number one reason to go to

Quick Notes: Chapter 541

Let’s go!

  • Looking back at Tartaros arc, I didn’t cry much. I’m not a crier, to begin with, but other than Igneel dying, I was pretty fine reading/watching the arc.
  • I’d make an MMO joke about Wendy, but that would require me to have played an MMO or be confident in enough people having watched Log Horizon.
  • You know, for a fight we’ve been waiting to see for a while, this feels so underwhelming.
  • “When it comes to strength, I’m number one.” Which is why it will be even harder to believe when you inevitably lose to fake reasons.
  • Speaking of which, Lucy’s plan is basically Anna’s plan. The only difference is how they’re going to trap Acnologia. If at first, you don’t succeed, try again I guess.
  • I know some people were praising Juvia for not saying “Gray-sama”, but she still says it in the official translation. I don’t know how I feel about that.
  • “I do not think it is possible…“ Laki, I’ve learned to just roll with whatever’s going on in this arc. I’d figure you’d have done so as a side character in this series.
  • It’s only now that I’m realizing that Mest’s power is that he’s Nightcrawler. I miss the X-Men.
  • I’m not sure if I can trust Mavis anymore. On one hand, she was the Fairy Tactician. On the other hand, that hasn’t been very helpful during this arc.

We’re getting even closer to the end of the series. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not. See you!

anonymous asked:

Hi Alice, odd question but: Do you believe asexuals belong in the LGBT community? I have a friend who identifies this way, but as a trans girl, I'm struggling to understand how she has to go through the same things as an LGBT person by being asexual. And struggle aside, I don't even see how asexuality is THAT different from heterosexuality, just with more... hesitation!? Maybe this sounds rude, but I know you've written about asexual people etc, and I wondered what you thought. No shade intended

Hi there. I’m glad you reached out to me about this because you must have really upset your friend by saying stuff like this to them.

It’s easy to see why not only cishet people, but also LGBT+ people, think that asexuality is fake. The world is awash with sex and sexual attraction. It’s everywhere. And everyone is supposed to want it and feel it. It’s so extremely normalised that the idea that someone could be literally UNABLE to feel sexual attraction is, to many people, absolutely bizarre and a joke.

Even if you acknowledge that asexuality is real, it’s also easy to see why you would be so quick to reject and get angry at asexual people who call themselves LGBT+. Because asexual people are not like you, are they. Unless they are trans, asexuals don’t have gender troubles, and unless they experience same-gender romantic attraction, asexuals don’t experience same-gender attraction! Lesbian, bi, gay etc people can all be joined together in their experience of same gender attraction, and all trans folks, binary and non binary, can be joined together in their experience of feeing a disconnect from their assigned birth gender.

The result? No one wants asexuals near them. People can’t relate. No one else feels the way asexuals do and people don’t think they should be part of the group. They’re not the same as you.

But oh god, they are not allowed in the cishet club either.

The first thing you need to try and unlearn is that asexuality is in any way similar to heterosexuality. It’s not. It’s so, so fucking not. It’s painful how different it feels to be asexual compared to being heterosexual. Telling an ace person that asexuality isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’ is about as accurate as saying being gay isn’t ‘THAT different from heterosexuality’. Being asexual means you do not experience sexual attraction, ever. EVER. And while that might seem easy to you, it’s an extremely painful and terrifying thing to learn about yourself, in a world where everyone is expected to have an array of sexual experiences, fall in love, get married, and anyone who doesn’t do that is strange and a freak.

Learning you are asexual can be terrifying. When you realise you’ve never had a crush, when all your friends have had ten each, you are terrified. When you pass the age where people have started dating and having sex and you still feel nothing - NOTHING - you are terrified. When you think about ever falling in love and the idea disgusts you, or you think about falling in love and you crave it, god you CRAVE it, but you know you can’t ever feel that, you are terrified. When you realise you will never be able to enjoy a normal romantic/sexual relationship, the ones full of passion like you see in the movies, and people will reject you because you can’t fancy them in that way, and there’s a higher chance for you than anyone else that you will simply die alone, without love, without children - you are terrified.

You think being ace is the same as heterosexuality? You think it’s an easy thing to learn about yourself? Explain the terror, then. I’m all ears.

The fact you see asexuality as 'hesitation’ is really horrifying to me. Asexuals aren’t attracted to the opposite gender but 'hesitant’ to act on it. Asexuals DO NOT feel attraction. To anyone. It’s not a choice. It’s not a way of life. It’s not the same as celibacy out of choice, or being a 'prude’, or waiting till marriage. It is ingrained in you, just like being gay is, just like being trans is. It is a part of you that no matter how hard you try to will it away, no matter how hard you try to persuade yourself otherwise, you cannot help it. You DO NOT feel attracted to ANYONE.

And in saying all this, I fully acknowledge that asexuals do not experience the extent of oppression that other LGBT+ folks do. There are no laws regarding asexuality. Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and other LGBT+ folks no doubt experience a higher level and intensity of systematic oppression to asexuals, more frequently go through hard experiences due to their orientation or gender. But since when did being LGBT+ become a competition for 'who’s the most oppressed’? Is that what LGBT+ is? You’re only allowed in the club if you’re 'oppressed enough’? If you’re 'gay enough’? If you’re 'trans enough’?

If you need persuading that asexuals do experience their own form of oppression, though, consider the number of asexuals who are coerced into sex in order to 'fix’ them. Consider the emotional pain that I have already discussed, of feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong and gross about you because you feel attracted to no one. Consider the number of asexuals who are hounded or emotionally abused by their families for failing to find partners. Consider the number of asexuals who force themselves to have sexual experiences, because it is the norm, because they don’t even know what asexuality is, because THEY think that they are just 'hesitant’, despite finding sex disgusting and feeling no desire to do it. Do you really think asexuals are just running around, free and happy and content in who they are? They aren’t. I’m not.

So go ahead. Cast aside asexuals if you want. Call them attention-seeking, call them special snowflakes. Ignore the pain they feel. Make them go through it alone, in pain, terrified of what they are. Why on earth would the LGBT+ community be a place to support people like that!?

Messages like the one you have just sent me gives me further reason to never talk about that part of myself. To just sit and cry about it at home day after day because I do not like myself. Because I feel that nobody will accept me or understand who I am. I could list the number of things people have said to me to discredit and laugh at this part of myself, but it’s people like you who make me embarrassed to talk about it, too scared to own a label and talk about it freely and openly.

I thought, going into this, that the LGBT+ community was one of total respect, understanding, and empathy. I learnt pretty quickly that it is not.

I send love to your asexual friend. I really, really do.

Disclaimer: I am very aware of the nuances of asexuality, of the differences between romantic/aesthetic/sexual attraction, but sadly it seems that many people can’t even grasp the basic concept of asexuality, so I don’t quite think they’re ready for that yet.

if you’re an fp! here’s some useful phrases to say to ur bpd pal/partner!

