now to carve the thing *sob*

Atlas - Neptune Official

I got it yey! Tagging @busysciencegeek, @karadanversprince, @teacactus, @winelover1989, @kelbottumbles, @karamelizedlove

It was like wildfire. Flames burning her chest as the silence became louder against her ears. As she struggled to sustain her own weight, her vision became blurry. She could feel the heaviness against her chest preventing her from breathing.

The blonde-haired closed her eyes and counted to ten in a slow, paced frequency, trying to contain the burning ache against her chest. Kara could still hear the ticking of their Mickey and Minnie clock. She could still remember the moment he brought it to her, making her cover eyes. She opened them to see him looking like an excited puppy while he waited for her reaction. The next ten minutes that followed were the most adorable blabbing she saw in her entire existence. The object had a meaning to them, not some extraordinary thing like most couples had, but it signified all the moments they’d spent together, all the things both shared that now were a aching memory in her. It meant that they made it through it all. In spite of the time, the differences and the prejudices, they made it through. But now, she knew all of that could be destroyed.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Kara had to remind herself. The silence around her was almost becoming far too much, her feelings threatening to take over at any second.

He wasn’t there. The house was empty and he wasn’t there. His flannel was tossed in the couch, the frying pan he used in the morning was over by the balcony, and his copy of The Hamlet was opened above the desk. But his voice didn’t filled the silence around, his blabbing wasn’t present to make her laugh out loud, he wasn’t singing one of those cheesy songs he seemed so engrossed by. He was gone.

Kara reached to the desk trying to gain balance, trying to surpass the aching feeling against her chest. They would find a way. They had to find a way. Mon-El was strong, they would save him, she knew they could… They had to save him.

She couldn’t breathe. Her chest ached in a way she never felt before. One second. Two. Three. No matter how many times she counted, it was becoming too much. When had she allowed that to happen? When had she allowed herself to fall so much for him? When was the moment where he took over her heart, bare in his hands, and why had she allowed him to?

The sound of the clock was driving her mad. Everything in that dammed place was making her crazy. His smell was everywhere. She still could smell his cologne on the sofa, the carpet where they made love more times that she could count. He was everywhere. In the little stuffed animal he got her on Valentine’s Day, in the photos, he was engraved against her skin, as the only thing strong enough to carve her whole. You’re Supergirl. She tried to remember herself. But in that moment she wasn’t. Right there, alone, with her knees finally giving in, she was just Kara.

She sobbed loud, punching the floor with no fear of the damage it could cause. The tears fell freely against her skin, the fire now burning under her skin, while the darkness around seemed to get bigger and scarier. The feelings she struggled so hard to bury were now resurfacing stronger than ever. All that pain. The pain of losing her parents, the only family she had, of seeing her planet be wrecked and destroyed, of seeing the destruction that now she knew her own parents did not stop. Everything came back like a river breaking a dam. The loneliness, the hours she spent looking at the sky and imagining Krypton there, the hope she felt when she first saw him… The despair of losing him for something so trivial.

She hugged herself, trying to make it stop. She just wanted it to fucking stop. Kara just wanted that pain and despair to go away. It was hurting more than she thought she could handle. The acrid taste on her tongue made her sick, the overwhelming pain in her chest making her support herself forward, trying to prevent it from reaching everywhere. He would come back. He had to come back.

Kara never told him. She never once said how much she loved him. How he was one of the greatest things that ever happened to her. She never had the courage to say those words out loud, and now the fear of never being able to share her love was taking her over. He would never know. He would never know that she would do whatever it takes to get him back, that no one would ever stand in between. Was that selfish? Was that unkind? Was that a violent love doomed to a violent end?

Kara always thought she knew everything about life. But when he came along, with his selfish reasons and his need to survive, the girl knew she was far from knowing everything. He was the one who taught her how to overcome her own prejudices. He taught her that life is rare, that those small moments both shared were so important and yet so singular. Not once in her life had she felt so affected by anyone, so connected to anyone. He understood her, he knew how utterly alone she felt for most of the time, and he was always there. Even when she asked him to go, when she denied her own feelings – those who still scared her even after all that time – he stood by her side, and came back over and over again, still being the support she needed it when things got darker and harder. He taught to open herself to love, to let herself experience that overwhelming and terrifying feeling.

