now nothing can be seen the same

Things I Try to Remember When I’m Nervous About Writing

1. Write what you want to read. 

2. There is no problem with a story so great that it cannot be fixed in revision. Keep going.

3. If your story is as uncreative as you think it is, you wouldn’t want to write it so badly. You want to write it because there’s a unique spin on it you have never seen, and want to express. Many people may write similar stories, but it’s the details that make it personal. You may not know it now, but there is someone who is looking for exactly what you’re writing. If you don’t finish it, they’ll never see it. 

4. You can write something amazing and still be met with silence. There are myriad reasons for this that have nothing to do with the quality of what you produce. 

4.1 It’s okay to repeat post your work if no one has seen it. 

4.2 It’s okay to post your work in multiple places.

5. You don’t have to agree with every criticism (but take it gracefully anyway). 

6. Most writers are scared of the same things you are.

7. Don’t judge your works in progress against the archives of finished, polished stories other writers have put together. Archives are Internet portfolios and generally don’t show all the multitude of failures, incomplete, and draft-form works those writers are also struggling with. They aren’t perfect and you don’t have to be, either. Keep working and you will have a portfolio of your own. 

8. Don’t be afraid to share your ideas with other writers. It’s not annoying as long as you’re not self-important about it. Be humble and gracious, and others will reciprocate.

8.1 You can’t write as well in a vacuum; the more people know that you are working on something, and what, the more support you will get for that work. Starting a dialogue before you post something will make it more likely people will read it when you do post it. 

9. It’s okay to take breaks. If the ideas just aren’t coming, go do something else for a while. 

10. Be kind to yourself. Don’t call yourself names. You are not a failure, or uncreative, or boring. You wouldn’t call other people those things, so don’t do it to yourself. 

I don’t know if these are helpful to other people, but they are helpful to me, so just in case, here they are!

Harry Styles Vocal Health on SNL

Hello!  So first and foremost I wan to put out there how much I love Harry and his voice.  Dear god it’s SO COOL and unique.  I love how when he’s in good vocal health he has all these different textures to it- the gruffness of his chest voice, the purity of his falsetto, the power of his belt.  When the studio version of SOTT came out I couldn’t sing his praises enough.  His voice sounded SO HEALTHY.  He was making such good choices!!!  Everything was relaxed and well supported.  He let the song build naturally.  He MUST have gotten some solid vocal training over his break because that isn’t something that can just happen over night.  I was very impressed and very proud.  I was also a bit nervous to see if these changes would hold when he started performing live….and…..it looks like I had good reason to be nervous.  

Here’s the thing. There are a few reasons I’m so hard on Harry in particular when it comes to poor technique. First, compared to the other guys, his technique is the only one that’s actually physically DAMAGING.  Could the other guys benefit from proper training?  Sure.  Of course.  Every singer can.  Even those who have been singing for years still should train on a regular basis.  But the other boys’ bad habits are just that- bad habits.  They aren’t going to do long term damage, not the way Harry’s are.    The second reason is BECAUSE I know he can do (AND HAS DONE!!!!!) so much better!!   I know he’s CAPABLE of so much more and so yeah, I’m hard on him because of that. And finally, I know exactly what he’s doing physically and exactly what’s going through his mind because I have the same exact bad habits and I can see him using the same exact thought process as to why he slips into these again.

Harry is the Ultimate Performer. He wants nothing more than to put on a good show for everyone, even if that means sacrificing his own vocal health.  Now, that’s isn’t a HUGE problem…until it KEEPS happening.  Which is what happened with OTRA.  And possibly might be happening now, although that remains to be seen.  One performance of one song slips into an entire show of this slips into two shows of this slips into the entire tour and wham, you’ve got nodes.  I think the biggest problem with Harry’s performance last night is he doesn’t trust the material or HIMSELF to sell it the way it is.  He feels he needs to overcompensate and big Big and Bold right from the start and that song is not built to be sung that way.  He started at a level that he couldn’t sustain throughout the entire thing and had nowhere to go.  That’s when he ran into trouble.  

As soon as he opened his mouth, I knew it wasn’t going to go well.  Don’t get me wrong, he sounds fantastic in the beginning…but like I said, there was nothing for him to build upon because he already started it at too high a height. His voice sounded raspy to me too, raspier than usual.  That can be caused by a few things- he could have been dehydrated (you can’t sing right if you don’t pee white!), he could have been tired (we know he’s a morning person and that show is pretty late for him), he could have strained his voice at the concert the night before, he could have over rehearsed, he could have smoked a bit.  I don’t know what the cause was, but he didn’t start off the evening in the best vocal health, especially for a song that’s very difficult to sing.  I also think he KNEW that so again, he tried to overcompensate for that by pushing.  

There is so much tension throughout his whole body, particular his shoulders on up.  I’m sure a lot of that is due to nerves.  I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again: the SNL stage is one of the hardest venues for artists to play.  There’s something particularly rough about it.  He’s also always had problems tensing up his face when he sings, but it what was particularly striking to me was that he did it during the falsetto parts.  That should have been EASY for him to sing.  That’s something light and relaxed.  Almost a break from the tension of the rest of the song…and yet he looks like he was in pain.  Which makes me wonder if he WAS in pain.  it’s hard to tell, but it almost seems like the second time he does it he pushes it more to a mix than a pure falsetto. 

It’s notable to me how relaxed the second syllable of  “bullets” around 2:44-2:48 is compared to the rest.  THAT is what the whole thing should have sounded like.  it’s relaxed and he’s got a great vibratto on it that comes straight from the diaphragm there- compare that to how tight “bullets” are the second time he sings it in that phrase at 2:58ish-3:04.  Why did you change what you were doing, sir??? In fact, to me it seemed like he KNEW it sounded good the first time and did his cute li’l dance and then came back to it feeling like “yeah I got this…” and then tightened right back up again.  because he didn’t trust himself.  

Thennnnnn the bridge happens.  And this is what i mean by he had nowhere to go.  THIS should have been his first belt it out moment.  but he pushed too hard too quickly and his voice just…wasn’t there.  It was tired.  The first scoop up to the first “we” was off key because of it and I think he knew it which made it even worse and MORE tense to the point where he just didn’t have the vocal agility to flip into his fasletto again for “learn”.  And then we’ve got the “it’s just what we know” which was just a poor choice.  I have a feeling he nailed that MULTIPLE times in rehearsals and mannnnn if he was in good vocal health how killer would that have sounded!??!!?  But instead, we got what’s called harmonic distortion which is SUPER VERY YIKESY AND A BIG SIGN OF HOLYSHITYOU’REDOINGDAMAGE (i sincerely hope he has an appointment with an ENT this week and gets scoped to check that out).   This was another instance of him trying to put on a great show and overcompensate for what he probably felt was lackluster vocals (which for the record WERE NOT THAT BAD.  I’m picking it apart because…well, it’s what I do.  and i don’t think I would have had too much of a problem if it weren’t for the super damaging choices he ended up making).  

From there he’s thinking “Oh shit that was bad…I REALLY fucked up…better step up my game and make the end better!” and once again tries to overcompensate and push a voice that’s already been pushed to the brink.  there just wasn’t more in there for it to give.  He couldn’t sustain it.  He had already given everything that there was go to give.  