+ “i still love and care about you, but at the moment i am angry right now and i’m not talking to you for a certain time period, and i will talk to you again at ________”

+ “i’m going away for a while/i might not have internet connection, so i’m not going to talk to you for [time period], and i want you to know that i’m not ignoring you”

+ “my connection is bad right now, so i might not see your message, but i promise i’m not ignoring you!”

+ “i’m vagueing someone on [blog/site] right now, but i want you to know that it’s not about you”

+ “you’ve done [something they’ve done wrong], and that makes me uncomfortable/that’s not right. i still love you/care about you, but i need you not to do it again because [state a reason why].

+ “if i suddenly go offline, that means i’ve gone to sleep/my internet got cut off, and i wasn’t trying to avoid you”

+ “i’ve made a new friend/met someone new today, but i want you to know that you’re still my [best friend? number one? beloved partner? you can choose!]

+ “daily reminder that i love you and i care about you!”

Let's talk about the "Drop the T" movement.

So, the last couple years y'all may have noticed a movement taking hold on both conservative and radical exclusionist gay circles called “Drop the T.” This movement, started possits that the LGBTQ movement is only the Gay movement and everything else is “appropriation” of Gay History.

This is, of course, total horse shit for a large number of reasons, so I’m going to go in point by point deconstructing this shit:

1) These people say, “It was gay people, not BTQ, that were targeted.” This is false even on it’s face. Even if you want to say trans people weren’t there because Stonewall happened in a time when the term trans wasn’t in popular usage (more on that in point 4), there were sure as shit crossdressers there, and they were ALWAYS the first ones targeted and carted off. The night of Stonewall, Storm DeLaverie, who wasn’t trans, was “Crossdressing” and the first arrested, so we’re Marsha Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, who were trans. And guess what? Those three were the first to fight back. We owe this movement to them, and how dare you revise and erase our history for your ideology.

2) They point to Sodomy laws as proof it was gay people specifically targeted, while forgetting the existence of Crossdressing Laws, which were on the books LONGER THAN SODOMY LAWS. In New York, y'know where Stonewall happened, there were Anti Crossdressing Laws on the books until 2011 while they eliminated sodomy laws in the 1970’s! There was a federal ban on sodomy laws in 2003, Lawrence v Texas, but still none for Anti-Crossdressing laws.

3) “People were arrested because they were homosexual, not bi or trans.“ No, they just didn’t care if were apart of the L, G, B, or T, we were Queers that had to be Taken Care Of. Why do you think we banded together in the first place?

4) The Nazis’ first target for book burnings was Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, which was the first medical institute to perform Sex Reassignment Surgery in the 1930s and the works of Magnus Hirchfeld, who coined the term “Transsexual.” The reason “trans people didn’t exist” in the time of Stonewall is because it took us almost half a century for us to recover. You’ll notice quite a few of Stonewall Veterans who were “crossdressers” back in the day, ID’d as trans later in life when the language became available again. The Nazis were the first to try this, and they wiped us off the face of the Earth for decades.

5) Divide and Conquer. We are strong together, and weak apart. It is an attempt to weaken our movement now that it isn’t specifically focused on helping topass legislation benefit only cis gay people. We fought for your rights, and now you got yours so screw us? Fuck that. It’s ENDA, when Barney Frank and the HRC pushed to exclude trans people so they could have it for themselves, all over again.

6) It’s apart of a larger transphobic movement in which conservatives and radical exclusionists teamed up. Remember when the Reagan administration banned funding for trans healthcare? Yeah, they used writings of Janice Reymond as supporting evidence. These groups wrote to the fucking UN to have trans rights removed from International Human Rights laws. They team up for bathroom legislation, including sending cis men into women’s bathrooms to scare cis women into supporting bathroom legilsation. ENDA. What did we do that’s equivalent to that? Why do you despise us so much?

You have no basis for your movement, not histrocial, not political, not anything other than pure hatred. Go fuck yourselves. We’ll eliminate exclusionist before trans people.

Pearls Origins

Wanted has left us with many questions, and during The Trial we have an interesting exchange:

Originally posted by plainolddope

This occurs after Blue Zircon talks about how strange it is that Pink Diamonds pearl did not alert her to the rebels. This raises the age old question:

Who did Pearl belong to?

First off we know it was a diamond from this scene:

If you listen closely, faintly the diamond theme plays, we also hear from Peridot she is a ‘fancy’ pearl. Plot wise it makes sense too, having her be some Pearl from a random aristocratic gem is kinda boring. We already know Blue and Yellow diamond are not missing pearls so that rules them out, we are left with two mysterious gems we don’t know about, Pink and White Diamond.

Pink Diamond

The first hint of evidence we are given is a diamond on Pearls spacesuit.

A Pink Diamond is very evident on her chest, plus she has pink hair, and has been to the Human Zoo.

Another piece of evidence is from Bubbled, After Steven learns about the demise of Pink Diamond Garnet shares this quote:

“She had to. The Earth belonged to Pink Diamond. Destroying her was the only way to save the planet, For Amethyst to be herself, for Pearl to be free, for me to be together. For you to exist.“

It seems like she is directly referencing Pearl being owned by Pink Diamond, and shattering her was the only way Pearl could leave her. 

This would also explain Yellow and Blue’s reactions, Pearl/Pink Pearl wasn’t in service to Pink Diamond because she was a part of the Rebellion. Of course she wouldn’t be there to warn her, she even may have had a major role in her own Diamonds shattering.

White Diamond

We see Yellow and Blue Pearl match their diamond, same gem placement, same general colors, Yellow Pearl is more snarky, more uptight, her hair is styled upwards exactly like Yellow Diamonds and her shoulder puffs are like Yellow Diamonds shoulder pads. Blue Pearl is quiet, almost somber, her hair falls in front of her face like Blue Diamonds veil and her hair is longer like her Diamonds. She also has a long skirt like Blue Diamonds dress.

We see from Pearls reformation at one point she looked like this:

She obviously has a forehead gem, white skin, light color scheme, and her clothing has shoulder pads. The only contradiction is her hair is more wavy and poofy, like Pinks. But in later reformations she has very spiky hair.

White Diamond has shoulder pads while Pink Diamond does not, Pearls gem placement also matches White Diamond’s gem.

The personalities of the Pearls also match their diamonds fairly well as I touched on before. Yellow Pearl is stern, snarky and down to business much like Yellow Diamond. Blue Pearl is quiet and reserved, much like Blue. The diamonds defiantly follow the four temperaments theory. Blue Diamond is Melachonic, prone to depression, deeply affected by grief, thoughtful and organized. Yellow is Choleric, ambitious, aggressive, good at problem solving, uncomfortable around emotion. Generally their followers match their personality. We don’t know Pink Diamond but we see for the most part her gems are Sanguine, outgoing, fun-loving and impulsive. From this we can deduce White and her followers are Phlegmatic, calm, rational, organized. Pearl loves organization, she murdered a bear because it was in the wrong place in Mirror Gem.

In The Answer we see gems generally match their main color scheme, Sapphire is Blue, Ruby is red, and Pearl? She’s white.

