nutella in a jar

I both confessed to my dad that I was pretty sure I was only into girls and ate Nutella straight out of the jar in front of him and he just proved unconditional parental love is real

.

As the oldest brother of six I’d like to present y’all with some broganes headcanons
  •  Shiro just, constantly teasing Keith about his crush… like, CONSTANTLY
    • “Keith, you look at Lance like he’s a titanium bowie knife or some shit just tell him you wanna kiss his stupid face and get over it”
    • “Keith, when Lance gets near you so much blood runs to your face if you got so much as a paper cut you’d probably bleed to death, its not good for battle”
    • “Im not that smitten takashit so fuck off” “You had the words ‘Keith Mcclain’ written on your notebook for the entirety of your time at the Garrison.”
    • Shiro impersonating how Keith’s voice gets lower and more macho™ around Lance
    • “Your crush on lance reminds me of the time you stanned shark boy from shark boy and lava girl in middle school” “Hey, Shark Boy made me gay watch what you say” “Im gonna read your fanfic at your guys’ wedding” “Say what you please as long as you burn all copies of Loves Bites”
  • Keith thinks it’s so strange when everybody sees him as this High Figure Of Command Who You Dont Mess With™ because Keith knows way too much abt him to see him like that.
    • “God Shiro’s so cool I wish i was like him.” “Senior year of high school Shiro ate a can of cheez whiz for lunch every. day.”
    • “How can Shiro be such an adult, he’s so responsible” “Are you kidding me? He once put a jar of nutella in the microwave cause he wanted to melt it to make chocolate sauce for his ice cream and almost burnt the house down.”
    • “Shiro’s so composed” “On his first date with Matt, he closed his eyes to kiss him good bye and kissed his glasses”
  • Shiro trying everything he can think of to try to help Keith hit on Lance
    • “How’d you get with Matt?” “You’re asking the epitome of the wrong guy, I dont even know” “Didn’t you like, write him a letter to ask for his number” “I asked pidge for their address, wrote a letter, stamped it and mailed it with the words ‘Lemme get them digits’ enclosed cause i thought it’d be cool….”
    • “Shiro how do I even know he’s even BI! The dude barley even so much at looks at dudes…” “He said ‘razzle dazzle’ while flying keith. razzle fucking dazzle
  • Eventually Shiro is just done and starts trying to take matters into his own hands
    • “Lance, top ten Man crushes go.” 
    • “Lance you need to start getting along better with Keith, maybe just go into Black with , him go for a ride together, stop on a nice alien planet, have a picnic, stare into each others eyes, realize you l-” ‘TAKASHI
    • “Lance, hypothetically speaking, if you had to kiss one person on the team, who would u choose :3?”
  • Keith is really into pokemon and whenever Shiro tries to participate and be supportive he embarrasses himself
    • “I wanna open up a real life pokemon gym” “What theme would it be? like bug?” “YEAH SHIRO, UH UH UH YEAH, TAKASHI, IM GONNA OPEN UP A BUG TYPE POKEMON GYM. YOU IDIOT. THAT’S WHAT I WANT, I WANT TO SHIT OUT BADGES TO EVERY HAM AND EGGER WHO COMES TO MY FRONT DOOR. ‘go caterpie!’ That’s me you fucking imbecile. “Do your best kakuna” “…. I’m gonna go”
study snacks for cramming and all-nighters

first of all, the important thing here is that you actually eat. your body is being deprived of rest, and it’s going to need more fuel than usual to keep going. as tempting as it is to eat an entire party sized bag of m&ms in one study session, you’re going to need protein so that your brain and body can function properly

nuts: one of the easiest options out there. plenty of protein, good for you, and effortless to eat. grab a big bowl of them and keep it next to you while studying so you can grab a handful every few minutes

berries or sliced fruit: look, just eating fruits and veggies will make you feel healthy and put together. they have tons of nutrients and taste great. just be careful to not stain your notes with juice!