You have to stand up. Something, a little voice that sounded a lot like his somehow, said. But she didn’t have the strength to push herself up, not when her entire world seemed to crash right before her eyes. Her body trembled, her hands gripping the material of the carpet with despair, almost ripping it out, and her lips quivering with the loud sobs she emitted.

The clock was still ticking, and Kara had no idea how many hours had passed. She felt so tired; every part of her body being taken by a feeling of emptiness and longing that couldn’t be explained in words. The pain was almost becoming too much, she just wanted to rip it out, to take him out of her, but she couldn’t. He was too deep within, his smell still lingering, his presence still surrounding her, and her heart carved with his memory. It was too deep for her to take out, he was inside of her in a way no one ever was before.

Kara had no idea how it happened. In one minute he was standing beside her, head up waiting for a command, and the next he was jumping in front of Winn, who was unprotected. It all happened too fast, even for her.
“Kara didn’t see exactly what happened. She didn’t see the bullet piercing through his flesh, but she did see him as he fell to the ground, his knees collapsing against the cold asphalt. Within seconds, she was by his side, trying desperately to contain his wound. She heard Winn’s voice but didn’t answer back as her hands gripped his with a strength she knew no human could bare. He smiled gently, one of those smiles that did not appear very often, one of those that sounded like an unspoken promise, a silent agreement between them, although she didn’t want to know what that agreement was.
“Give me something to stop the wound, fast,” she screamed, looking at her best friend with terror in her eyes. Winn obeyed and gave her his shirt, while he spoke with J’onn through speakers.
“Stay with me,” she said, pressing the injury. “Keep your eyes open.”
The blond-haired girl begged, desperately trying to suppress the despair that threatened to grow inside her chest. Mon-El coughed, and she had to bite her lips hard as the sight of blood tainted his lips.
He struggled through the pain, raising his hands to touch her. He just wanted to feel the heat of her skin one last time. Her eyes shone differently than before, looking desperate and empty.
“Is okay,” he said. He said it for her. For the strong woman in front of him, whom he loved with everything he had, with his heart and soul. He knew it wasn’t going to be okay. He could feel his own life fading with every breath, but he would never choose anything differently. He would choose her. Always.
“Is not okay!” She shouted. “J’onn please, we need help!” she said to the comms, her hands trembling with the sight of his blood. He could barely hear her voice; everything was becoming darker around him. “You have to come, please Mon-El is bleeding and… And we have to take to the hospital… To somewhere! Pl-Please”.
“Kara… Kara, look at me,” he asked, his voice barely audible. She obeyed without thinking, and the look in his face shredded her heart in pieces. She couldn’t breathe. Her body trembled with the sobs that echoed within, her eyes burning with tears she tried to contain. Rao, she was beautiful. The most beautiful person he ever laid his eyes on. He caressed her skin, memorizing her eyes, as blue as comets in the night sky. She could feel that was a goodbye. She sensed deep within. And she was having none of it. Damn, she was Supergirl!
“Don’t you dare to say goodbye to me, Mon-El.” She gritted her teeth hard as his smile faded and his eyes got darker. “You. Have. To. Keep. Fighting.” Her voice was high and distressed. It pitched due to the aching of her own body as she tried to keep the wound from bleeding. Kara could barely look at him; she wasn’t strong enough to see the light fading from his eyes. “I can’t do this without you, Mon-el!”
“Yes you can… You are Supergirl, you can do everything”. He coughed and she saw the blood on his mouth. He caressed her face and breathed in, feeling his own body fighting against the lead in his system. “You were always so much better than me…” “Comets,” he whispered looking at her right in the eyes. His own seeming to fight against the darkness. Mon-el was tired of fighting, he knew he should have died with his planet, and now he could finally meet his fate… The one he deserved.
Kara didn’t know how many minutes had passed. Her knees ached, but she couldn’t want to get up. Please, stand up. That voiced came out again, strong and demanding. He was not dead. He was out there, and she knew that. He not only was alive but his presence was in everything. That was what wounded her the most. Looking at the place both build together, at the memories every crack of the walls had, all the pain and joy carried within. He was out there. He was just asleep, and she didn’t know for how long.
She reached Hamlet, his now favorite book, and opened to find his calligraphy throughout the pages, making his thoughts about what he was reading very clear. Along the lines, question marks to the words and custom he had yet to learn. Between pages, he could see lines like “Why is Shakespeare so obsessed with tragedies?” or “This plot looks a lot like that movie about the little lion that loses his father.” She laughed between the tears and hugged the book tightly, being careful with the object. Her body was aching, her sobs becoming quieter as the numbness started to take over. “You are Supergirl, you can do everything.” He had so much faith in her, the same amount of faith she had for him, for the man she proudly watched him become. Looking around, everything made her remember the moments they both lived. The laughing, the sleepless nights, the love that often seemed too much for her, the fire that burned within, making her want more, crave for more of whatever that feeling was. She felt so alive and happy with him around. So fulfilled, as if she could have it all.
She had to fight. For him. For both of them. For the future that would be stolen from them. Kara stood up and breathed in. She would fight.

