now you know why you must live because winter is coming

I’ve been seeing a man in my backyard for the past two nights

Story by reddit user Opinionson

To start I need to give some background:

I am a male who lives in relatively nice neighborhood

It’s your average small town run of the mill suburbs area with not a lot of people.

I am a college kid who’s home on break while my parents have gone away which doesn’t help at all.

I have a two story house

I do not have gun nor do I have any real weapons other than kitchen knives

I am not on any medication and I have no record of schizophrenia or any other mental illnesses

I barely have any relationships with my neighbors most of whom are elderly and the rest I have minimal contact with

I do not have any people in my neighborhood (that I know of) who have reasons to attack or harm me

Now, let’s get into what has been happening. About two nights ago I woke up very late in the night and I went to the bathroom to go take a shit. Now, my second story bathroom has a window that can see the entirety of my backyard. Directly behind it is a cul de sac which you can see directly into. There is a group of trees and pile of rocks and mulch that divides it. Usually I can see everything in my backroom without turning on my because lights from my neighbor’s house dimly lights the room.

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Queens of Mewni & Their Cheek Symbol

So, I just thought to make the list of the cheek symbols of the Queens of Mewni for my next analysis (the significance of these cheek symbols). The first column were the image of the queens, second is their cheek symbols, third is symbolism’s meaning I got from the internet, and fourth is what traits I think you needed to get that symbol in the SVTFOE universe (in short, what the symbol signifies). 

SVTFOE Card Suite Symbolism speculation:

Heart - people with this symbol are very lovable and has a distinguishing “charm” that naturally attracts people and come to her side. They prioritize their relationship with others compared to anything else and usually let their heart dictates their action (emotional). They are often found as center of the group

Spade - people with this symbol wields strong and fearsome power, even more powerful than normal and typical queens.

Diamond - people with this symbol have the tendency to take the center of command and shoulder the burden and responsibility by their selves. They dress in jewelry and finery, conducting their selves as befitting of nobility.

Club - people with this symbol have the “common” mindset. They appreciate the values that works for the greater whole of society and hates anything that could destroy the social order they are comfortable and grew up in already.

Color symbolism speculation:

Shades of purple - elegance, nobility, regal

Yellow - bright, lively

Pink - lovely, feminine, 

White - harmony, power, everything (as it is combination of all colors of light. That’s why Moon said you must give everything if you want to “dip down”)


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Hamilton: Every Song Summarized
  • Alexander Hamilton: It's ye home boi Alex
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: Two college men walk into a bar with three drunkards, and-
  • My Shot: Do you ever just want to overthrow a government (Featuring Alexander having an existential crisis)
  • The Story Of Tonight: Painful foreshadowing coming from Laurens
  • The Schuyler Sisters: its ye home gals angellica eliza AND PEGGY
  • Farmers Refuted: It's Time For Alexander's Opinion
  • You'll Be Back: I cannot fucking believe King George III is a yandere
  • Right Hand Man: Burr needs to call the rejection hotline
  • A Winters Ball: RELIABLE WITH THE *LADIES*
  • Helpless: Ye gal Eliza falls for ye boi Alex
  • Satisfied: Angelica has emotional issues and I want to help her
  • The Story Of Tonight Reprise: SPIT A VERSE, BURR
  • Wait For It: Burr spits a verse (Sort of)
  • Stay Alive: Charles Lee shows up and Laurens is like "We should shoot that guy"
  • Ten Duel Commandments: Laurens shoots that guy
  • Meet Me Inside: Alexander gets grounded
  • That Would Be Enough: HEARTBREAK.
  • Guns and Ships: L A F A Y E T T E
  • History Has It's Eyes On You: Don't fuck up because history is always watching
  • Yorktown: Alexander and Lafayette overthrow a government
  • What Comes Next?: King George is still a yandere but now he's a Bitter Yandere
  • Dear Theodosia: THE DAD SONG
  • Non-Stop: Burr wonders why and how Alexander does things
  • What'd I Miss: Jeffy boi is done getting high in France and now he's back to get high in America
  • Cabinet Battle #1: Political debate turns into a rap battle
  • Take A Break: Alexander says "No" 500000 times
  • Say No To This: Alexander forgets how to say "No" 500000 times
  • The Room Where It Happens: Burr needs to call the rejection hotline again
  • Schuyler Defeated: Alexander throws away Burr's friendship bracelet
  • Cabinet Battle #2: you must be out oF YOUR GODDAMN MIND-
  • Washington On Your Side: MOTHERFUCKING SOUTHERN DEMOCRATIC REPUBLICANS
  • One Last Time: Washington is resigning and Alexander has abandonment issues
  • I Know Him: JESUS CHRIST THIS WILL BE FUN!!!~
  • The Adams Administration: Hamilton fucking obliterates John Adams
  • We Know: Jefferson, Burr, and Madison become the TMZ of the 1700-1800s
  • Hurricane: Alexander decides to #expose himself
  • The Reynolds Pamphlet: Alexander probably regrets deciding to #expose himself
  • Burn: ELIZA DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS
  • Blow Us All Away: Alexander encourages his son to get in a gun fight and is shocked when he gets shot
  • Stay Alive Reprise: CRUSHING DEPRESSION
  • It's Quiet Uptown: EVEN MORE CRUSHING DEPRESSION
  • The Election of 1800: Jefferson is tired of drama and he just wants politics
  • Your Obedient Servant: "Fucking fight me, Alex." ~Burr
  • Best of Wives and Best of Women: WOW EVEN MORE CRUSHING DEPRESSION
  • The World Was Wide Enough: "Talk shit get hit." ~Burr
  • Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: I'M CRYING OVER A FOUNDING FATHER.

okay, so. the thing that kills me about Wonder Woman is that it’s so, so absurdist, and in the best way. all of the characters except diana go into the entire thing knowing that the war might never end, that the people in charge of their armies don’t give a flying fuck about what happens to the people on the ground, that everything they do might not even matter in the long run. steve even says when he’s on themyscira that it seems like the world’s going to end.

one of the most famous lines by camus (who was an absurdist) is “in the middle of winter i at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer.” the entire point of absurdism is staring into the void and saying, “no, i refuse.” the world is empty and bleak and meaningless, and you could choose to be nihilist about that, or you could pick yourself up and create the meaning you want to see. and that’s what all of the characters in wonder woman do.

when he gets in that plane steve knows, he knows, that they still might not win the war. he knows diana might not be able to kill ares. he knows dr. poison might still escape. he knows that people are still going to die. and you know what? he gets in the plane anyway. he stares into the face of a war that might never end and says, well, i can save today. and that is what matters. 

sam and chief and charlie watch their friend run toward a plane and know he’s on a suicide mission (that might not even save the war!) and they yell to stop him at first and then they cover him like he asked them to because even when they hate it, they respect his ability to make his own decisions and they hold up their end of the deal. they risk their lives helping him risk his because it’s what they signed up to. it’s what they should do. 

when diana leaves themyscira, she knows she might not live to come back. sure, her character is driven by a kind of relentless optimism, but it’s a chosen optimism, not a naive one. she might die, but she’ll be damned if she dies doing anything other than what is just, what is her duty as an amazon. her mother says, “what if you never come back?” and diana’s reply is, “who will i be if i stay?”

when steve’s on the plane and it looks like they’re all about to die, all sam and chief and charlie do is they lean in to each other. yeah, the world’s ending, so what are we gonna do? we’re gonna spend those last moments with each other. we’re gonna close our eyes and know that we did all that we could and even if it ends up doing nothing to affect the war as a whole, well, at least we did something.

there’s a story from the holocaust about a group of jews reciting prayers when one stops and says “why are we doing this? we’re about to die. only a madman would say these prayers now.” and the rabbi looks at him and quietly says, “our enemies have taken everything from us, but they cannot take our freedom to say these prayers. we must live as free men temporarily in captivity. that, if necessary, is how we will die.”

the characters in wonder woman push on even when they think it might be pointless, because that is the point. absurdism is about accepting that maybe you’ll never be able to make everything right, you might not even be able to make everything okay, but you can always do something. you can walk into the unending darkness, hold up a lighter, flick it on and say, “i win.” and in doing so, you will have won.

ASTRO’S True Debut

After talking with @sanhatation​ and @moon-hyuks​ for.. a couple of hours(?), we cracked the code.

Hide & Seek: So the girl and ASTRO are in two separate realities.  This is marked by the change of saturation between the two.  Anywhere ASTRO is, it’s overly saturated.  Anywhere the girl is, it’s rather dull in comparison.  The girl can’t directly interact with ASTRO and vice versa.  She only can interact with ASTRO through mirrors and shadows.  At the end of the music video, the girl wakes up.  She was only dreaming about ASTRO.  ASTRO were part of her dream.

Breathless: ASTRO are soda bottles.  They’re with the girl and they’re influenced by her.  If the cooler tips over, ASTRO falls.  If the cooler is shaken, ASTRO is also.  However, ASTRO still cannot directly interact with the girl.  At the end of the music video, ASTRO wakes up.  ASTRO were dreaming of the girl that once dreamed of them.

Confession: ASTRO and the girl are now together.  Both of them have direct influence on each other.  ASTRO makes the girl happy and keeps her company, the girl can put ASTRO in situations (like making them holding tennis rackets and then take them away, for example).  At the end, it appears that the girl is leaving ASTRO.  ASTRO were never real to her anyway.  They were drawings, hopes and dreams of a perfect boy projected into a drawing.

The more ASTRO and the girl could communicate, the more real ASTRO became.  Or did they?

To Be Continued:  The name doesn’t make sense.  What does “to be continued” have to do with what happened in the show?

If you think about it, it really doesn’t have anything to do with it.  What’s being continued?  Nothing.  This is where the drama ends, leading off to ASTRO’s debut.

The girl woke up in Hide&Seek.  ASTRO weren’t actually with her.  ASTRO were a figment of her imagination, and she wasn’t actually with them.  In Breathless, ASTRO were the one to wake up.  The girl was a figment of ASTRO’s imagination, and there wasn’t actually a girl.  Nobody really seemed to wake up in Confession, but ASTRO were just dreams to the girl anyway.  ASTRO has never been an object in reality.

But what about the new song, the new concept, which is a direct continuation of Confession?

For the teaser photos of 붙잡았아여해 (Should’ve Held On), you might have noticed the mattress in the bathroom.

What do you do on a mattress?  You sleep.  ASTRO is saying that they “should’ve held on” to this dream, because once they wake up (once they become famous and wake up from this perfect dream their careers have been so far), things might change.