raw veggies: if you want to go for maximum healthiness, try chopping up a red pepper or cucumber, or getting a bowl of baby carrots or cherry tomatoes. they’re crunchy, satisfying, and taste surprisingly good

eggs: you can make them a thousand different ways, and it takes less than ten minutes to cook and eat them. great source of protein and perfect to scarf down during a study break

if you want something less healthy that still has some nutritional value

peanut butter and nutella: my go-to when i’m in need of something substantial to eat but i just want chocolate. mix about 1/3 of a jar of peanut butter and 1/3 of a jar of nutella in a bowl until they’re evenly blended, and eat the mixture by the spoonful (maybe add in strawberries if you’re feeling healthy)

hot chocolate: hey, at least the milk has a bit of protein in it. needing more protein is a totally valid reason to drink seven cups in one night, but please brush your teeth afterwards

milk and cookies: again, milk. and solid food. be careful to not get drops of milk on your papers! (black tea with milk and sugar is great with cookies too)

and realistically, sometimes you just need to eat crap

ice cream: just dump an entire pint into a bowl, bring it into your room, and eat the whole thing. it’ll make you marginally happier about doing homework

ice cream bars: like ice cream, but they make you feel a little bit more like you’ve got your shit together. same goes for popsicles, and you can buy a ton of them for pretty cheap

hard candies and lollipops: justified by the fact that you’re not looking away from your work every few seconds to get another bite, and sour flavors can keep you awake and feeling lively

chips and salsa: if you’re going to be up all night studying, you might as well make it feel like a bit of a party. bonus points if you make your own fresh salsa

microwave popcorn: heaven on earth, to be honest. it is incredibly salty though, so definitely be sure to have a glass of water or two on hand

have fun snacking, and be careful to not get food all over your notes!!

  • ashton 2017: Concentrate on being enough for you, connect with you, develop yourself, become the most beautiful you, whatever it takes.
  • ashton 2014: I'm gonna break open this jar of nutella with aerodynamic nose
Did anyone say idiotic fluff prompts?

‘I heard a high pitched whine and ran in to see you crying over a picture of a kitten and a puppy hugging yes i know that is cute but are you okay’
alternatively: ‘I started whining with you’

‘Hey I noticed you were down so here’s a box of kittens don’t ask me where i got them but we gotta return them before sunrise no it wasn’t illegal shhh h’

'Yes I killed this man but he was a bad owner and now his animal is mine and perfectly happy so I don’t see the problem’

'Are you reenacting Bet In It from High School Musical as a way of making this decision?’

'You’ve been wearing gym clothes all day but haven’t moved at all what do you mean its a 'mindset’ no you need to actually move’

'Can you take this seriously what no i don’t care if there’s a dog this is a crime scene’

'It was a normal day until you rolled in blasting the 'maria hee maria ha’ song and I’m so done’

‘If you don’t stop singing ‘Poker Face’ I will make sure you will have no flippin face’

‘Person C playing ‘Pony’ every time Person A and B have a moment of sexual tension’

‘Is that an alligator?!’ ‘Hey, show some manners, his name is Lieutenant Fred!’

‘I made a blanket fort and you can’t come in unless you admit I’m the best and my moves are the funkiest’

‘I know how to settle this; DANCE OFF’

‘Will you stop stroking my hair and whispering ‘my precious’?!”

‘What’s your favorite book?’ ‘Fifty Shades of Gray’ ‘Okay, another question, are you trying to make me shoot you?’ ‘Yes.’

‘Did you seriously learn the book word-by-word and do all possible research just to be able to sass your teacher when he thinks you don’t know anything?’

‘I stole your seat and in retaliation you sat on me’

‘You know, you’re not supposed to EAT THEM ALL AT ONCE, YOU COULD DIE’ ‘Your skin is like a pillow, are you an angel?’ ‘Great, now you’re high’

‘How many coffee’s did you have???’ ‘At least eleven’

‘Help me find my shirt’ ‘You know, as much as I want to…I don’t want to.’

‘Would you stop chatting with the fricking enemy

‘Are you eating a whole jar of Nutella in one sitting?!’ ‘I have problems leave me be’

‘Why am I the only sober one at this party and you’re completely wasted and clumsily flirting with me god at least you won’t remember my blushing’

‘You can’t just use ‘I have problems’’ as an excuse for everything!’

‘Did you just bake 20 fricking breads?’ ‘No…. I named them too, this is Breadly, Demi Loafato, Attila the Bun…’

Hoseok

BOYFRIEND BANGTAN | HOSEOK VERSION 

WORD COUNT: 1,534

FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF with the lightest most PG mention of sex

Originally posted by syubto

masterlist | ask

Keep reading

Some Things Kent Parson Has Said to the Rookies While Drunk:

1. “My cat is more beautiful than all of you ugly fuckers combined and if you don’t think so then everyone can suck it and get out of my house,” then proceeded to cry into a random rookie’s arms for no particular reason.

