Atlas - Neptune Official
It was like wildfire. Flames burning her chest as the silence became louder against her ears. As she struggled to sustain her own weight, her vision became blurry. She could feel the heaviness against her chest preventing her from breathing.
The blonde-haired closed her eyes and counted to ten in a slow, paced frequency, trying to contain the burning ache against her chest. Kara could still hear the ticking of their Mickey and Minnie clock. She could still remember the moment he brought it to her, making her cover eyes. She opened them to see him looking like an excited puppy while he waited for her reaction. The next ten minutes that followed were the most adorable blabbing she saw in her entire existence. The object had a meaning to them, not some extraordinary thing like most couples had, but it signified all the moments they’d spent together, all the things both shared that now were a aching memory in her. It meant that they made it through it all. In spite of the time, the differences and the prejudices, they made it through. But now, she knew all of that could be destroyed.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Kara had to remind herself. The silence around her was almost becoming far too much, her feelings threatening to take over at any second.
He wasn’t there. The house was empty and he wasn’t there. His flannel was tossed in the couch, the frying pan he used in the morning was over by the balcony, and his copy of The Hamlet was opened above the desk. But his voice didn’t filled the silence around, his blabbing wasn’t present to make her laugh out loud, he wasn’t singing one of those cheesy songs he seemed so engrossed by. He was gone.
Kara reached to the desk trying to gain balance, trying to surpass the aching feeling against her chest. They would find a way. They had to find a way. Mon-El was strong, they would save him, she knew they could… They had to save him.
She couldn’t breathe. Her chest ached in a way she never felt before. One second. Two. Three. No matter how many times she counted, it was becoming too much. When had she allowed that to happen? When had she allowed herself to fall so much for him? When was the moment where he took over her heart, bare in his hands, and why had she allowed him to?
The sound of the clock was driving her mad. Everything in that dammed place was making her crazy. His smell was everywhere. She still could smell his cologne on the sofa, the carpet where they made love more times that she could count. He was everywhere. In the little stuffed animal he got her on Valentine’s Day, in the photos, he was engraved against her skin, as the only thing strong enough to carve her whole. You’re Supergirl. She tried to remember herself. But in that moment she wasn’t. Right there, alone, with her knees finally giving in, she was just Kara.
She sobbed loud, punching the floor with no fear of the damage it could cause. The tears fell freely against her skin, the fire now burning under her skin, while the darkness around seemed to get bigger and scarier. The feelings she struggled so hard to bury were now resurfacing stronger than ever. All that pain. The pain of losing her parents, the only family she had, of seeing her planet be wrecked and destroyed, of seeing the destruction that now she knew her own parents did not stop. Everything came back like a river breaking a dam. The loneliness, the hours she spent looking at the sky and imagining Krypton there, the hope she felt when she first saw him… The despair of losing him for something so trivial.
She hugged herself, trying to make it stop. She just wanted it to fucking stop. Kara just wanted that pain and despair to go away. It was hurting more than she thought she could handle. The acrid taste on her tongue made her sick, the overwhelming pain in her chest making her support herself forward, trying to prevent it from reaching everywhere. He would come back. He had to come back.
Kara never told him. She never once said how much she loved him. How he was one of the greatest things that ever happened to her. She never had the courage to say those words out loud, and now the fear of never being able to share her love was taking her over. He would never know. He would never know that she would do whatever it takes to get him back, that no one would ever stand in between. Was that selfish? Was that unkind? Was that a violent love doomed to a violent end?
Kara always thought she knew everything about life. But when he came along, with his selfish reasons and his need to survive, the girl knew she was far from knowing everything. He was the one who taught her how to overcome her own prejudices. He taught her that life is rare, that those small moments both shared were so important and yet so singular. Not once in her life had she felt so affected by anyone, so connected to anyone. He understood her, he knew how utterly alone she felt for most of the time, and he was always there. Even when she asked him to go, when she denied her own feelings – those who still scared her even after all that time – he stood by her side, and came back over and over again, still being the support she needed it when things got darker and harder. He taught to open herself to love, to let herself experience that overwhelming and terrifying feeling.
You have to stand up. Something, a little voice that sounded a lot like his somehow, said. But she didn’t have the strength to push herself up, not when her entire world seemed to crash right before her eyes. Her body trembled, her hands gripping the material of the carpet with despair, almost ripping it out, and her lips quivering with the loud sobs she emitted.
