now thats awkward

Tears On Our Tongues

The ride home after the woods

A SnowBaz fic for the Carry On Countdown


Simon

When we get back to the car, we both sit in an extremely awkward silence.  Neither of us seems to know what to do.  After all, that was possibly the most pivotal moment of both of our lives.  Where do we go from here.?

           Lips and tears and heat and fire.

           When I turn to nervously look at Baz, he’s staring straight ahead, his jaw set and his brow heavy.  He’s gripping the steering wheel with both hands, but doesn’t make a move to actually start the car.  Rain is beginning to dot the windshield, and I can see my own breath whisper into the air.

           Baz is so tense, like he’s only just fully realizing what has happened.

           Lips and tears and heat and fire.  His lips on mine.

           “Um,” I murmur, breaking the silence, “do you want me to drive?”

           He blinks like he’s snapped out of a daze and takes a breath.  “No,” he says without looking at me, “it’s fine.”  He turns the key in the ignition, and I notice his hands shaking.

           “Baz,” I reach out and touch his arm without thinking. “I’d really prefer if I drove.”

           He doesn’t flinch at my touch like I expect him to.  He just stares at my hand on his skin with an odd expression, like he’s trying to figure out something complicated.  Like he’s thinking how did that get there?

           It’s not looking like he’s going to move, so I open my door and walk around to the driver’s side, and only then does he actually get out of the car.  He doesn’t look at me as he passes, barely brushing me with his coat on the way.

           When we’re both in our seats, I start the car and turn us around, heading back the way we came.  I turn on the heat because it’s freezing in here, but not the music. As much as I want to break the silence, I can’t ignore the fact that this isn’t just the normal we-kissed-what-now kind of awkward.  This is the you-almost-killed-yourself-and-as-a-result-we-kissed kind of awkward, which is slightly heavier than the normal awkward.

           Lips and tears and heat and fire.  His lips on mine.  Tears on our tongues.

           I sneak a glance at him.  He gazes at the window.  Not out, just at.  

           “You okay?”  I know it’s a stupid question, of course he’s not, but I have to ask.

           He shrugs and very slightly shakes his head.

           “I know it sounds dumb,” I say quietly, “but it’ll be alright.  You’ll be okay.”

           He doesn’t look at me.  I’m starting to wonder if he ever will again.

Baz

I nearly killed us. I nearly sent us both up in flames and then had him against a tree snogging the life out of him.  And here he is asking if I’m okay.

           Point for him though, because I’m not.  Of course not.

           Lips and tears and heat and fire.  His lips on mine.  Tears on our tongues.  His mouth, so full of heat.

           I’m not okay, and now I’ve let him see in graphic detail exactly how not-okay I am.  I could not have made myself more vulnerable in front of him, and the thought makes me want to curl into a ball, erase the whole thing, make it never happen.

           Except for the kissing.  That part can stay.

           Even though I have no idea if he meant it.  It might have been a final attempt to pull me out of my suicidal funk.  Even the kisses after the fire was out were probably just pity kisses, albeit very desperate pity kisses.

           “Baz,” he says quietly, and I feel him glance at me, “how long… um, how long had you wanted… that?”

           “Forever.”  It comes out without a thought.

           “Oh.”

           “Since fifth year.”  Both are true.

           Simon thinks for a moment.  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

           “You had enough reason to hate me.”

           “I don’t hate you.”

           “You did.”

           “I always thought you hated me.”

           “I did,” I nod, “until I loved you.”  His head whips to face me and I scrunch my eyes shut.  I can’t believe I just said that.  “Until I didn’t hate you anymore,” I try to fix it, but I know it’s too late.  It’s out, it’s in the air between us, and it’s going to stay there forever, taunting me with how he’ll never say it back.

           “Baz -”

           “Please,” I grit through my teeth, a tear squeezing out of my eye, “I can’t.”  The tear makes its way down my cheek until it drips into my mouth, and the taste is like Simon.  I will probably forever associate the taste of tears with kissing Simon.

           “Okay,” he whispers, and we’re quiet for the rest of the drive.  I try to keep my sobs silent, but I’m sure he’s hearing them,

           I could have killed him.  If he’d died, it would have been my fault.

           Tears on our tongues.

           When we finally pull into my driveway, I climb out of the car as soon as we’ve stopped.  I hear him call after me, but I don’t pause.  I slam the car door and start stalking towards the house.  It’s so over for me.  I thought I was ready to die in the woods?  I hadn’t been kissed by the boy I love who will never love me. How am I supposed to live with that?

           His footsteps on the driveway are quick like he’s running after me.  I keep moving, tears blurring my vision.

           He catches up to me at the doorstep, throwing himself between me and the door, blocking my entry.

           “Get out of the way, Snow,” I mutter, looking down. We’re under the porch light now, he’ll be able to see what a mess I am, and I can’t look at his expression.

           “Baz, please.”

           “Please what?” I snap.  “What do you want?”

           I make the mistake of glancing at his face and I find tears running down his cheeks.

           “I want you to know that you’ll be okay,” he sobs, “and that I want you to be okay.”

           “I nearly killed you, Snow,” I say, shuddering, “how can you possibly want me to be okay?”

           Lips and tears and heat and fire.  His lips on mine.  Tears on our tongues.  His mouth, so full of heat.  Flames licking at my vision.

           “You wouldn’t have,” he shakes his head, “you were going to spell me away, and for some reason, that’s more upsetting than if you’d tried to kill both of us.”

           “What makes you think I would have saved you?”

           “It was in your eyes.”

           Right now his eyes are full of something I don’t recognize.