ASTRO being with the girl has never been real from the beginning.  In Hide&Seek, they were in the imagination of the girl.  In Breathless, the girl was in their imagination.  In Confession, they were the hopes and dreams of someone.  ASTRO have been dreaming of these girls, of their fans, of their first loves, but none of it is real.  Not until now, until Should’ve Held On.

ASTRO are waking up.  For the last year, over a year, since To Be Continued, ASTRO have been asleep.  They’ve been dreaming about AROHA, wanting to meet AROHA, their fans, wanting to experience that first love with AROHA.  They haven’t been able to, though.  They’ve been dreaming about the experience.

This wasn’t ASTRO’s true debut.  It was a dream.  (It was a debut, but hold on, don’t get lost yet.)

In To Be Continued, ASTRO goes to the past, back to when they were high school students.  In Hide&Seek and Confession, they wear school uniforms.  Up until this point, every comeback has been in the past.

At the end of To Be Continued, what happens?  ASTRO debuts, but it’s with a concept quite different from Hide&Seek.  Surely when this was filmed, ASTRO knew they were going to debut.  They might not have known when, but Fantagio must have.  Agencies do tend to plan very far in advance.  Even ASTRO was surprised by their debut concept being Hide&Seek.  It was so different from what they did up until that point.

The following is an excerpt from XP Star Shot’s article “ Debuting with a Bright Concept? We Couldn’t Have Imagined It”

Let’s now speak truthfully. Did you think that you were gonna be debuting this zesty?
Moonbin:
Before debuting, I couldn’t imagine that we’d be coming out with this kind of image. Big Bang, BTS, etc., we covered a lot songs with a strong concept when we were trainees. We never really tried soft and cute so at the beginning when they played the song for us at the company saying, “You guys will be debuting with this kind of song,” I was really shocked. Since it was of a completely different feel. I remember how hard conveying ourselves and making (the right) facial expressions was.

That’s because they’ve been practicing and finding themselves for the last year and a half.  They haven’t made their true debut, the debut that comes at the end of To Be Continued.

ASTRO have debuted.  They had Hide&Seek with Spring Up, Breathless with Summer Vibes, etc., but none of it was real.  ASTRO’s true concept, their true “debut” concept, is still to come.  But they’ve already done their debut. The debut that happens at the end of To Be Continued is still in the future from right now.  

ASTRO have been practicing.  When they debut with their true concept, their next album (after Winter Dreams), then they will be awake from the dream they’ve been in the last 4 albums.

If the “debut” in To Be Continued is in the future from now…

Eunwoo would be right.  They have  done it before.  They have debuted already, but they’re still nervous because this would be a true debut.

In To Be Continued, MJ even talks about reality being cruel.  ASTRO’s reality up until this point hasn’t been cruel.  They have a very successful career as rookies.  MJ knows reality is cruel.

But Saeron has comforting words to offer.

If you look at ASTRO where they are right now, in 2017, they are prepared for the future.  They might not be the most well known group out there, but they are prepared.  They know how music shows work, they know how to promote their album, they know how to treat each other and how to treat fans.  They have been preparing ever since Hide&Seek.

TL;DR: ASTRO have been preparing, dreaming, up until this point.  Nothing has been real.  Their dreams (Spring Up, Summer Vibes, and Autumn Story) have been easy.  Now they’re waking up from those dreams (Winter Dream).  They’re been prepared since the beginning, and once they’re awake, they can truly live with their fans and first loves and experience reality.

To Be Continued - Episode 12 screenshots - source

Article translation excerpt - source

Extra contributions below the cut

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letsmysticmeessenger  asked:

Jumin reacting to an MC who left him and he sees them 1-3yrs later with twins.

Broken Promises 

“Why are you doing this to me? What have I done for you to treat me like a piece of garbage Jumin” 

You ran upstairs after your fleeing boyfriend begging for him to answer you. He come home late again but you didn’t care. You were happy that the man that owns your heart came home to you every night. However, this night was different than the rest. 

You had dinner and wine prepared for him to come home to so he can relax after his long day at the office. You made sure that Elizabeth 3rd, or what you like to call her Lady Elizabeth, was fed first and that her fur was brushed. You gave food to the guards because guilt entered your blood stream every night because they get little to no sleep. 

You were folding laundry when you heard the door open. You dropped what you were doing and followed your heart. Laying your eyes on him, you jumped on him hoping for a passionate kiss. Sadly, you were met with him taking your arms off him. 

“We need to talk” he walked to the living room and sat at the edge of the sofa “I need you to sign the confidentiallity agreement stating that you will not reveal our past relationship to the public nor to other businessmen” he pushed the stack of papers that were highlighted for your initials and signatures. 

You grabbed the papers and you weren’t sure if it was heavy because it was a lot or because this is how much you relationship weighed to him. You got up and tried to find answers in his eyes but all you saw was winter. You stepped closer to him and he stepped back afraid that your rays of light will melt away the coldness he has formed around his heart. 

“Jumin, I need you to explain to me whats going on! Why are you treating me like I’m some kind of business partner. I am your fucking girlfriend Jumin.” 

“You mean was. Now stop being complicated and sign the papers so we can both go our separate ways. I’ll pack your belongings for you so you don’t need to worry and reminisce on the way to my room.” His long legs were going up the stairs and you cried out for him but he didn’t stop. You were running after him hoping to still hold on the love that the both of you once shared. 

“Why are you doing this to me? What have I done for you to treat me like a piece of garbage Jumin” you cried out not noticing you missed a step. You prepared to feel a different type of pain but you felt coldness on your skin. You looked up and notice he isn’t the man that you fell in love with. 

“How pathetic are you? Im telling you to leave and yet you are practically begging for me. Get it through the thick skull of yours (y/n). I mistaken my loneliness for love. I thought I loved you but I just liked the feeling of being wanted.” 

*5 years later* *Jumins POV* 

I took my wife’s hand while we made our way to her brothers dinner. His family lives in the United States so I haven’t had the opportunity to meet her dearest brother. I only know the basics of him that he owns a company and that he has a wife and two kids. 

We rang the doorbell to be greeted by the maid and butler of the house. They took our coats and led us in. Their home was impressive to be quite frank. The decorations does seem rather familiar. While I was examining the decor and familiar fragrance led me to look at the stair way. 

“Eisuke!!” my wife shrieked and ran up to him. I don’t blame her it must be hard not seeing your brother for over 10 years. He gave a cocky smirk and my wife led him to me. He was seizing me up and scoffed while giving me a handshake. I tighten my grip to wipe that smirk off his face and he tighten it as well. “Eisuke, where’s my sister in law and the babies!” 

He turned his head to the side and pouted “She’s not done yet sister. She just loves making me wait” he sighed. My wife laughed and touched his shoulder “You don’t like waiting Eisuke, you must really love her” 

“He does” I heard a voice from the top of the stairway. I thought my eyes were deceiving me. I blinked a couple of times and it really is her. The woman I pushed away for my own selfish reasons. I looked towards Eisuke, my dear brother in law, and notice a sincere smile plastered on his face. She made her way down the stairs and went towards Eisuke and not even batting a single eyelash my way. “Im sorry I’m late my love” she gave him a peck on his lips. 

He pouted again and she playfully slapped his shoulders. They both smiled and he brought her body closer to him “You know you are the only woman I would wait for” My heart gave me a sting and my wife noticed the sudden change in expression. She asked (y/n) to take me to the restroom and I followed her up the stairs. On the way to the restroom, I heard children laughing that was easily contagious. (Y/N) looked at me with her lovely eyes and motioned for me to follow her. 

I entered a room covered in mint walls with stuffed animals and books perfectly place. I looked at the center of the room to see two children, fraternal twins in fact, playing with each other. We were staring at her kids play with each other and my body unconsciously moved closer to her. She stepped to the side to create the distance I once put. I then notice hands snake around her waist pulling her closer to Eisuke. He kissed her cheek and my thoughts were interrupted with my wife linking our arms together. She gave me a kiss on my cheek but I couldn’t stop my mind thinking that (y/n) is living the life that I’m suppose to live with her. Eisuke and my wife walked in front of us out of the children’s room and (y/n) looked at me “Crazy how I thought I was going to be your wife and now” she giggled “Im practically your sister in law. Life works a funny way.” 

Her words stunned me. Yeah, life does work in a funny way. 

Becoming Queer

When I was 8 I was obsessed with Disney’s Aladdin. Not just the original movie, but both of it’s poorly made sequels too. I watched them everyday after school while I drew pictures in our basement TV room, simultaneously fixated on their adventures and creating my own on paper.

I remember being absolutely in awe of how handsome Aladdin was, but also of the beauty of Princess Jasmine. They were the most attractive people I could ever imagine existing.

When I was 10 my mom gave me an American Girl book all about puberty and the female body. I only read through the whole thing once, but I left it close to my bed because of the one page I looked at nearly everyday.

It was one of the sections of the book on bodily changes throughout puberty– body hair, periods, etc. At the bottom of was a picture of several girls in front of a mirror, completely naked, to illustrate the different sizes and shapes of breasts. I was absolutely fascinated by these girls: the soft curves of their hips, their round and full breasts, the way their thighs came together. Despite their cartoonish nature, this was the closest I’d come to seeing a grown girl’s body. It was foreign and beautiful to me.

Somehow, I knew this wasn’t normal, so I always hid the book after I was done in case mom asked why I still had it.

When I was 12 I found my self distracted in classroom discussion circles looking at girls chests and lips and thighs. Every time I caught myself I’d immediately look down at my lap and blush. I’d learned by now that it wasn’t normal for girls to look at other girls like that, what it meant to be gay. But I’d eventually find my eyes wandering again, my thoughts focused on how beautiful one of my female classmates was.

I remember walking down the hallway one day mentally reciting “you can’t be a lesbian, you like boys… every girl must look at each other like this.”

When I was 13 one of the girls that I clung to during PE (because they were just as repulsed by physical exertion as I was) told us she was bisexual. This was the first time I’d been told someone could be attracted to boys and girls at the same time. It was confusing and enlightening at the same time.

I remember she put her arms around my shoulders once, during badminton week, her face inches from mine. It made me nervous, but in a way that I’d never felt before. My stomach had dropped, and I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like the fear I’d felt from scary movies and my dad yelling at me, but it wasn’t quite like when I felt exhilarated from riding a rollercoaster or binging on sugar with my friends… it was something in between, and entirely new.

I’d told my mom about it and she immediately wanted to call the principal and make sure the girl didn’t touch me like that again. That scared me, her reacting like that. I started acting repulsed by the girl afterwards, telling my friends she had flirted with me even though I wasn’t entirely sure she had, how weird it was and how weird she was.

Looking back, I probably wish that she had been flirting with me.

