confessed it all to the psychologist, but, more importantly, I confessed it to myself. There was absolutely nothing healthy about what I was doing. And I wasn’t happy at all. In fact, I had hit the lowest point in my life. All joy had left my being. Life had simply become survival until the next run and the next sleep. My brain was consumed with thoughts of food (and how I could eat less of it, despite how much I craved it). I put on a happy face for those around me, but inside I was broken. And my body was breaking.
I made a list of all the bad habits I had formed– everything from avoiding even the crust of a piece of bread to spitting out food into a napkin when people weren’t looking. I would go out to dinner with friends, but lie about having eaten beforehand. I would look at recipes for cookies and cakes, but could never fathom baking them. Pizza? Oh, man, I just wanted pizza. No way would I touch that, though. No. Way.
I slipped into a deep depression and was ready to give it all up and crawl home. I was no longer Molly. I didn’t know who I was.
Finally, with the help of my family, my two best friends, and lots and lots of prayer, I started to regain my former happiness. Despite still being injured, the sweet spring air and the promise of summer enlivened me. I stayed out later, became a bit more spontaneous, and, under the watchful eye of the nutritionist, started to put on some weight.
That was a battle, though. I would call my Dad every morning while drinking the specially made protein shakes (with a scarily unknown amount of calories), so he could talk me through it. He wouldn’t hang up until I had promised him that I had finished the entire shake. I remember shaking in the grocery store as I forced myself to buy the whole grain waffles that I promised my nutritionist and psychologist I would buy. I had to call my parents while eating them slowly, one morsel at a time. Then, I cried because the guilt of those carbs was too much to bear.
My Mom visited for my birthday and, by then, I had started to improve a bit more. We had a wonderful day bouncing around downtown, shopping, going to the art museum, and talking and laughing uncontrollably as we always used to do together. When she suggested grabbing a sandwich for lunch, I hesitated slightly, but obliged. I didn’t want to ruin our perfect day. And that was a turning point for me. I sat with my mom in the March sun and ate an absolutely delicious sandwich. And I didn’t wilt away. The sky didn’t fall. The world did not stop spinning. I ate a sandwich, and it was tasty, and I was happily full, and my Mom and I were having a lovely day. I was alive again.
That summer, at home, I learned how to eat Sunday morning pancakes with my family again. I learned how to get froyo at 11 PM with my best friend again. I learned how to not plan out every second of every day. I learned how to fuel the happy life I so desperately wanted to live.
Sophomore year wasn’t a walk in the park. I still struggled to accept the body God had given me. Especially in the world of college running, there are always girls walking around that are taller, more slender, and more toned. But I reminded myself every day that I was blessed with two legs that could carry me over many, many beautiful miles and I had to respect my body by fueling it to do so. My controlling tendencies still crept up every now and then. I still checked calories and refused desserts most of the time. But, little by little, I was healing.
This year has been even more of a shift for me. I transferred schools and met a guy who has showed me that running is not everything. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spent weekend mornings cooking huge brunches with him (even on rest days!) or how many times I’ve baked cookies with him (and eaten several myself!). I eat peanut butter out of the jar, enjoy midnight snacks, and go out for pizza. I’ve never been happier, I’ve never been healthier, and guess what else… I’ve never been faster!
This past season was my best one yet. I PR’d in the mile, the 3K, the 5K, and the 10K and qualified for Regionals! Apparently, the deal is not that skinnier equals faster. STRONGER equals faster. HEALTHIER equals faster. HAPPIER equals faster. I don’t know my weight, I don’t know how many calories I’ve eaten in a day, and I don’t care. All I know is that I fuel myself, I’m loving the miles, and way more importantly, I’m loving life.
God has blessed each and every one of us with not only a beautiful soul, but also a beautiful body. It is our duty to ensure that our bodies stay healthy so that our souls can be joyful. An ED is a thief. It steals that health and, therefore, that happiness by telling us that we have to go against nature and hurt our physical bodies in order to achieve our dreams. An ED is a liar. Don’t listen to it. You are called to live a life of strength, of freedom, of joy. Fuel that life. Love that life. Live that life.
Alright so a LOT of people have asked me what I do to at the gym what my diet is what should you should do as a beginner etc etc.
My Program For my program I am currently working out 4 to 5 times a week. Each day that I go I focus on a different muscle group: Push (Chest/Triceps), Pull (Back/Biceps), and Leg day. I also focus on a power lift, which can be: Bench Press, Deadlift, Overhead Press, or Squats. Along with a power lift I do accessory movements to complement it. Sometimes i’ll add in a few ab workouts but I don’t focus on that and i’ll say why in a sec.
Examples of my workout plans: Push Day: Bench Press, Overhead Press, DB (Dumbell) Incline Press, DB Shoulder Press, Pec (Pectoral) Deck, Dip Machine, Side Lateral Raises, Overhead Tricep Extension, Rope Tricep Extensions, Cable Crossover, etc.
