Alec and Magnus couple of days after THE kiss:
He was never a man of words. He was never good at it, and it never bothered him before. When he needed something, he worked hard to get it. He truly believed that the world would be off much better if people would stop using so much words that only complicate things, that are creating good-for-nothing -theoretical worlds, which only hurt the actual world they all are living in. Their world have written rules, Accords, they had a very specific law about anything, so why to try and ruin the balance by using unnecessary words and useless feelings?
He was a hunter. He was born with a purpose, with an aim, and he was happy about this little fact. Wake up in the morning knowing that that day would be the same as the previous one, made him in peace. Having a checklist of the things he had to do and those to never do, made his life in order. Kept him out of trouble, as much as his profession let him. As long as everyone followed the law and did what they were supposed to, without trying to ignore their responsibility with stupid conversation which lead them to nowhere, they all could live in a perfect harmonic world.
As much as he loved the balanced life with others, he was fond with closed circles. The people he knew were more than enough for him. He needed no new friends, no other new factors in an acquisition that worked perfectly well without them. He needed no distractions and hated when people didn’t let go. He was just fine surrounded only by his family. He needed no one.
Oh, he was so sure that he had his whole life figured together at a such young age. Growing up in a family of six, when all of them are mighty shadow-hunters, known to all and respected by all, he knew that he had to be the same. Marrying a woman who would bore him children, taking over the Institute when the right time would come and tutore the next generation to follow the rules he loved so much. Everything was settled in his mind, decided till the last most insignificant detail. He had the perfect life plan.
However, despite all of his plans, little by little his world started to shatter, and he couldn’t blame anyone but himself. His first mistake was to accept Jace - His brother, his best friend - to bring a stranger into their home, give them a place inside of their world. Clary was a know-it-all little girl, so nosey and such a troublemaker. She came into the Institute and ruined the harmonic life they lead.
Jace was gone and only the Lord could possibly know what he was thinking when he decided to join Valentine all of a sudden and without any fight. His beloved younger sister was under attack for befriending Downworlders and there was a massive trial going on against her even though they had nothing real against her. Magnus got into their life, and he himself, who, by all means ruined every single plan he had with his own bare hands.
There was so much going on lately, so much that made him question everything he ever stood for. He found himself admitting his true self to himself in front of everybody else, after years of self battling and denying his own feelings, only because they didn’t fit his little plan. Magnus, that man, came into his life and turned it upside-down in no time. He didn’t even had to say or do much, his only existence was enough for a mighty hunter like himself to lose it.
Putting a mirror in front of him, Magnus made him recognize his own feelings. First there was scare, that sent shivers down his spine by the mere thought of him ignoring the plan and doing what he’d like. Then, there were confusion and conflict of not wanting to give up on either of the world’s, belong both - where is his heart and where are the expectation from him. At the end he had to accept his whole self, learn to love himself.
Was it bad? No, not at all. On the contrary. For the first time in forever he went up and did what he truly wanted for his own happiness - not for their world, not for the cause, but for only himself. However, as he knew too well, theory and practice were totally different. Numerous questions bugged him and made him restless.
What know? What if this kind of relationship does nothing but hurting Magnus? What if Camille was right and he’d cease be good enough for Magnus? He couldn’t think clearly, thousandths of thoughts playing n hs mind. Since the kiss he tried to meet the warlock the less he could, to think, so he occupied his days by work and training - nothing more. Not that it helped him too much.
“I thought I’d find you here”.
He heard Magnus’ voice paying softly behind him, when the warlock sneaked into his hiding place - a small field, not too far from the Institute. Not surprised at all that he found him, Alec put down his bow and turned to meet his eyes. The older man was smiling, not his usual flirting smile, but mild one, almost broken. Alec wanted to say something, assuming the expression was his fault, but decided not to at the moment.
“I thought to come and see how’s the thinking is working out. Can I stay?” Magnus asked so not like him - hesitating. He could do nothing but nod and the warlock made himself comfortable on the ground. “I,” He said, his hands looking for a dash of grass to play with, “thought of something myself, I’d like to share with you”.
“Yes, of course” Alec said confused. He wasn’t sure what to do; sit down beside the other man? Keep on standing like a fool? Get back to his training while the other is talking? At least he decided on keep on standing like a fool. It suited him the most anyway, and Magnus didn’t seem to care much at the moment, which was unusual as well as the older always were looking for a chance to be close.