When I was 14 I was acquainted with the first queer couple I’d ever met. They were in theatre with me, and I’d been wanting them to start dating for months. At this point I’d stopped acting weirded out by gay people and claiming that bisexual people were “selfish and should just pick a side already.” I openly showed my support for gay people, citing my theatre friends of examples of how “normal” they could be.

I walked in on the couple in the dressing room one rehearsal, shocked to see them making out. I stood in the doorway a moment, then walked out without either of them seeing me.

I thought about their kiss for the whole day, wondering how their relationship worked, what it was like to date someone of the same gender as you. I was dating a boy at the time, my first boyfriend and the one that would create fear and an inability to trust for my entire high school career when he started abusing me. I wondered if this couple’s relationship could be anything like ours.

When I was 15 I joined Tumblr. I’d just moved from Michigan to Alabama, had my heart broken by my abusive boyfriend furthering the pain he was inflicting by cheating on me, and was just beginning to realize that I had an eating disorder with no idea how to feel about it or whether or not I wanted it to go away.Tumblr became a place for me to escape all this into “fandoms” and “fitblrs” and personal posts from strangers I didn’t know but whose lives intrigued me. It was on Tumblr that I first encountered the word “pansexual.” I was 16.

I was intrigued and slightly obsessed with the concept of it, pansexuality. I’d only just begun to learn about transgender and heard rumors of other genders outside of men and women, and being attracted to all of them or being “genderblind” seemed impossible, but incredible. I spent months randomly researching sexual orientation and transgender people before finally adopting the term as my own.

Though, it was only in my head that I claimed pansexuality as my own. I didn’t want to tell anyone… not because I was ashamed so much, I’d forgotten that stigma several years ago, but more because I was afraid that I only wanted to be pansexual, not that I actually was.

After all, if only ever been in relationships with boys at that point. How could I know if I was actually attracted to other genders if I’d never dated them?

When I was 17 I got my first crush on a girl. I didn’t recognize that that was my motive at the time, but I was constantly staring at her in the two classes we shared, payed special attention when she spoke, and the day she announced that she had a Tumblr I made it my goal to be a part of her life.

By winter we were best friends. By summer I’d begun to realize the extent of my feelings for her. The first time I got drunk at 19 I blurted out that I thought about making out with her all the time. I told her how I felt at 20, 3 years of pining later.

She told me she didn’t feel the same.

When I was 18 and in my first year of college, I binge watched all of Laci Green’s videos on YouTube, deciding that it was time I figured out how my body and how sex worked. Through her I found not only the courage to masturbate for the first time, but my first confrontation with “third genders.”

I obsessively studied nonbinary genders, claiming to just be interested in them, giving speeches and presentations on them for class, messaging nonbinary people to ask about their experiences. I came to accept that I identified with this term the summer of my sophomore year of college.

When I was 18 I also came out to my dad. I’d already come out to my close friends, sisters, and mother at this point– all giving me generally positive responses. This was not the case with my dad.

We were fighting in the kitchen, something that had become a regular thing since I’d started expressing my feminist and liberal beliefs. He was making homophobic comments and I guess I must of have been very clearly upset by this, because he asked, “do you have a problem with that?”

To which I responded, “Yeah, because I like girls, dad!”

My outburst led to two and a half years of him telling me that my identity was fake, a scheme to get attention, that all I believed was a result of my being brainwashed at college and my own self delusion. The full force my panic, bipolar disorder, and depression came out during this time. The first time I thought of killing myself was when he threatened to kick me out and cut me off from my sisters if I didn’t stop with this “feminazi LGBT bullshit.”

When I was 19 I started dating one of my best friend from high school– a boy, but pansexual like myself, I felt like this was the first queer relationship I’d been in.

He told me he didn’t want a monogamous relationship, that he identified as polyamorous– which I knew because this was one of the reasons his last relationships hadn’t worked out. Thinking I wouldn’t fall as desperately in love with him as I did, I agreed to an open relationship.

Two months into the relationship and much research and self reflection later, I’d come to accept that I was also polyamorous and I never wanted a monogamous relationship again.

When I was 20 a girl on Tumblr reblogged a set of selfies that I’d posted, exclaiming in the tags about how handsome I was. I took one look at her blog, saw the profile picture of her staring directly at the camera with intense blue eyes and an expression impossible to read, and immediately followed and messaged her my thanks.

We started messaging frequently, talking about such expansive and random things, things I’d never talked about with anyone. Soon we were messaging everyday and I began to realize how hard I was falling. I wanted her, I wanted her so badly.

I hadn’t had a crush on a girl that’d worked out in my favor and I was constantly pining for a girlfriend. I loved my boyfriend, I was still attracted to men and non-feminine genders, but I felt not only “too straight” to be queer at that point, but also like I was missing some sort of affection in my life that only a feminine partner could fill. And I was beginning to wonder if this girl was the person who could finally end my wanting.

The only problem with this girl was that she lived an ocean away from me, in Denmark to be specific. But my feelings became so strong that I couldn’t just be silent anymore: I told her I liked her.

She said she felt the same.

Today, March 2nd, 2017, Hayley Kiyoko released the music video for her single “Sleepover.” It wrecked me.

Hayley has become someone that I not only admire, but someone who makes me feel so validated in who I am. A mixed, Japanese American, queer girl in love with art and comfy clothing. Before Hayley, I’d never felt like there was anyone in the media who was even remotely like me. With great music and a connection I’d never felt in any other celebrity before, I became an avid fan. So naturally, when the video for “Sleepover” was released it only took me minutes to find it on YouTube and watch.

The music video was so much more than I could have anticipated, actualizing all my experiences as a queer feminine person, admiring from a far, living in my head with my fantasies and no hope of ever being able to experience them in reality. With this video I was thrown back into all the years I spent confused and afraid of how I felt and who I was, all the girls I wanted to be with but knew they couldn’t work out, or didn’t work out even when I tried. And as melancholy as these thoughts were at first, it pushed me to the realization:

I love who I’ve become. I love that I’m queer.

And despite how grueling the process of it all has been, I wouldn’t trade all that heartache for a normal life if I could. I wouldn’t give it all up to be the straight girl with no struggles or worries about who she loved as I once believed I would. Even with the pain that it had brought, becoming queer has made me the person I am today.

And I love that person, even if there are still rough edges to be smoothed, I am finally unafraid of who I am.

Heart on the Line (part 9)

Masterlist

You and Bucky had your differences in college, but now you need a place to stay and he needs a roommate, and in order to make ends meet, you two start a phone sex line together.  

“For a Good Time, Call…” AU


author: sugardaddytonystark (formerly buckysbackpackbuckle)
pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
word count: 1247

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•A JOURNAL ENTRY: WHAT IS IT REALLY LIKE TO LIVE WITH DEPRESSION?•

i wouldn’t exactly call it living. more like surviving… i look at the environment surrounding me, memories lie tattered in my brain. a life i want to believe was once so full and fruitful has become unthinkably dull. my own eyes were once baby blue but have since faded to an iridescently eerie gray. im hurting. it hurts. im not lying.

i would tell you that you don;t understand- but i;ve begin to notice that everything can only be interpreted in relation to other things or feelings. and this is the only thing ive come to recall feeling. this ethereal delicate coldness within my core, shaking and rattling my bones, consuming my every feeling of functionality. im clearly broken beyond repair- yet i aimlessly crave fixture.

i am light with awful lightness. my blood is mud and my bones are brittle. my thoughts freely cascade within my mind, setting fire to all of my precious sensibilities . any meager ration of purpose and hope is replaced by these fucking reminders that i am truly and entirely 113% alone in this.

at one point, i wanted help. i went to therapy once a week- on bad weeks i went twice. i convinced myself that the glass was half full. i made the most out of everything- and in the process, i made a fool of myself.

i spoke out. i cried for help. i wrote it in books, on forums, i would have carved the words “help me” into my damn skin on my damn forehead if i thought for one minute that anybody was listening.

and i know you’re listening if you’re reading this. but are you really reading this? are you reading me? can you feel the pain in the tips of my fingers, in the ends of my hair, in the blood in my veins, in the staggering cry of my voice at 2 in the morning- an ugly face soaked in the tears resulting from years of utter and complete destruction and then desertion of every little thing i feel?

can you feel my pain?

can you imagine trying to fall asleep when there are actual fucking faceless voices in between your ears jabbering an unimaginably taunting cry? whispering demented nonsense into your ears nonstop after you beg and plead with yourself to quit hearing those damn voices. your mind races like it’s been training all its life and this is the moment it has all led up to: the olympic event of self destruction. and it’s taking home the gold.

i close my eyes and i am so unbelievably tired. staying alive is a fight and today it has beat
me to a pulp. my eyes have bags as big as my regrets and my face is tired from
pretending to light up with joy all day.

jesus christ, it’s my junior year and i’m graduating in less than a year. surely there is one thing to even half way grin about. no, you are wrong. because for every good little thing that happens- every time it seems like it’s getting better, every false sense of hope, for every good thing, there is depression.

my false sense of hope has found its home. depression is a polite host to every single good
feeling in my body. depression feeds me, it cleans me, it loves me, it speaks to me, it knows me.

depression wants to stay forever. it houses in my bones, it feeds on my fears, it gets high on my anxiety, it exchanges hope for hopelessness, it thrives on my insecurities, and depressions favorite thing to do is to keep me up on nights like tonight, where i’m at my worst.

i’m scared, truly. i used to be obsessed with the seasons- more importantly, the transition of one season to anther. perhaps i used to be so fond of change because change was actually a possibility at that point in my life.

winter turning into spring was my favorite. i would lay on the dead, crunchy, brown remnants of the grass, the air around me crisp and cold, stabbing my lungs with every swift,
sharp breath. my nose rosy and cold, sniffling along every chill within my body. bare branches of tall oak trees
stretched into the white winter sky, seemingly reaching for the sunlight the tree craved and needed, as my pale, cold, minuscule hands clutched at the dry, barren earth beneath me- fumbling for more meaning of the world around me. why must seasons change, but my heart always feels the same?

you see, i resonate so very deeply with the winter months. gardens and patches of land that were once beaming with flora and fauna, life and expounding sunlight and warmth, now lay isolated, empty, sterile- similar to the child in me that once was jubilant and lively, but now turned into some thing so cold and ugly. the innocence has beend lost and the happiness within me has since been destroyed by the monster within me, which claims not only me as a victim, but those around me who love and care about me

i only know that i am loved and cared for because i’m continuously and perpetually told this upon a daily basis. it has become very prevalent to me that people feel much better about me when i validate that i know that they are here to talk and that i am loved. yes, i know this. but i cannot feel it. the love that you have for me is, in the least offensive way possible, absolutely irrelevant to my entire being.