Pull Day: Deadlifts, DB Row, TBar Row, Seated Cable Rows, DB Curl, Rope Hammer Curl, Face Pulls, Lateral Pull Down, Reverse Pec Deck, etc.
Leg Day: Squats, Sumo Deadlift, Calf Raises, Leg Curls, Leg Extensions, Seated Leg Press, Hip Abduction, Hip Adduction.
The usual amount of sets and reps is 3 sets of 15 reps for each of these workouts, HOWEVER, sometimes I will lower the amount of reps and increase the number of sets I’m doing if its a heavy day, meaning I will be lifting heavier weights because yay I am want to be stronger. Most likely this all sounds very scary and complicated but don’t worry! If you don’t know what these are just google them and if it looks fun to you then do it :)
My Diet So my goal is to become lean, which is basically try to remove my fat as much as possible without losing too much muscle. To do this I need to keep track of what I eat. On the nutrition label of every food there is 3 macronutrients: Fats, Carbs, and Protein. This is important because I need to keep track of this if I want to lose fat. Right now I am eating about 600 calories below my BMI (Basal Metabolic Index) which is basically the amount of calories you need to go about your day. Google your BMI to find out how much you need :) I am eating 1600 calories a day AND I am trying to eat my weight in protein. Now I NEED TO DO THIS TO MAINTAIN MY MUSCLE MASS. Right now I weight around 130 lbs so I try to eat at LEAST 130 grams of protein. I am also limiting my fat intake to around 50g. I HIGHLY recommend you download the MyFitnessPal App!!! It makes it 10x easier to track what you eat! So in short I am eating 1600 calories, ~130g of protein, ~200g of carbs, and <50g of fat Now these numbers are dependent on your OWN weight, so if you want to find a good plan you gotta do some math okay? But yeah this is all I can think about at the moment. Good luck to everyone with their gains!
Summary:You’re head over heels for your best friend Bucky and hate the nickname he gave you as it doesn’t exactly scream romance.
Word count: 1878
Warnings:Cursing, low-self esteem, chubby!reader x bucky, idk….
A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I needed some time. I’ve got the next few chapters just about ready to go…and I’m gonna try and make them hurt ;) yay angst!
Natasha successfully slammed you to the mat for the sixteenth time in a row you
finally cried ‘uncle’ and ended the hour long workout/torture session. You’d come here to kickbox and beat the holy
hell out of a bag but a certain spider had other ideas.
deserve this,” you groaned. Your chest
heaved as your lungs strained for breath.
The amorphous blob of a sweatshirt you insisted on wearing while
exercising was soaked with sweat and made you feel as if you were slowly
cooking in one of Hell’s saunas. “This
is why I hate exercising.” Nat extended
a hand to pull you to your feet but you shook your head dramatically on the
mat. “No, just leave me here to
die. I quit. You go out and fight the good fight. I’ll save my skills and start a nice, quiet
dart league or somethin’.” Natasha
rolled her eyes and kicked your leg.
“No, seriously. I retire my
knives to you. My guns, throwing stars,
all of it. Take care of Ferd for
me. Tell him his mummy loved him,” you
wailed with a huge fake sob.
so i tried not posting this but there’s sooo much misinformation on losing weight that pretty much borders on disordered eating n honestly you do not need to be so strict with yourself. yes, all the posts that say to lose weight most of it is done in the kitchen are correct. but fuck all those people that are like carbs are evil, fruit will make you gain weight, etc etc. so i’m gonna fix a few misconceptions about healthy living w/ diet and exercise here.
1. your weight is not a good indicator of how healthy you are. say you’re 200 now, right? and you start going to the gym and blah blah gain some muscle and see you’ve slimmed now in certain areas. but you step on the scale and it says 210. muscle weighs more than fat and it’s much better to go based on how you want your body to LOOK and FEEL than a number.
2. don’t do any x diet. and don’t listen to those people that are like you should be eating under like 1500cals a day!! bc they don’t know shit and that’s super unhealthy unless you’re like a 4'9 female. your diet should be mostly whole foods. don’t make it about calories make it about HEALTH. whole grains, more fruit, more veggies, lean meats, etc. eating dessert 5 times a month or having a carbonated drink here and there will not kill you. but drinking juices, pop, etc is a way to gain weight just due to the amount of calories and no nutritional value that are in them. learn how to read a nutritional label. once you start eating more healthfully, you’ll notice how you don’t have cravings anymore bc you’re fuelling your body correctly.
3. eating less will also stunt your gains. you say you’re eating 2 meals a day and not losing? its bc your metabolism is stunted and keeping onto everything you give it. 3 meals a day and 3 snacks is what’s recommended by HEALTH PROFESSIONALS. just make them healthy, typically i eat bananas, apples, clementines, a bagel w nut butter, or bowl of cereal as a snack.