“You know, your mother is right - and I usually try not to agree with her. I am a warlock, a half demon, I’m up to no good, a Downworlder. I really would get why you’d regret all of what had happen, right now. Sure, at first it was all exciting and new, you wanted to explore, I get it. But now, that it became real, you don’t know what to do with it. You don’t understand what you got yourself into. So, I thought about it a lot, about how to make it easy for you… I…. You can end it anytime you want, it’s up only to you. Do whatever you - Alec - want to do. I’d be completely fine with anything you’d decide to do. If anything, we are friends, right? I want you, as your friend, to live the life that would make you a whole person and not just a mere shadow of wonders and ‘what if’s. You deserve it.” Magnus said rapidly, barely breathing between sentences. “I just want to you to know that I expect nothing, you are free to decide on your own.”
“Who are you and where did the confident, cocky, warlock I know have gone?” Alec muttered, looking down on Magnus, who seemed at the moment like a little kid being scolded. “As an old wise man, you really came up just now with the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” He laughed shortly, somewhat bitterly, “My mother was right? You mean the woman who was part of the circle and didn’t left Valentine till the very end? You mean a shadowhunter who was too scared to stand up against a massive killer? How is that you are the one who is up to no good, while all you did was good? You’re using our skills to help others, taking risks that many hunters know won’t ever make.”
“You know it is not what I meant…”
“Then what? The fact that you’re a downworlder? Please… it never bothered you before, why now? No, no, don’t give me that look.” Alec put his finger between the sitting man’s eyebrows and flatted the frown, “It doesn’t bother the people who matter to me, so why does it have to bother us?”
“Let me ask you a question, do I look like someone who does experiments like that? Trying new things, and moreover, in front of everyone I know? I know what I want. I regret nothing. I just don’t know what to do with us now. I never have been… you know…”
“With a man?” Joked Magnus, the color is slowly returning back to his face.
“No.” Alec blushed madly, “That too… but that’s not what I meant… I never have been in any kind of relationship. And I’m afraid that Camille was right the other day… I don’t want my ignorance to hurt you more than I already have”. He said honestly and took Magnus’ hand, helping him up. “I would never regret this. It felt just too good to let go of it just now”.
“So… You didn’t want to end things?”
“Do I need to spell it out for you?”
“I think I’d understand it more accurately with demonstration” Magnus teased, there was left nothing in his voice that indicated the insecurity he was showing just a few moment earlier. Closing his eyes, he waited for Alec to get the hint. However, that kissed he waited for never came, but instead Alec grabbed his arm and lead him silently to where he had dropped his bow earlier.
“I’m not good with expressing myself… so I think that you are right, the best way is to demonstrate it to you.” Alec said and got a doubt confused doubt grumpy look from the shorter man. “When you returned me my bow and arrows, you asked me to keep them for you. And that night before the wedding…” He said and Magnus cocked up an eyebrow as if asking him to proceed, “You asked me to teach you how to use it. Let me teach you. These,” He pointed to the equipment laying on the ground, “Are my arms and legs, they are part of who I am… I want to let you in.” He said shorty and then something in his eyes flicked. “Stand here. Legs spread shoulder-wide.”
“Weirdly I like the tone of that…”
“Weirdly to whom?” Alec winked and right after reddish color adorned his face, “Now,” He cleared his throat and picked up the bow, “hold this…” He lead Magnus’ arms to hold the bow properly, “You need to relax to make it work.” Alec said as he place an arrow on the string and put his hand on Magnus’. “Just breath…”
Standing close behind him, Alec could feel magnus’ chest going up and down slowly, following his orders. He was beautiful. Everything about him was completely mesmerizing; the way he held himself, the way he was talking… He loved his face, he thought as he learned the other man’s profile, and he had the most interesting eyes that he had ever seen. Eyes that told a story that Alec wanted to be part of.
Distracted from what they were doing, Alec turned surprised Magnus to face him. His hands reaching to hold his face. There was so much more to what they had but to finding himself, he thought as he leaned his head down a little until his breath could stroke the older’s lips. They were so close that it hurt. The lessons could wait a little, Alec decided, getting lost in the other man’s eyes. In no time his lips found Magnus’, meeting in a hot rush of adrenaline, leaving bot restless and waiting for more. That was what he wanted for himself, that kind of happiness. And right at that moment no one could take it away from them.
The oneshot is written by me @naomibisthenextme
The GIF is not mine.