you could listen to me rant for days upon weeks, you could read this bible that i’m typing. but i can never seem to make the people around me realize that i am never going to truly accept the love they offer me.

i often wonder if it is true love that inspires people to be there for those with depression- or if those surrounding me simply feel compelled to profess their love and support to me because they see my approval and wellbeing as a direct reflection of their credibility as a friend or family member.

i feel as if i am a burden to those around me, simply harshening the seemingly good mood that literally everyone else but me is capable of partaking in. i want to run with wild horses, frolic among wild flowers, hear the laughter of a child, hold hands with someone i love, and entertain deeply fulfilling and life changing relationships- but you see, the way my life is set up- i am actually emotionally incapable of doing so!

i am most aware of my unfortunate illness and incapability to be happy in the most unexpected and irrational times. take birthday parties, for instance. celebration and good vibes fill the air around me, seeping into my black, pitiful lungs. everyone around me smiles and sings, drowning in their jubilation, as i sit and watch. i want to have fun. please believe me. i want to sing happy birthday. i want to watch you open your gifts. i want to be as happy as you. i want to feel the warmth in my cheeks as i have the time of my life with my friends. but some thing within me compresses each and every slither of joy i am capable of feeling. i am suffocated by the downfall of my emotions and i am blinded by the reminder that depression doesn’t take breaks, not even at birthday parties. depression is strongest whenever you are faced with situations that expose you to the reality that you’re the odd one out- you’re sticking out like a sore thumb. you’re moping and you’re constantly staring out into space. what are you even looking at? what do you have to think about? you have nothing to live for, so anything beyond what’s right in front of you has no relevance in this whole scheme of life. so take it or leave it. you should be enjoying this birthday party. all the other kids are happy. you should be too. you’re lucky you even left the house today. so lucky. had you stayed home, you would have been 100% alone with your thoughts, rather than 97% along with your thoughts, due to the constant interruption of your moping and resentment by peers and parents and teachers asking “is everything okay?”

habitually, you nod. yes. everything is fine. i’m doing well, thank you. but what is the meaning of life? why do i feel like there’s a big fat man sitting on my chest and stomach and heart all the time? why do i always feel like i’m the only one in the room holding back tears trying not to cry? why are the other kids so happy? am i missing out on some thing? why do i feel so sad? why is it that every time i’m surrounded by people who say they love and care for me, i feel as if i’ve never been more alone before in my life? why? do you pity me? it’s just who i am. is that weird?

and oh my god i was always so desperate to be different. perhaps it was just the way my personality was set up. and i was always fairly extroverted. but it was presumably a persona that i put on. hey world, look at me. i’m silly and creative and ill say things that nobody else would say. pay attention to me, look at me.

because i needed them to watch. i hope you never feel so out of control of your body as me, to where you feel as if the only way that you can be saved is if other people figure out that you’re dying on their own. you don’t know how to come straight out and tell them, “hey, i really would rather not be alive at this given moment. i have visions of ending my own life. i use self isolation as a coping mechanism at times in order to feel like less of a burden on those who love me. i haven’t felt genuinely loved in a really long time. i’m so lonely. i could really use a friend right now.”

you can’t just say that. and i became depressed at 9 years old. how would a 9 year old even possibly articulate these complex and life threatening emotions that severely alter the way that every one of their peers perceives them. those middle years are crucial for making friends. it’s at that age that you have to find a group of 3 to 8 people who accept at least half of your given characteristics and occasionally invite you to partake in shit that kids do.

i wouldn’t know. i was a fleeting spirit. appearing and disappearing from cliques like it was clock work. there was more than one willow. there was the catty, witty willow- that found self-approval and approval from others by teasing and belittling others in order to build her own confidence up. then there was the sweet, flower child willow that sold daisy chains on the playground at recess at the price of one hug. there was the willow that stayed near the teachers at times because it was obvious that the other kids wanted nothing to do with her.

and as time progresses, the newer evolution of willow became prevalent. the willow that kept to herself most of the time, spending recess in the class room alone, drawing on the pages of her books, talking to herself, worrying her life away. everyone wondered - what was wrong with willow? or perhaps nobody noticed at all. maybe i was so insignificant even at such a young age- that the only time people considered me was in my dreams.

depression changes a person. some times, the change isn’t even tangible or noticeable to those surrounding the victim. some times, it is a slow discourse of the destruction of the spirit. it can slowly creep into your ear one ungodly night, and forever more whisper its awful lies into the victims ear, as it infects their whole body, their heart, their mind, their spirit, their hands, their eyes. everything. it slowly progresses into the uncontrollable loss of feelings and motivation to even maintain basic proper hygiene. it makes everything feel pointless. things are no longer worth the effort because you’re going to die no matter what, and that can’t come soon enough.

yes, depression can be slow and progressive. but that’s not the worst. the worst depression is the kind that sneaks up on you out of nowhere in the dead of night and immediately stiffens every hair on your body and turns your blood cold, making your mouth dry and your tongue numb. this depression hits you like a fucking train. it hits you in your most vulnerable state- comfort and normalcy. from that point on, you will never know normalcy again.

depression has a way of deceiving you into believing things that are crazy and untrue. but these things become so real to you as the depression progresses into a lifestyle that you come to know nothing else but the lies that depression will fill you with- so nobody can really tell you anything. it will call you names. it will tell you that you’re better off dead. it will be your only comfort- feeling nothing- during the night, whenever anxiety holds you until you pass out from exhaustion. you will never be cold at night as long as anxiety and depression have you snuggled up in between them.

oh how depression loves to kick you around and belittle you. oh how it renders your fantasies pointless. it loves to keep you hostage- to the point where any time you get an idea that doesn’t include moping around in your own sorrow, it immediately renders that idea impossible and reminds you that you are depressions bitch. you eat when depression finishes telling you how fat and disgusting you are. you sleep all day, so depression can take a dip in your nightmares. you wake up, and realize that life with depression is the true nightmare after all.

you pray for the day that you are relieved from this blinding madness and this subliminal torture. you feel as if you are not only a burden to your own self, but a burden to the people who love you and care for you

the only times when depression allows you relief from questioning the ulterior motives of those around you who claim to love you and care for you is when depression instead allows you to feel ashamed of your affliction. when you’re depressed, people notice. they may pretend not to and they may ignore it. but they know. they just don’t know what to say.

what would they say anyways?

hey. i’m sorry your brains are figuratively dripping out of your ears and i’m sorry that you have convinced yourself that i only care about you because i feel guilty, and i’m also sorry that you don’t even have the motivation to take a shower. i’m also sorry that you don’t
remember the last time that someone made you feel special. i’m sorry that you can’t find a reason to smile. i’m sorry that out of all the millionaires, the talented ones, the ones who fall in love, and the ones with nice asses- you were the one to end up hating yourself and everything around you.

ask yourself…. what do you say? what do you say to someone who is depressed?

know that i understand that you don’t know what to say. because yes this sucks. and i don’t expect you to understand what it’s like to wish you were dead. and i am so jealous of you for that. but please treat me the same as everyone else. please love me. make
me laugh. invite me to go shopping with you. get shit faced with me. help me fill the gaping hole in my soul with pointless memories of laughter and small talk. talk about life with me. listen to what i have to say. let me love you.

yes, i have depression. trust me, i will never forget! but please, help me feel normal. i don’t want to feel different than you. i want to be your peer, not your charity case.

i am dying to make friends. i am dying to spend less time in this bed writing shit like this. i am tired of letting this god damn disease walk all over me like i’m a fucking patch of dead grass.

life sucks. but please remind me that winter fades to spring. please remind me that some flowers are seasonal, and not every flower spends its whole life in bloom. remind me that you have to spend time in the dark to understand just how beautiful life in the sunlight is. remind me that there’s no cure for a bad day like a strawberry daiquiri and deep, controversial conversations with complete strangers.

remind me that my car has a sunroof and that it’s okay to open it up and let my hair get a little messy. remind me that music is better when it’s too loud to really interpret what the artist is saying- but you don’t have to understand to feel some thing.

remind me that i don’t have to lose this fight.

i am fucking hurting. but for the love of god, i’m begging you to help me fix me. because i forget that there’s good in the world. i forget that depression isn’t the boss of me. i forget that i have the whole world in my hands. i forget that there’s life after high school and that it’s okay to be alone some times, but it’s never okay to be lonely.

i will never forget what it is like to have my heart ripped out by a disease that i can’t even lay my hands on. perhaps i can touch the blisters under my eyes from
crying so much. perhaps i can run my hands along the holes i’ve punched in the walls from being so angry with myself. and yes i can feel how my bed is sinking in towards the ground because i spend so much time laying here trying to feel some thing besides utter destruction and loneliness. i can never forget what this disease has done to me. there will always be a piece of my heart that this depression has stolen from
me.

but with loving other people, i can aimlessly work to mend that hole. i can’t do it alone. i need a friend. i need you here with me.

i am so tired of being alone.
i will push you away at first. i may come off as helpless and a bitch. but please, that is the depression talking. it’s not willow.

willow loves the color pink
willow loves wild flowers
willow loves the smell of green onions
willow loves the feeling of sand under her feet
willow loves hearing about your childhood and how you had a speech impediment and a cat named angel
willow loves the smell of rain when it hits a hot sidewalk
willow loves to go barefooted
willow loves establishing connections with animals
willow loves willow, some times she just can’t see it

i need a gentle reminder of what it’s like to be a real normal teenage girl

this shit is hard. and being misunderstood makes it harder.

so i’m saying it loud and clear. my name is willow and i have clinical depression and generalized anxiety. my life has been a series of almost laughably awful events, which have resulted in said mental illnesses. i have been misunderstood, bullied, neglected, and hurt. but my story does not end here. i may never completely overcome my depression, but i will overcome my failure to acknowledge my illness. i will work to educate people about those who suffer as i do. i will help those with depression. i will be the friend that i have never had, but always needed, to anyone who wants it. i will be a testament to the depression that has oppressed me for 8 years now.

depression is not who i am. depression does not define me. what defines me is the fact that i am staying alive even though it is proving to be the biggest struggle that i have ever encountered, and i am asking that you help me and people like me. because it’s not a one person job.

my name is willow. and i’m telling you that depression is a rude ass bitch. but i’m a bigger bitch, and unlike my illness, i have the power to make people feel loved and valid. and i will use that power to overcome my depression.

i would like to dedicate this journal entry to everyone reading it. i may go to school with you, you may be just a random tumblr user, you may suffer with depression, you may suffer with some other deeply oppressive situation, you may just be a happy son of a bitch.
it doesn’t matter who you are. let this. journal entry be a testament to your life.