4. when you work out, find something that you like. if you fucking hate running then don’t run. find something else. there’s plenty of ways to exercise and not hate what you’re doing. find something you enjoy. 3 days of cardio is good though if you want to lose (and it’s just good for your heart, too). no motivation to work out solo? join a club.
5. sleep! prioritize getting at least 6 hours of sleep. you’ll feel so much better and it’s super important in exercise recovery.
6. speaking of, recovery days are IMPORTANT! so, so important. your ankle being kind of finicky and you don’t feel 100%? then don’t go for a run. listen to your body.
Despite being a thinspo/anorexia blog, I would never encourage people to choose my path. All of my followers probably want to lose weight - so here are a few healthy diet tips!
1. NEVER GET TOO HUNGRY - Hunger is a primal urge that’s difficult to deny. When you’re famished, it’s hard to hold off until you can find healthy food. As a result, you end up eating anything that’s not nailed down, and typically, regretting it. Planning meals and snacks works wonders to head off the intense hunger that can do a number on your best intentions to eat right.
2. USE THE RED, ORANGE AND GREEN RULE - At each meal include one food that is any of these colors. By focusing on these foods, you’ll be sure to get some produce on your plate and won’t have space on your plate for higher-calorie fare.
3. DRINK ENOUGH WATER - Water is essential for keeping the body hydrated and we’re actually more likely to retain “water weight” by not drinking enough of it rather than by having too much.
4. KICK THE SALT HABIT - Salt is a big contributor to weight gain and often a reason why the numbers on the scale aren’t going down. The average American consumes twice the amount of salt they should have each day, leading to weight gain, bloating, and the inability to lose stubborn pounds. Salt can also make you feel hungrier and thirstier, so check the nutrition labels for high sodium levels and choose fresh over packaged or restaurant foods. You’ll see a puffy face and belly go down quicker just by cutting back on your sodium intake and choosing more natural foods.
5. DON’T THINK DIET SODA WILL MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT - Just…just don’t, okay?
6. FOCUS ON NUTRIENT BALANCE INSTEAD OF COUNTING ALL THE CALORIES - Making sure an eating occasion has carbs, protein, and fat instead of just counting calories (like a 100 calorie pack) delivers better energy and fat loss results by giving the body what it needs, like quick- and longer-digesting nutrients so you stay full longer.
7. KEEP A FOOD JOURNAL - Keeping a food record is vital to losing weight and keeping it off long term.
I’m 100% sure that Victor cries more in the first year of being engaged/married to Yuuri than he did in the past twelve years combined, but it’s 90% happy tears over every sweet, wonderful, loving thing Yuuri does. He’s just so unused to his life being so full of happiness and love that it fills his heart to bursting and all the excess emotion has nowhere to go but out his tear ducts. He’s a wreck but he’s too happy to care much. He tries really hard to keep himself together at their actual wedding but the minute he sees Yuuri it’s all over for him.
Yuuri is pretty much the same except that he can’t stop smiling every time he looks at Victor. It could be in this most mundane and boring situation, Victor in the grocery store comparing the nutrition labels on two cartons of juice, Victor on his knees in the bathroom scrubbing the toilet, and Yuuri glances over at him and gets this huge lovestruck goofy smile on his face and just can’t stop smiling because THATS HIS HUSBAND, THATS THE MAN HE LOVES AND IS GOING TO SPEND HIS LIFE WITH, CURRENTLY TRYING TO FIX THE CLOG IN THE KITCHEN SINK
When I was first losing weight, I would eat one of these Lenny & Larry peanut butter cookies just about every single day 🍪🔄 - My thinking was that it HAD to be a better choice than a couple of real cookies…. right? 🤔 - Of course, that was before I started educating myself about calories and portion sizes… In fact, it took 3 months of eating these things everyday to notice the “200 calories” Listed on the nutrition label was for one of TWO ✌️total servings‼️ - (Sidenote: what kind of food marketing monsters 😈 would split ONE cookie into TWO servings? Like, who could be that evil? 😢) - Sure the Complete Cookie has more protein, but a 400-calorie cookie with 16g of protein isn’t exactly what I would call a “high-protein snack.” 🙄 - If it were me, I’d rather curb my sweet tooth with 2-4 regular Chips Ahoy cookies and save the extra 200 calories for filling veggies and other lean protein sources 👍 - …
Since 1990, the FDA mandates that all packaged food in the U.S. must feature nutrition labels. We still eat like crap, but at least we know where, or what, that crap comes from. Well, we think we do, at any rate. See, the FDA knows that no two cookies are exactly the same. That means the nutrient content can slightly vary even between two packages of the same product. So naturally, they allow nutrition labels a small margin of error to account for these differences. These “small” margins? They can be up to 20 percent.
Although this doesn’t automatically mean everything you eat has 20 percent more calories than it says on the packaging, we have an inkling which side most companies err on. If these lax standards bother you, perhaps you’ll be comforted by the fact that it doesn’t matter. There’s no process in place for regularly auditing food nutrition labels, so it could all easily be lies.