           He takes my hand tentatively.  “I need you to know something,” he tells me through his sobs, “because you probably think that it was a sympathy kiss.”

           That’s exactly what I’m thinking.

           “Please never think that.  Never think that the first kiss, or any kisses after that were out of sympathy.  I kissed you because I wanted to, a lot more than I realized.”  He sniffles, his eyes pleading.  “I’d kiss you again right now, and tomorrow morning, and every day after that and none of it would be out of sympathy, and I need you to understand that.”

           I’m shaking like a leaf.  Because I’m tense, because I’m cold, because I’m in some kind of shock, because of Simon’s words.

           “You’d kiss me again?” I choke, unable to believe what I’m hearing.

           He goes pink and he’s smiling and crying and laughing all at once, and I finally recognize what’s in his eyes because it’s exactly the same thing as what’s in mine.

           He doesn’t answer with words.  He stands on tiptoe and takes me by the lapels of my ruined suit, pressing his mouth into mine and it fits like we’ve been doing this forever, like it’s second nature.  His lips taste like tears again and I’m certain that the taste of tears will always be bittersweet to me now, a reminder that no matter how bad it gets, Simon Snow kissed me because he wanted to.

           And he would again.  He is right now.

           And he would tomorrow morning, and every day after that.

  • maia: so...
  • simon: anyways clary is my best friend and we've known luke forever and she's with jace and it's weird but i'm ok. I sleep in a canoe that isn't made of memory foam but I do like it tho memory foam...it's some good shit. you like it? no? o ok you don't wanna discuss beds, Me neither. nervous? i'm always nervous lol. um also I sank to an all time low recently [by betraying my bf who kicked me out after] but like...don't ask about it [him] and yeah that's about it
  • maia: [i want this one]
A-Hero-Complex Mobile Masterlist

MasterList

DC Imagines:

The Flash:

Barry Allen

Cisco Ramon | Vibe

Earth-2 Cisco Ramon | Reverb

Harrison Wells

Eobard Thawne | Harrison Wells | Reverse-Flash

Hunter Zolomon | Zoom

Zoom Mini Series:

Cry Wolf: I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, Finale

Multi-Character Imagines

Arrow:

Oliver Queen

John Diggle

Multi-Character Imagine

Legends of Tomorrow:

Leonard Snart

Mick Rory

Rip Hunter

Multi-Character Imagines

Supergirl:

James Olsen

Young Justice:

Kaldur | Aqualad

Gods and Monsters:

Kirk Langstrom | Batman

Batman VS Superman:

Bruce Wayne | Batman

Multi-Character Imagines

Arkham Series:

Multi-Character Imagines

Misc:

New 52!Barbara Gordan | Batgirl

Marvel Imagines:

Agent Carter:

Daniel Sousa

Avengers:

Tony Stark | Iron Man

Multi-Character Imagines

Deadpool:

Wade Wilson | Deadpool

Vanessa Carlysle | Copy Cat

DC One Shots:

The Flash

One of my tumblr mutuals aren’t feeling well today, so I drew both their muses as Temmies to try and cheer them up! I even came up with pun names for these two. Anyways, I hope you feel better soon!
@smells-like-adventure @devoted-royal-scientist @sparkedsoul-does-art

my mom and i had a really interesting conversation earlier today
and it really makes me wonder why i never opened up to my parents for so long

Philinda's guide to flirting.

Glares, glances, stubbornness,sacrifice and sass.

If there’s one thing that Microsoft (the creators of Windows NT and Clippy the Helpful Paperclip) makes me think of, it’s partying. At least, that’s what their recruiters want candidates to think. In an effort to get in good with tomorrow’s top talent, they sent out emails to interns in Silicon Valley inviting them to come party the Microsoft way.

The email is addressed to “bae intern,” because “bae” is something this recruiter must have heard their niece use once, and parroting youth-speak is life. It’s an invite to a party which they insist will be exclusive, despite the fact that they invited every intern working in tech whose email they could find. Undoubtedly, Microsoft set some kind of minimum baeness quotient (MBQ) required for entry. Because that’s how you verifiably partayyy!

To make sure they were speaking the young ‘uns language, they hit all the hip keywords that you’d get from a Bing search of “What is cool?”

5 Terribly Awkward Attempts To Appeal To Young People

Join the Ziam Family!

I made this page because I want myself/others to meet and find people who support and love Ziam!

Rules:

  • Follow me if you want! (*wink wink*)
  • Reblog this post so others can see it!
  • Message me an icon (can be zayn/liam/ziam/even yourself!) and desc/quote/whatever
  • Add to your message if you want me to make a group so that we can all talk.
  • Link this page onto your blog!

This is just going to be a page of hella ziam blogs/shippers that we can put on our blogs or use to just find other people! (like I said tell me if you want me to make a group as well!)

Doing sketch requests!

I mentioned that I wanted to try sketch requests this month and ta-dah, I’m doing them now! I decided to dedicate this whole weekend for this because sometimes it takes me a while to sketch and I don’t wanna stress about the time, you know? These are stress free sketch requests! For fun!

So yeah, it would be really cool if you wanted to request something, anon or not. I really want to learn how to  draw for others too, not only doodle my own stuff and this is a good way to practise that. I think. Oh and my ask is at the bottom of my tumblr page, it’s hella stupid and I will try to find a theme that has it in a better place, ugh (I mean, I couldn’t find it myself at one point)

But anyway, long story short, if you want see your favourite character doing a rad dance move, now is the right time to ask for it:

That is all. I need to sleep now, I will start working on the requests after I wake up!