there are people with depression. and there is no way that i can ever explain to you just how it feels via tumblr text post or even via socratic seminar complete with gardens of text books and instructional videos. all i can say is that in this life, you are responsible for being there for the people around you.

you never know what someone is going through. people with depression practically have licenses and 4 year degrees in the field of putting up facades of being okay and sucking it up and repressing those explosive emotions. they don’t expect you to give a shit about them, because as far as they’re concerned, nobody has given a shit,
nobody currently gives a shit, and nobody ever will give a shit about them. they make it hard to help. but it’s so important that you break down those walls. and some times, all you need to do is smile at someone or invite someone to eat after school or to go to a party. you can’t do much for someone with depression. like i said, they’re a whole world away. their concerns and struggles are immaculate, indescribable. however, it doesn’t take much to show someone that you care even a little bit. even if it’s just picking and giving them a random flower.

if you suffer from depression or know anyone with depression and you need someone to look to for advice/help/inspiration, my DM’s are open. oversharing is caring. i know what it’s like to want to take your own life, and i fought the urge to do so even while writing this journal entry.

i am here for you. you are not by yourself. please DM me if you ever need someone to send you pictures of a cute animal to cheer you up, or if you even need me to talk you out of suicide. i know both feelings.

if you’re reading this,
i challenge you to go out of your comfort zone. yes you. i challenge you to do this one easy thing at either work or school, or out in public or in your family

1. pick 3 flowers, they can be store bought or you can have picked them yourself

2. give one flower to someone who you worry might have depression

2. give one flower to a random person who you don’t know

3. give one flower to a person you would like to get to know better, you never know when someone desperately needs a friend


it’s just a flower, but you could save someone’s life. some times, all people need is a gentle reminder that good things still exist and that somebody is thinking about them.

don’t be the person that assumes too high of a role or makes an excuse to not be able to participate in this challenge or share this journal.

you never know when you can save someone’s life.

remember: no matter who you are, i love you. and i am willing to comfort you in times of need. i’ve been where you are. and i know how much ass depression sucks.

my DM’s are open, and so is your future.
don’t end your story this early.

—  Willow Scalisi 4/18/17 (dam i just realized sonic got half priced burgers today, turn up)

Dean is aging every day and Castiel can see it in the fine lines when he smiles, the way his eyes crinkle. Every day there’s another line forming and Castiel can see it. Every single one of them. He sees the first small gray hair that starts at the root of Dean’s hair. He doesn’t think Dean can see it, at first, but after a week Dean begins parting his hair differently. Castiel cannot see the single gray strand anymore, until there is a small bundle of them.

With each waking day, Dean’s hands begin to ache in the places that strains when he holds his gun. He pretends not to care, but Castiel knows. He can read Dean like a book he’s read a million times.

Castiel stays the same. Humanity caught up with his vessel in the short while he had no grace, yet now he seems to have stopped aging once again. He stays young while Dean’s knees ache. Small touches let Castiel ease the pain, and Dean catches on to what he is doing. He says thank you with his eyes, that still sparkle a beautiful sage color. The love Castiel has for Dean never dulls, but only deepens the more Dean let’s him heal.

It seems, eventually Dean wants to skip out on hunts. His bones throb too badly, or he’s catching yet another cold. Sam notices, too, but says nothing. It’s inevitable. Dean is much older than Sam is, and not as nimble anymore. Castiel always stays with Dean. Just in case.

Sometimes Dean will let Castiel sit with him while he watches the latest game on television. Usually Dean will fall asleep by halftime, never able to sleep well at night. His head always ends up on Castiel’s shoulder, beer slipping through his fingers that once held it tightly. Castiel puts the beer on the coffee table, and maneuvers to lean back enough for Dean’s head to rest comfortably on his chest. Castiel has no heartbeat for Dean to listen to, but placing a firm hand on Dean’s shoulder lets him pulse power through Dean’s veins, easing any ache or pain. Dean always sleeps better this way. It seems to give him a little bit more life that way.

Dean does not like it when Castiel heals him of his aches. “They let me know I’m still human, Cas. Just let me ache. That’s why they invented Advil.” Dean will say, giving Castiel a glare. But Dean always comes to Castiel at night, or comes to get him when the Advil won’t help his restless leg syndrome, or ease the throb of his nerves enough to get a few un-solid hours. Castiel is always more than willing to place that firm hand on Dean, watching him sleep peacefully like he deserves after a lifetime of restless nights.

“Let me heal you, Dean.” Castiel demands, watching the man he loves practically decay on the sofa. Dean had insisted on going to a hunt with Sam, and had sprained a few bones. They were not healing, and it had been over a week. “Please.” Castiel begs.

“No, Cas.” Dean repeats over and over. Castiel doesn’t care. Dean isn’t quick enough to dodge Castiel’s hand as if clamps around his ankle. It’s healed within seconds, and Dean is angry at him once more. “Damnit Cas!” Dean jerks his leg away, and glares red hot towards Castiel.

“I don’t understand, Dean!” Castiel barks back at him, “You can go on hunts all you want if you just let me heal you when you come back.”

“That’s not how life is supposed to work, Cas. I go on a hunt and I get hurt, if I die from it then that’s how it needs to be! No more loopholes, Cas. I’m gettin’ old, I know it, you know it, Sam knows it. Shit happens, and nature takes its course. It can’t do that if you keep interrupting it!”

“It sounds as though you want to die,” Castiel says dully, and blunt.

“Maybe I do.” Dean says quietly, hardly shocking Castiel. “I’ve lived a long life, saved a lot of people and then some. I’m alright with it.”

Castiel can’t cry, but if he could then he would be sobbing. He can feel it inside, how sad he is. “Dean, I’m not alright with it. My whole purpose of being is because of you. Every day before you, I simply waited for the day. And every day after, I was living for you and fighting for you. There was never a moment I was doing something that wasn’t for you in some way. If you’re gone, what am I supposed to live for?”

“Live for Sammy, Cas. He needs someone, too, you know.”

“Dean, as soon as you’re gone Sam is going to go back to a normal life. And you know that.”

Dean shakes his head, “I don’t want you to interfere anymore, Cas.”

Castiel nods a final nod, and says nothing the nights he still eases Dean’s pains when Dean calls for him. The days go by quickly, as do the seasons. He is worse in the winter, and soon he hardly moves from his worn spot on the sofa.

Castiel leaves Sam with him a single day, saying they need him briefly in Heaven. Dean smiles at him and says he’s happy Cas is off doing angelic things for once. Castiel smiles back and Sam nods. He knows Castiel’s plan.

Castiel comes back over a day later, and Dean is asleep in his bed. When Castiel enters, Dean stirs and reaches for him. He must be hurting again. Castiel gets down to his briefs and slides in bed with Dean, the single brush of skin easing all of Dean’s pains. He relaxes entirely against Castiel. Dean feels very hot, and clammy.

“Are you sick again?” Castiel asks worriedly.

“Yeah,” Dean grunts. “I went out for a drive and got caught in the rain. I think it’s the flu,” Dean grumbles. Castiel brushes a soft hand over his forehead and dulls the fever. “Thanks,” Dean says softly. Castiel is thrown off by the acceptance but says nothing. Dean begins talking. He’s somewhere between sleep, stuck in a limbo. “I am gettin’ scared, every day.” He admits in the quiet air of the bedroom. “Once my light goes out, that’s it. No more chances like I’m used to.”

Castiel interrupts softly. “I could give you another, Dean. We can age together, this next time. If you let me.” There’s a pleading tone in Castiel’s voice that Dean can recognize.

“No, Cas. I need to be a man about this.” Dean grumbles, head rolling to rest on Castiel’s pale chest. “I’m just scared of where I’m going. I always thought death would be easy, that I’d die out on a hunt. It’d be quick, maybe not painless, but I thought it would happen so fast the fear wouldn’t set in. But dying of old age? Slow like this? Every day, man. I can feel it. I’m gettin’ closer. Every time I’m sick it’s like death is just looming, beggin’ me to go to sleep so it can take me. It gives me time to think about it, and the fear gets bad. I hate bein’ scared. I’m scared I’m goin’ to hell, or purgatory again. Or get stuck in the void like Kevin did. I wanna go to Heaven, and be with Bobby and Ellen and Jo.” Castiel faintly realizes Dean is crying silently, tears pooling beneath Dean’s cheek.

“In Heaven,” Castiel begins. “I talked to some of my superiors.” Dean ‘mm-hmms’, quietly. “They would not take my grace, so my age would catch up. But I reserved you a spot, right where you want to be. And I will escort you myself. Not a reaper, or a demon. Me, and I will hide nothing from you. I will hold your hand the whole way.” The love Castiel has for this man is swelling hugely in his vacant chest, and if Castiel could cry he would cry for love.

Dean’s fingers skim past Castiel’s chest to grab his hand. The hold is limp, and weak. Castiel’s worry is at its highest, and he feels the desperate need to go yell for Sam.

Somehow, Sam senses Castiel’s desperation. He barges into the room, eyes wide with worry. Castiel and Sam’s eyes meet and the words don’t need to be spoken.

“Dean?” Sam asks, walking to his brother. Dean let’s out a small moan of acknowledgement, and faintly tells Sam he loves him. The grip on Castiel’s hand is slightly stronger when Dean finds the energy to kiss Castiel’s chest, the words unspoken but there. Castiel wraps fingers through Dean’s damp hair and holds him close.

Sam is crying silent tears and holds back a sob by biting his fist.

Dean goes quietly, in his sleep. Castiel slips from underneath him and makes sure to tuck him in as he goes to console Sam, who has aged as well, but is still young and healthy. Death won’t take him as quickly if he begins to settle down. Castiel makes sure to tell him this.

Castiel explains his plan to Sam over once more. He’s going to lead Dean to Heaven himself. He’s going to be with Bobby and Ellen and Jo. Just like he wanted. Castiel will be there, too, and he will be down whenever Sam prays to him. And if Sam wants, Castiel will walk him through the veil, too.

Castiel’s conversation is interrupted by Dean. A Dean Sam cannot see, but yet the same Dean he knows. Dean has a worried look in his eye, watching Sam cry silent tears. Castiel tells Sam it’s time, and gives him a large hug goodbye. He pleads for Sam to go find a woman, and settle down and have kids. Go back to Stanford. It’s possible. Sam promises he will try, and that he will pray often.

Castiel takes Dean’s hand and vanishes. The veil is shadows and daylight mixing together, like oil and water. Mixing but never becoming one. Dean holds Castiel’s hand tightly, fingers laced. Castiel steps through a very certain strand of daylight. Dean covers his eyes when it becomes too bright.

They’re at Bobby’s. It takes Dean a single moment to blink and look around. Ellen comes from the kitchen, stirring something in a pot.