anonymous asked:

I NEED to know how Maggie deals with that 'M' that Luthor carved into Alex's arm. Or is it not gonna leave a scar?

A follow-up to yesterday’s Savers v. Cadmus angst fest, here.

Kara is the first one, other than the medics, to see it.

It’s her first time alone with Alex – the first time that James was able to drag Maggie out of the room, the first time Alex was strong enough to encourage her to go eat, to go shower, to go get her own wounds tended to – and she’s changing Alex’s bandages when the one on her tricep makes her gasp.

She shivers and she quakes and she wishes Alex hadn’t killed Lillian Luthor because she swears she would if she could, and she swallows vomit and she caresses the swollen, reddened flesh around Alex’s tricep with gentle, trembling fingertips and tears choking her throat.

Alex,” she shudders, and Alex takes a long, slow sigh, laboriously because breathing still hurts.

“It’s far from the worst thing she did to me, Kara,” she tells her, but her heart isn’t in it. Her heart is shattered and the pieces are in her throat, because how in the hell is she going to show Maggie that Lillian Luthor had carved the first letter of her name into Alex’s arm? 

She can’t. She won’t.

“Does Maggie know?” Kara half sobs, and Alex shakes her head painstakingly.

“And she’s not gonna find out, either.”

“Alex – “


Kara doesn’t argue, for now, because Alex is still so pale with blood loss and her voice is still so ragged from exhaustion and her eyes are still so deadened from the ghosts of Maggie’s screams, her own body feeling like it was exploding, Maggie’s agony, and her complete inability to do anything about it, her complete failure to protect Maggie from watching her get tortured. Her complete failure to protect Maggie from being tortured.

Kara bends and Kara kisses her sister and Kara squeezes her hand and Kara leaves before she can completely break, because Alex doesn’t need to see that.

Winn shifts in next, fulfilling the promise Maggie had forced them all to make that Alex wouldn’t even be alone for a single second, unless she specifically requested it, while Maggie was gone.

“Kara okay?” Alex croaks, and Winn sits gingerly on the side of her bed, his hand taking hers gently after he asks with his raised eyebrows if he can.

“Alex, yesterday the medics took a bullet out of your thigh and set your cracked ribs and that’s to say nothing about your face. And you wanna know if Kara’s okay?”

“Winn, it… watching someone you love be hurt, it’s… it’s worse than being the one getting shot.”

Winn sighs and Winn runs his hand through his hair before stroking Alex’s face gently, gently, gently.

“I know. I know. And I know you’re worried about Kara and I know you’re worried about Maggie, but Alex, you’ve gotta focus on healing you right now. We’ve got Kara, we’ve got Maggie. And they’ve both got you. But the best way you can help them, is by resting, by letting your body heal. Okay?”

