Hold me tight -Tom Holland
A/N: This is some angsty shit because I feel that way lately. It has a fluffy ending though! Hope you like it? Enjoy!!
You came home to Toms apartment and unlocked the door with the key he had given you five months into your relationship. You closed the door behind you and kicked your shoes off before taking your jacket off and wandering to the kitchen. You opened a cupboard and took a glas out to pour yourself some water. After you emptied the glass you leaned against the counter and looked out the window. It was a rainy thursday afternoon, the clouds were blocking the sun and it was very grey and depressing outside. You let out a sigh and put your glas into the sink.
“Hey.” The voice of Tom made you jump and you pressed your palm against your chest and closed your eyes.
“Shit. You scared me.” you said and opened up your eyes to look at him.
“Sorry.” he apologized and walked over to you. He put his hands on your hips and was about to lean down but you pushed him gently away.
“I’m - going to take a shower.” you said and he furrowed his brows not understanding why you were so cold to him.
“Are you okay?” he asked, concern showing in his features.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” you said and walked past him.
“Are you sure?” he asked again and you rolled your eyes.
“I’m fine.” you said, now annoyance echoing in your voice and he decided to let it go.
After you took a shower, you did not go back into the living room. You went into the bedroom and laid down while scrolling through your phone.
Tom was really confused why you were not talking to him but he also did not want to push you even though he was concerned. After two hours he finally pealed himself off the couch and walked over to his bedroom to check on you. There you were, lying on your side, legs pulled up to your chest, one hand under your head and the other one holding your phone. You didn’t even look up when Tom came in and kept your eyes fixed on the phone.
“Hey, uh…Do you want to eat something? We could order in?” he offered but you shook your head. He furrowed his brows and leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms infront of his chest.
“Alright. What’s going on? What happened?” he finally asked and was growing impatient with every second now.
“Can you atleast look at me while we’re talking?” he said a little angry and you looked over your phone into his eyes.
“What?” you asked and he let his arms fall to his sides.
“I want you to tell me what is going on.” he said and you sighed while sitting up.
“And I told you: Nothing. Why can’t you let it go?”
“I can’t because you are spreading negativity. If you would talk to me we could solve it and go back to normal. I’m tired of having to pull everything out of you,” he said and ran his fingers desperatly through his hair.
“Then don’t!” you finally yelled and got up from the bed.
“I’m trying to keep to myself so I don’t spread my mood but you keep digging and digging. I’m feeling down, okay? I feel worn out. Maybe I’m depressed I don’t know. I feel anxious and stressed out because I have this feeling that I can’t handle the stuff that is going on in my life right now. Can you help me with any of this?” you asked, your voice shaking and your hands thrown into the air.
“No, you can’t,” you added when he didn’t speak up and let your hands fall to your sides.
“And that’s why I keep it to myself. Most of the time I can handle it but sometimes I can’t. And that’s when I need my space so I can work on it without affecting anyone around me.”
Tom was speachless. He couldn’t bare the thought of you struggling without telling anyone. He ran his fingers through his hair once more and took a deep breath. As soon as he stepped forward you rose your hand and gestured him to stay still.
“I need to be alone right now. If you’re heart doesn’t allow you to give me space I can leave and come back when I’m done gathering myself.” you said and his eyes widened and he suddenly felt his heart skip a beat.
“Take as much time as you need. Just don’t go.” he said quickly and stepped back. He closed the door behind him and you were alone again but this time you felt empty. This little bickering between Tom and you stirred up your emotions more than they already were. You put your face into your palms and leaned your elbows on your thighs. Tears started to build in your eyes and soon you were sobbing. You knew that Tom didn’t deserve to be yelled at. He was concerned about you and was only trying to help because he cared. But when things got too much you liked to take a step back and at times like this any tiny thing could set you off.
You laid back down on your side and pulled your knees to your chest, trying to make yourself as small as possible. You must’ve cried yourself to sleep because when you opened your eyes the room was dark, only the street lights glistening through the curtains, and your eyes felt puffy and drained. You looked over your shoulder and saw Tom sleeping right next to you. He was sleeping on his side and the moonlight was lighting half of his face making him look soft and at peace. He was wearing an old blue t-shirt which had moved up his body a bit. Your throat was dry from all the crying so you stood up without making any noise and tiptoed out of the room into the kitchen. You did not open any lights because your eyes were very sensitive to light and you could see pretty much everything. You opened the cupboard and took a glas out before taking cold water out of the fridge. You were drinking your second glas while looking out of the window when you heared footsteps behind you.
You looked over your shoulder to see Tom standing in the doorframe, leaning against it.
“Hey.” he said giving you a dejavu and you smiled a little. His hair was all tousled standing up into every direction. He brushed his hand through his hair trying to controll the situation on his head a little but it didn’t work as he wanted it to and made you chuckle.
“Come here.” you said and you two met each other in the middle of the kitchen.
You brushed his hair back with your hands making them look less chaotic. He watched you the whole time and admired your beauty silently. Your eyes were focused on his hair and you were biting your lip and he smiled at your concentration. He enjoyed your gentle touch and his heart skipped a beat. It was such an innocent but caring gesture of you that it made his heart swell.
“That doesn’t look too bad.” you said finally and leaned your hands on your hips and looked into his eyes.
“If you say so.” he chuckled and wasn’t sure if he should touch you or not.
“Not that it didn’t look good before. I like your hair in any shape.” you said and looked down to your feet, suddenly feeling insecure. You wanted to apologize, you wanted to say something but you felt a knot in your throat.
You looked up into his eyes and he was waiting patiently for you to make the first step. He didn’t want to push you, he wanted to give you space so you could make up your mind on your own.
“There is so much weight on my shoulders right now which is painfully stressfull. I know it will pass but I can’t help it. Most of the time I can handle the pressure. But there are days where I feel like drowning. Like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But I also know that this will pass too. That’s the reason why I don’t tell you or anyone about it. It’s temporary. It’s not worth talking about it. I can handle it you know. I’ve been handling it forever.” you rambled and fiddled with your fingers,“I didn’t mean to yell at you though. I’m sorry.” you apologized and looked up into his eyes again.
“Can I say something?” he said with a little smile on his lips and you nodded.
“I know that you can handle what’s going on in your head and in your life. I have no doubt. But I want to be there for you. You don’t need to tell me everything if you don’t want to. But a relationship is based on trust and understanding. Don’t shut me out. Tell me what’s going on and I’ll respect your way of dealing with it. Just talk to me.” he said and you looked down trying to surpress the tears.
“No, no. Don’t be sorry. No one apologizes for having a wound or a broken bone, you shouldn’t too. It’s okay.” he said and stepped closer.
“I love you.” you finally blurted out and looked into his eyes and he smiled back. I don’t deserve you, you wanted to add but didn’t.
“I love you too.” he answered and put his hands hesitantly on your hips.
He leaned in to give you a kiss on your forhead and hugged you afterwards.
“You’re not perfect. Neither am I. And that’s perfectly fine.” he said and you smiled against his chest and breathed his comforting scent in.
“Aren’t you supposed to say something like: But you are perfect to me?” you teased him and you knew that he rolled his eyes even if you couldn’t see it.
“You’re such a mood killer.” he sighed and you chukled against his chest while tightening your hug. No matter how far you’d fall he would always be there to pick you up. Even if it meant standing in the kitchen at 3am in the morning.