“Heya, boys. Just in time for supper.”

That night, Castiel holds Dean close. Dean let’s him. After all, they’re stuck in a piece of Heaven where no one dies, aches, or bleeds. Despite Dean’s healthy bones, Castiel still caresses Dean’s body just like before.

Evermore

Summary: Loosely inspired by the song “Evermore” from Beauty and the Beast. Bucky had it all planned out. He spent days planning the perfect proposal - the perfect proposal for the perfect girl, but things don’t always go according to plan. 

Word Count: 1,731

Warnings: Angst


Originally posted by trevanterhodes


Bucky fidgeted with the velvet jewelry box nervously, pausing every now and then to glance back at the door to his apartment. Any moment, Y/N would come walking through, her warm smile lighting up the apartment. Hers was the smile that somehow managed to steal into his melancholy heart, the smile that melted the layers of frost and gave way to spring, the one that nurtured the tiny, fragile seeds of love little by little until they blossomed.

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anonymous asked:

Do you have any acd fic recs?

Hoooo boyyyy do I ever. In no particular order:

The Incident In The Room With The Red Curtain, 9k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Holmes investigates the mysterious disappearance of Francis Colleton, a case that requires some of Watson’s specialist knowledge.” Absolutely one of my favorite fics of all time. They are so gentle with each other.

The Adventure of the Doctor’s Heart, 12k, E. Friends to lovers. “Holmes has observed much of Watson’s habits and tastes over time, which is why it surprises him when his friend objects strangely to a folk song sung at the conclusion of a case. Disturbed by the Doctor’s unexpected display of emotion, Holmes becomes determined to lift his spirits by any means necessary, with mixed results.” This was one of the first Doyle-style fics I read. Holmes’ quiet adoration of John is so good.

Grit, 5k, M. Friends to lovers. “Watson, still bruised and damaged from the Afghan War, decides to hide his inversion so Holmes will remain his friend and flatmate. He thinks the trade-off won’t be difficult, but in a moment of weakness he goes to an underground club with an erstwhile lover. What he discovers there is more than he’d bargained for.” Funny and sad and sweet, with a beautiful ending.

A Man Of Great Character And Better Humor, 2k, gen. Established relationship. Retirement. “When a bit of bad news threatens to crush Watson’s spirit, Holmes knows just the solution.” Absolutely the loveliest little sketch of two old men in love.

Five Times Sherlock Holmes Lied, 5k, gen. Friends to lovers. TAB verse. “Something in Wilde’s persecution has touched a nerve in Sherlock – snapped that tenuous thread of hope holding him upright – and it feels as if he has taken to bleeding internally.” This one’s hard, but gorgeous.

The Ill-Tempered Patient, 1k, gen. Pre-slash. “Holmes has a cold and is being disagreeable, but Watson is used to indulging his moods.” A funny glimpse into their affection for each other.

Mon Couer, 1k, teen. Established relationship. “Holmes tries out a new endearment in the midst of pillow talk.” Holmes gets insecure, and Watson comforts him. The two of them trying to figure out how to be sweet with each other–and flustering themselves–is too lovely.

A Taste of Honey, 3k, teen. Pre-slash. Sickfic. “A failure to observe leads to a successful deduction.” Watson becomes deathly ill while Holmes is away, and Holmes is forced to confront how badly he needs him.

The Incident With The Bicycle, 2k, gen. Established relationship. “We know Holmes can ride a bicycle, but when exactly did he learn?” A bit of a wobble in the early days of their love. I adore Watson’s kindness in this.

Wintry Morning, Victoria Station, 1k, teen. Established relationship. “Watson had come to see me off at the station, that chilly morning in November when a quiet yet momentous shift took place in that strange thing that existed between us.” Watson and Holmes find words for something deeper than anyone around them could imagine.

The Tempest, 3k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Now that Holmes had come back from the dead, things could return to how they were before.” Aftermath of Reichenbach–Watson is so brave.

As Yes To If, 3k, gen. Friends to lovers. Granada. “Leave for your own sake if you must, but on no account shall you leave for mine. I can imagine no sadder outcome of the insight you have gained tonight.” Watson lets slip more of his heart than he realizes, after they nearly lose their lives.

Winter In London, 45k, NR. Friends to lovers. CW: rape. “The last stages of a case go dangerously wrong. Afterwards, Watson tries to live with the memory of a terrible bargain in secrecy.” This is heartbreaking, and deep, and beautiful. Be careful of the content; but if you can manage it, it’s worth it.

I May Be Speaking To Closed Doors, 2k, teen. Established relationship. “Watson makes a Valentine, and then isn’t sure what to do with it.” Poor Watson, a romantic in a relationship with the world’s most unromantic man–so it seems.

Invasion, 2k, gen. Established relationship. Watson can’t bear mice. Holmes thinks it’s rather silly, but humors him, until he understands. This starts off a bit cracky and then ends so sweetly.

Tea From Terai, 700w, gen. Established relationship. “Sherlock Holmes gets a letter from Terai, and remembers that he does know someone in Terai. Or, knew.” Watson learns a little something about his love’s past.

What Is Right, And What Is Easy, 600w, NR. Established relationship. “There’s a reason that Article 28 (which criminalized homosexuality) was called the Blackmailer’s Charter.” This cuts deep for how brief it is.

The Red Notebook, 10k, teen. Post-Reichenbach. I hesitated to include this because it’s a bit too much heartbreak for me–I can’t believe that they would ever willingly give each other up, after love. But this story’s Mycroft is so good, his relationship with Watson so bittersweet, I had to. And it ends joyously, as it must.

Masked Ball, 30k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Six months after Holmes’ return from the dead, the delicate equilibrium in Baker Street is disturbed when a stranger walks out of the London fog with a case–for Watson. Holmes is wary, Watson is fascinated. But who is the man calling himself Álvaro de León? And what does he really want?” I love, love, love this story. I love Alvaro, I love the way Holmes deduces Watson’s bisexuality, I love the mystery and the sweep and the humor of it. It’s wonderful.

Text Omitted, 1k, teen. Established relationship. CW: child abuse. “Watson learns something disconcerting about Holmes’ past.” This makes me cry, and smile: the courage with which they love each other.

The Bee Grove, 14k, teen. Friends to lovers. CW: suicide. “Watson travels to Kent to attend the funeral of an estranged friend from his past who committed suicide. Certain things transpire to make Watson wonder if his inappropriate love for Holmes could possibly be requited.” Beautiful.

Idée Fixe, 1k, teen. Friends to lovers. Granada. “He does not know what to begin with it. It is too grave a thing to be treated as a mere distraction, too tenacious to be dissolved in tobacco smoke. What does one begin with an idée fixe? With a mind bent towards one single thing.” This is almost infuriating in its restraint, but fascinating, too.

The Thieves’ Den, 6k, teen. “The discovery of a large cache of stolen goods ends badly.” Words cannot express how I love this fic–particularly the meddling Mycroft, and the protectiveness of both of them, in spite of each other.

Since I First Saw Your Face, 70k, M. Developing relationship. “During the Great Hiatus, Holmes, studying in Tibet, reflects on his first meeting with Dr John Watson.” The only WIP I’ll rec, or read, because the wealth of historical detail and depth of their intimacy is such that I’d be immensely thankful to have read this even if it never ended. The author can be found on tumblr at @artemisastarte.

When You Know Something’s Wrong, 1k, M. Established relationship. Sickfic. “Holmes gets it wrong.” This is just 1k of lovely Watson gently forcing his medical attention on a truculent Holmes.

Pilgrims Of A Sort, 12k, teen. Friends to lovers to retirement. Absolute classic. “A pair of young travelers turn up at the Sussex cottage of an aging Holmes and Watson, searching for proof that love like theirs can last a lifetime. Watson tells them the story of himself and Holmes–which also happens to be the story of Mary Morstan, and her own unconventional love affair.” Featuring a fantastic old married Holmes and Watson and TWO pairs of happy lesbians.

A Matter of Integrity, 3k, gen. Established relationship. “It is a curious thing when a celebrity whom you’ve never truly met is widely considered your most prominent suitor. Irene Norton sets out in search of some answers, and discovers that sometimes the truth is a delicate matter.” Irene is wonderful, Holmes is careful, and this is good.

Cameo, 8k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Holmes and Watson become embroiled in a case Scotland Yard refuses to acknowledge. A soulmate AU.” One wouldn’t think a magical AU in Victorian times could be very delicately done, or mesmerizing. One would be wrong.

Chimera, 800w, gen. Pre-slash. Post-Reichenbach. “My dear Watson, It is with reluctance that I begin this letter to you, for there can be no doubt regarding its fate. It will follow into oblivion all the other letters I have written to you over the past two years, the only difference between them their means of demise.” Poor Holmes.

Something To Retire To, 9k, teen. Friends to partners. Asexual Holmes, miscommunication, jealousy. “Watson contemplates the future while he and Holmes investigate the three Garridebs.” This fic will break your heart into a hundred pieces and put it together again.

Hallowed Be Thy Name, 40k, E. Established relationship. “A word must be said upon the subject of witticisms first, within the context of the manuscripts which have begun littering our rooms.  My friend the Doctor’s sense of humour exists in direct correlation to his state of physical well-being, and the more active a man he becomes–a felicity for which I am grateful as much to his ferocious tenacity as to any higher power–the more wry grow the invariably poetical descriptors applied to my person.” Holmes’ past, Watson’s love, and an epic poem of a story. This fic changed me.


Of course, look up each author’s full body of work if you want more. Mistyzeo is on tumblr at @mistyzeo and posts recs frequently. I write Doyle-style here. @granada-brett-crumbs has another magnificently expansive canon fic rec here. @knightfury1895 and @jeremyholmes post canon-style ficlets on tumblr. Basically, there’s a wealth of wonderful fic out there!

Hiraeth (M) | Pt.1

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.

Originally posted by jungkooz

pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4 | pt.5 | pt.6 | pt.7 | pt.8 | pt.9 | pt.10 | pt.11 | pt.12 |

Words: 12,957.

Genre: Zombie apocalypse au, smut, fluff, angst.

Summary: “I guess we’re not so different after all, huh? Brains, brawns – what does it matter when we’re all just scared of being left alone and stupidly hopeful?”

A/N: Inspired by the wonderful game The Last of Us.

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[TRANS/INTERVIEW] GRAZIA Magazine April 2017 Edition - Himchan & Daehyun

B.A.P Himchan and Daehyun’s relationship is much like that of ‘Tom and Jerry’. It turns out that B.A.P fans have already compared them to such from a long time back. At the sight of them bickering without rest, (we) asked “(what if you guys) fight at this rate,” Himchan and Daehyun both answered at the same time, “this is playing!” and caused a big laugh.