Alex sighs and Alex’s closes her eyes and Alex looks away.

“And you have to tell her.”

Alex’s eyes snap back open. “What.”

Winn takes a deep breath and he leans over so he can see the underside of her arm, where the “M” is carved just over the slight bulge of her tricep.

“That’s gonna scar, Alex, she’s gonna know. And if you keep it from her? She’ll find out when she’s not prepared, when she’s started to heal, and it’ll just bust all the wounds open again.”

“How did you even know?”

“Kara mentioned in her… sobbery.”

Alex breathes out a laugh and rolls her eyes and blinks out two tears.

“How the hell am I supposed to tell her, Winn? That someone started carving her name into my skin, to torture me, to torture her?”

Winn bites his lip and swallows and gives Alex a small, hopeless smile. “You can tell her it’s an upsidedown W. For Winn. It could have nothing to do with her.”

Alex laughs full on this time, and the laugh becomes a sob and the sob becomes a cough and the cough becomes a pained hiss because god everything hurts.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Winn chokes, and Alex shakes her head.

“It’s fine, I’m fine.”

There’s a soft rapping on the door and Winn turns and what’s left of Alex’s heart backflips.

“Hey babe.” Maggie’s voice is small and her hair is damp and her clothes are DEO issue: she must have flat-out refused to leave the DEO, and her stubbornness makes Alex feel loved, and it makes Alex feel warm, and it makes Alex feel nauseous and guilty because god this woman would be fine if she’d never met her, if Alex had never been so obvious about liking her, Cadmus never would have touched her…

“Hey. You’ve discovered the wonders of DEO showers.”

Maggie smiles softly and steps forward hesitantly, like if she comes too close too quickly, she’ll hurt Alex again, she’ll make Alex’s body break again.

“And the wonders of DEO uniforms, I see. It suits you, Maggie. But Agent Danvers, don’t jump her bones just yet, you’ve still got some healing to do, okay?” Winn teases as he stands, as he passes Alex’s hand to Maggie, as he touches Maggie’s shoulder and just barely resists kissing her on the forehead because he’s not sure yet if that would get him slapped or hugged and he doesn’t want to risk doing anything Maggie wouldn’t want, especially not right now.

So he shuffles to the door and he turns before he leaves and he touches his own tricep and he moves “tell her” to Alex before slipping off to find Kara and the others.

They’re both silent for a long moment, both staring at each other, both of their lips slightly parted, both of their hearts racing slightly too quickly.

“How’s your pain?” Maggie asks, and Alex lifts an unsteady hand to rest on Maggie’s thigh as she takes Winn’s place on the bed.

“They have meds for mine, Maggie. They don’t have meds for yours.”

Maggie scoffs slightly. “Sure they do. J’onn tried hopping me up on anti-anxieties and all manner of things.”

“And you didn’t take them?”

“They make me foggy. I want to be all here right now.”

“Maggie – “

“Alex. All I care about – the only thing – is that you’re okay.”

“But you had to watch – “

“I don’t need you to remind me what I had to watch. I just… you’re okay. As long as you’re okay – “

“I am.”

“Then I’m gonna be fine. We’re gonna be fine. You hear me?”

Alex nods and Alex sighs and Alex squeezes Maggie’s thigh.

“Babe. You need to know something. Do you… do you remember when Luthor had that scalpel to my arm?”

Maggie’s eyes blaze. “I remember everything.” Her voice is dead and Alex breaks but Alex is used to pressing on when she breaks, so she does, because Maggie is broken, too, and at least, at least, they’re together.

“She um… she wrote something, Maggie. Or started to, she – “

But Maggie is up and Maggie is kneeling next to her bed and Maggie is gently, gently, tenderly, furiously, rolling back the bandages Kara had redone, and Maggie is clenching her fists and Maggie is swallowing vomit and Alex is reaching a shaky hand out to stroke her tear-splattered cheek and Maggie is pulling away, away, away, slamming her fist into the nearest wall, slamming her fists into her own thighs, grabbing at the unforgiving material of her DEO-issue pants with fingernails that want to do nothing but bleed.

