nurse jokes

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School nurses be like

2

Look, I know I’m not funny, okay?

Anyways, my friend was telling me about how she went to this party and everyone tried to greet her, but she just got really serious and said “I’m motherfuckin’ starboy” before turning around and leaving immediately and I was like “wow that’s the most Derek Malik Nurse thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life” so I present to you:

Nursey literally does this for two weeks straight after the song comes out because he thinks he’s funny or something and everyone is so fed up w him but lowkey, Dex thinks it’s dumb and funny and cute and will like snicker every time Nursey does it so uhhhh he continues doing it just to make Dex laugh. Okay now fastforward a few months, they’re dating, Dex does not find it funny anymore.  

Don’t forget to take sanity breaks: going to the gym or finding reasons to smile and laugh! Have to get some comic relief after all that studying!

I’ll Be Your Nurse

Request:

“Babe, i’m sick.. so don’t kiss me” … “I don’t care, we’ll just be sick together” with percy? if you can’t/wont do it it’s fine. have a greatt day

Warning? Slight Language




Fantastic.

You knew you shouldn’t have gone hiking with Percy, especially since the weather called for rain showers non-stop today. It started raining as soon as you were a mile away from camp with no shelter in sight except for a pricey hotel that wouldn’t even allow you in the lobby with your lack of mortal money. Now here you are, laying under a number of blankets brought up to your chin, hair sticky with sweat from your fever, and nose stuffy and running rapidly which was the reason behind the piles of dirty tissues in the trash bin beside your bed.

You tossed off the covers you so desperately needed only a minute ago while moaning about how hot you felt, swiping your forehead weakly and calling out for Will who was supposed to be taking care of you.

You propped yourself up on your elbows and peered around with a lazy gaze, “Will?” You croaked out, clutching your throat in pain. The only response you were given was silence and the occasional clanking of metal from the infirmary beds filled with injured campers.

You huff and swing your legs out from under the sheets and are greeted with the cold hardwood floor as you made your way– rather shakily– through the infirmary and out into the seemingly empty big house, “Chiron? Mr. D?”

No answer.

You groan out in pain when your head begins to throb in pain which started to obscure your already hazy vision. You lean against the wall, exhausted and feeling the need to vomit anything that was left in your already empty stomach.

“What are you doing?! Oh gods, let’s get you back to bed.” You hear someone say in a panicky voice just before you’re hoisted up onto your feet by strong arms. Now that you’re thinking about it, these arms felt familiar…

“You are so lucky I love you or else I’d be dragging you back by your arms.” Was that… Percy? You shake your head in an attempt to clear your vision enough to identify your nurse but it was no use.

You felt the slightly damp sheets of your bed from where you were sweating out your fever, inwardly groaning at the feeling of grossness and turning over on your side once the person had laid you down with a disapproving click of their tongue.

“Get some rest, dimwit.” You heard as you drifted into dreamland.

You were already planning his murder once you’re well.

You awoke later that day feeling slightly less like death than you did yesterday. Your head had ceased to throb and your fever had calmed down due to you sweating out the fever earlier that day.

“Look who’s up, rise and shine, sweetheart.” You heard a  tired voice chuckle. You turn your head and notice Percy sitting on a backward chair with his head resting on his crossed arms, “You feeling better?”

You nod and rub your eyes sleepily, “I still feel like death, but not as bad as yesterday. Was that you that helped me out last night?” You questioned with a raised brow and turning over to look at him dead on, “I could’ve sworn that was you, I can’t really remember it clearly, though.”

Percy cocked his head to the side, “Since you’re feeling better…” He trailed off, looking to the side before snapping his gaze back to you, “What the Hades were you thinking?! You could’ve passed out face first into the ground and broken your face or something.” He lectured very similarly to how a worrisome mother would, “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

You snickered and nodded, “Yeah that’s my life goal.” You loved teasing Percy, he was always so stressed about… well everything so it was sort of your “job” to destress him.

“Hardy har har, I’m serious about this Y/n.” He scolded with crossed arms, his brows furrowed in concern and his hair a mess from where he had carded his fingers through it from worry. He sighed and placed his head in his hands, rubbing his face before looking up at you through his long lashes, “This cold of yours can get worse if you aren’t taking care of yourself, Will said so himself..”

You sat up much to Percy’s protests and clasped his hands in your own, looking down at his hands while you spoke softly, “Percy I’m sorry. You can’t keep stressing yourself out over me, though, I’ll be okay.” You assure with a small smile in his direction, “Will’s a good doctor so I’m sure I’ll be up and training in no time.”

Percy shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed, his lips pressing into a thin line as he debated on what to do with you. He sighed and brushed away stray (h/c) strands that hung in front of your tired eyes, “Will’s good but he’s busy, I won’t let you stay here by yourself since you can’t seem to stay in bed,” He sassed.

You rolled your eyes and pushed his hand back to him, “Percy you are not staying here with me, I’m fine.” You laid back onto the not so fluffy pillow and turned away from him out of irritation.

Not long after you had turned your back to the bright-eyed boy you felt the bed sink behind you as a sun-kissed arm laced around your waist, a kiss being placed behind your ear. He sighed and nuzzled the nape of your neck with his nose, “Y/n, I’m just worried about you. It’s my fault you’re sick in the first place, if I hadn’t forced you to come hiking with me then you wouldn’t be sick.” He mumbled apologetically.

Now you just felt bad, mentally and physically. All he wanted to do was help and you had pushed him away rudely, how much of a bitch are you? You turn in his grip to face the upset looking demigod, “It’s not your fault, Perce. I’m just being bitchy because I’m sick, that’s all. Thank you for being here, though,” You said with a small close-lipped smile.

Percy grinned lopsidedly and started to lean in when you held your mouth to his lips, shocking him, “Babe, I’m sick… so don’t kiss me.”

He rolled his eyes and removed your hand and kissed your palm while looking into your eyes mischievously, “I don’t care, we’ll just be sick together.” He spoke with a small chuckle before planting his salty tasting lips on to your own chapped ones.




“Achoo!” Percy sneezed, his nose bright red and his usual bright sea green eyes now drooping and tired as he weakly glared at the ceiling. You snickered as you held some nectar in a cup, the straw in front of his dry lips, “I told you not to kiss me, fish brain, now look what happened.”

He grumbled and sucked on the straw, perking up when the sweet liquid hit his tongue. You pulled the straw away when you realized his self-control had vanished when that fever hit him last night. He whined and pouted at you, his eyes glowing and forming that baby seal look that he mastered.

“At least I have a hot nurse, maybe all those cartoons weren’t lying.” He smirked and shot a wink at you which normally would have caused you to roll your eyes at his flirty nature but this time he just looked like a flirty old man. You scoffed and placed the glass down on the side table, “Yeah, your nurse is super hot,” you said slyly before backing up and calling out, “Will!”

Percy’s eyes widened at your action and tried to yell at you, but all that came out was a cough.

Will shuffled over to Percy while drying his hands with a dish cloth, “Alright Perce, time for some rest. Y/n you can go now, I’ll be his nurse today.” He joked, not knowing why you were laughing so hard and why Percy looked absolutely horrified.




*I hope this is good enough >·<  

~Day~