HIMCHAN’S TASTE

Daehyun’s thighs vs Jongup’s butt
If you absolutely had to have one…,
Jongup’s butt. I’ll refuse anything that’s Daehyun’s (laughs).

Bungee jump vs Skydiving
Ah… (I) have a lot of frights (I’m scared of it),
(so I) give up

Kakaotalk vs Phone call
Phone call. It’s annoying typing out texts.

Sleepiness vs Hunger, the thing that’s harder to resist is?
Sleepiness. I have a lot of sleep

Party vs Time alone
Party with friends and alcohol.

DAEHYUN’S TASTE

Straightforwardness vs Beating around the bush
Straightforwardness. (I) don’t like it when there are misunderstandings because of words (talking).

Ballad vs Dance
Still dance (for now). (I) like it more when (both) vocal and dance skills are distributed (and) displayed. Like Bruno Mars.

Mello vs SF Movie
Mello. (I) originally (always) liked mello. Especially <A Moment to Remember>(, I) wanted over ten times.

GRAZIA INTERVIEW

It’s the first time doing a photoshoot with just you two, right?
HC,DH (at the same time) yes.

Were the other members not jealous?
DH They were making fun of us saying “We’re going to sleep in~”
HC (They said that they’re) happy that they don’t have a schedule. But the other members are probably at the practice room right now as well.

(We’re) curious what time of conversation was passed on the way to the studio.
HC
The two (we) didn’t say a single word (laughs).

Really? (We) heard that (you) two are the most chatty, (I) guess not.
HC It’s the truth. (But) in the morning(, we) two (both) don’t have words (don’t talk a lot).
Normally(,) even if it’s just (us) two(, we’re) on fire (chatty).

What do you guys do to play normally?
HC (I) drink alcohol (laughs).
DH (I) eat outside, (and) eat inside the dorm as well.
HC But because this friend ran away from the dorm…,
DH Look at this hyung? Don’t misunderstand. (He) means that (I) became independent from the dorm recently (left the dorms to live on his own).

Yongguk, who left the dorm first, left with the reason that “the members don’t clean.” Why did Daehyun leave the dorm?
DH It’s the same. If (you) see Himchan hyung and Jongup’s cleaning style(,) anyone would want to run away. For example(, they) file (their) clothes on the floor like pancake. (I) suffer from rhinitis and also have sensitive skin(,) so (I) try to be clean(,) but this is impossible in the dorm.

(I) also saw the video where Daehyun scolded Himchan saying to please stop wearing my (Daehyun’s) clothes without permission. How is it recently?
DH Yesterday as well(, Himchan) hyung wore without my permission the shoes that (I) left in the dorm and was caught red handed. So I plan to wear Himchan’s clothes (without permission) as well.

(We’re) curious how Himchan will counterattack?
HC Daehyun and Yongguk are almost at the level of a neat freak. Especially Daehyun is an FM (Field Manual) type (sticks to the set plan). (He says that) everything has to go the way that it’s been planned for (his) heart to be settled. Sometimes(,) it’s tiring because of that.
DH I’ll reveal something again. (Himchan) hyung has a lot of sleep(,) so it’s difficult waking him up every time in the morning.
HC Ah! I thought of something to counterattack. When (we) drink alcohol(,) Daehyun often gets up (and leaves) first. Even if serious conversation is being passed(,) if it becomes the time that (he) had set to go home(, he) leaves without looking back. At those times(,) it’s somewhat disappointing (sad/hurting).
DH If I don’t get up (and leave) like that(, you guys) are going to keep holding (me) to stay.

(You guys are an) idol group, is it alright if (you) keep talking about drinking alcohol?
DH It’s alright, (because) I quit drinking alcohol (laughs).
HC Is that why (you) eat so much recently?
DH That’s right. Until before the music video recording(, I) lost a lot of weight(,) but because of this(, I) gained 4kg more.
HC Ah~ Diet! (I) want to stop eating chicken breast.

(You guys) must be on a diet.
DH (We) two both really like eating(,) but during promotion period(, we) control our gluttony. (Our) styles are a little different. (Himchan) hyung likes spreading out a variety of food and eating it(, while) I go for one food.
HC Because it’s important for an artist to have a variety of experiences (laughs).

(I) think to gain experiences(,) traveling is the best choice. Do (you) travel as well?
DH Early this year(, I) went to Sapporo. It was (my) first out of country travel(, but) it was really good. (I went) shopping, ate good things, (and) saw snow.

What did Himchan do during the break?
HC I went to New York and LA and came back. When B.A.P had a little over a year’s worth of break(, I) lived in New York for about three months(; but I) want to go back. (I) traveled around wherever my feet led me.

(We) heard that (you guys are) leaving again on a world tour soon. (And) that (you) plan to open a Seoul concert prior to it in the coming March 24~26.
DH Last year(, we) opened large concerts at a lot of different countries(, but) this time(, we) plan to hold smaller concerts at less countries. Should (I) say that it’s closer to a fanmeeting?
HC (We) planned a lot of time to communicate with the fans.

During the past winter(,) Bang Yongguk(,) who is both the leader as well as the oldest hyung(,) had to leave the team temporarily due to his panic disorder diagnosis. (We’re) glad that (you guys) could promote again as 6 (and) a whole again.
DH (I) believed that Yongguk hyung will return healthy again, but (I) didn’t think that this day would come this quickly.
HC (I feel) that finally now B.A.P has become perfect again. Not only just Yongguk, but it feels really empty when someone leaves the team.

Matching teamwork again after a long time(,) what type of conversation was passed?
DH (We) each calmly welcomed (Yongguk) hyung’s return in our own ways. (I feel that) this type of method fits the best for someone that is manly and with little words like Yongguk hyung.
HC Rather than words(,) it’s more important to show (him) trust with actions.

In place of Yongguk(,) Himchan(,) who is the same age as Yongguk(,) acted as the leader.
HC There was a lot of burden. Because Yongguk and I have different methods of leading the team(,) our connection with the members fit well(, but since I) had to act alone as half of a leader.
DH The two are complete opposites. If you compare it to a family(,) Yongguk hyung is the simple (and) brave (dependable) father(, while) Himchan hyung(,) should I say(,) like closer to the kind mother who shows plenty of affection?
HC Perhaps because of that(,) the dongsaengs (the younger members) treated me like whatever (laughs).
DH Hey, we worked harder to treat (you) more comfortably because you might suffer alone. Since Himchan hyung often plays along with the dongsaengs (the younger members) goofing around. Anyways(,) for B.A.P(,) both hyungs are necessary.

When did (you) feel Yongguk’s absence the most?
HC When (we) got on the stage. (We were) worried that due to Yongguk’s absence the empty space might look big.
DH Moreover(,) it was when we had released a full album and not a single(,) so it’s the truth that we were under confusion as well. But in times like this(, we) as five worked “really, honestly, (to our) greatest extent” the hardest.
HC And that is why the result of the single album <Rose> released March 7th is really important. It is of course Yongguk’s return, (but there are also) a lot of situations tied in.

What type of situations are (you) talking about?
HC Early this year(,) B.A.P faced our fifth anniversary. While happy in one part(, I was worried) that the days that B.A.P can promote as a whole is not that much left. Firstly(,) Yongguk and my age is now twenty eight…,
DH This means that after about 2 years(,) the (Yongguk and Himchan) hyungs have to go to military.
HC (I) don’t think that there has been a time that B.A.P as a whole has been able to complete a big picture. So that is why during the preparation of this album(, I) portrayed my opinion strongly more than before.

(We heard that) while choosing the title song(,) it was changed 4 times. In this step as well(,) was Himchan’s influence big as well?
DH
There were three songs in competing. At first(,) by the company’s suggestions(,) ‘Distopia’ was the prime candidate as the title song. But giving this and that different reasons(,) Himchan hyung persisted on ‘Diamond 4 Ya’. The other members were for ‘Wake Me Up’.
HC (I) felt that ‘Distopia’ was too obvious (a choice), (and I) didn’t like the beginning arrangement of ‘Wake Me Up’. But if (B.A.P released) a trendy song like ‘Diamond 4 Ya’(, I felt that) it could be a chance for B.A.P to advance one step further.

In the end(, you guys are) promoting ‘Wake Me Up’.
HC (I) quickly folded my stubbornness (gave up) (laughs). Instead(,) while arranging ‘Wake Me Up’, (I) strongly requested that “please have this be done this way, (and) that be done that way.”

Looking over B.A.P’s promotion records(,) there wasn’t a lot of the members’ personal promotions. Is there no plans to release albums as a solo or a unit(,) or to expand your areas toward acting or entertainment?
DH (I) feel that it will remain this way for a while. Last year November, while promoting a song called ‘SKYDIVE’(, I) suddenly had this thought. “Ah, (I) should try working harder as a whole group!”
HC There are still a lot of people that do not know about B.A.P’s existence (laughs).
DH This is the first time I’m saying this here(, but). (I am) really thankful of Himchan hyung(,) and on another side sorry. (Himchan) hyung is talented in many ways in music as well as entertainment skills, but (Himchan) always puts team promotions first.

What part of Daehyun does Himchan think is outstanding?
HC Acting, leading (a program), singing, dance, et cetera(,) whatever he does(, it feels) natural. (He also) gets along with whatever group he is with. So (I) often push him saying, “do something,” but Daehyun keeps taking his foot out (not going with it).

Are you following after (Himchan) hyung’s meaning to put team activities first?
DH It’s more that (I) don’t think it’s time yet. (Perhaps that I want to) polish up a little more? There has been times that (I) attempted this and that while not completely prepared and ended up disappointed.
HC But still starting from the end of this year(, we) plan to expand personal activities. Perhaps (we’ll) start from B.A.P’s main MC Youngjae.

From on forth(,) how will the two people(Himchan and Daehyun)’s life flow on?
HC (I feel) firstly that (I) want to focus on this moment (now). (You) can’t tell what’ll happen even tomorrow(,) so how can (you) draw out a far future.
DH (I) can’t think of anything else other than practicing so that (I) may become a closer to perfection as a singer.
HC But(,) if there is one thing that (I) wish for(, it’s that) even after coming back from military service(,) that (I) want to (still) be a B.A.P member.
DH It will be like that. You can believe it. Rather than words(,) I’ll show it through actions, like (Himchan) hyung!

GRAZIA (그라치아) APRIL EDITION
KRN > ENG TRANS BY @BANILLAJOKO (TWITTER)
DO NOT TAKE WITHOUT CREDIT

Worth It (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Word Count: 2,412

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You and Bucky have always had an (unspoken) connection due to having similar backstories and both feeling like outsiders in the Avengers. One morning during a power outage in the tower because of a thunderstorm, you and Bucky are forced to resolve whatever’s going on between you two. Based off this request. (I changed up the request a little bit, sorry!)