Another major point I’d like to make is how real life pearls get their colors. Often pearls don’t have a color one will desire so they will go through a number of treatments. One of these is pinking. In general America prefers pink pearls, so they go through a process called pinking which artificially extracts the pink color. Perhaps being around Rose brought out her pink colors. (I’ve seen someone else talk about this but I can’t find it for the life of me I’ve been searching for 3 hours.)

White Diamond also seems rather secluded, not once being mentioned, it would make sense if Pearl didn’t know the other Pearls, she wouldn’t be around them since White Diamond wasn’t around them. Or perhaps the reason she said ‘Not all Pearls know each other Steven’ is she did not want to mention her previous diamond because of the discomfort it brings her.

White diamonds in real life also show more colors than a blue, yellow or pink diamond, they are prism like and show many colors, like Pearl who has blue, yellow and pink hints in her design.

Conclusion

There is a lot of contradicting evidence for who was Pearls original owner. The pink diamond on her suit, the parallels between blue and yellow pearls, and their diamonds, compared to pearl and White diamond. The process of pinking and how that could be what happened, but the apparent absence of Pink Pearl judging from Yellow and Blue pearls reactions. At the end of the day we don’t have enough evidence, and right now all this evidence is completely up to fan interpretation.  

7 Reasons Why

So…. I am currently watching the new tv show “13 Reasons Why” and my mind decided to make a tragically-beautiful connection tooooo can you guess what?? YUP LANCE!! So here are my thoughts once again… hope you enjoy and feel free to comment any other ideas!!
*NOTE* I’m lowkey crying as I’m writing this. My heart isn’t okay. I’m not okay, okay?? *MORE NOTES* So this came out kinda different than the show/book but i hope yall kinda get the idea

  • Lance was dead. Had committed suicide to be exact. And he left his story behind.
  • The tapes appeared from nowhere. No one knew where they came from or where they disappeared to. No one knew that the tapes contained so much in such a small amount of time. No one knew that these tapes would become an ugly part of them.
  • “Hello space pals and gals. Lance McClain (KINDA LOVE THIS LAST NAME) here. Live and in stereo.”
  • Lance starts off by explaining his “7 Reasons Why” (hahaha get it? Cuz he’s the seventh wheel?? *cries*) he committed suicide and his two rules.
    • “Rule number one. You must listen to the tapes. I’m not gonna lie. This is going to be hard to do but you MUST LISTEN.”
    • “Rule number two. When you are done, you must leave them where you found them. And if you, oh lets say, decide to throw them away, tsk tsk tsk…. bad things will happen.”
  • “First and foremost, our mighty and heroic leader, Shiro.”
    • “I wasn’t good enought to be praised by you.” Lance explains that Shiro was a good leader, a great leader one might say. Unreplacable, “unlike me.” So why was it that he never told Lance “great job” or “thanks for the help.” Why did he alway care so much for Keith? Told him “great job out there” and patted him on the back after every battle. Why did he always take his side even when he was in the wrong? Why did he treat Pidge like a little sister? Always taking care of them and making sure they were getting enough sleep. Always being so nice and caring to both. “You were always my hero but why did you not act like it?” He never payed attention when Lance didnt get enough sleep or didnt eat or was sick. Always making him work and train. Always pointing out his flaws without helping him improve them. “Why, Shiro, did you not care for me?”
  • “Can you guess our number two?? Well, I’ll give you a hint. It’s not me this time. *laughs* First time being number two, our excellent number one paladin, Keith!”
    • “Keith my man, I loved you.” (Klangst? WHY TF NOT?!?) Lance always loved Keith, always looked up to him too. He loved to joke around with him, loved to rile him up, loved to bicker with him because thats how he got to talk to him. He knew that they were playing around so why did it hurt so much? “Why Keith, did you always tell me I wasn’t good enough?” Always telling him to leave you alone, always “you’re annoying me” and never “please stay.” Keith always reminded Lance that he was never good enough, never up to his level, never realizing how lance felt. But how could Lance blame him? However, sometimes Keith, you, took it to far to the point where my heart was too broken to put back together. “I’ve always loved you but you made it so easy to hate you, too.”
  • “My favorite green paladin, my little space sister (female pronouns for this), my gaming buddy, Pidge.”
    • “Pidge, did you even ever realize that I saw you as my sister?” Lance saw his little sister in Pidge. He always, like Shiro, did his best to make sure they stayed healthy. He was always fussing over her eating and sleeping habits. So why did she never appreciate him? “Pidge, you never even said thanks you.” Lance just wanted to be a brother to her. So why did she make him a disposable replacement for her missing brother? Always using him when necessary and then throwing him away when it got too much for her? “Leave me alone Lance. Im working.” Pidge sometimes said really hurtful comments to Lance and she never let him help her because why would she let someone “annoying” help? In, reality Pidge was his sister but according to Pidge, “You are not my brother, Lance. Matt is.”
  • “Hunk, my precious beautiful friend. You did nothing wrong but you also did nothing at all.”
    • “Where to start?” Hunk had always been Lance’s best friend but after Voltron things changed. “I noticed that you and Pidge would hang out together, without me.” Lance just wants to be part of their group again. He tried so hard so join, to contribute, to help. But all he got was “you’re distracting us.” Although they didn’t hang out as much, Hunk was the first one to realize that something was wrong with Lance. “You left me alone.” Hunk saw him getting worse and changing throughout the days. He saw but didn’t do anything. “Hunk, why did you not do anything, if you noticed?” Lance wondered why Hunk left him by himself, why he didn’t try to reach out to him, why he didn’t invite him over, why didn’t he? “You could have helped but you didn’t.”
  • “Our beautiful space princess who will save the universe without moi, Allura.”
    • “Sometimes, your pushing for perfection was too much, not just for me but for everyone.” Lance always felt like the odd one out. Everyone was good at something but he never had a “thing” and Allura’s nagging didn’t help. “Keep up Lance!” Keep up with Keith in the training stimulator. Keep up with Pidge’s new machinery. Keep up with Shiro’s battle plans. Keep up with Hunk’s nee inventions. Keep up. “Again.” No matter how hard Lance tried, Allura was never satisfied. Never complementing him, never saying “good job,” never letting him rest, never telling he was good enough. “Why, Allura, did you never see how hard I was trying?”
  • “Lets talk about our seventh wheel, our number one *snickers* sharpshooter, Me! Lance!”
    • “In my opinion, I was the number one at fault for this occurrence.” Lance hated himself. He hated himself for feeling jealous, angry, sad, homesick, depressed. “I just wanted to be like the rest of you all.” Lance wanted to be as good as Keith and as strong as Shiro. He wanted to be as nice and comforting as Hunk. Wanted to be as smart as Pidge and as powerful as Allura. “I wish I wasn’t so selfish.” Lance thought he was selfish. He wished to get “thanks you’s” from the rest. Wished he get praised from Shiro and Allura. Wished Keith would feel the same way. Wished he was home with his famiy. He wished and wished and he hated it. “I wished I was home.”
  • “My favorite alien, Coran, the one who took care of me and who noticed me struggling. Yes, he tried to help but I guess it wasn’t enough since I’m dead now.”
    • “You let me walk away.” Coran tried helping Lance in his own way. But how could an alien understand some Earthly emotions? “We talked but sometimes it was just you talking.” Coran tried to get Lance to open up to him but failed. He always cut off Lance with his own stories so he never let Lance say what was bothering him. “Coran, you were like an uncle to me.” Coran reminded Lance of his uncle and it kinda hurt him. He was constantly reminded of his family whenever he was with Coran. This made his emotions even worse when he talked to Coran because sometimes Coran didn’t understand him. The day Lance died, Coran had told him to just “move on.” Lance just got up and left but he secretly hoped that Coran would come after him. He didn’t. “You wanted me to move on from this and I did.”
  • “I’m sorry.”
How to Read Energy and What to Expect

As many of you know, one service I offer on this blog are energy readings. I have gotten a lot of inquiries on how I do these readings, so I would like to inform you on my methods as well give you tips on how to do them yourself. Please note that I am not an expert nor do I have the final say on how to do energy readings properly, this is just my experience. 

