I had a decent poo just now
I know it’s gross but for me, actually pooping is an achievement itself due to how constipated I’ve been.
I think it might be safe to weigh myself man.
I feel better than I have in days.
I think the toxins just like, came out of me.
Also, I’ve been working out despite the heat and we sweat out toxins too so yeah.
I think that’s affecting me a bit.

Shut Up And Kiss Me

Based on Anon Prompt: “ May I request a one shot where the reader is self conscious about herself until owen shuts her up and tells her she is perfect and beautiful and gives her a kiss”

You stand in front of the mirror grimacing. You hate parties, yet here you are, about to go to the stupid Five Year Anniversary Gala. You’re already feeling self-conscious in your red dress but you’ve already changed three times and you’re out of time. You walk out of the bedroom to find Owen in the kitchen eating a slice of cold pizza. The second you see him, your heart drops. You already don’t feel well and you have to go to the party with this Adonis looking, drop-dead gorgeous man standing in front of you. Rather than feeling lucky that someone as amazing as Owen fell in love with you, all you can think is what people will say.

What’s wrong with him, why is he dating her?

God, I would be embarrassed to be seen here with someone looking like that on my arm.

She can’t even hold a conversation, what does he see in her?

Your anxiety is building up as you imagine every possible scenario. Your hands begin to shake involuntarily and you can already feel yourself beginning to sweat.

“Owen, I don’t think I can go tonight. I don’t feel good.” You wrap your arms around yourself, already feeling nauseous. “I think I’ll just stay home.” You stare at the floor, embarrassed because you know he always sees straight through your façade.

Since you walked in the room, he hasn’t said anything, just leaned there against the counter with his mouth hanging open. You stare at him now.

“Yeah, Owen I know I look gross. Please can I just stay home, I don’t want-”

You’re sentences is cut short as Owen crosses the room in two steps and crushes his lips to yours. He slides one hand to your back and the other holding your cheek as your lips move together. Your lips part slightly for him, wanting more of him, but he pulls back and looks into your eyes.

“You look so goddamned beautiful.” His hungry gaze sends a shiver through your body and this causes him to laugh. He leans in for one more soft, teasing kiss before grabbing your purse off the table and handing it to you with a smile. “Now come on, we’re going to be late.”

As he pulls you out of the bungalow, your nerves are worse off than they were before. Now, not only do you not want to go to the party, you actually want to stay home and pick up where that kiss left off. You groan, and he looks at you out of the corner of his eye. He frowns and places a hand on your thigh; this does nothing to calm your racing thoughts.

“You really do look gorgeous.” He says, smiling at the path ahead of him.

“I’m going to look like shit next to all the other girls. I bet those stupid interns look amazing.” You worry your lip and try to keep your breathing calm. Right now, your brain is running through every possible screw up, embarrassment, and wrong step that you could do. It’s going to be a long night.

When you show up to the parks convention center, you immediately see all the people in black tie and feel like they look a thousand times better than you. Everywhere you turn, there’s a beautiful woman in a short dress and half of them want to come have a conversation with Owen. He makes small talk but brushes them off as kindly as he can, seeing that panic in your eyes.

“I’m going to go get us some drinks, okay?” He asks, taking your hand and pulling it to his mouth for a kiss. “I’ll be right back.” As he turns to leave, you look towards the door wondering if you could get home before he notices you’ve gone missing. Before you can form your escape plan, some tall blonde girl comes up to you.

“Oh my goodness, you look amazing!” She says this in an overly cheery voice and you feel slightly more confident until she continues. “So are you and Grady exclusive or is he like fair game? My friends said he’s a great lay and, I mean, it can’t hurt to ask, right?” She lets out a giggle and in her mind, she probably didn’t do anything wrong, but you feel like you’re going to vomit. You turn away from her without answering and look for somewhere to hide.

You know it seems childish, and someone finding you right now would probably just make things worse, but you lean your head against the wall you’re sitting against. It took a few minutes to calm yourself down from having an attack right here in public, but you couldn’t breathe properly and also still felt nauseous. You found a small hallway out of the main hall, past the bathrooms. You figured being this far out, no one would find you. That is, until you see Lowery turn down the hall and lock eyes with you. He frowns slightly and pulls out his phone while walking towards you.

“I found her; the hall by the bathrooms.” He hangs up and comes to sit beside you against the wall. “You okay?” he asks, turning his head to look at you.

You pull you knees to your chest, thankful that you wore a loose dress, and shake your head. He puts a hand on your back and rubs circles. “It’s not your fault,” he says, “You don’t have any control over it, so don’t be embarrassed.”