When it comes to ESNY, it was a much better performance.  I think it’s partially due to the fact that it’s an easier song to sing and partially due to the fact that he was playing guitar so he wasn’t as much in his head (Side note: CAN YOU BELIEVE HE FINALLY BLESSED US WITH HIS GUITAR SKILLS?????).  His belty part towards the end wasn’t as good as it could have been, but I think that’s just due to the fact that his voice was kinda shot and that’s the best it was going to be.  It wasn’t TERRIBLE and obviously it could have been better, but I am curious to hear the studio version to see if there’s more belting that he just wasn’t comfortable with last night.  I could have done without the facial affectations because it just adds more tension and tension is bad, kiddos  But I think it’s a stylistic choice and I’m trying to pick my battles here.  Additionally, as we’ve seen in gif form his li’l neck vein was popping out so yeah he was tensing up pretty good there…but again, it wasn’t as terrible as it could have been since the song itself isn’t as taxing vocally.  

All in all, the performances were great, especially if you’re not as picky as I am. I know this was his first time singing live in well over a year and SNL is high stress and it’s his first time out there ALONE.  I’m curious to see what happens on Graham Norton and if he improves his technique. I’m also really curious to see how he’ll be on tour as well. I do wonder if he’ll lower the key of SOTT so it’s not as taxing.  No one would really notice and it would make things a little easier on him. It’s just frustrating because I know he has it in him to do it well.  We’ve HEARD him do it well.  But he just doesn’t trust himself enough to do that and that kind of breaks my heart a little.  Thankfully, he’s young and has time to learn.  He can still break these habits and make new, healthier ones and learn to trust himself more.

BUDDY.  YOU GOT THIS.  YOU HAVE AN AMAZING VOICE.  YOU ARE A FANTASTIC SONGWRITER.  YOU HAVE GREAT TECHNIQUE WHEN YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT.  YOU ARE A KILLER SHOWMAN WITH A TON OF CHARISMA.  PLEASE TRUST THESE THINGS AND STOP PUSHING YOURSELF BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU DAMAGE ANYTHING.  

Love,

B <3 

Song Analysis: What’s the Use of Feeling (Blue)?

I’ve been mulling this song over since I’d first heard it. For one, it confirms a lot of things about Homeworld and the Diamonds that I’ve been harping on for a while now. But this post isn’t a sermon about how to sympathise with the Diamonds better. I’m not too big a fan of that perspective. Rather, it’s the power that we receive when we empathise with them.

The thing about the Diamonds is that they’re all powerful, huge, and “human.” They err and have feelings, not necessarily in that order. So when they irrationally do something that hurts a lot of individuals and even entire planets, the answer isn’t to excuse them because “they’re sad.” The answer is to reach out to them in a way they understand so that they don’t do it again, and more appropriate to our context, make amends

Because the two very polar sides of “forgive” and “punish” aren’t constructive. To side with either doesn’t do justice to the people and gems who’ve already been lost or still are losing. It doesn’t make things better for anyone. 

This post will analyse the perspective Homeworld has of Earth and human beings. At the same time, the song reveals a lot about how gems view themselves and one another. I’ll round it up with how PD’s death impacted both Blue and Yellow Diamond and how their respective coping strategies led to the way things are now. And I’ll speculate on the immediate future of Earth in that regard.

So let’s get to it!

1. The song implies a falling-out among the Diamonds before PD’s shattering

Why would you want to be here? What do you ever see here
That doesn’t make you feel worse than you do? And tell me, what’s the use of feeling, Blue?

When the Steven Bomb opens in Steven’s Dream, we get a rare moment of hearing Blue’s thoughts. Bent over PD’s palanquin, she expresses deep regret. She says, “If only I had done more.” 

We know that Blue is sad over PD’s death. And we know from the first verse that visiting anything related to PD makes both surviving Diamonds uncomfortable. But we can find, within the lyrics, something specific about why instead of just sad, regret is interspersed in their mourning of PD.

In sharp contrast to Blue’s lament of wanting to do more, later on in the song, YD says, “Now there’s nothing we can do.” That implies at one point in time, the Diamonds were in a position to do something that could have prevented PD’s shattering. And they didn’t do it.

I want to bring back one of my older posts regarding the circumstances of PD’s shattering. In it, I mention that there’s been some sort of historical scrubbing of PD’s memory from Homeworld, such that only older gems are aware of her or feel any affinity for her. The Great Diamond Authority Logo, colour schemes, and even gem factions show no sign of PD’s ever existing, when this wasn’t the case for older structures on Earth. 

But in a slightly contradictory manner, we know the truth to be the opposite. The Diamonds didn’t take PD out of Homeworld’s memory because of the fight. Rather, they erased her because it hurt them personally to be reminded of her existence. 

When we look at the circumstances of their argument, there are a few theories I can posit. The main one being this: PD had an unconventional relationship with her Earth gems. I say this because now we have two Homeworld “subordinates” as examples in contrast.

I brought up before that Jasper felt a deep personal affinity for PD. And this may be even without having met her personally, even with the possibility of her being created after PD was shattered. On the other hand, Peridot and Holly Blue talk about their Diamonds with a sense of detachment. There is a great divide that Peridot puts between herself and YD. YD is perfect; she is not. YD is the most objective; that is what she aims to be. YD is a great decider; she was there to reaffirm the logic of the former’s decisions.

It’s much the same for Holly Blue. BD decides to maintain the zoo; she is grateful for the opportunity to serve. BD is arriving; she wants to assure a pleasant visit for her.

In both these cases the gems don’t feel like they’re coerced into serving their Diamonds. They openly acknowledge that because their Diamonds are superior in different (and at times all) aspects, they’re worth following. It’s very similar to idolising someone and hoping they’d mentor you, or even that you could contribute to their cause in some way. This cause being the betterment of Homeworld. 

2. PD’s close relationship with her gems

Keep reading

5

Via @lolo_5h_Lucy on IG

This theory really has me questioning everything right now. 😕 I mean why go to so much trouble to act like she was there…and before you say well it was two hours after the fact she could’ve gone to the concert and then headed to the airport. True…but was she also ranting on twitter about the injustice of american politics while she’s supposed to be at the concert or after party of her so called boyfriend. And the part about celebs not wanting to be photographed and recorded…while I agree that happens at after parties and clubs, you can’t control peoples phones at a freaking festival/music concert. And whether the crowd there knows her or not if they saw a chick hanging on Ty or hanging backstage we would’ve seen something by now. Lauren may not be well known but I’m sure most of the folks there know 5H and have at least heard of her and seen a few pics. And if they are true Ty fans then they’ve seen the rumors about him and her…so stop trying to justify why she nor him show themselves or speak when they’re supposed to be in the same place in these IG videos. And no, it has nothing to do with the hate she or he receives. Because they are both still posting shit to stir speculation, plus they can always disable comments on certain posts like Lauren did with Mani’s bday pic, so in my opinion they know exactly what they are doing the attention they garner is warranted. Smells like PR. Tell me what you guys think…

Imagine getting a role in a movie with your ex Tom and Jensen, your current boyfriend, getting jealous and worried.

Originally posted by whoeveryoulovethemost

Originally posted by maryxglz

Connected to this!