Understanding Energy
The way I understand energy is as the force that inhabits everything at one point or another. Everything has an energy signature, down to the smallest grain of sand. However, the energy of living things is a bit different. There have been many names given to this energy but it is most often known as one’s life force. The hardest part of an energy reading is picking up on one’s particular energy among the trillions of energy sources swirling around at any given moment, but I will tell you how I do this.


How to Read Someone’s Energy

My method for reading energy is going to be different from everyone else’s. Your method for reading energy will be different from everyone else’s. Everyone has their own techniques for reading energy, but here are a few of mine.

  1. Sit in a comfortable location with at least part of you pressed firmly against the ground. 
  2. If you are reading for someone irl, have them sit near you. Physical contact often helps if both of you are comfortable with that. 
  3. If you are reading for someone not physically present, it can help to have a piece of them “sit” in front of you. I ask for names and blog urls when I do my readings so that I have an energy signature to focus on but you really can use anything or nothing at all, whatever helps you get a lock on the other person’s energy. 
  4. Sit in front of the person or blog and close your eyes. A bit of meditation before you try to tap into their energy is a good idea.
  5. Feel the energy of the earth under you and feel out this individual’s energy as it appears, a piece of the earth just like you.
  6. Grab onto this energy. Snatch it from the earth just briefly. Images, smells, tastes, sounds, colors, and feelings should come to you as you feel their energy. Keep a mental note of what you experience and write it down once you return.
  7. What you have experienced while feeling someone’s energy is their energy reading. It may be a bit of a jumbled mess, but that’s okay. Everyone’s energy is different but there may also be some overlap, which is also okay.

You can give someone their energy reading in many forms. I give mine as a paragraph with everything I saw, yours may be only a line or two. Everyone experiences different things when reading energy and having shorter readings isn’t a bad thing. You may even pick up on more or less energy from each individual. Its totally okay if some readings are long and others very short. 


So…. What if your energy reading doesn’t resonate with me, like, at all?

There could be a great number of reasons your reading went screwy. As I said before, energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it simply changes shape. This being said, it could be a number of factors.

  1. I am picking up not on your energy, but the energy of someone very close to you. If you have been in contact with them recently, pieces of your energy sometimes clings to them. 
  2. It could also be that I am reading into the energy of one of your past lives, something you won’t necessarily resonate with or remember.
  3. It could also be that the reading was accurate but maybe some part of it was hard to hear, or some repressed memory. This is not the fault of the reader, in the long run it is up to the client to interpret the reading. 
  4. It could also be external factors in my own life clouding my ability to pick up on your energy. My cat knocks over a vase in another room and not thinking I write that in as your energy because I was so lost in the moment.
  5. It could also be you’re my last in a long line of energy readings and I am exhausted and hurriedly trying to get through your reading without paying attention to detail. 
  6. It could be any number of things, all acting upon one another. Keep an open mind. 

Whatever the reason for your energy reading not being accurate, it is best to just be polite and move on. No good will come of harassing a reader, especially if they are offering a free service. 


I just did an energy reading and I’m exhausted!

Yup, that’s a real thing and totally normal. Energy readings can be draining, especially for beginners, as you expend some of your energy when you tap into the earth and go out in search of other energies. This is especially draining at first if you have not yet learned how to shield your energy when searching in the energy field and subsequently some of it may be leeched out. Here are some self care tips to help you regenerate faster.

  1. Time yourself. I like to light a stick of incense before I start my readings. Once it is completely burned out, I stop no matter what I’m doing and go drink some water and just do something I enjoy for 30 minutes or so before returning to readings. 
  2. Eat or drink something sugary or high in carbohydrates while you read to return energy lost. I like to munch on sweet cherries while I read.
  3. Learn to shield yourself from energy drain. I imagine my energy dressed in a suit of impenetrable armor before I search out someone’s energy. Your shield can come in any manor of form, find one that feels right to you and keeps the pesky energy leech out. 
  4. Take little breaks in between readings, even just a minute or two to catch your breath. 
  5. Use crystals to return your energy. I like to take some moon-charged amethyst and hold it in my palm during breaks, feeling its energy flow into me. 
  6. Practice self care. Shower, change your clothes, put on some lotion or makeup… Anything like that will help replenish energy.
  7. Take a nap! I have a bad habit of doing energy readings as soon as I wake up and then I’m dead for the rest of the day. Napping helps immensely. 
  8. Know your limits. You probably won’t be able to do 20 energy readings your first day. Pacing is so important.
  9. If you are doing energy readings online, be prepared to use the block button. Some people are going to be rude, but that is their problem not yours.
  10. Have fun! If energy readings become stressful take a break. If someone is waiting on you for their energy reading, they will understand if it comes a little late. If not, fuck ‘em. You don’t owe anything to people who don’t care about your well being as a reader. 

There are a great many things you can do to recharge after an energy reading, but these are just a few of my favorites. Everyone is different, and respecting that is key. 

Remember actually enjoying yourself is key. Good luck with your energy readings!

tygermama  asked:

I've been thinking a lot about Anakin lately and I'm not sure if his sense of self is rooted in who he is as much as it is what he is. He's so used to thinking of himself in terms of 'I am a slave', ' I am a Jedi', 'I am the Chosen One'. He seems to relate to himself as a thing.

He really does. It’s even possible to watch the movies as the progressive breakdown of Anakin’s sense of self.

When we first meet him, it’s with the defiant line, “I’m a person, and my name is Anakin.” He’s very adamantly naming himself as a person, in distinction to the name that’s pushed on him, “slave.” But the defiant tone is important there. This is a kid who is insisting on his personhood in a world where that’s not recognized by those with power over him. It’s the insistence of a person trying to remind themself of what’s true when the world around them is constantly gaslighting them.