Lowery is such a good friend and you begin to get tears in your eyes before looking up and seeing Owen walk down the hallway. All you can imagine is him getting mad that you ran, and are making him miss half of the Gala looking for you. Lowery pushes himself to his feet and takes your hand to help you up. He puts his hand on Owen’s shoulder before telling you both goodnight.

You try to keep the tears in, but they’re running down your cheek now.

“Owen, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to run off, this girl asked if you were fair game and I just couldn’t stay there and you’re too good to be here with me anyway.” Your words were almost gibberish between your rambling and sniffling. “I don’t belong here I’m just ruining your night, Owen I’ll just-”

For the second time tonight, Owen cuts you off with a kiss. It stops your mind for a second, but it’s not fixing anything. You pull back, wiping your face and say, “Really, Owen, you’ll have more fun without me. I just need to go home.”

He laughs at this and leans towards you, pressing you into the wall. His lips are inches away from yours when he speaks.

“Y/n, you are absolutely perfect, and I love you just the way you are. I don’t want anyone else; I want you and everything that comes with you.” He smirks down at you, “Now shut up and kiss me.” He kisses you again, more slow this time. His arms wrap around you and he pulls you so close to him, his tongue finally slipping into your mouth. You love the taste of him and your brain goes foggy, forgetting the anxiety and fear and everything. Owen pulls away, chuckling slightly at how breathless you are.

“Let’s get out of here.” He says, smirking down at you before scrunching up his nose. “The liquor here sucks.” You look up into his eyes, not sure how you found someone as amazing as him. Smiling, you nod your head, not trusting yourself to speak. Owen really does know exactly what you need to hear. His words can get you excited, calm you down, make your forget the world around you and, at a moment like this, make your clothes practically fall off your body. You can guarantee that you have more fun in your night-in tonight than any person at that stupid Gala.

Surprise threesome [M.C & C.H]


this was written like a year and a half ago I was still a fetus in writing smut so do not judge this work okay it’s fairly well written (not really that was a lie)

no this isn’t malum smut smh i am working on that right now its het i know gross right gay smut is 100% better but enjoy anyways
word count - 1434

   I swayed along to the music beating through my veins,taking over my being,almost causing me to crash my fucking car.I sauntered up to my front door,and realized the garage door opened a crack. I peered over at it,seeing Michael’s car in it. A flash of confusion swept my face,but soon replaced by something else. I was happy he was here. It may take my mind off of Calum and the small disagreement we had for a bit,that was the single most reason I hung out with Michael in the first place.

I jogged up to the door,opening it slightly,and hearing some loud laughing and a choked laugh.

I was confused so I followed the sound,finding myself at the entrance of the room Calum likes to call his ‘game room’

when in all reality all it was was a computer,TV,gaming stations,and a big king sized bed we usually slept in when he was over.

I walked in quietly and overheard Calum and Michael laughing about lord knows what. They snapped their uttermost attention towards me,and immediately ceased their laughing,their expressions becoming serious.

“Y/N.” Michael mumbled his one-word sentence,seemingly giving Calum what looked like a que.

They both eased from their chairs and walked towards me,their eyes burning with lust. I hadn’t noticed before,but the only light was the rays daring to peek through the shallow glass,piercing the curtains barely doing much good for the lights.

It made the room a whole lot more seductive.

Michael edged closer,taking his pick and giving me a light kiss on my lips. It felt foreign,odd,and I was amazed he had the audacity to do that right in the midst of Calum looking at us,but he didn’t mind at all whatsoever.

Calum came up behind me and started rubbing me through my pants,arousing me.

I moaned softly into Michael’s eager mouth,causing him to bite down onto my bottom lip,only making me want them more.


I was suddenly aware of four hands touching me, feeling me.

“What’s going on?” I managed to squeak out.

“Well here’s the thing,” Calum started, “I want you,he wants you,you want me,and him also.”

I blushed and stared consciously into his eyes,looking blank.

“I heard you last night Y/N. Don’t play stupid.” Michael laughed out. I suddenly got wide-eyed and knew what he was talking about.

I had been watching old videos of Michael & I together,him grinding over me. I had no absolute recollection of making these,but I had found them and had to admit,it was pretty steaming.

I had been feeling hot and bothered watching him,so I tried to take care of it myself. I had moaned his name out multiple times thinking he was asleep,but seemingly wasn’t.

I bit my lip and stared up at him,embarrassed.