You stared at the text message in your phone for what seemed like an eternity. When you had accepted the role you never thought there would come this moment that you’d actually think you’d want to take your answer back. You always had loved acting, a little more than singing, so whenever a movie came up that you liked the script – which you really did now – and you could work in without having to leave Supernatural, you immediately accepted. Now, however you’d started having serious doubts about your decision.

Your manager had told you you were supposed to meet your costar tomorrow morning for a coffee and the two of you to talk about some scenes. He’d sent you the address today but once you spotted the name you had not been able to reply to him. You were frozen in your place.

“Baby?” you heard a voice behind you but every muscle in your body refused to move.

“Baby? (Y/n) are you alright?” the voice got closer and when you felt a hand on your shuoulder you jumped, your phone falling from your hands.

“Wh-what?” you blinked, looking up to meet your boyfriend’s worried eyes.

“I asked you if you are alright, but it’s obvious you’re not.” he said with a gentle smile, bending to pick your phone but not looking at it out of respect.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” he cupped your face as he sat in front of you on the bed.

“It’s- nothing’s wrong, you don’t have to worry.” you mumbled, avoiding to look him in the eyes.

“Princess-” he chuckled, kissing the top of your head “You’re a terrible liar, do you know that?”

“And a terrible actor?” you asked with a half smile, trying to change the subject as smoothly as you could.

“Absolutely not! Besides, I am your number one fan and you know so I guess my opinion wouldn’t matter much anyway. But-” he grinned “You’ve got two oscars and a golden globe amongst many other awards, I think that might mean you are a good actress.” he winked and you chuckled, your eyes casting down.

“I guess.” you fidgeted with yours fingers but cursed at yourself in your mind for how you were unable to come up with something else to say, since you knew Jensen would bring back the topic.

“Now-” here we go “-Are you going to tell me about it, or not? I am not pressuring you, sweetheart, but I just need to know what’s bothering you in case I can help.”

“I want to tell you Jens, but this- I don’t know how well you’d really take to it. I don’t know if you’d be able to help me to be honest… you might be too angry to.” you played with the ring in your finger.

He took hold of your hands and brought them up to kiss them, along with engagement ring “I promise, no matter what it is I am going to try my best not to get angry.” he squeezed your hands and let out a shaky breath.

“I know you won’t, Jens. I know that you’ll try your best but sometimes it’s just- things are too hard to handle and-”

“(Y/n), what’s going on? You’re starting to worry me here. Did something happen to anyone?” he frowned but you shook your head.

“No, no I swear. Don’t worry, it’s just-” you sighed, willing yourself to look him in the eyes “Remember that movie I got a part in the previous week?”

“Yeah I- I think.” he nodded his head, his green eyes baring into yours as if he was trying to study you.

“Well, my manager told me I was supposed to meet my costar tomorrow. You know the one I will be having all those not-so-appropriate scenes with?” you asked and you saw him clench his jaw and look for a minute away.

“Yeah?” his voice was more rough and you felt him squeeze your hands without realizing it. He was already mad about it, well jealous mostly but he had agreed to respect it and you because: 1) he loved you and trusted you and 2) that was your job as well as his and if you could handle seeing him with all those women Dean had then so should he.

“Well, he told me his name today. Through texts.” you let out a shaky breath.

“And?” he looked at you with a deep frown it almost reminded you of Dean for a moment.

“It’s Tom.” you breathed out as fast as you could, and for a moment he obviously didn’t get it “It’s my ex Tom.” you corrected “Tom Hiddleston.”

The moment the words left your lips you saw his back straightened and his eyebrow shot up. His lips moved just slightly but he still kept his jaw clenched. His eyes hardened and you could see that he tried to control himself just because of his promise to you, but you could also understand how hard it was for him. Other than Jensen, Tom was the other most serious relationship you’d ever had. And by that you meant engagement serious. You weren’t one to play with those things, all of your relationships had actually been serious, but when you were with Tom you actually thought he’d be the one. You still didn’t understand fully well why you actually broke up.

You were happy together, as happy as you could get at the time, and you both thought that that was going to be forever. You really thought you would never fall harder for someone else so that made getting over him even harder but when you met Jensen you really understood what love could be. Of course you never forgot about Tom, he was and would always be important to you and sometimes you wished you could still be friends. But it was nearly impossible considering the situation.

“Jens?” you whispered, tilting your head “Jens? Jensen please say something.” you gave his hand a squeeze as his hard look didn’t flatter.

“Your ex Tom?” he asked in a low, dangerously low, and rough voice.

Jensen was not one to get jealous easily, of course when he did it the cutest sight for you but when it came to Tom it all took a turn for the worse. He was jealous but no the funny or sweet and grumpy kind. It was the seriously jealous and worried kind.

“Ye-yes my ex, Tom.” you looked down with a sigh “J, I swear I had no idea it would be him. If- if I knew I- I would have probably not said yes to the movie.”

“Probably?” he frowned at you and you blinked.

“I- I mean-” you cleared your throat “Yes, Jensen probably. Just- just because of what happened between me and Tom doesn’t mean I- I will turn down a great chance in a movie.”

“(Y/n).” he pursed his lips, letting go of your hand and you let them fall on your lap.

“What Jensen?”

“He’s your ex! Your ex Tom, do you remember what happened last time you met him?”

“If you’re talking about the Con, he wasn’t flirting with me.” you rolled your eyes “I told you, that’s how he always was with me. We’ve been close even before we got together, what’s wrong with that?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, but he’s your ex (Y/n)! You- you can’t just go hav a scene with him like- like that and expect me to-”

“What? Accept it? Yeah Jensen I actually am. Look I am the one having doubts in the first place too but I can’t really believe you’re still angry about this because, and you said it, he’s my ex! I am no longer with him, I am with you and this-” you showed him the ring “Means that want to be with you forever! You are the one I chose to spend my life with, after I was with Tom, can’t you just- just try to understand that?”

“Yeah, but you had decided to spend your life with Tom once too, didn’t you?” he mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest like a sad stubborn little child.

“And it didn’t work out, but this is working out Jens! It is because I actually know it is what I want to!” you got up, getting closer to him “Jensen, baby please- I- I am having a hard time myself and despite how jealous I knew you’d be I thought that- that you’d understand me.”

“I’m- I’m sorry sweetheart, damn it I really am.” he cleared his throat, running a hand down his face “I’m just- It’s so fucking hard to when I know how much he- he actually meant to you.”he confessed, his head bowing down as he ran a hand through his hair.

“J” you whispered, taking hold of his hands and he looked at you “I know that Tom and I were- what he and I had wasdeep and it was true and important and strong and everything.” you cleared your throat when you his shoulders fall and the look on his face match that of a kicked puppy’s “But it’s over, J. It’s over, it ended because it actually wasn’t as… true as I thought, and not as strong or as important. Not as this is.” you locked fingers with his.

“Not as real as we are. Jensen, when Tom and I ended I thought I would never get over him because I really thought he was the one for me, the only one for me. But then I met you and- and I realized what love really meant. Don’t get me wrong, I- I did love, Tom. I can’t lie to you about that, and maybe I still do.” you heard him take a sharp breath and you almost felt bad “But I’m not in love with him!” yo quickly added, not over yet “I’m not in love with him because I’m in love with you. And nothing can ever change this now.”