Then Qui-Gon comes along, and the Jedi Order, and now Anakin’s not a slave but he is the Chosen one. Fast forward to AOTC, and we’ve got Anakin primarily referring to himself not as a person before all else, but as a Jedi. (In light of this, the scene following the Tusken massacre is especially interesting. Padme says that to be angry is to be human, but Anakin responds with “I’m a Jedi.” Padme insists that he’s a person, but he seems to see being a Jedi as being somehow apart, more than (or perhaps, subconsciously, less than) human.)

By the time we get to ROTS, Anakin’s entire self-conception is focused around the Jedi and the war. Everyone keeps insisting to him that he is the Chosen One. It’s even one of the last things he hears from Obi-Wan. “You were supposed to be the Chosen One.” But he’s not, not anymore, because now he has a new Master who’s given him a new name and new orders.

He spends 20 years following those orders, and finally there’s ROTJ, when Luke explicitly tries to give him back his name - his name, not the name Palpatine assigned him - and all Anakin can respond with is “I must obey my Master.”

As Granny Weatherwax of Discworld says, sin is when you treat people like things, including yourself. And Anakin spends most of his life essentially viewing himself as a tool.

okay here’s some bi omgcp headcanons for ya:

  • jack and camilla were fuckbuddies. the reason jack “didn’t know” they were dating is because all they ever really did was bang and then go eat chicken tenders in the dining hall together in their sweats.
  • lardo has hooked up every dude in the art department and invited 0 of them to meet the team. her and shitty never fucked until well after his graduation bc he couldn’t figure out if she was a lesbian (she 100% had sex with that one soccer chick frosh year?) or bi (wishful thinking??) and he refuses to ask. lardo thinks he’s just not interested for the longest time.
  • ransom had a Gay Encounter in high school and never speaks of it because he’s half-convinced he totally made it up and besides he really likes March?? so he can’t be gay??
  • holster is just confused at all times and will kiss literally anyone after two beers. he’s a mess.

add your own and support your local bisexuals. 

Yet another from this long list of prompts, completely unprompted.

Number Twelve: “I’m pregnant.”


The text came in at 7:17am, and in the mean time, Stiles had made his way through four and a half breakdowns, all of them for different reasons.

Number One: Male werewolves could get pregnant, and tying into that:

Number Two: Derek had never found it relevant to their two year relationship to share this fun fact. That didn’t say much as to his thoughts on their future together, which stung.

Number Three: Stiles was going to be a father at twenty-four.

Number Four: Just the night before, with Derek in Argentina visiting Cora, Stiles ate a dinner of Cheetos, plain microwaved hotdogs wrapped in bread, and four beers before passing out on the couch with the tv remote in his hand. He was not ready to be a father.

Number Five (still ongoing, more or less halfway through): They were going to have to move because no amount of corner guards or stupid little outlet plugs could childproof the loft. The door to the kitchen was literally a jagged hole in a brick wall. Stiles caught his shins on it regularly, they were always a mess of scabs and bruises.

Actually his entire body was a mess of scabs and bruises, because that was his life now, had been since sophomore year: fighting off the forces of supernatural evil.

Too bad he couldn’t childproof his life.

Oh god, they were going to have to move out of Beacon Hills. Away from the pack.

Nothing was stable in Beacon Hills, it had been eight years of panic and anxiety and near deaths and actual deaths. They couldn’t bring a baby into their current lives, Stiles wouldn’t even bring an adult into this hellhole. Who was trained in firearms. With combat experience.

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the reasons why i’ll never sleep in peace again
  • “The number-one thing was I wanted to be honest. I hadn’t done that before.”
  •  "Most of the stuff that hurts me about what’s going on at the moment is not politics, it’s fundamentals,“ Styles says. “Equal rights. For everyone, all races, sexes, everything.”
  • "Since I’ve been 10,” he reflects, “it’s kind of felt like – protect Mom at all costs. … My mom is very strong. She has the greatest heart. [Her house in Cheshire] is where I want to go when I want to spend some time." 
  • And promises are broken like a stitch is … I got splinters in my knuckles crawling ‘cross the floor/Couldn’t take you home to mother in a skirt that short/But I think that’s what I like about it … I see you gave him my old T-shirt, more of what was once mine … 
  • "Sometimes you want to tip the hat, and sometimes you just want to give them the whole cap …  and hope they know it’s just for them." 
  • “I don’t want to hear my favorite artists talk about all the amazing shit they get to do. I want to hear, ‘How did you feel when you were alone in that hotel room, because you chose to be alone?’”
  • “How am I going to be mysterious,” he asks, only half-joking, “when I’ve been this honest with you?" 
Hey Voltron Fandom, what the fuck?

I’m going to get straight to the point, you guys are self-destructive and are going to kill the fandom over your petty arguments and stupid self-entitlement. There hasn’t been a day since the beginning of the fandom that everything has just been peaceful for once (and I’ve been here since it’s birth) You all should be ashamed of yourselves, fighting online and hurting real people over fiction (this is not specifically towards ships btw) And I’m putting my foot down at all of this bullshit and trying to stop it

This is pretty lengthy so everything is under the cut

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Medicine in the (Post-Apocalyptic) Wasteland: 1 / ?

Hey everyone. I get so many asks about post-apocalyptic scenarios that it’s I’m going to build you a series of posts, dealing specifically with medicine after the collapse of civilization.

Originally posted by jupiter2

Yes, this borders on sci-fi. Yes, a lot of things will be very different in your story, depending on the hows and the whys and the social structure that exists after the apocalypse. Things will also be incredibly different based on when your story is set, because things will likely collapse in a particular order. So your story is going to change a lot depending precisely when you’re writing about, in relation to The Catastrophe (of whatever type).

The difference between this and sci-fi asks is that there is very much an area of medicine devoted to this type of care. It’s called Austere Medicine, AKA Wilderness Medicine. It’s studied. There are resources. There are people who work in villages that may not have had an apocalypse, but have limited funds, access to power, access to diagnostics, access to drugs, and they do it every day of their lives. This is sci-fi with modern parallels. This is interesting.

For the purposes of this article, we’re assuming two major problems: no / extremely limited electricity, and no / extremely limited gasoline.

That first one throws out most of modern medicines. Hospitals. Surgeries. MRIs, CT scans, even the humble X-ray goes by the wayside. Providers have to go back to doing medicine with their hands and with their ears.

Oh, and a lot of people are going to die.

Enter Dani Disaster.

She’s smart, but moreover she’s resourceful, and she can think outside the box that modern medicine has tried to put her in. Maybe she was a doctor, or a nurse, or a paramedic. Now she’s a healer, a Jane-of-all-trades of medicine. She barters for what will help people in the short term, and shakes her head and sighs when she realizes she can’t help a lot of the people she used to be able to.

One thing I want to mention is that Dani will definitely want to keep someone around, preferably an intimidating, armed someone, to protect her. Because people will want things from Dani; everything from begging her to fix their dying-of-something-she-can’t-fix husband, to demanding she be personal medic to the Warlord King (or whatever brute is rising to power in your world).

The First 6 Months

Originally posted by mysillyfreedomdreams

Most people don’t have more than a month’s worth of their medication on hand. Even most pharmacies would run out of the most popular life-saving medications inside of a month or two, assuming they aren’t simply raided by bandits. And in a world without gasoline, the odds of restock are very, very low.