2. “I just want to eat cereal out of the Cup again. I ask for so little–” (”Parser, you said if your future spouse doesn’t buy you a ring with a diamond that’s bigger than your face, you’ll blow your brains out.”) “……Get out of my house.” 

3. “See that guy over there? I’m going to climb him like a tree. Hold my drink.” (“No, Parser–”) “If I don’t come out of the bathroom in ten minutes, assume that I’ve died by dick–” (“Jesus, I’m taking you home.”)

4. “Fuck, I have to dance. It’s Britney. This is my moment.” (”Kent, please don’t–” Kent slaps the rookie’s hands away.) “My loneliness is killing me–don’t fucking touch me, James–

5. (Post-bar hopping. A rookie is petting Kent’s hair, hoping that he’ll go to sleep soon, but Kent shoots right up for a brief moment.) “You guys are the best teammates a guy can ask for. Thanks for taking me home. Please don’t leave me alone. I love everyone. Except you, James. But only because you used all my Nutella and put the jar back. You think I wouldn’t notice? What the fuck, man.”

BONUS +1, at the Parson-Mashkov wedding:
“You know, the diamond he got wasn’t the size of my face. But that’s okay, because he’s got a huge–” ( “Okay, Parser, we know, your husband has a huge fucking dick. Congrats.”) “What? No. I was going to say, ‘huge heart.’ You fucking sickos. Stop thinking about my husband’s penis.” (”We weren’t.”) “It is pretty fucking big though.” (”God, Parser, why would you–” All rookies and Kent chug their drinks.)

THE BEST ESSAY ADVICE YOU WILL EVER GET

Yo peeps, so as you can probably tell, I’m about to blow your mind. You might want to sit down, grab some water, you know, keep yourself hydrated. Maybe do a few stretches.

Now that you’re all ready, let’s begin! A girl who wrote about hotdogs and Costco got into Stanford and most Ivy League Schools, a student who wrote about his love for food got into Stanford, while Cornell’s admissions officer’s favorite essays were about lint and failing the driver’s test four times. Observing a pattern here? All these people chose kind of silly topics to write about. You might be wondering, “Yo,why would I want to sound stupid in front of the admissions officer, this doesn’t make sense!” . Well, that’s a valid argument. Now read this excerpt from one of the essays I mentioned above.

“While enjoying an obligatory hot dog, I did not find myself thinking about the ‘all beef’ goodness that Costco boasted. I instead considered finitudes and infinitudes, unimagined uses for tubs of sour cream, the projectile motion of said tub when launched from an eighty foot shelf or maybe when pushed from a speedy cart by a scrawny seventeen year old. I contemplated the philosophical: If there exists a thirty-­three ounce jar of Nutella, do we really have free will? I experienced a harsh physics lesson while observing a shopper who had no evident familiarity of inertia’s workings. With a cart filled to overflowing, she made her way towards the sloped exit, continuing to push and push while steadily losing control until the cart escaped her and went crashing into a concrete column, 52” plasma screen TV and all. Purchasing the yuletide hickory smoked ham inevitably led to a conversation between my father and me about Andrew Jackson’s controversiality"

Yes, yes, she’s literally talking about hot dogs and Costco. Now don’t underestimate her, this girl got accepted to 5 Ivy League Schools and Stanford. Jeez, that’s impressive. So now, you might be thinking , “Okay, enough of this, just get to the juicy part, give us the magic potion!” . Luckily enough for you, I’m getting to the point.

If you want to write an essay that slays everyone else’s like Beyoncé, first you gotta be true to yourself. You’re 17 or 18, you don’t want to end poverty or save the world. Maybe you enjoy pepperoni pizza, maybe you love watching horror films, maybe you love shopping at Macy’s, whatever it is, write about it.

The key is to choose a seemingly silly topic and present it in an intellectual light. Your ability to turn something silly into something genius will impress them and make you more memorable. In order to do that, you need to have a lot of knowledge about the topic you chose, which is why you need to be true to yourself. But then again, don’t write a pointless essay, don’t tell the officers that you can stuff 20 cheese balls in your mouth. Although I think it’s impressive, the admissions officer will beg to differ.

So there’s the secret formula to write a winning essay. Best of luck and I hope you get into your dream school!