“Not even him?” he whispered and you raised an eyebrow.

“What? Why do you think he would ever want to change this? Tom and I- it was a mutual decision to end this, he wanted it to. Why would he now-”

“(Y/n)” he cut you off gently, but his voice still was laced with pain “Have you seen the way he looks at you?” he asked, remembering the time you met at Con.

“What about the way he looks at me?” you whispered with a frown.

“It’s the exact same way I look at you. Madly in love.”

Yellow nor White didn’t shatter pink, Blue did.

So, after watching The Trial and the whole Wanted Event, i thought about something, as well noticed it. Haven’t you noticed how everyone is saying that either White or Yellow did shatter Pink Diamond? Isn’t it odd how nobody points their finger towards Blue Diamond? Today i’m going to explain why Blue is not away from suspiction.

First off, Zircons are made for the purpose of being a lawyer, either for defense or offense of somebody. Homeworld, as well, has a judgement system, showing that they’re not so direct on their punishment or assumptions, but rather judging said gem.

Now, lets begin with Zircon’s statements.

1: “Someone that had enough trust with Pink Diamond, enough for her to stop the palanquin and exit.”

2: “Somone that would be allowed to get close enough to Pink Diamond”

3: “Someone with enough authoroty to cover up, with supreme control.”

She also mentioned that Rose couldn’t get to Pink with ease, as her Agates would had fought back, the Sapphires could had predicted Rose’s arrival and even, Pink Diamond’s Pearl would had warned her in case Rose was going to attack. And to add, Pink Diamond’s attendance towards such event, wouldn’t she notice Rose Quartz approaching?

Analyzing the Diamonds, we’ve seen the different traits from both Blue and Yellow. Yellow seems as a impatient, temperamental, on-point individual. While Blue seems as a Depressive, Direct, Cold individual. Why cold, you may ask? Here, think about this for a second:

  • During Message Received, Peridot after going against her Diamond’s orders, Yellow. She got several chances to redeem herself and do the correct thing to her Diamond’s wishes.

  • While on The Answer, after Garnet being formed for the first time, and also showing fusion between two kinds of gems, it was different. Ruby was only doing her job as a bodyguard of Sapphire, she protected the one she was ordered to. And now more important, that fusion happened on accident. Now, after unfusing and taking the blame, Blue Diamond didn’t show any kind of compassion nor mercy towards Ruby, acting cold towards what happened; inmediatly telling the gem she will get shattered, no redemption, no judging. She was being totally cold with her.

Something else to point out, would be Blue’s strange ability to cry almost instantly, with ease and no trouble. As well her mood swings from getting very serious to extremely sad in a matter of seconds, nothing wrong, right? After The Trial, we’ve seen that both Diamonds have different abilities, while Yellow’s a laser attack, capable of poofing gems instantly (like a gem desestabilizer would, on the same fashion.) and cutting through walls without trouble, Blue has a more intriguing, interesting one.

Her ability (fanon name for now) being called Sadness Aura, she used this ability on accident after yelling at Steven it was not the breaking point, but a sword what shattered Pink Diamond. Now, if we make a connection, it wouldn’t be so crazy to think she can apply this ability on herself; the aura made everyone in the room cry, including Yellow. So, that would mean Blue can use this ability to either cry or get sad on a matter of seconds.

If you remember correctly, Yellow has shown several traits of disliking the events connecting to Pink, such as the Earth, Rose Quartzes in bubbles, Rose Quartz leader of the rebellion, The human zoo and the most important of all, Pink Diamond’s death. On “That will be all”, during her song she almost had a emotional breakdown, very unlikeable of her to happen.

1: What if she wanted to destroy the earth because it reminded her of Pink Diamond?

2: What if the Rose Quartzes also reminded her of Pink Diamond and made Yellow feel guilty for what happened, because she didn’t stop it on time?

3: What if she despises Rose Quartz because of the rebellion and if it wasn’t for her, Pink would still be alive?

4: What if the human zoo also reminded her of Pink Diamond? “Why keep up a silly, zoo oh tell me!” Yellow Diamond during “What’s the use of feeling blue”.

Yellow Diamond only wants to get rid of it all because she guilts herself for what happened, because she didn’t do something on time, because she was not strong enough to protect Pink. If you think about it, its a realistic thing someone would do, try to get rid of everything reminding you of a already passed away loved one. Yellow shuts her feelings because she has to be a leader, because she knows that if she opens up, she couldn’t stop after doing so. She would be called weak, sentimental, etc.

So, now reaching the icing of the cake; what this whole theory is mainly going to talk about.

Blue Diamond was the one who shattered Pink Diamond.

Think of it, she enters the three main subjects stated by Zircon.

1: Blue Diamond has confessed she had a strong, close and tight relationship with Pink, enough to be trusted by her and her soldiers.

2: She was trusted enough by her soldiers, so she could get close enough to Pink and convice the Diamond to stop and step out of the palanquin.

3: She has Supreme Authoroty, capable of covering up the events and tossing all the blame on Rose Quartz, Leader of the Rebellion. It was a smart move from her, using Rose Quartz as the dummy or the one to be blamed.

Blue Diamond could be acting it all, she knows what she has done and stays silent about it. The grieving, the sadness, the depression, the preserving of Pink Diamond’s legacy. It all is a cover, it all is an act of hers to convince everyone it was Rose Quartz and not her.

Now, about Yellow Diamond’s attitude during The Trial, i can answer that. She was only staying true to her Character, impatient and temperamental. She was constantly rushing to shatter Rose because of her On-Point personality, as well it could have been her impatience.

Getting pointed at for Pink Diamond’s death only stirred her up totally, more that what Peridot managed to do by calling her a clod back on “Message Recieved”.

Blue Diamond’s choice of words totally torn apart the merciful, giving nature reputation she has gained. “I want to know what she thinks we’re going to do with her, because i’m going to do something worse.” Not merciful at all, isn’t it?

Other subject, stated by Bismuth on her episode: Rose Quartz’s sword was made to specifically destroy a physical form instantly. But never damage the gem, the fact Steven brought up the breaking point subject was logical, the only thing known on the series to be able to shatter a gem instantly.

While Blue said it was sword, contradicting what Bismuth has said.

And to topic off, Blue Diamond arguing with Yellow Diamond was to keep her curtain on, did you notice her surprise when Zircon pointed at the Diamonds? She might had realized it, her massive plan was discovered by one gem, a Zircon. She realized her action didn’t stay hidden totally.

Why Blue Diamond did it? There might be several reasons. The one that is true might never be known, but personally i think she did it because of jealously, everyone had/shows a love for the passed away Pink Diamond. She was jealous of this, she was jealous of Pink Diamond’s reputation, court, power, etc. And to act it all out, she grieves her. To make everyone believe she’s free of guilty.

If you’re at the bottom of this, thank you very much for reading!

I never thought we’d see the day.

I had hoped, as I’m sure many others had, that one day we might be lucky enough to see it,

but all the same, nothing could have prepared me,


for this.

OH MY FREAKING GOD

GAARA’S TUMMY!

Dead, I am dead, I’m dying, I’m dying. I. am. dead.