That means no blood pressure medications, no blood thinners, in an ever-increasingly-stressful world. That means no insulin for diabetics, no immunosuppressants for those with autoimmune diseases, no antiepileptics for those with seizure disorders, no antibiotics for septic patients. No pressors to give and no pumps to hang them on. Even IV fluids, literal salt water, will run short.

I will be straight up with you all, keyboard-mashers: a lot of people will die in the first 6 months of an apocalypse, and I’m not even talking from the fighting. I’m not even talking about starvation. I’m just talking about chronic illness. Heart attacks. Diabetes. Blood clots. Strokes. I’m talking about the elderly, who can barely make it a block to the store. I’m talking about serious respiratory patients who need steroids and who have serious trouble walking distances. Cancer patients won’t get chemo, or radiation, or maybe even food. Patients with HIV will run out of antivirals, and then run out of T cells, and die from the common cold.

There are going to be a lot of deaths in the first 6 months after the apocalypse, friends, and it will be ugly as hell. Remember that for most of human history, the lifespan was about 40 years. In a world without organized medicine and the pharmaceutical processes to make medicine, there’s precious little that can be done to expand the lifespan.

Congratulations: You’re the Surgeon. And the Infectious Disease doc. And the Midwife. And the Wound Care Specialist. And the Anesthesiologist. And the…

Look, healthcare is a wide field, and no one person is going to be good at everything. No one person is actually interested in everything, either. There is no one type of healthcare provider who can do everything, although Emergency Medicine docs probably come the closest; and before The Thing That Happened, Dani may have been an ICU nurse, tweaking ventilators, or a paramedic who’d never thrown a stitch before, much less amputated a badly gangrenous leg.

What I’m saying here is, there’s a learning curve for the actual technical things she’ll need to do, in addition to re-learning how to do everything with nothing. And some of it might be way, way outside her wheelhouse, especially at first.


Six Months to Five Years: The Rise of Dani Disaster

Originally posted by asmothdeus

If Dani is lucky, and she gets to the raiding of pharmacies early on, she’ll stock up. On anything she can get, of course, but especially on three things: antibiotics, analgesics and sedatives. Why? Because they’re what will save lives and be useful as hell for trading. Here’s why:

Antibiotics: infection will probably be the single group of preventable deaths that are worth looking at, from a supply-vs-life-years-saved perspective. A single course of antibiotics will save someone’s life, but a diabetic will need insulin, every day, for decades. Also remember that with system breakdown comes water supply breakdown, which means a return of diseases like typhoid and cholera and diptheria and polio.

Antibiotics are an art all of their own, but frankly, they’re boring. Broad-spectrum antibiotics will be most useful; including amoxicillin/Augmentin, Cefaclor, Keflex, Levaquin, erythromycin or clarithromycin or azithromycin, Cipro, or doxycycline. 

Oral antibiotics are going to have benefits over IV antibiotics, for a number of reasons, mostly portability and ease of administration; IV-only drugs haven’t been listed here. Some meds may come in a form that can be given IM; this may be helpful for conditions that severely upset the GI tract (and thus prevent people from absorbing them, because the pill will either go up or down, depending.)

The thing you have to realize is that in austere medicine, common things happen commonly. No one cares if your patient has a pulmonary embolism, or a cool dysrhythmia, because with complex conditions, one of two things are going to happen: They are going to get better, or they are going to die. Heart attacks, a major focus of modern medicine, are essentially untreatable without the risk of dying.

Instead, the most important things Dani will be treating are things that, in the developed world, should be handled in urgent care clinics: gastroenteritis (the shits) and broken bones and infected wounds and yeast infections. A friend of mine went to Haiti after the quake, and within 24 hours she could diagnose a yeast infection by the way a woman was walking.

Originally posted by mattsgifs

Diflucan. She will need LOTS OF DIFLUCAN.

(It’s worth noting that Haiti was very hot and very humid, which is where fungi like to grow; other areas may see other climates, and thus less yeast infections.)

Analgesics: If she’s smart, Dani will take anything she can beg, borrow, or steal. Common, over-the-counter meds like Advil/ibuprofen and Tylenol/acetaminophen/paracetamol, and pill opiates like Vicodin and Percocet and Morphine and Dilaudid. All of these have their place, but mostly this is a “whatever I can get” sort of a thing.

If Dani is really smart, she will go out of her way to find every bottle of ketamine in whatever hospital she raids. We’ve talked about ketamine before, but it’s worth mentioning again, in that it can be used to sedate the crazy, ease pain, or put someone under for short surgical procedures like an appendectomy or amputation. (It’s also a single agent; it controls pain and causes sedation. It doesn’t act as a paralytic, but hopefully she won’t need one).

Lidocaine in a Big Fucking Bottle is optional but beneficial for topical procedures, wound care, suturing, etc.

However, all of these things will eventually run out, no matter how judicious she is about using them. And that’s when we get to….

Five Years Plus: Back to Herbalism It Is

Originally posted by indefenseofplants

There are a lot of allopaths–those who practice Western medicine–that believe herbalism is complete and utter horseshit. I am not one of those people. A lot of medications have their origins in natural remedies and plants, and herbalism is how we treated, well, everything, for quite some time.

The poppy plant begat opium, which begat laudanum, heroin, morphine, and fentanyl. The foxglove plant (digitalis) begat, Digoxin, whose actual name is digitalis. Curare is one of the original paralytics used for surgery. The list goes on and on.

Now, an allopathic education doesn’t typically lead to an in-depth knowledge of medicinal herbs. But fortunately, there are these lovely things called books, and there are, in fact, some really good ones on this topic.

Originally posted by amnhnyc

My personal medical-herbalism reference is James A Duke’s The Green Pharmacy (Amazon link, but available everywhere; not an affiliate link). The author ran the medicinal herb research at the US Dept of Agriculture for a good long while, and the best part about his book is that it is organized by disease (so you don’t have to read about 5,000 plants to find one that treats allergies), and he grades his evidence base for each recommendation. However, there are also field guides to medicinal plants.

Once the allopathic meds run out, Dani Disaster is going to become, basically, a witch doctor, without the witchy aspects. (Or with, depending on her faith and whether or not she practices the craft; no one is judging here.)

She’s going to have a garden of medicinal herbs, and she’s going to learn to prepare poultices and teas and tinctures and creams. Basically, she’s going to bring an allopathic ideology back to herbalism, preferably with some form of evidence base. Willow bark tea is going to be a Big Deal™, because willow bark tea contains an active ingredient very similar to aspirin.

Originally posted by nutnuhmellaarts

But she’s also going to have to be, in part, a home chemist. If she does enough research she can learn how to make her own ethyl alcohol, aka ethanol, aka boozeahol, but this can be used as a disinfectant and antiseptic. (Hell, in a pinch regular ol’ wine can be used to clean out wounds, apparently.) 

She can also learn to make her own bleach, her own IV fluids (0.9% Normal Saline, anyways), her own oral rehydration solution (aka Pedialyte / Gatorade), and perhaps even her own ether, which is a crap anesthetic but better than nothing.