Diyanshu Emandi

Alternatives for Jars in Witchcraft

So jar spells seem to be a dime a dozen (and I love them as much as anyone)  but I was going through my witchy supplies the other day and I was baffled with how much space was taken up by empty jars I’ve never got round to filling and making into a proper jar spell. I’ve realised I use other methods of containing spells far more frequently, for the times I don’t want the residual sweetness of nutella to influence my spell.

So I present to you alternatives to jars. They will contain your spell just as well, some might even be better suited.

1) Cardboard box. Tampon box, cereal box, cereal bar box, I was presented a wine stopper in a box with a window on the front of the box and got very excited. All 100% degradable and thus suitable for any spells you wish to bury outside. Also very flammable for the spells you want to burn.

2) Tupperware tubs. (Or if you’re thrifty, margarine/ice cream tubs, or take away tubs)

3)Toilet/kitch roll tubes (optional: sealed at the ends) also bury-able and burnable.

4) Empty biros! I’m especially thinking of this kind with the screw-on end. Carefully hold a flame where the nib pokes out the other end and you have a tiny vial of spell. This will also help cut down on any ingredient wastage & is very hide-able if you’d rather folk not know you’re practising.

5) Candy/mints tin - usually included in posts to say gr8 for travel altar/on the go witching. Also good for spell!

6) Also if you want to mavguiver lids you can use the tins from tinned food. Or yoghurt pots! (little ones especially that don’t usually come with lids you can put back on)

7) Empty bottles! Wine bottles, booze bottles in general, soda, milk, bottled drinks far and wide. These also have a nice capacity for becoming a rattle if you like to use sound in your practise, milk bottles especially, since it’s not usually practical to completely fill a big 6L capacity milk bottle.

8) Pill boxes. Whether you’re someone who takes meds on a daily basis or not, pill boxes also sometimes have times of day/days of the week printed on them, if you want to work a spell at a specific time or day, or if your working goes on over consecutive days.

9)Again if you want to Macgyver lids, the lids of aerosols like hairspray and deodorant make handy little containers.

10) Jewellry boxes - if your spell requires a little glitz and/or glamour, a velvet lined jewellry box and your finest jewels for neighbours might give it a bit of a kick. *See point 15*

11) Music boxes - similar to jewellry boxes, bonus twinkly plinky plonky music for added Vibe. Again, if you’re into using sound this is a gr8 option.

12) Pockets! With a little sewing know how, you can cut the pockets out of old clothes and sew them shut and use them to contain your spell. Depending on what clothes you cannibalise for this, there can be some added interesting associations that might be applicable to your spells - what better way to honour your old favourite knackered pair of jeans than to take the pockets and use them to contain an everyday safety and comfort spell?

13) old lip balm/lipstick containers - if you ever in your life get to finish an entire chapstick or lipstick. Again, it being something you used frequently can add to the spell. Also, depending on flavour there can be added associations. Alternatively, finding one you bought and never use and gutting it of its contents to make it a spell container can be pretty symbolic.

14) Lip balm/vaseline pocket tins - similar to the candy tins, but again i’d be tempted to use these tins for perhaps a glamour.

15) zip lock bags - These are handy as well because you might be hesitant to fill your jewelry box/music box with herbs etc. Stick ‘em in a zip lock bag, stick the bag in the box. boosh. Draw a sigil on the bag in a sharpie and you’ve got yourself LAYERS of spell!

16) Envelopes - they’re pennies.  Floatable, burnable, buryable, you can write on them with anything, scribble sigils, whatever. my go-to for literally everything.

Jars do not have the monopoly on being great at containing spells, friends. Please do add on anything you can think of that I’ve missed.

NCT 127 As Things My Friends Have Said

Originally posted by nakamotens

Taeyong: “You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella. You’re more like a jar of vegemite.”

Doyoung: “All of a sudden I had all these people looking at me and whispering and I literally thought my nudes had leaked. I’ve never even taken nudes…..I think.”

Jaehyun: “Oh shut up and go sit on a cactus, you jerk.”

WinWin: “It said not to try it at home, so, of course, I came to your house to do it.”

Yuta: “It’s okay if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.”

Taeil: “How are we supposed to have a baby shower? We can’t give the baby a shower if it hasn’t been born yet.”

Haechan: “Some people just need a pat on the back…while standing at the edge of a staircase….or a skyscraper.”

Mark: “Isn’t it super strange to you that we have one hand that can do almost anything we need it to and then the other can’t even use a pencil?”