(Shippuden Episode 497)

Iroha Poem
いろは歌 (いろはうた)

いろは (Iroha) was a poem written during the Heian Era (794-1185). The poem contains every kana (あいうえお etc..) from that time period with no repetitions.

Because of this unique feature, the poem was used as a way to order the Japanese kana until the 19th century when it was replaced by the 五十音 (gojūon) order. So before there was あいうえお (a i u e o), there was いろはにほへと (i ro ha ni ho he to).

Even today, you might come across the Iroha order as it’s still used in some instances. Also, the word いろは in modern times can be used to mean “ the ABC’s” or “the basics”. 

FYI
The poem above is the archaic version, which uses archaic hiragana.
ゐ is pronounced as wi
ゑ is pronounced as we

The modern version of this poem uses both kanji and hiragana as seen below.

色は匂へど
散りぬるを
我が世誰ぞ
常ならん
有為の奥山
今日越えて
浅き夢見じ
酔ひもせず

And now for the English translation! I found so many different versions online. They all mean about the same thing, but the words can vary. I’ve listed two for comparison.

The color and fragrance of flowers fade away from our world,
where nothing lasts forever.
Though mortal existence seems to tower over us like a mountain,
cross over it now
and overcome its temptations and illusions.

Even the blossoming flowers
Will eventually scatter
Who in our world
Is unchanging?
The deep mountains of karma
We cross them today
And we shall not have superficial dreams
Nor be deluded.



Didn’t I tell you?

He doesn’t usually take his time getting ready, he doesn’t tend to drag things along and pace around the bedroom unless he’s nervous about something; there’s something running through Harry’s mind as he sits on the bed trying to fix his tie. 

With a heavy huff, his hands drop to his lap, a few muttered words escaping his lips.

“What’s the matter? You’ve been edgy all day.” You softly request, placing your hands to his tie and helping him out. With cold hands, you knot his tie flawlessly, graciously adjusting his shirt as well.

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2

Disclaimer:  Gordon Ramsay as represented in this fic is a representation of the exaggerated character he portrays on reality television, and is by no means meant to be Gordon Ramsay himself.

Gif source:  Gordon

Imagine working for one of the owners on Kitchen Nightmares and you wind up getting fired despite being a great waitress who did her best and Gordon is completely on your side and gives you a job in one of his restaurants. 

——— Request for anon ———

“You know what? You’re fired!” your heart drops at the angry words that leave your boss’ mouth after you had told him what you thought was wrong with the business, “You don’t know what you’re talking about and all you’re doing is poisoning my restaurant!”

“That’s not true!” you defend yourself.

“Are you deranged?” Gordon cuts in, getting in the owner’s face, “How do you expect for any one of your employees to have open and honest communication with you with the constant threat of losing their job? If you don’t start listening, I swear to God, I’m fucking out of here, because there’s nothing I can do to help you!”

“Get out of my fucking face! You know what, get out of my restaurant! I can’t deal with this right now,” the owner cracks, storming off from where you and the rest of your now ex-coworkers had been huddled for the staff meeting Gordon had called. You were on the brink of tears, knowing that your termination had been for real because you had seen your boss fire plenty of people in the past in the same manner.

“What a fucking fruitcake,” Gordon huffs, turning with a sigh to see you just as the tears start to fall. “Oh, don’t cry, my darling.”

“I was barely able to pay my bills already! Now I’m unemployed,” you gasp out, the stress and worry of the past months bubbling over now that you’d been fired.

“Come, come,” Gordon herds you away from the other employees, exiting the restaurant to speak with you privately, though the cameras follow you to catch the footage for Kitchen Nightmares. Sometimes you wished they would go away. Your shoulders shook as you cried, wiping your eyes as Gordon continued, “I told you before we started the meeting that I’d have your back, and I meant it. How about you come work for me, instead?”

Jilted Part Two (John Laurens x Reader)

Masterlist 

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Warnings- This fic is extremely triggering. There is major angst and anger. There’s violence. There is hella drinking. There’s sorta self harmish vibes. There’s rape. There’s cheating. There’s a thousand swear words. 

A/N- ( Boyo am I sorry)

Song- Space – Ally Hills 

Words- 6,615

What does someone do when their world crashes around them? When life throws punches at them while their hands are tied behind their back? Do they break so entirely that they don’t think they’ll ever be whole again? It’s nice to think that you could never let one person or their actions affect you so deeply, but it’s never quite that easy, is it?

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Safe x Bellamy Blake

Originally posted by beliamyblakes

requested by anon ; Hi, I would like to request a bellamy x reader image in which the reader gets kidnapped by grounders. you can choose what is happening. thx! ^^ ; i hope you like it! since i’m not really sure about it haha! 

When the night falls over Arkadia, everybody is immediately on their last nerve. Or that’s how it seems. [Y/N] hated to be on night watch, but unfortunately she had to from time to time.
‘You on night watch tonight?’ Bellamy asked her, when she walked past him in the hall.
‘Yeah, how do you know?’ [Y/N] frowned.
‘I see how nervous you get,’ he smiled. ‘It will be okay.’
‘Yeah, you’re not the one that has to stand there in the dark while you can get hit by an arrow any second. I seriously don’t get how we ever made an agreement with those grounders.’ She sighed, softly shaking her head.
[Y/N] didn’t really liked the grounders. They had killed her best friend in the first week they had landed on Earth, and she had loathed them ever since.
‘[Y/N], relax,’ Bellamy smiled again, softly placing his hand on her shoulder. ‘You won’t be alone. How about I join you tonight?’
‘You really don’t have to …’ [Y/N] started, but she didn’t want to say no.
‘I know I don’t, but I’ll be there, okay?’ Bellamy gave her one last smile and then walked away again.
[Y/N] took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a second and then started to walk again, too.

The dark surrounded [Y/N], while she held her gun close to her body, ready to shoot at any movement in the woods.
‘You’re so tense,’ Bellamy laughed, making [Y/N] jump up and aim the gun at him. But as soon as she saw it was him, she relaxed.
‘Sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘It’s just, I don’t want the same to happen to me like …’ She didn’t had to finish that sentence, because Bellamy knew what she meant.
‘I know,’ he whispered. ‘But it won’t, I promise. We can defense ourselves so much better now. We have guns, a wall, trained soldiers here with us.’
‘We do, but still …’ she sighed, and looked at the forest. ‘Did you see that?’ She quickly turned back around to Bellamy.
He looked behind her into the forest, but shook his head.
‘No, there’s nothing there.’
‘There is!’ She fired back, looking again. She swore she had seen a movement in the dark bushes. She held up her gun, ready to fire, but Bellamy stopped her.
‘Don’t fire if you don’t have to,’ he warned her. [Y/N] lowered her gun, still standing by her statement that she had seen something.
She was so sure, that she started to climb down the watch tower, so she could check for herself.
‘[Y/N], what are you doing?’ Bellamy whispered-shouted from up the watch tower. But she ignored him and kept on going towards the gate, where she was greeted by another guard. As soon as she reached for the gate, the guard stopped her.
‘What are you doing?’ He asked, firmly holding her wrist.
‘I saw something,’ [Y/N] said. ‘Someone’s out there, watching us.’
‘Then why didn’t any of the other guards say anything?’ He didn’t believe her, he made that clear by asking that question.
‘I don’t know!’ [Y/N] sighed in frustration. Just let me through so I can check for myself.’
‘I can’t let you through, you know that,’ the guard said back, shaking his head.
‘Just let her through, I’ll go with her,’ Bellamy said from behind them. [Y/N] refused to turn around and look at him, but kept eyeing the guard, who eventually gave in and opened up the gate. [Y/N] immediately walked out, her gun ready, while carefully scanning the area.
‘There’s nothing here, [Y/N]. Let’s just go back, c’mon.’
[Y/N] sighed, looked one last time and then turned around.
But that’s where she made a mistake. Well, maybe her first mistake had been going outside the gate.
Before she could yell or defend herself in anyway, someone grabbed her from behind, covering up her mouth, and pulling her arms back. She was pulled into the dark night, and the last thing she saw was Bellamy desperately trying to grab her, before he was pulled back by the guard at the gate.