Originally posted by gif87a-com

That’s It…. For Now

This is just a small snippet into the world of austere medicine. (Be careful with Google searches on this topic; Doomsday Preppers are very, very scary and their websites can be… uhhh….. ill-informed.) There’s still plenty more to talk about, so stay tuned for more posts! (I’m especially drooling over the idea of writing a post on the ethics of medicine in the austere environment–stay tuned!!)

I hope this was useful, but remember also this poem by the greats of old:

When the world ends, now
is the time to be sure I
read the disclaimer.

Originally posted by the-reactiongifs

See you in the wasteland. xoxo, Aunt Scripty

2

there’s a good reason these tables are numbered honey, you just haven’t thought of it yet // panic! at the disco

Dirty Dancing

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Hoseok (J-Hope)

Rating: NC-17

Word Count: 5,242

Summary:  It’s the summer and all you want to be doing is hanging out with your friends. Your parents have other ideas and when you end up at a resort in the middle of the mountains, the only bright thing in sight is the dance instructor, Hoseok. If only said dance instructor didn’t seem to completely hate you.

Originally posted by jimins-bunss

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According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I’m excited. Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B’s. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That’s me! - Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I’d make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I’m glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I’m not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don’t waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That’s why we don’t need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it’s just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it’ll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She’s my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we’re all cousins. - Right. You’re right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you’ll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. What’s the difference? You’ll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. So you’ll just work us to death? We’ll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! “What’s the difference?” How can you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I’ve never seen them this close. They know what it’s like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don’t come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You’re monsters! You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don’t know. Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That’s more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It’s just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let’s have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I’d knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We’re hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you’re not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We’re going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you’re interested in? - Well, there’s a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It’s a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not funny! You’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You’re gonna be a stirrer? - No one’s listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I’m gonna get an ant tattoo! Let’s open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! I’m so proud. - We’re starting work today! - Today’s the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them’s yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What’d you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What’s available? Restroom attendant’s open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you’re on. I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey’s always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He’s dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That’s life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I’m going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted. It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That’s awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let’s move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It’s got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It’s a little bit of magic. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? That’s pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don’t we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You’re reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It’s a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama’s little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don’t think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you’re about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There’s a bee in the car! - Do something! - I’m driving! - Hi, bee. - He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What’s number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don’t go for that… …kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them. They’re out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they’re flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say. There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. I don’t remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don’t kill him! You know I’m allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I’m just saying all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I’m not scared of him. It’s an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can’t. How should I start it? “You like jazz?” No, that’s no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I’m sorry. - You’re talking. - Yes, I know. You’re talking! I’m so sorry. No, it’s OK. It’s fine. I know I’m dreaming. But I don’t recall going to bed. Well, I’m sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you’re a bee! I am. And I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn’t for you… I had to thank you. It’s just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I’m talking with a bee. - Yeah. I’m talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I’m grateful. I’ll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. “Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up. - That’s very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Oan I… …get you something? - Like what? I don’t know. I mean… I don’t know. Ooffee? I don’t want to put you out. It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It’s just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don’t be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn’t. - Have some. - No, I can’t. - Oome on! I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don’t help. You look great! I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He’s making the tie in the cab as they’re flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, “Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?” Is that a bee joke? That’s the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There’s my hive right there. See it? You’re in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It’s like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I’ll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it’s no trouble. Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I’ll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can’t possibly work. He’s all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don’t. - How’d you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your “experience.” Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well… - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I’m not attracted to spiders. I know it’s the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. So who is she? She’s… human. No, no. That’s a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. - Her name’s Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She’s so nice. And she’s a florist! Oh, no! You’re dating a human florist! We’re not dating. You’re flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin’ stripey! And that’s not what they eat. That’s what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It’s bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We’re us. There’s us and there’s them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He’s in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It’s been three days! Why aren’t you working? I’ve got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You’re barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I’m talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I’ll catch up. Don’t be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We’re still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don’t listen! I’m not listening to this. Sorry, I’ve gotta go. - Where are you going? - I’m meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? Bye. I just hope she’s Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? It’s faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane! You don’t have that? We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It’s a bug. He’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You’ve really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I’ll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don’t have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It’s organic. - It’s our-ganic! It’s just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don’t know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it’s on sale?! I’m getting to the bottom of this. I’m getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I’ll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You’re busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you’ll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier? I don’t understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You’re too late! It’s ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You’re not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I’m going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It’s your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I’m Oarl Kasell. But don’t kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours. - Bees hang tight. - We’re all jammed in. It’s a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you’re out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood’s about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I’d catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee’s got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. “They make the honey, and we make the money”? Oh, my! What’s going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn’t last too long. Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes! That’s a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There’s hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That’s a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He’s been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it’s true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That’s a killer. There’s only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive’s only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble. - And I’m Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we’ll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, “I’m a kid from the hive. I can’t do this”? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It’s a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They’re scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. Honey, her backhand’s a joke! I’m not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I’m helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we’re really busy working. But it’s our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting… - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you’re three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty! It’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It’s pretty big, isn’t it? I can’t believe how many humans don’t work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What’s the matter? - I don’t know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn’t the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson… you’re representing all the bees of the world? I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we’re ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man’s divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. Honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we’re the little guys! I’m hoping that, after this is all over, you’ll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he’d dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don’t imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn’t hear you. - No. - No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They’re very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How’d you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that’s enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you’ve never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven’t. No, you haven’t. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I’m feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That’s not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that’s ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn’t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You’re all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury’s on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I’m a florist. Right. Well, here’s to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn’t think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There’s a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. The ball’s a little grabby. That’s where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn’t really a special skill. You think I don’t see what you’re doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I’m going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. - What’s that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I’m wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I’ve got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You’re bluffing. - Am I? Surf’s up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! We need to talk! He’s just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I’m sorry about all that. I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn’t overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he’s considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you’ve gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it’s gonna be all over. Don’t worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We’re friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… …bedbug? I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn’t your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but… - So those aren’t your real parents! - Oh, Barry… - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you, Benson? He’s denouncing bees! Don’t y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I’m going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Oh, I’m hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can’t treat them like equals! They’re striped savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can’t feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn’t I? It doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re alive. You could have died. I’d be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can’t explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then… and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don’t know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. That’s it! That’s our case! It is? It’s not over? Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it’s interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don’t make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. But you can’t! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It’s a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, “Smoking or non?” Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He’s playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I’m OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You’ll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery’s right? - What do you mean? We’ve been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We’re all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He’ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames… But it’s just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan’t breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there’s gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We’ve never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We’re shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What’s going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They’re home. They don’t know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can’t. I don’t understand why they’re not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing. Honey really changes people. You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They’re all wilting. Doesn’t look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I’m gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn’t think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It’s notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That’s our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I’ll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They’ve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That’s why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I’ve ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I’ve made it worse. Actually, it’s completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it’s greater than my previous ideas combined. I don’t want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It’s real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I’m the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I’m getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let’s see what this baby’ll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… …without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there’s no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It’s part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It’s got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we’ll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I’m in a real situation. - What’d you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don’t freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! - Who’s an attorney? Don’t move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One’s bald, one’s in a boat, they’re both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one’s flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What’s your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. Where’s the pilot? He’s unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who’s that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. I can’t fly a plane. - Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We’re headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That’s Barry! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There’s a bee on that plane. I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They’ve done enough damage. But isn’t he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small… Haven’t we heard this a million times? “The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense.” - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We’re going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to working together. That’s the bee way! We’re not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn’t so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we’re not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let’s get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I’d do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don’t have to yell. I’m not yelling! We’re in a lot of trouble. It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! I can’t do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it’s my turn. How is the plane flying? I don’t know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let’s drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can’t see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. - What? - I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We’re going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I’m aiming at the flower! That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This’s the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we’re not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we’re gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We’re bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You’ve earned this. Yeah! I’m a Pollen Jock! And it’s a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That’s our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now’s the time. I got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! Here’s your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don’t forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I’m sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I’m late. He’s a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can’t get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You’re a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who’s next? All right, scramble, jocks! It’s time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let’s just stop for a second. Hold it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone.Can we stop here? I’m not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that
—  The Bee Movie