Warnings: Language, mentions of kidnapping/violence/death, fluff

*overused gif not mine*

You watch him as he sleepily walks into the kitchen, your eyes glancing away from your phone and up to him as you curl up on the couch, surrounded by blankets to keep warm. It’s an extra cold day today in New York City, and with the storms rolling in, you know the weather will only continue to get worse. Another day stuck inside the tower for you. Half of the team was out on a mission today, leaving you, Bruce, Tony, and the quiet and mysterious man in the kitchen with nothing to do.  But of course, Bruce and Tony were cooped up in the labs all day, which just leaves you and him.

Bucky’s always intrigued you, ever since the moment he walked into the Avenger’s tower a few months ago. Steve told you about his backstory before he moved in with the rest of you, but instead of being afraid of him like everyone else seemingly was, you weren’t scared. At first, you pitied him, having gone through a similar situation as his. HYRDA kidnapped you as a child and trained you for years to become their own personal weapon, putting you through hell in the process. Natasha had saved you from HYDRA three years ago when you had been fighting her in one of the labs her and Steve had come to take down. You don’t exactly remember how things had gone down- there’s a lot of blank spaces in your memory from your HYDRA years- but you do know that somehow she had managed to convince you to go back to SHIELD with her. A year later, you were an Avenger, kicking the asses of the people who had ruined your life as a child.

A few weeks after Bucky moved in, you realized that he was a lot different than you had expected. He was a good man; you had already known this, but he proved it to you. He never spoke to anybody except Steve, not even you, but it’s the small gestures. The way he genuinely cares about Steve, the way he will give the missions his all, the way he bent over backward to save you from getting killed by a HYDRA agent a few weeks ago. He’s not the Winter Soldier anymore- he’s just simply Bucky Barnes to you, a man who went through a hell of a lot to get to where he is today.

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Hamilton  songs explained by my friend
  • Alexander Hamilton: "did they just rhyme father with father and farther?"
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: "this antisocial man is so done with this overeager puppy and this random ass boyband"
  • My Shot: the overeager puppy joins the boyband. somehow becomes the front man of the band. they gain lots of fans.
  • The Story of Tonight: The boyband covers a song from les mis???
  • The Schuyler Sisters: WHERES YOUR GOD NOW @ boyband.
  • Farmer Refuted: boyband has a hater. Front man puppy roasts hater before he can he even start to talk.
  • You'll be back: to be sung draped over a piano with with champagne fake crying into a handkerchief
  • Right Hand Man: "there's a moment you know... you're fucked. aND THATS RN PEOPLE I SWEAR TO GOD.
  • A Winters Ball: "20 year old males who drink are gross and do gross 20 year old drunk male things"
  • Helpless: "this could be the start of something new it feels so right being here with you"
  • Satisfied: "I've done fucked up"
  • The Story of Tonight reprise: the boyband gets drunk and harass the antisocial man (again)
  • wait for it: the song that could get away with going on the radio
  • Stay Alive: tfw ur dad doesn't trust you to lead an army #relatable
  • Ten Duel Commandments: "Revolutionary men have fragile pride and I don't know why they were trusted with guns"
  • Meet Me Inside: "the puppy gets fired because he got mad that his father figure acknowledges the fact that he's a father figure"
  • That Would Be Enough: "you're not even a father figure you're a legit father"
  • Guns and Ships: "surprise bitch, tis I le baguette here to win the war"
  • history has it's eyes on you: I fucked up once. and now it's your turn to.
  • Yorktown (the world turned upside down): surprise BITch (part 2) herCULES MULLIGAN-
  • What comes next?: I'm petty as shit.
  • Dear Theodosia: "Burr imma let you finish but, loOk AT MY SON
  • Non-Stop: the puppy and boyband have been separated since the war so the puppy decides to go into law then government
  • What'd I miss: the war??? wtf???
  • Cabinet Battle #1: "I know more than you" -Ron Swanson
  • Take A Break: use your fucking commas and don't use child actors to play your children
  • Say No to This: ... you are singing the word "no" you should be able to say it
  • The Room Where it Happens: the banjo turn up of the century
  • Schuyler Defeated: antisocial man and the puppy have a falling out
  • Cabinet Battle #2: (sips tea) (slowly puts it down and turns)..... you must be out of yoUR GODDAMN MIND IF YOU THINK-
  • Washington on your side: I am ready to throw punches
  • One Last Time: I'm tired... I think I'm gonna go home now.
  • I Know Him: The John Adams Roast begins
  • The Adams Administration: The Roast continues
  • We Know: well fuck,we actually didn't know
  • Hurricane: I will roast myself and save everyone else the trouble of doing it.
  • The Reynolds Pamphlet: "YOU MUsT BE OUT OF YOUR GOD DAMN MIND" -Angelica, and literally the whole cast
  • Burn: I have no words, only tears.
  • Blow us all away: you thought it would be okay... you were wrong.
  • Stay Alive (reprise): tears intensify
  • It's Quiet Uptown: full fledged sobbing 2 minutes into the song
  • The Election of 1800: ham and jefferson roast burr to the point of no return
  • Your Obedient Servant: the slightly bitchy passive aggressive anthem
  • Best Of Wives, Best of Women: a single tear because we all know what's gonna happen next
  • The World Was Wide Enough: "most disputes die and no one shoots" is the biggest goddamn lie in the show
  • Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story: hello death I welcome thee.
Rescue Me

Part One of Three

Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Word Count: 2965

Warnings: Swearing, tension, attempted abduction, Bucky on a motorcycle. Eventual Smut.

A/N: I wrote this for my friend/soulmate/person, Nikki. I wasn’t going to post it, but she loved it so much and wanted me to share it! Part Two will be posted in a few days, and part three a few days after that! Tag lists are open!



You knew you should have stayed home today.

You looked up at the man who was pressed against you but it was too dark in the utility closet he had pulled you into.

He was looking out of the crack in the door at the thousands of people milling around the airport. The sliver of light bisected his face showing a black baseball cap, scruff along a hard-set jaw and black shirt.

Your back was against the wall and most of his hard body was pressed along yours. When you moved your head to try and see around him, your cheek brushed against his shoulder. You could feel the warmth radiating off him where his chest was mashed against yours.

You kept waiting on the panic to set in. A strange man had come out of nowhere and grabbed your arm. He told you to, “Play along,” as he hauled you along with him. Next thing you knew, he had opened a door and pushed you through it. Once you were inside, he had bent low and told you that he, “Wasn’t going to hurt to you, and will explain in a minute.” You had only caught a glimpse of him, but you were pretty sure you saw the light glint off a metal arm.

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Hold on Hun, We’re Gonna Bunny-Hug (pt1)

“I’m not cruisin’ for a love connection,” she warns him with pursed lips. He still has her pinned to the door, one leg thrown around his waist as they grind into each other ever so often.

James doesn’t miss a step, just drags his teeth over her pulse and says, “Good. Me either.”

or, ‘I slept with you the other day and I didn’t know we had a mutual friend and now we’re sitting across each other for brunch and it’s awkward' 

wc: 3.7k
rating: M

read on ao3

The pub is raucous tonight. It seems like everyone and their mum decided to hit up the Three Broomsticks, and Rosmerta only had time to sling their drinks across the counter before hustling off to deal with another round of patrons. It just errs on the side of uncomfortable; the close packed bodies, the almost deafening levels of chatter, the slowly building humidity that leaves his skin damp, even after he rolled up the sleeves of his flannel in an attempt to cool down.

It’s a bit chaotic, but then again, he thrives off of chaos. At least, that’s what he says after watching some bloke spill his drink on a girl in an attempt to feel her up, only to receive a punch to the jaw. It results in a minor scuffle and he just sits off to the side observing it. It reminds him of an Andy Warhol painting for some reason; just a blur of colour and movement.

James Potter is not good at flip cup.

Or, more accurately, he’s not good at this blaspheme of flip cup that Sirius came up with. He’s making them chug a bitter stout instead of beer, and James grimaces the whole way through, costing him and Remus significant time.

He gives up after the third round of losing- he doesn’t hate himself that much, plus he’s sure that if he doesn’t wash down the taste with something else, his tastebuds would never forgive him- and Sirius pats him on the back.

“Oh don’t be sad, Prongs,” he says, pinching his cheeks.

James bats his hands away. “You’re a sadistic bastard.”

“Funny, that’s what my mum used to call me growing up.”

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Wrapped Around; pt.4

Jimin x Reader x Tae // College!AU // 9.7k words

Originally posted by jinsthighs

Summary: Freshman year was a mess and sophomore year doesn’t seem to be looking too good either. You know boys like them are no good for you but maybe they’re just your kind of type

Genre: Fluff, Angst

A/N: ha ha ha. I’m so horrible at updating wtf but here ya go guys, part 4! sorry for the wait! (p.s: there was a part 3.5!)

Part 1 | Part 2Part 2.5 | Part 3Part 3.5

Previously…

As your cousin speeds forward, closer to his house, you can’t help but laugh to yourself. You were mixed with equal parts of dread and excitement, longing to wind down the window to shout out their names but at the same time wanting to hide away, hoping that you wouldn’t run into them at all. What a turn of events. Looks like it was going to be a fairly interesting winter break after all.


Standing in the aisle of the supermarket, you glance at the list in your hand then back at the rows and rows of a variety of canned beans. Who knew there’d be this many type of beans? You casually strolled down the aisle, your eyes kept peeled for the one that said garbanzo beans, whatever that meant. 

A short bell rings signaling the arrival of new customers but you’re oblivious to the sound as you continue searching for the can of beans. You hear a loud smack accompanied by a short scream and you spin around, curious as to what the ruckus was about.

“What the hell, Jimin?! That hurt!”

Shit.

You recognise that voice and you definitely recognise that name. Maybe your mind was playing tricks on you because what were the odds of meeting them in a supermarket of all places? Maybe that wasn’t Taehyung’s voice and perhaps there could be another Jimin in this town… Jimin is a common name after all, you reason. You exhale deeply, returning your attention to the cans in front of you, you finally find the can of garbanzo beans and put it into the basket that was dangling off your arm.

“Not so nice having a taste of your own medicine huh Tae?”

Tae.

Maybe… Maybe there was another Tae in this town too?

Light laughter fills the air and you stiffen up because that distinct laugh definitely belongs to the Jimin that you knew.

Your mind is in a frenzy as you let the fact that you were mere metres away from them sink in. You turn on your heel abruptly, speed walking down the aisle away from the boys. 

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