It was a nightmare, being locked up in a dark hole, having no clue if it was day or night, how many hours, maybe even days had passed. She didn’t see anyone, had no idea where she was, what they wanted and even who took her. She wished she had listened to Bellamy, had said, ‘you’re right’, and who would’ve known what would have happened.
[Y/N] was on the edge of dehydration, and it felt like her stomach was glued to her back. How long had she been in here? Every time she opened her eyes again, she felt worse and worse, and was starting to fear that if she would close them again, it would be for the last time.
And right at the moment that she had lost all hope of her friends ever finding her, the door opened up, voices filling the room, her chains loosening up. She was pulled up, given a cup of water that she eagerly drank. But still her mind was fuzzy.
‘You’re safe.’ She heard him say, and she knew who had said it. Bellamy. He had found her after all.
He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her as close as possible, while he explained what had happened, how the grounders had took her, because they claimed we had broken their trust by crossing their land. It had been a stupid misunderstanding. Bellamy promised her it would be okay, that she was safe now.
And all [Y/N] could do was believe him, as she did feel safe in his arms.

Technical Writer Gothic
  • Quickly scanning through the document you’re working on, you notice some of the bulleted lists start with icons you’ve never seen before. When you scroll back up to check, the bullets have turned back into standard black dots. Sleep deprivation? A new bug with the authoring tool? You shrug and go back to writing.
  • Yesterday when you opened the style guide, it was time-stamped “Last update: July 31 2019″. Today it’s time-stamped “Last update: February 2015″. Your copy of the style guide is a static file that isn’t shared on the network.
  • You get a document back from tech review. The history shows that no one actually opened or reviewed it, same as usual. Every other page of the document now has a faint digital watermark applied to the background. You can’t make out what the watermark is, and nothing is the document settings can make it easier to see.
  • You receive an automated response mail from Help Desk saying “Your concern has been logged.You will be contacted by a representative”. You didn’t send a help request for anything. 
  • The Sun Valley conference room is always listed as Room Booked in the scheduling app. You’ve never seen any meetings  in there. Sometimes the presentation monitor flickers on and off, incomprehensible graphs from Powerpoint scrolling across the screen. 
  • What does the code sample in this topic actually do? You can’t get it to run. None of your devs or testers can get it to run. But you’ve tried deleting the sample from the topic, and it always reappears.
Ima tell y'all right now why it's so damn important to read

Yea you can copy and paste all you want, messages or responses you’ve seen other sex workers/sugar babies write to their clients/daddies but what do you think is gonna happen you come face to face with a POT and you sound NOTHING like how you’ve been writing to him??? Or he’s already seen or heard the exact same thing before????

If you want to succeed, you’ve gotta read!!!!!!!!!! It’ll help you figure how or what (fancy) words to put together so when you’re writing on your own you don’t sound like you just traveled from the 15th century or worse…. like you’ve clearly plagiarized someone else’s shit.

Even with regular writing you have to do for your job or school: for me, I fucking DESPISE writing essays but I’ll be gotdamned if I can’t write some good shit (or go wayyyyyy past the amount of writing required) because I’ve been obsessed with reading since middle school. Even tho college kind of fucked up my flow, I’m getting back on track.

Point is, I’m telling y'all because I’ve been noticing this myself: you can use the responses you see as templates but make sure you’re turning it into something that’s authentically coming from YOUUUU. You’ll feel like less of a fraud, trust me.

I did miss you - Neymar

Heyyyyy this is a new Neymar Imagine. I hope you like this guys x Also sorry if you’re waiting for a request it’s taking me while at the moment I’m sorry x 

Originally posted by culed

“Miss? there’s someone there for you“ my assistant Jaclyn told me as her red curls pecked in my room.

I looked up from my computer where I had worked on for the past hours and furrowed my eyebrows together slightly. Who could that be? It wasn’t like I was expecting someone nor did anyone I knew cam here at that time of the day.

„Alright let them in“ I said and she nodded as soon as she left my room again.

I sighed and shut my laptop down, waiting for the mysterious stranger who was disturbing me at my researching. I looked up again as the door opened and no one else then Neymar walked in. I pressed my lips together. My assistant nodded at me and closed the door behind him. Neymar sat down on one of the chairs in front of me. As I observed him in detail, he looked a lot different from the last time I had seen him. He looked more matured somehow, he had a beard growing even through it may have only been a few days since. I haven’t seen him in a good year and even through it may have only been a few months it felt an eternity.

„hey“ he said and gave me a smile, showing his perfect white teeth, which reminded me exactly why I haven’t seen him in so long.

Neymar and me had been dating, for years until we decided to end it. I had suffered a lot after the break up but i knew it was for the best. we both had changed, we grew into different people and as much as we still loved each other our both persons weren’t compatible anymore. He had changed, the fame, new friends and the media changed him, so he was a different person. So I was still in love with him, but the person I was in love with wasn’t the same who stood in front of me, who I slept in the same bed with, who I lived together with, anymore.

„Hey“ I said and gave him a small smile.

I didn’t really knew what he wanted here to be honest. We haven’t broken up in a fight or discussion or anything but we weren’t exactly friends either. So I haven’t seen him since, at least not face to face, I saw him on the news and still saw some of his games at camp nou, I had always been a barca fan. But I just haven’t seen him since I had left his apartment that morning.

„How are you doing? I haven’t seen you in so long“ he said.

„What are you doing here?“ I asked, not answering his question.

„I just wanted to see how you were doing“ he said and shrugged with his shoulders.

„How I’m doing?“ I asked skeptically.

„Of course“ he said as if it were nothing.

„But why right now? I haven’t seen you in forever“ I said.

„Thats why, i was just wondering how you were doing, if you’re still living here, still working for the same place“ he said and shrugged, and if it wouldn’t be under such weird circumstances I would have smiled and tell him how sweet it was from him.

„Well i’m doing just great. As you can see I’m still working here and I got a promotion.“ I said, I didn’t wanted to be mean, but I just didn’t get why he was here. We haven’t seen each other in so long and I don’t get why he was now randomly appearing again.

„I’m glad you’re doing great“ he said and I just nodded.

„So you maybe wanna grab lunch or something?“ he asked, clearly nervous.

„Neymar. Why are you here? After all this time. Why are you here right now? Only to ask me how I’m doing?“ I asked and he looked down in his lap, not once looking up at me.