The clock was still ticking, and Kara had no idea how many hours had passed. She felt so tired; every part of her body being taken by a feeling of emptiness and longing that couldn’t be explained in words. The pain was almost becoming too much, she just wanted to rip it out, to take him out of her, but she couldn’t. He was too deep within, his smell still lingering, his presence still surrounding her, and her heart carved with his memory. It was too deep for her to take out, he was inside of her in a way no one ever was before.
Kara had no idea how it happened. In one minute he was standing beside her, head up waiting for a command, and the next he was jumping in front of Winn, who was unprotected. It all happened too fast, even for her.
“Kara didn’t see exactly what happened. She didn’t see the bullet piercing through his flesh, but she did see him as he fell to the ground, his knees collapsing against the cold asphalt. Within seconds, she was by his side, trying desperately to contain his wound. She heard Winn’s voice but didn’t answer back as her hands gripped his with a strength she knew no human could bare. He smiled gently, one of those smiles that did not appear very often, one of those that sounded like an unspoken promise, a silent agreement between them, although she didn’t want to know what that agreement was.
“Give me something to stop the wound, fast,” she screamed, looking at her best friend with terror in her eyes. Winn obeyed and gave her his shirt, while he spoke with J’onn through speakers.
“Stay with me,” she said, pressing the injury. “Keep your eyes open.”
The blond-haired girl begged, desperately trying to suppress the despair that threatened to grow inside her chest. Mon-El coughed, and she had to bite her lips hard as the sight of blood tainted his lips.
He struggled through the pain, raising his hands to touch her. He just wanted to feel the heat of her skin one last time. Her eyes shone differently than before, looking desperate and empty.
“Is okay,” he said. He said it for her. For the strong woman in front of him, whom he loved with everything he had, with his heart and soul. He knew it wasn’t going to be okay. He could feel his own life fading with every breath, but he would never choose anything differently. He would choose her. Always.
“Is not okay!” She shouted. “J’onn please, we need help!” she said to the comms, her hands trembling with the sight of his blood. He could barely hear her voice; everything was becoming darker around him. “You have to come, please Mon-El is bleeding and… And we have to take to the hospital… To somewhere! Pl-Please”.
“Kara… Kara, look at me,” he asked, his voice barely audible. She obeyed without thinking, and the look in his face shredded her heart in pieces. She couldn’t breathe. Her body trembled with the sobs that echoed within, her eyes burning with tears she tried to contain. Rao, she was beautiful. The most beautiful person he ever laid his eyes on. He caressed her skin, memorizing her eyes, as blue as comets in the night sky. She could feel that was a goodbye. She sensed deep within. And she was having none of it. Damn, she was Supergirl!
“Don’t you dare to say goodbye to me, Mon-El.” She gritted her teeth hard as his smile faded and his eyes got darker. “You. Have. To. Keep. Fighting.” Her voice was high and distressed. It pitched due to the aching of her own body as she tried to keep the wound from bleeding. Kara could barely look at him; she wasn’t strong enough to see the light fading from his eyes. “I can’t do this without you, Mon-el!”
“Yes you can… You are Supergirl, you can do everything”. He coughed and she saw the blood on his mouth. He caressed her face and breathed in, feeling his own body fighting against the lead in his system. “You were always so much better than me…” “Comets,” he whispered looking at her right in the eyes. His own seeming to fight against the darkness. Mon-el was tired of fighting, he knew he should have died with his planet, and now he could finally meet his fate… The one he deserved.
Kara didn’t know how many minutes had passed. Her knees ached, but she couldn’t want to get up. Please, stand up. That voiced came out again, strong and demanding. He was not dead. He was out there, and she knew that. He not only was alive but his presence was in everything. That was what wounded her the most. Looking at the place both build together, at the memories every crack of the walls had, all the pain and joy carried within. He was out there. He was just asleep, and she didn’t know for how long.
She reached Hamlet, his now favorite book, and opened to find his calligraphy throughout the pages, making his thoughts about what he was reading very clear. Along the lines, question marks to the words and custom he had yet to learn. Between pages, he could see lines like “Why is Shakespeare so obsessed with tragedies?” or “This plot looks a lot like that movie about the little lion that loses his father.” She laughed between the tears and hugged the book tightly, being careful with the object. Her body was aching, her sobs becoming quieter as the numbness started to take over. “You are Supergirl, you can do everything.” He had so much faith in her, the same amount of faith she had for him, for the man she proudly watched him become. Looking around, everything made her remember the moments they both lived. The laughing, the sleepless nights, the love that often seemed too much for her, the fire that burned within, making her want more, crave for more of whatever that feeling was. She felt so alive and happy with him around. So fulfilled, as if she could have it all.
She had to fight. For him. For both of them. For the future that would be stolen from them. Kara stood up and breathed in. She would fight.