I was pushed onto the large bed by a horny Calum,doggy position. I took my chance and started unzipping Michael slowly,taking him apart from the inside while not even pressing up against him on the outside.

I could feel him stiffening up,his length uncomfortably pressed against the tight cloth.

I grasped him through his briefs,making him purse his lips tightly,attempting to stifle a loud moan, and failing.

I palmed him more,till he couldn’t hold his messy moans to himself any longer. He let out a frustrated groan and slipped them off without any struggle.

His throbbing dick sprung out and slapped his torso,making my jaw drop. His size was impressive to say the least. I licked my lips and held him in front of my mouth.

I vigorously licked at his tip,tantalizing him. He hissed out a moan or two before wrapping his fingers in my hair and pushing himself into my mouth,almost hitting the back of my throat.

My teeth grazed his hard skin,continuing to tease him. He started to become a moaning mess when I felt the sudden burst of pleasure as Calum entered me unexpectedly. I couldn’t remember the last time he started this fast and frankly I didn’t give a shit.

I moaned onto Michael,giving him the opportunity to fuck my mouth relentlessly.

Calum pounded into me harder. And harder. I screamed as he made me endure the feeling of him hitting my G-spot with every passing thrust.

“Shit Y/N.” Michael hissed in an attempt to push me harder onto him. I could feel the burning pit of passion building up in the bottom of my stomach,threatening to release at any moment onto Calum.

Calum held tightly onto my burning raw skin as I felt him continuously slapping onto me,pushing me closer.

I looked up at Michael,batting my eyelashes,trying my hardest to be more seductive than submissive. My fingernails dug into his toned torso,making him call out for me.

My legs shook with every passing second,torturing me,almost making me collapse. My breaths shook and became more and more shaky.

I felt Michael’s dick twitch in my mouth,shoving me to my high. I released onto Calum and Michael soon announced he was close as well.

I pulled him away from me so that he unloaded onto my bare chest that Calum had uncovered whilst pounding me.

Michael leaned his head back and took a few shallow breaths while Calum got closer to coming.

He pulled out before he could though,and repositioned us so that I was straddling him.

I gave him a questioning look till I got the vibe and took him into my mouth,swirling my tongue around his tip teasingly.

Michael firmly pressed his tongue against my entrance licking up the rest of my arousal that he and Calum both caused.

Then we decided on switching positions again so that Calum was standing up beside the bed,Michael was lying on his back on the bed,and me confused.

“See here baby,you’re gonna ride Michael’s face and suck me off.”  Calum said matter-off-factly. I was shocked and a bit concerned because II had never ridden someone’s face and never actually planned on doing so. But I obeyed nevertheless.

I hesitantly lowered myself onto Michael’s face,moaning instantly.

I held back on bursting again with pleasure to place Calum into my mouth,biting down gently and dragging my teeth across him. He moaned and pumped himself where I couldn’t fit him into my mouth,and with the other hand encouraged me to go deeper whilst pushing the back of my head onto him. His tip grazed my throat,enlivening my gag reflexes.

He was throbbing in my mouth,begging for more. In which I gave him. I licked up his shaft,quickening my pace a few steps more.

“Babbby fuckk your so g-good at this.” I loved this effect I had on him,the way he became putty in my hands. “You love my hard cock don’t you babygirl?”

I started bouncing a little onto Michael’s face after those words,inflicting more pleasure onto myself. I loved the way his tongue perfectly moved in sync with my movements,and the way he made eye contact with me every time I looked down on him.

His hands pinched at my hips,pulling me harder onto him,dispensing more pleasure like a machine. Calum seemed to clearly enjoy the way my moans shook his dick,making him twitch in my mouth.

“Shit Y/N I’m gonna come..” He groaned,his alert coming a bit late. He released into my mouth,making me swallow all of his load.

I rode out the rest of my high,taken aback by the complete state of euphoria he was causing me. He was a master craftsmen with his tongue most definitely.

I threw my head back and muffled the scream by shoving my lips against Calum’s.

I flopped onto my bed,completely exhausted. They settled down on either side of me and burst out laughing.

“I knew you were good. But not that fucking good.” Michael joked. I sighed and cuddled against Calum. I was still dumbfounded by the reaction he had to it all,that he was okay with it.

“Why thankyou!” I said modestly.

Like that was a word I could even use anymore.

I gave Calum’s chest a light kiss and was drained so much in exhaustion that I didn’t even feel my eyelids weighing down,causing me to drift into my own little dream world.