„I missed you okay? I haven’t seen you in almost a year and I thought it would get better that the feeling of missing you would fade, but do you wanna know what? It only gets worse. I miss you. And I know it’s been a while since we talked and saw each other but I really fucking miss you“ he said and I thought my heart would explode at any second at how fast it was beating, I didn’t expect such an outburst of feelings from him he was never so sure of his feelings and it was hard for him to put them into words.

I opened my mouth but closed it again, how should I answer to that? He fucking missed me.

And as much as I always told myself I was over him and I was doing fine without him, that he didn’t mean anything to me anymore, I knew I was only kidding myself, he was still so important to me and of course I missed him, of course I did. i wasn’t the same without him and all those months felt like a bad dream.

„And I know the reasons we broke up. God do I know. I do realize that I changed and that fame changed me. i do realize that. But the time without you that’s what changed me most“ he said and the tears that had welled up in my eyes were now spelling out of my eyes one by one.

Neymar got out of his seat and walked around the table to kneel down in front of me. He wiped my tears away quickly, as he cupped my face with his hands.

„I did miss you too“ I whispered.

And i couldn’t help the tears that were streaming down my cheek as he held my face in his hands. All this months I kept my feelings towards him aside, I never realized how much I missed him and how good it felt to be with him again.

„can we please try again? I need you in my life“ he said as he wiped all the tears away.

„don’t let me go, ever again“ i said and a small smile grew on his lips.

„i won’t“ he said as he leaned in and pressed his lips on mine softly. I kissed him back and sighed, god did i miss him. and god did this feel like coming home.

CS FF: Screw Superstition

Summary: Killian regrets insisting he spend the night before their wedding apart from Emma and she regrets letting him walk out the door.  After hours of yearning for each other and getting no sleep, they seek each other out.

Rating: PG

Note: I’m really hoping we get a scene with Emma and Killian before their wedding.  Would love to see something like this.  Hope you enjoy it!  ~Steph

…Screw Superstition: Part 1/1…

“Bloody hell,” Killian groaned, as he turned in bed for what seemed like the thousandth time in the last three hours.  

He finally settled on his back, staring up at the ceiling of his captain’s quarters.

“What the devil was I thinking insisting I spend the night apart from Emma?  I must have been mad,” he muttered.

They had been separated too many times already.  When Killian returned this last time, he swore he would never again spend a night away from Emma.  But he had wanted to honor the traditions of this realm.  David had told him about this particular one.  Now, Killian wondered if he was simply trying to prevent him from sleeping with his daughter one last time before they were married.

He knew they didn’t need anymore bad luck or to tempt fate, but he also knew that they were fated to be together.  In his heart, he knew nothing could stop that.

But spending the night away from his bride-to-be was proving easier said than done.  He could no longer sleep without Emma by his side.  He had grown accustomed to the weight of her head on his chest, her fingers entwined with his.  He reveled in the feel of her leg tangled around his own.  He loved the way her body fit perfectly against his and how his arm felt wrapped around her.  And he loved waking up and looking into her beautiful eyes.  He adored seeing her smile, a smile only he could garner.  It all brought him comfort and peace.  

Of course, he also missed making love to her.  But it wasn’t about the sex.  He missed the way they connected on every level when they joined as one.

Killian squeezed his eyes closed, willing the morning to come so he could marry his true love and never have to spend another night away from her.

Emma let out a long sigh as she stared at the vacant spot beside her.   She hadn’t been able to sleep a wink in three hours.  She ran her hand across the spot Killian normally occupied, smiling at how the mattress dipped down a little where he usually lay.  Her hand moved to his pillow, sweeping across it.  She pulled it close to her body, bringing it to her nose.  She smiled at his scent that lingered on it.  

This is what she had done while they were parted.  She held his pillow close and tried to imagine it was him.  She swore she would never again spend a night away from him once they were reunited.

Emma had never been a good sleeper, not even as a kid.  She would toss and turn and wake every couple of hours.  She could never seem to turn off her mind to get a proper night’s rest.  

And once she became the savior, it only got worse.  Her dreams were plagued by villains and monsters.  Her mind was tortured by frightening uncertainties.  The burden of being the savior plagued her.

But then Killian moved in with her.  She would curl up next to him and he would stroke her hair and whisper comforting words in her ear.  He made her feel safe and calm and at peace.  For the first time in her life, she got restful nights of sleep, despite her uncertain future.  He did that for her and she knew he always would.

Emma squeezed her eyes closed and pulled the pillow closer to her.  God, how she wished he was here now.

One hour later, Killian threw back the covers and jumped out of bed.  

“To hell with superstition,” he grumbled, as he quickly dressed and climbed above deck.

An hour later, Emma tossed the pillow beside her and crawled out of bed.

“Screw superstition,” she said, as she hastily threw on her clothes.

Keep reading

Confession

I really am the most boring person, nothing really interests me. I’ve always wanted to travel as a kid and now I’m older I’m finally able to afford to see places I’ve never seen before. But when I do go I’m actually so bored and think everything is overrated. It’s the same with other things (hobbies etc), I really try to put myself out there to explore new things but everything is so blah to me. How can I be bored of life at only 23?

This Isn't A Pretty Disorder

It’s ironic, really, how we all talk about looking better, getting skinnier, looking prettier
As if bones could brush beauty onto now protuding cheekbones the same way blush, or nutrition does.
And it’s ironic how it’s seen as a vain disorder when we hate everything the mirror shows.
I’ve spent more nights crying myself to sleep than I can count
Tracing the slender shapes of thinspo bodies on my phone screen
Making meal plans and finding low cal recipes,
Cutting and slicing angry red lines onto my legs…
And yet I’m still here. Fat. Nothing changes and it’s probably my fault.
You start to isolate yourself because you can’t stand your body
The thought of anyone seeing the chub or the extra fat is nothing short of mortifying.
Sex will become a way to burn calories and you’ll spend most of it obsessing over the way your body looks
When your partner tells you he loves you, you’ll think of every reason why he shouldn’t.
You’ll want to say “but I’m fat” but you’ll bite your tongue.
And the worst part is nothing has changed. I am fat. Still fat. Objectively fat not even my own opinion, I actually am, even after all this time.
It’s not worth it.

zen-harunyandere  asked:

Hey can I have request abt zen x mc when MC got an accident and ends up coma about several years? And then when she woke up she's surprised it's already several years since she sleep? Hurt/comfort ends up fluff ❤ ty!

I hope I did well, I don’t think its what you had in mind, sorry.


The bone chilling call Zen received one day could make any grown man fall to his knees. It takes a sick kind of world to dangle love in front of someone so gullible then rip it away in seconds. 

He was told you were in a car accident, a severe one that could cost you your life, and were currently being transported to the hospital. When Zen arrived he caught a glimpse of your body before he went into emergency surgery. 

You looked like something out of a horror film, he almost threw up at the sight of your bloodied and mangled body. His body shook violently as he took a seat in the waiting area and notified the rest of the RFA members. 

Your surgery took 8 hours, it was long and tiring but Zen stayed awake and alert for every second, thinking of nothing except your smiling face calling out to him. He almost missed the doctor standing in front of him, telling him the situation.