Their daughter gets sick the night before the free skate of the Grand Prix Final.

It was to be Otabek’s last Grand Prix final, having deciding to retire no matter what the outcome. He had a daughter to care for, plus his body was starting to give out. He couldn’t skate forever. He had no idea what he wanted to do once his skating career was over, but he would figure it out.

So, their daughter gets sick the night before the last day of the Grand Prix Final and they need to get sleep. Yakov, who had gratefully agreed to coach Otabek for his last year, would be pissed if they showed up with dark circles under their eyes.

But Ekaterina keeps crying and coughing and she even vomits all over Otabek all in the course of three hours. He and Yuri take turns sleeping and taking care of her. Otabek sings her to sleep and Yuri rocks her, whispering kind Russian words in a sleepy voice.

When it’s time to get up early that morning all three of them are bleary eyed, Katya’s fever never subsiding. Yuri doesn’t drink coffee but he buys an energy drink, Otabek grabbing a coffee for himself. And then they have to go to the rink for practice before it actually starts.

Yuri is glaring when he hands Katya over to Victor and Yuuri, who for whatever reason had decided to come. Both parents were grateful they were there though so they could give their daughter to somebody trustworthy.

“WE gave her medicine already,” Yuri was explaining with a scowl, “Make sure that blanket stays wrapped around her or I will wring your neck. And then make sure she wears the headphones. I don’t want to hear her screaming over the music okay?”

“Don’t worry Yurio we’ve got this. It’ll be good practice for when we have a child!” Victor grinned.

“Don’t reproduce, for the love of god.” Yuri mumbled.

Yuuri just laughed and rubbed Katya’s back. “We’ll take good care of her Yurio, I promise. Good luck.”

Yuri scowled and Otabek curled his arm around him, turning him away. They needed to go before Yakov wrings their neck. Yakov was fuming by the time they got to him and he shoved them on the ice after getting changed.

Otabek skated with his heart heavy with anxiety and worry. He was worried about his daughter, wondering if Victor and Yuuri could handle a sick child. And he was anxious for other reasons. He had a plan when the scores were announced and three skaters stood on the podium. If everything worked out he and Yuri would be standing up there together. Yuri was currently at number one, the only thing separating them being one Jean-Jacques Leroy.

Skating their programs approached slow yet quick. Three skaters went before Otabek but he wasn’t breaking a sweat. He closed his eyes and listened to the music, imagining his movements and the twirls and jumps of his body. And then he skated onto the ice, passing by Emil as he did so.

“Beka, Davai!” Yuri called out and Otabek smirked to himself as his music began. He focused all of his thoughts on his daughter, as his program was dedicated to her. 

And when he was done, there were tears clinging to his lashes as he ended with the thought of Yuri curled protectively around Katya in his sleep. He earned a roar of applause and a score that brought him to number one. 

JJ skated but he didn’t come close to Otabek (or Phichit’s score).

And then Yuri took the ice, a thumbs-up coming right after Otabek’s cry of “Davai.” He was flawless, of course he was. But Otabek a little better, earning gold overall with Yuri at silver and Phichit finally earning a medal for his country.

Yuri wasn’t mad that he had gotten silver because he lost to his love.

Besides, he got a gold medal of his own.

After the gold medal was stung around Otabek’s neck, he dropped to one knee next to Yuri and pulled a ring from the pocket of his free skate costume. The bouquet of flowers fell from Yuri’s arms as he brought his hands up to cup my face. Phichit was standing behind Otabek in the same fashion as Yuri and he looked like he was itching for his phone.

“Yuri. Marry me.” He didn’t propose it as a question, but when had he ever.

“Of course, dumbass.” Yuri laughed through his tears, which he would openly deny either. Cameras were flashing but Otabek rose from his knee and Yuri tugged him close by his medal to kiss him in front of the crowd. 

Somewhere in the audience Victor and Yuuri were openly sobbing, Katya in Victor’s arms asleep completely unaware of the moment currently happening.

Reason number 1 why I should be allowed to have a gun in my dorm: some acquaintance of my roommate attempted to rob my roommate at gunpoint, in our dorm room.  This happened an hour ago.

No one was seriously injured, no shots fired, we’re all okay.  But we didn’t have any feasible way to defend ourselves other than literally going fist-to-fist with them, which is what my roommate did (and won, what a fucking badass).

But there is a possible future that all five of us–me, my three roommates, and a guest–who were minding our own business could have been shot and killed and we would have been helpless because of the narrative that guns are scary and evil and therefore we non-scary and non-evil people have no legitimate reason to own and carry them.

I want that on the record.  If I had died tonight, it would be completely the fault of the state that I had been a victim, rather than there being a fight on approximately equal footing.

Fuck your gun control.

Pro revenge from a revenge pro.

(long story. TL;DR at the end)

If you think about it cynically, one of the functions of the police is to provide a sort of society-wide revenge service. Unfortunately for this sub, it’s usually kind of boring. When cops do take exceptional revenge, it’s usually unfortunate and icky, like a dirty beating in the no-camera areas of the copshop, or giving someone the silent-patrolman treatment during transport. Fortunately, most cop revenge isn’t dramatic - it’s procedural. You misbehave, we do the paperwork, and eventually some consequences happen, or not.

Sometimes, however, you get a chance to take a bit of vengeance that is (i hope) the very definition of professional.

For a time, I was a small-town Canadian cop, working in $hicksville, $province. Several years before I came to work in the town, there was an event which entered town legend (and made national news - the funny little throwaway story they go to just before the end of the broadcast). Some kids committed an act of spectacular and iconic vandalism, and cost the town quite a bit of money. They were all caught, tried and sentenced to probation terms with restitution. I would love to provide details, but anything more would be immediately identifying.

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