By the time Sam and Dean walked in, two bottles of wine, three of tequila, half a 750cl of Scotch and more beer cans than they cared to count littered the table in front of you and Cas.
“Jesus. What are you two doing?!” Dean’s stare immediately went to you for answers. After all, you were sober as a nun.
“Getting Cas drunk,” you replied. It was pretty obvious, wasn’t it?
“Why?” asked Sam.
Because you had been bored. Because Cas told you it practically couldn’t be done. Because it was about time the angel took a break from bearing a world of guilt on his shoulders and had a little fun.
But you didn’t get to say any of that. Dean had interrupted with a loud, “Aw, man! I was saving this!”
He yanked the bottle of Scotch from Cas’s hand. It didn’t take much effort. The angel’s coordination was desperately lacking.
“For what?” you asked.
“Special occasion,” complained Dean.
Castiel glowered drowsily at the hunter. “He means masturbating while watching animated pornography. That’s what happened to the missing six-pack from last week.”
Dean went red, and Sam abruptly dropped the dripping beer can he had picked up from the table. “Ugh, more than I needed to know.”
You, meanwhile, laughed. “Yeah, he’s been a wealth of info. It’s the best part of getting him drunk. Like, did you know that Adam was with Eve when she first tried the apple?”
“He dared her,” Cas said. Then he belched.
“Or that Delilah didn’t really weaken Samson by cutting off his hair?” you continued.
“She cut off something, but it certainly wasn’t his hair,” Cas slurred, grinning darkly. Dean and Sam both winced and pressed their knees together.
“I’ve been learning all kinds of stuff. The Da Vinci Code’s got nothing on this guy.” You grinned and patted Cas’s arm. “Come on, Cas. Spill. What else? Shock us with another revelation.”
Without missing a beat, Cas replied, “I’ve been in love with you for 3 months, 2 weeks, 5 days, 3 hours and approximately….” Squinting, he looked at the clock on the wall before turning back to a jaw-dropped you. “Twenty-two minutes.”
After a moment of silence around the table, Dean poured you a shot.
“Looks like you need this.”