“I’m sorry, but it seems MC has fallen into a coma, there’s no telling how long it is until they wakes up, right now all we can do is make them comfortable" 

Zen had never felt so conflicted in his life, he was relieved that you weren’t dead, but at the same time you weren’t conscious. He’d read play scripts about these scenarios, and he’d seen so many movies about it that it seemed almost like staged programme. 

Jumin made preparations to get you a private room with the best care money could buy, Zen didn’t even bother refusing his help since everything was for you. Once he was allowed to see you, he sat next to the bed and held your bruised hand, looking at your chest as it peacefully rose and fell. He watched you sleep, and he waited for your return.

And he waited

 

And he waited

Six months had passed and you hadn’t shown any signs of waking up. Zen was a little distraught, and was more likely to lash out at one of the RFA members if they told him that perhaps he should get on with life. It wasn’t until he had a long talk with Jumin and Jaehee over group chat that he realised he had to keep going for you, and that didn’t necessarily mean he had to say goodbye to you.

A year passed and he was back on track, with a small side quest added into his daily missions. Everyday he found a way to make time to see you, to hold your hand and to tell you about what had happened during his day. Before he left the room he always kissed your head, told you he loved you and said goodbye. 

A little over two years had passed, and Zen still kept up the same routine, everyone left him alone to do his own thing. Jumin had enough money to keep you going for many more years, so he didn’t mind paying for your room and constant care. He couldn’t do much to comfort Zen, so he hoped this would suffice. 

One afternoon, Zen was telling you about how Seven had fooled Yoosung again- “That poor boy is so gullible! Twenty-three years old and he’s still falling for Sevens pranks!”- when you had squeezed his hand.

For a second Zen thought he was dreaming, he froze solid and stared at you with hawk-like eyes, watching and waiting for another reaction.

Your eyelids shifted

 

You made a groaning noise

 

Your body moved

 

Zen all but screamed as you slowly, but surely, came too. Your eyes opened slowly fluttered open, and shut, and the process repeated. 

Doctors came in and began to ask questions and shine lights in your eyes, but for the first few days you weren’t responsive. You mumbled incoherently and only rarely squeezed your hands or moved your body. 

On the third day, however, you sat up. You sat up and looked around at your surroundings, noting the IV in your arm and the very expensive looking hospital room. 

You sifted through your brain to find information on how you’d gotten here, but the last thing you remembered was seeing a text from Zen and smiling at it as it read a few simple words. 

‘Have a beautiful day! I love you’

 

You smiled at the memory and looked down to see Zen’s head was resting on your hospital bed. You raised a slightly shaky hand and ran your fingers through his soft hair. He stirred and opened his eyes, sitting up slowly and looking into your eyes. 

“Hel-” You didn’t even get a word out, Zen suddenly leaped forward and brought you into a soul-healing hug. He cried in your arms, telling you how much he loved you and missed you. You laughed at his behavior, why was he so emotional?

“Zen, why did you miss me so much? How long was I out?” You asked, pulling him back to look him in the eyes. The dread in his eyes made your smile fade. “Zen?”

“MC, you were out for two and a half years” you blinked, you shook your head and leaned back from him.

“Wait, wait, two years?” Your voice cracked slightly on the last word, Zen was still crying, but he nodded. 

You felt a little dizzy, and sick, and astonished. Two and a half years? What had you missed? Zen had waited so long, to be by your side? What was happening in the RFA? Why were you here? What happened to you?

“Are you okay MC?” Zen asked softly, you turned to him before pulling him towards you and giving him the longest, most passionate kiss you’d ever shared. You pulled back and looked into his eyes, smiling as you memorized his features. 

“Did you.. I mean, have you found someone else?” You asked him, slowly taking your hands away. But he didn’t let you, he grabbed your hands and pulled you closer. 

“Of course not MC, I love you so much, I’d wait until the end of the world for you” Tears welled in your eyes as you hugged each other tightly, enjoying each other’s (conscious) company. 

He told you about the accident, and it terrified you to think you were almost killed, and how horribly you’d been damaged in the crash. You began to cry, you were so scared and you felt so horrible for making Zen wait for you for two years, even though it wasn’t something under your control.

“It’s okay MC” Zen said, shushing you. “I’ll be beside you during everything, I promise, I love you so much”

“I love you too, Zen” you replied, smiling and cuddling with him on the strangely larger than normal bed, which you had suspected was Jumin’s doing. 

The healing process was long, and sometimes it felt too painful to go through all of the medical work, but with Zen by your side it made everything worth it.

The rest of the RFA were happy to see your return, and after you had gotten caught up with what was going on in the world, you and Zen resumed your lives, happily and lovingly. 

cockyblake  asked:

RIGHT BUILD UP IS GREAT ALMOST AS IMPORTANT AS THE ACTUAL KISSING (ALMOST) BUT DAMN I WANTED HEAVILY DETAILED LIPS PARTING, TONGUES COLLIDING, TASTING THE OTHERS MOUTH TYPE OF SHIT

FINE HERE ARE 5 DIFFERENT KISSES. WOW. 

  • They have been inseparable and it can’t last. So Clarke walks him to the gate hand twitching next to his and once he’s pulled his pack onto his shoulder she leans in. It’s a little off centre and slightly wobbly. She’s on her tip toes. And he doesn’t respond straight away so she pulls back but before she gets far he’s got his free arm around her back kissing her firmly back. The gates open before they can do much more but it’s enough to keep them both going till he gets back. 
  • It’s heated and brutal. He doesn’t listen to her and it’s frustrating. And when he tries to persuade her again that risking his life is the best course of actions she flips. She pushes him up against the wall of the room. The metal walls echoing the slam and kisses him hard. Tugs his neck. Tugs him closer to her. He pulls back when neither of them can breathe. Hand on her thigh and back. “Clarke” he huffs asking for and explanation. “I can’t loose you” She answers. 
  • Bellamy kisses her in the middle of a battle. She run out of ammo and the last she saw of him was the end of his gun knocking the enemy out. Then he appears at her shoulder, pulls her behind a defence and kisses her. It’s quick and sharp and her eye barely have time to close before he’s gone. Gun over the edge. She can’t tell if she’s dead or dreaming. But either way she wants him to do that again. 
  • “Blake” “Griffin” seem to be the most words they’ve spoken to each other. So when Bellamy makes his way on the dance floor directly to Clarke she’s a bit shocked. The rest of their friends are gone and it’s just them. He’s behind her. Pressed into her. And she’s pressing right back. His first kiss is on her shoulder. The her neck. Then when she loops an arm around to guide his lips to hers she feels sparks. The heat of the club lost now into the heat of the kiss. It’s sloppy and the angle is uncomfortable. But she doesn’t stop. Just turns to face him and kisses him harder. 
  • It’s been 6 god damn years and now he’s standing on the other side of the clearing as if nothing had happened. She can barely tell he’s older. That she hasn’t seen him in so long because it feels the same. It feels like it use to feel when she saw him. Her heart rate is fast and she feels the smile on her face. As soon as he smiles back at her. Breathes her name she’s jumping over to him. She’s in his arms, feet off the floor and his hands pulling her up. It’s quick and sweet and pure joy. That’s their first kiss. She doesn’t even notice it’s happened to wrapped up in breathing him in. To wrapped up in finally being home.