“It’s my fault she did this to you, it’s my… it’s my…”

“Maggie, it’s not, it’s not, babe, I – “

“Ally, Ally, your skin was perfect, she… she cut it through one of your freckles, she… Ally, I’m… I’m sorry, I should’ve been faster, I should’ve – “

“Maggie, stop it, Maggie. Maggie, please, Maggie. Look at me, dammit.”

Maggie does, finally, wrenching her eyes up from her crumbled position on the floor, steadying her shaking hands by pressing them under her arms, by rocking back and forth on her heels, by holding her breath long enough to calm, calm, calm, because this is about Alex, Alex, Alex.

“No, I’m sorry, you shouldn’t be comforting me, it – “

“Maggie, no, that’s not my point. Look at me. Please.” Her voice is gentler this time, less scared, this time, because Maggie is still, now, Maggie’s knuckles are safe, now.

“You know how I have Kara’s name tattooed on my ankle?”

Maggie shudders out a breath and a nod, leaning back up to examine the cut, the cut that will scar, the cut that will scar her first initial into the arm of the woman she loves. She presses soft, soft, soft kisses to the reddened area around the mark, Alex’s muscles relaxing now, Alex’s trembling hand reaching out to hold Maggie’s, now.

“I can’t think of another person who’s name I’d want on my body, Mags. Just Kara. And you. You, because I love you like I’ve never loved anyone. And I… this scar will be… hard. Definitely the hardest one I have, and I have a lot. Hard for both of us. But Maggie, I can’t… I can’t have you thinking it’s your fault every time you see my naked, every time you see me sleeveless. Maggie, we… we survived something impossible together. She brought us there because she knew we loved each other, but you said it, babe: she didn’t understand how much. She didn’t understand that we love each other too much to do anything but get outta there alive. Together. And we did. And it was impossible. But we did. Because you and me, Mags? We do impossible things. And… this damn scar? It’s just proof of that. Just proof of how much I love you. And I would go through that again, and again, and again, if somehow it meant keeping you safe, keeping you from pain. I love you, Maggie. We’re gonna get through this. Scar or no scar, okay?”

Maggie wipes her tears with the back of her hand and she nods into the slowly decreasing space between their lips, and a fresh tear drops from her face onto Alex’s cheek as Alex parts her lips and breathes in every ounce of love, every ounce of belief, every ounce of hope, every ounce of impossible, that Maggie is pouring into her gentle, gentle, perfect kiss.