Johnny: “Sometimes I feel like a Raisin Cream Pie in a world full of Fudge Rounds.” 

top 10 places i’ve blacked out and misplaced objects that took me either hours, days, months, or years to find:

  1. my glasses inside my sneakers
  2. an entire pizza inside my bed (lost it within 30 seconds of having it handed to me and yet took me 2 hours to find)
  3. another entire pizza except this time wedged in between all the pots and pans inside my kitchen cabinet
  4. tv remote inside the basement freezer
  5. my ipod behind my playstation (took 2 years to find it)
  6. one of my leather belts that i later found inside a box i taped closed at work
  7. my wallet inside a bag of rice
  8. an unopened jar of nutella in my closet
  9. my 10$ bill neatly placed under our heavy printer
  10. phone and wireless computer mouse inside the microwave

what will i lose next and where?? only time will tell

Andrew discovers Nutella
  • so Andrew has a thing for sugar
  • and one day the Foxes go grocery shopping
  • they needed food and Neil and Renee thought it would be a good opportunity for team bonding
    • it’s a disaster, really
    • it’s Kevin vs. the rest of the Foxes minus Andrew
    • Kevin says they need healthy food (I digress)
  • ANYWAY
  • since Andrew is a little asshole and Kevin is also an asshole, Andrew decides he needs to find the unhealthiest looking thing in the whole damn store
  • then Andrew sees this innocent-looking jar that says “Nutella” and has a wonderful picture of bread and a knife and chocolate
  • he drops it in the cart (and almost hit Nicky in the face; he was in the cart, pretending to be a queen with his own carriage and something like that)
  • Kevin tries to put it back on the shelf and almost dies
  • no one takes Andrew’s Nutella away from him, especially not Kevin with his Queen Of Health attitude
  • Andrew becomes addicted to this stuff
  • Kevin goes on and on about how Nutella is Bad For Your Health and how Exy is a demanding sport that requires good health
  • Andrew doesn’t care
  • he puts Nutella on everything
  • bananas, burritos, sandwiches, you name it
  • Neil thinks it’s gross but he doesn’t say anything about it because Andrew is adorable sitting on a beanbag with a spoon and this gigantic jar of Nutella
  • Andrew melts Nutella and puts in on his ice cream
    • cue Kevin’s agonized screams when he sees his five-foot tall goalkeeper with a bowl of vanilla ice cream and Nutella on top
  • and Neil licking Nutella off of Andrew’s lips which lead to something steamy later on
  • since Matt is a good teammate, he decides to try Nutella
    • he doesn’t eat any of Andrew’s, of course
    • he buys his own
  • Matt thinks it’s heaven in food form (Dan is heaven in human form for him)
  • he tells the other upperclassmen to try it
    • Renee thinks it is okay; Allison claims she hates it she doesn’t, and Dan agrees with Matt and Andrew
  • Andrew notices a jar of Nutella on the kitchen counter in the girls’ room when he goes to get Renee for something
  • he doesn’t comment but checks his stash to see if they stole any of his
  • Nicky is a Good Older Cousin so he has to try this Nutella stuff
  • and of course, Nicky loves it too
  • Nicky tries to get Aaron to try it
    • he fails
  • Neil already knows what Nutella tastes like due to kissing Andrew all the time
  • Kevin feels betrayed
  • the end

anonymous asked:

Since you mentioned it, Ironhawk college AU where everyone thinks tony and Clint are just friends and Tony has a terrible reputation for being a slut but it turns out he and Clint have been monogamous for YEARS and it's just rumors.

Send all your love and praise to @summerpipedream. They beta read this fic (and did a fantastic job). Without them this fic probably would not have been posted for a few more days, so thank you, summerpipedream. <3

Freshman Year

“So, how would you feel if we stored the XL twin beds and we got bunk beds instead.” Tony, Clint’s new roommate, motioned at said twin beds as he stood in the middle of their dorm room. They had bumped in each other as they had been moving in, and learned that neither one of them had a parent or friend helping them, so they’d spent most of the afternoon bringing in their boxes of stuff and building a fort instead of setting up their room.

Clint was currently rearranging one of the walls of said fort. “I can chip in to pay for bunk beds, but unless you can afford to pay the storage fee, we’re sticking to the twin beds.”

