number one insult

Malfoy's Cat and The Necessary Rules for Survival

               Gossip is a constant but unfortunate norm at Hogwarts. Before the war, it was over superficial things; who was dating who, was that really their nose or just a glamour, or even who was to be blamed for the loss of fans for professional Quidditch?

                After the war, the gossip changed. Oh, it was still about who is dating who, no that really is a glamour and the popular consensus was that it was entirely the Chudley Cannons fault for the downfall of Quidditch fans.

                But…

                Something else was bothering a lot of students. Draco Malfoy.

                There was a margin of people that disliked the Slytherin because of who he was. Snarky, rude, pretentious, ex-Death Eater, all around bastard and current boyfriend of one Harry Potter.

                However, the majority of the students were too distracted to notice all of that. The appearance of the cold blonde for his eighth year was overshadowed by Malfoy’s cat.

                A small, tiny, little kitten. The cat was so small that most people worried it had been taken from its mother too soon. Which was a strike against Malfoy. Some suspected by the cat’s incredibly disheveled black fur, that the Slytherin didn’t properly care for the poor thing either. Not to mention the feline was left to its own devices a lot of the time. The cat could be seen running around the halls chasing peeves, sprinting outside chasing butterflies, or racing down corridors in pursuit of bullies.

                Because, yes, Malfoy’s kitten disliked anyone speaking negatively of others. Which was honestly ironic considering the cat loved Malfoy. That much was obvious by the loud purring the animal would emit at the sight of the Slytherin.

                The cat was the main topic of conversation, even half-way through the year.

                “It’s got to be a devil-cat.” Justin whispered to his friends, the whisper carried around the quiet of the library.

                “I heard that it’s claws are sharper than knives.” Ernie told them sagely.

                “The eyes are where you can tell it’s really evil. They just follow you around wherever you go.” Mumbled Michael as he looked around to make sure the cat wasn’t in sight.

                “The cat freaks me out.” Hannah piped up. “I can’t live like this!”

                 “Sounds like you all need some rules to abide by, to ensure you don’t anger the evil cat.” Luna sing-songed on her to put away a book.   

                That had them all scrambling to get close and begin arguing over the best guideline for survival. Word of mouth passed quickly and by lunchtime a list was being formed.

                Malfoy’s Cat and the Necessary Rules for Survival.

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 Rule Number One: Don’t insult, hex, curse, sneer at, or judge Malfoy.

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Stop using “psycho” and “psychotic” as insults to a character.

FINAL HOLIDAY FIC!!!!

I HAVE COMPLETED MY FINAL HOLIDAY THEMED FIC!!! THEY ARE ALL DONE!!!! I CAN OFFICIALLY GO BACK TO MY OTHER IMPORTANT PROJECTS!!!! 

This was the other outline I had for my original secret santa prompt and even though I went with my other idea I just couldn’t let it go- so credit for this existing goes to @pozolegirl whose prompt this is also based on ^_~ 

Anyways enjoy this last little bit of holiday cheer. ^_^ 


IT’S THE MOST PUNDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

December 1st 9:24 p.m.

“Do you really think these terrible lines of yours will ever work Chaton?”

Chat grinned as Ladybug once again rolled her eyes at his flirtation.

“Eventually,” he said lightly, leaning in so that their noses were almost touching.  

“How? They are terrible! Why would anyone think that combining puns and pick up lines is attractive?” She put a finger square in the middle of his chest and pushed him, flicking his bell once he was back to his original position.

“Because it’s funny. And everyone knows women love a guy with a sense of humor.”

“Aww poor Chaton. Looks like you will die alone.”

“Hey!”

“I’m just teasing minou. There must be some poor soul out there that will put up with you.”

“Are you offering?” he asked, already bracing for yet another rejection.

“Ha. Hardly.”

And there it was.

For all their flirting- and Chat would argue to his dying breath that for all her denials she was definitely flirting back- he had never managed to get past the suggestive bantering stage of his courtship. After a year and a half of attempts it was beginning to get a little disheartening.

“Come on my lady, give me a chance? One kiss. We can call it a Christmas Miracle.” He hoped his voice didn’t sound as desperately pathetic to her as it did to him.

“Ok, you want a Christmas Miracle?” she asked, giving him a serious once over, “If you can come up with one of your horrible puns that actually makes me laugh between now and Christmas eve, I will kiss you.”

“Are you serious?” he gasped.

“Yep.”

“That’s it? Just make you laugh?” he ask, waiting for some sort of impossible catch.

“With a pun.”

Ah. There it was.

“How many am I allowed to make?” he asked cautiously, already forming a plan in his mind. It was difficult certainly, but not impossible.

“As many as I can stomach I suppose,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders and giving him playful smile.

“You must really want to kiss me after all my lady,” he teased, grasping her hand in his and brining it flirtatiously to his lips.  

“No I just know that your jokes aren’t that funny. Perhaps this will teach you that as well and I can finally be free of them. It will be my Christmas present to myself.”

“We shall see, My Lady.”

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