Let’s all pretend that the god we woke last night
Isn’t waiting around the corner to eat us.
Let’s all just keep sipping from this flask
And let our throats go numb with darkness.
I told you not to go searching for something that ancient.
Just because you found that grimoir in your grandmother’s basement
Doesn’t mean that you should have opened it.
It smelled of musk, and sagebrush, and something rotten.
Not bad rotten, but like a flower that the sun drunk into a carcass.
Your grief doesn’t excuse you love.
She was dead. We weren’t. Maybe there’s a reason that she went out like that.
What kind of grandmother goes out into the bayou after dark.
She was no fool, that grandma of yours.
When we were little she taught us what creatures you don’t mess with out by yourself.
Taught us what every poisoned thing looked like from sproutling to dying bud.
And we both ignored what they said about her in town.
Said the only magic we knew about was the way the sun peeled open when we held hands.
But you had to go unraveling that perfect dream we lived in.
You had to go looking for the kind of magic I can’t carry on the pads of my thumbs.
And I helped you because I loved you.
And I watched the invocations turn into addiction.
And I watched you start flipping father from the healing spells
As your hands shook with wanting when your fingers licked
Darker coated pages.
I shook my head, sucking little ripe raspberries from each of my fingertips,
But your eyes went new moon dark and I knew that I couldn’t stop you.
So we bought a piglet from a farmer’s market,
A bundle of black candle,
And some white chalk.
And last night we drew a pentagram on our living room floor
And held hands.
The first sign should have been the piglet crying
But I was too worried about you to notice.
We made some espresso
Because you hadn’t slept in days
And those purple crescents beneath your eyes
Was the only spot of color on your face.
Then we started chanting post-sage and lavender
And your eyes started glowing soft emerald
When we slit the piglets throat.
Then the candles went out and everything went
Dark Dark Dark
And we woke up in front of a mirror with big spindly letters in a language I couldn’t understand
Burned into our palms.
Not Latin, not Greek, not even human.
And your eyes weren’t emerald anymore
But they were as big as dinner plates because you were afraid
Of what we let into this world
And that evening we watched openmouthed at the nightly news
Because there had been a rash of suicides that morning in the bayou,
And we both knew why.
So you got out the gin
And I pulled out your grandma’s teacups
And we got wasted to the sound of the cicadas shrieking outside.
When we woke up it was almost midnight
And I wouldn’t let your make me tea
Because I couldn’t bear to hear the kettle scream
And you wouldn’t hold my hand
Because the brand that thing gave us was still burning.
So you told me that you needed cigarettes from the gas station
And then you started crying.
You didn’t want to leave this house.
You still had blood in your hair
And you looked like shit because you were hung over
But I was so tired
So fucking tired.
So I filled a flask up with whatever was left in the bottle and headed out.
You followed.
And the night air blew cold with spirits
While you shivered with guilt.
That’s how we ended up here.
The sky that sticky kind of dark with a sliver of moon
As an afterthought
While you pressed your head against my shoulder
So it couldn’t hear you crying.
My hands trembled when I pressed the flask to my lips
But I still held you tight
Didn’t even flinch when I pressed that strange brand against your head.
The convenient store light glowing a soft lilac while the cashier
Kept screaming and screaming and screaming.
Quiet baby, quiet. I tell you.
That god will eat us soft at least.
We set it free, and it’s been licking sadness from this town
Like a child at a chocolate fountain.
Maybe it’s not so hungry anymore.
But we both know I’m lying.
That god isn’t anywhere near sated
I felt its power
Shifting inside me like a dark ocean.
This thing is going to devour the whole world raw.
I slipped my hand in yours as the front door peeled open
And that thing poured out of the store like fog.
Never going to get those cigarettes now huh?
I said.
And your sobbed louder while the world turned emerald
And that god said our names the same way it carved our hands,
In blood.
—  Your Grandma Hid Her Grimoir For A Reason
The Manor (DH Reader Insert)

Request: You know that scene in deathly hallows, where bellatrix tortures hermione? Could you do one where instead of hermione it was you? (You werw dating draco btw) (you chose the ending, and pls makw it long) thank you! :)

Word Count: 762

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x (Y/N)

Warnings: Torture scene from Deathly Hallows and unedited oops

Disclaimer: Don’t own Harry Potter and didn’t come up with the idea for this plot - based around JK Rowling’s writing and film franchise for Deathly Hallows both of whom hold full rights to their respective ownerships. 

You open your eyes slowly and try to adjust to the dark room. Panic immediately set in as you took in your surroundings, remembering how you had been dragged there only minutes… maybe hours by now… ago. The room was tinged with green and it was impossible to miss the cold, clammy feeling rising up your spine. The darkness felt penetrating and the inability to see anything or anyone only made it worse. Where had Harry and Ron gone? Then you remembered, they had been dragged away literally kicking and screaming only moments ago down to the basement of…. wherever you were. You look up slowly, aware of another presence in the room and gaze onto the one face you remember seeing before you blacked out. Bellatrix.

 Looking down her nose at you, a smirk was clearly evident as she moved her wand up to your eye level. “Don’t think I missed giving you a proper greeting!” She almost shrieked, eyes alive with glee. “Don’t you want to see her face Draco? The face of the girl you have been so in love with?” You eyes open wide as you frantically search around the room for the face of the one person that you wished to see. So he could hold you again and tell you it would be alright. But clearly things didn’t work like that. 

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