“So bunk beds it is.” Tony clapped his hands together. “You can even take top bunk. I like to stay up late, so if I’m on the bottom bunk you won’t notice the light from my computer as much. I can even put up a sheet.”

“Seriously?” Tony was going to pay for storage and let Clint have top bunk? Either Tony was the best roommate ever, or this was some sort of trap and Tony was going to be the worst roommate ever.

Tony nodded, then gestured to the wall where one of the twin beds was located. “We can put a TV over there. I’ll pay for cable, unless you’re already set up for a streaming service.”

“Dude! Are you for real?”

Tony pinched himself. “I feel real.”

A smile spread across Clint’s face. “I think I’ve just fallen in love with you a little.”

Sophomore Year

“So, you up for it?” Bobbi shouted over the music and drank from her party cup. She nodded at the yellow laminated paper dangling from his neck.

It was the makeout party of the year. Everyone had to wear tags: green, yellow, or red. Red signified no kissing allowed at all, yellow was “ask first,” and green was “go for it.”

Tony and Clint had discussed it. Both had been tempted to wear green, but they had agreed it would be better to wear yellow instead.

Clint considered Bobbi. She was attractive. Very attractive. He really wanted to kiss her, but Tony had made a comment two weeks ago that he thought Bobbi had a crush on Clint. Even if it was a makeout party with no strings attached, Clint didn’t want to risk the fall out.

Besides, he had a suspicion there was a reason why Tony had brought up the crush.

“Sorry. Tempting, but my significant other might not be happy.”

“You have a girlfriend?” Bobbi frowned and cocked her head. “How come I’ve never seen her?”

Clint just smiled.

“Clint!” Tony shouted over the music as he barreled toward Clint. He shoved people aside, only pausing to grab someone wearing a green tag by the face to kiss them loudly and comically, then push them away.

Tony threw himself at Clint, his arms flopping over Clint’s shoulder and around his waist. He kissed Clint messily around his mouth, his lips never quite landing on Clint’s just right. His breath reeked of alcohol. “I love you. This party is awesome. You’re awesome. So glad we agreed to this.”

Finally, Tony’s lips found Clint’s and he shoved his tongue into Clint’s mouth.

Clint sputtered and pushed Tony’s face away. He laughed when Tony pouted at him. “You were using your tongue like my mouth was the bottom of a Nutella jar with the last bit of chocolate inside.”

“Hey, Tony,” Bobbi started hesitantly, “Clint is wearing yellow.” She pointed to Clint’s tag for Tony.

Tony scrunched his face, his alcohol addled brain not comprehending. “I think you’re missing something, Bobbi.”

Clint waved away Bobbi’s concern. “It’s okay, Tony can kiss me whenever he wants, as long as I’m not mad at him.”

Tony grinned. “Isn’t he great?” Tony asked Bobbi.

Bobbi gave them an odd look. Like she didn’t know quite what to make of them. “Yeah.”

Junior Year

“Looks like Tony’s made a new friend.” Sam chuckled as he elbowed Clint in the side.

Clint looked up from his stir fry bowl.

Tony was chatting with Helen Cho from his Cellular and Molecular Biology class outside of the checkout line for cafeteria food. The two were laughing. Helena hugged her tray in one arm then reached into her pocket with the other. She pulled out a pen. Tony offered his arm for her to write on.

“Damn.” Sam smirked at Bucky across the table. “Tony may have more game than you.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re still single.” Bucky snatched a fry off of Sam’s plate.

“Quality, Bucky. That’s what I’m looking for.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t have fun while looking.”

Tony and Helen had separated. Tony headed over to Clint’s table.

Clint smiled and nudged Sam to scoot over to make room for Tony.

With a grunt, Sam did so. “So how’s the new girlfriend?” Sam teased Tony.

Tony rolled his eyes. “More like lab partner.” Tony sat beside Clint. Tony had only been seated for a second when he wrapped his ankle around Clint’s under the table. “Clint’s the only person for me.”

Tony pecked Clint on the cheek.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “We get it. You two are soulmate-roommates. No need to kiss each other in front of us.”

Clint and Tony shared a look and grinned.

Clint grabbed Tony’s face and gave him a hard, messy kiss that went on until Sam threw his french fries at their faces.

Tony and Clint laughed as they broke apart.  

Senior Year

“Clint. Tony,” Steve spoke like he was talking to a potential jumper who was standing on the edge of a rooftop. “We all know you love each other.”

