Without thinking now, I always have the volume on an even number. Even if I’m in someone else’s car, I keep the radio on an even number. I find myself picking my feet up over train tracks, still making one morning coffee and one morning tea, and bringing two shakers to the gym. I find myself making a joke and listening for your laugh. I make a fool of myself and miss hearing you say “I hate you” followed by a smile. Somehow regular pancakes that aren’t in the shape of our initials just don’t taste the same. Sitting across from someone at a diner and not having them shoot water at me, just feels odd. I find myself taking long drives to no where, only to look in the passenger seat and miss you cuddled on my arm half asleep. I no longer watch movies until 2 am, horribly decorate cookies or have someone squeeze my butt to get my attention. But you’re happy now. I hoped we could have been happy together. I hoped I could have been the person you needed. I hoped you were becoming the person I always saw who you could be. And now I hope you find all those things and then some. I hope you miss me. I hope I’ve rubbed off on you. I hope you find yourself saying “good bit” and “so polite.” I hope you have that one hoodie that’s the best for cardio. I hope you say yes to everything life throws at you. I hope you walk into the gym with all the confidence in the world. I hope you climb to the top of a mountain, overcome your obstacles, sit on a picnic bench and get lost in the view. All while knowing that somewhere down there, you left your mark on me.