“Maybe a little too much,” Rhodey added.

Steve sent Rhodey an annoyed look, and Rhodey sent it right back.

“Listen, you two can’t marry each other just because you make good roommates,” Sam cut in when he saw Steve and Rhodey headbutting.

“I don’t see why not,” said Tony, who was pacing his dorm room as he looked up wedding venues on his tablet.

Clint laid sprawled on the couch, his chin resting purposefully in his hand to show off the gold band around his finger. “I think it’s the perfect reason. I mean, we have been dating for almost four years now, and we clearly enjoy living together, so why not-”

“What!” Steve, Rhodey, and Sam shouted in unison.

Clint smirked. “Have you three really been this oblivious?”

Tony scoffed. “More like they assumed I was banging every girl I talked to.”

Clint feigned ignorance. “But the kissing, Tony. We kiss all the time. We’ve even held hands when walking. For the last two years we’ve gone on vacations with each other for the holidays. We also share clothes and stuff. I feel like we’ve been pretty blatant.”

Tony gave the trio a pointed look. “I don’t know why they’ve never figured it out. All I know is, none of them should become detectives.”

“This has gotta be a prank,” Sam said.

Rhodey shook his head. “Nope. I know when Tony is lying. He’s serious. Congrats, you two. Sorry, for being a thick dumbass.”

“Does anyone else feel like everything they know is a lie?” Steve asked.

Sam huffed and clapped his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I feel you on that. However, you have to admit, looking back on it, it does seem obvious. We should have questioned them when they started talking about sharing showers to conserve water.”

“Or you know, when we both answered the door naked that one time,” Tony added.

“So, do you three think our last name should be hyphenated, or should we make up an awesome last name?” Clint asked. “How about ‘Legend of Zelda’ for a last name?”

“Only if both of us change our middle names to ‘the’,” Tony responded.

Clint looked up at Tony adoringly. “You complete me.”

Pillow Fort (M)

Summary: Date night with Taehyung takes a pleasant turn, not that you’re complaining.
Pairing: Taehyung | Reader
Genre: Fluff/Smut
Word Count: 4,439
Author’s Note: I feel like once you’ve opened the gates of knowing you’re capable of writing (trashy) smut it just… it doesn’t go away and that idea is ruining my life so I wrote this. For science. Basically you and Taehyung have (a lot of) sex in a pillow fort, because I’m single and frustrated. Enjoy.

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To say you are excited would be an understatement as you take the stairs up to the dorms two at a time, your bag swinging at your side with each hop but you don’t care, even as breathing starts to become harder as your muscles start to ache after every step. Your lungs are working beyond what constitutes as a normal, everyday walk for you, but you are dashing down the hallway as soon as you reach the landing at the top of the stairs. You can feel your heartbeat in your ear, footsteps pounding against the floor, sure to disrupt all the neighbors who can hear the echo but you don’t give a fuck.

How could you possibly care, especially when your emotions have positively skyrocketed into the air with a simple phone call, that bright-eyed smile refusing to dip out from your face, your heart racing for more reasons than one as you watch the numbers of each apartment fly by.

Until finally you reach it.

You stop dead in your tracks, the wind catching up to you to ruffle hair as you stand with flushed cheeks, heaving chest, parted lips—locks in your mouth. You take in the apartment number, running the digits through your mind even though you already have the combination long memorized. You bite your lip as your heart continues to ram in your chest, fingers lifting up to curl at the hair sticking in your mouth to pull it down.

As soon as the hair is out of your mouth, you forget to straighten your clothes or your hair or wait until you’ve calmed down considerably. You’re still standing, heaving as if you’ve just ran miles and miles, fist raising up before you pound on the door.

It’s only a few seconds before the individual on the other side swings open the door, no ounce of hesitation in the gesture much like had it been with you, revealing Kim Taehyung—messy hair, bright eyes, cheeks flushed and his own chest heaving even though he’s only had to flutter from the couch to the door. But you’ve never seen a sight more beautiful, more perfect, and your heart sings from the sight of his physical presence.

Keep reading

Momo: I’m gonna try to break the world record for most amount of Nutella eaten in 5 minutes. 

Mina: Momo the record is 17 jars. I know you can eat really well but don’t you think that’s too much?

Momo: I think I can handle 18 jars Mina

{an hour later}

JYP representative: Momo is currently recovering in the hospital of what the doctor prescribed as sugar poisoning